Author's Note: I'm back, guys! With the first chapter of 2018, ain't that just crazy? I feel like the years are going by faster and faster. Anyway, I hope you all enjoy the chapter, as it gives a little insight into the thoughts of one Daryl Dixon.

The responses from the last chapter made me sooooo happy! I love hearing from you. Thank you.

Disclaimer: Not really the owner of anything here, just the crazy mind coming up with all sorts of imaginary scenarios. Nice, right? Right? Okay, then. Whatever.

Daryl's Pov

Daryl followed the tracks on the floor almost absentmindedly, knowing his own skills enough to be confident in his moves even if his attention wasn't one hundred percent focused on the task at hand. He was still unsure whether he would actually shoot the deer when he reached it. They had fed not long ago and Daryl was strongly against killing when it wasn't necessary. He had used the pretext of hunting to escape her — so he had to take back something — but it needn't be a big animal like that. Perhaps a squirrel or two would do.

Daryl wasn't sure about what bothered him in the first place. Maybe it had been her constant stare, watching his every move — moves that wouldn't normally embarrass him, but under the circumstances made him uncomfortable. Or it could because she was just constantly there. He wasn't used to being watched; he was used to being a shadow — fading into the background, just there.

He constantly felt under her scrutiny, though. Every step he took she was there, focused on his every action. She saw the way he walked and she noticed whenever he missed a step. The possibility that maybe she saw him... it wasn't something Daryl ever had to deal before. People, in general, had no interest in him beyond the help he could provide.

He didn't know how to explain it even to himself, but the whole ordeal just made him feel very aware of her. Daryl couldn't help but notice her as well. Whenever he felt her gaze on his back it became impossible to not be aware of her moves in return. He could hear her steps; he could hear her breathing; he could hear the way she moved her arms constantly — nervously — back and forward.

He noticed much more, though. She never slept, for once. Beth never woke him up to get some sleep and she never woke Merle either; she just remained awake throughout the night.

It was not like he was sleeping all through it anyway; he couldn't even if he wanted to. Daryl woke up sometimes — most times — but she was still there, in the same damn position she had been before. Focused on watching everything around them — although he wasn't really sure what she could see. Daryl still couldn't completely trust her to keep them safe. She wasn't trained or ready for that life, yet — Beth didn't know what to look for in the dark, despite her good intentions.

He knew his brother woke up often, too. Sleeping a full night wasn't their habit, anyway. But they never knew what to say to her — Daryl could see Merle struggling as well — so they choose to let her be. Perhaps they should have said something already, but it wasn't like he knew what he could possibly say without making an idiot out of himself. Her pain wasn't a normal kind pain of pain for a seventeen-year-old girl. Beth was grieving for a girl she did not know; she was suffering from what they had done to her. Daryl never experienced any of those types of pain in his life, and he comprehended how unbearable it was when people diminished your pain by pretending to understand it.

It was all too new, he kept reminding himself. Daryl could still see the bruises; the large bruise marking her face. He didn't know if she could even tell her face was badly bruised — from a hard slap, most likely. It wasn't like they had a mirror available for her to constantly check on herself, either. It was better that way, he believed. No need for her to be reminded that she had physical proof of all that had happened to her; her mind was most likely driving her insane already.

However, they could see it. They could see it every time they looked at her. It was a testament to what they had allowed her to suffer. He knew his brother felt it, too. Merle was quick to shoulder the blame from anything concerning Daryl — he knew that — but maybe he was beginning to include Beth in the small circle of people he felt he needed to protect. This left Daryl feeling still unsure of how to deal with such a change.

When he told her she was one of them, he hadn't been lying. He could see it much better than she could, and it was clear to him that Merle had absolutely no intention of letting her go. It was also true that he had saved the girl. Despite what she seemed to think, he wasn't a monster; he would've never abandoned her to her fate with those sons of bitches.

