Spencer's POV:

Tick… tick… tick

That is the only sound I hear, the sound of a clock, aside from my sobs and the beating of my heart.

As of now I am sitting on the bathroom floor about to plunge a knife into my chest and finally end my pain.

I can barley see through the tears but I know that I must look horrible, I hope they clean me up before my funeral… that is if I even have a funeral.

I doubt I will get a funeral, I mean worthless cowards don't deserve funerals right?

Before I end my pain I am hit with about a million flashbacks, all at once, all of these flashbacks go back to the days I spent tortured by my parents.

As I sit and remember these flashbacks I let their cruel words ring through my head one last time:

Fat

Ugly

Worthless

A mistake

I also remember the things they told me like how I should not be alive or how nobody would care if I died anyway, and those words and statements are what make any doubt that I may have had before go away. I pull the knife back but right when I am about to jerk it forward I feel it being hit out of my hands.

"No!" I cry in horror as I scramble to get the knife but my attempts to reach it fail due to a pair of arms being wrapped around my waist drawing me into their owners chest. I don't even have to look up to know that Toby is the one holding me, I know because not only is the scent of wood-chips and cologne his scent but I also know because he is the only one that would cry over this, he is the only one who cares.

"How could you!" I scream and sob in horror as I start pounding on his chest angrily, but soon I give in and end up falling forward into his loving embrace.

After sitting in silence, minus the sound of my sobbing to disturb the silence, Toby finally speaks up.

"Spencer baby why?" is all he asks, his voice breaking as he asks me.

"I-I'm worthless that's why!" I admittedly sob into his chest.

"Hey listen to me… you are not worthless okay? You are my world Spencer Hastings and you mean the world to your friends as well! Spencer without you I don't know where I would be, don't you see that you changed me? I am forever grateful that you are in my life Spencer!" Toby exclaims, with tears rolling down his cheeks, as he lifts my chin up making eye contact with me.

"But they-they think I am worthless and you know what? They are right!" I yell as I burry my head back into Toby's chest. "Please just let me die." I whisper.

"Who's they baby?" Toby asks gently.

"My family. They judge me no matter what I do and they are always calling me fat and telling me that the world would be better without me!" I admit to Toby as I begin to sob harder.

"Spencer baby everything they are saying is completely false! Nobody should be told any of those things from anyone let alone their own family!" Toby tells me, he sounds angry, not at me but at my family.

"Well they do tell me those things and now I will have to continue to wake up everyday and hear those same comments everyday because I can't end my pain once and for all." I say bitterly.

"Spencer you can't stay here!" Toby says as he motions around the room "this environment is not healthy!" he adds.

"I know this is not healthy but where do I have to go? It's not like I made a backup plan incase my family ever starts bulling me!" I cry angrily into Toby's chest.

"Spencer you can live at the loft with me. Scratch that, you have to live at the loft with me." Toby tells me as he rubs his hands in small circles around my back.

"You wouldn't mind if I lived with you, I mean I might get in your way." I say quietly as I look him in the eyes.

"Spencer you are the best thing in my life, there is no way you would ever get in my way!" Toby says with a small smile forming on his face.

"Okay I guess I should start packing then." I say as I slowly get up and enter my room.

Once I am in my room I walk into my closet and pull out my suitcase and set it on my bed. I then walk back into my closet and pull out all of my long sleeved clothing articles, Toby may know about some of my secret but he doesn't know everything and if he sees my cuts he might flip!

After both Toby and I have made a few trips from my closet to my suitcase we both agree I have enough to hold me over for at lease a month. Toby carries my suitcase to the truck and by the time we are on our way to his loft my crying had quieted a tad.

I lay my head on Toby's lap as he drives to the loft and when we arrive Toby picks me up bridal style and carries me into the loft.

"But what about the suitcase?" I manage to get out, the pervious events of tonight have strained my voice.

"We can worry about that tomorrow and for your pajamas tonight you can wear something of mine." He tells me as he sets me down on his bed and walks over to his closet.

Toby was in his closet for a few minutes but when he came out I saw what he was holding and I smiled. Toby was holding the shirt that I wore when we first kissed in one hand and in the other he was holding the pants that he was wearing that day.

"I figured you would like these," he said as he set them down beside me and kissed the top of my head.

I was about to get changed but when I started to pull my shirt up I must have rubbed my cuts the wrong way, that sent a wave of horrible pain shooting through my body. I must have gasped because as soon as I did Toby was standing in front of me.

"Spencer baby are you okay?" He asked with concern dripping from his voice.

"It- it hurts to much." I cried as I motioned to my arms.

Toby quickly helped me pull my shirt off but as soon as he saw what hurt me he gasped.

"Oh Spencer," was all he could say as he pulled me into his chest and let my cry.

After about 10 minutes of crying I pulled away and quickly put on his shirt and pants.

"Do you mind if we go to bed? I'm really tired." I said as I looked up at Toby.

"Sure, I am too." He said as he picked my up and laid me at the top of his bed and put me under the covers

Once Toby turned out the lights and laid down next to me I curled up next to him and closed my eyes.

"I love you so much," Toby whispered as he started playing with my hair to help me fall asleep.

For this first time I feel like I am loved and actually mean something.

A/N:

I am so sorry for taking forever to upload this chapter! I really wanted to show a lot of emotion in this chapter so I had to write it a few times to perfect it!

This has to be my favorite chapter so far so please leave your thoughts telling me what you think!

Just a little info: Spencer's depression is not over I promise.

News on new fanfic:

The spoby pregnancy fanfic will be made after this fanfic is done (which hopefully this fanfic will be going for a very long time!)