Ch. 3- Severed Head
One Piece © Oda
Blizzard © Me
A little while later on Punk Hazard…
"Finally! I got them on! Check it out, you guys!"
"…Really, Luffy?"
"Hey, Usopp! What do you call this?"
Usopp looked at Luffy, who is now eating a hunk of dragon, roasted to perfection by the island's flames…with the severed legs now attached to his back side.
"Uh…I dunno," Usopp said, dragging an even larger piece of dragon meat behind him on a cart. "A centaur, I guess?"
"Cool~!" Luffy exclaimed. "Check it out! I'm a centaur!"
"You're the…weirdest looking centaur…I've even seen," Blizzard noted, panting from the heat.
"Curses!" the legs shouted. "I'm attached to something again-bu!"
"Heh! Give up, yet?" Luffy asked, putting a hand to his flexed arm. "Since I ate some dragon meat, I have dragon powers!"
"I admit, it tasted pretty good," Usopp said, "but I can't eat any more of this stuff. Luffy, since you're the one who's gonna eat most of this dragon meat, why can't you lug it around?!"
"That's a bit vulgar, even for you, Luffy," Robin said.
"Is it?" Luffy asked before the legs lifted him up…and then pile-drove him into the ground, headfirst! "BWEGH!"
"See that, Luffy?" Blizzard asked. "Those legs aren't gonna cooperate with you. Centaurs aren't even real! Look, his upper half is stuck on its own, somewhere, and that means we gotta return them to their rightful owner! Luffy, did you hear me?! HELLO?!"
"Huh?" Luffy asked, picking his nose.
"Oh, forget it," Blizzard grumbled.
"Oh, c'mon, Blizzard!" Luffy said. "Haven't you ever had a dream?! This is just the way his body works! Hey, legs, what's your na- BWEGH!"
THWOMP! The legs pile-drove Luffy into the ground, again!
'Shoot me,' Blizzard thought.
"Hey, guys!" Zoro called, standing a top some stairs. "Come here and look at this!"
"What is it, Zoro?!" Luffy asked as he ran to the swordsman with Usopp, Robin, and Blizzard following behind him, as well as dragging his "Centaur legs" behind him. "Did you find that guy and the samurai?!"
"Check it out," Zoro said, eating a piece of dragon meat.
The others followed his gaze…and gasped upon seeing…a huge, snowy mountain range in the distance, with a huge lake separating it from the burning city!
"What the hell?!" Usopp questioned.
"WHOOOOOOOOOAAAA~!" Luffy exclaimed.
"Luffy…do me a favor," Blizzard said.
"What?"
"If I'm dreaming…don't wake me up."
"S-snowy peaks?!" Usopp questioned. "But how is it possible?!"
"Well, that solves one mystery," Robin said.
"Huh?" Usopp muttered. "Oh, yeah! That guy on the Transponder Snail! He said he was 'cold'! Then that means…the guy who was cut up by the samurai is on THAT side of the island!"
"Wow!" Luffy exclaimed. "Look at all that snow! Makes me hungry from some shaved ice!"
"But then you'll be cold by the time you get over there!" Usopp shouted, comically. "Look! It's way too far! Let's go back to the ship for now!"
"Oh, dear," Robin said. "It'll be dreadfully cold over there."
"I could get us some animal pelts if I see any," Zoro said. "We'll work it out, somehow."
"NO WE WON'T, YOU MORON!" Usopp snapped. "WHY AM I THE ONLY VOICE OF REASON, HERE?!"
However, Luffy and Blizzard were already on their way there!
"Lemme at that ice!" the Straw Hat Captain cheered.
ARROOOOOOOOOOOO~! Blizzard howled, excitedly in agreement.
'Finally, somewhere cool!' he thought.
"Luffy! Blizzard! Wait!" Usopp cried.
"Let's go, Robin," Zoro said, holding Robin bridal style.
"You don't have to carry me," Robin said. "I can walk just fine."
"So?" Zoro asked with a smirk, and the archaeologist chuckled as her boyfriend walked after Luffy, carrying her as he did.
"Guys, c'mon! Seriously!" Usopp cried. "Come back!"
But then, FWAP! Usopp heard what sounded like…the beating of wings, and not long after…he looked out of the corner of his eye…and saw, to his shock…that there was a woman with the wings of a bird.
"A…a…!" Usopp muttered…before he ran off, screaming. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"
"What are you screaming your head off about, now?!" Zoro questioned.
