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Chapter Five

Luke walked back into the common living area of the Falcon, glancing at Chewie lounging on the curved bench. The Wookie shot to his feet, inquiring about Rey. Luke raised his hand to calm the worried friend.

"She's fine. Just resting. No need to be alarmed."

At least not yet.

Everything seemed to be spinning at a pace that was too fast for Luke to process. He'd agreed to teach the girl, and he still wasn't sure if that was the right call. Choosing the path of the Force was not an easy road, it was one that had multiple detours paved with death and misery... but also the possibility of freedom. He hoped the Force would guide him to the latter, but would accept if it was his time to leave this realm. To fear death was of the Dark side.

But he did fear it for his new, much younger apprentice.

"Aaagh agh aaaaagh." Leia keeps hailing the Falcon.

"Of course she is." Luke placed his hand on a rusted panel beside him, letting out a long, ragged breath. His energy was spent from talking with his sister before dealing with Rey's dream. And now Leia wanted to continue their conversation, if that's what it was.

Seeing Leia on the holoscreen earlier broke every ounce of determination Luke had to hold himself together. He just sat there, staring at her, taking in her aged feminine features. The puffy bags under her eyes were a testament to how tired she was, the whites around her dark pupils bloodshot from trying to hold back tears. She had smiled at him, but the grin didn't light up her appearance. Her inner pain was evident, even from lightyears away.

I did this to her. I couldn't save Ben, and now my sister has lost her family.

Luke started sobbing in front of his twin. He tried to conceal most of his anguish by putting his head in his hands, but he couldn't stop the cries that escaped his lips. He considered stopping the transmission, but knew that would be a horrible idea. He had to get control of his shaking body and own up for his past failures. Finally, after grounding himself, he looked up at the holoscreen. Leia's cheeks were wet, and Luke's heart rate doubled in speed.

"I've missed you, Luke," she murmured softly. Luke wiped at his eyes, conveying the same sentiment to Leia.

Then, silence.

He wasn't sure what to say to his sister, but he knew what she wanted to hear. He knew she wanted to know about the last few months her son had still been Ben. Even though Luke had left her a brief message before disappearing, it had been vague and the transmission almost incoherent, thanks to intergalactic radiation. Naturally, she would demand the unforgiving details. But the truth was, even Luke wasn't exactly sure when everything started to implode inside his nephew. He had his theories, but only Ben could reveal the whole truth.

If Ben even knew what the truth was.

Luke couldn't tell her about the expectations that surrounded her son. Couldn't tell her that it was their father and Obi-Wan who told him of his nephew's vague destiny. Luke still didn't have all the answers. He tried searching for them in the temples, but came up empty. So no, he couldn't tell Leia everything. Ben didn't even know about it. No one did.

In an attempt to put off talking about Ben, Luke inquired about the Resistance. Surprisingly, other star systems had started to reach out to Leia after the annihilation of the Hosnian System, finding their courage amidst such harrowing times.

"They want to join the Resistance in destroying the First order. Our numbers are low and it's good that other worlds are finally realizing the real threat the galaxy is under. I just wish it didn't take a whole system being destroyed to make these leaders see reason." Leia's forehead cinched in frustration. "Billions of lives murdered in an instant." Her voice was above a whisper, her gaze cast down.

She had friends that died on Hosnian Prime, Luke thought, and now all she has is her memories of them.

His gaze dropped to view his hands interlaced upon his lap.

"I remember feeling their terror, their helplessness," Luke explained carefully. "Men, women, children. The sudden bombardment of emotion made me black out, it was too much for me to take in. For anyone to take in." Luke would never forget that day, of feeling all those people think about their loved ones. He had swiftly witnessed wives clinging to their husbands, friends saying their goodbyes, and mothers holding their children for the last time. The anger Luke felt when he woke in his hut was uncontrollable. He had grabbed his lightsaber, ran to the largest rock formation, and turned part of it into rubble. Then, he'd gone to his knees and sobbed. He recalled when Obi Wan felt the people of Alderaan as their end came, and rebuked himself for not controlling his emotions better, like his former master.

Both Luke and Leia were quiet for some time, thinking about the unnecessary carnage Starkiller had reaped on so many innocent lives.

"Are you considering moving the base?" Luke glanced back up at Leia, trying to change the subject. He was comforted to hear that they were already making preparations for such an endeavor.

Leia explained how they were working quickly to pack up and move their base to Carlac, a planet in the Outer Rim Territories. The Death Watch had started building a base there during the Clone Wars, but was abandoned before it was completely finished. About half the Resistance was already there, with the rest to follow tomorrow to help fortify the surrounding area. When Leia started conveying the numbers left in their fleet, Luke felt the all-encompassing fear that left him unable to breathe.

It was coming directly from Rey.

He immediately bolted to his feet while hearing his sister frantically shouting his name.

And now here he stood, leaning against the skeleton of the Falcon, wondering if he could continue talking to Leia. He headed to the cockpit instead of the private comms station, deciding he would like to have a view of the island while conversing with her. He would need something to look at while he told her of how he failed her son.

()()()()()

Kylo Ren rummaged through his closet, packing extra clothing and other essentials into his duffle bag and personal trunk. His spare helmet was off, but his full battle attire was still on as he grabbed the heavy bag and threw it on his bed. He didn't know how long this mission was going to take, so he purposefully over packed to make sure he was prepared for anything. The comm link buzzed, interrupting his preparations.

