N: This chapter might be very eh. But it's been a rough couple of weeks with work and having to say goodbye to my dog. But I'm back, writing is a good therapy and since i've been working on a new/old crime fiction, my motivation is back to write. So here i am...

Don't worry, this is a rizzles fiction and they will end up together, but sometimes the road isn't so easy. Read on and enjoy! Like i said, this chapter was hard to write...

Maura

I woke up shivering on the couch. I sat up slowly, my body achy but I wasn't as sore as I had been. Smoothing out my hair, I glanced at the dying embers in the fireplace. Jane was missing and by the looks of the lack of fire, she'd been missing for awhile. The TV was still on but muted, leaving me to wonder where Jane had gone. She wouldn't leave my side unless it was for a good reason.

I pushed myself up from the couch, wrapping the blanket around my shoulders as I wobbled towards the kitchen. I listened intently as I walked down the hallway. I didn't hear water running, or any signs of activity. Glancing at the clock above the kitchen sink, I saw it was very early in the morning. The sun was barely rising, casting soft muted slivers of light through the window. It was possible Jane had slipped into bed for a quick nap. She needed her rest and sleeping with a broken body that was always cold wasn't healthy. I knew I was absorbing most of her body heat when we slept, and it would slowly drain her. Never mind the overprotective side of the woman. She wouldn't dare sleep if she knew I was next to her, struggling in the slightest.

Entering the kitchen I found Jane sitting at the island facing the large window over the sink. She had her head in her hands, and it looked as if she was sleeping. I smiled at the sight and shuffled towards her, "Jane?"

She jumped in her seat, spinning around at the sound of my voice. I saw the gun clutched in her hand. "Maura."

My stomach dropped at the sight of the gun. "Jane, is something wrong?"

She shook her head, trying to smile as she reached for me. "I couldn't sleep." She took my hand, guiding me towards her. "Why are you up?"

I smiled, "I was cold and woke up. I thought I'd make a cup of tea and try to go to bed." I sighed at the warmth Jane's hand always brought. "You should come to bed with me. It's still very early."

Jane chuckled, "The good doctor wants to sleep in? I thought I'd never see the day." She squeezed my hand. "I'm sorry for leaving you to get cold. I wanted to check the house one more time." Her smile faded as she dropped my hand. "I'm going to step outside and grab some more wood. How about you get that tea made and I'll meet you in the bedroom? I'll start a fire and we can cuddle up and share stories."

I grinned, nodding. "That sounds lovely." I leaned forward kissing Jane on the corner of her mouth. When I was closer, I saw her heart racing in the vein of her neck. Something was wrong, Jane was always very calm. I leaned back, scanning her face for more clues. All I saw were big brown eyes full of exhaustion. I sadly couldn't remember Jane enough to pick up on her physical cues.

Jane leaned forward, kissing my forehead as she tucked the gun in the back waistband of her pants. "I'll be right back." She slid off the stool, disabled the alarm and slid out the backdoor.

I let out a breath and moved to the stove, preparing the kettle. I would ask her when she came back inside what was wrong. She was tense, but the woman always had a tense edge about her. She was a police detective on the hunt for a mad man. It made sense.

I set the kettle on the stove and went to step away from it to grab the tea, a hand covered my mouth and I was roughly pulled against a body. "Shhh. Dr. Isles. If you yell, I'll cut your throat before you can say goodbye to your love." The voice was low, raspy and male. I closed my eyes as the voice sprung to life the memory of my attack. I felt the cold edge of a knife brush against my cheek. I swallowed hard, tears streaming down my face.

"Allow me to introduce myself, Dr. Isles. It's me. Holton." He rasped against my ear, pulling me roughly away from the stove. "You're doing far better than I expected. I did do my best to beat the life out of you, but you're stronger than I thought." I was yanked harder, a arm sliding around my throat and pressing against it every so often. Making it hard to breathe. I clawed at his arms, but I was far too weak to open a can of coffee let alone fight off an attacker. "Let's go find Jane. I'd like to get this over by breakfast. I have other things to do." He dragged me towards the same door Jane had exited and kicked it open, yelling. "Rizzoli! Come out come out!"

