Chapter 7
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, setting, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. All other concepts and ideas from other books or stories belong to their respective authors. No copyright infringement is intended.
AN: Okay, this is the last of my back to back chapter updates. This is because tomorrow I return to work. These past three days I was free from work and since classes haven't started I basically could do nothing but write. But I work tomorrow, Sunday and Monday all day so I won't be able to really sit down and write till maybe Tuesday so expect no update till Wednesday at the earliest. Sucks, I know but life is like that. Maybe I'll find some free time write chapter 8 but no promises.
Be sure to read the omake at the very end after the AN! It's hilarious!
God's Throneroom, High Heavens
Day before Rias' Rating Game
Harry looked down at the sphere in his hand as he contemplated the hypocrisy of his actions.
Harry truly wanted peace between the Factions, more so now that he admitted his feelings for a certain crimson-haired devil heiress. He understood the reasons behind the Great War and had a plan to nullify them so it won't cause another. He was even willing to allow the Evil Piece System to continue now that he'd assured that Sacred Gear holders and Holy Sword wielders would lose them if they were reincarnated as devils.
Heck, he'd heard that his Fallen son, Azazel, had even created Artificial Sacred Gears, something that had caused Harry no little pride. Sure, they were inferior to Harry's but they were pretty good for a first attempt. The Fallen could even use their knowledge of Artificial Sacred Gears as a bargaining tool in the (hopefully) upcoming peace treaty.
However, Harry's first loyalty was to Heaven and in making sure it could stand up not only to the other two Factions but to the other Pantheons. He was also a realist and knew that his return might make the other Two Factions less eager for a peace treaty.
Therefore, he'd been making plans to not only arm Heaven to be able to stand up to any of the other Pantheons but to completely subjugate and dominate the other two Factions if necessary.
In his hands was the result of one of those plans: a light-element version of a nuclear bomb.
The war games set up between Heaven and Asgard to help both sides polish their skills for the upcoming conflict had shown him how far Heaven had to go. Angels were so used to their light element giving them the advantage that without it, they were skilled enough to stand up to event he grunts of Asgard's army. It was worse for the newly created Angels, who had no battle experience whatsoever.
Thankfully, Odin, now back to 100% thanks to Harry, had agreed to help whip them into shape. Harry smiled as he remembered the complaints of some Angels forced to go through the Asgard training program. Harry felt embarrassed how most of his Angels couldn't even run ten laps without collapsing, much too used to flying wherever they went.
And while his Brave Saints System was a good idea, there was an appalling lack of suitable candidates at the moment. Most exorcists, he was ashamed to say, were little more than grunts relying on the light element's advantage to come out successful in their hunts. Even then, there was an almost 50% fatality rate amongst them during their first few years as exorcists which thankfully lowered as time passed. Precious few actually reached the level previous generations of exorcists were and this was mostly because the Underworld had basically been poaching their best and brightest. The next generation of exorcists had potential but it would be years before they would reach it.
All this told Harry he needed a more immediate solution to balance out the scales between them and the other Factions. That was when he remembered reading about MAD (Mutually Assured Destruction) while still human and thought up his current weapon.
The light-element nuclear bomb was similar to the human one except much more potent. A single one could wipe out the main island of Japan off the map completely. However, while it's power was potent, it was its effects that made it a game-changer against devils.
Much like the human nukes bombarded the area with radiation for years to come, the light-element nuke did the same but with, obviously, the light-element. Not only that but the atmosphere around the area the bomb was dropped would imbue the light-element, making the very air toxic to devils and outright killing anything weaker than an Ultimate-class devil and greatly weakening those stronger.
Harry's plan was that if push came to shove, he would open portals to the Underworld and drop thousands of these all over it. Not only would thousands if not millions of devils die from the blasts but the Underworld would become completely uninhabitable for devils for hundreds of years before the light-element dissipated from the atmosphere.
If necessary, he would also introduce the light-element into the atmosphere on Earth, making the Human World uninhabitable for devils as well.
This would give the devils nowhere to go as well as greatly weaken their strongest devils as even a Satan-class devil would be no stronger than a Mid-class devil in those conditions. It would make them easy pickings to wipe them out.
Before his reincarnation as Harry Potter, he probably would have been ecstatic at this plan. A way to destroy the devils with minimal expenditure of energy or loss of life and furthermore, would make it so whatever devils did survive would die out slowly from the light-element poisoning.
However, all he could think of now is his beloved Rias dying from one of these bombs or else slowly dying in his arms from light-element poisoning and he wanted nothing else but to destroy this abomination. Destroy all of them and all plans on how to create them and then Obliviate the knowledge from his head for good measure.
It wasn't just Rias but also the other devils at Kuoh Academy. The more time he spent with them, the more he saw them as nothing more than slightly strange human teens. It was hard to see them as devils when he saw them laughing at one of his pranks or just hanging out like normal teens. Heck, even their "contracts" were more along the lines of doing household chores than anything. No corrupting the innocent, sacrifices or even premarital sex (not that he had a problem with that).
So the idea of using this on an entire race of people like them made him want to vomit. He wondered if this was how the creators of the atom bomb and those part of the Manhattan Project felt. Like no matter what he did, nothing would grant him forgiveness for creating this abomination.
Yet despite his feelings, he couldn't destroy them. As much as it pained him, if worse came to worse, he would have to use it. The other Pantheons had tolerated the existence of devils for long enough as it was. If word reached them of the Evil Piece System...
Harry grimaced at the thought. The Pantheons would instantly set aside their differences to wipe out the devils if they caught word of it before Harry could fix it. Hopefully, the devils would agree to his plan or else nothing he could do would protect them from the Pantheons breaking the treaty, even if it meant releasing 100% of his power, and banning together to destroy the devils.
Harry sighed as the bomb in his hands dissipated into golden particles to be stored in his Treasury. Like always whenever his thoughts turned melancholic lately, Harry focused on Rias to see what she was doing.
Harry smiled as he saw Rias and her peerage gathered around the table, discussing strategy for the upcoming Rating Game. There would be no training today, the day before the Game, since it would do little difference. It would be best to relax and discuss strategy than to make themselves tense training. A tense mind was more easily broken, after all.
