A/N: Taking advantage of notes to write down a few things:
1) I'm officially back from holidays, yay! (not so yay but still)
2) This story is based on a very long prompt by a friend and I don't always agree with what happens
3) I've already sent the next chapter to my beta I think
4) Speaking of that, I care to always remind you that jobelle516 is the beta for my fics and she does an incredible job. Most of my stories will still be somewhere around my laptop files if it weren't for her. I can never thank her enough.
Don't mind typos in the notes, it's like late here and I'm sleepy and tired! Hope you enjoy!
Sebastian has no idea why he is following Kurt so devotedly. In fact, he is pretty sure that whatever Kurt wants to show him is probably as dangerous as his blue eyes. That is dangerous too, the fact that Sebastian is feeling this little clenching sensation in his stomach, like a storm of butterflies is invading his body, just thinking about Kurt's eyes.
He walks behind him, being careful to every single step he moves. The fear growing inside him is to disappoint his master. He is starting to think like he actually belongs to Kurt. On one hand, it makes him think that he should feel humiliated, but on the other, the real sensation he's feeling is of pure protection. His master is there, so what could happen? All that Kurt has done until now was give him sex, and he's not hitting him even. He didn't even hit him when Sebastian hugged him with no permission. He's not going to hurt him now either, is he?
They get to another big door and Kurt flips a key out of his pocket. He turns to Sebastian before he slides it into the lock.
Sebastian looks so good that it's hard not to stare. His hair is a mess and it falls a little over his forehead. His face is a little pale, but his cheeks are flushed, so Kurt doesn't think something might be wrong with his health. His eyes look back at Kurt with hope and anticipation and Kurt doesn't want to disappoint him, so he just opens the door and nods towards the inside of the room so that Sebastian walks in first.
When the boy looks down and enters the room, Kurt follows him, closing the door and turning the lights on.
As soon as Sebastian manages to take a look around, he finds his breath taken away with surprise.
The room is elegant, amazingly designed, cherry wood all over the furniture and white curtains around the windows. Sebastian is pretty sure that this is the most expensive room he's ever walked in – except for the dining room earlier of course, though he didn't step inside, he just stayed by the door frame.
Mostly, the tools around the room are what gets his attention.
There are ropes, handcuffs and bandages. There are also boxes around and Sebastian thinks they might actually contain toys. As much as he is starting to feel comfortable with having Kurt around, this isn't reassuring for him. It sort of brings his worst nightmares back to life and from the way his heart is racing all of a sudden he's sure he is about to have a panic attack.
It's only soothed when Kurt rests a gentle hand on his side and strokes him there, his thumb brushing Sebastian's skin underneath the thin shirt. Sebastian is surprised at how easy it turns out to be for Kurt, to just make him a little more relaxed with his touch. Where is that coming from?
Kurt scoots in closer to his back. He doesn't actually hug him or touch him more than that, it's just his hand making Sebastian feel more grounded and comfortable, it keeps his head from drifting into fear as it was doing already. But still, Sebastian can feel the heat coming from Kurt's body already makes it better. He is still anxious but he's not panicking.
"Are you scared?" Kurt asks from behind him, his voice sounding cool, making Sebastian forget he's his master for a moment.
"Quite a lot." Sebastian confesses, letting out a long sigh.
"You really don't have to be." Kurt strokes him more intensely and Sebastian stiffens up a bit. "It's not like I'm going to hurt you or anything."
"I find it really hard to believe that these things might not hurt me." Sebastian swallows the words down.
He can't help but notice the way he said it spontaneously: he didn't say that Kurt would hurt him, he said that those things would hurt him. He has no idea why he is starting to trust Kurt, maybe it is just part of the way he's submitting himself to Kurt.
On the other hand, Kurt himself seems to appreciate it, his eyebrows lifting at the way Sebastian is speaking softly, not too resisting as he had done before. Therefore, Kurt walks around him and turns until they are face to face. Sebastian looks down at his face, traces the features with his eyes like he is amazed at what he is seeing. One couldn't blame him. Despite being an awful person, Kurt is so handsome and gorgeous. It's practically impossible not to stare.
"I'm not going to hurt you." He murmurs softly, his voice sounding as sweet as Sebastian thought it could ever sound. "I'm sorry for having done so before, you know that. I want to show you that not everything is as violent and destructive as it seems. Let me just take care of you."
Sebastian knows this is sexual, knows it can't be anything more than that, but at the same time, it feels so reassuring just to have someone that cares for him in any aspect. It doesn't matter if it is about sex, Kurt wants him to feel good. This is so much more than Sebastian was actually hoping for his life, if he is to be honest.
"Are you sure it won't hurt?" He asks hesitantly, but not sounding as if he's untrusting of Kurt.
Kurt looks at him for a long moment, a conflict of emotions in his blue eyes as he feels so sorry and disappointed with himself for the way he treated this insecure and hurt boy. It was so sick of him.
He tilts his lips in a tentative smirk and offers his hand to Sebastian, "Unless you want it to." He winks and Sebastian coughs and looks down a little awkwardly, pressing his lips together at the idea of it.
He really doesn't want to get hurt, but the fact that Kurt asked him made him wonder for a moment. He thinks briefly, then replies, "No, I really don't want it to."
Kurt's lips tilt into a soft smile and he makes his hand slide down until he manages to intertwine his fingers with Sebastian's. A stupid smile blossoms on Sebastian's face and he feels dumb at the lovely sensation invading himself at such a kind touch. For a moment Kurt lets his thumb brush on the back of Sebastian's hand and Sebastian wants so much to be capable of being mad at him, because Kurt is such a lunatic. He shifts from cold hearted to sweet so easily.
And Sebastian also hates the way his heart is beating quicker, forcing him to blink to come back to reality instead of being lost in the touch. The way his chest deflates … Sebastian doesn't want to fall in love with Kurt. Kurt is like a little devil walking on earth and his eyes make it hard not to mistake him for an angel, but Sebastian knows, he has already seen the horrible sides to Kurt.
"Then I will just help you with getting relax." Kurt winks and nods to the bed on the other side of the room. It's bigger than the one in Sebastian's room and looks more comfortable. "You're going to be so okay, I'm going to make you feel like you're the only boy in the world."
Sebastian swallows down, moving one hesitant step to the bed. Kurt leans in closer on his toes and kisses him under his jaw. Once more, Sebastian's heart starts playing awkward tricks on him. He tries to fight it but it's useless, especially because Kurt is still holding his hand and leading him to the bed. He helps him sit down and then he finally removes his hand.
"I'm going to take some bandages." He says easily as he walks to the other wall of the room and starts collecting some stuff. "I would use ropes, but the last time I did you got scratched, and I don't really want that to happen again." He explains, testing the length of the bandages in his hands while Sebastian stares. "I'm a good master when I want to be, you know?"
Kurt turns a little to look at him over his shoulder and wink. Sebastian flushes a little but he also chokes on a laugh. He starts feeling a little more comfortable around Kurt.
"I can take care of you and … I can make sex enjoyable." Kurt pulls out the bandages and holds them in his hands while he walks towards Sebastian once more. "All you have to do is trust me, and you'll love it."
Sebastian nods though he is still a little hesitant. After what he's been through, he doesn't know what being tied feels like during sex, he only had his hands tied up the first time. He doesn't know if it will make him panic once more because he won't be able to fight anything. He won't be able to oppose if it gets too much all of a sudden. He is starting to awkwardly trust Kurt, but this doesn't mean he trusts him completely. In fact, he knows he has to remember what world Kurt comes from and who he is exactly.
