Chapter 17

"I'm starting with the man in the mirror, I'm asking him to change his ways"

"Tweek, when did you realize you were in love with Craig?" Kyle asked his best friend from their corner of the barracks. The other prisoners avoided Kyle and Tweek as much as possible, they had come to be known around the camp as "the freak" and "the Commandant's tool-" according to the prisoners, they were both living trouble. Kyle couldn't complain, he was thankful for his late night, private conversations with Tweek, especially having this conversation. Kyle had told himself that he had fallen in love with the Commandant, but he wanted to talk to Tweek about it because he was certain this was no fleeting crush.

"Gah! Kyle, I don't remember the exact time or day," Tweek said, tugging slightly at his hair. Kyle smiled and gently grabbed his hands to pull them away from his mess of blonde.

"Tweek, I don't mean the exact date or hour. I mean how did you know, what did you feel?" Tweek squeezed Kyle's hands as his mouth formed a silent "oh" and he blushed. Tweek pulled his hands back into his lap and fiddled with his thumbs, perhaps thinking of how to word what he wanted to say.

"I can't say that it was just one thing that made me realize but several," Tweek told him quietly. "Craig and I had been friends for years as you know, but it came to a point where we weren't exactly acting like friends. There were times when we walked together that we would hold hands, even sitting on the couch our hands would find each other. We even started falling asleep together in the same bed, holding each other. Everything just happened so natural between us and neither of us questioned it, we both just let it happen. I remember feeling like my heart would explode every time he hugged me or searched for my hand." Tweek turned his right hand palm up and used his left fingers to trace the lines in his hand. "One summer it was too hot to hold each other in bed, so instead we held hands at our sides all night," Tweek said with a smile of pride, as if recalling the moment was a tender memory for him. "One morning I woke up and I looked over at Craig and my heart just started beating really fast. Believe me Kyle I wasn't having an attack, this was different. I wanted to kiss him and I guess that was when I realized that the both of us had possibly become something more than friends, probably for a while. But I was too scared to kiss him because I what if he didn't feel the same and was repulsed by me. I'd lose a best friend and that would kill more than rejection." Tweek rubbed the back of his neck, and Kyle could see his blush even in the moonlit room. "It's just something I knew in my heart, the heart wants what the heart wants you know."

Kyle listened to every word, smiling the whole while because it really was touching to see how happy the memories made Tweek. Kyle used to believe not too long ago that love brought pain and heartache, but the more time he spent with the Commandant, and speaking with Tweek about Craig, he was coming to realize it could be a beautiful thing. He was learning that love had its ups and downs, but being truly in love was a wonderful feeling. He assessed Tweek's story and compared it to his interactions with the Commandant and they weren't far off at all. Their hands would find each other, he welcomed any embrace between them, and kissing him just felt like the most natural thing in the world. Yes, Kyle was in love and it wasn't painful.

"Kyle, are you in love with Cartman?" Tweek whispered so soft that Kyle just barely heard him. Color rushed to his pale cheeks and his instincts told him to deny it, but this was Tweek and Kyle knew he would see through any excuse he gave him. So after several seconds of gaining his composure back he told Tweek the truth.

"Yes...yes, I am. You must think I've completely lost it, huh Tweek." Tweek scrunched his eyes up as if he was thinking really hard.

"Well Kyle, if you want me to be honest..."

Kyle wasn't exactly sure he wanted him to be honest. Was he about to lose his best friend? Kyle waited on bated breath for Tweek's answer. "I always thought there was more to Cartman than he was letting on. He was always a jerk face, but I felt like he was trying to mask something inside him. Some people hide their pain by being overly happy, but I felt like Cartman was being overly cruel." Kyle just stared at his friend in shock, his mouth slightly open. Tweek had no idea just how right he was. "Cartman's anger only got worse when he lost his sister, I assume he told you about her." Kyle nodded and Tweek continued. "I don't know how it happened or why, and I'm not about to ask, but the fact that he opened up to you means something. I never really spent any time with Cartman, not like you have these few months." Tweek wrapped his pinky around Kyle. "Kyle, you gave me a chance the first night we met even though the rest of the camp hated me and called me a freak. You saw past my "freaky" exterior and got to know the real me. If anyone could see past Cartman's shit it's you. If you say you love him then I trust that you see something no one else can, and I trust you. And I never thought I'd meet anyone who could deal with Cartman's shit, so kudos to you Kyle." Tweek and Kyle both shared a soft giggle at this. Cartman and Kyle both were a spitfire of their own, but they also seemed to balance each other out and Kyle felt like they both needed that.