Harry cocked an eyebrow when he caught sight of Rias looking around every once in a while, as if hoping to catch sight of someone and frowning when she didn't. It didn't take long for Harry to realize she was looking for him from the way she kept glancing at the light gun on the table. He hadn't even contacted her since her little prank so no doubt she was worried. He never went so long without showing up, after all.
Smiling to himself, Harry conjured a cellphone and marked the number for the cell phone he'd left at the cottage they were staying at.
Back with Rias, the group was broken out of their planning session by the sound of a phone ringing.
Everyone blinked in confusion, not having known there was even a phone here at all. Rias was the first to move, heading toward the ringing noise. It eventually led her to the night table with the light gun on top of it and she opened the first drawer to reveal a cell phone as the origin of the noise.
Rias' eyebrow twitched as she guessed the perpetrator of this and quickly opened the phone. "Hello."
All was silent for a moment except for the sound of exaggerated deep breathing on the other end.
Rias just had a deadpanned look on her face. "I know it's you, Kotomine. Stop being a freak."
"Awww!" came the familiar voice of her rival/secret love interest. "How did you know?"
"The cell phone being here in the first place was a bit of a give away," said Rias blandly before a smug smirk crossed her face. "How was Vegas, by the way?"
"It went quite well, actually," said Kotomine blandly. "I met a lot of nice people willing to help me. Especially of the large-breasted, no clothing variety. Though for some reason, they kept trying to drag me to some building with a supposed priest wearing an Elvis costume for some reason. I really doubt that man was a priest now that I think about it."
A tick mark appeared above Rias' forehead at the thought of some hussy tricking Kotomine into marrying her. It was lucky that Kotomine hadn't fallen for it or else she'd be forced to make him a widow.
"I'm glad you enjoyed yourself," said Rias sarcastically, annoyed that her prank backfired on her. "So why did you call?"
At this, Koromine lost all trace of humor and he sounded slightly nervous. "I just... wanted to wish you luck on your Rating Game. I really hope you win... you know, because I can't get you back for your prank if you marry."
Rias blushed at his words and turned her back on her peerage who were listening with smiles on their faces. Except for Issei who was crying and cursing Kotomine for stealing Buchou.
"I-, Thank you, Kotomine," said Rias with a small blush. "I hope I win too."
"Yeah..." Both lovestruck teens stayed in awkward silence for a moment, not knowing what to say. "Well! I'm going to go," said Kotomine forcefully. "You know, I have to clean up the church after being away for so long. I truly hope Raynare hasn't killed Asia..."
Rias smiled and nodded, then realized he couldn't see it and spoke. "Okay. I'll.. see you later, then?"
"Yes," answered Kotomine quickly. "Also... I'll see if I can hack into the Underworld TV network and watch the match. Good luck."
"Thanks," said Rias. She hung up and turned to her peerage only to blush as she saw them watching her. "What?!"
Akeno smiled teasingly. "Did he give you a good luck kiss, Buchou? Ufufufufu."
Koneko just shook her head. "...fraternizing with the enemy."
Kiba looked put out but more or less okay with it. Or at least he was trying hard not to think about it.
Issei was the most expressive, crying dramatically and saying something about bastard priest stealing all the oppai. At least until Akeno hugged him from behind and whispered how there were two oppai right there.
Rias looked away with great dignity as she walked toward the table. "We should finish our strategy for the Game instead of talking about these useless things. Riser won't beat himself... though I wish he did."
The peerage quickly obeyed and went back to talking about the upcoming Game. In her own side, Rias gave her own thoughts, though this time she had a small smile on her face.
Harry cursed himself at his complete lack of any coolness in his conversation with Rias as he teleported down to his office in the church. Heck, he could barely keep up his Kotomine personality during their conversation as it was. That kiss seemed to have destroyed any barrier standing between him and his admitting his feelings and it was affecting him badly. It wouldn't be long before he couldn't keep up his disguise at all.
Harry was brought out of his thoughts when Rossweisse entered his office.
Harry had taken her as his own personal secretary after seeing how much Odin picked on her despite her incredible skill at being a secretary. He had asked Odin to trade her into his employ and he'd accepted, glad to be rid of the 'cockblocker' as he called her.
As for Rossweisse herself, while she'd been a little put out at being traded at first, she'd grown to be happy about it. Harry never put her down and praised her hard work. Her skills greatly helped him establish some kind of order to his ideas. The most obvious proof being in how ordered and cleaned up the office was compared to the mess it was before. Everything was placed in an organized pile divided between viable ideas, ideas still in the works and impossible ideas. These were further divided into categories such as weapons and miscellanous, helping him whenever he wanted to search for something specific.
Harry was a grateful beyond words for Rossweisse's presence and never failed to tell her so. The girl, used to being degraded by her previous employer, preened and blushed under the praise, her loyalty to him having already supplanted her loyalty to Odin.
"Lord Harry," said Rossweisse politely. "You've returned at just the right time. I just received word that we've located the possessor of Excalibur Ruler."
Harry's eyes narrowed and he turned serious. "I see. Then I'll go do that now. Thank you, Rossweisse. Do you wish to accompany me in retrieving it? I warn you that the possessor might not be very eager to return my sword to me. It might turn violent."
Rossweisse straightened and set her shoulders. "Of course, my Lord. As your secretary and bodyguard, it is my duty to follow you anywhere and protect you from any danger."
Harry smiled in thanks before nodding. "Alright then. So where did you say Arthur Pendragon was located?"
God's throneroom, High Heavens
Close to midnight of the next day
Harry sat upon the throne of Heaven once again. He had observed Rias' Rating Game against Riser Phenex. She came close to winning her freedom from that grilled chicken thanks to his kind donation of Holy water and it looked like victory was at hand. Unfortunately, Issei's body gave out in the end and Riser proceeded to threaten him to get Rias to surrender.
Naturally, Rias' compassion won out and she begged Riser to stop, ultimately forfeiting the game and allowing Riser to win. Though Harry had to give his respect to Rias and her peerage. While he had feared Riser might still win despite all their training and planning, it was not skill or experience that gave Riser the win but trickery in the end. It said something Rias and her peerage when even outnumbered and with little true battle experience, she still almost managed to win.
