Authors note:
Warning, this chapter is sorta heavy. There may be an attempt at either self harm or suicide. Please be careful when reading. Thanks.
"Can we talk?" Taylor asked looking at Callie who was sitting cross legged on her bed with her guitar out. "Sure, are you alright?" Callie sounded worried. Taylor smiled, "It's nothing bad, for once." Callie laughed "well thats a first I think." Taylor sat on the edge of her bed, "Uh the other day? The whole nail polish incident? Uh Jude wore nail polish a second day, you know when I said I was going to watch out for him, well I just wanted you to know his friend, uh... Connor I think?" Callie nodded, "Yeah Jude's friend is Connor." Taylor nodded and continued, "Anyways, Connor wore blue nail polish that day. I just thought you should know Jude has someone on his side." Callie smiled, "I know. Thanks for always watching out for him. He told me you almost punched one of the kids the other day. You seem to really care for him, no one other than me has ever tried to look out for Jude." Callie looked like she was about to cry. "Callie, we all love Jude here, not just me. You don't have to worry about him all the time anymore. You can think about what you want, about yourself, about whatever normal teenagers think about. Maybe you could start thinking about what you wanted in the future." Taylor smiled, she then realized how akward the conversation had turned and tried to find a way out. "Uh, I've got to go talk to Lena but uh yeah. Bye."
"Stef, I think you should try and talk to her." Lena had been pleading with her wife for two days. Stef laughed, and say what, "Lena told me what you didn't even trust us with that you told Jude? Oh and by the way we were wondering about that girl the other day and wanted to check in with you if you had anything else going on." Lena sighed, "Fine. Point taken. But I think she would relate more to you... because of everything Stef." Stef sighed, "I'll try later, has something happened at school?" Lena shook her head, "No, well I mean that I know of, she could have done something and just not gotten caught, but I think now's the time we started to talk with her, especially if we're going to try to get her to agree to the...well you know, just talk to her." Stef nodded, she agreed to talk to her later.
"Hey Mariana, can I talk to you?" Jude looked around the room to make sure his sister wasn't in the room. Mariana closed her book and made a room on her bed for Jude to come and sit, "What's wrong Jude?" Jude shrugged, "I just wanted to talk to you about uh...well...a crush. I need advice." Mariana squealed, "Finally one of you guys admits your crush!" Jude blushed, "well it's just i'm not sure if its a crush or not. The persons really nice and all but and I think I like them but its really confusing." Mariana laughed, "It sounds like a crush! So who is it Jude." Jude smiled, knowing exactly who to quote, "It's nobody."
"What's our alibi? I mean come on it's not like I can say just going out with Brandon." Taylor was pacing around his room. "We're going for a ride so you can think in a quiet space and you need me to drive." Taylor nodded, "I think this is gonna work. This is really happening huh?" Brandon could hear the excitement in her voice. He nodded. She smiled, "Let's go tell them we're going." Brandon stood and started to leave, Taylor jumped up and down once more, "I'm finally going to talk to them again. This is going to be perfect, I can just tell."
Stef was surprised to see Taylor all dressed up and coming down the stairs. "Uh, hey what's up?" Brandon was right behind Taylor. "Hey mom," He said, "Can I take Taylor out for a ride?" Taylor nodded, "It was my idea, I was hoping it was alright." Stef nodded, "Uh sure. Why are you so dressed up to go for a ride though?" Taylor looked down forgetting she had put on a new dress, "Oh, uh I just changed out of my clothes from school and threw this on, that's all.." Stef nodded, "Okay, Brandon back before dinner." Brandon just smiled. "Okay." Taylor and Brandon left.
"Do you feel bad lying to your moms?" Taylor asked on the ride over there, she kept smoothing her dress and fixing the curls in her hair. "You look great, stop worrying." Brandon laughed at how many little things Taylor had picked up from the family, she kept fixing her hair like Mariana always did, smoothing her clothes like Lena did when she was nervous, and just like Stef, Taylor kept intertwining her finger and trying to keep focused on something. "Are you sure this is it?" Brandon had been sitting outside the house for ten minutes watching Taylor shaking in her seat. "Will you come in with me?" Brandon looked at Taylor, "Why?" Taylor had a few tears roll down her face, "I'm scared they're gonna hurt me again, but I just want to see their faces once more, to make sure that they haven't been wanting me back." Taylor wiped the tears away, Brandon nodded, "I'll be standing right there. They won't touch you. I promise."
