A/N: yes, I KNOW it has been a while, but these past weeks have been SO FREAKING BUSY! GRR! . anyway, here's the next chapter! Thanks for hanging in there!

Disclaimer: I don't own Ouran HSHC

"I can't go on living this way, but I can't go back the way I came: chained to this fear that I will never find a way to heal my soul..." -Evanescence, "My Heart Is Broken"

The first few weeks after my sister died, I had this ridiculous idea in my head that things were going to get better: my parents and I would start talking more and more, and we'd never shut each other out. But after the first few weeks of school, I gave up on that wisp of hope. It was never going to happen. People say death brings families closer together. Not mine.

I've given up trying: trying to make everything better, trying to not mutilate myself, trying to bring my parents and I closer together. But that doesn't mean I tried my hardest. I did, I really did. But then I realized there was really nothing I could do.

I skip the rest of school after lunch the next day. I usually don't do something like that, but being in the hallways with all those people squishing me, I felt claustrophobic. As soon as I walked out the double doors I was sure someone would catch me; I kept looking over my shoulder like I was paranoid or something. But nobody caught me. Immediately the feeling of being closed in escaped me and I felt so free.

As soon as I felt I was out of view, I started walking to an unknown place, debating in my head where to go: not the mall, too many people. Not the diner, I'm not hungry. As I'm deciding, a middle-aged woman walking a dog comes near me, and my stomach tightens, but she just walks right past me. Guess I'm a ghost to people I don't even know, too. Pretty soon I'm at the top of a big hill, looking over some parts of the city. I see Ouran High School and for a fleeting moment it seems so small, with the people moving around like specks. It was a cool thing to watch: I know there's people in there worrying about things like tests or whether or not to kiss in the hallway, but standing on top of this hill looking down at them, they're so small.

I continue to walk after a few minutes, and I come across a giant field of flowers. They're not weed-flowers, but actual daisies and hydrangeas and bleeding hearts shooting up to be as tall as my waist. I walk through them, my fingertips grazing across the many petals, and I smile to myself. I feel like I'm in one of those scenes from old movies where a girl in a bright dress is running through a field of flowers, laughing and picking them while her boyfriend watches, chuckling at the sight of his one true love.

Since no one else is around, I let myself be a dork. I twirl in the flowers, their stems tickling my hands and feet until I'm too dizzy and I fall backwards, landing in a soft patch of bright green grass. I close my eyes, the entire world still spinning, and listen to the birds sing. It's places like these where I get some of my inspiration for writing my music - Nature has that weird effect on me where all the sudden I need a pen and sheet of paper, fast so I can write something down.

After the world stops spinning, I open my eyes and watch the clouds go by for the rest of the day, feeling a powerful sense of peace.

Later that night, I come downstairs and walk into the kitchen. My mom is washing something at the sink and my dad is frying something up in a pan. Today was a good day, so I feel like being social with them.

"Do you guys need help with anything?" I ask.

My mom looks over her shoulder at me and smiles a very small smile. "It'd be great if you could chop up an onion and put it in the pan."

I go to the pantry and grab an onion from the bottom shelf. I pull out the cutting board, get a knife, and start chopping. My eyes are already tearing up; powerful onion. Suddenly I have the strangest urge to slice my hand open, on purpose, so that they would at least give me some attention. I close my eyes, take a few deep breaths and get my thoughts straightened out.

The phone rings and my dad wipes his hands on his jeans and presses the speaker button. "Hello?"

A recorded voice comes on after a few moments: "This is the Ouran High School Attendance Office reporting that your child missed one or more periods today. The absence will be marked as unexcused unless we receive a note of some kind or explanation from a parent or guardian explaining that the absence was due to an important appointment."

My mom turns off the water. My dad turns off the heat on the stove. I stand with my back to them, chopping.

Crap. I forgot about the stupid phone calls.

"Emiko, did you cut school?" My mother's voice seems a bit high-pitched like it does when she's stressed about something.

I stop chopping and turn around, thinking maybe they'll soften up when they see what the onion did to my eyes. But they simply stand there, waiting for an answer. I can't think of a good excuse, so I just shrug. My father is biting his lip like he does when he's impatient and frustrated. Mom sighs.

"Emiko, you can't ditch school." Dad says firmly. "When you chose to be in this high school as an honor student you made a commitment that you wouldn't skip."

Like you even give a crap! I want to scream. Like you care so much about what's going on in my school life. Funny that you should care about it now, all of the sudden - when Natsuko was around you never cared about what I did!

"Since when are you so concerned about my school status?" I say to him. The amount of venom in my voice shocks me.

"What are you talking about? We've always cared." Mom says, her voice sounding slightly hurt.

"School is important, Emiko." Dad says, his voice straining with patience. "When people start skipping school it could lead to so many other bad things..."

I tune him out and return to the onion. I hear a buzz in my ear about my parents ranting on and on about the dangers and consequences of skipping school until it seems absurd that we're even talking about this. I realize that I'm still chopping that stupid onion even though it's already diced and ready to be put in the pan.

When I can't take it anymore, I turn around and look at both of them. "You guys are acting psychotic! It was the first and probably the only time I will skip school! It's not that big of a freakin' deal!" by now I'm shouting . I'm so frustrated and sad and angry at the same time that I dare to say the inevitable: "When Natsuko skipped school you didn't care!"

My parents stare at me. My father's eyes are hard as stone and my mother looks like she's about to burst into tears. There's a silence so incredibly loud and heavy that no one wants to shatter it. I stand there, feeling like I'm burning holes into them by staring so hard.

After an eternity my mother turns back to her washing. "Please put the onion in the pan, Emiko." She says quietly.

That was the worst thing she could have said. I expected the silence when I mentioned my sister's name. and then maybe a squabble or fight afterwards, not turning back to our dinner and pretending that everything is just fine.

I pick up the cutting board and walk to the pan. I scrape the onion into the sizzling heat with the knife I was using, purposely screeching it against the cutting board. Why am I acting like this? After that I carefully put the cutting board on the counter, then practically throw the knife into the sink. The sound is loud, but not loud enough to break the heavy silence. Even if I screamed at the top of my lungs and shattered all the windows and mirrors, it wouldn't be loud enough.

I stomp up to my room and slam my door hard. Then I angrily grab my special pencil and pad of paper and begin to write a new song. I don't think I've ever heard silence quite this loud.