A red-orange globe with tapping noises in the background gave way to a crowded studio and the caption BBC NEWS. A newsreader in a green dress greeted the cameras with, "Good morning. The RAF is in crisis as one of their most important bases comes under siege in the wake of the terror threat rasied to critical. With London already reeling from an attempted hijacking on the Docklands Light Railway and a fight in Covent Garden, RAF Northolt in West London has today become the third incident in two days."

The screen flashed to the bus stop just outside the car park of RAF Northolt. Explosions, gunfire and screams of 'Tally-ho!' gave the scene ambience but the base itself and the park next door was blurry. A gentleman in a suit said, "Yes, RAF Northolt is under attack from what appears to be reptile cyclopses, walking goats, minotaurs, midgets with beards, Barbie dolls with swords, and lunatic giants. The base has not responded to calls from the Marshal of the RAF and is under a radio blackout. Our observers have noticed that the RAF is fighting back alongside its own lunatic giants but it's not certain what is going on and..."

BOOOOOM!

"I know you can't see this, but a machine made of skulls crewed by the midgets has just shot a glowing light into the air. It's been doing that for the past two hours. If the camera could come here, you'll only see a blur but we can see the Barbie-berzerkers charging into a group of soldiers who look similar except they're dressed for a forest. Further..."

"HEEEYYAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!"

Grunting and the flapping of wings filled the air. The camera panned up and while the viewers would only see a black blob, the correspondent and the crew could see the truth. A hooded figure in a black robe turned its head to them before guiding its beast away. It was a huge reptile with spiky wings, a lengthy tail, massive jaws, and 2 legs. Then more creatures- some kind of a fell beast- joined in.

"It appears that someone has called for reinforcements. It is amongst many craft coming in. It seems the besiegers have flying forks while whoever is helping the RAF have flying triangles!"

Back in the studio, the newsreader had gathered several characters that had been in the BBC studio for other reasons, but were willing to talk about the subject at hand. They included a car enthusiast with a music degree, an bespectacled MP from Somerset who did not seem to live in the 21st century, an actress who'd previously appeared in Doctor Who, and a Lecturer in History from the University of Westminster who often taught sexual subjects. "As we know," the newsreader began, "there have been a few incidents in London over the past week. We understand, Dr [REDACTED] that your university is near Oxford Circus and that you witnessed the minotaurs eating the same people who caused a disturbance outside Harrods."

"That's correct, [REDACTED], it was horrible. Those furry beasts just sliced them apart and I am shocked at how the police didn't stop them at Piccadilly Circus. I'll also add that I was visiting the Museum of London the day before and I saw a giant dressed in blue with star from the Flag of Malaysia on the shoulder jump from the ground to the walkway to entrance and then bowl over a red humanoid thing with horns and fur."

"I was at Picadilly Circus too," said the actress, her hand stroking her black hair. "I honesty, [BEEP]ing thought that the [BEEP]ing goat things were just cosplayers but now I've read what's been happening, it's shocking that they got all the way to the London Transport Museum."

"That's a point that's been brought up many times," the newsreader said. "What about you, [REDACTED]?"

"I was outside the Palace of Westminster just yesterday," said the MP, "admiring the glorious sunshine following the rain. I was not expecting a lady dressed in the attire of a Catholic nun of the Incarnate Word to not only wear a miniskirt and dispense with the headgear but to carry a large firearm in such a high security area. I was also amazed that nobody stopped her and that she was allowed to climb onto the statue of Sir Winston Churchill without opposition. I was further amazed to see her use her gun to dig up the lawn and take something out. I am not certain what, but she then vanished."

"I found a right pillock while driving to the Science Museum," said the presenter. "No, correction, I found a group of the midgets your correspondent mentioned and these pink blobs that kept giggling and ruining the atmosphere. I found the school trip to be better behaved and less pesky. In fact, one of those demonic things' tentacle knocked my phone out of my hand."

"Did you say 'cock'?" asked the newsreader.

"What do you think? Of course I said cock!"

The newsreader suddenly gripped her ear. "There's a new development. The gaming company Games Workshop is receiving both criticism and support over the way those responsible for these incidents so resemble their characters. We have a spokeman for the company with from the GW HQ in Nottingham, an artist who worked with the company since the decade they were founded. Good morning, [REDACTED]."

"Hello, [REDACTED], I've been reading the tweets and threads and yes, I notice that my artwork bears a resemblance to the people who've been causing trouble. I can see Space Marines, Imperial Guard, Chaos Dwarves, Fimir, and more."

"Mr [REDACTED], why do you think that these people look like your company's characters?"

"Is this a publicity stunt?" asked the actress.

"Publicity stunt? Ridiculous, we won't even invest in making plastic Sisters of Battle despite the customers correctly demanding we upgrade the range. No, this has nothing to do with us. I should admit however that some far-right groups have taken our content a little too seriously."

RAF Northolt:

Captain Jho, as befitted his rank, was the first to reach the Chaos Squats and the first bolt rounds blew a few abhumans apart. The Star Rajas saw the Hellcannon, the screeching Daemon Engine, and knocked it over as easily as the Space Wolf knocked over the Routemaster. A few more beardy heretics were crushed. A Battle-Brother fell at the same time, the chainaxes of the feminine Khorne Berzerkers ripping through power armour. "Courage and honour!" Jho called. "Burn the heretic, lah!"

The Guard could sigh with relief with the Hellcannon gone but the Fimir mist still confounded optical sights and butchered Avrolanc Airmen left, right, and centre. The Meargh and Dirach wizards summoned yet more Daemons. The RAF Regiment, to its credit, held firm better than many Guard regiments when the gigantic blue bird with its staff burst into reality and blew fire everywhere. The Grey Knights were on the Lord of Change instantly. With a base full of Neverborn, Dominic turned his limiter off and all the unholy creatures backed away. A few vanished straight away. Nonetheless, the powers of the Grey Knights still worked and the Lord of Change was also still throwing fire and ice around.

