Note: I don't think I've mentioned this yet, but this story is set in 2016. Reasons for this will be clarified in further chapters. But there is a minor hint in this one pointing to it.

Chapter 8

No one could ever know me

No one could ever see me

Seems you're the only one who knows what it's like to be me

~ I'll Be There For You - The Rembrandts

Sunday dawned on me with a splittting headache in tow. I couldn't even see straight as I sat up, trying to untangle myself from the sheets. Having managed it somehow, I hurried over to the bathroom to brush my teeth and wasted no time hunting down the pack of Nurofen from the bottom of the dresser. After swallowing two pills - for good measure - I headed out of the bedroom, only to be interrupted by a sudden thought.

Was Sirius still here?

I hadn't forgotten the previous night - hard not to when you've got such a painful reminder but that's another issue - and I wondered if he'd went back home or kipped on the sofa. My question was answered soon enough when I found him sprawled out on said sofa, with a mug in hand. Sirius looked so relaxed and perfectly at ease as he sipped his coffee - judging by the aroma - that one would think he lived here. I stifled a laugh at the thought of having him as a flatmate - I couldn't decide if it would be like living with a friend or an annoyingly-enthusiastic alarm clock. I suppose I must've made some sort of noise though, because Sirius' head whipped around so fast, it was almost a blur. As soon as he caught sight of me standing there, he started to choke on his drink.

"Wha-what are you doing here?" he spluttered amidst coughs, placing the mug on the table.

I frowned.

"I live here actually..."

"No. I meant what are you doing up so early? Its only-" He checked his watch before continuing. "...06:38. Bit early for you, isn't it?"

Huh. Well, that was a first.

I hadn't bothered to check the time in my haste to find the pills so it really did come as a surprise to me - I never got out of bed before 8 on a Sunday. Ever. Bloody hangover.

I shrugged.

"Headache woke me up," I said, making my way over to the kitchen.

Ten minutes later, I was sat in the chair by the window, sipping tea. Only about halfway into the mug though, I noticed Sirius watching me warily.

"What?"

"Nothing!"

With a sigh, I placed my mug on the table.

"I'm fine now."

"I know that," he said quickly.

"Then why're you watching me like that?"

Sirius simply shrugged.

"It's nothing."

I almost rolled my eyes at the blatant lie.

"I'm not going to cry or anything. I'm feeling a lot better," I said, looking at him.

The wary look was back.

"You remember then? What-" He cleared his throat before continuing. "What happened last night? Everything?"

Oh, ofcourse. He wanted to know about that.

"I promised I'd tell you, didn't I? I'm not going to go back on it."

Sirius' eyes widened just for a moment as something akin to surprise flashed across his face. It was gone in a second though, replaced by a thoughtful look.

"Good, good. That's a good...decision," he said, frowning down at his hands resting on his lap.

I reached for the mug and took another sip of tea before speaking.

"You thought I'd throw a big fit and refuse to talk. Didn't you?" I guessed, eyeing him shrewdly.

"Hmm..." Sirius nodded absentmindedly before finally looking up. "What? No! No, I didn't think that. I just-" He ran a hand through his hair. "I thought you'd have forgotten," he finished.

His eyes told a different story though; while his face was sincere, those grey orbs were clearly conflicted. Almost as if he didn't want to tell me the whole truth. Probably in an attempt to spare my feelings.

The thought almost made me smile. I can be a very considerate bloke when I want to be he'd said last night...

Deciding to let it go, I just nodded once before getting up to put the mugs away and make breakfast.

Since I knew that cereal was not an option - considering the face Sirius had made the last time I'd asked - I decided to brave the cooking and make eggs and toast instead. I made sure to warn him first of my limited skill in the kitchen though. That finally got him smiling again.

"Don't worry. I'll help you," he reassured with a pat on my hand.

I raised a an eyebrow questioningly.

"Do YOU know how to cook then?"

He raised an eyebrow right back at me.

"Eggs are hardly what you'd call 'cooking', Reyna. How are you working in a diner without even knowing that?" Sirius asked in a mock-serious tone.

