N: there will be an epilogue with a happy ending and what not. I wrote most of this chapter on my phone so forgive the errors. Yeah i know the story took a left turn but sometimes life takes left turns but eventually rights itself. Read on and enjoy!

I'll also be doing an interview next week in the rizzles fanfiction group on facebook where i'll be answering questions and giving away one of my books!

XXXx

Jane

Three weeks later

I hated having to lean on ma to walk, but it hurt to breath deeply. I felt like an old lady with ma guiding me up the stairs to Maura's family apartment.

"Do you need to go slower, Janie?" Ma had her arm thrown around me in a vice grip. "These stairs are steep."

I rolled my eyes. "I'm good, Ma. It's a few more and then you can let go. I can turtle it to the bedroom." I looked up and my heart skipped at the sight of Constance opening the door and stepping out. I smiled tightly, taking the last few steps before being greeted By Constance moving to my other side.

"Let me help, Jane." Her voice was soft. a lot like Maura's when she took care of me. Constance slid an arm around my waist, taking on some of my weight from Ma.

I reluctantly allowed her help. I honestly wanted to avoid Constance ever since Maura limped out of my hospital room, but reality was, I had nowhere to go. I couldn't fly for an another few weeks. Something about the air pressure and weak lungs. I also couldn't afford to stay anywhere in the city close to the doctors. I was stuck with the mother of the woman I loved. The same woman who probably hated my entire existence right now but her polite manners kept it from showing. "Thank you, Constance. I will repay you when I get home."

"Oh don't even bother my dear. You owe me nothing. I may actually owe you more than I can provide." Constance's smile faded as she walked me towards the bedroom. "This is the master bedroom. It's the closest to everything you need. The bathroom, the kitchen, the main living area. I've changed the sheets and linens since Maura and I were last here."

I flinched hearing her name and nodded. "Thank you. I'm mobile, slow, but mobile." I let go of Constance and Ma, reaching for the edge of the bed and sliding to sit down and let out a heavy breath of exhaustion.

Ma was fluttering around, fluffing pillows and pulling down the covers. "Your medications will be right by the bed. There's plenty of water and food in the fridge. Constance and I will be right next door if you need anything. I know how much you hate being smothered when you're sick."

I cocked an eyebrow, leaning forward to ease some of the pressure of the bandages on my back. "Next door?"

Constance nodded. "We own the entire floor in this building. Your mother and I will be right across the hall and will check in periodically throughout the day." The older woman studied my face as if she had something to say, but held back.

"Ma. Can you get me a couple bottles of water and check the TV? I'm not sure if they get ESPN over here."

Ma grinned and rushed out of the room. "Sure." She was always excited to cater to her kids, no matter how silly the request.

I waited until ma was out of the room. "What's on your mind, Constance? You do the same nervous polite shifting Maura does."

Constance chuckled, tipping her head down. "She is my daughter." She took one step forward, "I never got to say thank you for everything you've done for Maura. You saved her life and I will always be in your debt for that. I should've said it on one of my many visits to you in the hospital, but your mother is very…"

"Annoying? Overbearing? Smothering?" I smirked before running a hand through my very dirty hair. Sponge baths in the hospital did very little to make me feel clean. "I didn't save her life. He found her. He hurt her. It was my fault that happened. She got her memory back and remembered I'm no good for her." I cleared my throat of the lump forming. "She can do better without me. I love her, but I can let her go to keep her safe." I glanced at Constance. "She came to my room one night. I saw the hurt, the pain." I paused, shrugging. "It is what it is. I need to get better and go home."

Constance knelt to be eye level with me, resting a hand on my knee. "Maura has never been good at processing the social emotional aspects of life. I blame my poor parenting in that arena." She squeezed my knee, "My daughter loves you implicitly. Before her incident, and now. Her love for you is so consuming it's a lot for her intellect to digest into bits that will make sense. Give her time. Her memory coming back was like a dam breaking, mingling with her new memories of you two. Needless to say, my daughter is lost." Constance smiled and stood up. "Please, Jane, never say you didn't do anything than your absolute best. You protected her. You saved her. You love her everyday you breathe. For that alone, you will always be a part of the Isles family. You've given my daughter aspects of life I could never teach her."