Harry did not like where this was going. Riser didn't even care for Rias beyond an ornament he can show off and she deserved much better than that. That, and the idea of another man getting to touch her almost made him want to unleash God's Thunder on their ass.
Plus, only one person was allowed to make Rias cranky and psychotic and that was him, not some stuck up fried chicken wannabe.
With that in mind, Harry went down to Earth donning his Kotomine disguise once again. He knew what Issei was planning and had to intercept him before he got in the way. He couldn't exactly look cool and heroic if Issei appeared mid-speech, right?
Issei Hyoudou had offered his arm to Ddraig in exchange for the power he needed to hopefully rescue Rias. He was currently walking past the Kendo club's changing room when suddenly he felt something hit the back of his neck.
"OW!" yelled Issei in pain. "What the hell was that?" Issei turned to see Kotomine standing there looking at his karate-chop hand in confusion. "Did you just hit me?"
Kirei didn't answer and simply tried to karate-chop him asleep once more, with similar results. "Huh. That always works in the movies. Oh well, Plan B."
Before Issei could say anything, he was picked up and tossed through the window of the kendo club's changing room. Issei shook off the stars only to look up and pale at the sight of the kendo club who didn't look pleased to see him at all.
"DIE PERVERT!" came the righteous female fury of the kendo club.
Their Shinai rained down upon Issei and all went black.
Underworld chapel
Same time
"Now if anyone has an object-"said the devil equivalent of a priest before being cut off.
The wedding was suddenly interrupted by a voice echoing through the chapel. At first, everyone, even Rias' peerage, looked confused. However, Akeno was the first to identify the owner of the voice and was holding back giggles as she eagerly awaiting what chaos he'd unleash now. Rias began going red, though whether from embarrassment or anger she was not sure as only one person could possibly own that infernal grating voice.
"What if god was one of us, Just a slob like one of us~"
"WHO DARES TO SING THAT INFERNAL SONG ON THIS UNHOLY DAY!" snarled Riser angrily.
"Just a stranger on the bus~"
Suddenly, a young Caucasian man clad in a tuxedo, came bursting in through the doors. He then proceeded to walk down the aisle drawing the attention of everyone. Some guards tried to stop him, but when they charged at him he moved swiftly like water and they slammed into each other, knocking themselves out. He did all this while carrying one Issei Hyoudou, who was currently unconscious while being held in a fireman's carry over the man's right shoulder.
"Trying to make his way home, just trying to make his way HOOOOOOOMMMMMEEEEE!"
The man, who was none other than boy-god known as Kirei Kotomine, came to a stop at the altar. Not even stopping to greet anyone, he reached into the wedding cake, tore out a chunk out and took a bite out of it.
"Dear Lord, this cake tastes awful!" complained Kotomine as he spat out the cake onto Xuelan's shoes. He then tossed the slice in his hand away where it landed on Yubellana. "It tastes worse than my secretary's attempts at cooking and dear Lord, does her cooking suck! Hmm, maybe the champagne..."
Kirei had stolen a glass of champagne and had taken a sip of it only to spit it out all over Siris's dress. All three girls quickly cried out in outrage over their ruined shoes and dresses.
"And this champagne tastes like goat piss and you do not want to know how I know what that tastes like." Of course, this caused some of the guests to cringe at the mental image that entered some of their minds. Some even tried smashing their heads against nearby objects to try and remove the image.
"Oh and before I forget," said Kotomine thoughtfully before turning to Kiba. "Here pretty boy, catch!"
Kirei promptly tossed the still unconscious Issei by the back of the neck towards Kiba. The unlucky Knight was too surprised to react in time as Issei landed on top of him and their lips met, much to Akeno and Koneko's amusement and everyone else's shock.
As fate would have it, Issei chose this moment to wake up. Unfortunately, he was too late as Koneko had taken out a camera and had photographed the kiss. Issei was quick to separate from the pretty boy knight and begin shouting for mouth wash while spitting and trying to get Kiba's taste out of his mouth. Kiba was of course trying to do the same thing.
"Ufufufu oh my Kiba, I didn't know you two swung that way," said Akeno teasingly. "Whatever will the girls of Kuoh think when they find out that their Prince has 'those' feelings for Issei of all people?"
"Wait I minute I don't have those feelings for anyone," said Kiba quickly, vainly trying to defend himself. "Especially not this guy!"
"Everyone note," said Kirei mockingly. "How his first response was how he didn't have feelings for anyone. Not that he didn't have feelings for men specifically. I guess what they say is true," Kirei gave Kiba a pitying look. "It's always the quiet ones."
Issei and Kiba both began denying any such feelings for each other while Akeno turned back to Kotomine.
"Say how did you capture Issei anyway?" asked Akeno curiously.
"Well you know how in the movies they use a karate chop to the back of the neck in order to knock people out?" asked Kirei cheerfully.
"Yes?"
"Yeah that didn't work for me," said Kirei with an embarrassed laugh. "So I just tossed him through an open window into the girls kendo club's changing room while said Kendo club was changing," Everyone sweatdropped at his complete lack of any sort of shame at his actions. "Then I just retrieved him when they were done with him. Though it was a close one. I think I actually saw his soul leave his body several times before the girls forced it back in and kept beating him.
"Ufufufufufu, well that's one way to go about it," said Akeno with a giggle before giving Kirei a hooded look. "My, my, Kotomine. I didn't know you were so... vicious." The last part was said in such a sultry tone that half the males present had nosebleeds while Rias glared at her Queen.
"You'll find I'm full of surprises," said Kirei simply.
Kotomine then returned his attention to his current undertaking and wiped his still dirty hand all over Riser's tuxedo. As one could imagine, this only served to infuriate the prideful devil even more than he already had been by this nobody's actions. Everyone was stunned at the sheer balls of the person crashing the wedding. Sirzechs himself wasn't sure, but at least he'd probably get a good laugh before his sister was chained to Riser so he did nothing.
"Ah Rias, you didn't send me an invitation so I thought I'd wedding crash. I hope you don't mind," said Kotomine rhetorically.