I clung to his arms, fear wracking my body.

Jane

The loud slap of the back door being kicked open drew all of my attention. I dropped the stack of wood in my arms, and grabbed my gun. I scanned the area, the early morning low light did very little to aid me. My heart dropped to the ground when I heard my name bellowed.

"Rizzoli! Come out come out!"

I ran towards the house, stopping in my tracks at the sight of Maura being dragged towards me. Holton wrapped around her with a knife against her face. I raised my gun, stalking towards him and searching for the perfect shot. "Holton. Let her go. This is between us."

Holton stepped further into the yard, shaking his head. "No, it's between Dr. Isles and I. You're just collateral damage." He turned his head up to the sky, "The air out here is so clean. So fresh. I hate that I'm about to spill blood and pollute this peaceful place."

I kept my eyes on Maura, crying and clawing at Holton's arms. I had to think quickly. I had to distract him and get Maura out of his grip. "Hurting her isn't going to fix anything. It wasn't her fault."

Holton dropped his head, yanking Maura so hard she whimpered. He hissed at me, raising the large knife in his hand. "It's all her fault. She's the reason my family died." He suddenly shoved Maura to the ground. She collapsed to her knees with a cry. Holton stepped over her, stepping on her broken leg and bearing down on it. Maura let out an ear piercing cry. "Drop the gun now, or I slash her throat." He pricked Maura's neck, a thin trail of blood rolling down her pale skin.

My reaction was to run to her. Shoot Holton and save, but even I knew I didn't have enough time to pull the trigger in this position. I raised my hands up, slowly setting the gun on the ground. "Fine."

Holton bent down, grabbing a fistful of hair, pulling Maura's head up. He pressed his knife against her neck. "Don't be a hero, Rizzoli. Her death is inevitable, but not make me rush." He smiled when he saw me stop from running. "Good. You listen. That'll make this easier for all of us." He sighed, "You're probably wondering how I got into the Isles fortress? It's easy if you pay a hacker to shut down the alarm company's mainframe. Disabling not only most of the country, but this protected stone castle you thought would be impenetrable. You meet so many fascinating people when hiding in the gutters." Holton grinned, Then all I h'ad to do was wait. Wait until your humanity took over and you fell asleep. You two are very adorable. The fear she carries, the fear you carry in not being able to protect her." He paused, tapping the edge of the knife against Maura's throat. "When I found out I'd taken all of her important memories when I beat her, I almost wanted to leave her alive. Alive and suffering with the fact she'd never ever remember the one person she loved unconditionally. I took her love away like she took mine." He smiled, shrugging, "Poetic justice, don't you think Jane?"

I clenched my jaw. "Don't do this, Holton. Let her go and walk away. I have no jurisdiction over here, I can't stop you." I was pulling out all of my negotiation skills. "We read your file. We know what happened. Maura would be devastated to know she was the reason why Varez went after you. The evidence. Maura is all about the evidence, she has no personal feelings."

"Bullshit, Jane." Holton hissed again, grinding his foot into Maura so hard she passed out from the pain and hung limply from his grip. "She was calling you the day I attacked her. Calling over and over and leaving you messages about how much she loved you. She was going to you when I interrupted it. She put up very little fight after I hit her twice. I almost killed her if it wasn't for a nicotine addict coming out to steal smoke." He glanced down at the unconscious woman. "I wish she was awake for this, but." He met my eyes and started to draw the knife along her neck. "I heard you have a weakness for knifes, or is it scalpels? You know Hoyt was a cell mate of mine for a week while I was transported between prisons. He talked my ear off about you. I thought a knife would be slow, but I see the joy Hoyt saw. It's very personal this way." He glared at me. "Maura took my family, now I'm going to take hers and her life."

