"I can't believe this is happening again," grumbled Kurapika.

The sun glared down at them, but clouds loomed on the horizon. Thunderclouds. Hisoka couldn't wait for the storm. "Deja vu?" hr taunted. He had to leave to see Illumi soon, but he had to talk to Kurapika first. The brat said he had information for Hisoka, which intrigued him because clearly Kurapika had snuck into Chrollo's house, or locker, or something.

Kurapika crossed his legs at the picnic table they sat at on campus. "I'm not trying to kill anyone this time."

Hisoka rolled his eyes. "Just yourself." He thought back to the night before, where he didn't tell Illumi about his parents and found it significantly less fun than he'd have thought. Silva and Kikyo weren't amusing in any way, and he didn't like them or keeping it from Illumi, but if he told Illumi, Illumi would be distressed and Hisoka could kiss enjoying time with Illumi goodbye.

"Can you shut the hell up for once?" Kurapika dug through his backpack.

"Does your doctor friend know about what you're up to?" Hisoka asked, irritated with the kid's barbs. He was keeping his mouth shut, just about something else. "He might want to examine your head."

"He might want to examine yours more, though frankly I think it'd just be impossible to make sense of," Kurapika retorted.

Hisoka couldn't resist. "Oh, does he give you exams?"

Kurapika's jaw dropped. "I'm not sure what you're implying—"

"I'm sure you're exactly sure what I'm implying."

Kurapika slammed several printouts down on the table. "You're wrong. It's not like that, we're just friends, but nice try, you pathetic troll."

You're just as pathetic as me. At least he had Illumi to relieve stress. Hisoka held up the files. "Really? Paper? Angry at trees now?"

Kurapika flipped him off with both hands. "Can you consider that you can have friendships without—that?" His face was more scarlet than his eyes could ever be.

"I take my earlier comment back. You're clearly a virgin."

"You're clearly insane."

"Don't get arrested," Hisoka warned, scanning them. Shalnark and Kortopi were both boring people. Though… there was some potentially useful information there for sure.

"I heard you're training Gon," Kurapika said. "He texted me last night. And I just wanted to say that that is a terrible idea and you should—"

"Huh?" Hisoka craned his neck back. "So?"

Kurapika crossed his arms. "You know he and Killua just want to use it to make those kids who've been bullying them back off."

Hisoka set the files down. "Those kids who have been what?" It made perfect sense, like a puzzle piece that fit. He smirked. Gon, you are such a liar.

Kurapika frowned. "I mean, I suggested he ask you—didn't he tell you?"

"He did not."

"Apparently the kids have read all about what's going on with Killua's parents and have seen fit to make his life hell."

"Killua could kill them if he wanted to," Hisoka pointed out.

"Yeah, but he's trying not to. So Gon is…" Kurapika swallowed. "Look, I just suggested they ask you to learn defensive moves. I won't give you any more help if you teach him anything else, okay? They're kids. They need to not get in as much trouble—they have a future ahead of them—"

"And you don't? Ah right. I forgot. You don't care about your life." Hisoka drummed his fingers on the table. "I guess I can use what you gave me here."

Kurapika looked as if he wanted to punch him. "Great."

"So, are you going to break into some random person's home for the rubies?" Hisoka inquired. A cloud blocked the sun. Finally. "Or rob a bank first to buy them? The latter seems more you."

Kurapika pressed his lips together. "I have a plan." But he wasn't going to tell Hisoka. Clearly.

Hisoka shrugged. "I'll be off then. See you and don't die just yet."

Kurapika dropped back down on the bench, staring at the wood as the wind picked up. That boy needed a therapist more than the Zoldycks did.

Hisoka met Gon at the gym and scowled at him.

"What?" Gon asked innocently.

"I had an interesting chat with Kurapika."

"Kura—" Gon's eyes flashed. "Oh no!"

"Oh yes," said Hisoka. "I imagine Killua doesn't want Illumi to find out?"

Gon scowled. "He's got enough on his mind, and it's nothing he can't handle. I mean, that we can't handle."

"But I'm acceptable to lie to."

Gon's jaw dropped. "You lie all the time!"

"Fair." Hisoka shrugged. He went to roll his shoulder and reminded himself that he couldn't. Pain stabbed through him.

"Are you okay?" Gon wanted to know. Thunder rumbled in the distance.

"Yeah." He had a match with Kastro to win in a week. And a stupid reporter to shred.

"You don't look it," said Gon.

"Gon, listen, there are times when honesty is not appreciated."