"Hey Stef, have you seen Brandon and Taylor?" Lena asked after searching the entire house. Stef nodded, "Uh, yeah they left about an hour ago for a ride, they should be home soon." Lena sat next to Stef, "Why'd they go out?" Stef shrugged, "Not sure. I think Taylor was going out on a date, she had dressed up, a new white dress." Lena smiled, "Aww even our little ones going out on dates." Stef and Lena both laughed and decided that dinner would be a fun one to talk during.
"Hi," Taylor's voice cracked seeing her father open the door. Her father looked at her, "This your boyfriend. Or are you still screwed up?" Brandon was surprised that anyone could think of their own child this way. Taylor didn't answer the question, "May I come in?" Her father nodded, "Where have you been?" Taylor took a breath, "I... I uh found a household that would allow me to stay with them for a while. I've missed you and mom though." Her father sat on the couch, Taylor looked around the room and walked to a bench near the window, "Remember when I was younger, I would hide under here and read for hours, I would even talk to you and I still believed that you didn't know where I was." Taylor laughed thinking back. Her father nodded, "Yes, back when you were my daughter." Taylor was hurt but only for a minute, "Is mom here?" Taylor father shook his head, "She should be back later. She has been praying that you would get better, that you would realize how wrong your choice had been" Taylor's face dropped and Brandon could see the pain in her eyes, "I'm still gay. I'm not going to hide it but I miss you guys. You can stop hoping that anything you're going to do is change me! This is who I am can't you guys just love me? I need my mom and dad." Taylors father stood and took a step towards her, Brandon stepped in front of Taylor, "we should be leaving" he said. Taylors father nodded, "Yes, that's a good idea." Taylor turned and walked towards the door. Brandon followed her. When Brandon was behind her and outside the door Taylor turned back to look in the house, "You can't ignore it! I'm still your daughter! You have a gay daughter and you can't pretend I don't exist!" Taylor was struck across the face, Brandon jumped in front of her only a second too late. He grabbed her by the shoulders and pushed her to the car.
"You are never going back there." Brandon muttered on the way home. Taylor looked at him, please only once more, maybe my mother will respond differently." She wasn't ready to give up and except that they didn't love her. "I have to be with you, don't do anything stupid please." Taylor nodded, she hadn't really been paying attention to anything Brandon was saying, she was still hurt that her father didn't even seem to miss her, after almost ten months and not a single word sounded like he had cared. No one wanted her, all of Taylors hope was gone. "I'm gonna take a nap on the way home, alright? Just wake me up before we get back." Taylor laid her head back and tried to calm herself.
Mariana was sitting doing her nails when Callie had mentioned the party Wyatt was hosting. "We have to go!" Mariana exclaimed. Callie pondered the thought for a minute, "I don't think your moms would approve." Mariana pleaded with Callie, "I'll get them to say yes! Please I don't want to be here when Lexi and her parents come over for dinner!" Callie sighed, "I guess so. You're telling your moms though." Mariana cheered, "Sweet!"
Taylor opened her eyes about three minutes away from the house, "Can you tell I've been hit?" Brandon looked over to Taylor, he forgot to even check earlier, "It's a bit red and swollen but if you don't act funny I don't think they'll see it." Taylor sighed, "Good because I don't want to deal with it right now." Brandon nodded, "I'm sure you don't, I'm going out tonight but if you need to talk to me text me. What are you doing when the Riveras come over?" Taylor shrugged, "Stay in my room and try to do some homework or something?" Brandon pulled into the driveway, "Okay."
Jesus had been freaking out about the dinner all week and was now up in his room pacing around. "Haven't they met you before when Lexi and Mariana hung out?" Jude didn't understand what was so important to Jesus about one dinner. "Yeah but now I'm the boyfriend. You'll get it one day dude." Jesus went back to his pacing. Jude shrugged, "It's gonna be fine. But I'm going to Connor's so I can't be here to help you out." Jesus nodded but was lost in thought trying to make this dinner perfect.
"Hey moms, can Callie and I go over to Wyatts tonight?" Mariana's voice went really sweet and innocent and Callie was surprised her moms didn't notice. Lena gave her a look, "You're not going to stay to have dinner with the Riveras?" Mariana shook her head, "Come on mom, can we go? I don't want to be here." Stef looked at Callie and Callie just stood still smiling. Lena looked from Stef to Mariana, "Fine. But be back early."
