Levi
When I agreed to come over to have dinner at Eren's, I'd have never expected to go (almost) skinny dipping in his pool. With him. Or kiss him. Or end up in his bedroom with a rather clear indication of where it was going.
But I'd hoped for it.
And now that it was actually happening, I felt like one big (okay, maybe small when it came to me) ball of nerves.
This was Eren.
Eren Jeager, a coveted celebrity at our school, and as I'd found out, not only due to his incredibly gorgeous, and incredibly unfair looks. I'd never been interested in getting to know him, and that was only because I'd judged before I'd even exchanged one word with him. Admittedly, I'd written him off as just another perfect alpha male. As one of the lucky ones people naturally gravitated to, even if they didn't do anything to garner their attention in the first place. That was just how he was. His charm came naturally, and everyone around him was hopelessly entwined in the strange magnetic pull he was emitting.
Never had I thought I'd belong to this crowd; the crowd who sought to be near Eren, to wallow in his sunny smile, to gaze into his bright eyes which looked like fucking perfect oceans while he told another one of his silly jokes. I wanted to be different, and usually I was. It came easy to me, almost like second nature. But ultimately, Eren had caught me in his web of glorious sarcasm and secret smiles, and the truth was, I didn't want to be set free. Not when it meant losing whatever we had. He was so... Different. Not only different to the stereotype I'd matched him up with, but so different than everyone else. He had something I couldn't put my finger on, something that clicked and locked with me unlike anything I'd ever known. He was making me feel all those things—things I was scared of, but yearning to feel at the same time. He'd wrapped me up so entirely that I didn't know if I could walk away from all of this without leaving a piece of me behind. And that was what I had to do at some point, because Eren was a dream and dreams were never supposed to come true. All you could do was revel in them, enjoy a piece of a reality you could never have, until you woke up with a tear in your eye and a smile on your lips to realize it was just that—a dream.
When Eren pushed the door open with his foot and hit his pinky toe in the process, I was wrenched right out of my reverie. I bit my lip to hide the gleeful chuckle that wanted to force itself out. I didn't even think about unlocking my legs from around his waist, even though that was the reason his walking was a little shaky. I felt right where I belonged, wrapped around his body, and that's where I wanted to stay. But Eren had other plans when he made a move to unglue my body from his.
He chuckled softly when he met my obvious resistance.
"We should get out of this wet underwear," he whispered into the crook of my neck, reigniting the goose bumps he'd put there to begin with.
Getting out of the icy fabric clinging to my skin actually sounded reasonable, so I let him set me down on legs that felt like legit jell-o. I'd spent too much time sitting on him to remember how the actual use of my legs worked. I shivered at the loss of his warm, wet skin on mine. All I wanted was to be close to him, to feel his everything on mine. Even a moment of distance was too much to endure for the state I was currently in.
A new wave of furious arousal shot straight through me when his fingertips found their way beneath the waistband of my boxers. Suddenly, I became very aware of the fact that this flimsy piece of fabric was the only thing that hid my most intimate part from Eren's eyes. My heart was pounding like a hydraulic hammer on the highest setting.
Fuck, I wanted this. I wanted him, so much more than I dared to admit. He was a piece of my very own dream, and I wanted him to come true. Tonight, and all the other nights I had left before I'd wake up to find him gone. Wanting him didn't chase away the serious case of jitters I was presently experiencing, though. He was... My first. My very first, which meant I'd never done this before, not with anyone, and I had no idea what I was doing or if this would hurt or if he'd enjoy it or...
Oh god, I had to calm the fuck down. It had been quite a long time since I'd truly desired something, but Eren had turned out to be one of those things. This was my opportunity to get him just like I was craving to have him, and if I managed to blow this I'd never forgive myself.
"Can I?" Eren asked, his fingers tugging on my boxers.