But still, when Kurt rests his knees on his bed and starts grabbing at the hems of Sebastian's shirt, lifting it to uncover his abs, he looks into Sebastian's eyes as he does so and this makes Sebastian feel better.
"I won't be able to undress you once you're tied." Kurt explains and Sebastian nods, because his voice doesn't sound threatening at all right now. "So, how about you get naked now?"
Sebastian clearly knows this is an order but he's still glad that Kurt made it sound like a question. It makes things better in an unexpected way. He lifts his arms so that Kurt can take his shirt off and then looks while Kurt easily pulls off his pants and briefs too. When he feels his eyes on his soft dick, Sebastian can't help but blush and bite his lower lip. It's so much intimate and more embarrassing to be naked when it's not a quickie.
Kurt stares between his legs for a moment and then gazes up to meet his gaze briefly.
"Going to tie you now." He anticipates and Sebastian nods but breathes in deeply.
While Kurt moves up and starts tying his wrist to the headboard, Sebastian can't help but feel the tension rising. He's going to be unable to move soon and even though he didn't have any chance to runaway before, even the awareness of it makes him feel so much more vulnerable and alone. But Kurt is here and whenever his fingers accidentally stroke his skin to work on the knots, it makes him feel safer.
"Is it okay?" Kurt asks, straddling his wrist a little.
"Yeah." Sebastian says distractedly, looking at the ceiling and panting just a little with anticipation.
"Seriously, Sebastian. This is important." Kurt insists. "Does it hurt?"
"No, it doesn't." Sebastian replies honestly.
Even though he doesn't turn to see, Sebastian is sure that Kurt is looking at him like he's trying to figure out if Sebastian is lying. Eventually, he must sense some sincerity because he leaves the knot there and starts to work on the other hand, his thighs so close to Sebastian's face. Sebastian looks up to him, finally. Kurt is wearing a dark blue undershirt and it allows Sebastian to admire his amazingly built-up arms. They're a lot bigger and more muscled than one would tell at first sight and maybe Sebastian is drooling a little.
Not to mention, Kurt's skin.
Kurt's skin looks amazing and Sebastian knows it tastes amazing too. It makes him want to run his mouth on every inch of Kurt's body until he's kissed his way all over it, over every freckle and muscle, just so, so amazing. He's just slightly sweating, that gorgeous skin shining where Sebastian knows it would taste salty underneath his tongue. The thought alone of kissing his way along Kurt's bare neck is enough to have something finally twitching.
When Kurt is done and has tied Sebastian to the bed at his best, making sure that it won't hurt, he trails back for a moment and looks down on him. His eyes wander all over Sebastian, drinking him and Sebastian feels amazingly appreciated. The want is starting to build inside him and he's glad about that. He knows Kurt said he won't take advantage of him that way anymore, but they barely know each other, Sebastian shouldn't believe him because Kurt doesn't owe him any kindness. If he wants it though, at least he'd be able to enjoy it when Kurt decides to take him. And Sebastian wants him, wants Kurt, so, so much.
"Are you okay?" Kurt asks, resting a hand on his abs, so delicately that Sebastian has to bite his lower lip when the touch doesn't feel like it's enough.
"Yeah," His voice comes out a little scratched, "Yeah, I'm fine."
"I'm going to make you feel good then." Kurt winks as he scoots down and settles beside Sebastian's now naked legs.
His dick is standing to full attention and when Kurt notices, he seems glad about it. Sebastian guesses Kurt is going to prep him, finger him and getting him ready this time, but when Kurt leans in, he isn't surely expecting him to have these plans. Kurt licks a long line from the base of Sebastian's dick to the head. It makes Sebastian roll his eyes in surprise, the wet warm pressure feeling a little too much when not announced. That doesn't stop Kurt anyway. He repeats the motion once, then twice, his tongue pressing flatter and flatter at every touch until Sebastian groans out loud.
Kurt sniggers quietly and it makes Sebastian blush along his cheekbones as Kurt moves up to circle the head of Sebastian's erection with his tongue. He twirls it around the skin, plays with it in such a delicious way that Sebastian regrets allowing Kurt to tie him down. He would enjoy moving his hand through Kurt's hair, even though he isn't sure with Kurt being his master and not wanting him to do anything until he says so.
"How are you doing?" Kurt moves back just a little, replacing his tongue with his hand and jerking Sebastian off slowly, as Sebastian thrusts his hips up a little, despite not having permission from Kurt.
"Hmm, you can totally stop asking that by now." Sebastian is impressed at how low and teasing his voice sounds as he looks down and gazes into Kurt's eyes. "I'm doing so okay."
It's so intimate to talk and look at Kurt while Kurt is holding him in his hand like this, with no hesitation. It makes Sebastian feel less uncomfortable than the other times. Kurt isn't even giving himself pleasure which makes Sebastian flattered. He's only focusing on him for now and that makes Sebastian feel like he's something more than just a toy to use. He hadn't felt like anybody cared in so long.
"Fine then." Kurt shoots a cute wink to him and Sebastian bites his lower lip, a little embarrassed at the intimacy.
Kurt moves again then, his lips wrapping around his erection as he swallows Sebastian down and dedicates himself to take care of him. Sebastian closes his eyes and the touch becomes so much more to handle. Kurt moves quickly but still smoothly which doesn't make the act itself raw. Sebastian loves the way he is sucking him off and wants so bad to throw a hand through his hair and make him go further.
Just a minute has gone by before Kurt starts moaning around his dick and has Sebastian throbbing in his mouth because fuck, that's so hot, the fact that Kurt is enjoying it as much as he is. Sebastian groans back and when he opens his eyes once more – his eyelids feeling heavy and his cheeks heating up – he guesses Kurt is jerking himself off from the way he is moving his arm desperately.
Sebastian wants to help, wants to do so much more to help Kurt feeling better about his own excitement, but at the same time, he never thought someone was going to give so much attention to him again and egoistically, he wants it all, wants Kurt to just suck him until he comes and even then, wants Kurt to go on through his sensibility until he's hard again. It's like most of his fears about sex are washing off because he knows the other person involved also cares about his pleasure and how much Sebastian wants it – with the things Kurt told him.
Kurt moves back from him though, and just for a moment, Sebastian is afraid that he might have rejoiced too fast. But Kurt just looks intensely into his eyes to whispers "You taste so fucking good." Before he's back to mouthing at his dick, kissing and licking from base to head, and then finally sucking again.
Sebastian is quite desperate by now, the compliment making him feel like he needs to let go even more now. Kurt must sense some movement from where he has his arm leant on Sebastian's thigh and his hand around Sebastian's cock because he bobs more quickly and touches himself more insistently. Sebastian is moving frantically as best as he can, his hips thrusting up to meet Kurt's mouth. He's so afraid that Kurt is going to slap him or something because he's dared to disobey his master and do something he didn't tell him to.
But Kurt just keeps going, looking like he has no intention to stop, not even when Sebastian pulses inside his mouth and lets go, his legs shaking and his eyes shutting as he groans loudly.
