Chapter 30 – The pranking
.
Dumbledore had tired with force, thru his Order of the Phoenix, to grab Harry Potter. I think he expected a stupid muggle raised controllable kid. Surprise old man.
I have full knowledge of what is most likely to happen and I don't want anything to do with it ever again. I have made arrangement to protect the Grangers through alarm wards but as a whole I will do whatever it is to escape this insanity if it ever gets to close for my liking. Death was a nice guy as I remembered and I will keep on dying if that's what it takes to escape the insanity called my life. I giggled at how that worked.
/Scene Break/
Oh well September 1st and the Hogwarts express was taking Hermione to Hogwarts and the tournament. I was going to tell her about Krum but it is her life and I shouldn't interfere. That weekend found me with the Delecour family more specifically Gabi.
"Gabi why are you not in school?"
After almost prying Gabi off of me she answered, "Home schooling because of the tournament."
About that time I had a gross thought and a fantastic prank. The prank would be dangerous but…just a little coördination with my two families and its going to be cool even those pranked won't know it.
"How do you like my new dress James?"
"It's as gorgeous as you my dear." I looked and I think it was the first time in weeks that I saw what I should have seen a little earlier.
"Gabi is your father home?"
"Yes he is in the Den, come on lets interrupt him." I was going to interrupt him but it was how much I was going to upset him was what I was worried about.
As Gabi rushed in I hung back and tried to signal Henri I wanted to talk to him alone, he got the signal.
"Gabi dear I need to talk to James alone for a few moments. Don't worry I'll be quick so why don't you see what mama has scheduled for today."
After Gabi left, "A problem James?"
I put up silencing wards and started pacing. We have a problem and I have a huge problem on top of that."
Henri gave a huge smile and indicated I should take a seat and continue.
"Gabi asked me how she looked in her new dress and I…"
"You notice a slight change in her I would guess."
"Err, yes."
"James you have to know that Gabi is your age. Veela take a long time to hit puberty but it explodes when they find a soul mate. You are going to be in big trouble in a few more weeks. If Gabi is correct about compatible souls you won't have to worry about her allure because you will find it extremely difficult to say no to her. The explosive fuse has been lit and it should be quite a show if you resist. With that in mind I have here a contract that will insure all worries about age or Ministerial entanglements will be bypassed."
"But this is a marriage contract." I gasped and he started laughing.
"Son I have been there. Apolline snaps her fingers and I jump. It's quite enjoyable but unavoidable. If you have thoughts of fleeing you have waited too long. Don't fret over all this as the Americans say "it's in the cards" your brains may say no but your heart and souls say yes. You have reached the point that if you run Gabi will be able to find you if your hiding in hell."
"Why is my life so difficult, anyhow? The reason why I wanted to talk to you is…you're not going to believe this so I will just spit it out. I am somewhat a seer and Fleur will be one of the champions and in the second task Gabi will be her hostage to retrieve from the bottom of the lake. While Dumbledore should have protections to safeguard everyone, Fleur will not succeed and I will not be there to pull Gabi out of the lake."
"Indeed. I was just informed this morning and Fleur should become brave enough to tell us tonight at dinner. This is not your problem James but Fleur has issues. Entering this tournament is just plain stupid and I have told her so."
"Henri I can't sign this contract."
"You're going to fight it, this I have to see."
"No not fight it but you are going to have to rewrite it and when it's filed you're going to have the so-called wrath of God called down on your family."
"James I don't understand?"
"My real name is Harry James Potter. You can fill in which name you think is the so-called self-appointed God that shall be calling down his wrath."
Henri started to laugh and then to howl with laughter.
"I can't believe you…you have pranked the entire magical community. But where is the scar?" Henri again broke down in laughter.
I was as close to terrified as one can get as I sat down to dinner. Was Gabi going to kill me or maybe Fleur and Apolline would join forces. This was France and I could hear them yelling "off with his head". What I got was, "of course you're not James Jones".
They told me even Dan and Emma know you are not James Jones but they figured you needed to hide. "Your still you dear regardless which name you wish to use." Apolline said it as if it was an every day event.
/Scene Break/
Well the day came and I was ready to start pranking. There were two males in the Beauxbatons Academy carriage, one was the footman and about ten years old and the other was me. While Fleur and the other from Beauxbatons Academy flounced into Hogwarts to dazzle everyone with their beauty, Gabi and I were in our private room in the carriage. Henri was right when Gabi snapped her fingers I was right there to enjoy. Not only was she now a woman but a dazzling silver-haired beauty.
The next morning at breakfast Gabi and I strolled arm in arm into the Great Hall. I was lucky; I had forgotten to tell Hermione that I would be there.
"What the hell are you doing here?" Hermione screeched. Apparently she and curse words were enemies and her using one brought the attention of most students in the Great Hall.