I swallowed as I met his burning green gaze and nodded. Soft shudders went down my spine when he pressed his warm lips to the spot just above the waistband. He didn't stop there though, instead he kissed his way down my body—my stomach, my hip, my thigh; taking the wet material along with him. When the cool air touched my overheated length, I fought down a small sound of unease. I was utterly bare now, and Eren would just have to tilt his head up the tiniest bit to see me—all of me, and the thought filled me with a fierce mix of excitement and self-consciousness up to my very core. He was so close, we were so close, and I was only now beginning to realize that this was really happening. Eren was kissing me, whispering the sweetest things into my skin, and he was... Damn, he was just making this so perfect. My legs were quivering beneath his touch, and the remaining drops of water from the pool were joined by warm beads of sweat. He inhaled the traces of salt and faint chlorine on my skin, before he lapped at them with his tongue. A quiet moan escaped me at the enticing view of him on his knees before me, his pink tongue dipping out to lick away at my overly susceptible skin. Suddenly, he was not close enough. I tugged him to his feet, but only after he'd placed a sweet, little kiss to the base of my cock, and buried my face against his bare chest to revel in the warmth his tan skin provided. I just needed one moment of feeling him holding me tight to chase the tension away, which was still refusing to leave. I took a deep breath, hoping he wouldn't notice just how close I was to having a mental breakdown, and listened to his accelerated heartbeat. Pulling back an inch, he bent down and got rid of his own underwear. I heard a faint rustle when they met the floor, and knew he was just as bare as I was. My eyes caught on his, on the way they seemed to sparkle with excitement. He was so gorgeous, sometimes I felt the weirdest urge to squeeze him and see if he was even real. I tried to linger on his eyes, I really did, but it was useless to fight the pull forcing me to let my eyes wander. My gaze dropped and traveled over him—taking in his beautiful sun-kissed skin, the taut muscles flexing with each movement, the droplets of water whispering over his tone body—and when it met the hard length between his legs, I gasped. I heard him chuckle, and the next thing I knew, my chin was between his fingers, and his tongue in my mouth. I let myself fall, first into the kiss and then into his arms when he lifted me up and carried me to the bed. His navy covers were soft and floral-scented, and I had to smile when I realized he must have changed them today.
"Ah, Eren—" I had trouble recognizing this needy voice as my own, but that was just the way I reacted to him. He was bringing out sides of me I'd never known.
His lips followed their mission to mark every inch of my skin, and that was exactly what I wanted. When he slid on top of me, and I felt his unfamiliar but perfect weight, I buried my hands in his chocolate-colored hair with a grip that was tight, but not so much that it would hurt him. He moaned when I began to brush my fingers through his wet hair. Eren kissed me again, his hot tongue slipping between my lips to stroke over mine, tasting everything I was longing to give him. The kiss was long and sloppy, wetness spilling over to whisper over both of our lips, but I didn't care. Not with him. Then, he sat back on his heels between my legs and let his eyes wander over me. The self-consciousness hit me like a fully loaded freight train, and I involuntarily closed my legs. Only that Eren wouldn't let me. I bit my lip as he shook his head with this utterly irresistible smile playing on his lips, telling me no, while he kept my legs open to bare me to his voracious gaze. I felt hot all over, as if the entire surface of my skin was catching fire. My face was feverish, my mouth dry. Having him stare at me like this was as unnerving as it was thrilling. His eyes made me feel as if he was touching me with their intensity, but what I needed was his hands on me. All of me.
"Eren, please... Touch me," I whispered in a quiet plea.
"You're so gorgeous, you know that?" He said in awe, before he leaned forward and began to circle one of my nipples with his fingertip. I trembled and moaned—until I screamed out when he caught the tip between his fingers and pinched it with just the right amount of pressure.
Fuck, why the hell was I being so sensitive here?
"God, you have no idea how bad I wanted to do this. And... You like it here, don't you?" Eren hummed appreciatively, the words accompanied by a teasing twinkle in his eye.
My response was swallowed by a breathy moan when he continued his sweet torture on both of my nipples. I couldn't quite believe my eyes when he leaned in to take one of the tight nubs between his lips. His hot tongue rolled around the tip, before he gave it a long suck that had me bucking into his mouth. He chuckled against my skin, the warm air that left his mouth whispering over me feeling like the softest kiss. I was entirely at his mercy, and that was exactly where I wanted to be. For now, I was his.
He continued to lick and suck my nipples until they became too sensitive to take any more, leaving them wet and hard. My erection was pounding painfully, longing to be touched by him. As if he'd read my mind, Eren's mouth traveled lower on my body, until it met the soft skin just above my pulsing length. I shivered and trembled, unable to stay in control when he was touching me like he did.
"Levi, I... I want to have a taste," Eren said questioningly, as if there was actually the tiniest chance of me turning him down. "Will you let me?"
Eren's emerald gaze fixed on me, asking for permission and looking for doubts at the same time. He wouldn't find any.
"Yes," I whispered. "You can do whatever you want to me, Eren. Don't hold back. I... trust you."
