Chapter 18

||"We carry on through this storm, tired soldiers in this war. Remember what we're fighting for"||

"Cartman, you know Christmas is tomorrow don't you?" Kyle asked the Commandant as he sat with his knees against his chest in the love seat. Cartman stopped ruffling through a stack of sheet music he had in his lap while he sat at his piano.

"What's your point? Jews don't celebrate Christmas," Cartman said with a bit of attitude behind his words. Kyle simply rolled his eyes and looked out the frosted window on the far side of the room.

"I know that, fatass, but don't you? I mean aren't you going to?" Even though Kyle was looking away from him, Cartman still glared at him for a few moments before going back to flipping through the sheet music.

"No," was all Cartman said, expecting that to be the last of the conversation. But this was Kyle, and he should have expected the 'why' that followed his simple 'no'. "Kyle, when it comes right down to it what is Christmas about? What is every holiday really about?" Kyle looked down at his knees, the answer was simple for him, but would it be the same for Cartman?

"Family." Cartman nodded and tapped his temple twice with his index finger.

"Which I don't have, ergo I don't celebrate Christmas." Cartman finally found the piece of music he had been looking for. He put it on the top of the stack, straightened the sheets, and then placed them on the music rack. "I hate Christmas." And then Cartman started to play. Kyle had requested the piece earlier when Cartman offered to play for him-Nocturne Opus 9, No 2. Even though Kyle requested the music, he couldn't concentrate on it at all. He knew he had struck a nerve with Cartman, triggered him into remembering something from his past.

Kyle stood from the love seat, approached Cartman from behind and draped his arms down over his shoulders to lightly hug him. "Talk to me." He didn't ask this, nor did he demand it, he simply meant if Cartman wanted to talk, he was here and he would listen. The music stopped, but Cartman didn't say anything, not for a few moments; perhaps he was getting his thoughts in order.

"Kyle, I told you I was a horrible kid, but around Christmas time my spoiled, bitchy level was at the max. I made sure my mother got me everything on my Christmas list and if she didn't get it I would throw a tantrum." Kyle smiled weakly nuzzling his cheek against Cartman's temple. He wasn't exactly surprised by this information, since Cartman had previously explained he was a spoiled kid. Cartman continued. "One Christmas I wanted this new toy train that came out, all the boys my age had one expect me. My mother got the wrong train and then Irisviel told me she had gotten me a present; she had never gotten me a Christmas present before. I was excited, I expected the train, but it wasn't. She had gotten me a stuffed panda she had named Peter and said he could be friends with my Clyde Frog." Kyle hugged Cartman even tighter from behind. He had a feeling he knew what was coming next, but he wanted Cartman to know he wasn't going anywhere and would hear him out. "I yelled at Irisviel. I called her useless because she couldn't get me what I wanted and I threw the panda back at her." Cartman then let out a small laugh. "Do you know what she did in response to that?" Cartman laughed again. "She smiled. She fucking smiled and said I'm sorry I let you down. Her own brother just called her useless and yelled at her, and there she was smiling and apologizing to me!" Cartman was getting riled up, his breathing had increased and Kyle knew he needed to calm down before he gave himself a panic attack.

Kyle began to rub Cartman's chest gently, as if wanting to massage his troubles away. Cartman inhaled through his nose at his touch and then leaned his head back on Kyle's shoulder. Kyle continued to rub his chest while Cartman was calming down and he remained quiet. When his breathing became normal, Cartman spoke again. "I learned a little later that she had picked up an extra job just so she could get me anything for Christmas. And I also found out from a classmate that the train I wanted was sold out before the Christmas holiday. So I yelled at her for something that was totally out of her control, yet she still got me a gift." Cartman paused for a moment, then let out a shaky breath. "That was our last Christmas together before Irisviel was killed." Kyle didn't respond to this, he knew Cartman didn't want to be pitied and he never would pity him. Kyle just wanted to listen and understand Cartman and through every story he understood him more and more.

Minutes past in silence until Kyle's eyes drifted to the makeshift menorah Cartman had set up for Hanukkah and he got an idea. Kyle released the Commandant and sat next to him at the piano. "I'm not asking you to celebrate it, but I would like you to do something tomorrow." Cartman gave Kyle a sideways glance, maybe it was a glare-he couldn't tell.