I shot him a glare

"That's not what I asked," I said as I placed a pan on the stove.

"Fine, then. To answer your question, yes. I do." I must have looked pretty gobsmacked at that admission for he quickly added, "Nothing fancy, mind you. Just your basic things."

I shrugged, pouring the oil.

"Good enough for me. That's a lot more than what I know anyway."

Sirius just shook his head in amusement.

"Who let you move out on your own again?"

"It wasn't much of a choice really." I said softly. Sirius opened his mouth, probably to apologise but not wanting to spoil the mood, I continued ahead. "I always meant to move out in time for college though. That's part of why I got a job at a diner - free lunch or dinner, depending on the shift."

"Why didn't you just room with one of your mates then?" Sirius asked, nudging me out of the way to start the eggs and bacon. I grabbed the bread and moved to the toaster instead, trying to contribute something. How embarrassing would it be if HE ended up making the breakfast at MY house?

"Because, one, I didn't know anyone when I moved here. Two, if I moved now, it would be a a shitload of hassle. Three, well..." I took a deep breath. "It would be really hard to explain why I go mad and get myself pissed every once in a while."

There was a long moment of silence where the only sound was the crackling of the frying eggs. Sirius was the one who finally broke it.

"What happened last night, Reyna?" He asked, his voice gentle as he placed a hand over one of mine that was gripping the counter.

"I had...an episode."

"Episode?"

I nodded, before looking up at him. Concern and confusion were both etched on his face.

"Yeah, that's what it's called. It's these things I get where my head feels like it's going to explode. I..." I faltered before taking another deep breath as Sirius squeezed my hand in encouragement. "I'm bipolar."

There was a pause as Sirius' brows knitted in a frown.

"I'll admit I don't know much about it. But...that's why you got drunk last night?"

I nodded.

"How long?" he asked, his voice low.

"Four, nearly five years."

Sirius just nodded and gave my hand a squeeze before turning to flip the eggs.

We didn't speak until breakfast was ready (I suspected that Sirius was giving time to get myself together). And once it was done, we ate in silence, save for maybe one or two passing comments. When that was over as well, I piled all the dishes together and set about to wash them. Suddenly, a hand reached over to grab the dishcloth hanging over my shoulder. My eyes jerked up in surprise only to see him grinning at me.

"You wash, I'll rinse and dry," Sirius said in his usual easy-going way, as if nothing new had happened at all.

My lips tugged upward in an answering smile and I replied with a, "Fine, then," before turning to the dishes.

"So...five years?" Sirius asked suddenly.

If I'd thought that having this conversation while washing dishes would make it harder or something, I was wrong - it was actually easier by a miniscule amount. I still wasn't very comfortable talking about it but most of my usually-present hesitation was...well, not really present. Ofcourse, that might have something to do with the fact that I was out of options, but I wasn't complaining.

I snapped out of my internal rambling to give him an answering shrug.

"And...you didn't get treatment or anything?" Though it was obvious by the way he spoke that this was something way out of his depth, something suddenly seemed to occur to him. "Hang on, I thought you said you're a Pychology student, yeah? Shouldn't you know? To...I dunno, get help?"

"It's a heck of a lot more complicated than that, Sirius," I replied with a sigh, my mind drifting to the memories I tried to keep bottled up.

"Try me," he said.

It was so...foreign to me, the concept of talking about this. And to be honest, I didn't know where to start; it didn't really have a definite beginning after all. And I told him that.

"It doesn't really have a starting. It just sort of...did. I dunno, I didn't really know what it was because it's always kind of been there all along."

And as I spoke, I felt myself remembering those moments all over again.

"I guess it started out innocently enough. I was quite a bright child - all creative and cheerful and curious about everything and all that. My parents were so happy and they put me into music training and all these things really young and I was actually really into those stuff, so it was great...atleast until I was 12. And then, it all just changed."

As the words left my mouth, I even found myself remembering the exact year, 2009 to be precise, when everything fell to shambles.

"I wasn't happy anymore, my grades started slipping and the curiosity morphed into a sort of mania that started taking over and buggered up my mind. I started thinking too much; about anything and everything, and all at once. They - the thoughts - never left my mind alone. They were always, ALWAYS, with me. Even when I was sleeping.