And I did. Even with something as huge as what was about to happen between us, I trusted him. My eyes never left his, my heart thrumming inside my chest when I saw that beautiful sparkle I'd been hoping my words would elicit light up his gorgeous eyes.
"God, you... You drive me crazy."
He smiled up at me from his spot on my stomach, before he pressed innocent little kisses to the skin below my navel. My cheeks flared a hot scarlet when his throat rasped over my cock again and again.
Okay, that was it. I must have slipped while I got out of the pool earlier and hit my head, because there was no way Eren Jeager's head was bouncing between my legs while he told me how I was the one driving him crazy was true-to-goodness actuality.
"You've already been crazy before you met me," I chuckled.
He laughed against my belly, before he bit me as a reprimand.
"Are you sure you're in the position to be cheeky right now?"
I wiggled playfully against him before I replied, "Which position do you mean?"
"The position in which your dick is one inch away from my mouth and I just have to lean in to suck you off until you scream?"
Oh, dear god.
His words were echoing through my head, but I still had trouble believing they'd actually just left his lips. My face flushed with heat, and I reached out to pinch Eren's arm in an embarrassed knee-jerk reaction.
"Damn, kudos to your subtlety," I mumbled, my eyes looking anywhere but him.
Eren laughed and nuzzled my thigh, before he teased up a crimson kiss mark on the tender skin, just where I'd feel it most.
"Subtle? So that's what you want me to be?"
"Well, I—FUCK!" My hands shot into his hair as he dipped down between my legs and licked squarely across the tip of my cock. I panted raggedly, any coherent words entirely lost to the feeling of having him where I wanted him most.
"Hm? You wanted to say something, I believe?" He was such a little tease.
I bit my lip and willed my next words to sound controlled and even, but failed despite my efforts.
"You... Oh god, Eren, do that again... Don't have to be subtle—ahhh, I mean... OH FUCK YES, RIGHT THERE!"
My hips bounced off the bed as I felt his plush lips pursing over my tip and licking the wet precome off as if it was the most delicious thing ever. It was an intoxicating show, and so utterly addicting.
"Mmmh, you taste so good," he murmured, his lips widening in a smile around my length. I should stop watching him. All it did was making holding back impossible, and yet I couldn't tear my eyes away as his gaze met mine and he continued to sink down on me, my twitching cock disappearing into his wet heat bit by bit. His gorgeous green pools fell shut as he got serious, his intense suckling joined by a tight grip around my base to stroke me until I felt like fainting on the spot.
"Mhhh, ahhh—Eren, fuck... This feels so fucking amazing," I moaned, any semblance of reserve forgotten. I pushed my hips up and into his mouth, desperately needing more—more touch, more lips, more him.
Eren teased my foreskin until I screamed and bunched up the covers between my palms, thrashing around on the bed as if I was about to take my last breath. His hand never ceased to stroke me hard and fast, while his lips licked and sucked with the rhythm to match.
"F-Fuck, Eren... God... I-I'm so close..."
He pressed the tip of his tongue flat against the sensitive spot just below my glans, making me scream out again and tug on his hair so roughly that it had to hurt. I had no control over what I was doing at this point. His hand pumped me roughly—once, twice, thrice. I was about to burst. The hot coil inside my belly clenched tighter and tighter, and with a final suck on my dripping length, I spiraled over the edge and drenched Eren's lips in pearly white come.
I met his blazing green eyes staring up at me for the fraction of a second before he was on me, hands tangling in my hair, tongue pushing inside my mouth. I tasted myself on his lips, bitter and slick. My legs wrapped around his waist in a near-death grip, and I pressed my mouth to his ear, begging him to give me more. When he reached behind my head and produced a small white bottle, I didn't have to see the label to know what it was. We were really doing this, weren't we?
He uncapped the bottle and drizzled a liberal amount of the clear liquid onto his hand, rubbing it up and down his long fingers before warming it between his palms by rubbing them gently against each other. At first, all I could do was stare and think about where those fingers would be going in just a few more moments. When I felt his slick hand massaging my perineum, I cried out and slammed my legs closed.
Eren shot me a questioning look, which was soon taken over by a mix of worry and uncertainty. His brow creased, and he bit his lip, looking down at me intently.
"Hey, we don't have to—"
"No!" I cut him off more loudly than I intended to. "It's just that I... I've never... This is my first time, you know, to..."