"What would that be Jew?" Kyle reached down to hold Cartman's hand.

"Will you say a prayer, for Irisviel?" The look of surprise was instant on Cartman's face.

"Say a prayer? I've never once in my life prayed about anything. I don't think I even know how to pray," Cartman said with what Kyle sensed was fear. Is he scared to pray? Kyle squeezed his hand and laid his head on his shoulder.

"I'll help you." Cartman smiled and kissed his red curls.

"Okay Kyle, for you." But Kyle shook his head.

"For Irisviel."

/

Christmas night, Cartman and Kyle were back in the music room; Cartman was as antsy as could be. Even though he said he would do this, he was actually pretty scared. He didn't know how to pray, he didn't understand how any of it worked, and if he were being honest he really wasn't religious at all. Should he really be praying? Did he have the right to? Deep down he felt like he had absolutely no right to pray. "So how do I do this Jew?" Cartman asked, his heart pounding in his chest.

"I would like to say one first, if that's okay." Cartman shrugged with a nod. This way he could watch and get an idea of what to do and say. Kyle thanked him and then turned to a candle that was on the piano. He lit the candle, closed his eyes, held his hands together, and started his prayer. "Irisviel." Cartman's heart sank all the way down to his stomach. He didn't realize Kyle would be praying to Iris, to his sister! What in the world did he have to say to her? "I want to thank you. Thank you for loving your brother unconditionally, even when he was being an ass. I know first hand how much of an ass he can be." Cartman snickered beside him because he knew he deserved it, but remained quiet so he could hear Kyle's prayer. "I also thank you for always looking out for him, and for protecting him." Cartman was now blushing, he was both embarrassed and moved by what Kyle was saying.

"Now I must ask that you continue to watch over him during this time. Please guide him through this war to the very end." Cartman understood the meaning behind this without Kyle having to say it. In other words, let him survive this war. "You loved your brother back then Irisviel, but I want you to know that he has someone who loves him now." Cartman was sure his heart stopped, hell he was sure the whole world had stopped in this very moment. Not only had Kyle admitted aloud that he loved him, but he said it in a prayer to his sister as if she were in the same room. Kyle could never really know what that meant to Cartman. Kyle loved him! This Jew, the one whom he tortured and tried so hard to break, was in love with him!

Cartman was brought back to the here and now when Kyle took his hand and was now looking straight into his eyes. "I love him Irisviel, monster and all." Cartman didn't even try to fight the water that formed in his eyes at Kyle's words. He wanted Kyle to see the impact those words had on him, him-the Commandant of a concentration camp; proof that this mere Jew was his undoing and he would never again fight it.

"Kyle." Cartman yanked Kyle against him and kissed him deeply. He was in love with Kyle yes, had been for some time, but he wasn't yet able to say the words himself; he had so much respect for Kyle saying them first. Kyle had always been so brave since they first met. He hoped through this kiss that Kyle understood that he returned his love, even if he was not yet ready to say it. Though he had to admit that deep down he was worried that he would disappoint Kyle by not saying he loved him back.

When they pulled away, the smile on Kyle's face proved to Cartman that he wasn't disappointed and that it was okay. Kyle would wait for him, he'd expect nothing less from his Jew. "Your turn Cartman," Kyle said handing the lighter to Cartman so he could light a candle.

When he took the lighter he found that his hand was shaking. A prayer for Irisviel. What would he say? If he were to apologize to her, would she accept his apology? Would she even listen to him wherever she was in the afterlife? Did he even have the right to say a prayer to his sister? He was horrible to her after all.

Cartman took a breath to control his emotions and then lit another candle. He held his hands together and closed his eyes as Kyle did. "Iris," he started but found he was unable to continue. "I'm sorry Kyle, I can't do this." Cartman blew out the candle he had lit and tensed when he felt Kyle's hand against his back. Before Kyle could say anything, Cartman spoke. "It's not that I'm afraid, it's because I have no right to say anything to her."

