N: This chapter went where it wanted to. I had to do something to separate them, to give Maura the chance to think on her own without the doubt it's her PTSD pushing her feelings for Jane. And jane is jane. She's doing what she thinks is right no matter how much it hurts. Next chapter will be Maura getting into her journals and slowly getting her memories back. Writing these two is harder than i thought, they both get so stoic and tough at times when they want to protect one another.

This chapter has been edited a bit, writing on your phone sometimes doesn't work out too well.

Also, i have a bunch of books over on Amazon under Sydney Gibson. You should head on over and get your next summer read!

Enjoy!

Jane

I'd just gotten Maura settled in the passenger seat when my cellphone went nuts in my back pocket. I groaned, answering it. "Frankie, tell ma to relax. I'm bringing Maura home." I closed the passenger door and leaned against it.

"Don't bring her home, Janie." The serious tone in his voice had my adrenaline rolling fast.

"What happened?" I scanned the parking lot, all of my senses screaming into high alert.

Frankie sighed. I could hear the rumble and shuffle of police officers at a scene, a hint of Frost yelling in the background. "It's a mess, Janie. Frost thinks your guy broke in last night looking for the doc and took his rage out on her house. Shit's a mess. He broke anything he could get his hands on. He tore up photographs, and spray painted his jacked-up thoughts on the wall in her bedroom. It's personal with him. Maura's not safe."

"Send me pics as soon as you can. Then tell Frost to get CSRU all over it, not one inch is to go uninvestigated. Is ma safe?" I ran a hand through my hair, tugging on the ends out of nervous habit.

"Ma is still at work, Korsak is with her. She's currently giving him dating advice and oblivious to what happened." Frankie huffed, he was shaken and that wasn't a good sign. I'd never admit it, but Frankie was tougher than me. "Jane, this is the worst I've ever seen. Even Hoyt would be shaken up by this guy."

"I have to get Maura somewhere else. She's not safe with any of us. If he knew where she lived, he knows where we all live." I swallowed hard, looking down at Maura smiling softly at me. My gut shouted I had to do something we both wouldn't like, but then again, my guts priority was always the safety of those I loved dearly. I paced, trying to think of places to take her. BPD has safe houses, but I was debating how safe they were with this hawk jerk prowling around.

I could call Agent Davies and call in a massive favor. Then I'd have to endure polite dinner invitations for the next six months and turning down the poor bastard.

"Janie? Frost said we've got a God set of fingerprints he can run through AFIS and NCIC." Frankie paused, "I don't like this. All the stuff I've seen, and this… it's Maura's house. It's too close. What we're going to do?"

I let out a slow breath. "I guess I have to call the FBI. Let me get Maura to safety and I'll meet you back at the station. Also, don't you dare tell ma. Just tell her Maura needed to fumigate or has renovators coming in to fix whatever. Then take ma over to Carla Talucci's. No one would dare step on that woman's porch and expect to leave with both feet for messing with family."

Frankie agreed and the second I hung up with him, my phone was ringing again. I answered it quickly, "Rizzoli."

"Ah hello Jane, it's Constance Isles. I was wondering if you were with my daughter. I tried her cell many times and haven't heard from her." The soft English accent poured confidence.

I sighed, "She's with me." I glanced at Maura now staring at me with a frown. "If you're on your way to Boston, I suggest you wait a few more days. There's been a bit of a situation here."

"I'm actually in London. My flight to Boston was cancelled, I wanted to tell Maura I'd be on the next flight out after the weather cleared." Constance paused, "What is the situation, Jane? You have your stern detective tone."

London.

London could be just far enough away from Boston to keep Maura safe.

I swallowed down a thick lump, I would have to play this in a way Maura wouldn't resist. I would have to play this fast and hard. I would have to do something I really didn't want to. I looked at Maura and her hazel eyes that hovered around a muddy green today. I would do anything for those eyes and the woman who carried them, even if it meant putting more cracks in both of our hearts. I took in a deep breath and turned away from Maura. "Constance, Maura mentioned your family has a private jet on standby at Logan."