"Thanks Tweek," Kyle said squeezing Tweek's pinky. He was really thankful Tweek did not resent him or judge him; deep down he knew he wouldn't.

"But if he breaks your heart, I'll break his face." The two laughed again and Kyle brought their pinkies up to eye level.

"Deal."

/

Cartman awoke, not from his alarm, but because of a smell, a smell he couldn't place but whatever that smell was it was foul as can be. "That asshole Clyde probably let some food rot," Cartman grumbled burying his nose in his pillow in hopes of not getting whiffs of the smell, and to go back to sleep. Unfortunately his alarm went off not too long after and he had no choice but to get up for the day.

"Clyde, is there rotten food in the fridge?" Cartman asked, bitterly sitting down at the table to nurse a mug of coffee that was waiting for him. Sabrina hopped up on the table to demand attention from the Commandant and he was happy to oblige while he waited for breakfast.

"No sir. You hate leftovers so there never are any," Clyde said popping his head out from the kitchen to tell him and then he returned to his duties.

When the Commandant had his fill and was ready for another day in the camp, he opened the door to leave the Villa and the smell hit him full force, so strong it almost made him sick. That smell was coming from outside, in the camp! What the hell was it? It smelled rotten, like something was decaying in the hot summer sun even though it was the middle of winter. Cartman didn't want to breathe but he knew he had to do his job and oversee the camp.

When he entered the camp in time for roll call he noticed something he never had before. The prisoners clothes hung off of them as if they were three sizes too big, their faces were all shrunken in so every bone in their face was prominent and they all looked like death walking. Had they always been so skinny? All of them? Did Kyle look like this too? If he had why had he never noticed? And if Cartman were being honest with himself he was afraid to look at Kyle now. Did the prisoners look like this because of the camp? And if that was true, then this was all his fault. Cartman shook his head to get his thoughts in order. He couldn't think about this now, he had a camp to run.

Towards the middle of the day Cartman started to feel sick and he blamed it on Clyde's half baked cooking; Gerald was a much better cook and he made a note to have him cook his meals from now on. For some reason the more he saw around the camp, the more sick he became. So many of the prisoners worked like they were at death's door, with hopelessness in their eyes.

But that's what you wanted Eric.

Was that what he wanted? It was! It shouldn't be bothering him now, dammit!

Cartman was a witness to several prisoners falling in the snow and they didn't get back up. It was only when his soldiers were dragging them away did he realize they were dead. Bile rose up in his throat when they dragged the corpses past him, their fingers and hands were black from frostbite. Not only did he notice the frost bite, but the smell, the smell was the same as his camp and he was finally able to pinpoint it. Death. His camp smelled of decay and death. How many prisoners had died in his camp?

But that's what you wanted, wasn't it, Eric? For them to all die.

No! He wanted them to suffer, to pay for the crime of being Jews. Death was too good for them, they deserved to suffer, not to die.

But yet you looked the other way when they died didn't you? You've even killed your fair share. You didn't care Eric.

He didn't. He didn't care, so why did he suddenly care now? Why all of a sudden did he see all of this as if he had new eyes? Why was he suddenly smelling and seeing death before him? Why did it feel like the sight of the camps insides were ripping him apart? This didn't make sense!

He was broken from his inner turmoil by a scream and instinct had him running to follow it. When he came to a stop he saw a prisoner beaten to a pulp in the fetal position in the snow, blood coated his face and by the way he was holding his stomach he was probably kicked several times there by the soldier standing over him. The soldier looked animalistic, almost like a wolf moving in the for the kill. It was that moment that Cartman saw himself in that soldier. That was who he was, that was how everyone viewed him and he made the revelation that was no longer what he wanted. Not even from Jews.

The soldier grabbed his pistol from his belt and aimed it at the beaten man in the snow. "No!" Cartman shouted, his legs moving faster than his brain and knocked the soldier in the side causing him to fall in the snow.

"You poor excuse for a soldier! How many times do I have to say it?! Punishments and executions are to be ordered and carried about by the Commandant only! Get out of here you insolent piece of shit!" Cartman was in hysterics, more angry than he felt in a long time. The soldier scrambled to his feet and heiled him.