Taylor walked into the house several moments after Callie and Mariana had gone upstairs to get ready. She has tried to sneak in the back door but Stef and Lena were in the kitchen. "Oh hi sweetie, where'd you go?" Lena smiled looking at Taylor who had obviously dressed up for something. "Uh, we just went for a ride. Brandon had to leave, I think he said he was supposed to go out with his dad." Stef nodded, "Yeah. So uh you didn't stop anywhere on this ride?" Taylor shook her head, "I didn't go on a date." Stef had seen the slight puffiness on one side of Taylors face, "What's that?" Taylor's eyes quickly went wide but she kept herself under control, "Huh? Oh, uh..." Lena walked over and saw what Stef had been talking about. "Sit and explain now." Taylor shrugged, "Looks like I got caught." She sighed, "I went out to..." The doorbell rung, Mariana and Callie quickly ran out the back door. Jesus came running down the stairs, "They're here!" Stef sighed, "Saved by the bell for now. Then you're telling us what happened." Taylor smiled, "It was just some girl, and I ran into a tree." She quickly came up with a lie. Stef gave her a questioning look, "Later, with more info." Stef left to answer the door and Taylor quickly stood up to leave, "You're not joining us for dinner?" Taylor shook her head, "No thanks, I have homework or something... anything less awkward than that meal." Taylor and Lena both laughed.
Taylor was sitting at the top of the stairs while Stef and Lena welcomed the Riveras in and showed them to the table. As soon as the three guests, Jesus, Stef and Lena were all sitting around the table the doorbell rang. Stef got up to answer it, "Oh hi dad." She said. "Uh no. no. You can come join us." By this time Taylor was hungry and snuck downstairs to grab some food and something to drink from the kitchen. "But you don't think your daughter has a right to marry Lena?" Taylor heard Mr. Rivera say, she stood next to the entrance way but made sure nobody saw her, "I believe marriage is between a man and a women." Stef's father replied. Taylor had a feeling that this was going to get bad quickly, "Uh. Hi, I'm sorry to interrupt." She blurted walking by, "Hi Mr. and Mrs. Rivera, how are you?" The both nodded, "Good thank you. Would you care to join us?" Taylor shook her head, "No thank you, I would like to borrow either Stef or Lena for a moment if you don't mind." Stef stood, "Excuse me."
"Yeah sweetie?" Stef asked, she was clearly relieved to be out of the dining room. "Your dads an ass." Taylor stated simply, "Oh sorry. I shouldn't have said that." Stef agreed, "Not a good thing to say." but she pulled Taylor into a hug. When Stef released Taylor from the embrace, Taylor simply asked what she could take for food and said she wasn't feeling well she was going to bed. "I'm sorry Stef, it sucks." Taylor was still on the subject of Stef's father when she was about to leave the room. "Later, I can't talk now." Stef answered and left to go back to dinner.
"Sorry about that." Stef said as re-entering the dinner. Everyone in the room nodded, the conversations began again. Jesus and Lexi kept smiling over at each other, Jesus mouthed, "It's alright." Seeing how nervous Lexi was. "At first we weren't sure. Our little girl dating so young. But we decided, she's fifteen, she's finally grown up she can date now." Mrs. Rivera explained to everyone. Jesus smiled, everything tonight seemed to be going great.
Taylor finally sat down on the floor in her room and pulled out some paper to write on. She began to cry the more she sat there. All she could think about was how worthless she felt. Her own father hit her again, she had been gone, disappeared for months, he hadn't worried or even cared what had happened to her. He just hit her again. He hated her, and it was all her fault. Taylor began to cry harder and harder but tried to keep quiet for the sake of Jesus and his dinner. Taylor finally knew what she wanted to write and pressed her pen to the paper. The paper was already stained with tears, with the sorrow she knew would fill the family, the pain that would be and always had been overwhelming.
Stef,
I write to you because you're the only one I think won't break if they read this. I'm sorry if Lena, the twins, Brandon or even Callie and Jude have take this so hard. I just can't handle this anymore. I went today to my parents, I tried to say how much I missed them. I just wanted to know that someone out there cared about me. That my presences wasn't forgotten. I feel worthless, I feel so alone. I know everyone here keeps saying how much they love me and how you are my family. It's not the same. To feel the pressure of a hug is so great when I feel so worthless, but it's not one that belongs to me. It's not one out of love. I am stealing it from someone else parents, someone else love, it is all out of pity. My father struck me again today, he wasn't even phased by the fact I have been missing. He kept saying how screwed up I was. I wrong my choices had been. How things use to be when I was his daughter. Then I realized, I am the reason I am worthless, I am the reason I deserve to be hit. I caused my parents to hate me. I caused the world to hate me. I can not handle the pain of knowing that they are out there and they wish I wasn't out here. I'm making their wish come true Stef, I'm making sure I'm not here to make anymore bad choices. Thank you for everything this family has done, this isn't your fault. It's mine. It always had been.