"Th-there was…a monster!" Usopp stammered.
"Where?" Luffy asked.
"B-b-back there!" Usopp exclaimed before he looked back…only to see nothing but the burning structures.
"Very funny, Usopp," Zoro said.
"But…but it was there!" Usopp argued. "I swear it was! It was some kinda bird lady or something! It had wings and feathers and everything!"
"I think the heat's gotten to your head," Zoro said.
"But you gotta believe me!" Usopp cried. "It was there, I tell you!"
'Oh, brother,' Blizzard thought, heaving a sigh.
However…they didn't realize how right Usopp truly was…for a shadowy figure is seen…flying away towards the snowy mountains.
XXX
Meanwhile, somewhere in a room of some sort, Franky, whose hair had been style into like that of a stag beetle's pinchers, is lying on a cold, steel floor, a puddle of drool forming around his face as he snored and a snot bubble in his nose.
Just then, BAM! WHAM! SLAM! Franky awoke to the sound of something hitting metal. He sat up, smacking his lips and wiping the drool from his mouth, to see Sanji, kicking away at a large metal door.
"C'mon!" Sanji shouted as he kicked the door. "Open up, you damn door! HAH!"
"Hey, Sanji," Franky said. "What's all the ruckus?"
"Well, look who decided to wake up?" Sanji asked, sarcastically.
"You mean it's obvious yet, Franky?" Nami asked, sitting against a wall. "Look around you."
"We've been captured~!" Chopper cried.
"What?!" Franky questioned before he looked around and saw that his crewmates were indeed correct. They were locked up in some sort of holding cell with no windows or anything, just a metal door that was sealing them inside.
"How'd we end up in here?!" the cyborg questioned. "All I remember is eating that dessert that Sanji made and then…well…everything went foggy!"
"My guess," Nami began, "is that someone released knock-out gas on the ship and then locked us up in here when we passed out."
"There was definitely gas on the ship," Sanji pointed out. "I'm sorry for not noticing, sooner."
"I hope they're not human traffickers!" Chopper sobbed, comically. "I don't wanna be a slave~!"
"Wait a minute!" Franky said. "There were 5 of us, right? Where the hell did Brook go?"
"We don't know," Nami answered. "It's just the 4 of us in here. They probably didn't notice him."
"Probably because their human traffickers and he's a skeleton, right?" Chopper inquired.
"But you're not really human, either," Franky pointed out.
"Yeah! And neither are you!" Sanji snapped. "Now shaddup!"
"Pardon my interruption, but can I interest you people in…how do you say…a 'brainteaser'?"
"Huh?" the Straw Hats muttered.
"Did you say something?" Sanji asked.
"Uh…no," Franky answered. "Did you?"
"Not me," Nami answered. "Chopper?"
"Uh-uh!" Chopper answered before he looked down at some…strange objects on the floor. "I…think it might've been this thing."
"How dare you call me 'this thing', you insolent raccoon dog!" shouted one of the objects…which is revealed to be a human mouth.
"WAAAAH! SCARY~!" Chopper screamed before he hid behind Franky (of course, he was facing the wrong way, as usual).
"What the hell is this thing?" Sanji asked.
"Is this some kind of new Transponder Snail or something?" Franky questioned.
"It…it has 8 pieces," Chopper noted.
Chopper was right. There are exactly pieces that made up some sort of living creature of some sort. The captive 4 could make out 2 ears, 2 eyes, a mouth, a nose, and some hair growing on a scalp and a chin with its neck still attached.
"I am no lowly bug, you fools!" the mouth said. "And I can see that you are not impure of heart! These pieces you see here before you make up my face! Would you do me a kindness and assemble them for me?"
"A face, huh?" Franky asked before he began to put the pieces together. "Hmm…let's see here. Well, I can tell this is a mouth…and these are his eyes."
The result looked like some sort of cubed face, but not all of the parts had been used.
"Hey, you're right!" Chopper said. "It is a face!"
"You are not using all the pieces!" the face exclaimed.
"How about this?" Nami asked as she tried to put the pieces together, herself. This time, she used all of the pieces, but it looked more rectangular.
"Not quite right!" the face said.
"I like this one," Sanji said as he tried to do it, himself. However, it didn't really look like a face. It looked more like some sort of a sandwich.
"DAHAHAHAHA!" Franky laughed. "Nice!"
"Are you toying with me?!" the face questioned.