"I'm sorry I disobeyed orders sir." And the rabid wolf ran off with its tail between his legs. Cartman glared after him, but then turned back to the battered man in the snow. He was overcome with the need to help the man, and although he didn't understand why, he followed the voice telling him to help him.

"Are you alright?" Cartman asked softly, dropping to his knees in the snow. When he placed his hand on the man's shaking shoulder he sat up and backed away, fear blazing from his bleeding eyes.

"Stay away from me!" The man screamed in pure terror. Cartman stood and took a step towards the man slowly, as if approaching a wounded animal.

"I just want to help." And he did. That was the truth. He genuinely wanted to help the man, but the man-now trembling-back further away from him.

"You're a liar! You're a monster! All of you people are the devil! I may be bleeding, but how much blood is on your hands Commandant?!" Cartman froze in his step, his pupils shrinking, and his stomach dropped. Cartman slowly brought his hands up to his face and terror set in. They were covered in blood! Cartman turned and ran, he vaguely heard his name being called from behind him.

/

His body was on fire, that's what snapped him awake in bed and he was breathing heavily. "Sir, try to calm down before you give yourself a panic attack." It was Gerald, sitting in a chair at his bedside.

"Mr. Broflovski? What happened?" Cartman asked in confusion after he calmed himself down. "I feel like shit." Gerald chuckled.

"You look like shit." Cartman snapped a glare at him.

"Ay!" Gerald shook his head and eased Cartman back down in bed.

"You're not well, sir, and you're running a fever. You passed out on me when you came back to the Villa, you came back just before evening roll call. Clyde and I brought you to bed and I've been watching over you ever since. You've been sweating and you lost your breakfast a few times," Gerald informed him, pointing to a sick pan beside the bed. It wasn't full so Cartman had to assume Gerald kept it empty and clean.

"I still feel hot," Cartman said taking a few deep breaths. Gerald grabbed the wash cloth that had fallen in Cartman's lap when he bolted up, and took it to the bathroom to rinse it with cool water. He came back and placed it on Cartman's forehead.

"If I may speak freely sir?" Cartman didn't even think twice before he answered.

"You may."

"I don't think you're actually sick sir." That struck a nerve for Cartman.

"You said yourself I'm sick! Hello, fever and throwing up not ringing a bell in that Jew head of yours?" Gerald shook his head and rolled his eyes.

"Sir, I said you are not well, I didn't say sick." Cartman made a face of annoyance.

"Okay Dr. Broflovski, if you're so smart what is wrong with me?"

"When you came back to the Villa you were talking to yourself and you looked almost-lost." Gerald hung his head, as if he may have actually been worried about Cartman. Cartman looked away from him and bit his lip wondering what he could have possibly said because he couldn't remember a single thing after he ran from the battered man in the snow. "You were saying I don't want this, I don't want to be a monster, I want to change. I want to change." Hearing this made Cartman blush and he rolled over on his side facing away from Gerald. Did he really say all of that? And in front Gerald no less! "Sir I think you need to talk to me before I can tell you what I believe is wrong. What happened today sir?"

Cartman debated whether or not to tell Gerald anything at all. But what won out was thinking about Kyle. This was his father and he had to show that he could trust Gerald too. Cartman sighed and rolled back onto his back and sat up, the rag falling in his lap again. Gerald picked it up and put it on the back of Cartman's neck so it would still have the same effect.

Cartman took a breath and then told Gerald everything. Smelling the camp for the first time, seeing the result of malnutrition from the prisoners, the fact that the prisoners death now bothered him, and even him saving the beaten man and how he reacted from it. "So what is your diagnosis, oh great Dr. Broflovski?" Cartman asked when he was done informing Gerald. Gerald cleared his throat.

"Be honest with me sir, are you in love with my son?" Cartman went on the defensive and was thankful his face was already flushed from the fever.

"What does that have to do with anything" Cartman snapped.

"Because I feel it has to do with everything. When someone falls in love, they tend to see things in a new light. When we truly love someone we tend to want to be the best we can be for that person. If you love my son, you may be having a battle inside yourself to be a better man for him. You may not even realize it, but I believe your heart is telling you change so you're seeing everything new. You're seeing the results of your sins in the camp, sins you would not have ever been able to see if you didn't truly love him and want to be better for him. Your brain is fighting for the Commandant, while your heart is fighting for Eric and it's affecting you mentally and physically. You should ask yourself, who do you want to be? The Commandant, or Eric?"