"What are you even doing here?" demanded Rias furiously, inwardly both glad at his presence out of hope he'd save her and fear that he'd be hurt by Riser if he continued to insult him. "This is worst possible place for you to be right now. Don't you know where you are?"
"WHO THE HELL ARE YOU TO INTERRUPT MY WEDDING?" demanded Riser angrily, sick of being ignored.
"Oh right, you must be Riser Phenex right?" asked Kotomine airily, as if he was just noticing his presence. "Well I'm Kirei Kotomine and I'm here to challenge you for Rias' hand in marriage."
"And why would I accept such a ridiculous challenge?" demanded Riser sarcastically.
"Because," Kotomine pulled out a sword that looked like a simple longsword yet was recognized by everyone present. "If you wager Rias, I'll wager Excalibur Ruler, and as I recall the devil laws say that anyone of any species can issue a challenge for a desired item or person as long as the devil who currently holds the desired item or person accepts."
Everyone gasped in surprise. He was wagering Excalibur Ruler, the most powerful Excalibur fragment, for Rias's hand?
"One of the seven Excalibur fragments"
"Do you think Riser will do it?"
"Anyone who had that could potentially be the most powerful devil in the underworld"
The murmurs continued, and greed flashed in Risers eyes. "Are you really going to wager such a powerful sword just for Rias?"
Anger flashed through Kirei's eyes at his words, and he barely kept his power from reacting though Sirzechs obviously felt something if the way he was eying him now was any indication.
"Of course," said Kirei before turning to look Rias in the eye. "What is offered is worth far more than what the other is worth."
Rias blushed as she understood that he was saying he considered her far more valuable than Excalibur Ruler could ever be.
Kotomine turned back to Riser who was eying the Holy sword greedily. "Come on, Phenex. You're not scared, are you?"
'Hook, Line...' thought Kotomine as anger flashed through Riser's eyes as his pride reacted to his words.
"I'll even let you use your entire peerage to fight me," said Kotomine, sweetening the wager further.
"Deal!" declared Riser with greed and triumph shining in his eyes.
'….and Sinker' thought Kotomine maliciously while internally chuckling to himself.
"What are you doing?" asked Rias frantically, terrified for Kirei's well-being. "He'll kill you!"
"Now Rias I know this is difficult for you but... " said Kotomine, pausing dramatically and grinning at her. "Have faith."
Rias simply sighed and rolled her eyes as Kotomine winked at her. She couldn't stop the small smile from crossing her face though. "Fine but it's your funeral if he kills you," said Rias, trying to hide the fear such a thought caused her.
"Let's begin so I can claim my prize already!" demanded Riser with a snarl, impatient to get this farce over with.
"I was just thinking something similar," replied Kotomine with a patient smile.
Kotomine looked across at Riser's peerage with a shit eating grin on his face. A few of those watching shuffled nervously, a little daunted by the seemingly care-free priest that faced off against the peerage of the immortal Riser Phenex so relaxed.
"Before we begin, I'd like to do a little reading if you don't mind." said Kirei, before clearing his throat.
He pulled out a small purple book with words embossed on the front. Riser's Queen paled as she read the words 'Yubelluna's Diary' on the book's cover.
"April 2nd," started Kirei with a smile. "Dear Diary, today was possibly the most embarrassing day of my life. You see, I was out with the rest of my lord's peerage, enjoying a day of rest and relaxation when, suddenly, the most gigan-" Kirei was cut off by a shriek from Riser's 'Bomb Queen'.
"Stop! Stop! I'll do anything, just don't read another word!" cried said Queen, getting looks of surprise from everyone else.
Kotomine grinned at her, his expression looking decidedly like that of a shark that smelled blood in the water. "Will you surrender?"
"Yes, yes, I surrender!" wailed the Queen, instantly disappearing in a flash of light.
"Lord Riser's Queen retires"
Kirei sighed and threw the diary to one side carelessly. He looked at the rest of Riser's peerage, his gaze focused on one in particular. "Hey, you!" Xuelan pointed at herself in confusion. "Yes, you. You know, there's a saying. It is said that the best way to conquer your fears is to face them and I, by the grace of God, am willing to lend a hand."
Kirei Kotomine then brought out a large sack from... somewhere. The sack seemed to be wriggling and squirming for some reason. Kotomine threw it to the girl he'd been talking to and she caught it hesitantly before peering inside.
She dropped it with a scream, and its contents spilled everywhere. Spiders, large spiders, scattered in all directions. Everyone scattered away from the spiders who tried to attack the peerage only to be killed and barbecued. The only exception was the girl who had originally caught the sack who seemed to have gone catatonic.
It was a pity that Xuelan had arachnophobia, wasn't it?
"Lord Riser's Rook retires"
"A-Attack!" cried, overcoming his stupefaction at the casual way in which that damnable priest overcame two of his best without even actually attacking them. It was humiliating and if this continued he would never be able to show his face even if he won.
At the front of the charge were two young girls, each one carrying a chainsaw.
"You know," said Kotomine disappointingly at them. "It is very dangerous to run with scissors in hand, and I'm sure chainsaws are no better." The two girls were almost upon him, but then the stupidest thing happened.
Kotomine took a step back.
Now this wouldn't have been a big deal except that both girls had attacked from each side, hoping to cut off his escape. But with him stepping back out of the way... yeah. Let's just say that the results... weren't pretty and leave it at that, okay?
Up in the audience, Lord Phenex, father of Riser, performed an action that many humans know as a face-palm. This wedding had gone from okay, to strange when that priest showed up, to downright ridiculous.
Those first few eliminations in that battle were probably, loathe as he was to say this, the most sensible of the 'battle' so far. Even calling it a battle was pushing it. It was a one-sided slaughter where one side hadn't even drawn his weapon yet!
Where had that miniature swamp come from? What in the blazes were those strange sweets that the charismatic man had been able to convince the maids to take? The less said about those rather rude fireworks the better!
Was it normal for a devil to want to pray to God? Because right now, he was damn near on his knees wanting this to be over. He looked out over the battlefield, and found that the priest was looking right at him and winked.