"Cartman-"

"Let me finish Kyle, please," Cartman calmly said, walking away from Kyle to look out the window at the camp below them. "Where I am now, the way I am now," he said then looking down at his uniform. "Until this uniform comes off, I will not ask for forgiveness." The fact of the matter was that Cartman didn't want his first time speaking to his sister to be as the Nazi monster he made himself. He wanted to change, because of Kyle, and he wanted to show her that he could change.

Cartman felt Kyle's long arms wrap around his stomach and his head met the nape of his neck.

"After the war?" Kyle whispered softly and Cartman nodded.

"After the war."

/

"You remember the steps right?" Kyle asked Cartman for the third time tonight while he was getting ready for the New Years party held by the Führer. Cartman was sitting on the bed putting on his boots.

"Yes Kahl every step, every turn, every lift." Kyle's face instantly got red.

"There are no lifts in the Viennese Waltz fatass!" Kyle fumed and Cartman could swear he saw smoke coming from those flaming curls of his. While chuckling, Cartman got up from the bed, bent down slightly to wrap his arms around Kyle's thighs and lifted him against him.

"There is when you're the Commandant's lover Kahl," he said with a small purr in his throat. Kyle had gasped when he lifted him, but put his hands on Cartman's shoulders and attempted to glare down at him; it was hard when he was blushing at the same time.

"Smartass." Kyle then bent his head down and kissed him in the lift. "Okay but you do remember to lead with your right foot?" Cartman rolled his eyes and put Kyle down.

"Ugh for heaven sakes Kahl do you have such little faith in me?" Cartman moaned in annoyance as he continued to go about getting ready.

"No, it's not that at all, I swear." Cartman was adjusting his jacket in the mirror so it looked perfect.

"Then what is it Kahl?" He saw Kyle bite his bottom lip behind him through the mirror.

"Do you have to go tonight?" This certainly took Cartman by surprise.

"What are talking about Kyle? Of course I have to go. I'm not letting all this training we did go to waste. Besides this is a party held by the Führer himself! Do you have any idea what might happen if I don't go?" Kyle looked down with a worried look on his pale face.

"I know that. I just-well it's just that-" Cartman sighed while he crossed his arms.

"It's not normal for you to be so twitchy Kahl, spending too much time with the Tweek kid?" Cartman purposely said hoping to get Kyle a little rattled. Judging by the fuming look he gave him, it worked.

"What are you, jealous fatass?" There was his spit fire Jew. Cartman said nothing back to Kyle's accusing question, because deep down he was right. Cartman was a little jealous that Kyle was so close to Tweek, but he trusted Kyle; besides he knew how much Craig and Tweek loved each other. "Cartman I just have a bad feeling about tonight, like something bad is going to happen." All the Commandant could do was smile at his Jew-he was worried about him and he felt honored. Cartman approached Kyle closely and took both his hands in his.

"Look at me Kyle." Kyle did so and Cartman could read all the worry in his emerald hues. "I have to go tonight. I don't want the Führer himself coming here if I don't, that could mean trouble for the camp." Not that his camp wasn't already trouble. As much as he wished he could change things in his camp, he was realistic. He was the Commandant and if things were to change, for the better in his camp, then he knew word would get back to the Führer and his inner circle and that would put them all in danger. Cartman could even be replaced and someone else could run his camp, someone more sinister than him, or rather, how he used to me. As it stands now, all Cartman could do was inconspicuously save anyone being wronged by his soldiers that were not following his orders; even though at the end of the day he knew all of this was wrong. "There's something I haven't told you about this party Kyle." Kyle's worried expression turned into that of pure curiosity. "The Führer will be making an important announcement tonight in front of who he believes are his top ranking officers in this war. Whatever this announcement is, it's crucial to the Führer's plans in this war. Depending on what it is-" But Kyle stopped him by placing a finger to his lips, he seemed to understand what Cartman was saying.

"Then go, just please be careful." Cartman took Kyle's wrist and nuzzled into his hand.

"I will."

/

"Ugh this party is so boring. Why the hell was I invited anyway?" Craig groaned at Cartman's side, holding a glass of whiskey that he had yet to sip. Cartman sighed looking down at his own amber liquid and sloshed it around.

"Because you're my first officer, my number one. You're just as important as I am in the Führer's eyes I suppose." Cartman shrugged not really sure that was the correct answer.

"Could you have just sounded any gayer?" Craig teased with a smirk on his face. Cartman let out an exasperated sigh.

