Shizuru massaged her temples and lowered her head. She knew the situation was totally turning against her. She was afraid of what would happen next, she was afraid of the future, and more precisely not having a future with Natsuki… the person who was her everything… the reason she was alive… she felt deep inside that she was losing her… the brunette told her that was pregnant? But who is the father? Will she leave her for real? Was she already too late? There was not another chance? Why was she a coward not to express her feelings? Yes, she was simply afraid of rejection… she did not care about other but only about one person…
It was bad, her vision was troubled, she shook her burning head, she wanted to cry… she never showed her weakness to anyone. And Kruger noticed her strange behavior. She could see her lies.
From the outside, Viola seemed strong, invincible but now, she could not hide it anymore all her flaws. She needed to fight back and not to run away like she used to do… she wanted to be happy too, to have a family, children, a wife even a dog and a house with a garden…and all that with her love of her life…
She loved so much her best friend, but she hid a deep secret and not about her masculine part… no, there was something more… something she wanted to forget… and that was the main problem.
She had taken her day off after her discussion with Natsuki, she could no longer play comedy and throw herself into the work as she had become accustomed to. She had thought about resigning, traveling around the world, throwing everything behind her, she was wealthy, so she won't have a problem with money. Yet, she could not bring herself to leave Natsuki behind. No, she will never leave her. She did not want her to cry because of her…
She had hints for them to go on an adventure, but it was not in the projects of the brilliant lawyer and now, it was complicated with the baby…
"Miss Fujino? Are you OK?" The named snapped from her thoughts, she was in the hospital and the doctor seemed to be surprised to see the proud and busy judge. She stood up and met the doctor.
"Doctor…, I am not fine …. Not at all… it worse than before… I am afraid to be too late… but… I change my mind, I want to fight back. I don't want to die soon without doing anything…"
"Did you really change your mind? The last time we talk you did not want any surgery, chemotherapy or radiotherapy. I can force you Shizuru like you previously said. If you want to fight, it's not to give up after you change your mind, it's not a simple cold. Your mind and motivation are also a way to cure you." Viola bit her lip, yes, when she discovered her sickness, she was utterly shocked. She did not to believe it, it was a nightmare that she wanted to escape. But reality showed she could not avoid it no matter what. Days, months passed. It became unbearable even if she stayed smiling and unruffled. But when she was alone, she suffered martyrdom, she was struggling to eat properly, she had nausea, her headaches were so strong, she could barely drive or read. She often stayed in the dark because the light hurt her vision.
"Yes…I realize that I did not want to die this way… I don't want to give up or thinking I could enjoy the rest of my life without thinking about future… I have a reason to fight, I always did but I was afraid not to be strong enough… I am fed up to be so weak, to have memories loss… they became worse… I can't remember what I have done yesterday… I need it to write it in my organizer… everything…" Shizuru closed her eyes, the pain in her head was unbearable. She wanted to shout and curl up in a ball to cry.
"And you already have other symptoms than headaches, haven't you? We should talk about all the options. Shizuru we should go to my office and see how the brain tumor evolves." The Kyoto-Ben touched her nose… it was bleeding… it was not the first time, she took a tissue in her tailor's jacket. She wiped it when she sniffled.
"Okay."
"Did you talk to your loved ones about your brain tumor?" The doctor asked when she entered to her office with her patient. Shizuru sat on the chair. Every time she heard that horrible word, it made her situation unavoidable...
"No, and I don't intend to do it."
"Miss Fujino it's not a good idea to keep everything for yourself..."
"No, it's my own problem, I will fix it myself, I won't change my mind. Nobody will know about my... brain tumor. Never."