Warning: This chapter may get dark, not sure where it's going to go yet I'll explain more at the end of the chapter.
Taylor's face bounced off from the locker, she spun around to see who had shoved her but there was a large group and it was too difficult to single out one person. Slipping into the nearest bathroom she inspected her face and noticed it was already swelling, pulling her hair and hood over her face she walked to her next class. Sighing as she fell into her seat she was grateful it was the last class of the day.
"Hey Taylor, if you wait ten minutes I can drive you home today." Lena stopped her youngest daughter. All the other kids had afterschool activities, Jesus had volleyball, Mariana went out with Lexi, Brandon had piano, Jude had tutoring and Callie had group. Taylor shook her head slowly, making sure her hair wouldn't move away from her face, "It's alright, I don't mind walking." Taylor replied quietly. Lena nodded distracted, "Okay, I'll be home soon, it'll just be you at home until I get there, mom's working and the rest of the kids are out but I'll be home soon." Taylor just nodded again and ran out of the school.
Getting just a few steps out of the door she began crying, running faster and crying. As soon as she believed that she was far enough away she fell to the ground crying. Slowly getting herself together Taylor stood and ran the rest of the way home. Slamming her bedroom door behind her and locking it she kept crying. It was only a bruise, what was she crying so hard? Taylor sighed, "it's taking my back under." She whispered. Throwing her bang to the ground she jumped when it made a noise. Taylor began pacing around her room, locking her door on her for pass by the door. Ripping threw Callie's clothes Taylor found what she was looking for, the pocket knife Callie always kept hidden, just in case something ever happened in the house. Pulling out the blade Taylor's tears came back, rushing down her face.
Slowly placing the knife on her skin she took a small breath, "You can stop this Tay, you haven't cut the skin yet, put down the knife and it'll be alright, you've never gone this far before." She kept whispering "put it down, you've never gone this far before, put it down." To herself. Taylor began to sob harder, pulling the knife away from her skin and putting it on her bed and then gently next to her skin, still not cutting yet. Taylor was crying silently at the point she heard the door open. "Taylor, I'm home!" She heard Lena call out. Taylor looked at the knife resting on her arm, waiting and faced her radio to turn up her music, let it calm you, she whispered to herself. "Taylor?" Lena called again.
Holding the knife to her skin she took a shaky breath, "Lena!" She cried out helplessly, "Help." She whispered. "Lena!" She screamed frantically again, she heard Lena start up the stairs, quickly, she was most likely worried about the distress in her daughter's voice. Taylor heard the door try to open, "Taylor? Taylor, sweetie what's going on? Why's the door locked?" Lena said panicked. "I'm scared." Taylor sobbed. Lena was fidgeting with the door, Taylor could hear it, "Taylor open the door okay? Just unlock it and I'll help you okay?" Taylor nodded silently, slowly moving over to the door, the knife still against her arm. She slowly unlocked it and sat back down on her bed, hearing the door unlock Lena shoved it open. "Momma." Taylor whispered. Lena stood mortified in the doorway, just for a moment before Taylor spoke again, "I didn't do it yet, but I can't put it down." She whisper with tears streaming down her face.
Lena took a small step forward, "It's okay Taylor, sweetie it's alright." Taylor nodded looking down at her arm. Lena took another few steps, "I'm gonna come sit with you alright? Okay sweets?" Lena pleaded. Taylor shook her head again looking up and running her hand through her hair, "I don't know why." She whispered, "I don't know what I did to feel like this." She whispered. Lena smiled, "You didn't do anything, that's the problem, you could be having the best day of your life and the darkness pulls you under, I understand it. But life is precious okay, remember last time, I told you I knew what it was like? I'm going to get you through this alright." Lena softly murmured to her daughter sitting next to her on the bed. Taylor nodded slowly as her tears began to dry up.
"Can you give me the knife?" Lena said slowly moving her hand closer to Taylor's arm, without startling her.
Taylor shook her head no, slowly, "I want to stop hating myself for no reason though, this will at least give me a reason." She whispered.
Lena again moved only half an inch, "You don't have to hate yourself at all, think about it, you're a great sister, a great daughter and a great girlfriend, why do you have to hate yourself? Just give me the knife alright?" She slowly coaxed.
Taylor nodded, slowly removing the knife from her arm and closed the blade, placing it in Lena's hands. Lena gratefully took the knife and threw it to the other side of her so that Lena was between Taylor and the knife. She pulled Taylor into a hug and cried silently as her daughter sobbed into her lap. "Momma, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." Taylor kept sobbing. "I don't know why I can't just be happy, I just want to be happy." Lena took a small breath calming her own emotions, "You are happy sweetie, you're just sick, we'll help you, I'm gonna help you." She whispered stroking her daughter's hair as her daughter continued crying in her lap.
"Stef it was terrifying." Lena whispered into her phone, she had calmed Taylor down and brought her down stairs. Taylor had fallen asleep on the couch with tears on her cheeks. "No, she didn't leave any marks, or draw any blood." Lena whispered, "Okay get home soon please, we need to figure this out." Lena hung up the phone and stood staring at her daughter, not sure what she was going to do, she couldn't just let her stay this depressed, but that label, for Taylor may not help much either.
As Lena placed a blanket over Taylor, Taylor raised her head slightly, "I'm sorry, I don't understand it." She whispered, Lena smiled but had tears in her eyes. She gave Taylor a quick kiss on the forehead and just nodded.
Author's note:
This wasn't the chapter I had originally planned, I tend to put a lot of myself into Taylor, so take what you must as mine from the story and what is purely Taylor's but that's where this chapter came from, a lot of crap I've had to deal with. I will be updating with my plan for the original chapter soon. so let me know what you thought, and how you think Stef and Lena are going to deal with this. Thanks! oh and of course, the reviews for the last chapter(s) were lovely thank you!