"Well dear sister of mine your squib brother is here with his…"
"Yes I think I would also like to know who you are and why you are here?" the Headmaster Dumbledore had stuck his nose in again. I knew he had been informed of Gabi and my attendance but that didn't stop the attempt of an unsuccessful mental probing of my mind.
Fleur popped up at that time to answer, "Headmaster I believe you were contacted by my father about my sister and her husband."
"WHAT!" screeched Hermione?
"Yes dear sister of mine your squib brother James Jones is married and here on diplomatic papers to observe the tournament. The lovely lady is Gabriella Jones my wife, Gabi this is Hermione Granger.
Dumbledore continued, "Yes your father insisted on you accompanying your delegation and I have given permission, carry on all."
So we sat down but before a conversation could start Gaby pointed down the table and asked, "What is that? You allow pigs at your table?"
Ronald Weasley looked up at that point and with a dripping spoon headed to his open and overfilled mouth. He sat there gawking at Gabi as food dribbled down his chin and onto his robes.
"That's about rude young lady." Hermione huffed.
"Naw, he does resemble a scalded pig at the troth." Ron just shrugged his shoulders and resumed shoveling.
"That is our brother that you are insulting." The Weasley twins had arrived. "Being a squib you might watch what you say around wand carring magical people." I saw one of them put something in my goblet.
"Oh I am so terrified, what would your brother curse me with? The food splatter curse? I don't think he would notice me or what I say unless you transfigured me into something edible."
"Well twin of mine he does have a point."
"What if we convert this squib into something our brother will eat?" They pulled their wands and suddenly flew backwards and onto their rear ends.
"Oh dear I did say I was a squib but my wife is a very powerful witch." I was doing this with my wand-less magic to establish a pecking order. The next time I would probably use a little karate on the next set of bullies.
They got up and went to their seats but didn't see my wand-less switching spell. One drink from his goblet and one of the twins turned into a monkey.
"You're enjoying yourself to much my love." Gabi whispered.
"Don't you know it my dear?"
"If you two don't quit messing with my friends I am going to tell who you are. "Hermione growled in a low voice.
I wondered if anyone would believe her since I was a French citizen carrying a diplomatic passport. I was without glamour, no scar, blond hair and no glasses. I definitely did not resemble Harry Potter.
"You're supposed to be the smartest witch of the year, think of what would happen if you did. Come on Gabi lets go get insulted by your sister."
/Scene Break/
The big night still played out as before with minor differences. Gabi and I were sitting together. I was laid back as best I could for the seats provided for the Goblet of Fire big drawing. I suddenly felt a chill run up my spine and then the Goblet caught fire. Fleur was the Beauxbatons Academy champion and Krum came in as the Durmstang champion. Diggory was chosen for Hogwarts and at the last minute Harry Potters name came out.
I started laughing loud and then said in a louder voice. Man I'd best send Potter a letter telling him to show up before he looses his magic over an illegal magical binding contract. I wonder who wants him here so bad that he would put the whole wizard world a risk.
"You know where he is at?" McGonagall inquired with a demanding voice.
"Of course I do." That got the hall quiet very quickly. "He is in Never-Never land with Tinker Bell hiding from Captain Hook, you know the one with the long white beard. Someone should send him an owl before the first task." Most of the muggle born were snickering but the majority of the students and teachers looked lost.
The Headmaster took umbrage with this, "You should not talk about things you know nothing about, and you're only here at my suffrage."
I gave Dumbledore a mock salute and said, "Aye, Aye Captain Hook." We left the hall for the carriage and our room. That was dangerous but it was fun.
/Scene Break/
I took Gabi on a tour of Scotland and then expanded it to London. She was happy and bouncing in joy at some of the strange things like the muggle zoo. Gabi was not impressed while Mel found the snake exhibit dull. I thought Gabi would explode at the amusement park. When we returned to the carriage we were full of cotton candy and pizza and totally worn out from all the rides. Fleur informed us we needed to be in the castle for family day for the champions in the morning. We then collapsed in bed and slept wrapped in each others arms.
I smelled a rat as soon as we walked into the room. The champions were their and so was their family's. The question was why were the Grangers here? Had Dumbledore found out or did Hermione spill the beans? When I asked Hermione what was going on I got a snotty answer.
"You are here because of your wife, I am here because I demanded equal treatment, Victor is my boyfriend and they are MY parents."
My mind said "TILT".
Hermione Granger found the next morning that she knew, that when asked, that her brother looked nothing like Harry Potter and would argue the fact that Jerry James Jones was never ever connected with or ever met Harry Potter. Her half-brother was of course raised in France and rarely came to England. I felt bad about my little memory charms but Hermione was becoming a loose cannon.
/Scene Break/
While the champions were fighting dragons in the first task I was convincing the Grangers that Hermione's new knowledge was factual and having Gringotts take care of a number of things. The two largest questions on everyone's minds at Hogwarts was where was Harry Potter and did he loose his magic because he didn't participate in the task. Those discussions got several additional rumors going when in the morning it was learned that MadEye Moody had keeled over dead after the first task. The real Madeye was found in his trunk the next day, the rumors went up several notches. Few realized that the cup read magical signatures not names on a piece of paper. When that magical signature did not participated magic terminated the contract most severely.