Cartman was silent, absorbing everything Gerald said like a sponge. It all made sense to him, he wasn't a stranger to internal warfare, he had been through it ever since he lost his sister. But love was definitely new to him when mixed with the pull inside him. Gerald was right, he did want to be a better person for Kyle. He wanted to make him happy, to see him smile, never see the hope drain from his eyes. Something that when they first met he wanted to extinguish at all costs. How things have changed. While he knew he wanted to change, he didn't realize it would affect him to where it would change his views on the camp. Could he really fight the Commandant? For Kyle? Or because Kyle helped him to see it isn't what he truly needed to be happy? What he needed was Kyle.

"Maybe," Cartman said after a long silence between them.

"Maybe what sir?" Cartman fisted his bed sheets and his face flushed even more.

"Maybe I do love him." Gerald stood from his chair and gave Cartman's shoulder a firm squeeze.

"The next step is to tell him. Get some rest sir, if Kyle shows up I'll explain to him that you aren't feeling well." Gerald wanted him to tell Kyle that he was in love with him? Did that mean that he accepted it? Cartman had no idea what gods were blessing him in this moment but he was thankful.

"Thank you Mr. Broflovski," Cartman said, lying back down in his bed. He definitely wasn't ready to face Kyle tonight, not with how he was feeling. Gerald rewet his rag and replaced it on his forehead. "Mr. Broflovski, what can I do for Kyle to make him happy?" Gerald was heading for the door and he stopped, turned back and answered him.

"Baby steps sir. Hanukkah is coming up, just wish him a Happy Hanukkah. It would mean a lot to him." And with that Gerald left. Hanukkah was definitely forbidden, but then again so was his love for Kyle.

/

December 10th, 1944

Cartman kept the door to his music room locked all day, and only he had the key to the room. He made sure to make it clear to those in the Villa that the room was strictly off limits. What he had planned was a definite death sentence should anyone find out and he wasn't quite ready to see Iris again.

That night he had a dance lesson, they both knew Cartman was ready for the party, but the lessons were just an excuse to see Kyle; Craig's lessons ended last month, apparently he was a very fast learner. Kyle met him in the living room after his shower like he always did and seeing him just brought a natural smile to Cartman's face, but his smile faltered when he realized Kyle was just as skinny as the other prisoners. There was a sting in his chest but he had to press it down, it wasn't time to feel guilty.

"Are you feeling better? Papa said you weren't feeling well when I came last night." Cartman was touched that Kyle had worried about him. Cartman reached for Kyle's hand and entwined it with his.

"Just a bug Kyle, I feel fine," Cartman said stepping closer to Kyle. "I have something to show you, come with me." But Kyle didn't move, instead he stood there looking like he was guilty of something. "Is something wrong, Kyle?" Cartman asked out of concern.

"Before we start, I have a request." Kyle bit his lip as if he was worried to speak his request. Cartman reached his other hand out to caress his cheek to soothe his worry.

"Anything, Kyle." Kyle closed his eyes and nuzzled into his hand for a moment, but then looked at Cartman with determination in his emerald eyes.

"Kiss me."

Cartman's heart raced at this request. Yes they kissed a few days prior, but Cartman was worried those kisses would be a one time thing, just them being caught up in the moment. That night there were several blissful exchanges between them, with words and lips, but Cartman didn't want to assume Kyle wanted more just because Cartman sure as hell did.

Cartman's answer was not with words, but with his lips. The moment he kissed Kyle he heard him inhale in bliss, an action that sent shivers down his spine. That small inhale proved to Cartman that Kyle had wanted to kiss him for a while and practically melted when he had his chance. Never did he ever imagine Cartman would have something like this.

He pulled out of the kiss and smirked at how red Kyle's face was. Cartman leaned down to whisper in Kyle's ear. "From now on, Jew, if you want to kiss me, don't ask, just do it. Is that understood?" He saw Kyle shiver and watched the goosebumps appear on his skin. Was his ear a weakness? He'd had to test that later. For now he pulled away to see an even more flushed Kyle. Oh yes, his ear was definitely a weak spot.