I trailed off in embarrassment and hid my face behind my arms. God, first I acted like oh-so-suave, riding his hips and urging him on, and now he was faced with the blushing virgin I really was. I didn't dare to look up and see the disappointment in his eyes, which was sure to be there. There was an unfamiliar sting pricking my eyes, and when I realized why, I wanted to slap myself back to reason. If I cried on top of my stupid confession, I'd have truly hit rock-bottom.
I refused to move, but I didn't have to. Eren's warm weight pressed down on top of me, and in the next moment, I felt his lips whispering over my hands covering my face.
"Levi," he murmured against my skin, so soft and careful. "It's my first too, you know. Let's wait, okay? We can just... Cuddle? Do you like cuddling? Because I'm dying to cuddle with you."
As if to prove his point, his arms wrapped around my shoulders and he nosed against my neck, placing dozens of sweet little kisses on the heated skin. Why did he have to be so perfect? He was funny, gorgeous, sweet... And now he even had to be caring on top of it all? Caring enough to read the situation and make me feel at ease, even when I'd been a mere second away from breaking down into a sobbing mess?
How could I not fall for this guy? How could anyone not fall for him?
When he tried to pull my hands from my face this time, I let him. He bent down and kissed every inch of my face, my cheeks, my jaw, my forehead. Every kiss he gave me chased another tingle of nerves away, until the only thing left was affection and need; the need to share something with him no one could ever take from me. I was nervous still, but not so much that it overshadowed how much I wanted him right now. I was ready.
"No," I whispered against his lips when he kissed me again. "I don't want to wait. I... I want you, Eren."
His green eyes widened, a hungry glint glossing them over as he growled, "Mh, say that again."
"Shut up," I replied abashedly.
He giggled and bit my collarbone, before he eagerly put more lube onto his fingers and returned back to where we'd stopped. His index finger circled my twitching entrance, and I turned my head to release a strangled groan into the pillow next to me.
Eren kissed a feather-light trail from my cheek to my lips before he whispered, "Ready?"
"Mhm," I whispered back.
When his slicked finger pressed into me, I had no chance of holding back the little moans and gasps that forced their way out. The sensation was too intense to keep quiet; trying was futile. I listened to the sound of Eren's ragged breathing, attempting to focus on only him. Soon, another finger followed the first one. I thrashed and whimpered helplessly beneath him. He whispered sweet, soothing nothings into my ear, my skin, my hair as he continued to work me open as gently as he could. The feeling was foreign, but not unpleasant. Not when he was the one doing it to me.
When a third finger slipped inside me, I cried out at the lingering sting it left behind. I felt incredibly full and stretched open around his digits, which were slowly moving in and out. After he continued his steady rhythm for a while, I managed to relax a bit. The tension left my legs and I let them fall open to accommodate Eren in between. He took the invitation right away and slipped back on top of me.
"Oh god, you're so hot... Levi, I-I don't know if I can hold back any longer..." Eren said hoarsely.
His tan cheeks were beautifully flushed with color, his breathing coming on short-winded puffs. As if he couldn't bear the distance, he leaned in and kissed me again, long and hard. The moan that whooshed out of me when his fingers left me was swallowed by his mouth on mine. He reached behind me once again, his fingers fumbling for the condom package in the nightstand's drawer. When he finally managed to grab one, he pulled back and ripped it open with his teeth, just like they did in the movies. No one, not even some hot actor in great demand, would look as sexy doing it as Eren did, though. I was sure of that.
Before the rubber could meet his length, I pushed myself up on my elbows and snatched it from his fingers.
"Let me," I breathed, watching as my own fingers trembled when I touched the condom to the wet tip of his cock.
I rolled it on, biting my lip. Eren's eyes were on me the whole time, and I felt it even if I didn't look up to meet them. I gave him a quick kiss when I was done. From here on out, I trusted him to take care of me. His arm slipped behind my back, and I let myself fall as he laid me back down. His nails trailed down my thigh, and he hitched my leg around his waist, leaving the other for me to follow. I took a deep breath and my eyes settled on him. Eren bit his lip, his eyes narrowed in concentration, as he aligned himself with my stretched, slick opening. A small drop of sweat fell from his chin to land on my cheek. Another last minute surge of nerves hit me as reality struck once again, making my eyes snap to his cock. Damn, he really was huge, and I wasn't sure if I could—
My train of thought lost all coherence when I felt Eren's body slide in place on top of me, where he belonged. His warm hands cupped my face and began to draw soft circles on my cheekbones.
