Warning this chapter is a dark chapter!

Spencer's POV:

It is about noon and Toby and I have just arrived home from our night under the stars. I am in a hurry to get ready because the girls will be over in less then an hour, Toby has finally talked me into telling them what happened. As I am applying my makeup a familiar felling overwhelms me, it is a foreboding feeling of hopelessness and darkness. It is the feeling of depression. It is the feeling of -A.

For the past few days Toby has been coddling me and protecting me from my demons but that all must come to an end. I can not be protected from myself, I am hopeless, I can not be protected from the darkness inside. Thats when I remember the razors I had brought over from my old house, if only I can remember where I left the bag they are in. I think of all the places I could have left the bag but I soon realize it is most likely in Toby's truck. I feel like I might explode if I can not be in control of myself any longer, so I sprint to the door.

"I'll be right back!" I call to Toby as I rush out the door.

Once I have the bag in my possession I go back inside the loft and quickly prepare for what I am going to do next.

Toby is in the shower so I take this as an opportunity to quickly pack a bag of clothing and write a note, once I have done both of those things I grab the keys to my car and leave Toby's loft.

To be honest, I have no idea what I am doing but all I know is that I need to get away from all this fake love and support and go somewhere where I can realize the piece of crap I actually am. I think about going back home, but I know that is where Toby and the girls will check first, so I decide to find a nice hotel somewhere far away from Rosewood.

Once I am a few miles out of Rosewood I notice that I have been crying, I don't know why I'm sad about leaving because by doing this I am helping everyone. I will no longer be around to drag people down with my problems so that has to make everyone happier, right?

I notice that I am almost out of gas so I stop to refill my tank but right when I am about to drive again, I get a text…

Good girl,

You made the right choice leaving Rosewood.

As a reward go to the 'Wooden Maroon' hotel a few miles away from where you are now.

I have rented you a room under the name 'Shelby Burke'

Enjoy your stay!

-A

I know I should be suspicious of 'A's' motives but at this point, I do not care what happens to me, I would rather be dead.

It takes me a few hours but I finally find the hotel 'A' is sending me to, once I check in I head straight to room 107.

Once I am in my room, I grab my razors, and run into the bathroom. I suppose tonight I would be playing the number game.

I quickly pull out a razor blade and slice it across my skin, sighing with relief, I have truly missed this.

I drag the blade across my wrist a second time, this cut is for being worthless.

A second time turns into a third, this cut is for letting someone in on my little secret.

The third time turns into a forth, this one is for bugging Toby with my stupid problems.

The fifth, sixth, seventh, and eight times are all for the same reason, these are for eating everything that I have eaten in the past few days.

Finally I slice my wrist's vertically, I do this five times, these are for still being alive.

Once I am done slicing my wrists I just sit there numbly, watching the blood drip from my wrists. Slowly a sick smile creeps across my face…

There is no one here to save me this time.

After about 10 minutes of watching my blood flow out of me I slowly crawl over to the toilet and stick my fingers down my throat.

The first time is for that pancake I had with Toby.

The second time is for that banana I had for breakfast a few days ago.

The third time is because I need to be skinny.

The forth time is because I do not look like the girl's on magazine covers.

The fifth time is because I am selfish and pathetic, after all I did bring everybody down by sharing my problems with them!

The sixth time is a punishment for all the food I have eaten.

The seventh time is because I want to be dead.

After I am finally done purging and cutting, I decide to end this once and for all. I walk over to the chair my bag is sitting on and I grab the knife I had brought with me.

Spencer Jill Hastings, all you do is bring your friends down. You bug them with your constant problems, and you actually let your lover take care of you! Don't you understand that you are worthless and do not deserve to be taken care of! Spencer nobody loves you, not even Toby! Poor Toby, he was only pretending to love you so he did not have do deal with being questioned after your death! You know the world would be so much better without you, its a fact!

Those are the last things I think before I plunge the knife into my stomach and smile as the darkness finally consumes me.

Toby's POV:

Toby,

Today I have chosen to run away, I have been putting my demons off for too long and it is now time that I face them. I am so sorry that I ever bothered you with my problems, but now you will not have to worry about me or them. Please Toby move on and find someone who you deserve, not some pathetic person like me! By the time you are reading this I will be gone, please do not come and look for me. If I am being completely honest, I will admit that even thought the past few days have been lovely I have still been faced by my demons, I guess they never really go away. I can not stand living in a world where I drag everybody down, I would rather be with my demons and be somewhere I belong. Toby I am afraid that we will never meet again so goodbye my love.

Goodbye Toby I will always love you.

Spencer

I must have read this note over a thousand times and now I am pacing around the loft, trying to figure out where Spencer could be right now. I am constantly running into things as I pace back in forth due to not being able to see with all of the tears that are in my eyes.

I was about to inform the police on what had happened when my phone started buzzing. I ran over to it, hoping Spencer would be on the other end, but sadly that was not the case.

"Hello?" I said when I picked up the phone, I did not recognize the number that was calling.

"Toby please come to the hospital as soon as possible, we have Spencer." This is all Wren says before he hangs up the phone.

Without thinking I grab my keys and rush out the door.

A/N: Hey everybody! I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! Sorry I have not been active, I was grounded so I did not have my phone or laptop (eww)

Anyways I hope you like this chapter, please review/favorite/ and follow if you did!

Tomorrow is my best friend's birthday and she is coming over for a sleepover and stuff so I wont be on tomorrow!

I do have to say I am really busy and I will be even busier when school starts to I have decided to not write on a schedule on to write on my own time, please forgive me for this!

Another thing I have to tell you is that my dad and I are thinking about going to the book convention in new york city next year for my birthday and I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO EXCITED! I have never been to new york city and I have always wanted to go so that will be fun!

Make sure to follow me on my twitter so you can know what I am up to and if I am writing!

Twitter: Ikissedmady

Sorry for the long authors note!

Xox

Mady