Disclaimer: Star Trek and all associated characters and situations are the property of CBS studios. Star Trek Online is the creation of Cryptic and Perfect World. Tomb Raider and the situations therein are the property of Square Enix. All are here used by myself for entertainment purposes only, without permission or intent to profit. Stardates were calculated with the help of the TNG Stardate Calculator available on TrekGuide .com and may be slightly out of sync with those used in the game's lore. Klingon dates are discussed in the author's note.
The Cluros
OSS Cluros, Matron Atria D'blae's report, Year of Kahless 1032, Day 319, 15:00 hours Klingon Imperial Time:
Despite its age and apparent quirks - especially when it comes to the cloaking device - , the D-12 Class bird-of-prey Cluros has reached the Dragon's Head Nebula without incident. Thank the Thousand Gods!
I can now confirm the rumors of Starfleet activity in this area. Long-range sensors are tracking a Federation frigate - one of their Miranda-class ships - on the other side of the nebula. They have launched a shuttle at high warp to one of the planets inside the nebula. Commander Ursan has launched a recon probe to track the shuttle.
I must say I'm looking forward to seeing the results. While I agree with the Empress' assessment that the Starfleet presence in this sector does not warrant diverting our forces from helping the Klingons hold on to the Archanis Sector, it is nonetheless intriguing to imagine what could lure a Starfleet ship all the way out here. With luck, it'll be something we can turn to our advantage...
Aboard the Orion Syndicate bird-of-prey Cluros, Atria D'blae lounged seductively in the center seat of the bridge, which was deceptively difficult to do. The Klingons designed nothing for comfort, not even their commander's chair. Atria would almost rather stand, but Commander Ursan had generously offered her the chair to use as she observed the arrival of their first scouting probe inside the Dragon's Head Nebula. She didn't want to hurt his feelings: he was really such a dear sometimes. It probably helped that his sweet, addled head had been swimming in her pheromones for the better part of two years now.
She glanced languidly over to where he stood looking over his science officer's shoulders. He was tall, broad at the shoulder, and musclebound with skin such a dark shade of green it was almost black. One look at him and no one had to ask why his nickname was Ursan the Bear. He was as gentle as a kitten, though, in the right hands, Atria reflected with a smile.
"Rgsssarrr to Ursssan," said a voice from the commander's wrist communicator.
He swatted it absently. "Ursan here."
"The cloaking field regulatorrr isss leaking antiprotonsss again," said the voice of the ship's Gorn chief engineer, sounding even more like a snarl than it usually did. "I may have to disssable it in order to make repairsss."
Ursan's jaw clenched and his neck muscles tensed. "Take it offline, then, but be quick about it," he ordered, then closed the channel and swore under his breath in Low Kohlari, the base language of the Orion people.
Atria resisted the urge to join him and instead made herself relax even further in the center seat (or at least, appear to relax). Keep cluros, she reminded herself. There was a reason why she'd chosen that as the name of the ship. Cluros, roughly translated, meant serenity, or coolness. It was the ability to respond with a level-headed facade of good-humor and civility, even to blood enemies, and even in trying circumstances - especially in those. It was the cornerstone of higher Orion society...and it was something the OSS Cluros tried daily. Officially the decrepit bird-of-prey was "retired KDF military surplus on loan." Practically, that meant she was what humans would call a lemon. Her cloak was especially prone to malfunction, which Atria gathered was the reason why the KDF had pulled this bird-of-prey and all of her D-12 Class sister-ships from service almost sixty years ago. To this day, no Klingon would touch her, but with the war with the Federation in full swing and the need to augment the ship numbers of no less than three allied navies, the Klingons had been forced to pull even the Cluros out of the scrapyard and press it into service again. The Orion Syndicate for its part was still working on getting its own shipyards and designs into service, so it was in no position to be choosy when offered a free hull from the Klingons. The old D-12 was still functional in a technical - if not practical - sense, and thus it had found its way into service as scout and light raider under Ursan - and indirectly, under Atria, his handler for the Emerald Empress of the Syndicate. It was a frustrating duty to be sure, but the greater the frustration, the greater the need for cluros.
Atria idly keyed the comm on the center seat's armrest. "Atria to Rgsar, how severe is the antiproton leak?" she asked with apparent casualness.