I don't know what happened next, my vision blurred and my adrenaline took over. A trigger inside of myself had been pulled and I went off. This was another game of Hoyt's and I wasn't going to let him win even if I'd put him in the ground years ago.

I charged Holton, tackling him at chest level and pushing him off of Maura. We landed together on the hard ground, me on top of him. I grabbed his hand with the knife and yanked it up, twisting his wrist while landing a hard right hook to the side of his face. I felt bones crack, but didn't let up. Throwing another punch. Holton turned at the last moment, my hand striking the ground. I yelped and flinched, giving Holton the chance to throw a knee into my side.

I fell off of him with a grunt, the wind knocked out of me.

Holton pounced, slashing my thigh with the knife as he scrambled to get up. I felt the blade cut deep, but my adrenaline was so thick, i couldn't feel pain. I kicked Holton hard in the stomach as he crawled to his feet. He fell back, giving me a chance to scoot away. I had to get to my gun.

I rolled to my knees and jumped to my feet, sprinting to where I left the gun. Maura was off to my left, but I didn't dare look at her. I saw blood out of my peripheral, but I knew if I looked at her, I'd collapse, and Holton would win.

I made it the five steps to the gun, and as I bent to pick it up, a sharp hot pain blew through my right shoulder. I screamed out in pain and fell to my knees. Holton landed on top of me, digging a knee into my lower back right over the scar from my shooting. I winced at the pain filling my body as he stabbed me two more times in the back. The blade slicing deep and down to the hilt. In the back of my mind I had a strange gut feeling I wasn't going to survive this.

"You're brave and stupid, Jane. I can see why the doctor has…I mean had…conflicted feelings for you." He grabbed my hair, pulling my head up. His breath was hot against my ear. "Hoyt was right, she is your weakness." He pressed the blade sticky with my own blood against my throat. "Say goodbye Jane."

I wrapped my hand around the gun laying off to the side. Holton was too busy mumbling his insane ravings into my ear, he didn't notice I had the gun. All I had to do was kick up and roll out from under him. Even if I blindly fired, I'd strike Holton. Wounding him enough to give me another opportunity.

I sucked in a few breaths, but it was difficult. My lungs were filling up with blood from the stab wounds on my back. My lungs were punctured, and I was bleeding out. My time to finish this was running out. I closed my eyes, drawing up the last bits of strength I had. When I opened them, I saw Maura laying on the ground. Her eyes closed and blood smearing her beautiful face, but she was still breathing.

I had to fight. I made her a promise. I closed my eyes and kicked as hard as I could, catching Holton in the balls. He grunted and fell off of me. I pulled on the last of my strength and rolled away from him, pointing the gun at his chest. I didn't hesitate and fired twice, each one landing dead center. Holton fell to the ground like a dead log. The blood pooling underneath him.

I fell forward, my hands barley holding me up as I gasped for air. I coughed a few times, spitting out blood. I pushed up to stand but fell back down flat on my face. "Maura. I can't." I whispered the sobs setting free as I stared at the woman. I reached out to her when I heard voices yelling and footsteps crashing through the brush. I laid on the ground sobbing and coughing, praying to whoever to save her first.

I soon felt hands on my body, asking where I was hurt. Men and women wearing swat gear swarmed the yard, rushing to Holton's dead body. I shook my head, "Maura. Maura needs help." I coughed, my mouth filling with blood.

That's when I swore I heard Frost's voice. "Jane, we got her. We need to help you. Fuck. I tired to get the team here as soon as the alarm system went down." He mumbled.

I nodded, slipping into unconscious. "It's okay… just tell her I loved her." I then slipped into the darkness, idly thinking I might actually be able to sleep without nightmares now.

XXXX

The sound of my ma's aggressive snoring woke me up. I blinked a few times and tried to turn my head, but was stopped by the oxygen tube wrapped around my head and stuck in my nose. I swallowed hard, man the cotton mouth was bad. I took in a slow deep breath wincing when it hurt like a bitch. I knew I was in a hospital, the annoying beep of the machine attached to my heart told me so. Let alone I was encased in bandages like a mummy.