"Y-yes sir."

Cartman smirked and turned to lead Kyle.

"Now come on Jew." He lead him to the door of his music room, pulled out the key from his pocket and unlocked the door. "Close your eyes." Kyle squinted his eyes at Cartman as if he wasn't sure so Cartman rolled his eyes. "Just close your eyes Kahl." And Kyle did so. Cartman led him through the door, closed and locked it behind them.

"Should I be worried you locked the door?" Kyle asked with his eyes still closed.

"You'll understand why I locked it when you open your eyes," Cartman said, stepping beside Kyle, needing to see his reaction to his surprise. "You can open them now Kyle." Kyle did and for a moment his eyes wandered but then settled on what they were meant to. Set up on the grand piano were eight candles lined up horizontally. None of the candles were the same, they were all a different shape and size, but he hoped Kyle wouldn't take it for face value. "Obviously I don't have a menorah at my disposal so this was all I could do. I'm sure it sucks ass but—"

"Cartman stop, just stop." Kyle's voice cracked and Cartman looked down to see that he was crying. How much did Cartman just fuck up? "You did this? For me?" Kyle asked, his tears flowing down his cheeks.

"I did. Is it that bad?" Kyle suddenly wrapped his arms around Cartman's waist and embraced him tightly, crying into his neck.

"You can't begin to imagine what this means to me." I didn't fuck up. Thank god. Cartman wrapped his arms around his crying Jew and allowed him his moment. After a bit Kyle pulled away and looked back at the makeshift menorah on the piano while wiping away his tears. "Cartman it's perfect. Thank you so much." Cartman's heart raced from Kyle's gratitude and he walked up to the piano to grab a box of matches.

"I want you to come back every night to light one of the candles. It'll be our little secret," he told Kyle with a wink and handed him the matches.

"You're allowing me to light them?" Kyle asked, more tears forming in his eyes.

"Of course Kahl. I didn't do this for you to not light them." Kyle hugged the box of matches to his chest and gave Cartman a watery smile.

"Thank you." Cartman assumed this was just a small gesture on his part, but Kyle made him feel like he gave him the whole world on a silver platter.

"Go ahead and light the first candle Kyle," Cartman said making his way over to sit at the piano. Kyle stood where he was for a few moments, as if not believing all of this was real. When he seemed satisfied that it was, he walked up to the piano, struck a match and then lit the first candle on the left. When it was lit he just stared at the flame, as if it was some other worldly being; and he still could not stop crying. The tears did not bother Cartman, they just proved how important this was to Kyle; he knew these were tears of happiness.

Kyle then put his hands together, closed his eyes and lowered his head a bit. It looked like he was saying a silent prayer. When he finished he opened his eyes and just watched the flame. "Usually we'll blow it out, but I would like to watch it burn for a while. Is that okay?" Cartman nodded even though he wasn't looking at him.

"You can watch it all night if you want." Kyle, keeping his eyes on the dancing flame, came over to join Cartman on the piano bench. He found Cartman's hand at his side, held it, and put it head on his shoulder. "Happy Hanukkah Kyle." Kyle sniffled and took in a deep breath.

"Thank you."

/

December 15th, 1944

Each night Kyle returned to the music room to light a candle from Cartman's makeshift menorah. When he would light one, he would pray silently and then just watch the candle burn for what seemed like hours; most times it was but Cartman never complained. Kyle was happy and that's what mattered to him.

It was the fifth night and they were sitting together on a loveseat; Cartman had moved it in the music room the second day since they would be spending most of their nights in the music room now. Kyle sat with both legs draped over Cartman's lap and he was snuggled up against his chest; they were both wrapped up in a blanket watching the fifth candle burn. "Why me?" Kyle suddenly asked out of nowhere. Cartman picked his head up from its place atop Kyle's head and looked at him.

"Pretty vague Kahl. Care to elaborate?" Kyle snuggled into him more but kept his eyes on the burning candle.

"From my first day at the camp you never left me alone and watched me constantly. Why me and no other prisoner?" Cartman didn't expect the question, but the answer was easy. He returned his cheek to rest in Kyle's curls.