"Alas, my poor redhead is rubbing off on me." Cartman and Craig shared a soft chuckle together. Craig knew about the relationship he had with Kyle, Cartman knew he wasn't stupid. But Cartman also knew that Craig would keep quiet because in return for his trust, he gave Craig permission to retrieve Tweek whenever he wished. Craig and Cartman had a mutual understanding of secrecy when it came to the men they loved.

"Speaking of gay, I really wish these girls would stop eyeing us like we're their prey," Craig whispered to the Commandant. A little way away from them were a group of young, well dressed, women all wearing the finest jewelry; probably given to them by their rich war daddies. All the girls kept looking at Craig and Cartman, whispering and giggling amongst themselves. Cartman would gladly take a bullet to the foot than dance with any of them.

"It's your brooding Craig. Didn't you know that was why most of the girls in school had crushes on you? They seemed to like the "jerk" type," Cartman deadpanned.

"So by that logic they should be throwing themselves at your feet." Cartman pinched Craig in the side.

"You're an asshole."

The party they were attending took place in the ballroom of the Reich Chancellery and guests were already on the floor dancing the Führer's favorite waltz. In the back of the room was a stage where a small orchestra was playing score after score. "We're going to have to dance eventually you know, the Führer keeps eyeing us," Craig told him. Cartman looked over at the table where the Führer was sitting, surrounded by members of his inner circle. Cartman noticed most of the men of his circle were eyeing the women around the room, whereas a man named Goebbels was eyeing the Führer as if he were God himself. Looks like Craig and I aren't the only homos here.

"Eric Cartman is that you?" A female voice pulled his attention away from the Führer and he looked to his side. Heidi fucking Turner. Heidi Turner was the only girl he dated in school, a girl who used him because he was part of the regime. He was a tool to Heidi, nothing more.

"Unless my birth certificate has changed," Cartman said not even trying to hide his sarcasm.

"Word is you've become a high ranking officer. What is your status now?" Heidi asked flipping her brunette hair over her shoulder to expose her bare shoulder; her dress came down to her knees, was blue and only covered one shoulder.

"Can't tell you Heidi. Confidential. You understand." He may have sounded polite, but there was venom coating every word.

"Oh? I like a man of mystery. Care to dance Eric?" Cartman was surprised he hadn't broken the glass in his hands with how tight he was gripping it. She didn't deserve to say his name, and coming from her mouth it was like she was spewing poison. He made the decision then and there to give up the game and tell Kyle his name just so he could un-taint his ears from hearing it from Heidi.

"With all do respect Heidi, I'd rather-"

"Sir, Heidi was nice enough to ask for a dance. Surely you won't deny the beautiful lady?" Craig said gripping his shoulder firmly in warning. In other words, the Führer's eyes were on them again. "I see Bebe, I think a dance with her sounds nice." Cartman knew what he meant by that too. Clyde had asked Craig to pass on some words to Bebe, his girlfriend. "Enjoy yourself sir." With that Craig left to ask Bebe to dance.

"Alright Heidi," Cartman said with bitterness, but he took Heidi's hand and led her to the dance floor. When they started Heidi pulled him against her body, a little too close for Cartman's liking; not that he liked any of this. They started to waltz, Cartman leading like the man always did.

"I'm surprised you can dance Eric, you're really good," Heidi said seeming impressed. Heidi continued to speak, but Cartman barely heard a word she said, instead his mind wandered elsewhere. This dance, this dance was all wrong. All of the steps were right, and his posture was flawless. But it was wrong. Cartman could now fully understand, and appreciate, what Kyle had meant when he said they fit perfectly when they danced together. Kyle was right, him and Cartman had a connection when they danced, like they were always meant to. As cliché as it sounded, they did fit together like a puzzle piece and with Heidi it was like the corner piece trying to fit in the center.

"Eric are you even listening to me?" Heidi's nagging words brought him back to his current, and unpleasant, situation.

"Sorry, I was counting my steps. Have to be perfect for the lady, you know." He was sure his eyes would get stuck in the back of their sockets by how much he had rolled them. Heidi however, didn't seem to pick up on his sarcasm.