"Hey, shh," he soothed gently, "Don't worry, I've got you. Keep your eyes on me, okay? Only me."
With that, he leaned in and kissed me again, so sweet and slow that I knew it was meant to be a back up for his words. I inhaled deeply and did as he told me. The moment I met his vibrant green eyes, I felt myself relax. Eren was here with me, and he'd never do anything to hurt me. He had me, just like he promised.
Another second of silence passed and I nodded at him, giving him the okay. And then, he began to push into me.
My arms shot up on instinct, nails burying in his shoulders and sinking deeper with each inch he pressed inside me. And pressing it was, because I involuntarily tightened up at the unfamiliar intrusion in an attempt to fight back the pain.
"Ahh, I-I'm sorry... I'm being as gentle as I can, please... Hold on. Just... Scratch me. As much as you want," Eren begged in a gruff voice.
God, this hurt. I felt like being stretched up to a breaking point with every bit he covered, until a burning sting began to settle deep inside me. I shifted restlessly beneath him, trying to find a position that would alleviate the pain to some small extent. Hot tears stung my eyes. When one of them threatened to fall, I quickly wiped at it with the back of my hand. Through a blurry curtain of wetness, I looked up at Eren, only to find his searing gaze fixed on me. A shudder raced down my spine at the intensity his eyes emitted. I felt as if he wanted to devour me whole, and god, how I wanted him to. This was really happening, and no amount of pain could take away the wave of pure bliss that washed over me. Right now, he was mine, and I was his.
Eren pushed inside me to the hilt, and upon feeling it, we both moaned each other's name. He gave me a few moments to adjust, and when I nodded up at him after, my eyes surely as pleading as his, he started to move. It was soft and sweet and gentle at first, but soon that wasn't enough. I needed more. My nails sunk into the soft skin on his back and sides, scratching and marking him with angry red lines.
"Fuck, Levi," Eren rasped. "You feel so good, so... Perfect."
I moaned huskily in response, and began to push my hips down to meet him half-way. When the first tears finally fell, I did nothing to stop them. I was too overwhelmed with emotions, with the sheer intensity of him, of us together, that I needed to let go. The sight of Eren pushing into me again and again, his lips parted on rough pants, his eyes never once leaving mine—topped off with the feeling of him inside me, was too much for me to have any hope of lasting.
"E-Eren, I-I'm... Damn. D-Don't stop, please," I groaned.
His lips found their way down to my eyes and he licked my salty tears away, driving goose bumps all over my skin. Then he kissed me at the same time as his palm closed around my rock-hard dick and began to pump and squeeze in a tempo that had me screaming his name.
"Ahh, Eren, I'm c—" I bit into his shoulder to muffle my helpless cry.
"Me too, Levi, just let go," Eren whispered into the crook of my neck, shivering slightly when he received my rough bite.
His thumb flicked over the tip of my cock—and oh damn, I was so wet—while he pumped me even faster and harder, and then I did let go.
My orgasm hit me like a literal tidal wave, sweeping me off my feet and plunging me into a wild swirl of sensations. I was hyperaware of everything—his cock slamming into me, chasing me straight through my climax, his sweaty hand wrapped around my length, his slick body on mine, his tongue licking into my mouth. I squeezed tightly around him as I showered my stomach with come, and it was enough to tip him over the edge with me, my name falling from his lips in a drawn-out moan as he followed me into sweet afterglow.
I woke to a soft breeze whispering over my bare legs. My eyes fluttered open, still heavy with sleep, and I found an open balcony door and a starry night behind it. How late was it?
I stretched languidly and kicked the blanket away from my body. I never slept in the nude, and now I was wondering why. It felt so liberating, and I quite liked the way the cool satin sheets whispered over my too-warm body. Stretching my arms until they gave a satisfying pop, I yawned quietly and turned around to go back to sleep. Suddenly my skin met something that felt very much like skin, too—just not my own. I jolted into a state of proper alertness and involuntarily grabbed for the blanket in the dim light to cover myself. My eyes followed a tawny curve of calves, over a lean waist and broad muscular chest up to lock on twinkling green eyes. And then, everything hit me at once. This was real. I was in Eren's room, in his bed, and what we'd done was surely not some kind of elaborate lucid dream. Not with the way my ass screamed in pain and my hips pounded in tune with it.
