Kakashi gets the update on Gai's health the way he usually gets his information; he wheedles it out of someone. In this case it's Sakura, who's always been kind of a pushover when it comes to his charm – well, maybe that hasn't exactly been true ever since she turned fifteen and started giving him that look sometimes. Anyway, she tells him quickly enough this time, after just a little hinting and prodding during his own routine health check.

"You know how it is… because of the gates," she says accusingly. "He's in pain, but there's only so much we can give him if we don't want to damage his liver and kidneys too severely. Not that that might matter all that much… with his heart being what it is." She dips her head to stare at her clipboard in pretend concentration and her hair catches the light, giving it that bright pink cotton candy glow.

He knows then that she has stopped thinking about Gai and has moved on to Lee instead. Lee, who, for years, used the same disastrous technique Gai did, and who as a consequence might someday find himself in the same position as his sensei. Sakura worries about that more than she worries about Gai, whose only weight lies in the way his death might affect Lee and therefore her family. Kakashi can't blame her for this.

"We're all getting older," he says. He tries for a light tone, but he can practically hear it fall flat. There's a cottony taste in his mouth. The truth is that he doesn't feel all that different; maybe he gets tired a little earlier than he used to – maybe—

Sakura taps her pen against her clipboard mechanically. "You're fine, sensei. You're fit for field duty. It's different for Gai-sensei. He might not—"

The way she bites her tongue tells him that he has gotten older. He's let the shock show on his face. His eye has widened and Sakura has seen into his heart. She looks away. So does he. The tiles on the floor are grey and worn; the one under his right foot is chipped and missing a corner.

She lets him go soon after. With a smile and a wave that reminds him of the little girl she no longer is.

Was it mercy that made her stop or cruelty? How would that sentence have ended? Kakashi's mind walks over rusty spikes of He might not have long. He might have a year. He might die soon. He might be gone by next week.

He tells himself he's being a melodramatic old fool, but there's a voice in his head that mocks him for his naiveté.

It's not panic that leads him to Gai's place, merely a dull sense of guilt.

The knowledge that inside Gai will be puttering around by himself since he is a stubborn old bastard who refuses to let anyone help him, who will pretend to be fine whenever other people are around, but will have to lean heavily on whatever piece of furniture is close and bite back moans of pain whenever he thinks himself unobserved. Of course, they've all figured it out by now, even Lee.

Gai has always been bad at keeping secrets.

Just as Kakashi climbs in through the bedroom window, he hears one of those pained moans coming from the kitchen. It's where he finds Gai, hands splayed on the kitchen counter, bracing himself against the agony.

Sunlight flows in freely from the small window behind Gai, giving him a glow, making him look fuzzy, unreal, as if a single blink would be enough to wipe him away.

This is the cold certainty with which Kakashi has been living his whole life; the knowledge that everyone he cares about will eventually be taken away from him.

He swallows that knowledge like a bitter pill, but it sticks in his throat somewhere; it feels huge and slimy; it chokes him up to the point where tears are starting to well up in his eye. Old age has made him weak; that's the only explanation.

"Kakashi? What are you doing here?" Gai's head can still snap around, his brows can still lift in surprise and furrow in annoyance; he can still sense Kakashi's presence like a hound. Under his salt and pepper bangs his eyes narrow to slits.

"Nothing. I was in the neighborhood." Kakashi shoves his hands into his pockets. Hidden from view they clench into fists. The bottom of his stomach has dropped below his knees.

Gai doesn't want him here. He doesn't want Kakashi to see him. He knows—

He knows.

Time is coagulating between them. It's becoming a solid object.

An insurmountable wall.

And it tears Kakashi apart to know that in the end, when Gai is too weak to keep up the charade, they will be left with nothing but bitterness and silence.

A.N.: at one point I was going to write Kakashi and Gai get together when they're older fic, but well.