It's almost as if he had read Sebastian's mind: he keeps on sucking and licking and mouthing all over him through Sebastian's over sensitivity like he can't get enough. For some reason, the idea of that, a guy on his knees being unable to tear his mouth off of him, makes Sebastian feel cared for. He knows it's probably the cheapest thing ever, but he can't help it. It's like he finally feels like someone might like his handsome looks once more. And why wouldn't they? Sebastian is stunning. And yet, Kurt is the only one who's managed to make him feel like this since the accident took place.
Sebastian's hips jerk a few time and he winces when it feels too much, but he manages to hold enough for Kurt to lick him to full attention again. He bites his lower lip and looks down between his own legs. Kurt is staring back at him, eyes turned dark blue with lust as he moves his head to work his mouth smoothly on every inch. Sebastian is pretty sure he's never seen anything nastier than the way Kurt looks right now. It's so different from other boys.
He has got that innocent little face that looks even dirtier when so wicked. His hips thrust up only to get more and when he's starting to feel close again, Kurt moves his mouth away to reach for his chest and wrap it around a nipple. The pressure is so wet and hot and perfect that Sebastian doesn't even need for Kurt to move the hand wrapped around him to come again. He spurts all over Kurt's fingers and groans desperately while he rocks his hips with no control over the movement. He cries out and his cheeks are red from pleasure when he drops his own body on the bed again, his eyes shut while Kurt worships his body with little butterfly kisses all over him.
His mind blacks out for some minutes as he relaxes and just breathes in and out.
The sensation feels amazing. It had been more than one year since his last orgasm that was so relaxed and selfish. Not that he thinks sex is only about getting pleasure – in fact, he knows that giving pleasure can be just as good – but today he feels like he should enjoy it. Or at least, he tries to do so. But the truth is that when he opens his eyes and notices that Kurt is back to jerking off desperately. It makes his stomach clench, the moans that he's making. It sounds like he's sobbing in desperation.
Sebastian wants to help but he is tied and offering his leg to let Kurt rub on it is probably not enough anymore now. When Kurt finally opens his eyes and looks at him, his hand still moving, Sebastian is sure that he has it written on his face that he wants to help because Kurt moves his hands away from his body and finally works to untie him from the headboard.
He stands and sits beside him instead of kneeling on the floor. When his fingers manage to undo one hand, Sebastian doesn't wait for an order before he's wrapping it around Kurt's dick and pump it fast. He's pretty sure Kurt ordered it through his eyes. Kurt starts moving his hips and thrusting into the tight channel of his hand even while undoing the bands from Sebastian's other wrist.
"Fuck, please?" He groans needy and as soon as he undoes Sebastian's hand, he climbs on his lap, thighs around Sebastian's and waists sliding together for a brief moment.
Sebastian really doesn't have the stamina to go for a third round, not when he's not well-trained to sex as he used to be. But he does want Kurt to be okay and he feels like that please was sort of a permission to take over for a moment, even though Kurt is his master and hasn't actually told him to out loud. It takes him barely a few touches but it's awesome. Kurt rides to move in his hand, rocks his hips desperately and he's soon coming all over Sebastian's hand and chest and for a moment Sebastian is actually sad.
His face drops at the thought that it's probably over. Kurt has got his sexual satisfaction and although Sebastian is happy to have helped it, he also knows that it's what this was about. So their time together is probably over by now. Sebastian doesn't know if he's sad about having to go back to his room alone or about not spending more time with Kurt. It should be an easy guess, but it's not. He … kind of likes Kurt.
"Oh God." Kurt groans, letting himself fall on Sebastian's body and Sebastian unwraps his hand from the other boy. They're dirty and messy and sweated but Sebastian swears he feels freaking awesome – except for the sadness of the upcoming separation of course.
Having a boy lay on him after sex, after having fully enjoyed sex is amazing now and Sebastian wants so bad to just let go and wrap his arms around Kurt, but he also knows that he can't. He doesn't know how Kurt would react and doesn't dare to find out. Kurt though has his own arms wrapped around Sebastian's shoulders and he's placing a kiss under his jaw before he moves back, looking into his eyes from where he's sitting on Sebastian's lap.
"That was so good and so much better." He utters, his face softer than Sebastian has ever seen it. He guesses that it's the post orgasmic phase that makes Kurt sweeter and more welcoming. "See? Nothing bad happened. You should trust me more."
His voice is still a little lower than usual, but not as much as it was during sex. Kurt is just so wonderful and full of surprises and different facets, it's almost creepy. Sebastian wants to be able to not feel like Kurt has cast a spell on him. He would rather be offended at the way he treats him and everything, but the truth is he is starting to think that there are good sides of him hidden somewhere; it's a terrible thought, because he's also very aware that he might get disappointed.
Especially, he knows he might be disappointed so soon. Now that Kurt's done with him, Sebastian is probably doomed to his room where he won't be able to do anything but to gaze around.
This awareness is what has him confused when Kurt moves in to nuzzle at his nose and whisper over his mouth.
"We can go have a snack now and then nap all day? Well, I should study but I can save it for later." He grins like it's the most normal thing in the world and Sebastian has no idea what is happening or why it is happening.
He is pretty sure that Kurt has said they're never going to be anything more than sexual partners, but now that he thinks about it, the moment Kurt said was after he showed some kind of weakness to him. If Sebastian has to be honest, he thinks Kurt knows there's a softer side of him, but he isn't willing to show it. And now, all of a sudden he is opening up. It's confusing Sebastian more than anything.
Kurt must sense his perplexities because a moment later he adds, "It's not like I've never done it with any of my boys, you know? Sometimes I like having company for other things too."
Sebastian wants to complain and tell Kurt that he explicitly said to Sebastian that they were never going to have anything but sex, but at the same time, if Kurt is opening up and giving something different to him, why would Sebastian be so stupid to risk losing this opportunity? This is a chance to buy Kurt's affection and not only his body. Although he has no idea why he is starting to want Kurt under this new aspect so much, he nods and tries to keep the smile that is spreading on his mouth.
"Okay, hmm, master." He adds hesitantly.
Kurt doesn't correct him of course. He doesn't tell him to stop calling him that, but Sebastian wasn't expecting anything different. It's not like everything can change now, but the way Kurt's face softens at his consent for snack and napping is already a huge progress.
When Kurt jumps off of his body, Sebastian frowns at the lack of heat. It makes him shiver along his spine and his shoulders tremble a little as he follows his owner with his gaze, the other boy fixing his pants and then proceeding to hand Sebastian's to him. Sebastian obediently grabs them and starts dressing. If Kurt would always be this nice, Sebastian wouldn't mind that much belonging to him. Although he is pretty sure that no toy ever lasted too long, so one day Kurt will get tired of him and this will change.
The worst thing is that Sebastian still has no idea why he is worried about it. He should hope Kurt gets tired of him and lets him go as quickly, but the truth is that a) he has no idea what letting go means; as far as he knows, they might kill him or something; b) he doesn't want Kurt to let him go. He'd want to be capable of giving an explanation to it, but he just feels this way and can't fight it. Not now, when Kurt is suddenly being gentler to him.
So, just like he had done when Kurt brought him to this room, Sebastian obediently goes through his cleaning session and then follows him devotedly to the hallway and through the house.