"Shit." I rasped the word out, looking over the mess I was.

"Janie? Are you awake?" Ma's face was suddenly hovering over mine.

I squinted at her. "No, I'm not awake." I licked my lips. "Water?"

Ma smothered me in a hug, squeezing me until I cried out in pain. "Sorry, sorry, sorry. I forgot. I'm just so happy you're awake. This wasn't how I imagined my first trip to London to be. Sitting with my daughter in the hospital." She wiped at her cheeks, sniffling.

I blinked a few more times, man these drugs were good. "Ma." Then my heart dropped, and I turned to face ma, fighting the pain of twisting my head. "Maura?"

Ma's face dropped. "She's fine. They released her last week." She cleared her throat and the look on her face told me something was very wrong. She picked up my hand, covering it with both of hers. "We weren't sure about you, Janie. That bastard did a number on you." The tears started to roll again. "Janie, why didn't you…"

I shook my head, "Don't ma. Don't." I grabbed her hand, "Is he…"

"Dead. Yes. The bastard is dead and deep in the ground." Ma placed a hand on my head. Running her fingers through my hair. "You did good Janie."

I sniffled, "I didn't keep her safe." I closed my eyes, seeing Maura screaming in pain as Holton hurt her. "I was stupid."

"You're always stupid, Janie. But it's always for good reasons." She bent down, kissing me on the forehead. "I'm going to get the doctor. I should've told him the second you woke up, but I wanted a moment with you. It's been three weeks since the incident."

I nodded, "I'm sorry."

Ma squeezed my hand once more before leaving the room to find the doctor.

The doctor came back, explaining I'd been on the verge of death. Puncture lungs, severe lacerations and a nicked artery. No one was sure how I survived and I was kept under to alleviate stress on my lungs while I healed. I'd be monitored and released in the next week if I could breathe without pain.

I nodded, half listening like I always did. This wasn't my first rodeo with the brushes of death.

After the doctor and Ma left for the night, I was left alone to flip through English channels and poke at weird English hospital food.

"Goddamnit Jane. I don't think BPD's insurance covers overseas." Frost's soft voice filled the room, making me smile and look at my partner.

"Hey." I held my hand out for him to take. He held it, taking the chair ma vacated hours ago. "What are you doing here?"

He raised an eyebrow. "I see your humor hasn't faded." He patted my hand, sighing. "The case is closed on Cooper Holton. Scotland Yard is sharing the case with Boston, but it's closed along with ten different cold cases from Holton's spree." He frowned, glancing at me. "I tried to get you help sooner, but it was hard to find the manor. The security system pings got lost in the mountains and I got the team there too late."

I shook my head, "It's not your fault, Frost. I should've listened to you and had a team waiting." I tried to shrug, but the massive amount of bandages around my body made it impossible. I chewed on the inside of my mouth. "Maura?"

Frost smiled tightly. "She's okay. Well, as okay as you can be. Holton re-broke her leg and tossed her around pretty good. She was here for awhile, but she's back with her mother in London." He looked away from me. His tell that he was hiding something.

"Frost. What is it? Has anyone called to tell her I'm awake?"

He looked up, his brown eyes boring in mine. "Jane, her memory. It took another hit from this attack. Her doctors and her mother felt it was best to let her heal before we um told her everything."

"What does that mean?" I shifted to sit up. "She was starting to remember me. Even if she doesn't, I don't care. I need to see her." I swallowed hard, "I made her a promise."

Frost stood up, jamming his hands into his pocket. "Maura has requested to be alone. Her mind is overwhelmed and she's tired of fighting it." He shrugged, "Her word. Well her words passed onto us by her mother."

I blinked back tears, "No. No. I can't." I began to sob, "I need to see her. I need to know if she's okay. I don't care if I'm completely erased from her mind. I want to see her, then I'll walk away. She won't ever see me again." I looked at Frost, tears rimming his eyes. "Please just tell her that. I have to see her and know Holton or Hoyt didn't win."