You all are amazing people in this world. I am so sorry for being the worthless being to take up the time you have all devoted to me. Please tell this family and mine how much I love them. Even if they can't love me because of what I've done.
Please forgive me,
Taylor.
The paper was covered in tear splotches but Taylor folded it and sealed it in an envelope. She knew what she had to do. She hated being her,Taylor hated her whole being, she hated that her parents didn't love her, this was a solution.
Callie had been freaked out at the party. Liam had been there and had hold of her by the wrist. Callie quickly ran to get Mariana and had Wyatt walk them home. The only flaw in Callie's plan was that Mariana was quite obviously drunk. Finally dragging Mariana home, Callie tried to sneak her upstairs without Stef or Lena noticing. The two girls are stopped when passing by the dining room, "Come join us Mariana!" Mrs. Rivera pleaded. Callie answered for Mariana, "Uh. I think we should just go to bed." Mariana giggled and the hiccuped. Stef, Lena, Jesus, and Lexi all realized at the same time that Mariana was drunk. "Uh. Mama let's go home I'm tired." Lexi pleaded. Lena smiled, "It is getting late, but we should get together another time." Mrs. Rivera began to stand but again talked to Mariana, "Jesus is coming to a church camp with Lexi next week, you should come along too." Mariana looked between her brother and best friend, then to her moms, "you're letting them stay together when you know they're having sex?" She blurted. Mr. and Mrs. Rivera left soon after as Lena tried to clean up the mess that Mariana had made, Stef and Callie dragged Mariana up the stairs to her room.
The rest of the night was relatively uneventful, other than on incident with Callie, on her instagram account Liam had commented on a photo revealing that he knew where she lived. Callie whispered, "Liam." Taylor who was still awake rolled over in her bed, "Tell Stef and Lena. They need to know about this Liam kid, he obviously haunts you and Jude. They can help. She rolled back over. Finally everyone except for Stef and Taylor had fallen asleep.
Taylor slipped out of bed and down the stairs, hearing the noise Stef got up to see what was wrong. Taylor threw the envelope on the kitchen counter but hiding it enough so it wasn't in plain sight to all of the kids. She then slowly opened the door and walked into the back yard. Stef had stopped in the kitchen to see what Taylor had put down. It was an envelope with Stef's name written on it. She had it in her hand as she ran out the door, she thought that Taylor must be trying to run away and ran after her. Taylor was standing there just staring at the rope hanging around the tree. "Taylor!" Stef screamed. Taylor swung around startled, Stef ran up to her and pulled her away. One more step and Taylor would have been dead. "What the hell were you doing!" Stef whispered. Taylor fell the the ground. Stef sat next to her. "Taylor what were you doing!" Taylor pulled back her hair, "I just wanted to die! Okay I was trying to kill myself!" Stef was shocked at how easily Taylor had come to terms with what she was about to do. Taylor sobbed, "read the letter. Just read it." Stef sat there staring at Taylor for another minute and then tore open the paper, she read, her eyes flashing across the paper. "What the hell were you thinking Taylor!" Stef screamed again, her eyes were filled with tears. "You were trying to kill yourself! Imagine if Lena or Mariana found you tomorrow morning hanging from a tree! Could you hear their screams? Or what if Jude came home to see his foster sister just hanging there! Is that what you want?!" Stef tried to calm herself knowing screaming wasn't going to help Taylor. "They still don't want me, they want me dead, they would be happier if I was dead. My own parents still hate me. My father still hit me." Taylor was sobbing, "I'm worthless!" She screamed. Stef pulled Taylor into a hug. "You're not worthless. We want you, we want you here, living, healthy, what do you think we would do without you?" Stef kept stroking Taylor's back, "We need you here Taylor. We couldn't handle it if you died. We love you. We're going to get through this." Taylor sat there, for almost an hour crying on Stef's shoulder, until finally she pushed herself back, "please let me do this. I don't want to be alone anymore." Stef pulled the girl close to her again, "We're here your not alone. We're gonna get you through this."
Authors note
Hey guys. Please review and sorry for the heavy chapter the next few should be less intense but will have to deal with the repercussions of everyone's actions on this night. Thanks and like always reviews please! Hope you enjoyed.