/
Sebastian is incredibly impressed when he is allowed to spend most of his day around Kurt. Kurt never carries him to his room and when Kurt's dad calls him for dinner, Sebastian is guided to the courtyard and given some food. He loves spaghetti, but mostly, he loves eating on the outside when it's so sunny. The house is actually a pleasant place out of those creepy bedrooms. It's huge and everything smells expensive. There's always someone looking after him, men in suits – he's learning some of the names, David, Wes and Thad for example – they keep some distance to give him space. Sebastian has no idea if they always do so or Kurt ordered it just for him. He likes to think it's a disposition his master gave to make him comfortable, it doesn't matter if it's true or not. Sebastian just loves the idea of it.
Kurt's dinner takes long.
Sebastian is almost starting to think he'll be guided back to his own room and he won't see Kurt until tomorrow morning. But Wes just stands beside the wall, arms crossed to his chest even though Sebastian has finished his meal and put the plate aside on the short brick wall on which he is sitting.
It's given up to the idea that they're just letting him breathe fresh air after he's spent too much time closed in a room when Kurt's voice comes too close to his ear as he breathes out, "Ready to go to bed?"
Sebastian turns a little to him, their faces suddenly close and tips of their noses almost touching. He nods and swallows (not that it is actually a question, it sounds like one, but it's more of an order), his gaze wandering all over Kurt's face and not being able to keep from staring into those blue eyes everytime he meets them. "Yeah," he murmurs a little breathless – he shouldn't allow himself to like Kurt, he knows he shouldn't, "Yeah, I'm ready."
Kurt's lips tilt into a soft smile and he moves back. Sebastian feels like he can't stop holding his breath because he was afraid it smelled like spaghetti or everything he's eaten today. Kurt gestures to Wes that he can go, but Wes looks hesitant.
Sebastian really wants to keep from thinking about stuff like that but he can't help it. If Wes doesn't want to leave without second thought, does it mean that Kurt doesn't usually do this with other boys? Doesn't bring them to their room to get some sleep?
"Let's go." Kurt says though and no matter what Wes thinks, Sebastian belongs to Kurt, so he just obeys.
He walks behind Kurt while they move along the hallway and he frowns when he notices that they pass by his room and are moving forward. He doesn't dare to ask though, just follows Kurt obediently until they turn around the corner and walk upstairs. It's the first time he goes there and he has to admit he loves the environment. It's warmer and it feels more like a home as they move through what seems to be the hallway of the bedrooms.
When Kurt stops in front of a smooth door and flicks the handle easily, Sebastian guesses they've arrived. He just doesn't know what room it is.
He follows Kurt inside and waits for him to close the door behind their backs.
The room is actually amazing. The bed is huge and looks comfortable, so Sebastian would be super thankful if this was his new room. The window is large and he's pretty sure the light makes the space around them glow during the day. It would be so much better than his prison room.
"So, how does it look?" Kurt asks, shoving his hands in his pockets and standing beside Sebastian.
Sebastian is very sincere when he replies, "It's fantastic. I mean, it looks very comfortable." He doesn't mean to sound too hopeful because sometimes Kurt is such a lunatic and Sebastian doesn't want him to change his mind if Kurt actually considered giving such a space to him.
"Thanks. I love having a warm space for myself, although I know I look cold on the outside." Kurt says and then he moves at ease around the room.
Sebastian follows him with his gaze, frowning for the merest of moments before he realizes. This is Kurt's room. They're in Kurt's room. It's not some space for him, it is private and it belongs to Kurt and Sebastian is allowed to be in it. It's such a shock that it makes his legs shake a little. He must stay in silence for too long because Kurt turns to check on him.
When he sees that Sebastian is apparently okay, he smiles again (Sebastian is so not ready for the spectacle that Kurt smiling so often is).
"You seem surprised." Kurt crosses his arms to his chest and walks towards him. Sebastian isn't holding his breath while Kurt moves in closer. Not at all. "Why is that?"
Sebastian doesn't speak of course. He feels a little uncomfortable at doing it when he doesn't even know what their relationship is. Sometimes he actually wants to say something, tease Kurt, but he doesn't know if he can.
"You can speak, you know?" Kurt laughs, which makes Sebastian blush because maybe he's being way too submissive. "Especially when I ask you something. If I ask, it's probably because I want an answer, don't you think?"
The sentence doesn't come out of Kurt's mouth, too strictly, like one would imagine. In fact it's more mocking than anything, but even in that case, it's a playful way of mocking. Sebastian's chest clenches just a bit at the thought of it.
"I just …" He tries to speak, but needs to clear his throat so his voice comes out steadier. He doesn't look at Kurt while he says it. "I just thought you were going to bring me to another room or back to mine."
"Yeah, I figured that out." Kurt utters and Sebastian looks up to him. He's smirking knowingly and Sebastian wonders why he asked if he already knew. "Come here." Kurt says though and he steps to the bed, sitting there and patting at the spot beside him.
Sebastian follows slowly and hesitating but then he finally sits next to Kurt, swallowing when their sides brush just for the briefest of moments. Kurt looks at him so closely and Sebastian is quickly forgetting how to breathe.
"You're sleeping with me tonight." Kurt explains and then nods towards the door opposite to them. "That's the bathroom. I got you a toothbrush and now you can go and have a shower. I want you all clean and good-smelling before we get to bed."
Sebastian can't hide his surprise, his face dropping and his stomach clenching. "Do you, hmm, want me to use your bathroom?"
"Yeah," Kurt says with no second thought, "There are clean towels under the sink and the dark blue robe is mine, so you can use the orange one."
Sebastian nods hesitantly, not knowing exactly how to move. He can't deny that the idea of a warm shower is totally awesome now. He does want to be clean and fresh and good-smelling. He's had the opportunity to shower in his room but the water was ice-cold and he didn't last long. A long shower is still better both for his body and his mind.
"Is it okay?" Kurt asks, moving his hand until he's stroking along Sebastian's arm.
Sebastian has to try hard and not to press into the touch.
"Yes, I … love it." He says and presses his lips together, unsure how to feel at the idea that Kurt said We get to bed; which means they're going to sleep together and how is Sebastian supposed to feel comfortable with that? It's not that he feels negative towards it, but it's also kind of strange and it makes him panic a little.
"You can wash your hair too." Kurt adds shrugging, as if it's the most natural thing. "It's a little messy. We can fix that."
We can fix that. Sebastian wonders what it means exactly and how Kurt plans on fixing his hair.
"Okay." He just says and nods to Kurt who leans in and presses a kiss on his temple. Once more, Sebastian stiffens at the unexpected touch but doesn't complain. It's actually good to be cared for, so why would he fight it.
"Go ahead then." Kurt utters close to his face. "I'll be waiting here."
Sebastian swallows and he stands up reluctantly from Kurt's bed. He wishes Kurt would follow but at the same time he feels like taking a shower with Kurt there would be too much, even more intimate than sex. So he moves to the bathroom, every step feeling clumsy and embarrassing when he can feel Kurt's eyes on his back.
He closes the door of the bathroom behind him once he's in, because this way he stupidly feels less exposed to Kurt. The bathroom isn't too big or small, it is perfect. The colors are light, which is something Sebastian wouldn't have expected before he saw Kurt's room, but now it makes a lot of sense. He looks around the room to the cupboard under the sink. When he opens the door, the towels are there as Kurt said. For some stupid reason, it makes Sebastian trust Kurt some more. It should be just a detail, but it's not which feels … awkward.