Frost furrowed his brow. "Hoyt? What does Hoyt have to do with this? He's been dead for years."

I wiped my face with the back of my hand. "He was a cellmate with Holton. Pure coincidence but in the end it gave Holton an advantage over me. He knew how to manipulate me to get to Maura."

"Fuck." Frost whispered. He huffed, "I'll see what I can do, Jane." He patted my forearm, "I need to leave. The night nurse only gave me ten minutes before she kicked me out. I'll be back tomorrow to check on you before I head home."

I nodded, "Thanks Frost." He went to leave when I called after him. "Wait. How did Ma get here? And how am I getting home? BPD's insurance definitely doesn't cover that."

Frost grinned winking at me. "Mama Isles." He tapped the doorframe and walked out.

I sighed and fell back into the pillow. My heart ached at the thought of Maura not wanting to see me. Maybe I'd finally screwed up so bad, I'd lost her forever. I'd finally been the stupid hero too long and it was costing me everything. I made a mental note to ask the doctor if I could be sent home earlier, if I promised to be transported to a Boston hospital.

I fell asleep a few minutes later after activating my pain killer drip.

XXX

I was dreaming. It was a good dream. I could hear Maura's voice as she talked to me. I couldn't understand what she was saying, I didn't care. It was good to hear her voice. I felt her hand on mine, the warm softness of her skin sending tingles through my entire body. Replacing the constant ache of my wounds, with a welcomed ache of being near her. I could almost hear her breathing and I couldn't hold back. I wanted to look at her, even if it was dream. I opened my eyes, squinting in the low light of my room and turned to find Maura sitting next to me. She looked like an angel by the way the light from the hallway framed her, soaking into her golden blonde hair. "Maur."

She flinched at the sound of my voice, and pulled her hand from mine. "Jane." She reached over turning on the bedside light. The dream was wiped away in the flick of a switch.

I winced at the light, pushing to sit up. Maura was looking away from me, fidgeting with her hands in her lap. I went to reach for them, put she shook her head. "Please, don't."

I swallowed hard. "Okay."

"They're still very sore. I have a minor fracture in the metacarpals of my left hand." Maura fidgeted with the small silver brace on her fingers.

I bit my lip, trying to figure out what to say. "Frost told me you were released last week and have been healing." I cleared my throat, fighting not to ask about her memory.

She nodded. "Yes." She looked up and I saw the line of stitches along her neck. I frowned, biting my lip harder to prevent from crying. When she leaned into the light I saw the fading bruises on her cheeks and I couldn't hold back and let out a small sob.

"Oh god, Maura." I went to reach for her, and she let me run shaky fingers across her cheek. "I'm so sorry."

I watched tears slide down her face as she turned away from my hand. "Maybe I shouldn't have come. Barry told me you were groggy from the medication and just waking up." She pushed up on the arms of the chair, standing up. I went to reach for her again when I saw the large black metal brace around her leg. "I should let you rest."

I shook my head, the tears running wild now. "No, stay. Please god stay, Maura." I sniffled, "Let me have five minutes and then you can walk out. I know you don't remember much about that day and me, but just sit with me for a minute."

Maura swallowed hard, raising her head. Watery hazel eyes met mine, as she rasped. "The scar on your back is from my silly iron art piece. You were shoveling the snow last winter and I came out to check on you in my heels. I slipped on the ice and you caught me. My weight took you down and you impaled yourself. You had to have eight stitches to close up the wound." She smiled tightly, looking at me as a tear ran down her cheek. "I remember everything, Jane. And everything hurts so much." She wiped her face quickly, grabbed the cane next to the bedside table. "I have to go." She limped out of my room, covering her mouth as she sobbed.

I laid in the bed stunned. Shocked and stunned. Maura remembered everything, and my worst fear had come true. She remembered me but she didn't love me like I loved her. Like the way Maura loved me when she had no idea who I was.

I'd lost her all over again.