"Of course we do. It's the foundations and we leave it there to make it easier for Maura to come visit us whenever she'd like." Constance spoke firmly.

I dug in my pocket for the car keys, "Can you please call ahead and get your pilot ready. I'll have Maura there in twenty minutes. I'm sending her straight to London to you, Constance. I need you to take care of her until I can fix all of this and take over."

"Jane, what's happening?" Constance paused, "Did you find the man who hurt my daughter?"

"He found her. Now I'm going to find him, but I have to get Maura out of here." I rushed around the back of the car, struggling to push all of my emotions down and throw on the cold mask I normally wore on the job. What I was about to do, I couldn't waver and let my love for Maura make me weak.

I hung up on Constance after she politely agreed and went to set up the flight. I slid into the driver's seat, refusing to look at Maura as I started the car.

"Jane? Something's wrong, isn't it?" Her voice was soft, shaky.

I nodded, clenching my jaw as I pulled away from the curb. "I'm going to take care of it." I kept my eyes forward, rushing through the streets of Boston. My phone kept ringing, both Frankie and Frost calling incessantly. I growled, shoving the phone into the center console. Them calling every two seconds was doing very little in keeping me together.

Maura went to grab my hand, but I pulled it away. I saw the hurt flash over her eyes as she turned to look out her window, "Jane. This isn't the way to my home."

"I'm taking you to the airport." I took the off ramp to Logan, my palms sweating and heart thundering. The last thing I wanted to do was push Maura away when I just got her back, but I had to. This Hawk asshole was too close, and too shady for my liking.

"Why are you taking me to the airport?"

I didn't answer as I pulled into the private terminal Constance directed me to. The Lear jet sat like a big white beacon. I pulled up next to the rear of the plane and parked the car as the pilot began waving at us with a warm smile.

I blew out a slow breath, turning in my seat to face Maura. "You're getting on that plane. It will take you to London where your mother will meet you and she'll take over your care for the indefinite future." I cringed internally at how cold my tone was and the pain it was generating on her face. Even though I was still a stranger to Maura, my tones and shift in emotions had a profound effect on her. And I hated it. I hated that I was doing this to her.

Maura shook her head, "But I don't have a suitcase, and I want to go home. With you." She reached over, grabbing my forearm. "You're the only family I need to heal, Jane. You and the other Rizzoli's." She smiled softly, "Plus, I still have to take you on our first date." She tilted her head down, catching my eyes and the intense look I knew was locked in them. "Is it my case? Have you found my attacker? Jane, you're worrying me."

I shook my head, pulling free from her touch. "You need your real family, Maura. You don't know me, and I think playing along with the memory game like we have been is just building more lies for you to feel better about." I looked away from the tears filling her eyes. "I'm just teasing your brain into thinking I'm a good part of your life. You need to heal. You don't need me around to worry about and all the bullshit I bring into your life. I'm not good for you right now." I shoved the door open, hopping out into the cool afternoon air and gulping it down to sting away the tears and pain in my heart. I walked to her side, yanking the passenger door open and stepped back as the pilot came over to greet Maura and help her out.

Maura was so small and fragile looking as she held onto the pilot. I wanted to scoop her up and carry her onto that jet and go with her. I wanted to leave everything behind and just focus on her like I should've so many years ago.

Maura glared at me, tears sliding down her face. "Jane, why are you doing this?" She took a small step forward, leaning on her cane. "We love each other, right? Isn't that what you told me? Everything you told me last night...I don't want to leave you when we just met." Her voice wavered, and it almost shattered my soul.

I shrugged, her last few words biting deep and giving me more fuel to keep up this act. I needed Maura to hate me so she would leave. "I don't know what I was doing when I told you all of that. Maybe it was my stupid idea to get your brain to remember you don't love me, and we're just friends." I looked up at the blue sky. Thank god I could lie like a champ. "We're just friends, Maura. Coworkers who care a bit for each other. Call it a moment of weakness, or joy that you were finally awake." I sucked in a slow breath. Breaking Maura's heart was the only way to get her to get away from me willingly. I'd done if before with Paddy Doyle. I broke her heart and a canyon sized distance formed between us. "I shouldn't have taken advantage of you while you're still healing."

