Kurt leaned back in his chair as Mayfair and Dr. Borden entered the empty waiting area down the hall from Taylor's room, wishing he had something stronger than vending machine coffee to fortify himself for this conversation. Mayfair was undoubtedly going to want to take him off the case, given his personal connection to the victim, but he had conflicting feelings about that. Just as he had conflicting feelings about her.
"So, Agent Weller," Dr. Borden said once he and Mayfair were seated, "Director Mayfair tells me that our Jane Doe is your ex-wife?"
Kurt simply nodded. He knew the doctor had intended the question to be a conversation starter, but he didn't even know where to begin. His history with Taylor was so complicated he almost envied her lack of memory of it.
Mayfair was more direct. "Tell us about Taylor Shaw."
"Taylor . . ." Where did he even begin? "Taylor was my next-door neighbor growing up. She started toddling after me almost as soon as she could walk, even though I was five years older. She was quite the little tomboy, absolutely fearless . . . that's how she got the scar you probably noticed on the back of her neck." He glanced at Dr. Borden and the other man nodded. "I stepped on her hand accidentally when we were climbing a tree together. We were up pretty high and she slipped and fell, cut herself." He shook his head a little at the memory. "She was only five years old at the time, but she barely cried. She was determined to show me how tough she was."
"In high school . . ." Kurt felt a reluctant smile form as he thought of her as she was back when he had begun falling in love with her. "In high school, Taylor was the quintessential all-American girl, the one all the others loved to hate but secretly wanted to be, you know? Smart, athletic, popular, funny . . . She was a star soccer player and graduated with a 4.0 GPA. Got accepted to Stanford. She planned to be a doctor."
"You don't know if she ever became one?" Dr. Borden inquired.
Kurt shook his head. "She was just finishing up her undergraduate degree when we split up. I was at Quantico at the time, and she was waiting to see where the FBI sent me so she could apply to medical school in whatever city I was assigned to. At least," he added wryly, "that's what we had talked about. Obviously, her plans changed, because three weeks after I started training, she sent me a Dear John letter saying she'd met someone else and wanted a divorce. That was almost nine years ago, and our only contact after that was through our lawyers." As per her wishes. He hadn't cared too much at the time, but once his anger cooled, he'd always regretted not demanding a face-to-face explanation. Something he would likely never get now.
"Do you happen to know the man's name?" Mayfair asked.
"No," Kurt admitted wearily. "She never told me, and I didn't look into it. I didn't want to know." He'd been completely blindsided by the whole thing and so angry he honestly didn't care. He'd thought whatever sucker Taylor had managed to snare in her net deserved the heartbreak she'd bring him.
"That's completely understandable, Agent Weller," Dr. Borden said sympathetically.
"But it means that this Taylor Shaw's last eight-plus years are a complete blank at the moment," Mayfair summarized, wanting to keep the conversation on track rather than allow the psychologist to analyze how Weller felt about such a betrayal. It sounded as if he could stand to talk through some of his issues on that front, but now was not the time or the place. "Were she and her mother close? Do you think she could shed any light on what Taylor's been up to since you saw her last?"
"They were as close as any mother and daughter I've ever seen, but Emma died of cancer when Taylor was sixteen," Kurt replied. "She'd been sick a long time and she fought hard, but she just couldn't beat it. Her death was the driving reason behind Taylor's desire to become a doctor. She wanted to help find a cure."
"What about extended family?" Mayfair queried. "Any aunts, uncles, cousins? Was her father in her life at all? There must be someone she was close to who could give us a lead in this case."
Kurt shook his head. "No one other than us. If Emma had any living relatives, they never came around and she never mentioned them, so she must not have gotten along with them. As for Taylor's father, all Emma would ever say about him was that he wasn't who she'd thought he was, and Taylor was better off without him in her life. Taylor spent so much time at our house growing up that she was practically like family, and we took her in after her mother died."
"What about close friends from high school or college?" Mayfair persisted. "There must be someone who stands out in your mind that she might have stayed in contact with." Surely a girl as remarkable as Weller had just described could not have gone missing without someone noticing. If he could still speak of her with such affection after what she'd done to him, there must be someone else out there who cared for her.
"She had a number of friends in high school, but she wasn't particularly close to any of them, and I think she lost touch with them once she moved out to California to go to college. I know she had a roommate out there she was pretty close to, uh . . . Linsey . . . Lisa . . . Lily . . . something like that. Her name escapes me at the moment, but I'll keep trying to remember."
"It was good of your parents to take Taylor in," Dr. Borden commented. "It says a lot for their influence that Taylor was able to maintain her GPA and get into such a prestigious college while dealing with the loss of her mother."
It wasn't actually his parents who had taken Taylor in, but Kurt let the doctor's assumption slide. He would have to come clean at some point, no doubt, but he didn't feel like opening that particular can of worms tonight.
"I'll appreciate any insights you can give us, Weller, but given your rocky history with the victim in this case, I'm going to have to assign a new lead agent," Mayfair told him. "I—"
"No!" Kurt interrupted, his vehemence surprising both Mayfair and Dr. Borden, but himself most of all. He hadn't known he felt so strongly about the issue until this very moment. Even if Taylor couldn't provide him some answers, some closure, the investigation might, and he didn't want to lose out on that chance a second time. "I think it's premature to make that call. Look, I'll agree to step down if it gets to be too much, but for now I think my knowledge of Taylor outweighs any potential conflicts because of our past. It is my name tattooed on her back, after all. Someone put that there for a reason."