Pretty soon Kotomine and Riser were the only ones left in the arena. Everyone else had either eliminated themselves or surrendered to end their embarrassment.
"So how are those odds looking again?" asked Kotomine, smiling cheerfully.
"DIE YOU DAMNED DIRTY HUMAN!" roared Riser, tossing a huge fireball at Kotomine who showed his flexibility when he bent backwards, letting the fireball fly over him.
"Ole!" yelled out Kotomine happily. "By the way... that means you missed." Kotomine's dry, mocking tone made Riser grit his teeth in rage.
"BURN TO ASHES!" yelled Riser as he threw fireball after fireball at Kotomine only for the damn priest to dodge them all in the most annoying way possible. For all Riser's work, Kotomine looked like he was just walking in the park.
"Woopsie you've gotta be quicker than that!" taunted Kotomine with his infuriating smile.
In the audience, Rias felt a shot of vindication at someone else suffering under her rival's insufferable personality. At least someone else knew how it felt like now.
"BURN IN HELL" yelled Riser ironically, using all of his power to send a huge inferno barreling at Kotomine.
It seemed to consume the priest and Riser began cackling maniacally at his apparent victory only to hear a disappointed sigh.
"Well, this got boring fast," lamented Kotomine as he stepped out of the fire, his Tuxedo only mildly singed. "I'm afraid play time is over, Mr Phenex, and you lose."
Kotomine drew something from his coat pocket which turned into three blades that he held in between his knuckles. He threw them at Riser with lethal accuracy, and said Phenex member barely dodged them. However, he didn't dodge them completely as he got a long cut along one arm, getting a pained cry from the Phenex member as the Black Keys' Holy status hurt him more than normal.
Riser jumped back, shooting a large fireball at the priest, only for said priest to throw a single Black Key at the fireball. Everyone was shocked when the sword seemed to absorb the fire before continuing on to Riser and impaling him in the right shoulder.
Riser screamed as the Black Key exploded in a fireball of Holy Fire, letting Riser feel the pain of being burned for the very first time.
"What's wrong, fried turkey?" mocked Kotomine. "I thought you phoenixes ruled over fire and wind. Does a little Holy Fire hurt?"
With that Kotomine withdrew Excalibur Ruler for the final humiliation. He used its ability on Riser and stepped back to watch the show.
At first, it didn't seem to have any affect. Suddenly, Riser looked up with a... strange smile before starting to sing and dance in a way that made the males in the crowd very uncomfortable.
"It's raining men!" sang Riser with wide, and very gay, smile. "Halleluyah! It's raining men! Amen! I'm gonna go out to run and let myself get absolutely soaking wet!~"
The Phenex family, as well as his horrified peerage, watched in horror and humiliation as Riser happily declared his homosexuality before the entire Underworld nobility. Sirzechs actually broke down laughing when Riser started to touch himself in various disturbing ways as he sang and danced.
Rias' peerage had broken down laughing at the sight. Even Issei, who was extremely horrified by the very idea, couldn't help but laugh at the sight of the big macho and arrogant Phenex sing out his love of men.
"That- hahahaha- certainly explains- hahaha- his desperation to marry Rias," said Kiba through his uncontrollable laughter.
"Ufufufufu, who knew Riser secretly preferred sausage to tacos?" asked Akeno with an evil smile. She was eying Kotomine like a lion would a particularly juicy steak, seemingly turned on by the latter's cruelty.
Eventually, Kotomine freed Riser from Excalibur Ruler's influence once Riser finished his song with a dramatic flourish. It took a while but Riser seemed to realize what he'd done and turned pale white in horror before turning red in rage.
"I'M GONNA KILL YOU, YOU DAMN BASTARD PRIEST!" yelled Riser in almost incoherent rage.
"Now, now," said Kotomine with his usual tone. "I was just helping you get in touch with your true self. All I did was force you to tell the truth about yourself. I mean, why else would you feel the need to surround yourself with beautiful women and desire even more if not to hide something? Don't worry," Kotomine put on an understanding look on his face. "It's the twenty-first century and gays are getting more rights by the day. Don't hide in the closet, Mr. Phenex. Be proud."
Yelling incoherently in rage, Riser's aura flared with flames.
Unfortunately, Kotomine wanted just this and threw a Black Key so it passed right through Riser's aura. Instantly, Riser's flames were snuffed out, leaving Riser confused as to what happened as he suddenly felt most of his power disappear.
However, Kotomine didn't give him time to think as he charged with Excalibur Ruler in his hand. He was at the devil before he had time to register he'd moved, much less defend himself. Kotomine then drove Excalibur into Riser's...crown jewels and slashed it upwards through his head. But Kotomine wasn't finished yet as he used the Holy sword to do a straight line from one of Risers shoulders to the other forming a crucifix on Riser which burst into light, damaging Riser beyond his capacity to heal, especially with his demonic power having been drained.
Riser stumbled out from the attack, barely capable of standing. However, everyone knew it was over. Riser was beaten, burned of all things, and his regeneration wasn't working properly due to lack of power. Another slash from Excalibur Ruler would kill him permanently.
"N-now wait, please we can come to some sort of agreement," begged Riser fearfully as Kotomine approached him. "Don't you understand how important this marriage is to the stability of the Underworld. Perhaps I can offer you something else? My Queen, maybe?"
In the audience, Yubelluna looked hurt at how casually Riser offered her. Like she was no more than a trinket for him to trade away.
"Yeah, yeah, I've heard that bit from some other random guard who tried to stop me from entering the chapel," said Kotomine blandly as he approached the fallen devil. "Now are you going to surrender or is the Phenex family going to be down a member?"
Riser just glared at him in defiance, causing Kotomine to narrow his eyes. Kotomine pulled his sword back for the killing blow when a transportation circle appeared in front of him, revealing Riser's sister, Ravel.
"Please!" yelled Ravel as she stretched out her arms in order to defend her brother. "Don't kill him! I know he can be a jerk but... he's my brother!"
Kotomine hesitated, clearly undecided on what to do. Eventually he sighed and glared at Riser over Ravel's shoulder. "You're only alive because she begged for your life. If I ever see you again and you bother me and mine... I'll kill you."
