Chapter 8:
They continued with their routines at the mansion along the rest of the day, and after taking enough notes about the writings and a brief reunion with Lehman, they were on their way home.
Mr. Steele was quiet. He was very excited when Laura had told him about having dinner with Mildred and her family. She was finally opening, to show to the world that they were together. But at the same time, he was anxious. Laura had her emotional side under pressure, and the result of that tended to be a finale full of unexpected reactions. Mr. Steele should stay on alert because Laura's emotional side was on alert too. Although at the same time, he would try to appear confident. Laura needed to feel his support, and he was eager to give it to her.
Laura spent the trip in silence, the same as he did. Her mind was racing, and not thinking only about the reunion. She was thinking mostly about her, about her latest decisions. About the agency and how vital had become his presence there. About her personal life and how essential was his presence there too. About her past and how her life had changed as her relationships had invaded all her fronts; but mostly about how her life was going to be after taking this critical step. She was beyond the point of no return.
"What would you like for dinner?" asked Mr. Steele.
"Hmm?" was her vague response.
"What do you want to eat? We have to go for the ingredients before we go home. Do you have a preference for tonight's supper?"
"I'm okay with anything," she told him.
"Well, then I'll try something with pork, plums, and applesauce. Would you feel comfortable with that?" Mr. Steele asked.
She didn't answer. "Laura?"
"I told you I will be ok with anything. Do I have to spell the words for you? She was raising her voice dangerously.
He decided to park the car, and after that, looked at her. "I'm sorry if I am annoying you, Laura. I was only asking an elementary question…"
"And I was giving you a straightforward answer: I will be ok with anything. Why do you feel that I need to be asked several times about the same question? You asked? I answered. It's over."
"Do you think that you'll feel less aggressive once we're at home? Perhaps I should ask you later, or maybe I shouldn't ask at all…"
"I am not aggressive... I'm just trying to figure out how the hell I am going to do to live my life like if nothing were happening, while every little part of my world is turning upside down!"
He looked at her paralyzed. So that was it: she was in a panic. With the intention to slow down a little their chat intensity, he took her hand in his, "Laura, please don't do this… I know we are turning another corner; an important one, by the way. But please tell me that turn isn't turning your life upside down. Please tell me we are going to make the turn together and the things we are going to find are good ones. You are not alone here in this relationship. You know that. Allow me to be by your side tonight; to be by your side along the whole way." He stopped and raised his eyes to look at her. There were only three words left that would fit in his speech with perfection, but she wasn't ready to hear them yet. Not at this very moment, with all this anxiety playing against her; against them.
She remained still, eyes fixed on her knees, her hand still in his. After a painful silence, told him: "I know everything you are telling me is true. I know I like my life the way it is now, with you in it, with us in it. But I can't help to feel what I'm feeling. I'm scared…" she was on the verge of tears.
"Laura, I'm scared too. Commitment makes all different, turns everything real. I'm scared too. But knowing that you are here with me makes the effort worth." He kissed her hand, and in a soft voice told her: "Why don't we try this: let me take you home, to the loft, have some time for yourself, try to slow down a bit, and I'll have everything ready just in time for you and for everyone's arrival."
"Okay," she answered him
"Promise me you will come."
"I promise. I'm not going to let you spend the evening in your condo with Mildred and my annoying family, all by yourself, you know? Particularly when everybody is expecting for the two of us to be there together. We are a team, and we are going to act like that."
"We are a team Laura, but most important, we are together. Let's play together, and it will be an easy hand."
"I`ll be there," she answered smiling.