A new wrinkle in how things were playing out was also happening in the so-called safest place in England. Draco had been his snotty self but one day had exceeded himself and got a right cross from Hermione for the insults. Being the arrogant poof that he was he got a half-dozen of his butt boys that evening to attack Hermione. It would have gone further but Professor McGonagall had interrupted their party. Hermione was in the Hospital for three days.
Dumbledore and his second chance mantra struck and Draco, Crabbe and Goyle got detention along with the other attackers. I got irate and decided that it was time for the Malfoy's to learn a few lessons. With my Harry Potter disguise I caught them in an empty corridor. I wanted to terminate them on the spot as Hermione for all her faults was still a sibling of my family. Draco plus two will not be returning to Hogwarts to finish the year as they have newly assigned rooms in St. Mungo. I happily broke every bone in their bodies as a warm up to a few choice curses that will take ages to cure.
These actions would most likely would draw Slyterin house to take actions against Hermione so I started my own rumors. I hoped the rumors alone would be enough but I had to show around that time that Harry Potter could have shown for the tournament and still retained his magic after the first task. The rumor was that Draco and thugs just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time and it was poetic justice. I accredit Hermione attack with her running to Dumbledore or arguing her principles with anyone that would listen. People were stupid but small slips of information into the rumor mill would get the attention of the Slyterin contingency. Its well-known that if you tell a lie enough times people believe it to be true. I was hoping Slytherin house believed the Hogwarts rumors.
Hermione has been told by her parents and given an escape route from Hogwarts. The simple statement of a few words and she is to go to a special place and wait. She of course had to argue and want to know why and that she needed to tell Dumbledore if there was a problem. I sent Dobby with a note.
To the dumbest witch in the universe.
Remember when I told you I was a seer. I guess you are too smart to believe anyone other than Captain Hook. I gave you an escape route so that you would be safe and not let your parents worry. You however had to be all knowing and argued which worried your parents so they would not leave the country to be safe. When Voldemort attacks their house believe me that they will die a slow and painful death.
Your fateful seer Jerry Jones
I had convinced the Grangers of the dangers and showed them how Hermione was to be protected in their absence. They finally caved and moved out of England.
Two days after the Grangers left and Dobby delivered the note to the dumbest witch in the universe; Voldemort was at the Grangers front door. My alarm wards had notified me of their approach and I 'apperated' into the house in my Harry Potter identity.
I had dispatched Dobby to Hermione to meet at the designated meeting point meanwhile I stepped outside to wave at Voldemort and his six Deatheaters. "Leave Potter to me, kill everyone and burn the place to ashes." If this had gone to hell as I thought it would, Hermione needed to get to her parents or she could be next thanks to some Deatheater in Slyterin house.
"Hello Tom how's the Malfoy Manor, comfortable enough for a glued together wrath?"
I slipped to the right to avoid a killing curse.
"So you're Potter the bane of my existence."
"Well you did the choosing, I mean killing your muggle father and living in an orphanage, how depressing."
I slid to the left to avoid another killing curse.
"Gee Tom expending a lot of energy and not getting anywhere maybe your half squib mother is showing through."
I must say that a pissed off Voldemort was normally half way dangerous but now I must say I have never seen so many dark curses accompany the killing curse. I just dodged and shielded. When I was seventeen for the first time Voldemort had like forty years of experience on me. Right now I had about ten year more experience even in my seventeen year old body. Just to piss him off I put up anti 'apperation' and port-key wards.
"You will die a most horrible and painful death." Voldemort raged.
"No Tom Riddle you're a looser and losers lose." I was about to send a flurry of curses when Dumbledork arrived via Fawkes to save the day. Of course Dumbledork was the greater threat to me killing Voldemort. The kid, me, was Dragon dung in Dumbledore's eyes, a good pile of fertilizer to be impressed by Dumbledores greatness and to follow his directions. Voldemort attacked Dumbledore furiously.
I had no objection as Voldemort sent a blasting curse at Dumbledore which connected and blew him across the street. Voldemort turned to me and saw me cut off his left arm. I send it flying south to the neighbor's yard. He raised his right arm with his wand to curse me and found it blasted into mush. I sent a cutting curse at his neck but he disappeared just before it got there. While I was cursing Voldemort the Deatheaters had set the Grangers house afire. I turned to inflict pain but they all disappeared. I was cursing up a storm, who removed the wards stopping the jerks from leaving? With all the players involved in the area I had a good idea that Captain Hook had struck again.
I 'apperated' away as the empty house belonging to the Grangers was a total loss. Dobby had brought a few elves and emptied the place days earlier and had sent the Grangers belongs to them in Australia, I hoped they were hoisting some cold Guinness beer about now.