Riser seemed to squeak in terror before nodding, signaling his surrender and defeat as well as dashing Riser's hopes of marrying Rias.
"Lord Riser retires"
"Domineering uncultured childish kid," said Kotomine shaking his head with mock annoyance as he reappeared in the chapel where the marriage was going to take place. He then turned to Lord and Lady Phenex with a glare. "Control your children or else I'll do it for you. And next time, all you'll get is a body bag."
Lord and Lady Phenex nodded their understanding and with that the Rating game was ended, Rias Gremory was free.
"Well," said Kotomine, dusting himself off. "That was slightly amusing."
The audience was stunned, Riser had been defeated. By a mere human no less. Kotomine was approached by Sirzechs who was clapping at his show of power. "Bravo young man bravo indeed," congratulated Sirzechs with a smile. "So what do you want as reward? Riches? Fame? I can give you whatever you wish!"
Kotomine looked at him with wide eyes. "All the knowledge and secrets of the universe?!"
"Um..." Sirzechs looked disturbed. "No."
"All the powers of the universe?" asked Kotomine desperately.
"Sorry, no." denied Sirzechs with a small smile.
"A month alone in a beach resort with your wife and maid so I can do all kinds of debauched and sick things to her very willing body?" asked Kotomine with a straight face.
Everyone there blushed and Rias glared at the man before looking at Grayfia jealously. Said maid and wife blushed slightly at the blunt request before returning back to a blank gaze.
Sirzechs looked at his wife as if asking, getting a glare from the woman before turning back to the priest. "Sorry, I guess not."
"Oh," said Kotomine sadly before sighing. "Then I guess I'll stick with Rias-OW!" Said girl had punched him in the gut for his words and Kotomine defended himself. "Hey, I picked you in the end, didn't I? Though I have to say that last request would have been awesome."
Kotomine blatantly gave Grayfia the "call me" sign before Rias pinched his cheek, getting a pained cry from the fake priest even as the maid/wife blushed at his blatant flirting.
"Very well then," said Sirzechs with a slightly put out tone at this man blatantly flirting with his wife. " It shall be so."
"Good," With that Kotomine escaped Rias' grip and began walking away down the aisle towards the door before stopping at Sirzechs' call.
"There is just one last thing," said Sirzechs, causing Kotomine to stop with his back turned. "Kirei Kotomine isn't your real name so who are you?"
"Me?" asked Kotomine innocently. "I'm just a wandering priest who seeks to do a bit of good here and there."
Everyone thought the same thing as Kotomine reached the door, 'yeah right'
"Oh and Rias?" called Kotomine to the crimson-haired devil who seemed to finally understand that not only had she escaped a loveless marriage but was engaged to her crush.
"Yes?" She asked with tears of joy streaming down her face even as a blush crossed her face at what she thought were going to be very romantic words that Kotomine was going to say.
"Archer is a loser and always will be," said Kotomine as he opened and closed the door behind him.
Any fondness for the priest quickly evaporated and rage replaced it. "ARRRRRGGGGHHHHH!" screamed Rias. "GET AFTER HIM AND BRING HIM BACK HERE!" Stupid idiot completely ruined the moment!
Her peerage ran to carry out her orders but when they got to the door and opened it, all they saw was an empty hallway.
"He's gone!" exclaimed Akeno in wonder. "Ufufufufu, very slippery, our little priest."
"But how can that be?" growled Kiba, angry that he'd lost an opportunity to destroy a piece of Excalibur. "He's just a mere human. A priest maybe but a human nonetheless. There's no way he could escaped our senses so quickly."
Silence was the only answer and no one knew what to say to Kiba's statement. So everyone was left wondering just who was Kirei Kotomine in reality?
Rias was in her room at Gremory Castle, about to change for bed. The party to celebrate her release from the marriage (which had originally been to celebrate the marriage) was tomorrow and she'd have to attend before she could escape back to school.
She hated politics.
Rias had closed the door behind her and was about to take off her wedding dress when a hand covered her mouth while another went around her waist.
"Relax, Rias-hime," said Kotomine in amusement. "It's just your loving fiance. Promise not to scream?" After Rias' nodded, he released her only for the girl to turn around and smack him in the chest. "OW! What was that for?"
"For ruining a perfectly romantic moment by being you," said Rias before smacking him again. "And that's for saying Archer was a loser." Rias' face turned curious. "How did you even get in here?"
Kotomine just chuckled before thumbing his nose. "Trade secret. Though I have to say," he looked around before looking back at a blushing Rias in amusement. "This wasn't what I expected from a devil heiress. Who knew Rias Gremory was such an Otaku?"
Rias' room was nothing like what he expected a rich heiress' room to look like. Sure, there was a queen-sized canopy bed, furniture that probably cost more than Harry used to make as an Auror in a year, and the rugs and carpeting was probably more comfortable than any bed not enhanced by magic.
However, seemingly out of place was the large collection of anime, manga, Japanese video games (and only Japanese ones, not a single American one) as well as figurines. The bookcases (all eight of them) were fit to bursting and he was afraid to touch them out of fear that they'd break down.
Rias looked down in embarrassment as her love interest took in her room. "Do.. do you think it's weird?"
"Weird?" asked Kotomine in confusion. "I was thinking more along the lines of awesome but okay."
Rias looked up in surprise, not believing his words. "Y-you think it's cool?"
"Well, yeah." said Kotomine in embarrassment. "I really love manga and anime though I've only started following it recently. The first anime I ever saw was Fate/Zero, actually."
Rias blinked at that before looking at him in shock. "Fate/Zero came out only four years ago?! You mean you never watched an anime before that?"
Kotomine sighed before dragging Rias to the bed and sitting her sideways on her lap. Rias blushed at the position but didn't protest, actually snuggling deeper into him.
"My childhood," said Koromine slowly. "Wasn't the most conventional. My relatives hated- no, loathed me. They knew I was different from the start and were determined to, what was it my uncle said? Oh yeah, "beat the freakishness out of me"."
Rias looked horrified at his confession, unable to comprehend a family who would treat someone like that. Sure, she'd thought of hitting her brother more than once but actually beat them? That was sick and she was a devil so that was saying something.
