Author's Note: Thank you to all who have read thus far! And thank you to all who will continue to read!
"How do you sodding do it?!" River demanded, throwing down the controller and scowling at him, arms crossed. "You don't even like guns, you don't even know how to use them -"
The Doctor's impish grin was maddening. "I've had centuries to practice, dear. But if you really want a rematch..."
"Centuries to practice, yes, and I was willing to accept that as an explanation for every ruddy version of Pokémon, Super Smash Brothers, Sonic, Kirby, Spyro, Mario Kart, even sodding Minecraft but - Doctor! This is Halo, Doctor, Halo!"
"You're just mad because I'm better than you at the rooty-tooty-point-and-shooty," he sniffed smugly. "I'm pretty good at Call of Duty too."
She was positive she was going to have an aneurysm soon if somebody didn't fix everything that was wrong with this entire scenario.
"Want a rematch?" her husband suggested. "I'll go easy on you if you want."
"Absolutely not. We're playing again but don't you dare go easy on me." An idea was starting to form in her mind. She HAD to win. And if she played her cards right, she absolutely would. "Just let me go get a snack first?"
He nodded, ridiculously floppy fringe bouncing. "Okay!"
This was going to be fun...
oOo
When she walked back in, hips swinging perhaps a bit more than normal, she pressed her lips together to keep from smirking at the expression on his face. "Something the matter, Sweetie?"
"What are you wearing?" he squeaked.
"Borrowed a shirt from you." She smiled innocently. "I'm ready to play now."
"But - but - River - where are your pants?"
"The top left drawer, love; we've been over this," River told him. "Do you mind if I sit somewhere else for this one?"
"Er -" He blinked, obviously trying to recover quickly. "Well, if you really think it'll help you..."
"I'm quite sure it will, thank you." With that, she plopped down in his lap, grabbing her controller again and squirming a bit.
Just to get comfortable, of course.
His startled squeaks were exactly the reaction she was hoping for. "River! I - you're - I can't see anything!" he spluttered, flailing behind her.
"Mm. What a shame. Shall we start now?"
"But - but I can't see!"
She made a point of shifting positions, innocently asking, "Is that better?"
He grumbled something unintelligibly but nodded anyway.
There was absolutely no way in the universe he would win this time.
oOo
Four hours.
Four. Sodding. Hours.
She was at three percent health. Somehow, he was still at forty-seven percent. And, as he kept complaining, he couldn't even see the damn screen. With a huff she shifted, leaning back against him sullenly as she analyzed her options.
Technically, if she could get close enough, she could blow them both up, but she was pretty sure that wouldn't count as winning, and that was the whole point...
"I'm still winning," he whispered, a touch of smugness in his voice.
"Yes, I noticed." She smirked. "And yet you don't seem to think anything is slightly... unfair."
Her husband tilted his head slightly as his character blasted open a set of doors. "Um, you mean that I'm better than y-"
"You're wearing pants," she cut him off, because he absolutely was not better than she was at this. He was just - just really lucky or something.
"Erm... yes, yes I am... why does that matter...?"
"If you'll recall," she purred, "I'm not. Perhaps you should take yours off too, just to be fair."
He blushed, eyes flicking down for a brief second.
On the screen, she threw a grenade and ran for what her last three percent were worth.
"And now I win." She smirked, kissing his cheek and getting up. "You look a little uncomfortable, Sweetie..."
"I'm, uh," he squeaked, "I'm j-just going to - er - shower -"
As soon as he ran out the door, River grinned.
"Time for a victory dance, I think!"