"Lemme try!" Chopper said before he put the face together, and this time, it looked about right. "There we go! It's finished! Now that looks more like a face!"
"Not bad, Chopper!" Nami praised.
"Something feels odd about my chin and my skull," said…a severed head. "I suppose it'll do for now, though. You have my gratitude!"
"AAAH!" the Straw Hats screamed. "IT'S A TALKING SEVERED HEAD!"
"A BIT OF A DELAYED REACTION, DON'T YOU THINK?!" the head shouted.
"H-h-how are you still alive?!" Chopper questioned, holding a crucifix. "A-are you an evil spirit?! OR A ZOMBIE?!"
"I know no more than you do!" the head shouted. "It was not my choice to be a head! I was reduced to this state, and I know not the name of the one responsible for it! I thought myself dead, but then…horrors! This happened! It is the shame of a warrior o be defeated in combat and left alive to tell the tale! If I could, I would commit seppuku to end this sorry spectacle…but alas, even in shame, there is a dire matter that I must address!"
"How odd," Nami said. "He kinda reminds me of Buggy the Clown. Anyway, mister, do you where we are?"
"'Mister'?!" the head questioned. "How dare you speak to a warrior with that tone, you audacious woman! Women your age are meant to be graceful, and they are to mind their tongues and speak only when they are spoken to!"
Nami growled before she grabbed the head by his cheek and held him up, painfully. She even imbued her hand with Haki for added effect!
"AGH! MY FACE!" the head screamed.
"That's a bit sexist of something for a severed head to say, don't you think?!" Nami asked. "Especially to the people who put your face back together!"
"Release me at once!" the head demanded, and Nami forcefully dropped him. "First you speak to me with such rudeness, and then you resort to violence?! What sort of barbarian nation are you from?! Such insolence, such willfulness!"
"Just like how my Mother raised me," Nami smirked.
"Humph!" the head scoffed. "Violent, you may be, but nonetheless, I am not unreasonable man! Perhaps you are acting this way because you were traumatized when you had your garments stripped from your body!"
"My clothes haven't been stripped from my body!" Nami spat before she pointed at her top.
"Excuse me?!" the head questioned.
"What you see here," the navigator began, "is called 'fashion'."
"W-w-wha…!" the head gasped. "How shameless! How bawdy! You…you are wearing nothing but…breast-bands!"
"Oh?" Nami asked. "And is that a problem?"
"Actually, it is no problem at all~!" the head said, a perverted grin forming on his mouth.
WHOMP! Nami punched the head right into a wall!
"YOU HORN-DOG!" she snapped.
"LEMME AT HIM!" Sanji roared as Chopper and Franky held him back. "I'LL KICK HIM LIKE A SOCCER BALL!"
"Easy, Sanji!" Chopper cried.
"Yeah, Nami already took care of it!" Franky added.
"Ugh…that hurts- I mean, itches!" the disembodied head groaned. "So…foreign women wear nothing but breast-bands, eh? Rather nice, I must concur…but tell me, who are you people?! I just heard the story of your abduction, not too long ago."
"We're pirates," Sanji replied, causing the head to gasp.
"WHAT?! P-PIRATES?!" he questioned.
"Yup," Sanji answered, again.
The head seethed and said, "No wonder that woman is so violent! I despise pirates with a passion so strong, I could vomit! I thought that maybe this was a shared fate and we could use this opportunity to escape this land of ice…but now that I know you are pirates, I want no part of it!"
"'Land of ice'?" Franky repeated. "What's he talking about? This ain't no land of ice, pal! This is a flaming island!"
"He's right!" Chopper agreed. "It's so hot, even the sea was lit on fire!"
"Wait a minute!" Nami said. "He might be onto something. You called this place a 'land of ice', right? Are you sure you didn't hear any volcanic explosions or something like that?"
"There were periodic explosions," the head admitted, "but I came here through a freezing sea of ice floes. Now save your words, pirates!"
"Just what I thought," Nami said. "That wintry sky I saw from the ship wasn't just my imagination after all! The burning island that Luffy and the others landed is an island of ice on the other side, which means we must've been taken around to the back of the island!"
"Ha, Nami's so beautiful when she makes a logical explanation of things~!" Sanji swooned.
"But there's one problem," Nami said. "We don't know who did this and what their reason, and we won't know until we get outta here."
"Well, tough luck, Nami," Sanji said. "I've tried to get this stupid door open, but it's too-"
"Stand back!" Franky called, putting his hands together. "I'm packin' a full tank of cola!"