The orange bathrobe is hanging on the wall beside the blue one and Sebastian can't help but wonder if this is new stuff. He's not sure if Kurt is a gentleman enough to realize that making Sebastian wear stuff other guys have worn can be gross, but considering that Kurt said he got a toothbrush just for him, maybe the same goes for the robe. Sebastian really hopes so.
It's not only that it would gross him out to wear something other guys have worn, but it's also that for unknown reasons, the thought of another boy allowed in this space makes him extremely jealous. Wes's gaze made him think that Kurt doesn't usually carry boys around the house – even less around his room – and Sebastian wants to believe it is true, wants to think no other boy was allowed in Kurt's space like he's allowed now.
He doesn't know what this jealous instinct is right now, but it's probably what pushes him to grab a towel and then move towards the robes hanging on the wall. He nuzzles at the orange one, and if he has to be honest, it actually smells like something new. Maybe Kurt has actually bought it for him. He moves a little on the left, his nose just brushing Kurt's robe. It's clean and fresh, but there's also a different smell of it. Sebastian can feel that it's not new, that it belongs to someone. It belongs to Kurt, which makes the smell so much more pleasant to him. It's gorgeous and fascinating, just like Kurt is actually.
When he opens the door of the shower, something in the room shifts just slightly. It's warmer and he can hear the sound of a hot air-blower in the room. It must be some sort of air conditioning and it makes Sebastian shiver at how pleasant the temperature in the room feels. Sebastian wonders if it's some automatic device that turns on when one opens the shower door or if Kurt turned it on for him. He guesses it's just automatic.
He starts stripping out of his clothes, putting them on the sink beside him for the moment, and then he gets into the shower, closing the door behind him. This kind of warming up system makes it easier for him to be naked; but it's even more comfortable when he flicks the water on and realizes that it's perfectly warm. Sebastian has never experienced as much comfort as he's done in the last few minutes. It's the perfect feeling, to finally let the water soothe every kind of dirt he feels on the inside and the outside. For the first time since he's here he can actually enjoy a shower and not just wash himself. He can relax under the stream, let it carry his thoughts, thoughts about Kurt.
It's not like there's much more to think about, is there?
The only friends he had were from Dalton and he lost touch with most of them – even Jeff – once high school was over. Before the accident, he spent most of his nights hanging out by himself and looking for occasional fucks. So what if he stays here? The shower is comfortable, Kurt's bed probably is too. All that he needs to do is to make sure that Kurt won't get tired of him like he did with other boys. But yet again, maybe if Kurt is doing all these things and allowing Sebastian to get his own space in here, there's a chance that he sees Sebastian as something different.
And how could that be bad?
During the last years, all that Sebastian tried to do was to get someone to love him and make him feel cared again. He has to admit that Kurt's ways were awful the first two days, but what about now? Kurt actually showed him that he was sorry for what he did and that he had no idea how much it affected Sebastian. What if Sebastian let his walls down for a moment and talked to Kurt about his accident? It would be the first time he told someone.
His hand wanders around the little porcelain cupboard in the shower wall and Sebastian opens it to find shower gel and shampoo there. He's sure Kurt has told him to wash his hair, so he probably means Sebastian can use the products. He reaches for the shower gel and tugs it open. To be honest, there are so many other things in there, but Sebastian has no idea what they're used for. It's probably skincare and something else for hair, but he can't be sure.
The shower takes longer that he had intention to make it last. It's not his fault though. He just relaxes and almost forgets about everything as the warm stream carries away all of his preoccupations. He washes his whole body a lot more attentively than necessary and then takes care of his hair, because Kurt told him to do so. When he finally feels completely clean again (and it's not about the body, but mostly about his emotions), Sebastian steps out of the shower, quickly grabbing a towel and using it to dry his skin before he urges to wear the robe.
He wears it and gives himself one last dry – especially his feet – before he pulls on his home sandals and moves to the door. He really doesn't think he's supposed to wear his clothes in bed and Kurt has already seen him naked, so why should he risk doing something Kurt might get mad about? Rather than looking for something to wear, he leaves the bathroom and goes to Kurt's room again.
Kurt is laid on the bed, his back pressed against the mattress and a book right before him. He turns his head immediately though and gazes at Sebastian with a little concern in his eyes.
"Was the water cold?"
"It was perfect." Sebastian replies immediately and then he shrugs a little in his robe. "I just … didn't know where to put my clothes-" He stops abruptly because it's not his clothes he's talking about. Those are the clothes Kurt gave to him when he decided to dress him up.
"See that basket over there?" He nods towards a little container by the desk. "That's where dirty clothes go, so that when the cleaning service comes in, they know what to take to the laundry."
Sebastian nods and turns back for a moment. He goes into the bathroom again, just leaning in to gather his clothes, and walks back to the bedroom to open the basket and let them fall in. He lifts the hood of the robe and uses it to dry his hair, drops of water still falling from it. He really doesn't want to mess Kurt's floor. What if Kurt decided to punish him now when they're suddenly getting closer? Sebastian would hate himself.
"What are you doing, dummy?" Kurt asks though and Sebastian turns to him worried that he's done something wrong. But Kurt's tone was playful and the smile on his face confirms that as he kneels on the bed.
"I, I hmmm was trying not to make a mess in your room." Sebastian pronounces, suddenly feeling unsure about his own idea, especially when Kurt laughs again.
Kurt's laugh is a lot different than the first time he heard it. Kurt sounded sarcastic and twisted, but right now, Sebastian can hear the spontaneity of it. It's like it's not part of his mask and his social role. This is just Kurt laughing at his clumsiness and maybe it shouldn't feel as good as it feels.
"I told you I'd help you fix your hair." Kurt reminds him and then he pats on the spot next to him along the mattress. Sebastian stares there like he doesn't know what to do. "Come here."
The imperative – but still soft – voice is enough to convince him to move. He settles on the space where Kurt had patted with his hand, holding himself tightly in the bathrobe. When Kurt notices he leans his hands until his fingers are holding the cords of the robe. He doesn't pull them or anything, just tugs a little.
"Do you want to get dressed first?" He asks and looks up into Sebastian's eyes.
Sebastian might be a little hypnotized at his blue eyes, but let's be honest, who wouldn't? Those are the most beautiful eyes Sebastian has ever seen and he's pretty sure that the color even shifts on days.
"No, I'm fine." He says and just shivers a little at the way Kurt's fingers brush on the skin of his chest, between the folds of the material.
"Okay, then wait, I'll take care of you."
Kurt moves away for a moment and Sebastian looks down. His gaze is curious to follow Kurt around, but he doesn't dare to. In fact, he just waits until Kurt is back on the bed. When Sebastian finally looks up, Kurt is plugging in a hair-dryer. Sebastian's mouth drops just a little open and he can't deny how impressed he is at this. Something about the dubious consent when they had sex must have actually shaken him. He isn't sure about why it affects Kurt so much. For what he's seen, the world Kurt lives in is nothing but violent so would it even make him feel … guilty? Because it looks like Kurt is trying to make up for it.
"What?" Kurt tilts his head on the side a little when Sebastian doesn't say anything and just stares. "Is this okay?"
Sebastian's not even sure what he's agreeing on. Well, logic makes it easy to guess, but at the same time, he wants to make sure Kurt won't just burn his skin for fun or something.