"Welcome back," Eren smirked. He leaned in and brushed my (undoubtedly) hopeless bed hair behind my ear.
I rubbed my eyes in hope of appearing sleep-hazy, when in reality I wanted to make sure Eren was really here in bed with me. Maybe I was dreaming after all?
"Mh, I've fallen asleep?" I said, but it came out more like a question. My throat was raw from... Sleep? Or maybe from screaming Eren's name so loud, which somehow seemed more likely.
"More like passed out," Eren laughed and pinched my earlobe.
I swatted him away, but the smile had already found its way on my lips.
"You're not that good, you know," I said, rolling my eyes.
Apparently, Eren begged to differ on that one. He pushed me down in a heartbeat, his hand squeezing my thigh. I bit my lip and fought to keep my eyes from falling shut when the memories of our first time flooded back into my mind and rendered me breathless.
Our first time.
I felt the most ridiculous urge to squeal like a high school girl, but fortunately I managed to save myself (and Eren) from this awkwardness.
"Excuse me? Did you say I wasn't good? You're asking for a redo, you know that?"
I tried to whack him away as he began moving on top of me, his smooth skin touching all the right places, his voice whispering seductively into my ear how good I'd felt and how bad he wanted me again and again after that. A sweet tremble went through me when I realized that he found me attractive enough to want me for more than a one-time thing.
"Eren... Stop...," I breathed half-heartedly, but even to my own ears it sounded weak and phony.
"No, I won't. God Levi, I want you. So bad. Please... Let me have you," he murmured, his breath hot and moist against my neck.
His hand slipped past my growing erection to knead my ass cheek. His needy touch sent a shockwave of pain straight through my bottom half, which was a harsh reminder that this had been my first time and that I felt exactly like you were supposed to feel after having bottomed for the first time—painfully sore.
"Wait, Eren... I want to, but... My ass is hurting like a bitch," I confessed.
He ceased all movement as soon as the words had left my mouth. I wanted to kiss the obvious disappointment right out of his eyes, but he was quick to erase it and replace it with quiet understanding instead. He nuzzled my nape and kissed a soft trail up along my jawline before he placed a feather-light kiss on my lips.
"I'm so sorry. I was too rough on you," he said worriedly.
I shook my head and slipped my hands into his hair. They were all dry and super soft by now. I wanted to keep playing with the chestnut strands all night, even more so because I knew how much he liked it.
"You were not. I wanted you to be rough," I whispered, my cheeks warming up with embarrassment.
"Hm? So you like it rough?"
"So what if I do?" I smirked, and punched his shoulder when he threw me a knowing glance.
"Well, if you do," he said, settling on his elbows to either side of my head and pecking my nose. "It will be even harder to contain myself from fucking you every day, and believe me, it's beyond hard already."
Fucking.
I wasn't one of those wimps who'd call whatever we just had "making love" or any of that sappy shit, but fucking sounded so cold. Especially when I replayed the way he'd looked at me with those eyes, trying his best not to hurt me while making this as good for me as it could be. But that was what I was, right? A summer fuck. I shouldn't make the mistake to interpret this as anything more than that. There was no way someone like Eren would get serious with someone like me, and I wasn't delusional enough to think otherwise. At least that was what I was trying to make myself believe with every bone in my body, and yet still, his words had left a bitter taste in my mouth.
I turned away from him, because I was sure I couldn't hide the quick flicker of hurt that fluttered over my face. I knew we couldn't possibly be more, but I'd still nursed the tiniest sliver of hope. The worst thing was that I'd not even known it was there—not until it got crushed by the weight of reality. Guess this was my wake up call.
Eren slipped behind me and wrapped his arms around my middle, holding me tight.
"Are you okay? How bad are you hurting? Can I get you anything?"
His words kissed the back of my neck like a caress, so soft and filled with worry, and suddenly I felt like crying. Maybe I shouldn't seek more contact than what we'd shared, but I couldn't stay away. Even if all of this was just an illusion and falling for him more than I already had would set me up for heartbreak, I needed to feel him close to me. It was the only way the painful grip around my heart would fade to a dull ache. And so I pressed my back to his front and let myself fall into his embrace, as if he was mine. As if I was his.
"Not t'bad," I mumbled around a yawn, all of a sudden feeling impossibly tired. "Just hold me. Hold me tight."
I fell asleep to his kisses on my neck and his arms around my body—tight, just like I asked him to.