A/N: I wrote this for the Kurtbastian Hiatus Project prompt 'road trip'. I hope you like it, Futurefic, humor.

"Kurt?"

Sebastian tries to be nice about it. He tries to be gentle. He tries to wake Kurt slowly, the way a loving boyfriend should, but when Sebastian shakes his shoulder for the fifth time and Kurt doesn't even blink his eyes, Sebastian loses his cool.

He grabs Kurt by the shoulder and shoves him back and forth hard enough to jostle his head on his shoulders.

"Kurt!"

Kurt snorts indelicately and sits up straight in his seat like he's been shot.

"(Shn-ick) Wh-what!? What happened? What's going on? Did another car hit us?"

Sebastian rolls his eyes, slowing down the Navigator, preparing to pull to the side of the road.

"No, Kurt," Sebastian says, his voice tight with a desperate need to sleep, "we were supposed to switch off more than half-an-hour ago."

"Right! Right, right, right, right…" Kurt mumbles, his eyes fluttering closed, his head nodding with sleep. Sebastian sees him drifting off and (seeing no other cars on the road, not that he really cares if there are) slams his hand down on the horn.

"Kurt!" he yells, the sound amplified in the confines of the vehicle.

Kurt's eyes snap open.

"I'm awake!" he says, sitting bolt upright again.

"Kurt!" Sebastian whines.

"I'm sorry!" Kurt says.

"Well, why did you take that Goddamned Ambien to begin with?" Sebastian moans, realizing with despair that Kurt is probably in no condition to drive regardless of how Sebastian is about to die in his seat.

"You know I get sick on long car rides," Kurt says in his defense. "It was either I sleep or I vomit. Which would you have preferred?"

"At this point, Kurt," Sebastian says between clenched teeth, "I don't care if we were swimming in it as long as I could put my head down for an hour!"

Kurt glares at Sebastian with disgust.

"Ewww!" he says, his head dropping subconsciously back down onto the headrest behind him, his eyelids falling shut.

"Kurt?" Sebastian glances between Kurt and the road, trying to assess the current consciousness of his drugged boyfriend. "Kurt?" Another glance and Sebastian can see that Kurt's mouth has dropped open; he can hear him snoring softly.

"Kurt? Fuuuucccccckkkkkk!" Sebastian jumps up and down in the driver's seat, smacking his hands down on the steering wheel until his palms begin to sting. His tantrum dies down when he surrenders to a yawn, realizing with dismay that he's wasting the little energy he has left while on a road with no turnouts for him to pull-over and take an emergency snooze.

Sebastian resigns to driving for as long as he can, and find a way to get back at his boyfriend later.

An hour down the road and Sebastian's mind is swimming with ways he can take revenge on Kurt. It might not be the nicest subject to dwell on, but for now focusing on his vindictive nature is the only thing keeping him awake. His eyes shift from time to time to look at his selfish boyfriend resting comfortably in the passenger seat.

Bitterly, Sebastian pokes Kurt in the arm.

Nothing.

He smacks Kurt on the shoulder.

Still nothing.

He licks a finger and sticks it in Kurt's ear.

Kurt grumbles in his sleep, shifts position, and for a second Sebastian is relieved, certain that a wet willy did the trick where all else has failed to wake him, but then he settles down and starts to snore softly again.

Sebastian smacks a hand down in frustration as Kurt snoozes away. He glares at Kurt through the rearview mirror. He changes lanes sharply and then back again. Kurt rolls toward the door and then flops back to his original position.

Not a stir.

"Un-fucking-believable," Sebastian mutters.

His eyes flick to Kurt, whose mouth has dropped further open, almost inhumanly – more like a python unhinging his jaw to devour a large rodent.

"At least he's not drooling," Sebastian comments. "And thank God no one important is here to see this," he says louder, still trying to wake Kurt up. "God forbid your friends from Vogue saw you with your mouth hanging open and your hair all mussed up." Sebastian gasps dramatically. "What would Isabelle Wright say if she saw you?"

Sebastian blinks, aiming his head toward the cold air rushing in through the cracked-open window, to stay awake. With the frigid wind prying his eyes open and the howling whoosh of it drowning out the sound of Kurt's snoring, he can think much more clearly.

He suddenly gets a nasty, wicked idea.

He sits back in his seat and pulls his iPhone out of the dock on the dashboard.

"I know you get sooo angry when I use my phone while I drive," Sebastian mocks to a still unconscious Kurt while simultaneously flicking through his apps to find the camera, "but what you don't know won't bother you…yet."

They reach their hotel a little after two in the morning. It's too late for a dip in the hot tub to ease Sebastian's stiff muscles, so he zeros in on the shower instead, determined to let the hot spray beat the ache out of him.

"I am so so so sorry," Kurt repeats for the thousandth time. "I totally…"

"Just…just forget it," Sebastian groans. He reaches for his luggage, but a chipper and fully-energized Kurt swoops in and grabs it before Sebastian can pick it up.

"No," Kurt says, "I was an ass, and I promise I'll make it up to you."

"Well, how about you drive the rest of the way to San Francisco," Sebastian suggests, "this way I can spend seven hours sleeping."

"Done," Kurt agrees, placing a kiss on Sebastian's cheek and leading the way to their room. "But in the meantime, why don't you get the shower started…" Kurt runs the keycard into their door and holds it open so a barely conscious Sebastian can stumble inside, "and I'll join you in a little bit to help wash your back…"

Wash your back has always been their secret code for an in-shower blow job. It was something adolescent they had come up with in high school so that they could talk about sex under their Dalton teachers' noses, and it kind of stuck.

Sebastian's face lights up.

"You promise?" he asks, turning and pulling Kurt into the room, wrapping his arms around his waist.

"I promise," Kurt says.

Sebastian smiles wider.

"Swear on your entire collection of McQueen scarves that no matter what, you'll come into the shower with me and…uh…wash my back."

Kurt's eyebrows shoot up in surprise that Sebastian would feel the need to have him make such a promise.

"Of course," Kurt reassures him. "You know how much I love it."

"Great." Sebastian kisses Kurt on the forehead and heads for the bathroom. "I'll get the water started."

"I'll be with you in just a second," Kurt says, unpacking his laptop and setting it up on the table by the window, "I just want to check Facebook. All of our East Coast friends should be awake by now. I want to update my status."

"You do that," Sebastian says, grabbing his toiletries kit and walking into the bathroom with a maniacal grin on his face.

Sebastian shuts the bathroom door and stands quietly behind it, listening to Kurt mutter as he checks his Facebook page.

"Wow!" he calls out so Sebastian can hear. "I have 32 new notifications. We've only been gone for a day…what!"

Sebastian throws a hand over his mouth to stifle his laughing.

"What the fu…" Kurt says, his voice growing more and more agitated as he flips through his recent posts – more specifically, recent photos he was tagged in.

There's an unnerving quiet, and then suddenly –

"SEBASTIAN!"

"Hurry up, babe," Sebastian calls out sweetly through choking laughs, "the water's getting cold, and you promised to come in and wash my back."

Sebastian laughs louder when the bathroom door shakes with the force of the shoe Kurt threw at it.

Sebastian jumps away from the door before something heavier follows. He undresses and steps into the shower, under the spray. So, maybe he won't get his blow job, but for now, revenge is much, much sweeter.