I nodded at the pilot, "You should get going. Your mother arranged for there to be an in-flight nurse to help you. You're in good hands." I began absently rubbing at the scars on my palms. I prayed Maura could eventually forgive me when this was all said and done. I pushed on a scar till it pushed back, making me wince. When I looked at her my heart begged for me to tell her I loved her and all this was because I loved her so much. But negotiating with Maura was impossible and would take too long, I had to break her heart and rely on the old Maura to show her head. The old Maura who would fight back as vicious as I gave it and walk away from me, never showing the amount of hurt I just drowned her in.

Maura tipped her head down, her shoulders shaking ever so slightly with quiet sobs. "Yes, I should." She walked slowly with the pilot. "Perhaps it will be better to be with my real family for a bit." Maura spoke in the same cold, distant tone she did in the days after I shot her biological father.

I pushed on my sunglasses, hiding my tears. I'd successfully done it. I'd shoved Maura away and hurt her enough that she wouldn't fight me. She looked at me, her eyes full of heartbreak, "Thank you, Jane. For being a lovely friend. Tell Angela I will talk to her when I land."

I nodded silently, walking away before she was even on the jet. I barely made it into the driver's seat before the sobs broke free. I cried as I squealed the tires and drove away from Maura. I wiped my cheeks and quickly called Frost. "Frost. I'm headed to Maura's house. Please tell me you got something on this jerk."

"Where's Maura?" Frost asked immediately, picking up the mild distress in my voice.

"Safe. I had to do something stupid to get her to leave, and I'm not telling anyone where she is, so don't ask." I let out a shaky sigh. "Tell me something."

Frost hesitated. "We have a lead. Hawk is actually Cooper Holton. A small-time drug manufacturer from the west coast. It looks like Maura testified against him in California long before she became the medical examiner here. It was her testimony that proved the drugs running through the lower half of California and killing people, was his. She was able to break down the chemistry and connect shavings from a copper pot to one Holton had in his house."

Frost let out a breath, "When he was found guilty, he had an outburst and threatened to kill everyone from judge to jury for his conviction. So far his lawyer, the prosecuting team, and one juror have been found dead over the last seven months. He's following through on his threats and traveling across the country to finish it. You'll see when you get here, Jane."

I pushed the accelerator down, the engine of the cruiser roaring to life. "How am I connected? I had nothing to do with Maura until she landed at BPD."

"Holton is vindictive. He worked with the Mexican cartel and learned a few things from them. Including you don't stop at the target, you take out all of the things the target loves." I could hear Frankie calling for Frost in the background. "I have to go, Jane. I'll see you when you get here."

I hung up, throwing the phone onto the passenger seat as I took the final exit to Maura's house. I cracked the window open to flush out the scent of Maura. I had to shake her loose, so I could focus on catching Holton and making him pay for the pain he inflicted on her. And the pain I inflicted on her because of his need for revenge.

Maura

"Dr. Isles? We're landing now." The nurse gently woke me up.

I rubbed my eyes, sitting forward. I'd taken a mild pain killer to sleep through the flight to London. It also helped keep my mind off the immense amount of pain settling in my heart. Pain caused by Jane Rizzoli and her sudden shift in behavior. I had an idea Jane could be cold and cutting, I'd witnessed it before when she was frustrated with the doctors treating me. I'd smiled at her tenacity then, but being on the receiving end of it, it struck deep into the middle of my heart. I had to fight not to cry and yell at the woman, knowing it was pointless. The thick walls of Jane Rizzoli had risen quickly, and it wasn't worth fighting. Jane had been right, I was still healing and vulnerable. Perhaps my feelings for her were misguided no matter how much it hurt.