"Because from the very first time we met you weren't afraid of me. Ever since Irisviel died I made it my business to have people be afraid of me. I used fear to control and manipulate people. There was nothing I could do to help Iris that night, so after that I wanted to feel strong and powerful. To me, fear was power. But as the years went on I realized that having everyone fear me brought me absolutely no satisfaction, but I still had a reputation to uphold." While Cartman spoke he rubbed Kyle's boney thigh under the blanket they shared. "That day we met in the barn you had so much fire in your eyes and after that no matter what I did that fire never once wavered." Kyle gave a small chuckle.

"It almost did the day you had Tweek whipped. I was scared I was gonna lose him." Cartman's hand stopped on his thigh and he made a fist.

"I wasn't myself that day, Kyle." Kyle started his own ministrations on Cartman's stomach.

"I know you weren't, Cartman. There was something different about you that day and I will admit that it frightened me. Not because I was afraid of you, I wasn't, but I was worried you had finally lost yourself and I wouldn't see that strong man I had come to love pissing off." They both shared a laugh and then Cartman spoke again.

"That day was the day Irisviel was killed. Usually I'm just depressed that day, but the Führer had sent me a vase of iris blossoms and it just sent me in a rage. I do regret everything I did that day, including what I did to Tweek. If you would like, you may tell him how sorry I am. I genuinely am." Kyle wrapped his arms around Cartman's middle and squeezed.

"You can tell him yourself when this war is over." Who knew when this war would end, but Cartman no longer cared about this war. This war was preventing him from being with Kyle fully and he cursed it.

"I will."

"Now you were saying you were drawn to my hot smoking eyes?" Again they laughed and Cartman shook his head against Kyle's.

"Stupid Jew. But yes, the fire in your eyes intrigued me. At first, I can't lie, I wanted to break you, to snuff out that fire in your eyes. But the more you fought me, the more intrigued I became. I started testing you, challenging you, and it seemed the fire only grew in your eyes. The more time we spent together because of our lessons, I realized I was attracted to that passion in your eyes. The fact that you were not afraid of me went from annoyance, to admiration. When I realized I actually embraced the fact that you didn't fear me, my feelings for you only grew. Does that answer your question?" Kyle nodded into his shoulder.

"It does. Thank you for confiding in me. I have another question."

Cartman smirked. "Of course you do Kahl." Kyle rolled his eyes, but smiled watching the candle burn.

"Hey, think of answering these questions as a Hanukkah present," he said with a giggle in his tone. "Our first dance lesson, we pulled apart from each other and at the time I just accused you of hating to touch me. But learning you were intrigued by me, was there another reason?"

"There was. The moment we touched I didn't expect you to be so warm," Cartman said, a blush forming on his cheeks. "For years whenever I touched anyone, hand shakes or what not, everyone just felt cold to me. I didn't know if it was me or them, but everyone just felt cold. You were the first person who felt warm and your warmth soothed me."

"I pulled away for almost the same reason. I knew you as the evil Nazi Commandant, and I did hate you back then. I expected you to feel ice cold, but you weren't. You too, were very warm, and still warm," Kyle said nuzzling into his chubby body with a sigh of content.

"Now it's my turn for a question, Jew. Since we're talking about that night, you decided to cut the lesson short and ran out. Wanna tell me why?" Kyle didn't take any time before he responded.

"Not only was I shocked that you were incredibly warm, but I felt something else I never felt in all my years as a dancer. I had danced with a lot of different dancers since I was eight, but I never once felt a connection with any of them. But with you Cartman," Kyle found Cartman's hand under the blanket and laced them together. "I felt like we just fit together, like we were meant to dance together. I guess I should have realized then that was a precursor to my developing feelings for you. How gay does that sound?" Cartman chuckled, brought his finger up under Kyle's chin and tilted it up.

"Super gay." And he kissed him. Cartman understood exactly what Kyle meant because he felt it too. Being with Kyle, dancing with him, touching him, embracing him, kissing him, everything felt right and that they were meant to be together. But how would the world outside the Villa allow this? Was this just an impossible dream? If it was, Cartman would gladly dream forever.

/

December 16th, 1944

They both sat on the piano bench together, Cartman was playing "Moonlight Sonata" while Kyle watched the sixth candle burn. "You know what would be a great Hanukkah present?" Kyle asked not taking his eyes off the flame. Cartman smirked but continued to play.

"I couldn't begin to guess." Not realistically anyway because everything he wanted seemed impossible as long as this was war was going on. Kyle wrapped his arm through Cartman's and held his bicep; he was still able to play this way.