"EEK!" Nami yelped before she and Sanji ran out of the way.
"H-hey! Watch it!" Sanji cried. "Give us a sec, will ya?!"
"Franky…RADICAL BEAM~!"
PYEW! BOOM! Franky fired a powerful laser beam, destroying the door!
"WOW~!" Chopper exclaimed with starry eyes while the severed head stared in shock.
"After you," Franky said.
"Thanks, Franky!" Nami said.
"That body of yours shirt isn't for show!" Sanji added.
"I SO wish I could shoot laser beams!" Chopper chimed in.
With that, the 4 began to head out the door- or rather, the huge hole where the door once was, but before they did, Sanji looked back at the severed head.
"Yo," he said. "What are you gonna do?"
The head turned away with a displeased scowl.
"If we weren't pirates…you'd still come with us, wouldn't you?"
"Be silent and go, pirate filth!"
Sanji growled before he grabbed the head and picked it up.
"Well, I know this much," he said. "You're not getting ANYWHERE as a disembodied head, now are you?"
POP! POP! He took off the top and bottom ends of the head.
"W-what do you think you're doing?!" the head questioned.
"Isn't that right…samurai from Wano Country?!" Sanji asked…before he put the bottom end of the head on the top, revealing it to be a topknot, and the top end on the bottom, revealing it to be a chin.
"Huh?!" Chopper questioned. "You mean he's a samurai?!"
"This topknot here is the traditional hairstyle of Wano Country," Sanji said.
"So that means that the killer samurai that that guy was talking about was HIM?!" Chopper cried. "AAAH! SCARY~!"
Just then, they started hearing someone shouting.
"The explosion came from over there!"
"Hurry! It could be the pirates we caught!"
"Sanji! Chopper!" Nami called. "Hurry up! The guards are coming!"
"The only reason we're in this mess in the first place," Sanji began, "is because we got a distress call from the guys that YOU sliced-and-diced, samurai!"
"Sanji, let's go!" Chopper cried. "Forget the scary samurai! Please!"
"I do not commit murder in cold blood!" the samurai shouted. "Doing so would only bring me further disgrace! I came to this island…to save my son's life! And I would cut down thousands- no, MILLIONS, if they dare to stand in my way!"
Sanji glared at the samurai, who glared right back at him.
XXX
"SHOOT THEM!"
BLAM! BA-BLAM! The guards began firing their bazookas and rifles at the escaping Straw Hats as they gave chase. However, as they ran, Chopper noticed that Sanji was carrying one more with them.
"Huh?! Sanji!" he cried. "You're taking the samurai with us?! But why?! He's bad news!"
"Quiet, Chopper!" Sanji barked. "I'll take full responsibility! Now shut up and keep running!"
BLAM! BLAM! Franky was firing bullets from his left hand at the guards, trying to hold them back.
"Okay!" Sanji said. "Through this door here! Hurry!"
"Right!" Nami said.
WHAM! Sanji kicked the door down…but what the Straw Hats saw next caused them to gasp in shock and surprise, for they had just entered a room, decorated with plastic seagulls and fish mobiles, and the walls had rainbows, bubbles, clouds, and forests painted on them…almost like it was a sort of playroom. However, what shocked them the most…was that there are children wearing white garbs in the room…and some of them were twice their size!
"K…kids?!" Sanji questioned. "But they're HUGE!"
"Children?!" the samurai muttered.
"The room's crawling with 'em!" Franky added. "What the hell's going on here?!"
"What is this place?!" Nami asked.
In a corner of the room…a little Akita puppy is seen, standing by a purple cushion in the shape of a cube. She had cream colored fur with a white muzzle, chest, and underbelly.
"Kumi?"
The puppy, known as Kumi, turned to look at a shadowy figure, sitting behind the cushion, hugging her legs.
"What's going on?" the figure asked. "I hear voices out there."
"…Some people showed up, Aika," Kumi answered.
The figure is revealed to be…an average-sized little girl, wearing the same white clothes as the other children, with chocolate brown eyes and hair that had grown down to her shoulder blades with a cute little light blue butterfly hair clip in it.
"People?" the girl, called Aika, repeated. "What do they want?"
"I dunno," Kumi answered, "but maybe…they might be just who we're looking for!"
TO BE CONTINUED…
Heeeeere's Aika! And Kumi, too! XD
Review, please!