My eyes welled up at the unsual outpouring of warmth from Maura's mother. It left me speechless. "Thank you." I rasped the words out just as ma ran in with bottles of water and a bowl of grapes.

"I got you water and grapes. The doctors all said you need to stay hydrated." She dumped her goods on the bedside table. "The TV is all set up. I found all your sport channels." She then picked up a bottle of my drugs. "Here, you need to take these and good to bed. You need your rest!"

I shot Constance a look that made her laugh. "Thanks Ma."

Constance smoothed out her sweater, reaching for Ma. "Angela, we should let Jane settle in. We can check on her around dinner."

Ma smiled nervously, "Okay." She squinted at me, "Don't do anything you're not supposed to. Pick up the phone and call next door. I left the number tucked under the TV remotes." She bent over, kissing the top of my head. "I love you, Janie."

I rolled my eyes for the millionth time since we left the hospital. "Love you too."

The second my two moms left the room, I crawled into the bed and took my meds. I laid against the pillows and pulled the softest sheets ever over my tired body. I closed my eyes, thinking over what Constance said. Time. I'd have to give Maura time. It'd probably be easier to let her go than sit on my hands patiently waiting for her to process. I know what I did, and it destroyed Maura along with breaking all of the promises I made her in the recent weeks. I risked my life without thinking about the consequences. I didn't keep Holton away from her. I didn't keep her from getting hurt by him, or me.

I let out a slow sleepy breath. Time. I'd give her time.

But giving her time was going to be hard, especially when theses sheets and the entire apartment smelled like her.

XXXX

Maura

Avoiding my mother's calls was something I never dared to do in my life. I had manners, I had etiquette lessons, and was raised to respect my parents.

But as I slowly climbed the stairs to mother's flat, I didn't care about any of that. My head was too full of so many other things I didn't need to add more. I was tired, borderline distraught and confused. My heart ached as it pulled me in a direction I wasn't sure I wanted to go.

That's why I rented another flat on the other side of the city to hide in. I couldn't fly home until the morning due to my leg and the thunderstorms rolling into Boston. I'd already packed and just needed to collect a few things I'd forgotten in the flat when Jane…we left in a hurry.

I hesitated a step, my heart pounding at the thought of Jane. I loved Jane. I was in love with Jane for years. I'd fallen for the brash detective three months into our budding friendship. I could remember the exact moment my heart surrendered to her.

It was my birthday and Jane and I were deeply involved in a two homicide case that was proving to be very difficult. Celebrating my birth was the last thing from my mind. I wanted to close the case as much as Jane did.

I was sitting at my desk reviewing evidence reports for the fifth time, desperate to find a lead. Jane strolled in, her arms behind her back.

"Maura, is there something you forgot to tell me?" She cocked an eyebrow.

I raised my head in a mild panic. "I don't believe so? I gave Frost all the reports I have and I'm going over my lab work now. I know I keep missing something." I sighed, frustrated with my own inability to solve this case.

Jane stepped closer, setting down a white frosted cupcake and a hastily wrapped gift. "Today is your birthday." She glanced at the clock. "Well it was your birthday. It's now midnight."

I stared at the items. "Jane. How did you do this? Everything has to be closed by now."

She shrugged as she lit the red birthday candle. "Senior Criminalist Chang let it slip when she dropped off the reports I requested. Said something about being nervous to wish her new boss a happy birthday." Jane held the cupcake up, "This was the best I could do on short notice. I stole it from Ma and her baked goods cart."

I knew I was blushing as I blew out the candles. "Thank you Jane." I gingerly took the cupcake and stood still, unsure what to do next. I never had a friend do anything for my birthday. I honestly stopped celebrating birthdays in college.

Jane picked up the square gift and held it out. "This I had to run home and get. That's why it looks like a raccoon wrapped it."

I smiled setting the cupcake down like it was made of glass, and took the gift. "Jane. This isn't necessary. It's just a birthday. And it already technically did pass." I ran a finger along the edge of the paper, peeling it back to reveal a very very old book. Once I saw the cover I almost dropped the book. "Jane this is a first edition of Pancoast's operative surgery! Its incredibly rare!"