"It would be a great present if you told me your name," Kyle said this with a soft purr as if using his charm to convince Cartman to tell him, and he had to admit it almost worked.

"But that would take away from the fun of our game. I actually still can't believe you haven't guessed it yet."

Kyle huffed, removed his arm from Cartman's, and crossed his arms. "Do you know how many names there are in the world, Cartman? How could I possibly guess?" Cartman couldn't help but laugh at his ruffled Jew.

"Kyle, if you could see through the monster of the Commandant and melt his icy heart, I'm sure guessing a name will seem like a cake walk." That seemed to lighten Kyle's mood for he visibly relaxed his facial expression and gave him a wide smile. Kyle then looked back to the burning candle.

"Adam?"

"Nope."

"Shot in the dark. Adolf?" Cartman laughed at this.

"I'm not sure if I'd think that was badass or messed up if that was my name." Kyle snickered.

"Both." Cartman nodded.

"Yeah you're right, both. One more guess Kahl." Kyle was quiet for a bit. Cartman imagined him going through a whole book of names and Cartman actually found it cute.

"Theodore?"

"Well I gotta say I'm impressed Kahl." Kyle snapped his head to the side and gave him a look of excitement.

"I finally guessed right?" Cartman chuckled and bopped him on the nose.

"Close. Theodore is my middle name." Kyle scrunched up his face, rolled his eyes and looked away back to the candle.

"I'll consider that a small victory." Cartman wrapped his arm around Kyle's shoulders and yanked him against his side.

"Of course Kahl."

/

December 18th, 1944

On the eighth night Cartman met Kyle at the door before he could depart for the shower. He wrapped an arm around Kyle and pulled him into a kiss, a kiss that Kyle quickly pulled away from. "Cartman I'm gross! Let me shower first!" Cartman merely smirked.

"If I wanna kiss my filthy Jew, I'm gonna kiss my filthy Jew." And he kissed Kyle again.

When they pulled away Cartman smiled down at Kyle. "I'm not sure I like that twisted smile of yours. What are you planning?"

"Nothing gets past you, does it, Kahl? I do have something planned." Cartman took Kyle's hand and led him down the hall towards the living room. "Tell me Kahl, if you could have one wish what would it be?"

Kyle looked down as if he was naming off a thousand things he wished for inside his head. "Right now, I would wish to see my mother. I haven't seen her since we came to the camp and were separated." This pleased Cartman and he smiled proudly.

"You see Kahl, I knew you'd say just that." Kyle looked at him accusingly.

"Cartman are you playing a joke on me?" Kyle asked reaching the threshold of the living room, eyes on Cartman.

"Kyle!" All of the color drained from Kyle's face when he heard the voice and tears came to his eyes when he turned his head to see his mother standing in the living room of the villa.

"Mama!" Kyle screamed running into his mother's open arms and they were both in tears embracing each other. Gerald was already in the room, Cartman allowed them to meet before Kyle came since Gerald was already in the villa. Gerald watched his wife and son embrace with tears of his own.

"Kyle. My bubbalah. I'm so happy to see you. I've missed you so much my son," Sheila cried, her voice cracking. Kyle pulled away only slightly, but kept his forehead on his mother's and dried her tears with his thumbs.

"Oh Mama I've missed you too. I've been so worried about you. How? Why are you here?" Sheila looked towards Cartman.

"The Commandant brought me here. He told me I could see my babies tonight." The look Kyle gave Cartman was like he was about to throw himself at him and drown him with kisses; which he would not be opposed to.

"Wait, babies?"

Cartman nodded his head. "That's right Kahl. I sent Craig to pick up your brother too. They should be arriving any minute." With tears still in his eyes, Kyle approached Cartman and slowly wrapped his arms around his neck. The Commandant was shocked that he did this in front of his family, especially his mother who had no idea about her son and the Commandant of the camp.

"What-what-what?" Sheila exclaimed when she saw Kyle cling to him. Cartman saw Gerald whisper something in his wife's ear and whatever he said made her calm down and let it go.

When Kyle let him go he looked up at him like nothing in the world could ever make him sad again. "Why did you do this?" Cartman took both Kyle's hands in his and held them to his chest.