"Drying my hair?" He licks his lower lip. "I can do that. I mean, I usually keep them wet but if I could do that now, it'd be-"
"No, I want to do it." Kurt stops him, pulling the dryer away from him in an instant. When Sebastian's face shows his panic a little, he moves in and cups his jaw, stroking his cheek with his thumb. He looks a little uncomfortable at the touch, like he isn't used to being so intimate with people. "Hmm," he moves his hand away when he realizes the touch is too awkward, "I really … want to do it. Can I do it, Sebastian? Can I take care of you?"
Sebastian knows this is a consequence of what happened, knows that now Kurt wants to be sure of everything he does and that Sebastian wants it too. What Sebastian doesn't know is why Kurt would even care. Well, okay, maybe he has got a human side but … it's not like he knows what happened to Sebastian and even if he did know, Sebastian is just a stranger to him. Why bother?
He shouldn't care, but he does care and this makes Sebastian flattered and a little weird at the same time.
"Yes," he replies anyway, cheeks flushing at the thought of what is going to happen, "Yes, you can."
Kurt's lips move to a lovely smile and Sebastian might be melting just a little. Sebastian's heart skips a beat while he moves closer and turns the dryer on. He blows a hot stream of air directly onto his face and Sebastian frowns for a moment, suddenly fearing that his worry about Kurt wanting to burn him wasn't so unexaggerated. But the air isn't scorching, in fact, after the first impact it is actually pleasant. He closes his eyes and relaxes while Kurt holds the dryer.
Sebastian gets a little lost for a moment, but he realizes he's been this relaxed for too long because Kurt is choking on a sudden laugh. When he opens his eyes, he can clearly see that Kurt is mocking him a bit, but he can't bring himself to care. In fact, he's smiling already at how pretty Kurt looks when he laughs so at ease.
And then Kurt is suddenly moving in, lifting a little on his knees. His hands end up through Sebastian's hair, he brushes, strokes as the warm air dries it up. Sebastian almost purrs, presses into the touch, looks for the heat and the tenderness of Kurt's gesture and the way he is taking care of him. It's the most perfect Sebastian has felt in a long, long time and he surely doesn't want to let go on this feeling.
He lets Kurt fix and dry his hair, doesn't even care if he's drying it straight or spiky, and when Kurt turns off the dryer and unplugs it, Sebastian is actually sad that this is over. By now, it's not only his hair, but his whole body feels warm and relaxed. He had missed this feeling. He had missed being okay at home. His place had been so full of trouble before he got kind of kidnapped (he knows it's not the right word, but having to think about his dad giving him to these people kills him a little inside) that he had forgotten the wonderful sensation of being calm and showered before going to sleep. He's happy he's just found out what if was like again.
Kurt passes his hand through Sebastian's hair one last time. He gives it a little tug and fuck, Sebastian thinks is hot because it's not too strong, but perfectly amazing. He can almost feel a little something shift under the bathrobe, but he tries to kill it because he's loving the moment and doesn't want to make it anything but what it is.
Luckily for him, Kurt moves his hands away and rocks a little on the spot where he's sitting before he says, "I need to shower too. Do you want me to help you get dressed first?"
Sebastian's mouth drops and he has no idea what to reply because on the one hand, he'd love the idea of Kurt helping him getting dressed up; on the other hand though, he doesn't want to look that pathetic. He's so desperate for attention that he enjoyed a boy drying his hair even though he's a prisoner and even if he won't fight Kurt, he doesn't want to be even more submissive than necessary.
"No, I can do it myself, if that's okay?" He hates that he needed to ask if it was ok. Kurt nods and he's still smiling at least. "I just, hmm, don't know where to find clothes."
Kurt wrinkles his nose and nods again.
"Right, how silly of me." He utters softly and Sebastian is pretty sure something is going on in Kurt's head, otherwise how would one justify how much of a lunatic he is. "You can pick whatever you want from the last drawer," he points at the wardrobe behind Sebastian and Sebastian turns to check on it, "It's stuff for guests. My mom educated me to always have some and even though she's gone now, I'm already too used to that to let go of the tradition."
The words have Sebastian turning abruptly towards Kurt and looking at him in surprise. He didn't know Kurt had gone through such a loss. The other boy must realize he might have said too much because – just to confirm Sebastian's theories on his lunatic attitude – his gaze turns into ice and he looks like he's lost any single trace of that humanity he's had all day in the blink of an eye.
"Forget I even said that." He says coldly, making Sebastian uncomfortable with that glance. "I hope I'll find you ready to go to bed when I'll be back, in bed."
His tone is threatening and firm and that's all he says before he's standing up and walking away from Sebastian again, both physically and emotionally. Maybe if Kurt wants to keep him here for long, Sebastian should learn how to live with this. He should probably get used to Kurt's mood shifting so quickly.
As soon as the boy disappears into the bathroom, Sebastian stands up from the bed and walks to the wardrobe. He opens the last drawer and takes a look at his options. Most of the clothes are a fitting size and Sebastian is thankful for that because if Kurt comes out of the bathroom in a bad mood, there's no way he'll accept a wrong size as an excuse.
He ends up pulling out sweatpants and a heavy gray hoodie. There are no briefs in the drawer and maybe Kurt forgot to mention where to take them but Sebastian won't risk asking and he prefers sleeping without anyway.
He looks at the bed uncomfortably for a moment. He can't hide that he feels a little awkward at the idea of sliding into Kurt's bed when he's not there, but still, with the way Kurt was looking at him, Sebastian is pretty sure that he doesn't want to disobey.
Therefore, he walks closer and lifts the covers. They feel heavy and he wonders if he's going to be hot underneath, wonders if Kurt will let him pull them off in case. He hates being in this situation, but he's not sure he'd run away if he could. And it's not only because he's afraid, but also because he doesn't know where to go. He isn't going to go back to his dad who let this happen and he's pretty sure his college career is compromised for this year. So he wouldn't complain if Kurt had him sleeping under heavy covers.
He slides into bed and pulls them up. They don't feel as heavy as they felt in his hands moments ago and if he has to be honest, the bed is very comfortable. He rests his head on one of the pillows and closes his eyes. He's not sure if he is supposed to sleep or not. Kurt just told him he wanted him ready to go to bed, which doesn't mean he wanted him asleep already. Sebastian can't help but wonder if things are always going to be so confusing and complicated.
He lets himself close his eyes, promises he won't fall asleep and then lets his mind wander. The whole day has been confusing, very confusing. Kurt's mood changes like the seasons and what if someday it gets too much? What if Kurt gets too angry? The real question is actually … is Kurt dangerous?
Until now, it was mostly sexual and just a slap, but what if Kurt is used to do worse than that? What if it just hasn't happened yet? From the glares Kurt gives to him most of the time, Sebastian doubts he might let it get too far, but when he loses his temper, Kurt looks like he's not that capable of controlling himself. After today, Sebastian is aware of Kurt's human side. He isn't used to it yet, but he knows it exists. And yet he can't bring himself to believe he won't take it too far, which is scary.
And if Kurt didn't have such an angel face, things would be so much easier. But his face calms Sebastian when he's not angry and that makes him forget about the times he is.
Sebastian sighs to himself and his body starts getting used to the heat and the comfort, finally relaxing a bit more from that stiff position. He feels a little like he's at home in this moment, feels like he's laid in his bed and just resting after a long day. And that is what manages to soothe him and calm him down, this feeling of being at his own place, like this isn't some kind of deadly trap, like he's sure he'll wake up in the morning. It's not like he's afraid Kurt might kill him in his sleep, but there's not only Kurt in here and this is the mob. What if his dad doesn't appreciate him letting his "guests" wander around the house?