"Oh." Gon's brow furrowed. "But anyways. It's not like I actually—at school today, they were saying there's this dodgeball game that every homeroom has to play in for this tournament, and like, our homeroom teacher's named Wing and he's really nice, but then the guys we don't like are led by this guy named Razor and they're in another homeroom, so Killua and I were thinking we just have to cream them at dodgeball, except neither of us are very good—at least not as good as they are because they're upperclassmen and they win every year or have won every year or so we've been told—"

"Please shut up," Hisoka requested, clamping his hand over Gon's mouth as the kid's mouth kept running. "I will still train you if you stop trying to make excuses." Dodgeball practice would help him keep his agility up, which is what he'd mainly rely on against Kastro anyways.

Gon nodded. Hisoka let him go. Ah, here was the perfect way to get around Kurapika not wanting him to teach Gon aggressive moves and still maintain Kurapika's help. Hisoka was more than aware, after all, that to defeat cowards, you had to come at them first, call them on their flaws, challenge them. And when they weren't afraid, then you could exult in that moment, find a thrill shuddering through your spine because finally, finally, someone who was like you. Like when Hisoka first met Illumi in college on their track team. Everyone else kept dropping out as their coach made them run suicide after suicide, run until they dropped, but neither of them would give up. And the sweat shining on Illumi's face, the way his hair looked pulled back—well, Hisoka decided that he, at least, was worth talking to.

Chrollo was a coward for drugging him.

And Hisoka hated him for making him feel like one, too.

The next morning, Mito had agreed to take all the kids to school. Illumi and Hisoka got up a bit later than usual, as Illumi was still working from home at his parents' business, though it was sure to fold eventually since his parents were no longer in charge. Hisoka felt like his mind was spinning and it was all because of that fucking fight with Chrollo. Everything had tilted since that fight. Everything was sliding and he did not like it one bit.

I'll make him regret that moment as long as he lives, Hisoka told himself as he showered. He went to comb gel into his hair with his fingers. It still stung. And the only way to make it not sting was to work off the tension. He wouldn't let this interrupt his life. He'd still fight Kastro. He'd—

Hisoka frowned. He peered at his image in the mirror. His hair wasn't sticking up. It dangled down his neck, waves looser than normal, shiny.

Hisoka squinted at the bottle. It was his normal gel, so why—

"Hisoka!" yelled Illumi's voice.

Hisoka swung the door open, towel wrapped around his waist. Illumi held up a bottle of his anti-frizz product. His hair stuck out in clumps. "Did you switch them?"

Hisoka jabbed his finger at his hair. "What do you think?"

Illumi's eyes narrowed. "They switched them."

"Are you sure I can't kill Killua?" Hisoka asked, staring at his reflection. Little brat.

Illumi glared at him. His phone rang and Illumi fumbled to answer it. "Hello?" He darted out of the room. Hisoka examined his hair. He didn't mind the look of it being down, but it was definitely—

"Hisoka," said Illumi, reappearing. "Alluka's having a meltdown at the school and they asked me to come." His face was whiter than milk.

Because her security blanket was gone. Killua was in class on a different campus, and there was no way they'd let Illumi take him out of school for this. Hisoka wondered whether Biscuit Krueger expected something like this to happen when she suggested public school, as a test for Illumi, see how he would handle it. She was craftier than she appeared.

"I'll go with you," Hisoka offered. This would be fun to see. A test of Illumi's limits.

Illumi nodded as if that Hisoka would say that was never in doubt.

The middle school was a depressing block of cells known as classrooms with plain walls and ugly lockers. Hisoka spent the bare minimum of time in school as he could, and took his equivalency exams as soon as he was able. Fortunately he did well enough to get into college.

Illumi and Hisoka were ushered into the principal's office, but not before some of the kids in the hallways pointed to Hisoka's makeup and whispered. He smirked.

Alluka curled up on a bench in the office, sobbing into her knees. Kalluto stood nearby, wringing his hands. He looked up at Illumi and Hisoka and his jaw dropped, though his eyes gleamed. "Your hair looks weird."

"I'm aware," Illumi responded. "What happened?"

"Kalluto, go back to class," ordered the principal, a man with golden hair, a fuschia suit that offended even Hisoka, and a face Hisoka thought resembled a weasel. "I'm Pariston Hill."

"Go, Kalluto," Illumi said. He reached for Alluka's shoulder, awkwardly resting his hand on it. Slight confusion crept over his face. Kalluto's shoulders slumped as he slipped out of the room. Kalluto glanced back at Alluka, desperate.

"Who is this?" asked Pariston, gesturing to Hisoka. Pariston shut the door on Kalluto.