Kotomine sighed as he thought back on his life with the Dursleys. Even years later, he felt nothing but anger and hate towards them. It was probably why he was extra cruel to child abusers as God. He could sympathize with those children far too much.
"The reason I love Gilgamesh so much," said Kotomine quietly. "Is because he was the first anime character I ever saw. Not only that but I wanted to be him so badly. He may be arrogant and egotistical bastard at times but he was confident. Strong. Determined. He never asked for forgiveness for the things he did. He knew what he wanted and did what had to to get it. He sometimes went too far but for a kid whose relatives treated him like they did me, he was the epitome of what I wanted to be."
And it was true in a way. Gilgamesh had been the first anime character he'd ever seen and he was everything Harry wished he could be before he became God. Gilgamesh was selfish while Harry was selfless to a fault. Everything Gilgamesh did was for his own pleasure and he never made excuses for it. Harry, on the other hand, constantly gave up what he wanted for other's pleasure. The few times Harry did what he wanted, he was made to feel ashamed of it, like he did some terrible thing. It had probably been Dumbledore training him to be a martyr and therefore, beating all sense of selfishness out of him.
Rias looked at her love interest with new eyes. She finally understood why he acted so childish sometimes. Much like her, he never had a real childhood, though his was for a far darker reason. She was raised as an heiress, never allowed to play with other children her own age due to her status. Meanwhile, he was abused by his relatives and by the sounds of it, never made a lot of friends either. Both had acted out their lost childhood now that they were older through each other.
"I'm sorry," said Rias, getting Kotomine's attention. "I'm sorry you had to go through that. I promise you'll never have to go through that again."
Kotomine's eyes pierced Rias for a moment before she squeaked when he rolled them over so he was hovering over her on the bed. "Rias.. are you sure you want to be with me?" Seeing Rias' confused look. "We've only known each other for about a month and... I can't just become a devil in your peerage, Rias. I have duties and responsibilities... things that no matter how much I wish I could ignore, I can't. Knowing that, do you still want to be with me?"
Rias paused as she got a hint that her fiance's position in the Church was a bit higher than a simple exorcist. He was probably pretty high up if he talked like that. Knowing that, especially since they were rival factions, did she want to stay with him?
This wasn't Romeo and Juliet, and if it was it would be worse considering how they ended. There was a very good chance that another Great War could break out and they'd be on opposite sides. Could she risk it? For a boy she only met a month ago and most of that time was spent in a semi-antagonistic relationship?
When did her feelings for him become more than platonic? When did she stop being annoyed by him (okay, maybe more attracted than annoyed because he still annoyed her) and start falling in love with him?
Thinking back, Rias couldn't think on a single point. Their entire relationship had been so strange yet so liberating. He had been the first person to truly treat her like any other girl. He had pranked her, not cared about her being a devil heiress and more or less treated her like an ordinary girl. Was that the reason she'd fallen for him?
Rias was suddenly hit by a memory of a prank Kotomine did on her about three weeks ago. It was the prank where he somehow got a stampede of goats to chase her. They had chased her all through the campus and led her to what had to be a specially prepared mud pit where she'd fallen face first in the mud. It had completely ruined her clothing and when she tried to get up, she only fell down again, making it worse.
Then, Kotomine had appeared. Instead of mocking her, he had jumped down into the pit and helped her up, even going so far as to take off his jacket to cover her with it so she wouldn't have to walk to the clubroom covered in mud that stuck a little too much to her curves.
He had smiled at her, teasing her about taking a bath... and she'd responded by pushing him into the mud too.
Instead of getting angry, he had laughed, tossing a pile of mud at her. Squawking in indignation, she'd returned fire and it had degenerated into a mud war. For a moment, Rias had forgotten about the upcoming engagement, her position as a devil heiress and everything except the fun of the game.
Afterwards, she had promised revenge and he simply smiled and told her he looked forward to it. She had gone back home with a smile on her face, which had confused Akeno when she saw her greatly.
Thinking about it, Rias could honestly say that at the moment she had fallen for him. It was the first time she ever had a truly 'normal' time, without engagements or peerages or being heiress hanging over her.
Because in the end, as much as she loved being a Gremory... all she ever wanted was to feel normal... just once.
Thinking that, Rias smiled up at her fiance who was looking slightly nervous at her silence. "Yes, Kirei. No matter what may happen... I want to... for now, I want to live in the moment. I don't know why but I've fallen for you, Kotomine. And I don't want to ever let you go."
Rias looked up at him with curiously vulnerable eyes. "How about you, Kirei? Do you want to risk it? Do you think I'm worth it?"
Kirei closed his eyes for a moment before the words tumbled out. "Yes, a thousand times. Oh, Rias... you gave me peace. In a life of nothing but war, responsibility and duty. All I've ever known was duty, sacrifice and responsibility."
Kirei opened his eyes and they pierced Rias, taking her breath away. "But when I'm with you... for the first time... I want to be selfish. For the first time in my entire life... I want something for me. I want you, Rias Gremory. And if you'll have me, I promise... I will love you for all of eternity. I will always put you first. I will be your husband first... everything else second."
Rias smiled brightly up at him, tears of happiness in her eyes. "You're mine, Koto-"
"Harry." At Rias confused look, he elaborated. "My name... my real name... it's Harry. Just... Harry."
"Then Harry," said Rias happily. "You're mine, Harry. And I'm never letting you go. Not without a fight."
"And you're mine, Rias Gremory," said Harry with a possessive growl which got her wet. "I'm never going to share you with anyone and anyone who tries to take you from me will know to fear me."
Rias got excited as she felt a bit of her love's power. It was overwhelming, smelling like the rain, the ozone and sheer power. Like the smell of a field after a lightning strike. It was addicting and masculine and she just wanted to bury her nose in him forever.
Rias felt her heart skip a beat as Harry's touches became softer, more of a caress. His hands went up her dress to her thighs, drawing a moan from her due to the feel of his hands. He slowly undid her dress, her helping by helping him out of his own clothing, until they were both wearing only their underwear.
"Are you sure?" whispered her Harry quietly.