Jane chuckled walking to where I stood. "Yeah. I've had it for years. My great aunt Slyvana hoarded books and when she died, I got all the super weird crime and death ones. My brother's have a sense of humor when it comes to my job." She leaned over, brushing my shoulder as she wiped dust off the cover. Her skin was so warm against mine. I had to swallow hard at the closeness and the incredible thought behind her gift. My attraction to Jane was full blown and I was fighting my feelings for her.

Jane turned grinning my way, "It sat on my shelf for years until I met the perfectly awkward medical examiner and best friend who would love it." She laid her hand on my forearm, giving me the shivers. "Happy birthday Maur." She then leaned over, kissing the top of my head.

I was so overcome with emotions, I could only smile and whisper a thank you as I hugged her. Falling even faster for the woman in my arms.

I stood outside the flat door, digging for the keys. I fell in love Jane that night and everyday after. Smothering my feelings as she projected I wasn't her type or her feelings weren't in line with mine. I was supportive during her failed relationships, hoping. I even dated trying to force my heart to accept Jane would never feel anything past friends.

Then the blowout in my office happened. Jane spilling her heart like a broken paint can. She caught me off guard that day and I tried to chase her, but Jane was exceptional at running from her feelings and from me.

Then I was attacked and everything disappeared for awhile until I woke up in the hospital in London and my mind was flooded with memories. I vividly remembered Holton attacking me, and the pain. I remembered being with Jane and telling her I loved her to her face and asking her out on a date. I remember Holton taking me at the manor and the pain he dealt out to both of us.

I remembered all of it and it physically dropped me to my knees from the overload. And now I was doing my best to compartmentalize, analyze, and digest all of this. I was a range of emotions, one primarily being anger. I was angry with no distinct reason why, but every time I looked at Jane, the anger worsened.

I sighed, unlocking the flat and stepping inside. I just needed to slip in and grab my things and slip out.

I limped through the kitchen, tugging on the large leg brace. I was also eager to get home to Boston and get expert physical therapy for my twice broken leg. The doctor told me heels would be out of the question for years. Giving me motivation to prove him wrong. I loved heels. Jane loved me in heels.

I paused, shaking my head and stepped past the bedroom. I turned to look as I braced a hand against the wall. What I saw made my heart drop.

The wild mane of black hair was spread across the pale grey pillows. My heart did that subtle skip it always did when Jane was near. Even the sight her black hair had a profound effect on me. Her leg was half hanging off the bed as she slept on her stomach. Jane was asleep, her breathing slow and heavy. Restricted by the bandages wrapped around her body. I saw clearly her shirt had ridden up to her mid back, the gauze a glaring reminder of what was under the bandages. Deep muscle lacerations with bruising and two surgeries to clean out the infection from his knife. Then there was the punctured lungs and the arterial nick that almost drained Jane in the ambulance. Jane had truly come a breath away from dying. Closer than all the other times she put herself right into the flames.

I stood frozen in the doorway, staring at the woman who literally and truly held my heart. When Jane shifted and kicked all the blankets off and started to shiver.

The doctor in me kicked in and I limped towards the bed. Cool body temperatures wouldn't aid her healing. Jane needed to be warm, dry, and comfortable for her injuries to heal.

I bent down to pick up the down comforter, shaking it before laying it over Jane when I spotted the thin white scar on her back right over her left hip. I sank to sit on the edge of the bed, my hand moving on it's own. My fingers brushed against the scar and her warm smooth skin, smiling at the memory of this particular scar. Maura's scar as she called it. It was the only scar on her body that made my heart swell with love.

"Cold hands. Why do doctor always have cold hands." Jane mumbled into the pillow, not moving.

I pulled my hand away, pulling her shirt down before I covered her with the blanket. "It's the constant hand washing." I moved to stand up when Jane's hand grabbed my wrist.

Two tired brown eyes met mine, shimmering with tears. "Maur." I knew that look, Jane was scared.

I wanted to run as my mind swam with every single memory I had of us. Pushing hard. All the advice my mother had given me over the last three weeks. All of the advice everyone gave me about our friendship. It muddled with what my logical brain wanted, confusing me.