"It's the last night of Hanukkah and I wanted you to spend it with your family." Cartman reached into his pocket and slid the key to his music room into Kyle's hand. "Light the last candle with them, take as long as you need tonight but your mother and brother will have to return before dawn." Cartman leaned down to kiss Kyle on the cheek, but it seemed Kyle didn't want that. Kyle turned his head quickly, grabbed Cartman's cheeks and kissed him on the mouth. Despite his family being in the same room, he surrendered to Kyle's kiss; he assumed he always would.

"Thank you," Kyle said when he pulled away. Cartman smiled and whispered under his breath.

"Happy Hanukkah Kyle." Just as he was stepping out of the room Ike and Craig made their appearance. "Took you long enough Lieutenant," Cartman said to Craig as Ike joined the reunion with his family in the living room.

"I only ran your errand for one reason jerkface," Craig nasally sneered. Cartman looked behind Craig just in time to see Tweek turn down the hall towards Craig's room.

"Just return him before dawn Lieutenant. Good night." And with that Cartman retired to his room.

/

Cartman was awoken sometime during the night, maybe early morning-he didn't check the time-by knocking at his door. Before he could even answer to allow the person entry, the door opened and the person stepped in. Cartman sat up on the edge of his bed, turned on the bedside lamp and saw Kyle leaning against his bedroom door. "My mother and Ike left and my father went to bed," Kyle told him softly.

"Were you able to say what you needed to?" It felt strange to ask him if they had a good time, under the circumstances. Kyle nodded and approached Cartman.

"I did. We talked for a long time, I think the only time we were quiet was when we lit the last candle." Cartman wrapped his arms around Kyle and nuzzled his head in his abdomen.

"I assume you told your mother about us?" It was that moment that Cartman had to wonder: what were they? It was obvious they cared about each other since they kiss and share embraces. Did they have a label? Did they even need a label? Cartman didn't think so. Cartman knew one thing for sure, he belonged to Kyle.

"I did. Of course she was shocked at first, who wouldn't be. But after everything I told her that you did for me and my family while at the camp she accepted you, accepted us," Kyle said draping his arms over Cartman's shoulders and hugged him while standing. So Kyle did consider them something. That made Cartman very happy.

"Stay with me tonight Kyle." It was a request, not an order. He wanted to spend at least one night with Kyle, holding him all night.

"On one condition," Kyle said removing his arms from Cartman.

"And what would that be?" Cartman asked looking up at him from his stomach. Kyle gently pushed Cartman down on the bed and he crawled up to straddle him.

"Make me yours tonight." Before his brain could register what Kyle meant, his body however did. Desire pooled in his belly and shot straight to his groin.

"Kyle do you know what you're asking? Are you sure?" Cartman asked nervously, a blush appearing on his cheeks.

"I'm sure. I want it to be you." Cartman in his wildest dreams never did he ever think he would hear those words from anyone. But hearing them from Kyle, the one he cared about and wanted most, filled him with overwhelming passion and desire.

In one swift movement Cartman wrapped his arm around Kyle and quickly rolled him over to where he was over him. "You'll be my first Kyle," Cartman admitted, worried he'd make a fool of himself. But Kyle didn't laugh at him like anyone else would have, instead he smiled and caressed Cartman's cheek with his boney hand.

"You'll be my first too. We can learn together." Cartman had fucked up his entire life, committed sin after sin, so what he did to deserve Kyle, his beautiful perfect Kyle, he may never know. But he thanked whatever god that blessed him with his Jew.

"Together."

/

Cartman lay awake in bed with Kyle's arm draped across his stomach and his head upon his chest. They were both naked, skin to skin, a feeling that felt electric and magical. Cartman rubbed his hands over Kyle's curls while he slept on him; they were both covered in sweat despite the freezing cold outside. He may not be able to say it aloud, yet, but Cartman was in love with Kyle and he knew he proved it to Kyle tonight in this bed. Cartman had discovered so many new sounds from Kyle, sounds that excited him. Hearing and seeing Kyle writhe beneath him and come undone because of him was more satisfying than any drug in the world.

After making love to Kyle, laying naked with him, he felt complete, he felt whole. As if he spent his life searching for something and he finally found it

Cartman may not know what was to come, especially with the war, but he knew that his place was with Kyle. He knew that when dawn came he would have to return to being the Commandant, and Kyle would have to be his prisoner again. But for now he was Eric, holding his lover while he slept at his side.