"Yes, and for all we know, she could be that someone," Mayfair retorted, ignoring his obvious skepticism. "Or at least be working with them. That woman in there is not the Taylor Shaw you knew, Weller. Her mind's been wiped, and God only knows what else was done to her before that. Not to mention, from the way you just talked about her, it sounds as if you still care a great deal for her, despite everything she's put you through. Can you look me in the eye and tell me honestly that you'll be able to arrest her if it turns out she's a criminal?"
"Yes." Kurt met his boss's gaze unflinchingly. "If it turns out she's done anything illegal, I'll slap the cuffs on her myself." And then he would contact the best criminal defense attorney in the city, because if Taylor had committed a crime, it damn sure wasn't of her own free will. She'd never even had a speeding ticket in all the time he'd known her. Cheating on him was probably the worst thing she'd ever done in her life, but as unforgiveable as he found that, he also understood it. She'd been much too young and sheltered to make such a monumental commitment. He just wished she'd handled things differently. He wished they both had.
Mayfair pursed her lips as she considered his request. On the one hand, in a case with so many unknowns, Weller's connection to the victim could be an asset, as he had suggested, but she had to weigh the potential advantages against the very real possibility that such a connection could lead to serious errors in judgment on his part. And there was no guarantee given her amnesia that Taylor Shaw's reactions, her emotions and motivations, would be the same as what Weller remembered.
She glanced at Dr. Borden but he was uncharacteristically silent, his face giving away nothing of what he thought. Finally, reluctantly, she shook her head. "I'm sorry, Weller. As much as I'd like to, I can't let you stay on as lead agent. I'm going to ask Agent Bryant to take over." He and Weller had worked together in the past and had a solid rapport. He would be the least likely to be irritated by Weller's inevitable oversight of the case.
Kurt would have liked to have argued the point further, but one glance at Mayfair's tightly clenched jaw told him it would be fruitless. Looked like he was going to get that downtime he'd been wishing for after all. He bit back a sigh, not sure whether to be relieved or disappointed. "Cole's a good man," he said quietly. And an excellent agent. Next to him and his team, he didn't know anyone he would sooner trust to get justice for Taylor.
"He is," Mayfair agreed. "Which may make what I'm about to say a bit contradictory. Unless either of you can give me a compelling reason otherwise, I'd like to keep the news of your marriage to Taylor under wraps for now. As far as anyone else in the office needs to know, even Agent Bryant, Taylor was your childhood friend, nothing more."
Kurt stared at her in stunned disbelief, sure he had heard her wrong, but her sober expression quickly put that notion to rest. He opened his mouth to speak, but realized he had no idea what to say. Just when he had thought this situation couldn't get any more bizarre . . .
Dr. Borden was at no such loss for words. "That's impossible, Director. Marriage certificates and divorce decrees are public record, and your agents are about to put Taylor Shaw's life under a microscope. Not to mention, withholding such a key piece of information about her past won't engender much trust in her for the FBI."
"And what do you think announcing to the entire office that she cheated on one of its most respected agents will do, Doctor?" Mayfair shot back. "She'll be a pariah the minute that gets out, and that will do more to damage her trust in us than withholding information she can't remember anyway. It's not as if we're lying to her, after all. She and Weller were childhood friends. We're simply omitting the fact that they grew into more than that."
Kurt finally found his voice. "Why? I can understand how it might appear to be a conflict of interest if I was her lead agent, but since I'm off the case—"
"You're not off the case," Mayfair interrupted. "I simply can't allow you to remain on it as lead agent. I still believe your insights will be valuable, and I want you working it in a secondary capacity when time permits. As for why the secrecy, call it gut instinct, an ace up our sleeve, as it were. Someone out there has a plan, and until we determine whether your marriage factors into it, I'll be damned if I'll put one of my agents at risk by blindly playing into their hands." She might feel differently if he hadn't had such a personal connection to the victim, but this was too blatant a challenge to ignore.
She saw Kurt shift uncomfortably and continued on. "Look, I'm not suggesting we withhold this information from her forever. We can revisit this issue later if need be, once we have a better idea what's going on here, but for now I think our best course of action is for me to get the records pertaining to your marriage sealed. You can't deny it won't be easier on you as well. Do you really want your personal life to become fodder for the office gossip mill?"
With the exception of once dating a colleague, Kurt had always kept his private life separate from his professional one. He couldn't deny he would prefer to continue to do so, but that was the least of his concerns at the moment. "I want what's best for Taylor," he said firmly. "Let's not forget she's the victim in this case. If knowing about our past will keep even one agent from giving their best to get justice for her, then by all means, keep it a secret if you can manage it." It might well be too much for Taylor to handle on top of her amnesia, anyway. "If not . . ."
His voice trailed off and he gave his head a quick shake, as if to physically clear his mind. "I want what's best for Taylor," he repeated.
"Then it's settled," Mayfair said briskly, giving Kurt's shoulder a quick squeeze as she rose. "Go home and get some sleep, Weller; you look like hell. And you might want to fill your sister in on what's going on before she sees it on the news; every station in the Tri-State area has been calling our office for comment since the story broke. Taylor's identity won't hold for long."
She made her way to the door and hesitated before turning to face him again. "Oh, and Weller?" He raised an eyebrow and she smiled faintly. "If she couldn't see what a good man she had, she didn't deserve you anyway."