Jane shifted, rolling onto her side. "You're shaking and have that look of wanting to rush out of the room. So before you do, I love you Maura Isles. I have for a very long time and I'm so sorry for all the promises I broke and not being there." She paused, swallowing hard. "I don't care what happens next. I understand I messed things up so much. But I love you and if you don't love me back. I understand. I can only hope you'll forgive me so we can maybe try to be friends." A single tear rolled free, Jane let go of my hand to wipe it away before tucking herself back under the blankets.

"I almost kissed you that day." I whispered, fighting my own tears. "If it wasn't for Angela rushing out to throw me off of you, I would've kissed you with everything I have." I looked up. "August 7th, 2011."

Jane gave me a look. "Your birthday. I know when you're birthday is. I'd never forget something like that. I forget Frankie's and Tommy's, but never yours. I got you a book about turtles and we went to that human body exhibit at the museum for this last birthday."

I smiled at her ranting. "I know. I actually remember all of that." I took a slow breath, reaching for Jane's hand tucked around the edge of the blanket. "August seventh that year was the day I fell completely in love with Detective Jane Rizzoli. You gave me a vanilla cupcake and the most cherished book in my collection. That was the day you showed me I mattered to someone on a level I never experienced before. You cared to make sure I felt special on such a inconsequential day. And I fell in love."

I sniffled as I wrapped my fingers in hers. "Your hands are always warm." I bent down kissing the top her scar. "I'm scared Jane. I'm scared because it took a maniac to hurt me twice to open my heart fully to you and my mind is fighting my heart, telling me to disconnect until it can process fully." I felt the tears sliding down my cheeks. "Then one look at you and my heart swells in my chest at the memories of kissing you, being held by you and feeling more complete than ever. I was never scared of Holton when you were by my side."

Jane nodded. "Your big dumb brain got in the way again. As much I love it, I kinda hate it." She tugged on my hand, using me as leverage to sit up. "So, you've been in love with me for seven years and eleven months?"

I tipped my head down. "That's what hurt when I saw you. All the time I wasted." I stopped, my emotions boiling up. "I don't know what to do."

I felt myself being pulled into Jane's unique warmth. "You let me love you, Maura. I fell in love with you seven years and eight months ago. I got some ground to make up." She pressed a kiss to my temple. "Please let me love you."

I broke down at her words, curling into her chest as the sobs wracked my body. With each one, I felt more and more weight freed from my shoulders. I knew it would be a struggle as I continued to heal physically and emotionally. The deeper scars working their way to the surface as my anger and fear drifted in. But Jane had as many scars, if not more, than I and she still loved me. I felt it in the way she held me and her heart pounded in her chest.

I sniffled, pressing my hand against that heart, letting each beat settle me. I licked my lips, "Only if you show me how to love you, Jane."

She chuckled, a raspy laugh and leaned back. "Everyday. I'll show you everyday. You hold me hostage in all the best ways and I'm never going to try and fight it anymore. I'm yours Maura Isles."

I looked up into her eyes and finally understood the strange saying. I did indeed see my whole world in her. I smiled, reaching up to wipe away her tears. "I'm yours, Jane Rizzoli." I bent forward and for the first time, kissed Jane as me.

Our first kiss was a million times better than any of the others I remembered.

XXXX Jane

I don't think anyone in the world was happier than me to be back home in Boston. Even the disgusting smells of city traffic made me smile.

I was home after two months in England. Back in the city I called home.

"I told Frost and the gang to come over tomorrow to say their hellos." Ma fidgeted next to me in the backseat of the car sent by the Isles family. "I already filled the fridge up with your favorites. Vince has Jo for one more day and then she's coming home."

I nodded absently. Not listening to a damn thing she said. She was being her crazy self again even after being away from me for two days. She'd left with Constance to get my homecoming set up. I was grateful for the silence, but it made me miss Maura.

Maura had left a week ago. She had to return to work and sort out the messes made by Pike and testify in a dozen different cold cases attached to Holton.

