N: It is what it is. Next chapter they'll get more into why Maura's brain is just ignoring Jane. In a way this happening is giving Jane a second chance to do things right instead of blurting and bolting. I won't say if Maura gets her memories back or make new ones, that's a secret for now. Also, I'll start getting into the incident that started all of this. Read on and enjoy. I know both characters are a little weak right now, but both have had their worlds shattered and they have no idea how to go about fixing it all. Yet.

-Jane-

"Why not take Agent Parsons up on his invitation to dinner? He seems very into you, Jane." Maura smirked as she sat behind her desk. "And it's been awhile since you had a male suitor." She raised an eyebrow, giving me that one look. The irritating I'm looking out for your best interest, look. I truly hated that look, even if it was on Maura's beautiful face.

I huffed, flopping down on her couch. "Maur, I just came down here to pick up the tox report and ask if you wanted to grab drinks at the Robber. This case has me on edge, and I need a few beers." I stretched my arms over my head, groaning as my back cracked.

"Maybe you can ask Agent Parsons to join us? The FBI has finished their portion of the case, and this toxicology report will be the final piece of evidence you need to close the case. You can submit it to the prosecutor's office by the end of the day." Maura wrote in the file as she spoke, that smirk was grating on me. "He's very handsome. His eyes are spaced evenly, and he has a very regal jawline." She waved a hand my way. "You should let me look at your back, I read up on a few massage techniques that could relive your spinal pressure."

I swallowed hard at the quick image of Maura's delicate hands running over my skin. I clenched my jaw, swallowing a few more times to push the butterflies back into the pit of my gut. "Maur. Do you have the report?" My impure thoughts of my best friend started running heavy a few weeks ago. All because of a bottle of wine, a pissing match about scars and freckles, and Maura taking her shirt off to show me a tiny blemish she called her fencing wound. All I saw was incredibly perfect skin wrapped along muscles I'd never imagine Maura to have. Her designer clothing hid so much, and I was left with sweaty palms and a racing heart as Maura snuggled into my side and fell asleep. The wine and our excessive recent workload catching up. It was then and there everything washed over me. I was very very in love with Maura and it was getting worse every day.

Maura picked up a file, handing it over as she sat on the couch next to me. Her warm hand falling to my forearm. "Jane. You've not dated or gone out since Casey."

I cringed hearing his name. So many strange memories attached to that name. Including asking the woman next to me, to be the other parent to my child. I closed my eyes, slowly moving my arm away from her touch. "Leave it, Maura. I'm too busy to date or whatever." I flicked open the file, searching over big science words to find words I did recognize.

"I don't think that is the truth. You've been very distracted lately, you stare off into space when we're together. You've also become very averse to me touching you." Maura's face fell, "You've canceled movie night four weeks in a row."

I took in a slow breath. My heart screaming at me to just tell her. Tell your best friend you have feelings for her. She'll accept it, won't reciprocate and you can move on. You might not talk for a few days, but it'll be okay. Meanwhile, my brain screamed no no no. She'll be disgusted and stop talking to you. You'll lose the best thing in your life next to the Red Sox and your ridiculous family. Maura is family. "Just leave it. I'm tired, frustrated by this case." I looked away, I hated sad Maura. Sad Maura made my heart break even if I was the cause of it.

"Jane, please tell me if I've done something wrong. I can handle it. I can alter whatever annoying behavior is causing you to step away." Maura went to reach for me but hesitated and hid her hands in her lap. "I love you, you're my best friend."

I closed my eyes hearing those words as Maura slipped into one of her nerd rants. Describing the psychological benefits of telling the truth in any relationship. Whether it was sexual, familial, etc. The irritation bubbled up, my heart begging me to say something. I was a kettle about to blow. "I should go back upstairs." I stood quickly eyeing the door, when Maura grabbed my hand squeezing it.

"Please tell me what I've done wrong, Jane." Her voice was so soft, doing it's best to hide the underlying pain I was causing her. "I can fix it."

I blew out a laugh, "You can't fix it, Maura." I shook my head, chancing a glance at big hazel eyes begging for unnecessary forgiveness. "You can't fix it, and no you didn't do anything wrong. You did everything right…I can't…" I tugged my hand to free it, but she held on tighter.

"Jane, you know I love you no matter what."

"Please stop saying that…." I yanked my hand free.

Maura flinched, "But it's true."

I shook my head, "Not the way I want it to be, not the way I want you to." I rasped the words out, taking a step back.

"I'm confused by that statement." Maura cocked her head, her brow furrowing. "I might be emotionally awkward, but I've said this to you numerous times in the past. Why does it bother you now?"

I opened my mouth to say something when my phone buzzed, I pulled it out and saw Agent Parsons sent me a message. "Lunch? Dr. Isles said you were free for lunch." I held up the phone, now infurated. "Why? Why set me up?"

Maura stepped back, her face going pale. "I thought…"

I shook my head, "Stop thinking, Maura! Just stop!" I half shouted at her, my mind losing it's hold on me. "I don't want to date Parsons. I don't want to date anyone, or search anyone out!"