I smiled my thanks to the nurse and sat up. My entire body ached from sitting for the flight, and as I shifted, strong pains radiated from my temples down to my toes. I knew my body wasn't prepared to fly, and it was risky for me to do so. But I also wasn't going to argue with Jane and endure more of her cold, biting behavior. It was her behavior on the tarmac that had me disbelieving in the stories of how our friendship was unbreakable. Friends didn't treat friends like this

Jane cast me out like I was a perp she didn't have enough evidence on. If Jane didn't want me there and her feelings had changed, then perhaps it was best for me to leave.

The nurse helped me down the jet stairs and to my mother waiting for me at the bottom. Her eyes betrayed her professional façade. They welled up as they took in my damaged physical appearance. I swallowed hard, suddenly wishing Jane… no. I wouldn't think of Jane anymore.

Mother immediately enveloped me in a solid embrace, "My dear girl, how incredible it is to see you." She rasped the words out, squeezing me. The hug caught me off guard and made me frown. On one hand, my mother was showing care, but her hugs painfully lacked the gusto of Angela's. Or any of the Rizzoli's for that fact.

"Hello mother" I softly pulled free from her arms, trying to smile. I stepped back, putting my full weight on the cane. "I apologize for the last-minute arrangements."

Mother waved me off, "Don't worry, Jane communicated everything you needed." She took my elbow, guiding me to the car. "How are you? Jane had your doctor call and fill me in on everything."

I frowned, Jane didn't care. Why was she so involved with my mother? "If you're asking about my memory issues, they're still the same. I'm starting to remember more and more each day. But I still have massive gaps of blank memories." I learned into her side, "I'm slowly healing. Very slowly healing." I sucked in a breath of cool rainy English air. "Thank you for taking me in. It's nice to have family at this time."

Mother chuckled as she helped me into the car, "You're Boston family has put me to shame. The Rizzoli clan had long ago made you one of theirs. Angela has already called ten times to make sure I let her know when you arrived. It seems she's incredibly upset with Jane?"

I sighed, leaning into the soft leather seat. "I don't need to worry about Jane anymore. My brain forgot her and I think it was a sign." I closed my eyes as my heart skipped. It's way of telling me that I was lying to myself.

Mother chuckled, grabbing my hand. "Darling. You know better than that. Jane Rizzoli lives and breathes for three things. Her family, her job, and you, Maura." She turned to look at me, noting my emotionless face. Her smile faded, "You do know Jane is in love with you and has been for many years?"

"Then why did she shove me away?" I faced my mother, feeling the last threads of my heartbreak and restraint letting go. "Why did she kiss me, tell me she loves me and turn around not even an hour later, hurling painful comments. Breaking my heart in a way I've never experienced? How many of you told me over and over, she was my best friend in the world? And then she does this." I placed a palm over my chest, the pain burning against my ribs. "Jane Rizzoli is a selfish woman who cares for no one but herself!" Tears slid down my cheeks faster than I could stop them. "I hope I never see her again!"

Mother leaned over, pulling me into her side as she wiped my cheeks. "Oh my. You're beyond smitten." She sighed, kissing the top of my head. "Shall I tell you why Jane trampled all over your heart, shoved you on a plane and sent you to me?"

I said nothing, just pressing harder against my chest. I was fighting off breaking down into complete sobs. I was almost forty years old and here I was, struggling to deal with my emotions like I was back in my freshman year of college. All over the place and acting like a brat.

"You're in immense danger. Jane and your friends at the police department have found the man who attacked you. She wouldn't give me exact details, other than there was an urgency to get you away from Boston." She pulled me deeper in to her arms. "I know you're hurt, angry, heartbroken. Knowing the strong bond you have, Jane hurt you on purpose. She's done it before to get you to listen to her."

I shook my head sniffling, "It doesn't make sense." I pulled the sweater the nurse gave me closer, desperately trying to cover up the Red Sox logo on Jane's shirt.

My mother sighed. "It was Jane who called to tell me you were attacked. She could barely hold herself together as she described your condition and the doctor's prognosis. She never left your side for the first two weeks until you stabilized, and then sacrificed her own well-being to make sure someone was with you every night. She had a fear you'd wake up alone, and that was the last thing she ever wanted for you. She also promised to me that when the day came, and she could face your attacker, she would stop at nothing to bring him to justice."