Lucius realised that nobody was on the runway. It was time. He and Lord Everchosen dashed forward, still ignoring the pop guns of the 3rd Millennium. They didn't need spades, they didn't need drills, all they needed to break through the concrete was star jumps. Every time the Marine and whatever Archaon was made contact with the ground, it split. By the time Heron & Ofjan noticed them, the Orb of Power was in sight. Ofjan, who was in the end a former Handmaid still in costume and a puny mortal like the rest of the Guard, bowled Lucius over and wrestled him on the runway. Heron started her attack on the medieval knight with horns by thrusting at him whilst screaming. Above, the aircraft of Chaos and the Imperium still hammered away at each other, the 2-Leg creatures of Avrolanc knocked over hundreds of Chaos fighters whilst their pilots screamed, and Lapizi disappeared and came back on the back of a black reptile bigger than the Lord of Change- a Night Dragon. Just like the Greater Daemon, the Night Dragon blew fire and ice, but also out of its mouth came green gas eating away at the remaining Chaos Squat machines and at the Chaos Squats in general.

Once Dominic joined the Grey Knights, they were finally able to banish the Lord of Change back to Tzeentch's library and could now address the new problem- Lucius. Incredibly, Ofjan was still holding the Champion of Slaanesh down and her Handmaid bonnet- her wings- were still on her head. By now, nobody who'd consider killing Lucius, so the Grey Knights signalled Ofjan to let him go whilst they and Dominic jumped on him. Ofjan was now able to help Heron against Archaon Everchosen but she chose instead to pick up the ball rolling out of Lucius' power backpack. "I have the Orb!"

Finally, the Handmaid-like Order of the Bloody Rose came in from behind and squeezed the Black Legion to a bloody pulp. Despite the dispute over hot vampires and whether it was heretical or holy for some Sisters to consider finding the Emperor and possibly having sex with him, it was clear they'd not lost one bit of fighting skill. It was over. Lucius and Archaon teleported out, leaving the Grey Knights and the Inquisitor to collapse in a heap and Heron's sword swinging so far she also fell over. Once she got up, she saw Lapizi's mount land and the Air Commodore step off. "Victory! Never in the field of human conflict has so much been owed by so many to so few!"

"What about our runway?" asked the Leading Airwoman the Air Commodore had originally spoken to.

"Oh, yes, it's a bit of a wizard prang. No matter. Get the techpriests here, tally-ho!"

Once the runway was repaired, the survivors of the Imperium gathered together for the victory ceremony. Unbeknown to them, Ofjan had picked up a potential lead the Chaos Squats had found in the Victoria & Albert Museum but the Dark Mechanicus had disregarded. Far away back in the 41st Millennium, Lucius and Archaon proudly presented Abaddon with the Orb of Power. Beside the Lord of the Black Legion was the Supreme Skull Champion of the Pink Decimators and the Daemon Prince Mortartion of the Death Guard. All nodded in satisfaction.

It was agreed that the RAF- who were all still alive and healthy- would play their music first, followed by Avrolanc and the Imperial Navy, whose tunes were identical. Unfortunately, once the RAF had finished, it emerged that their march past was also the same. In the end, everyone watched a game of Warhammer 40,000 in action. "How surreal to see us that tiny," a Deathwatch Blood Raven said.

"Where have you been anyway?" asked Brother Odoki. "You were gone for days."

"British Library, National Archives, British Museum, every Games Workshop branch in London."

"In armour?"

"Oh yes. You would not believe how many idiots were telling me how my costume was inaccurate."

At last, it was time to leave Earth and return to the realm of Terra. "This place is so wonderful," said Jho, "apart from the greedy, the racists, the sexists, the homophobes, and the rest. I take consolation in knowing that filth like IS will be defeated soon, lah."

"At least I now know where Gilead got its ideas from," Ofjan said, fingering her Inquisition badge. "Now I'm an Acolyte, should I upgrade by wings and find armour to match my Handmaid dress?"

"How about not wearing the Handmaid dress?" Heron suggested, trying out her jeans and leopard print coat from Liberty, the shop in Regent Street.

"No, not yet. The Emperor's agents may have fixed the horror they inflicted on my clitoris, but... One last shopping trip?"

"One last shopping trip coming up!"

Soon, the Imperial Fleet turned to go. It had been surveying Mars during the mission, whilst the Chaos Fleet had studied Titan. The crew didn't discuss their findings, not even the command crew who'd visited HMS Belfast and the National Maritime Museum, but chose to return to the 41st Millennium immediately. Nobody objected, until the Navigators reported that the Warp portal wasn't opening properly and that they wouldn't make it home.

Dominic realised that his limiter no longer worked. Although a blank would not normally inhibit Warp travel, he wondered if the strain of time travelling back was made worse by his presence. He returned to Earth while the Navy tried again.

"Oh," he said as he realised they'd succeeded. "Well, good luck, Heron & Ofjan. We need people like you. Now, um, taxi!"

Dominic had always known that his blank nature would come back to bite him. To allow the portal to open, he had to stay. No matter. He was able to reach Nottingham and Games Workshop was eager to have him. As an Inquisitor, he had a broad knowledge of Imperial propaganda and the various methods it used. He'd seen skewed, biased, and even anti-Imperial sounding items. "This is a heretic, a deserter, and another heretic," said the first GW employee.

"Talen is not a deserter, he's a draft-dodger," the Inquisitor explained. "Look, this worked on our children, it'll work on yours."

And so, straight from the 41st Millennium, came Warhammer Adventures.