Prompt: Nerves
Rating: T

He read the text message before starting his drive back to their house. Her words didn't completely ease the tension that had kept his stomach knotted ever since she'd said the 'D' word but they helped soothe his anxiety a little.

As did Emily's sound advice to listen to his wife, and Abby's near constant reassurances that Jess hadn't meant what she said. Divorce was not on the cards for the Beckers according to his teammates, and he was glad for it as he wasn't sure what he'd do if it ever was.

When he realised the front door was locked, Becker couldn't decide if he was pleased Jess had remembered to lock it after seeing Emily out or worried that maybe she'd locked it for the purpose of keeping him out. He hesitated in stepping over the threshold for the first time since they'd moved in over two years ago and took a deep, calming breath before calling out for her.

"Jess?"

No answer.

Momentary panic that she'd left him surged through his body – until he remembered that he'd seen her car parked in its usual spot outside. Keeping that thought in his mind – and shutting out the thought that she could have gotten her brother or sister-in-law to pick her up if she'd chosen to go somewhere – Becker started to explore the house in search of his wife.

She wasn't in any of her favourite places downstairs – the conservatory was empty, as was the living room, and he'd checked the garden through the windows to make sure she wasn't sitting curled up on the swing seat of the gazebo. He checked the study on the first floor, and even looked in the spare rooms just in case she'd decided to move her things – or his – into one of them but they were all empty, too.

"Jess?" He kept his voice quiet as he made his way up to the second floor, not wanting to disturb her if she'd decided to take an afternoon nap.

He heard the sound of a slight splash seconds before she answered, her voice coming from the bathroom. "I'm in here."

He waited outside the bathroom door for a moment, not sure if he should take her answer to be an invite or not, before chiding himself for being an idiot. She was his wife, damn it, and they'd had an argument. It didn't mean she didn't love him anymore and he was only going to make it worse if he kept putting off the inevitable conversation his female teammates insisted they needed to have.

Still, he knocked lightly onto the door before pulling it open, entering quickly and closing it behind him to keep the heat and steam inside.

Jess looked up at him from where she lay in a bathtub brimming with bubbles and the redness of her eyes broke his heart.

"I'm sorry." It was strange how the words were both so much easier to say than they had been before they'd gotten together but still somehow got caught in his throat. Becker crossed the room and knelt beside the tub, covering the hand she had resting on the rim with his own. "I overreacted, and I'm sorry."

"Me, too." Her smile was a sliver of its usual self but he was relieved to see it anyway. "And I shouldn't have said anything about a divorce. You know I didn't mean it, right?"

Because of how worried she looked, Becker didn't have it in him to tell her the truth. "I know." He lifted her hand, pressed a kiss to her knuckles. "I'm going to need some time to get used to this, Jess. Please be patient with me."

"Used to what?" Her eyes shone and she bit down on her bottom lip anxiously. "The thought of being a dad or me being pregnant or...?"

"All of it," he answered. "I just... It terrifies me, sweetheart," he admitted quietly. "Anything could go wrong and I could lose you – lose both of you – and I don't know what I'd do if that happened. I don't... I'm so scared I'm going to screw this up and lose you, Jess."

A tear slipped down her face and it was her turn to take his hand, holding it against her cheek as she leaned into his touch. "You won't lose me. You won't lose either of us," she added, moving her other hand to rest on her stomach. "And you're not the only one who's scared of screwing this up but what you've got to remember – what we've both got to remember – is that we're in this together. You and me."

"And baby makes three." Even just saying it scared him a little, and exhilarated him, too. "I love you, Jessica, and I promise I'll try not to let you down again."

"You've never let me down, Hil. You can frustrate me to no end and drive me a little crazy at times but you have never let me down, nor will you ever let down our child."

"I wish I could be so confident, Jess," and he did, he really did, "but this is all new to me..."

"It's new to both of us," Jess objected instantly, but Becker shook his head.

"You've been around kids. Babies. You were around Andi when she was pregnant with the kids, you were there when Lizzie and Tom were babies. I don't think... I can't remember ever holding a baby before, let alone being a father to one." Becker swallowed hard at the thought. "I don't know how to do that."

"Neither do I." She gave him a look when he started to protest. "Being an aunt is very different to being a mum. I've never been pregnant before for starters. I've never given birth or experienced any of the other things I've read about that sound absolutely terrifying. And I love that you've never held a baby, Hil, because it means that the first time you do, it'll be ours."

Something inside him warmed at the mental image and he smiled easily for what felt like the first time in weeks. "So are we okay now? If I try not to worry too much...?" Or at least try not to let her see when he was. He thought she'd agree so was surprised when she hesitated, colour rising in her cheeks he suspected had little to do with the temperature of the room. "Jess? What is it?"

She bit down on her lip again, her hand falling from his to splash in the water as she looked away. "Are you... Does me being pregnant change how you feel about me, Hil? Physically, I mean? Or is it because of what Cartwright did because I'm okay, you know. I'm okay and I stopped taking the painkillers ages ago."

Stunned by the question, it took him a moment to remember he needed to answer it. "You're beautiful, Jessica. Knowing that you're pregnant makes you even more so."

"Then why won't you touch me? Why haven't we had sex since you found out I'm pregnant?" She lifted her head to look him in the eye. "I read on the internet that some men lose interest in their partners, that the idea of, well, being with them while they're pregnant disgusts them so I thought, maybe, you -"

"No." Becker's voice was firm, and loud, making her jump. "God no. You are bloody gorgeous and I want you as much now as I ever have. I swear. There is not one thing about this that makes you unattractive to me."

"Then why...?"

It was his turn to blush, to feel the heat flood his cheeks. He ran a hand through his hair, aware that the steam in the room made it stick up at strange angles but not caring as he held her gaze. "You're not the only one who's been reading things on the Internet, sweetheart. Some women go off sex when they're pregnant. I didn't want to pressure you into something you don't want..."

"Don't want?" Her jaw dropped a little and her eyes widened. "I don't know how I could've made what I want any clearer, Hil, and what I want is you."

He shrugged a shoulder, feeling awkward under the weight of her incredulous stare. "I wasn't sure if you meant it or thought you had to or felt obligated..."

"Obligated? To make love to my husband? Who I am completely and utterly insanely crazy about?" Jess continued to stare at him. "You really are an idiot sometimes, aren't you? You do know that, right?"

"I'm beginning to get the picture." His pulse quickened at the glint in her eye and he allowed his gaze to wander, drinking in the very welcome sight of her body beneath the surface of the water, bare but for a few bubbles that still clung stubbornly to her skin. "Jessica?"

Her eyes darkened in response to his blatant appraisal of her and her tongue darted out to moisten her lips. "Yes, Hil?"

"Would you object if I took you to bed and showed you just how beautiful you are to me?"

Jess shivered and shook her head no. "I wouldn't object at all."

It was all the encouragement he needed. He scooped her up out of the water, not caring that his clothes were getting wet as he stood with her in his arms, and kissed her soundly as he carried her from the bathroom to their bedroom to prove he meant every word.

Continued in 'News'