The thought carries a lot of more questions with it: if Kurt's dad actually killed him, would Kurt mind? Would he complain? Or would he just forget about Sebastian like he was just a toy? At this point, Sebastian is convinced that things are different for him. The fact that Kurt seemed so surprised at having shared some personal detail might mean that he has never done so with any of his … boys. He has no idea why the thought of other boys sends so many jealous and angry vibes along his body, but he guesses it's just because Kurt is the only one who gave him affection in so long. Of course it is kind of wicked and doesn't always last longer than the blink of an eye, but it's still affection.
Somewhere along these thoughts, Sebastian starts to drift. Maybe it's the emotional heaviness of the day, maybe it's his incapacity to come out with some answers; or maybe it is just the lovely background sound of drops of water coming from the bathroom that steadies him. When he falls asleep he has no idea what time it is and still doesn't know in which part of the city he is. All that he knows is Kurt, Kurt is his only certainty.
/
Sebastian's eyes blink open during the night, although for once he's not being woken up by nightmares. At first, he doesn't understand what it is that actually shook him from his sleep. He spends a few minutes in a state of confusion, his body feeling too relaxed to actually move. Then he slowly starts focusing on the pressure on his chest, against his legs, almost everywhere along his body. For a moment, he's afraid that Kurt might have chained him down or God knows what to punish him for having fallen asleep; but then he realizes … it's Kurt himself who is resting on him.
His gaze is still blurred and his mind is stoned from sleep, but he's sure that Kurt's head is resting on his chest. So is his hand. His fingertips are barely touching the material of Sebastian's hoodie (well, technically it's not his) and Sebastian's heart is beating just a little faster. Kurt didn't punish him for falling asleep without any order, but that's not it. He's sleeping so close to Sebastian, cuddling almost, and looks so pretty and harmless when he is asleep. Sebastian can see half of his face from there, and it's the most beautiful thing he has ever seen.
Kurt is shifting on his chest, groaning painfully but quietly words that Sebastian can't distinguish. He looks a little frightened, like he is looking for closeness. Sebastian lets him snuggle in, doesn't push him away, but at the same time, he doesn't deepen the contact. He hasn't forgotten how Kurt regretted his moment of vulnerability just for talking about his mom. He can only imagine what would happen if Kurt woke up and realized Sebastian is holding him in his sleep with no permission. Well, maybe nothing would happen. You can never tell with Kurt.
So Sebastian just stays still, lets Kurt cuddle in but doesn't cuddle back. Eventually, he falls asleep again.
/
For more than two weeks, things follow the same routine, except Kurt becomes easier and easier around Sebastian. Sometimes they even laugh and make jokes, and although there's always an awkward moment of silence later, Sebastian feels amazing while they giggle around each other. For most of the time, Kurt's awful attitude is toned down. When Sebastian does something he shouldn't do – but it's accidental most of the time – Kurt just scolds him and sometimes looks awfully at him. But that's all.
In his heart, Sebastian hopes that it's because Kurt is starting to see him at least as more of a friend than just a toy. He isn't the kind of friend Kurt would talk to his other friends, but still. They have something. It's intimate and tensed and hangs between them without ever turning into more or less. Sebastian wishes it could be more but he's okay with it anyway. It's not like a boy like Kurt could fall for him. For most of life, Sebastian thought no one was ever going to fall for him. He was an asshole, and now that he's not anymore, he's fallen for an asshole. Life can be a bitch.
When Kurt studies in his room, he allows Sebastian to stay if he keeps silent. For the first week, Sebastian had no idea what to do to spend his time, so he would just stare at the ceiling without saying a word. When Kurt wasn't watching, he took advantage and stared at how handsome he is. At some point, Kurt must have noticed his boredom though, because one day he came to Sebastian and handed him a PSP by saying, "It's my brother's, but you can have it. He's too dumb to finish videogames anyway."
Sebastian is still hesitant to use it now because, well, Kurt's family is dangerous from what he understands and he's not sure Kurt has asked for permission to take that PSP.
So it is one of those nights and Sebastian is sprawled on Kurt's bed – more comfortable and less stiff than he was the first few days; he is playing with the PSP but he's not paying too much attention to it as Kurt studies. In fact, he mostly looks at Kurt and looks back at the last few weeks and the nights especially.
When it happened the first time, Sebastian thought Kurt was having a nightmare or something, but Kurt actually sleeps so close to him every night. He always wakes up early and before Sebastian has a chance to see his reaction; therefore, he has no idea if Kurt knows he does that in his sleep. Maybe he scoots back again during the night and when he wakes up he's not in that position. Maybe he has noticed but doesn't want to mention it because talking about it would make him feel awkward or something.
It's like Sebastian had predicted something however, because tonight it's different.
When they go to sleep (no sex, and actually they've been having a lot less lately), Kurt doesn't act as usual. He falls asleep first and Sebastian stays there and closes his eyes, trying to bring himself to do the same. A lot of time goes by, maybe more than one hour before he starts drifting. His mind is fogged with memories of his old place, where he lived with his parents before they separated. He's almost smiling at the thought of afternoons spent by playing in the garden and dirtying his clothes. His mom would scold him but then Sebastian would pout and she'd stop, sighing and making Sebastian promise that he wouldn't do that next time. Of course he would.
Sebastian knows what Kurt has been feeling. His mom is still alive but lives in Europe and Sebastian hasn't seen her in years. What if he never sees her again? It would be just like … no, he doesn't want to think that.
Kurt stiffens beside him, and Sebastian is shaken off from his thoughts and his upcoming sleep. He fears Kurt might have finally realized what he does in his sleep but for now it seems like he is still asleep. Sebastian sighs a little in relief, but it doesn't last long because Kurt starts shaking and sobbing. Sebastian tilts his head and leans his neck to see if he's awake. But he's not. He is still sleeping and curling up against Sebastian's side.
Sebastian must admit it, the sound of crying sobbing is one of the most painful things he's ever heard. He looks and sounds so undefended, like he has no idea how to soothe his own suffering for reasons that are completely unknown to Sebastian. His chest clenches when Kurt sobs a little louder and then whispers, "I'm scared …"
"What of?" Sebastian whispers quietly, thinking that Kurt has woken up.
But he hasn't. He is murmuring words of fear in his sleep, sometimes they're confused, sometimes they're clearer and Sebastian has no idea what to do.
He has no permission to touch Kurt, but it's killing him to see Kurt hurt, especially because he was feeling hurt from his own memories a moment ago. He wants to soothe it and he knows he can't, which makes it a lot more painful than it should be to watch his unwanted master suffering. Whatever, it's not like Sebastian hasn't figured out he's been falling for Kurt.
When he can't take it anymore and the urge of helping Kurt out with whatever he's afraid of becomes too much, Sebastian wraps his arms around his shoulders and holds him tightly. He barely has the time to enjoy how wonderful it feels to do such a silly boyfriends-like gesture that Kurt stiffens in his arms. It takes him just a few seconds to figure out what is happening apparently.
"What are you doing?" His voice comes out quiet but quite threatening.
Sebastian is already panicking inside and what scares him more than being punished is the sudden fear that Kurt is going to build walls around himself just because he let Sebastian see him like this. He moves away from the hug, doesn't need to struggle to do so because Sebastian lets him go.