"Yes," whispered Rias back.
And with a wave of Harry's hand, the door locked and the candles went out, only the light of the artificial moon and their moans as company as they consummated their love.
"By the way, you're coming as my date to the party tomorrow."
"... is it too late to change my mind? OW!"
AN: And there's chapter 7!
Hope you liked the chapter! I thought about changing the battle with the peerage but decided against it since the original was just too funny. Especially the part about convincing the maids to take some sweets. Freaking hilarious, especially if you consider the fact he was dressed as a priest.
Harry has finally told Rias his real name (at least what he considers his real name since "God" is more of a title) and they've consummated their feelings. You might think it's a bit fast but well, Rias is a teenage girl and I've known girls to give their virginity away for less and Harry is the kind of guy that when he gives himself to a girl, he gives himself completely. He hasn't told her about him being God yet but he will eventually. He just wants to establish their relationship first before breaking the news.
In the original version, Rias and Harry were engaged through an arranged marriage. I thought that was a bit strange considering Rias just got out of an arranged marriage and Harry had asked for her to never be one again. I think this is more natural and more akin to what happened in Dxd canon with Issei.
Though to tell the truth, when Sirzechs gave that speech offering the hero anything they wanted, I always wanted to say what Harry did. Especially the Grayfia bit. He was offering any woman he wanted, after all. He never gave exceptions. Lol.
So Rias and Harry are engaged though everyone thinks he's just a high-ranking exorcist. Won't they be surprised when they find out the truth.
Now that they're together, they won't prank each other (as much). However, that doesn't mean the fun and games have ended. I present to you, for the first time ever: Yandere!Gabriel (told in a comical and non-violent way).
Omake: Rise of the Yandere Angel
Gabriel was fuming as she looked over the edge of the rooftop she was lying on at the sight below her.
Her beloved father was walking hand in hand with that stupid devil girl, Rias. With her stupid red hair and her stupid big boobs and stupid smile. Gabriel didn't understand why her Daddy couldn't see how stupid she was. It basically radiated off her in waves!
But Gabriel had a plan!
A plan to let her Daddy see how much of a mistake being with that stupid devil girl is and how she should stop paying attention to her and pay attention to his beloved daughter, Gabriel.
Once her plan went underway, he would see how he didn't need that ugly devil girl and that all he needed was her!
With that in mind, Gabriel 'sneakily' (read, tripping over herself and falling off the roof before spending an hour wondering if that counted as 'Falling' until her brother Michael found her and brought her home) left the premises.
That night:
A particularly busty shadow sneaked into the Occult Research Club's... clubhouse and proceeded to walk toward her target's location.
After putting up spells to block out any noise leaving the room, the shadow walked into the moonlight revealing it to be none other than Gabriel.
Gabriel had a large hammer in her hands as she walked over to her target. With a great heave, she smashed it down on her helpless target, completely destroying it and making it impossible to fix. Just to make sure, Gabriel gave it a few more whacks to make sure before standing back to survey her handiwork.
The washing machine was completely destroyed, a large hole on top from her initial strike and several others along its body, one specifically in its motor. Even with magic, this was completely unrepairable.
Gabriel smiled as she looked at the success of her genius plan. Without a washing machine, Rias would have to reuse clothes. Clothes that would smell. Her father would then smell the stink on her and realize what a horrible person she was and leave her. Then he'd go back to his perfectly smelling daughter and hug her and kiss her cheeks and then he'd read her a bedtime story before they'd cuddle up in bed together like they did when she was small.
Gabriel rubbed her thighs together as for some reason the idea of being in bed with her father made her wet down there. Maybe she had to go pee?
Gabriel smiled innocently as she sneaked out of the clubhouse, impatient for her plan to go through so she could spend more time with her Daddy.
The next day:
The ORC looked at the wreck of what used to be their washing machine in confusion.
"Well, it's pretty obvious someone broke the washing machine," said Issei in confusion. "But why'd they go for the machine instead of anything else?"
"Regardless," said Rias resolutely. "It's obvious it's not safe here so I need to move somewhere else. Somewhere we can also use as a meeting place..."
"Your brother could always just buy a new place and ward it for us," offered Akeno.
"No need," said Rias with a smile. "I know just the place..."
At Harry's place:
"Say what?" said Harry blankly as he took in the sight of Rias standing in front of his new place with a dozen suitcases.
He had bought this place after much argument so that Rias could come and sleep with him like she liked to do. She couldn't exactly go to the church, after all, and she got cranky if she didn't sleep next to him like she wanted. Of course, this meant Harry had to actually sleep which cut into his free time to do his work as God but it was worth it.
The fact she slept naked had nothing to do with his ultimate decision.
"I said," said Rias with a smile. "That I'm moving in. Someone broke into the clubroom last night and I don't feel safe there so I'm moving in with you." Rias put on her best puppy dog face. "You don't want me to go back to where I'm not safe, right?"
"Well, no," said Harry hesitantly. "But-"
"Good," interrupted Rias happily as she pushed her way inside. "Then it's settled."
Harry just watched as Rias made her way to what she'd just decided was their bedroom, leaving Harry to bring in the rest of the luggage.
"Make yourself at home," said Harry sarcastically before he grunted as he carried in the rest of the suitcases. "Dear Lord, what does she carry in these? Bricks?"
"I heard that!"
Rolling his eyes, Harry carried the suitcases into the house, internally wondering how living with Rias would be like.
In a nearby rooftop a certain blond-haired Angel was not at all pleased with this latest development and let it be known in her own way.
Pouting adorably (which looked weird on her voluptuous frame), Gabriel glared in the direction of the house and her arch-rival.
"MUUUUUUUUUU!"
AN2: Lol. And so starts the adventures of the yandere angel. Obviously, Gabriel is too innocent to be a real psycho yandere and is kinda... stupid, so most of her plans will be hilarious in their innocence. Heck, she's so innocent she doesn't understand that she's turned on by her own father.
Probably the reason she hasn't Fallen come to think of it...
Anyway, all her plans will inevitably fail or actually bring Harry and Rias closer together. Any suggestions for future comical yandere adventures are welcome!
As always, Read and Review!