"Why? You need someone, we all need the security and safety having a partner brings to our mental state." Maura whispered, eyeing me with fear.

I threw my hands up, "Because! I have someone, Maur! I have you! You're all I need, want and for fuck's sake, for a genius you're very blind. I'm stupidly in love with you and I'm tired of fighting it. I figured it out weeks ago, shit, I figured it out a week into being friends with you. It doesn't make a god damn bit of sense to me, you're my best friend. But I can only see my future with you by my side. Not some stupid FBI Agent or unavailable Army officer, or Antonio from the old neighborhood Ma thinks would be a good husband. It's you, Maura Isles. Just you! I love you!" I spat the last few words, having run out of breath. "You've always been there for me, no matter what and I want more and to give you more." I glanced up, panic surging at the sheer look of panic on Maura's face. "Shit. Shit. Shit." I backed up out of her office, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." I rushed around the corner and dove into the elevator, ignoring Maura's teary voice calling out for me.

That was the last time I saw Maura for three months.

My leg bounced as I sat outside her room, listening to Barry and Maura laugh. At least she recognized him. I leaned forward, cradling my head in my hands and covering my ears to block out the sound of her laugh. I loved that sound, but not now. Not when Maura had no clue who I was.

I closed my eyes, tuning everything out, including the pain in my chest.

"Jane?" Barry's voice and hand on my shoulder startled me.

My head shot up, "She remember anything more?"

Barry's smile faded, "She knows me, Korsak, Cavanaugh, Frankie, her staff and your ma. We only went over the pictures I brought, the doctor didn't want me to ask about her attack until she had a better idea on her memories." He looked down, averting his eyes. "I'm sorry."

I stood up, pacing as I bit my thumbnail. "But not me." I wanted to cry and throw up.

"I'm going to get the doctor, maybe she can explain things." Barry spun around, hurrying over to the nurses station.

I turned, looking in Maura's room. She sat peacefully, looking out the window. I huffed and walked into the room. She turned at the sound of my footsteps, her smile turning careful. "Hello Detective."

I smiled, biting my thumbnail hard to prevent from crying. "Hey you. How did your talk with Barry go?" I knew Barry wouldn't lie, but I had to see for myself.

"Good. My memories are coming together." She sat straighter in the bed. "How long have you been a detective? I don't ever remember seeing you."

I winced at her words, wanting to cry and grab her. Shake Maura until her brain shifted and she remembered me. "Awhile. I've been in homicide awhile." I began to nervously rub at the scars on my hands. "Are you sure you never saw me? Maybe in the café?" I silently prayed to god to forgive me for forgetting him all those years ago and give Maura back to me.

Maura tipped her head down, eyes on the blanket in her hands. "I'm very sure Detective. Barold showed me your photograph." She looked up at me, and I saw no glimmer of recognition, "He said we knew each other."

I blew out a sardonic laugh, "You could say that." I rubbed harder at my scars, feeling them balk at the pressure I was inflicting. I winced but kept pushing on them. It was the only way to fight the tears.

"You shouldn't push so hard on those scars. They'll become inflamed and hurt more." Maura whispered, looking at my hands. "If you don't mind me asking, what happened to your hands? I might have a few creams and exercises I can recommend to aid in the pain control."

Maura's genuine care for others was still there, but her question crumbled my will to pieces. I shook my head and turned as tears ran down my cheek. I'd been completely erased from her brain. Everything. Including the moment I killed the man who gave me the scars to save her. "I'm sorry I bothered you, Dr. Isles. I need to go." I spun and ran out of her room, covering my mouth as a hard sob pushed it's way out.

-Maura-

Dr. Beauchamp stood at the edge of my bed, scribbling notes. Barold sat next to me, smiling at me like a patient parent. Making sure I wasn't alone as the doctor broke down her diagnosis.

"Dr. Isles, I believe you have a form of retrograde amnesia. We're going to do a few more tests and do a few more scans, but I think in time you might recover most of your memories." Dr. Beauchamp smiled, setting my chart under her arm. "Detective Frost, if you can give us a few more days before we going to her incident, I think that would be best. I want Dr. Isles to acclimate to her current state before we start pushing those missing memories."

I nodded, "To prevent a relapse and even more trauma. It's a fair diagnosis."

Dr. Beauchamp chuckled and quietly left the room, promising a nurse would be in to set up my tests for the next day. I turned to Barold. "Thank you for being here and calling my parents. I'll make sure to reimburse you for the satellite phone call." I was mildly downtrodden that my parents weren't rushing to my side. They were on a safari in Africa and it would be days before they could reach an airport. It was slowly settling in that all I really had was my police family. Including that strange and beautiful woman, Jane.

He grinned sheepishly, patting the top of my hand. "Anything for you, Doc."

I grinned back, enjoying his boyish charm. "Please tell everyone that they're more to welcome to start visiting after tomorrow. I'd like to see some of my friends. It'll be beneficial for my healing." I glanced at my hands, nerves flooding my body. "Can I ask you about your partner?"

Barold froze, his eyes widening. "Korsak?"

I shook my head slowly, cringing at the lingering pounding headache. "Detective Rizzoli."

"Oh, Jane." His voice drifted off.