Rgsar hissed articulately at first, anger apparent in his voice. The Gorn had no concept of cluros, and Rgsar had an almost Klingon penchant for violence when he was mad - which was why Atria tried to keep out of his way when things were malfunctioning on the ship, which was practically always. "It isss jussst underrrr 17 decigramsss," he answered at last.
"Per hour?"
"Perrr minute!" he roared, then closed the comlink.
It took effort for Atria to keep her eyes from going wide. That large of a leak went beyond a simple inconvenience to something which could potentially threaten the ship. Not to mention the fact that it's advertising our position to every other ship in the sector. She pursed her lips and turned toward the science station. "What's that Federation frigate doing?"
"They've altered course twice in the last hour," said Huraash, the science officer. "They've also been running regular long-range scans of this region."
They know that we're here, Atria interpreted. "Well, I don't see any reason for Rgsar to be in a rush. We know the Feds are here, and they know we're here. I see no reason to hide anything, do you, Ursan?"
He turned to her, then shrugged his muscles relaxing. "No, my lady," he said. "Inform Rgsar he's clear to take the cloak offline for as long as necessary to make full repairs."
She rewarded him with a smile and made sure the information got passed along. A shudder ran through her and the lights brightened as the cloak fell. Atria tried to take her mind off of how vulnerable they were without it. While the Cluros' shields and weapons were normally malfunction-free, they were also severely underpowered compared to more modern ships. And if they were forced to rely on them to defend themselves...
She pushed the worry aside and gave an exaggerated, sensual, stretch. There were other things to preoccupy herself with. "Ursan, dear, could I see the sensor telemetry from the probe?"
Ursan nodded and punched a command into the science station over Huraash's shoulder. The image of the nebula vanished from the main viewer, replaced with a red-and-black sensor readout on a planet inside its depths, one the Federation seemed to have taken particular interest in. They'd detected a Starfleet shuttle heading for it at maximum warp the moment they'd arrived. The readout did little to explain their interest, though. It was an M-class planet, mostly water...probably fabulous beaches. There were a lot of wrecks on the surface of course. That was to be expected. The Dragon's Head Nebula had been claiming its fair share of Orion pirates and their would-be prizes for the past few centuries. The shuttle was there, though, combing the unremarkable world with a tight search pattern. Clearly, they were looking for something: something very, very specific.
While she watched, the icon of the Starfleet shuttle blinked, brightening suddenly before returning to normal. "What was that?" Atria asked.
"A subspace differential pulse," said Ursan.
"They've been emitting them regularly," said Huraash. "They may be using them to enhance their scans."
Odd, Atria thought. That should only be necessary if they've encountered some kind of powerful subspacial interference. Unfortunately, that wasn't something the scout probe could determine. It's sensors weren't even powerful enough to do detailed sensor analysis of the planet under normal conditions.
Suddenly, a new string of symbols appeared on the display. "We're intercepting a transmission from the planet," Ursan said. "It's on a Starfleet emergency channel."
"How interesting," said Atria. "Let's hear it!"
"Mayday, mayday! This is Lieutenant Carlin Agran of the Federation Starship Nautilus! We are stranded on a planet inside the Dragon's Head Nebula. We need help, tactical assistance, and medical supplies. Please respond!" said a woman's voice. The voice began to repeat.
Another string of symbols appeared on the viewscreen, beside the first. "The shuttle is responding." said Huraash.
"This is Lieutenant-Commander Rejes Joslin of the Nautilus aboard Shuttlecraft Two," said the voice of another woman, more mature Atria thought. "It's good to hear your voice again, Lieutenant Agran! We've been searching the main island for almost an hour and we'd almost given up hope."
"A rescue mission." Atria huffed. "How boring."
Ursan listened for a moment longer, then motioned for Huraash to cut the bridge-wide audio. "They're just looking for the crew of another shuttle. I was hoping they were searching for something more...interesting as well," he admitted.
"It might not be a complete loss, Commander," said Gravazk, the Nausicaan tactical officer, standing in the rear of the bridge, near the tactical periscope. "After all, we still don't know why the Starfleet officers wound up stranded on the planet in the first place."
Ursan nodded slowly and turned back to Huraash, who had finished listening to the intercepted communications on his earpiece. "Any clues?"
The Orion science officer shook his head. "They mentioned that a group of hostile natives had taken two of their people hostage, but that was all."