We were healing together. I would catch glimpses of fear and panic in Maura every so often. I'd make her talk it out, even if it was her yelling at me for my natural born stupidity when it came to my choices. But she was back. We were back and having her remember me and everything, was amazing and scary. We'd been best friends and the transition to more was slow. Both of us nervous. I knew I loved Maura and she was it. I figured that out years ago, I could wait for her. I would wait for us. We agreed to come home and continue working on our friendship relationship. I didn't know what to call us, we definitely weren't friends with benefits. Just friends who kissed a little and held each other whenever we could.

I smiled absently thinking of our goodbye kiss in the flat. I seriously had been cheating myself keeping my feelings hidden. Maura was one hell of a kisser. Better than any man I encountered and probably better than anyone on this planet. The good doctor had skills and I kicked myself. I could only imagine the things we could've done. My mind shifted to picturing those things and I zoned out.

"Janie? Janie? We're home." Ma tapped me on my shoulder, ripping me from a lovely daydream of Maura wearing nothing but my Red Sox Jersey. I rubbed my eyes, I was beat from the flight and ready to collapse in my bed. I knew it would be nothing like the fancy pillow top bed I'd been sleeping on, but it was mine and I missed it.

I yawned, moving to sit up. Ma hopped out the other side, rushing to the trunk. "Ma, you can just bring my bag. I'm going to head straight to bed. I don't care my apartment is probably really dusty and gross being gone so long. I don't care, please don't hover and try to clean." I leaned out the door, half hollering at Ma.

"You should care. Dust can carry a multitude of microbes and residual skin cells with them. When you inhale dust your practically inhaling other people and their waste." Maura's voice was to my back. I spun around to see the woman leaning into the car on my side. Her hair was up and away from her face, giving me the perfect view of her neck and all those freckles I wanted to kiss. Her hazel eyes sparkled when she met mine.

"Maura! I thought you had a body." I grinned taking her offered hand, letting her guide me from the car.

She grabbed my other hand to steady me. "Kent has a body. I took a half day to ensure the cleaners did an immaculate job before I moved you in. My home had been neglected during the time I was gone. And I do care about dust microbes." She helped me step onto the driveway before sliding an arm across my waist.

I swallowed hard at her touch and the smell of her perfume filling the air. Everything about Maura Isles was distracting and I almost missed what she said until I saw Ma taking my bag into Maura's and the pile of boxes next to the trash with Janie's kitchen, Jane's sports memorabilia, and Jane's clothes written in black marker.

I stopped walking. "Wait. Did you say moved me in?" I glanced down, Maura had a shy smirk on her face.

"I did." She nudged me forward. "I had help from your mother and Frankie. It didn't take long to collect your things and bring them over. I already made room for you in the closet and the spare bedroom has plans to be redone as your office." She spoke quickly, a hint of giddiness in her voice.

I scrunched my brow, "Maura."

She stopped quickly, her heels stuttering on the pavement. "Oh I'm sorry. I should've asked and not jumped to conclusions. I just thought this was a good idea. We've been living co-dependently for two months, and you practically lived here when we were friends, it made sense. I want us to work and I can keep monitoring your healing process. Plus your apartment was very dirty." Maura was straight up rambling.

I smiled, pointing at her feet. "I was about to ask when did the doctor clear you to wear those?" I winced at the sight of the pink scar running down the side of her knee, matching the one I'd given her years ago to save her life.

Maura turned a bright red, swallowing nervously. "He didn't. I have two more weeks of therapy before I can move to a low wide heel." She turned a brighter red. "I wore them for you. It's your favorite pair." Her voice dropped and she tipped her head away. "I can have your brother move your things back this week."

I turned to face Maura, cupping her face with my hands and lifted her beautiful face. When her hazel eyes met mine, I grinned. "I did move in a long time ago. I realize when I went to back for England. All my crap was at your house. Even my favorite coffee mugs are neatly arranged in your cupboard." I ran my thumb over her cheek. "I sleep better next to you. So if you're asking me to move in, yes."

Maura's grin exploded across her face, "Are you sure?"

I nodded, bending down to kiss her deeply. Smiling against her mouth as her hands found my hips and she moaned into my mouth. I parted just enough to whisper, "Yes." I returned to kissing the woman senseless, laughing as she kicked off her heels and stood on her tip toes.

Now I was finally home.