When Kurt is sitting on the bed, looking at Sebastian in shock like he can't believe what just happened, Sebastian keeps to himself that he thinks his master might be overreacting.
"I asked you a question." Kurt repeats when Sebastian hasn't replied yet.
"You were shaking-" he tries.
"That's not an answer to my question." Kurt's eyes shine dangerously and they look a lot clearer now that he's just woken up.
It's a weird mix, anger and clear eyes. Usually Kurt's eyes would turn blue when he's mad. This is completely different.
"I was holding you because you said you were scared." Sebastian replies then, trying to sound convincing and maybe even a little mad because he wasn't doing anything wrong.
"I didn't." Kurt snaps immediately and Sebastian shakes his head.
"In your sleep, you said you were scared, you were shaking and sobbing and-"
"I don't fucking sob!" Kurt practically yells at him and it's enough to have Sebastian frozen there where he's laid. The boy looks angrier now, as if Sebastian's words are only making it worse. "I don't sob or shake and I'm not scared of anything!"
Sebastian is sure he can see a little panic in his eyes, as if the thought of being scared actually scares Kurt more than the source of his fears itself. He wants to do more. Even though Kurt is making him angry and nervous with his childish mob kid complaints, Sebastian wants to hold him still, tell him that there's no problem with being scared.
"Okay, then I'm sorry." He says, his voice steadier and less submissive that he thought it'd come out. "But I was worried. You looked scared and I wanted to make your sleep more comfortable. What's wrong with that?"
For a long moment, Kurt looks at him so intensely that Sebastian is afraid he might burn under that gaze. Those blue eyes snap here and there, collect every detail of Sebastian's face until Kurt is moving in urgently and grabbing the waistband of Sebastian's slacks unkindly. When he starts tugging down, Sebastian's chest tightens painfully.
"What are you doing?" He asks, trying to push away every awful memory of his … accident.
This is Kurt.
It's not unknown old men in a gay bar.
Even if it's rushed and unkind like that, it doesn't mean it's the same thing.
He likes Kurt, wants Kurt even when Kurt doesn't have dirty plans on his mind. He just wishes Kurt gave him a chance to explain that he did it for him, that he wasn't taking advantage of any situation.
When Kurt tugs his pants down his legs, Sebastian doesn't feel like complaining, not until Kurt sneaks between his legs and leans in to whispers over his mouth, "Just to remind you that you're never going to be more than this to me."
Sebastian knows it's not true, knows they've overcome some emotional barriers along the game, but he also knows Kurt easily gets stuck on ideas. He looks into his blue eyes, his jaw clenching just a little angrily as he breathes in and out. He feels like slapping Kurt but he won't do it, not after he's seen that softer side of him tonight.
"You're my boy toy and that is what you're going to be until I get tired of you," Kurt growls and his eyes are now turning darker as usual, "You have no right and no obligation to hold me unless I tell you to. And I won't tell you."
As their bodies slide together, just little brushes at first, Sebastian can't help but to go along with his desire. He knows Kurt won't listen to him anyway, not now, so why bother? He can enjoy even sex with someone he actually wants, a lot. When Kurt feels he's tensed and involved (Sebastian will pretend he hasn't noticed that Kurt made sure he was okay with this somehow), he takes Sebastian without preparation. He just licks his palm and wraps his hand around his length before it happens. It's mostly just a symbol though, because with the sex they've been having since Sebastian is here, he hardly feels pain for not having been prepared. It's just a little more than usual to feel Kurt inside, but Sebastian welcomes him and gets used to the feeling quite quickly.
Kurt buries his face in the crook of his neck and he keeps it there. He has Sebastian's wrists wrapped in one hand over Sebastian's head and he fucks into him with a constant tempo and starts groaning desperately halfway through it. Sebastian closes his eyes and bites his lower lip not to tell Kurt how much he loves the sounds he's making. When the orgasm approaches, Kurt starts calling him names but Sebastian knows he doesn't mean them, knowing he is scared. So he just lets himself enjoy it until Kurt's collapsing over his body, twitching inside as he spills his release. Sebastian comes from one accidental movement against Kurt's torso and he's relieved when Kurt doesn't scold him or yell at him for having dared to come.
He knows he should probably feel offended at the lack of delicacy, but honestly he loved feeling wanted and he's so sure that Kurt is hiding his emotions from him because he's afraid that all he has to do is to keep his anger inside. Also, he finds it awkward that he needs to keep himself from wrapping his arms around Kurt again. He should have learned the lesson but it's becoming so ordinary to just be with him, that Sebastian only wants to cuddle. He shuts the desire down and forces himself to sleep instead, because he doesn't want to see Kurt angry again.
Fun fact is that he cares more about Kurt being relaxed rather than angry, than he cares about Kurt being mad with him. He doesn't know if it is supposed to mean something in the process of falling for a dangerous mob guy. He doesn't feel like thinking about it now.
/
When he wakes up the morning after, Sebastian is alone in Kurt's room. He's not surprised at first, because Kurt always wakes up before him and rarely decides that Sebastian has had enough sleep already. When he looks down though, he has his pants up again. He couldn't tug them up with Kurt's body on his own last night, and he guesses Kurt probably did that for him before he left. The thought of Kurt doing something for him is always as pleasant as it seems.
He doesn't see Kurt for most of the day, although he now has permission to wander around the 'safe area' of the Hudmel's estate. He only has occasions to gaze at him through rooms and hallways, but Kurt doesn't stop by or talk to him. It feels weird.
When he's about to go back to the boy's room that night, a guard – Bruce, if he remembers properly – stops him and tells him that Kurt wants him to go back to his room. The stab at Sebastian's heart is a lot more painful than it should, especially because it has little to do with the idea of comfortable beds and large windows that don't make him feel oppressed. It is more about the fact that Kurt doesn't want him there. It makes him want to cry and beg – but it would be too much for his already hurt pride – eventually he obeys.
What convinces him is the thought that maybe Kurt is just having a bad day, has felt too vulnerable and needs a little space for himself. It makes Sebastian guess that tomorrow they'll be okay again and then Kurt will come to his room once more and ask him to go upstairs with him to sleep together or just lay there like their lazy afternoons.
But he doesn't.
Kurt doesn't go to him for the following three days, and although the guards treat Sebastian respectfully because they know he belongs to Kurt, Sebastian has never felt emptier. It's like his ears are whistling all the time and his stomach won't stop clenching.
He knows he's a fool of course. If he hadn't let Kurt get under his skin, this would have never happened. Instead, he's been an idiot and has allowed Kurt to have this effect on him. All of a sudden, living feels just like breathing again, and he's lost any interest in doing more than that. He spends the following days staring at walls, wrapping his arms around himself and looking for the kind of heat that came from Kurt's body before. It never comes.
It feels like walking underwater and there's nothing he can do to fix it. He doesn't let himself cry, or maybe just feels too empty to do so. It's weird though. Even before he closed into his own walls one year ago, Sebastian had never let someone have such an effect on him, especially with the way Kurt treated him at first. It's special, but Sebastian isn't sure it is a positive kind of special. It doesn't feel like it if he's curled up on his bed and barely cares about eating, drinking or doing anything.
It can't be positive.
A/N: Yeah, I know Kurt is sort of the king of jackasses at times. Don't worry, he'll make up for it as much as he can. Have some patience with this arse.