"Maybe that's it - they came for the natives." Atria giggled. "A classic Federation blunder," she said. "Too eager to trust, too quick to be friends. I always knew it would come back to bite them eventually."
"Do you really think they came here to negotiate with the natives?" asked Ursan.
"I can think of no other reason, can you, my dear?"
The big Orion shook his head, but there were other dissenters, the Nausicaan for one. "The Federation must be truly desperate to come all the way to the Dragon's Head Nebula looking for allies," he said, his voice low and suspicious.
Atria did not let his doubt affect her, though she did reflect that it was somewhat unfortunate that Nausicaan biology was immune to Orion pheromones. It would have made Gravazk more agreeable by far. Instead, she reminded him of her experience. "You don't know the Federation like I do," she said. "Starfleet's hunger for eccentric new allies knows no bounds. I have it on good authority that one of their most celebrated captains once defied direct orders and started a war with the Son'a - all for the friendship of some puny pre-warp civilization living in the middle of the Briar Patch! What's more, the Federation Council supported him after it was over." She smirked. "If our dear Lieutenant Agran thought she could find a friend in the Dragon's Head Nebula, I'm sure Starfleet would risk the trip."
Suddenly, Huraash's console gave a low alert tone. The icons around the Federation shuttle took on a darker, more ominous hue and the Klingonese text scrolled by faster than Atria could read it. "What's going on?"
The science officer poured over his displays. "The Starfleet shuttle appears to be under attack."
"How is that possible?" Ursan demanded. "The only other ship in the area is the Federation frigate, and they're on the other side of the nebula!"
Atria swiveled the seat around. "Tactical!" she ordered.
Gravazk pulled down the tactical periscope and studied the readout. "The shuttle has taken multiple hits from ionic discharges," he reported. "No visible source."
"Could it be a cloaked ship?" suggested Rykar, the Orion helmsman.
"It would have to be capable of firing when cloaked," Atria pointed out. "Only two prototypes in all of history have been developed that had the ability to do that, and both were destroyed before the technology could be further developed."
"I've studied the accounts of both ships," said Ursan. "Both revealed themselves at least somewhat when they fired. We're not detecting anything like that here."
"The shuttle's close enough to the surface that it could be ground-fire," said Gravazk, poking his head out of the periscope. "If there are natives down there, maybe they have some sort of defense system on the planet."
"If that's the case, why haven't they attacked the shuttle before now?" asked Ursan.
"That may not be as important as what they're attacking with," said Huraash. He pressed a sequence into his console and a segment of text froze on the screen and enlarged.
This time, Atria could not keep her eyes from going wide as she read the display. "Is that what I think that is?"
"Polaric ion energy," said Huraash.
"Controlled, and weaponized," Ursan added. "Impressive."
Atria nodded. In fact, it was more than impressive, more than a discovery that could change a career or alter the course of a war. This was a discovery that could alter the course of civilization and empire in the quadrant, or even the galaxy at large. No one had ever successfully harnessed polaric energy. The Dominion had come the closest, but even their dreaded polaron weapons paled in comparison to the potential of true polaric ion energy. The Polaric Test Ban Treaty had prevented any of the major powers from researching polaric ions (and with good reason: polaric energy accidents were planetary in scale)...but if an isolated planet-bound civilization in the Dragon's Head Nebula was kind enough to do all the hard work of research and development for them, well, whoever managed to loot their secrets first would be the heir to unimaginable power. "No wonder the Federation is trying to cosy-up to these natives," she said.
"They're not being very successful," said Gravazk, looking through the periscope. "The shuttle has just been shot down."
"Survivors?" asked Ursan.
"Sensors indicate a final subspace differential pulse, followed by a Federation transporter signature," said Huraash. "They may have beamed down to the surface."
"That's the only place they could have gone," said Ursan. "The question is whether or not they made it."
"I'm not sure that matters," said Atria. "After all, there are other Starfleet survivors still on the surface."
"Do you think they'll find the source of the polaric energy?" asked Rykar.
"Not if we can help it," said Ursan.
Atria nodded. Already her dear Ursan was thinking along the right lines. "We can't allow Starfleet to beat us to the source of this polaric energy. We find out what they know about it and then either control it ourselves, or destroy it."