"Why does she appear so distraught over my current state? She's very upset and ran out of my room earlier crying. Please apologize to her, I didn't think inquiring about her scars would be so insensitive of me." I sighed, tucking my thin hands under the blanket. I would have to ask Dr. Beauchamp more about my coma and why I lost so much weight. I also wanted to ask why even as Jane intimidated me, I felt safe whenever she was in the room. As if she was a brick wall people would have to climb or break through, to get anywhere near me. I noticed she wasn't like that with the doctors or nurses, just me. When she looked at me, her eyes changed, and it took the edge of the panic in my stomach waiting to spill out.

"Um, doc. Did she tell you how she got those scars?" Barold stumbled over his words.

I shrugged, "She ran out of the room, crying." I looked at him, "I feel terrible if I crossed a line. The nurse told me Detective Rizzoli has been by my side almost every night. That's incredibly kind of her, she's very dedicate to her job."

"She's very dedicated to you, Maura." Barold moved closer, "You really don't remember Jane at all? Nothing? Not even looking at pictures of the other Rizzoli's?"

"I'm sorry, I don't. I tried very hard. I just feel blank when I hear her name." I frowned, "Maybe when I see the other Rizzoli's it will click." I let out a slow breath, leaning back into the pillow. "Did I know her? Before my incident?"

Barold grinned, "You did. You and Jane were inseparable. Closer than anyone I'd ever met, you called yourselves life long best friends forever." He patted my shoulder, "You are her best friend, Maura."

I felt my heart stop and sink. "That's why she's crying." I felt my own eyes well up, guilt ridden that I couldn't remember this woman. My supposed best friend. I met Barold's eyes, sniffling as a tear slipped down. "I can't remember her."

I broke down, barely hearing his comforting whispers as he left to go get the doctor.

My heart ached as if it was missing something that made it complete, but my brain struggled placing what that exact something was.

-Jane-

I laid on the floor, empty beer bottles lined up next to my head. I stared at the ceiling, my dog curled up on my stomach sleeping happily. I hadn't moved in hours, because whenever I did, I broke down and would cry my eyes out. No matter how much I drank, the pain never went away. I muted my phone, so Barry wouldn't hear me cry as he explained Maura's amnesia. That the doctor might have a theory she'd run by us after Maura's test tomorrow. Rough idea is that since I was the last person to speak to Maura before her attack, her brain linked that to the attacked and shoved us to the back of the memory closet. Never to be dealt with until her brain healed. I half listened to Barry's words of support, telling me it would all be okay.

It wouldn't be okay. The only person who understood me, got me, forgot me. The one person I loved more than anyone ever, had no love for me. Not even as friends or friendly coworkers.

"God, what I wouldn't give to have her chastise me for calling a blood stain, a blood stain." I mumbled to myself, covering my eyes. I'd take anything, a sign that I should keep fighting for her. She broke me when she didn't remember Hoyt and my hands. She was the only person in this world I'd allow to touch my hands, and now I lost that.

I groaned, scaring Jo off my stomach. I was tired of crying and pushed to sit up. I need to take a shower, walk Jo and get more beer. I didn't want to turn into a drunk, ma would kill me, but I needed the numbness, so I could sleep and not constantly think of how much my heart hurt in my chest. I never knew how much space Maura occupied in that thing.

I climbed to my feet, grabbing a few empties as I shuffled to the kitchen. My phone buzzed, but I ignored it. It was almost midnight and I was off call rotation, plus I was half in the bag. No bodies for me tonight. God, I was turning morbidly bitter. Even Ma stopped calling afternoon I yelled at her, then apologized through text. After dumping the bottles in the recycling bin, the phone buzzed again. I leaned to look at the caller ID and saw the familiar number of the hospital, in particular, Maura's room.

I snatched the phone up, a surge of adrenaline hitting. "Rizzoli." Please lord, please don't let her slip away. I know I bitched about not having her like I used to, just don't take her away from me again.

"Detctive Rizzoli, I apologize for calling so late, but I couldn't sleep. I found your number on my chart as the emergency contact." Maura's voice was unsteady, unsure.

"Do you need anything? I can get a cab and be at the hospital in ten minutes." I stumbled to my room, searching out my jeans. Even the sound of her voice had my heart fluttering.

"Are we friends?" Maura spoke quickly.

I paused, mid bend in grabbing my jeans from under my bed. "What?"

Maura breathed slowly, before asking again. "Are we friends?" I could almost hear tears in her voice.

I sat on the edge of the bed, running a hand through tangled hair. "We are, Maur." I sighed hard, fighting my own tears. "You're my best friend in the world." A large silence filled the air, I shook my head. "Look, I know your brain is being a jerk, but I'd never lie to you." Another heartbreaking silence, "Um, you should get some rest. You've had a crazy couple of days."

"Jane." Maura spoke my name like it was the first time she was ever saying it. "Can you please come here. I'm…really scared and…you make me feel safe… even if you're a stranger to me." She drifted off.

"You don't need to explain, I'll be there in five minutes, Maur." I hung up, wiped away the tears and pulled my pants on.

Maybe there was hope.