Chapter 12

Present Time…

Mordecai lay awake in his hospital bed staring at the ceiling. He didn't know how long he'd been asleep, but nothing had changed upon waking. He was still alone in the room and no one from the park had been in to check on him that he was aware of. That was a good thing. When they did come he knew he was going to have a lot of explaining to do. The blue jay sighed and shook his head. He wished he could take it all back and start over. If he had only just gone back to the house that day instead of the bar, this never would have happened. He wasn't too worried about hurting himself, but hurting Rigby—who was innocent in all this—was almost too much for him to bear. Yet despite his remorse, all he could think about was his burning need for another hit. He wanted to escape from this harsh reality and there was only thing that could satisfy that desire. He silently vowed that he was through with it this time and would not give in to that need.

The door creaked open and Mordecai turned his head in the direction of the noise. He held his breath as he waited for the person on the other side to appear. It was Skips. He exhaled. Skips was better than Benson. His stomach churned at the thought of facing his boss's wrath and disappointment. He had a lot of respect for Benson and he felt ashamed letting him down.

"Mordecai, you're awake." The Yeti spoke in his low baritone.

"How's Rigby? " The blue jay avoided small talk and cut to the heart of the matter.

Skips sighed. "Rigby isn't doing very well, Mordecai. He just came out of surgery and now he's in the intensive care unit. They had to go in and repair some internal bleeding in his abdomen. The doctors say he's in a coma from the head trauma and have no idea when he will wake up...or even if he will wake up." He explained flatly.

Mordecai closed his eyes and covered his face with his wing, struggling to fight back tears. He felt like he was going to be sick as he choked back a sob. He didn't want lose control in front of Skips. A couple of minutes passed before he was able to pull himself together enough to speak again. "Where is Benson? " He asked shakily.

"Benson doesn't want to see you right now, Mordecai. He's too angry. I'm sure you can figure out why." The blue jay sat unresponsive in his hospital bed, uncomfortably avoiding Skips's glare for what seemed like eternity before the yeti finally spoke again. "What were you thinking? I thought you were smarter than that, Mordecai. You've been doing marijuana and heroin? Don't you know what heroin does to a person?"

Mordecai sighed in defeat. They already knew so there was no use avoiding it. He figured that he may as well come clean instead of pretending that it wasn't as serious as it seemed. "I never meant for it to go this far, Skips."

"I'm sure you didn't, Mordecai. Nobody ever wants to be an addict. "

"All I wanted was to feel better. It hurt so much after Margaret left." Mordecai cast his eyes downward to hide the fresh tears.

"How long has it been going on?" Skips asked.

"About a month, I guess. Nobody knew. Not even Rigby." Mordecai said.

"What happened? Maybe you should start at the beginning."

"It was the day Margaret left and Rigby and I got into a fight. After I left the house, I met this girl in a bar and went back to her place. There were a lot of people there and everybody was smoking pot so I smoked some too. It calmed me down and I was finally able to stop thinking about Margaret for a minute. She invited me back and soon we started hanging out to smoke pot every night. I felt bad for leaving Rigby all the time, but I couldn't help it. I wanted that feeling again. I had to forget Margaret and make the pain go away. I was fine with the marijuana. I enjoyed it, but I didn't need it. I think I could have walked away from it pretty easily. Then, one night, they had some heroin. I only wanted to try it once. I swear, Skips! That's it! But it's like after I got a taste, it was all I could think about."

"That's usually how it happens. Go on." Skips urged.

"After that, the weed didn't work anymore. I couldn't get high enough and it wasn't the kind of high I wanted. The only thing that got me where I needed to be was shooting heroin again. It drove me crazy! When I wasn't high I was always tense and jittery from the anticipation of getting high again. Waiting all day to go to Jessica's for the next hit every time I came down became so excruciating that I started doing it all the time – even at work. I felt like I was losing my mind, Skips! After a while, it wasn't even about forgetting Margaret anymore, it was just about getting high. Even though I knew I shouldn't keep doing it, I felt like I had no choice. I had to have it—like it was controlling me. Everybody and everything would get on my nerves when I wasn't high – to the point that I had become violent. I started smoking cigarettes just to help calm my nerves even though I don't even like to smoke! Every time I looked in the mirror I felt like there was a stranger looking back at me. Rigby was starting to get suspicious because he kept saying that I didn't act the same anymore. He was right, but I had to lie to cover it up so I tried to prove that I hadn't changed by taking him extreme carting – just like old times. I was so fucking high that I could barely see straight, but I did it anyway to prove a fucking point! How fucking stupid was that? I guess you can figure out what happened next."

Skips sat carefully considering what to say for a moment after all that he'd just heard. Mordecai had opened up to him and he didn't want to lose that trust by saying something that would condemn him for his actions. "I'm sorry you're going through this, Mordecai. I should have noticed the signs. I'm sorry I wasn't more observant. Maybe I could have helped before things got out of control. I knew you were broken up over Margaret, but it never crossed my mind you were turning to drugs to get through it." Skips said.

"You're sorry? I'm the idiot here! I'm the fucking junkie! I'm the one who might have fucking killed his best friend!" Mordecai raised his voice, teetering on the verge of becoming hysterical. The irritability from his withdrawals coupled with the anxiety over Rigby's condition was taking its toll on him. "Why couldn't it have been me that got hurt instead of Rigby? Why do I get to sit here with a fucking flesh wound and he might be dying when all of this is MY FUCKING FAULT?"

"I can't answer that, Mordecai. All we can do is hope he pulls though. "

"What happens now?" Mordecai asked, regaining his composure somewhat.

"That depends on you. You're not seriously hurt so you'll probably be out of the hospital tomorrow. The doctors are not allowed to turn you over to the police just for finding the drugs in your system because that's confidential and you had no physical drugs on you when they brought you in. Since the police were not called to the scene of the crash you can't be charged with a DWI either." Skips explained.

Mordecai breathed a sigh of relief. He may have deserved to do some time, but it was the last thing he wanted.

"You need to get help, Mordecai." Skips said point blankly.

"I don't need rehab, Skips. I can do this on my own. I've made up my mind. I will quit. This has really opened my eyes to what can happen with this shit."

"I think you're making a huge mistake, Mordecai, but we can't force you to go to rehab." Skips sighed. "It has to be your decision."

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Sometime after midnight, Mordecai's door opened again and two nurses entered pushing a stretcher with someone in it. Mordecai awoke with a start. Once his eyes adjusted, he realized that the stretcher's occupant was Rigby. He watched in silence as the nurses transferred him to the empty bed, set up his IV, adjusted various machines, took his blood pressure, and finally exited the room.

Mordecai pushed back the sheets and got out of his bed. He dragged his IV across the room to stand at his friend's side. Rigby looked terrible. His head and abdomen were bandaged and his arm was in a cast. He was hooked up an IV, a blood pressure monitor, and a machine to help him breath. His closed eyes appeared sunken in his face.

With no one around to witness, Mordecai allowed his tears to flow freely this time. "It should be me lying there, not you, Rigby. You had nothing to do with the reason why we are here. I did this to you. It's my fault. I was selfish and irresponsible. I put my need to feel good over the safety of my best bro and I'm so sorry." His voice cracked with emotion. He allowed himself to quietly sob for a few more minutes, then managed to pull himself together again. "We're going to get through this though, dude. Both of us. I'm going to need a lot of help from you so you've got to get better soon. It's going to turn out okay, Rigby." The blue jay squeezed the raccoon's forearm as an act of reassurance to both of them, then returned to his bed.

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A/N: Thanks for reading and for the reviews. More coming soon!