"We'll need to go to that planet first, and doing that will put us at risk of the same weapons system that downed the Starfleet shuttle," Gravazk pointed out.
"This ship is a lot tougher than a shuttle," said Ursan. "We'll make it."
He moved toward the center seat and Atria vacated it, grateful to no longer have to feign comfort in the blocky thing. "A very astute observation my dear," she complimented him. "In any case, a little caution wouldn't hurt, and the antiproton leak isn't going to give a precise enough position for targeting." She smiled. "I think the cloaking device can wait until this mission is over, don't you?"
Ursan smirked. "Rsgar will be furious, my lady, but it will be done." He sat in the chair and motioned forward. "Take us into the nebula!"
USS Nautilus, Captain's Log, Stardate 81630.53:
Captain Sokar recording. Our mission to find and rescue Commander Drel and his away team from the planet where they have crashed inside the Dragon's Head Nebula was technically a partial success, but practically a complete failure. Our second shuttle succeeded in receiving a distress signal from Lieutenant Agran, confirming that she and the other members of the first away team are still alive, though Lieutenant Hayashi and Doctor Mor have been captured by hostile survivors from previous crashes. However when Lieutenant-Commander Rejes took the second shuttle in to rescue Lieutenant Agran and Commander Drel, the shuttle was damaged by polaric ion discharges and crashed. Our preliminary analysis is that the shuttle was shot down by some kind of polaric ion-based weapons system, but how that can be the case is unknown. Scans of the point of origin for the polaric energy field indicated neither lifeforms nor any significant amounts of automation. Further analysis is required, a task I have taken upon myself.
I have ordered Lieutenant T'Paie to do everything she can to boost the power of our probe, which is still in orbit of the planet, and to enhance our own sensors. Not only is there the dilemma of our missing crewmen on the planet to resolve, there are also signs of a Klingon ship on the other side of the nebula. We must exercise extreme caution.
Captain Sokar sat in his ready room, pouring over sensor readouts on his desktop viewer. The door chimed. "Enter," he said, without looking up from the screen.
The doors parted to admit a short, robust Vulcan woman, T'Paie, Nautilus' Chief Engineer and (in the absence of Commander Drel and Lieutenant-Commander Rejes) acting first officer. Naturally, if the position gave her any pleasure or anxiety, she did not show it. If it were possible, her control of her emotions was even stronger than Sokar's own. She strode efficiently to his desk and presented a large PADD. "The latest sensor analysis from the probe is complete," she said simply.
Sokar accepted the PADD and looked over its contents. He raised an eyebrow. "You ran a Level 4 subspacial resonance spectrum scan?"
"That is correct, sir," said T'Paie.
"Impressive work, Lieutenant," he said. He meant it. According to engineering specifications of the probe, it wasn't supposed to be capable of anything more powerful than a Level 2 scan, and while Sokar was well aware that engineers tended to keep their specifications conservative, this went beyond simply calling on the hardware's untapped potential. She would have had to rewrite half of the operating system, he mused. Very impressive. He wondered, and not for the first time, how an officer of T'Paie's caliber had managed to avoid promotion all these years.
But the question could wait. For now, he turned his attention to the results of the scan. "Fascinating," he said. "Fascinating, and yet, disturbing."
"It does demonstrate that our initial theories about the origin of the discharges were...misguided," said T'Paie.
Sokar nodded absently. "Those were tentative hopes at best. There was never much chance that the transporter or the subspace differential pulses from the shuttle set off the discharges," he said. "The logical alternative was that either the discharges were completely natural or else artificially generated: targeted and weaponized."
T'Paie nodded. "The scan confirms the latter possibility. Point-zero-three-one microseconds before each discharge, a pulse of polaric energy traveled through this subspace conduit, exiting at the exact location of the shuttlecraft, where it triggered the ionic discharge."
"The scan reveals more than that," Sokar said. He linked the PADD to his viewer and punched in a sequence of buttons, combining the data from the scan with another set of data on file. He turned the viewer so T'Paie could see it. "The subspace conduits form a network covering the entire planet and reaching out into space, one resonance level deeper than the spiral pattern Ensign McKensey observed. Notice their form, joining, branching, spreading."
"It resembles an organic structure," said T'Paie.
"A bioneural structure," said Sokar. "Similar to those of our own species, Betazoids, and other telepathic races."