"It didn't bother me at first mainly because I hadn't noticed that something had changed. I always thought too much anyway and so, it didn't seem any different. But it WAS different. And that was around the time I started feeling depressed... I didn't really acknowledge that one either so it went on like this for maybe...3 years before it got much worse.

"The thing that really set it off was something really simple - a move. Moving out of London, into Wolverhampton. That set it off. And then, it was just pure chaos. Sometimes I'd be mad enough to want to kill. And other times I'd be so happy that I can't see straight. I even tried to tell my parents but I suppose they couldn't...understand. So, I found another way - the alcohol. I took it from the cellar one day and I just drank it. It numbed my head until I couldn't think straight. And since I couldn't think straight, my mind didn't latch on to a hundred things to be happy about or a thousand things to be sad about."

A wry smile graced my lips as I talked about alcohol. It was always bittersweet. It shut down the thoughts but it always increased the mood swings until they switched back and forth in an ultradian pace that was too fast for me to even notice. They weren't as intense as...say, a full-blown episode, but they were still there. And I had to fight my hardest to keep myself in the normal zone.

"I needed the alcohol desperately so I had to make friends to get them. Because I was 15 at that time and I couldn't get it by myself, you see. I went to parties, got pissed, nicked a few bottles to bring home and then did it all over again. I never even tried to be a proper friend - or anything beyond a drinking buddy - to any of those people, for both our sakes. I dunno after that - if drinking really made the difference - but I slowly got better. I was able to toe the line inbetween the extremes. After awhile, I even got around to maintaining it longer. And I read A LOT. I also spent a ton of time with the music. You know those books I gave you? I reread them alot at that time. I still do, even now.

"When my parents died and I moved back here and I met Del, I knew I couldn't be a recluse anymore. I had to...revise my boundaries I guess. But I found that I could have friends without actually telling them about this part of me."

I shut the faucet as the last of the dishes was done. Turning around, I leaned heavily against the sink and tried to focus on the tree outside as I attempted to put my thoughts into words.

"I am...such a sick person, you know? Because everyday, I do a great job at pretending I'm all normal...and I don't even know how I do it or where it's coming from, but I do it really well. I can keep it up for weeks at times but the worst part of it...that always comes back."

The hands I'd been wringing suddenly reached up and twisted themselves into my hair of their own accord.

"There's this...this...darkness in me, Sirius. I dunno what to call it but it's there. And if I get angry, I want to cause as much hurt as I possibly can. If I'm happy, I want the whole world to laugh along with me. And I want so much, so many things. I want to help people and I want to make music and I want friends and I want to believe in all my hopes. But then, there are times when I wish everything would just burn up...and go up in flames or something..and everything just ceases to exist. I'm like, 'Fuck everything! I can be something great...but what of it? There's too much bad in me to do any good.' " I confessed, the agitation descending into a resigned calm. My voice was quiet when I spoke again.

"But I still have to try, you know? I can't just give up and go sit in a rubber room or...or take medicines that shut everything down and make me numb. Because, that's what they do to me. They make me numb. And I'd rather be mad and still know, still BE who I am...than be sane and have nothing of that. It's stupid but it's important to me."

I suddenly let out a laugh as I recalled something.

"You know, I...er, always wanted to be a hero when I was younger...fight in a war for a good cause and all that. I guess this is God's way of giving me a chance to fight. Then maybe one day, I'll be a hero..." I finished with another small chuckle.

I pushed my hair back from my face to look up at Sirius' face. He had been listening quite intently for about an hour and his face didn't reveal anything.

"You must think I'm bonkers... I actually dunno why I'm telling this to YOU right now, of all people. I reckon maybe its because from what I know of you, in the books I mean, you might be the only person who can understand... even just a little bit. I know you aren't really the same person right now but...I dunno. Maybe I'm still sort of hoping you'd understand."

I wanted very much to look away from his face but those grey eyes held mine with painful intensity. After a long stretch of silence though, I couldn't take it. I looked down at my hands again for a moment, before speaking once more.