"You're so thoughtful Eric." Cartman didn't miss the squeeze she gave his arm and it took all his strength to not wince. "I was saying we should try again, you and me. You know, get back together." Cartman nearly raged from her words alone, so when she rubbed her hand down his chest he instantly pushed her away and stepped back.

"This dance is over Heidi," Cartman sneered with malice, quickly moving away from the dance floor.

"Eric," Heidi said without raising her voice so she didn't cause a scene as she followed him. "Don't embarrass me Eric, come back and dance with me." This really struck a nerve with Cartman and he sharply turned around to face Heidi.

"Me embarrass you? What about school, Heidi? You only dated me to exploit me. Did you forget that?" He really wanted to raise his voice, but did not want the Führer to see his rage. Heidi crossed her arms and gave a humph of annoyance.

"Oh Eric, that was ages ago, I was so young and stupid back then."

"Well you're still one of those things, sweet cakes." Cartman made a beeline for the nearest woman, that was alone, that he could find. "Care to dance miss?" Cartman asked the woman, turning on the charm and offering her his hand. The woman blushed, said nothing but accepted his invitation with a nod. "See you around Heidi," he said leading the woman to the dance floor, not once looking back at the scowling Heidi behind him.

Cartman danced flawlessly with a few more women as the night went on. With all of them he came to the same conclusion, he was meant to dance with Kyle; he was meant for Kyle. He even guessed that he if he were to dance with another man he would still feel the same. Heart and soul, he belonged to Kyle. This dance was proof.

Cartman and Craig were taking five together in a far off corner when an announcement was made that all soldiers were to immediately come to a meeting down the hall. Craig met Cartman's eyes as if saying 'this is it' and then they both followed the other soldiers out of the ballroom to go to the meeting hall.

When everyone was in the room, the door was shut behind them and a single soldier stood at the door to guard it; probably keeping them in and others out. On the side of the huge room was a raised platform that the Führer walked up to stand upon. When he was standing in the center of the platform, every soldier, including Cartman and Craig, heiled him. That was the first time heiling him felt completely wrong, even disgusting to Cartman.

Once the soldiers stood at ease, the Führer began his speech. He started off by informing the soldiers that the red army was defeated and would never again rise; a victory for Germany to say the least. Then he spoke of The Final Solution-the extermination of all the Jews, of all the people in the camps; men, women, and children-all of them. The Führer said if a camp did not house a gas chamber, to expect a letter in the coming weeks with times and dates when a train would arrive to take a cart of prisoners to a death camp. He ended his speech saying how much the German people were the dominant race, the perfect race, and all others would be eliminated.

The whole room erupted in applause, in cheers, all but Cartman and Craig who looked at each other in complete horror. The death of all Jews, of all in the camps…their Führer was indeed the definition of a true monster.

/

The car ride back to the camp was silent, neither Cartman nor Craig spoke because they knew the driver may report anything they say. But Cartman knew, he knew that Craig held the same rage and disgust as he did. Even before Kyle he didn't want the complete extermination of the Jews, he just wanted them to suffer. But this-this was madness, insanity. How in the world could they fight something like this? "Eric look!" Craig spoke up, snapping Cartman out of his rage.

Cartman looked out the window as Craig did and his eyes went wide. The barracks of his camp were on fire. "Drive faster!" Cartman ordered the driver who did as he was ordered. As soon as the car came to a screeching halt Cartman and Craig flew out of the car and sprinted towards the group of prisoners running towards the main yard away from the flames. While they couldn't yell the names of the men they were looking for, they both knew they were looking for Tweek and Kyle through the chaos.

"Let me go!"

"Tweek. Eric this way!" Craig yelled over the screams of the prisoners. Craig and Cartman pushed through the traumatized crowd, getting closer and closer to the burning barracks. When they reached the front of the crowd they saw Tweek being restrained by a soldier, but that didn't stop him from kicking and screaming to get away. "Let him go now! He needs to be taken away from here you idiot! He's too close to the flames!" Craig ordered the soldier who immediately released Tweek. Instead of running to Craig like Cartman assumed he would, he instead ran over to Cartman.

"Cartman! Kyle and Ike are still in there!" Cartman's world stopped and he could no longer hear. Kyle was right, something bad was going to happen tonight, but not to him...