Of course he was angry. Of course he was frustrated. He wished that he could change what had happened — he would change it all if he could. He wanted nothing more than to erase the past month out of their lives. They should've been heading to the farm; they were supposed to be searching for her family. Even if he hadn't believed it was a possibility for them to ever find any of those people again, that's what he had wanted to do; that's what they should have done.

What happened to them was fucked up. He had almost died; he thought he would die. When he saw the gun aimed at him — when he saw the gun aimed at his head — he thought that that would be it. He was going to die. But he hadn't. He was left there, on the floor, dirty and hurting, wondering what had happened to his brother and Beth for hours and hours, until he had the strength to get up, and crawl, and then to walk.

It hurt, a lot. Daryl knew pain, but nothing had quite prepared him for the crushing pain of having to take a bullet out of his own leg. It hurt like a motherfucker, but he lived through it. He couldn't die; he had a purpose. He had to find his brother and Beth, even if they were dead, even if he was too late. He still had to know.

So Daryl followed their tracks, so damn slow it angered him most of the times. Every minute he wasted on his slow-walk could mean the death of the only person he had left. Merle couldn't die.

It did, however, hurt so much to walk that sometimes he had wanted to give up, to lie down and rest for a whole week, but he couldn't, so he kept on walking until he found them.

He still couldn't quite believe what had happened; he still didn't know how to ask her exactly what had happened. He wanted to know but didn't know how to ask for it. The truth was that he was afraid to hear the answer. His brother had been tortured, it didn't take a genius to figure that out, but that had been it. Daryl knew it must have been tough, but he also knew his brother and he knew how strong he was. He would survive. The time they spent on that building didn't really change anything for him — not really — but it did change for her. She was never supposed to meet... she was never supposed to see that. Beth wasn't supposed to know people could be so evil; that people could be so vicious and corrupt.

Daryl knew men like that his whole life — men who enjoyed other people pain. He saw it on that motherfucker's face when he had been pointing that gun at Daryl's head; he saw it in his eyes that he was enjoying it. Other people pain had been an enjoyable moment for him, so Daryl understood she must have suffered in his hands, much more than they could ever see just by looking at her. A man like that wouldn't have passed on the opportunity to make her suffer.

And the little girl... the little girl she saved. Luna. She should have lived. What happened to her was tragic; she was so young. A wounded girl — Daryl could relate to that. He saw a little bit of himself in that scared little girl. Maybe that's why he still couldn't believe they had been so careless as to not check the bodies. To know that her death had been so easily preventable; to know that they could've saved her... she could be alive.

Luna was just another girl he could have saved but didn't. This situation just reminded him too much of Sophia; just reminded him of how badly he had wanted to save her, but didn't. He failed twice; it was time to face that.

He was tired.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX

Daryl hadn't meant to eavesdrop, honestly. He figured the two squirrels were more than enough for the time being, so he walked back to their precarious camp, not making any more effort to conceal his steps than he normally would. That was how he moved around, whether he hiding or not. But, the second he heard her voice — speaking candidly for the first time in weeks — he couldn't help himself, he stopped before they could see him and waited to her what she was saying.

He did move close enough to see them, however, positioning his body so that he was partially hidden behind a tree. He didn't need to try very hard to remain unnoticed, both his brother and Beth looked absorbed enough in their talk that it would be quite unlikely they would notice him.

Merle was crunched in front of her, not looking her in the eyes. They were close to each other, very close. Close enough to touch, if they so wished.

"I promised to teach you to protect yourself." Daryl heard his brother say, in a somewhat defeated voice. "I said I wouldn't allow you to get hurt. I knew you weren't ready to leave the cabin, but I allowed myself to be swayed. I should've put my damn foot down... If you want someone to blame for this whole mess, then I'm your guy."