"Illumi's boyfriend," Hisoka answered.

"Alluka threatened to take out a boy's liver," Pariston said. "Such a threat of violence is I believe not the first—"

Hisoka glanced at Illumi, knowing he would have made the same argument at this principal many times. What's it gonna be today, hmm?

"Alluka's been through a lot," Illumi stated. "And we addressed the issue before school—"

"He called Kalluto a girl and me a boy and said that we were—" Alluka screwed up her face.

"Why isn't he in the principal's office?" Illumi asked, seizing that information.

Pariston tsked. "Such a threat of violence means Alluka is suspended for the day, on request of the boy's parents."

"And how do they even know?" asked Hisoka, leaning back against the wall. Filled with bookshelves collecting dust and books that had clearly never been read. This guy was no genius despite being a principal. He was probably the kind of guy to bribe his way to power, or sleep his way to it. He probably had his eye on a certain council seat as well, eventually. But until they he was stuck here. Hisoka hoped Alluka and Kalluto would make Pariston's life hell.

"He called them."

"And that's typically allowed?" Not unless they'd really relaxed the rules the past ten, fifteen years. Hisoka knew all the rules, because he knew how to best break them.

"He was upset," said Pariston. "Anyone would be after such a—"

"Did she actually attempt violence?" Illumi asked.

"No—"

"Then I believe you're taking out what my parents did on her and also perhaps to the school system on her, which is unfair," Illumi stated. "I'll have you know I still have friends in the city council."

Pariston's eyes bulged. "Are you threatening me?"

"He's not," said Hisoka. "Trust me, if he was, you wouldn't be questioning it."

"I won't protest her current suspension," said Illumi. "But I'll be contacting her teacher myself." He grabbed Alluka's arm. "Come on."

She shook her head wildly, flapping her hands. "I don't want to—go back—I'm scared—the vault is—"

"I won't put you back there," Illumi promised, crouching down in front of her. His eyes lasered Hisoka. Help.

Hisoka lifted his hands. How could he help in this situation?

"I want to—then I won't hurt anyone—Killua will be sad—"

Illumi's face stiffened. "You won't hurt anyone. You didn't, and that boy hurt you." He pried Alluka's hands off her face. "Killua won't be sad. And I won't let you hurt anyone, okay?" He frowned and muttered to himself: "I think I'm allowed to be controlling about that."

Hisoka snorted.

Alluka stared at him, her blue eyes streaming. "I wish—if I were normal—I heard Mother saying if then—"

"Normal's dumb," said Hisoka, tapping his makeup.

Alluka's lips formed a smile. She yawned.

Illumi picked her up, carrying her out of the office. Hisoka twisted his already-busted ankle and stumbled, knocking Pariston Hill's coffee all over his keyboard. "Oh my. How clumsy of me."

"Bastard!"

"Principal Hill, the children!" shrieked the secretaries.

"Niisan?" asked Alluka as Illumi started the car. "Are you mad at me?"

Illumi glanced in the rearview mirror, exhaling. "No."

"Niisan," said Alluka. "Do you like me? I know Killua likes me and Milluki likes that I can help with his games and Kalluto with games, but do you like me? Now I mean, I know you didn't used to."

This was getting uncomfortable for Hisoka. He twitched.

"Yes," Illumi said quietly. "Alluka, I like you."

Liar. Or...

You just hate yourself, Hisoka observed.

"Where's Alluka?" Killua burst into the house, Kalluto on his heels.

"Heard the story?" Hisoka asked, sitting on the couch next to Illumi.

"She's asleep," Illumi said. "She needed rest."

Kalluto wrung his sash. "I'm sorry—I couldn't—protect her, Killua." His pink eyes scrabbled for any sign of displeasure in his older brother.

Killua stiffened. "It's not your fault, Kalluto." He reached out and wrapped his arms around his brother. Kalluto sniffled.

"Hey Killua," Hisoka said, turning a card over and over again in his hand, the edges scraping his skin. "Do you have something you might want to share with your brother? Or with Alluka, maybe along the lines of, oh, I don't know, that you can relate?" Gon would be pissed at him, but Hisoka didn't care. He still needed Hisoka to help him with that dodgeball thing.

Killua's eyes narrowed.

"What?" Illumi straightened. "Kil?"

"Or I could just tip off Biscuit Krueger to look for bruises and then I'm sure they'd draw conclusions you might rather they not," Hisoka drawled, tapping the card against his chin. Truly, it was interesting to see an officer like Krueger who actually tried to protect children. He certainly was more familiar with the other kind.

"Bruises?" Illumi leapt to his feet.