I frowned, leaning away from my mother. "Her actions still don't make sense. When you love someone, you stay by their side. Through thick and thin, memories or no memories." I wiped at my face, the tears still flowing. "Jane isn't giving me a chance. She isn't giving us a chance."

"No. But she's trying to save your life in the only way she knows how." My mother grabbed my chin, turning me to look at her. "With everything she has. Detective Jane Rizzoli is an enigma to me, but I know she loves you and you love her. Your forgotten memories of her stand not one sliver of a chance against the love you both share. That woman has a reason for everything she does whether it makes any sense to any of us."

I closed my eyes, crying again. I tipped my head down when a sudden flash of a memory flickered behind my eyelids.

Jane shoved me away from the man with a gun. Allowing him to take her hostage, the gun pressed against her temple. I went to reach for her, she shook her head. "No Maura. I got this. I'll be fine." She smiled for my benefit as she was yanked away from me. "I won't let him hurt you. I won't let anyone hurt you."

I squeezed my eyes closed, the memory sharpening in my mind. I was running down the steps, turning in time to watch Jane fire the gun and shoot herself through the stomach. Then there was blood, so much blood and me racing to her side.

She smirked at me, her eyes dimming with every second. "See, I kept my promise." She pressed a cold hand against my cheek. Her voice slurring as she spoke, "You're the only thing that keeps me alive, Maura. And I'll do anything it takes to keep you safe."

My eyes flicked open, my breathing was ragged. This was the second time this particular memory surfaced. I blushed as the last piece of the memory faded away. It was me telling Jane not to die when I just realized the moment she shot herself I was completely in love with her.

An odd idea popped into my head as I wiped away endless tears. I'd kept extensive journals over the last few years. My way of emotionally dissecting my thoughts in a time when I was still learning how to properly socially express myself.

I had one of Jane's gut instincts I'd written about that day.

"Mother, when we get to the flat. I need your computer. I need to access my laptop from home." Perhaps my journals would have more clues to help untangle this mess Jane and I were in.

Xxxxx

Jane

"Everyone leave. Now." The words hissed out between my clenched teeth.

I started in the middle of Maura's living room, looking at the destruction Holton left. There were holes in the walls, food thrown across the kitchen into the living room, and glasses smashed everywhere. I moved to her bedroom where he had gone through her closet. Maura's cherished wardrobe was nothing but rags. Her shoes, jewelry and linens thrown around and ripped into shreds. It looked like a tornado had come through her room.

That wasn't what lit my rage, it was the pictures of us taped to the walls and the phrase, "Death to the queen of the dead and her loyal subjects." spray painted in black every other wall.

I was staring at one sentence under the spray paint on her bedroom wall. "You won't save her, Rizzoli." My hands quivered as I curled them into fists. My rage was about to blow, and the sounds of CSRU picking through Maura's things, had it teetering on a full explosion.

I turned, glaring at one young tech still picking through Maura's dressers. "I said out. Now!"

The kid flinched and ran out of the room. I moved slowly, picking up the broken frame with a picture of Maura and I at last year's Christmas. She was kissing my cheek and I was blushing like a silly teenager. I shook the broken glass off, running a finger along her face. I missed her so much. Maura was truly the angel who fought off all of my demons, giving me a chance to be the real me around her. I just hoped she didn't hate me forever when this was all done.

"Jane?" Frost walked into the room. "CSRU finished up. Frankie chased the looky loos away. I also pulled Holton's prison file. It at least gives a profile to build off of. I have Chang sorting through all of the doc's testimonies to find his case."

"Good." I pulled the picture free from the broken glass and tucked in my back pocket. I blew out a controlled breath, I had to settle down. Running on high emotions never got me anywhere but in trouble on cases. "Talk to me, Frost."

Frost moved to stand next to me. "I sent the trace evidence we collected to my contact at the FBI. They're going to process everything asap for us and create a criminal profile of Holton. Then they're going to send out a BOLO based off that profile and set up a reward for information in the CI network. Hope is someone squeals on Holton."