Now it was T'Paie's turn to raise an eyebrow. "Are you implying that the discharges are controlled by something - or someone's - mind?"
"When we eliminate the impossible, whatever remains - no matter how unlikely - must be true," he said.
T'Paie cocked her head, then gave a slight nod. "Your logic is sound." She studied the display. "The center of the subspace conduit network is here, in the same structure where the spiral form was observed to originate. There can be no doubt that whoever controls this polaric energy is there."
"And yet, when Shuttlecraft Two surveyed that area, they found no lifesigns and no indication of automation," said Sokar. "They could not even detect a power source."
"Fascinating," said T'Paie.
"Indeed," said Sokar.
There was a moment of silence as both Vulcans contemplated the implications of their discovery, then T'Paie pointed to the conduits branching into space. "Sir, these conduits could be used to deliver substantial amounts of polaric ion energy into the surrounding star system. Given enough power, the range might even be extended to the boarder of the nebula itself. If similar levels of polaric ion energy were to appear in the nebula as were released on our shuttlecraft, it could allow whoever controlled it to direct ion storm activity in the area. It might even be possible to create storms."
Sokar nodded. "In theory, it is an extremely potent weapon, and yet, we know nothing of the one who commands it. Lieutenant Toban has directed hails on all frequencies toward the structure, and has met with no response."
"At this point, I believe it is safe to assume their intentions are hostile," said T'Paie. "They have already destroyed two of our shuttles."
"And yet to our knowledge they have not killed any of our people. The fact that there are survivors from previous crashes likewise seems to indicate that - though they may be hostile - they do not intend to kill."
"Perhaps they mean to take hostages," T'Paie suggested.
"To what purpose?" asked Sokar.
T'Paie was about to answer, when Sokar's combadge chimed. "Astrometrics to Captain!"
Sokar tapped the badge. "Sokar here," he said.
"That Klingon ship we've been monitoring decloaked for a few minutes. We got a pretty good look at her," said the voice of Ensign Mark Delaney. "She's a bird-of-prey alright: D-12 class. Her transponder code is Orion."
T'Paie raised an eyebrow. "Sir, if I recall correctly, the D-12 class was withdrawn from service approximately 53 years ago, due to a design flaw in the cloaking device's plasma coils, among other things."
"Fascinating," said Sokar. "This may be an indication that our enemy is more desperate for ships than previously believed." That in itself was a relief to know. Combined with the fact that even the Miranda-class had a D-12 bird-of-prey seriously outgunned, the discovery almost tempted Sokar to smile...almost.
He did not smile, though. Given the gravity of the situation with their lost crewmembers, he doubted even a non-Vulcan would have smiled. "What is the Orion ship's current position?" he asked instead.
"It's difficult to say, sir," said Delaney. "They cloaked again just a few minutes ago. They're still leaking a lot of antiprotons, though. Judging from the trail, I'd say they're heading into the nebula. Our preliminary course estimates have them heading toward the M-class planet."
That was a sobering discovery. "Continue to monitor their course and notify me of any changes," he instructed, then tapped his combadge. "Sokar out."
"There are only two possible reasons why they could be going to the planet," said T'Paie, once the channel was closed. "Either they witnessed the latest shuttle crash and wish to capture the survivors as prisoners of war, or else they have detected the polaric ion energy and are attempting to investigate. Neither possibility bodes well for our away teams."
"Your logic is sound, as always," said Sokar, leaning back in his chair. "However, knowing the potential power and danger of whoever or whatever presently controls the polaric ions, we cannot enter the nebula ourselves. To do so would be to put this ship and everyone aboard in serious jeopardy."
"And yet if we do not, the jeopardy of the away team can only be greater," said T'Paie.
"Logic dictates that the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few," said Sokar. "Nevertheless, there is hope we can turn this situation to our advantage. While substantially weaker, the D-12's defensive capabilities are roughly comparable to our own. If they are able to survive long enough to reach the planet and retrieve our away team or the source of the polaric energy, we will know that our estimation of the potential danger was incorrect and we will be free to pursue them into the nebula. There are several possible intercept courses from this side, and I will be sure Lieutenant Toban has one plotted and laid in."
"And if they are destroyed, as our shuttles were?"
Sokar closed his eyes for a moment, then looked up. "If that occurs, we will know that we would be destroyed as surely as they, and that any attempt on our part to enter the nebula and rescue our away team would only make their plight more severe. If that is the case, there will be nothing further we can do for Commander Drel and the others. They will be on their own..."