Again, the protectiveness in his voice. Daryl understood how serious his brother was about promises, but with Beth, it was something more. He felt like he failed her, Daryl could tell. Merle wasn't the sort of guy who went out of his way to protect people, so this was all new territory as far as Daryl was aware. And even though Beth was a girl, it shouldn't have mattered to him. Merle was the exact opposite of pussywhipped — if anything he was the one who usually had to push insistent women away.

"No, don't even think... No!" Little Beth said, sounding quite shocked by Merle's words. Daryl did notice, however, that she made no move to put any sort of distance between their bodies before she carried on speaking. "This is my fault, no one else's. You did help me, as much as you could and as much as I would let you. You saved my life in all the ways I could ever need, Merle, and I'm so freaking grateful for it. Forgive me if I did not say it sooner."

Why did that make Daryl feel angry? So what if his brother had saved her from that fucking farm, he was the one who took them both out of that old building. Did he get no credit whatsoever for that?

She raised her hand and touched his chin, moving Merle's head up until she could lock eyes with him. Beth was completely focused on him, touching Merle without the slightest hesitation. Unlike the frightened way in which she spoke to Daryl — as if he was always about to hurt her.

Her touch didn't seem to calm Merle down because his next words were almost spat out in anger.

"You don't know anything," He said, moving his arms around and frowning. "I failed, Beth. Are you stupid? I fucking failed you! I failed Daryl! You thought we were going to leave you behind in that place with that motherfucker... How fucked up is that?"

It was fucked up, Daryl agreed. Even if he did not like her at all — which was not the case, despite what she thought — he wouldn't have left her there to die. She was clueless, but Beth didn't mean harm to anyone.

"Daryl almost died; you almost died. Do you know what those... those sons of bitches would say to me, Beth? Do you?" Merle carried on, voicing the question they both wanted — needed — to know the answer to, but had been far too afraid to actually ask her. "They said they were eager to touch you. To taste you. God, I can't even... Fuck! Did they fucking touch you?"

Daryl held his breath, waiting for the confirmation that he had been too late. That he hadn't been fast enough to prevent her from being raped by that disgusting piece of shit. He didn't want to hear it, but, at the same time, couldn't interrupt.

"No," She answered, swiftly ending his worries. "Jo- He wouldn't allow anyone else in the room I was being kept, and he didn't... Not like that."

The gigantic relief Daryl felt took him by surprise. He hadn't realized how much he was worried about that. The possibility that maybe Beth had been raped by multiple guys during the two weeks she had been away was a guilt that Daryl had been carrying since he found them. To find out that his fears were unfolded, was redemption he hadn't know he needed.

"Beth," Merle called, bringing Daryl back to the reality in front of him and away from his dark thoughts. "I'm sorry. I should be the one apologizing to you, not the other way around. I'm sorry that you had to live this. I never wanted you to see this ugly side of the world."

Daryl wanted to agree with his brother, to say to her that he wanted to apologize, too. But he couldn't.

She began to cry seconds before she jumped into his brother's neck, hiding her face and holding him closer than before. She said something — whispered to him — but it was so softly that Daryl couldn't understand the words. He did hear his brother's response, though, right before he fully sat on the ground and manhandled Beth into his lap.

"Dammit, Beth, I won't," He said, promising something else to her. "I won't."

She continued to cry, holding Merle tightly — as if he would vanish at any second if she didn't prevent it by holding him as strongly as she could. Merle, in return, looked pained at her tears, like he wanted to do something about them but didn't know how. Nevertheless, they both seemed quite comfortable in their position. Beth wanted to be comforted and Merle looked ready to give her whatever she needed.

He should've been happy that Beth was finally speaking. He should've been proud that his brother was comforting her instead of being his usual jerk self. He should've been pleased that they were both getting along and helping each other to heal. So why wasn't he?

AN2: This chapter had me smiling while writing it. Daryl is wound up so tightly that it makes me crack up a smile sometimes, honestly. Boy just needs to relax a little bit. Perhaps Beth could volunteer to help?