"Hisoka, you dumbass clown!" yelled Killua, yanking his arms away from Illumi, but not before Illumi had already yanked up his sweatshirt to see a bruise on his forearm. "Stop! I'm fine!"

"They don't like you either?" Kalluto asked. "I thought for sure they would. You're better than the rest of us."

Killua gripped his hair. "No, I'm not!"

"What's going on?" Illumi demanded.

Killua looked like he was about to cry. Hisoka grabbed Illumi and dragged him back over to the couch, forcing him to sit. Killua dropped onto the floor. "Some kids—Mother and Father—they've seen the news and they don't like them and they don't like me because of it. Also one of my classmate's grandparents died when the company denied her insurance. Gon's my friend, and this kid named Zushi, but—"

Illumi's face drained.

"It's honestly fine," Killua said, scrambling to his feet again. "I can handle it."

"It's my fault," Illumi whispered.

"Congratulations on realizing that," Hisoka said. Except it wasn't. Not really. Well, somewhat.

"Shut up," Killua told him.

"Mother and Father always said I'd help—when I turned people down it'd be helping the company, and them, and the family—I never thought it would affect you like this." Illumi clamped his hand over his mouth. "I should not have done this. I should not be subjecting you to my presence. I should—I should—"

"What's the alternative, a foster home?" Killua demanded. "Hey! Get it together, Illumi!" He grabbed his brother's shoulders.

Illumi met Killua's eyes, his own black and terrified. Hisoka didn't know what to say or do. He should record this. But his hand wouldn't move. Dislocated, remember? He couldn't move it. It'd help him out later if he didn't. He shouldn't risk re-injuring it.

"I can tell them to leave you alone," Illumi tried.

"Don't bother stooping to their level," said Hisoka. "I'm a better candidate for that."

"Or you can let me handle it!" Killua burst out. "Illumi, I can do it! Please—please—let me try this on my own! Like Dr. Yorkshire says, I should be able to take age-appropriate risks—"

Illumi swallowed.

"To tell the truth," said Hisoka. "Gon and I are working on a plan."

Illumi looked as if he'd like to throw a needle at Hisoka as he explained about the dodgeball game. Illumi should tell Chrollo. He probably would. Killua smiled.

"Well, I suppose," Illumi said, voice doubtful.

"We can all help," said Kalluto. "I mean, me and Milluki and Alluka might be mostly fodder but we can try!"

"Okay," Killua agreed. Hisoka bit his lip. Blood tasted bitter.

"You should tell me," said Illumi. "What kind of pain I caused. I know I am controlling. Dr. Yorkshire says so. But I don't know when I'm still hurting you and when I'm not and when I should be setting boundaries and when I should be—"

Killua snorted. "I'm a teenager. I'm supposed to yell at you for any rules."

Illumi furrowed his brow.

"Or just break them without him finding out," Hisoka supplied. "Though that's less fun."

"I will kill you," Illumi warned Hisoka.

"Just let me be myself," Killua said. "Like for planning classes to take, or for small conflicts like this—I can handle them." He swallowed. "If I can't, I'll—try to do better about asking you for help, okay? Like it's hard to right now because I still don't know if you'll overreact and—but we can both work on that—"

Illumi nodded. "That sounds acceptable." He looked down at Kalluto. "You, too?"

Kalluto nodded, flushing that his brother had actually asked him for an opinion.

"Thanks for getting Alluka," said Killua.

"Ah," said Illumi. "She's my sister, so."

Killua narrowed his eyes. Illumi gulped. And then Killua leaned against Illumi, and Illumi looked as if he had died and gone to heaven.

Something settled in Hisoka's chest, a strange feeling, heavy and foggy, and he couldn't quite figure out what it was. He didn't like it. It reminded him of things he would rather forget.

"Oh," said Illumi, frowning again. "Which one of you switched our hair products?"

Killua did a double take at the two of them. He burst into laughter.

"Milluki paid me to do it," Kalluto admitted.

"Milluki!" Illumi leaped to his feet. "Get up here right now."

Thunder rumbled again outside. Hisoka leaned back, crossing his arms behind his skull and ignoring the throbbing in his shoulder and ache in his wrist. He listened to Alluka running down the stairs, to Killua promising to help her feel better and that leading to her and Kalluto forcing Killua to regret his life choices when he had no choice but to agree to let them dress him up in one of Kalluto's kimonos. Illumi berated Milluki and took away his gaming device for the next week, telling a protesting Milluki that if he was truly not a child he ought to act like it.

The Zoldyck human disasters were always so interesting.