Author's Note: We're given a few glimpses of Klingon timekeeping throughout Star Trek (the year of Kahless system and its months, TNG: "New Ground" and DS9:"Soldiers of the Empire"), but not enough to draw up a definitive system, so I made my own. From the correspondence of Klingon dates to human dates, we know the year length differs by 1.6 Earth days or less (this information from the Memory Beta page on the Klingon year) and that the years of Kahless start around 1375 AD. The Hayes Owners Manual for the B'rel-Class Bird-of-Prey (yes, there is such a thing: you can buy it on Amazon, and it is awesome) states that Klingon days are divided into three six-hour shifts (which the game seems to support, since a line of dialogue in the Klingon tutorial mentions that the player character, who has just been relieved, will be expected back on duty in 6 hours). This would give a day length of 18 hours. Assuming Klingon years are 366 Earth-days long (which is within the acceptable margin of difference), and that their ship's use the same day-length as their calendar (which seems logical), the Klingon year would be 488 Qo'noS-days long. The DS9 episode "Soldiers of the Empire" establishes the date as the 53 day of the Klingon year, and takes place between Stardates 50712.5 and 50814.2 (Sept 26, 2373 and Nov 5 of the same). Going with the random date of October 15th at 09:00 hours (so that both the 15th of October and the 53 day of the Klingon year start at the same moment), this gives us enough information to calculate the start of the Klingon year in 2373 as midnight on September 5th.
Given all of these assumptions, calculating the Klingon date for this chapter isn't too difficult. 2407 is 34 years after 2373. That's 12,683 Earth-days (including the leftover time in 2373 and 2407, between "Soldiers of the Empire" and "Survivors of Yamatai") or 16,911 Qo'noS days. That makes it 34.62 Klingon years after the end of the 998th year of Kahless. Thus, Year of Kahless 1032, Day 319, at 1500 hours is what corresponds to May 29, 2407, at 0900 hours. Klingon calendar complete! I might throw random months in there later, but I figure the crew of the OSS Cluros is going to be too lazy and Orion to keep track of such things.
Speaking of the Cluros, "OSS" stands for Orion Syndicate Ship and is a registry available in Star Trek Online (for Orion ships, predictably enough). Cluros is the primary code of Orion culture, as presented on Memory Beta, and it does roughly mean serenity, which makes the ship-name Cluros an intentional pun on the Serenity from Firefly, since both ships are somewhat malfunction-prone vessels that (in a nicer 'verse) would have been retired years ago. The only on-screen example of a D-12 bird-of-prey that we see is the one used by the Duras sisters in Star Trek: Generations, and it had a periscope (which was a really cool prop - kind of silly, but really cool, too!). The choice to field a D-12 against the Nautilus and make it an Orion vessel with a hodge-podge crew is in part a result of where I see the metastory of the Klingon-Federation War at this point. At this point, two years into the war, I imagine that the Klingons are in pretty severe need of ships and are beginning to lose for want of them. Before the war began, they had just fought a costly war with the Gorn and then invested a significant amount of effort trying to get them back on their feet (both the Gorn fleet and their ship-building infrastructure would have been badly damaged). In addition to them, the Klingons would have the Orion Syndicate and the Nausicaans clamoring for ships to help in the war while lacking the infrastructure to build much of them themselves (Nausicaan ships are never seen or alluded to in any series after Enterprise; ditto Orion ships after the Original Series. Since the Orion Syndicate and the Nausicaans both spent most of their time leading up to the events of Star Trek Online as criminal organizations and mercenary toughs respectively, neither would have had a need for serious military ship-building capabilities prior to the war). But don't worry: I won't be ending the war early; the Klingons will make a comeback!
Atria's bit about the Son'a and the Briar Patch is a reference to Star Trek: Insurrection. In the canon, there is no obvious connection between polarons and polaric ions except for similar names. I decided there should be, as it would explain why Dominion technology initially struck the Federation and its allies as impossibly advanced, and it also explains other things that will fall in place later in the story.
Lieutenant T'Paie has been a rather overlooked character. I wanted to give her some more "screen-time." Plus, seeing two Vulcans interact is always kind of fun (not that the Vulcans understand it).