I nodded, clenching my jaw as I went about cleaning up the mess. I wanted to cry at the sight of Maura's things broken. It reminded me that she was still broken, and I just added to it by shutting her out. "Tell them to find Holton quickly. I need to end this and get her back." I choked on the last part.

Frost bent down with me, picking up pieces of torn clothing. "Did you two have a fight?"

I chuckled, grabbing a shredded travel book on South America. A trip Maura was planning and trying to talk me into going with her. "I picked a fight."

Frost sighed, "Why?"

I threw my hands up, waving them around at the scene before us. "Really Frost? Why do you think? Maybe because right after I get her back from the coma, this shithead steam rolls in. Showing me that he'll stop at nothing to kill her." I was yelling, "The only way to get Maura to listen to me was to pick a fight and make her mad enough to leave. You and I both know she never listens."

Frost grabbed my elbow. "Can I say something, and you won't bite my head off?"

I shrugged, tossing the shredded book into a trash can. "Whatever."

"Don't sacrifice yourself, Jane. You have all of us and we love Maura just as much as you do. Granted she is the love of your life, but you get my meaning. You don't have to do this alone." Frost turned me to face him and chuckled at the shocked look on my face. "Jane, we've all known about you two long before you did. We've just been afraid to say anything until she woke up." He moved closer, "Just because she can't remember you doesn't mean she can stand to lose you. Let us help."

I winced, fighting tears and looked up at my partner. "She asked me on a date. Two nights ago, Maura asked me on date." I shrugged, rubbing at my palms. "I sent her to London to be with her mother. Constance has the money and means to take care of Maura while I deal with this. But I don't know if this new Maura can forgive me for breaking her heart." I cocked an eyebrow, "Don't say a god damned thing to anyone. I don't want a rookie's loose lips to slip it out and have it land in the wrong pair of ears. I don't know how far this Holton is willing to go."

Frost grabbed both of my arms, "Jane. You did good sending her away. I'm not going to ask how you did it, but I'm here for you. I want to see you go out on that long overdue date with Dr. Isles."

I smiled softly, nodding in agreement when Frankie popped his head into the room. "Hey Janie, I got Tommy downstairs with Ma. We're all going to help clean up and fix Maura's house now that CSRU is done."

I waved him off, "Its fine, I got it." I looked around the room and the massive mess it, and the rest of the house, was.

Frankie rolled his eyes, walked in and grabbed me into his arms. "Ma told me what you did. The entire family is behind you, Jane. We know how hard the last few months have been, and we're going to be there for you and Maura. Just don't take too long to make her my official sister in law."

Frost patted my shoulder, "We'll get him. Then you'll go get your girl back."

I whispered my thanks, wiping tears away. "Thank you."

Frankie winked at me, "Family sticks with family. Rizzoli's and Isles." He punched me in the shoulder, "Don't forget that."

I nodded, watching Frost follow Frankie downstairs. I heard ma's and Tommy bickering about where to start. I bent down, picking up Maura's reading glasses and cradling them in my palm. I smiled, thinking about all the times I woke up next to her wearing these glasses and reading the paper. I'd spent the night after interviewing a suspect for hours. Maura was close and welcomed me in like she always did and said nothing as I trudged upstairs and collapsed on my side of the bed. I fell asleep to her talking to me about that trip to South America. I woke up with her pressed against me, reading with those glasses perched on her nose. In that instant, I decided I never want to wake up another morning and not have her next to me. That was two weeks before she was attacked, and the tension between us had built tenfold. Then I lost her to the coma and never got to tell her what I felt, what I wanted until she woke up with a mind full of everything but me.

I sighed to myself, gently setting her glasses next to her bedside lamp. "I promise, Maura, when this is all over, I'm never going to push you away. Good or bad, I'm going to keep you by my side for the rest of our lives. I will always love you." I tapped the glasses once and walked to the closet. I focused my thoughts on color coordinating the clothing Holton left untouched.

I would chase my next set of demons after cleaning up her house. It was the least I could do.