"I'd understand if you don't want to be friends anymore. It's why I haven't really talked about it to anyone after all. I know you've got enough problems of your own as it is with your memories and all that. And you don't have to put up with mine. I'm really sorry. We could just-"

It was as far as I got before Sirius' hands were on my shoulder - that's twice now a part of me noted absently - turning me around to face him. I peered up at him uncertainly only to see that determined expression from the night before on his face once again.

"Stop apologising - there's nothing to apologise for." His voice wasn't angry but it was firm. His eyes bored into mine as he spoke. "And just how big of a heartless bastard do you think I am? You said you knew me, right? Atleast in books, you did. And if you could trust 'That me' to understand, then why don't you trust that This me can too?"

"But-"

"No, no. Just hold on for one fucking minute." He held up a hand to silence me. "I may have forgotten. Or got my brain switched, or got into an accident...anything. But I don't think I'd ever be the git who abandons his friends. And I don't think you're mad, I think you're brave. I think of you as my friend. I don't know about you - since time seems important to you and you keep saying it's only been two weeks and all that - but I consider you a very good friend. I haven't had any real friends so far, atleast not here, but I do know that friends are supposed to help each other out. You are already helping me out aren't you? I plan to return the favour."

He exhaled deeply, his voice softer when he continued. "I'm not going to think any less of you because of this, okay? I'm not going to treat you differently and I'm certainly not going to just go. I can't do that. We both have problems. We're friends - and, we'll deal with it together, yeah?"

"I..." I was suddenly overcome with emotions. I couldn't believe he'd be so understanding when we barely even knew each other (he was right - I did think that a lot). But then I realised that I'd forgotten for a moment, just who he actually was.

He was Sirius Black - the man who had loved his best friend like a brother. He would've done anything for James Potter, and he did do everything he could for his son...all because of that friendship. The one I had come to know might be a different Sirius from the one I knew; this was someone younger, someone who didn't know the friends he would've died for, someone who didn't remember the hardships of Azkaban. But even with all those changes, this Sirius was just as good a bloke as the one I'd only known in brief pages and words. I'd thought some of that might've been lost with the memories, but I was so, so wrong.

"...I-yeah. We will." I finally said, a very watery yet, very genuine smile appearing on my face.

That was the moment that Sirius Black became my friend. Not just as a label but in the truest sense of the word. Maybe it was a predetermined friendship. Or maybe it was just God feeling sorry for me (or him maybe, I dunno). Or maybe it really was just chance. But whatever it was, I was glad to have ran into him that fateful August 13 (though according to Sirius, time didn't mean much and I agreed that it was true).

Oh, and I grew to appreciate the Friends song more too.

I'll be there for you...'Cause you're there for me too...

Because that was true as well.

AN: Hey there, chums! I guess I've been a bit nostalgic about old TV shows, hence the Friends reference. Update was really late this time cause RL has been a bitch lately. Still, I hope this chapter was to your liking. I've tried my best to put Bipolar Disorder into words and I hope I did it well. It was hard since I am a sufferer myself and it was kinda too close to home. But anyways, I really do promise to try and speed up the updates. Also, I really loved getting reviews. They made me really happy - so happy that I freaked out (in a good way) and ended up stepping on my younger brother's toy car and breaking it. But I love reviews so pleeeeeaaaaaase don't stop them. Just anything will do. Speaking of, an Engorgio-ed tanks to these 3 people for your reviews:

MarineAstriella: This chapter says it all...and about Sirius...you're right! Thank you so much for your support for BOTH my fics!

PJO-Blue-cookies: Thanks a ton for reviewing! Did this one live up to expectations?

demoncutie257: Thank you so much for the support! Hope the wait wasn't too long.

and a Geminio of that to shotasayswhat, SilverWolf1978, SilverKitsuneGrlAngel, Wise Ocean and Paeppel for your favs/follows and another Geminio to my silent readers as well. TBSTI now has over 2000 reads and I'm so thankful to all those who take the time to read this story. I hope I'd have all of your supports all the way to the finish. So till next time,

~Bekah