"Yes?" Kylo walked over to the refresher to grab his hygienic essentials.

"Sir, we have loaded everything you requested onto your ship. It's ready for take off whenever you are."

"I'll be there in ten minutes." He strolled back to the luggage, stuffing his remaining possessions inside. Once zipped, he placed his helmet over his head and commanded the stormtroopers waiting outside to carry the bag and trunk to the idle vessel. They made their way to the main hangar bay, where Kylo finally got to see the craft that would be carrying him across the galaxy.

He briefly stopped to give the questionable ship a once over.

I asked for an inconspicuous ship, but this looks like it won't even make it to the next star system!

He wondered where the First Order even found such a relic – the VCX-100 light freighter. The model had been made after The Clone Wars, but hadn't been used much since the fall of the Empire. When he studied the history of the Rebellion growing up, he'd read about how these ships were made to be specifically elusive, with secret compartments and a way of hiding itself from Imperial radar. It could even fit a specially designed smaller craft inside that would detach from the freighter's hull.

Hux is banking on this ship falling apart and me dying out in space.

Kylo seethed with annoyance, but decided to prove his adversary wrong by surviving in this tin can. He could use his knowledge of ship mechanics and engineering – which he'd gained throughout his youth – to make the ship last the voyage. Maybe even make some improvements.

As he entered and made his way to the cockpit, his mind drifted unwillingly to his father. Han had taught him as much as he could about flying, but Ben was always more interested in the engineering aspect of it all. That's not to say he wasn't good at piloting. Han would point out on more than one occasion how naturally talented he was at the pilot controls, but Ben was never as enthusiastic. He always knew Han had been disappointed in him for not being more interested in competing in one of those junior saber races he hosted.

Kylo came up behind the pilot's chair, resting his hands on the rounded top. His head turned as his eyes examined the co-pilot seat through the dark tint of his helmet.

A memory flashed in his mind.

Ten years of age, Ben sat in the co-pilot seat of the Millenium Falcon. He gazed at the control board with fascination, wanting to take it all apart and see how it worked. But his father would murder him if he maimed his precious baby.

"Just imagine kid, you could be the youngest being to compete in the saber race. And if you win, which I think you would, your name would be in the record books!" The excitement in his father's voice was impossible to miss. Ben looked up at him, seeing the pride shine through his eyes as Han gazed at his only son.

"Stop!" Kylo shot his fist out to the wall, making a dent in the metal frame. His hand throbbed with anger, but he welcomed it. It helped purge the memories of his younger, foolish self and bring his mind back to the his present task. The strangling guilt had been about to engulf him, like a black hole, if he hadn't had the pain in his hand to focus on.

He tore his gloves off and massaged the knuckles of his dominant hand, closing his eyes, centering himself. The coolness of his fingers gave the hot and inflamed knuckles some relief.

Do not dwell on the past. What's done is done. There's no going back. There is nothing to go back to. There is only what lies ahead.

The scavenger's face lit up in his mind.

Kylo made his way to the pilot seat and started the ship's sequence for takeoff. He had a purpose and a mission to complete. Once he was done, the Supreme Leader would praise him for getting his revenge and for proving his loyalty.

Killing your father should have proved that to him.

Kylo seethed at the abrupt and unwelcome thought.

The Supreme Leader is wise; he has a plan for me. I trust his guidance.

He directed the ship through the hanger and shot out into the emptiness of space. A long, shaky breath escaped his lips as he gently removed the mask, placing it in the co-pilot's chair. The smell of the cold, metallic atmosphere inside the freighter hit his nose and chilled his throat, his eyes darting between all the stars that were laid out before him.

Floating out there in the vastness of space, alone, made Kylo feel somber. It had been years since he'd gone on a mission alone, and he started to relish in the freedom he started to feel. He knew that feeling wouldn't last, though. A deep, debilitating fear started to surface through his solemn exterior: the fear of being alone, of not belonging anywhere, of having no one to turn to. He knew that fear was his weakness, for he'd never found a way to keep it buried in the dark pit of his subconscious for long.

Sitting still, arms crossed over his chest, Kylo thought of that recurring dream. He could still feel the strong sense of wonderment at finding the girl, of running through the snow to see her. The same sensation had caught hold of him when he first laid eyes on her at Takodana, and it struck him with unease that he didn't fight against it. He had theorized that the girl was quite possibly the one who plagued his dreams, but dismissed the notion as being impossible. Still, he remembered being mesmerized by her. Admiring her. And he hadn't known why.

Then he had found an excuse to take her back to Starkiller. He hadn't even questioned his actions at the time.

Holding her in his lap on his command shuttle, Kylo had been afraid that if he let go of her, she'd disappear. Go back to whatever dream she existed in.

All the stormtroopers had just stared at the oddity of witnessing Kylo Ren being possessive over some random girl.

Let them stare, he had thought. Their opinions are worthless.

For most of the flight back, he studied the face that was cradled against his chest, relishing in the feel of her body against his. His eyes ran over her long lashes, her plump, red lips, her sun kissed skin. What would it feel like to touch her without the barrier of his gloves?

If she could see my face, would she be drawn to me like I am drawn to her? Kylo had thought, still not looking away from her, fantasizing of her hand caressing his cheek. But then he felt sick knowing that he shouldn't be wondering about such childish things.

Kylo exhaled, letting go of the memories as he leaned over and punched in the coordinates to his destination, activating the hyperdrive. I cannot indulge in such foolish pieces of fiction, cannot let compassion dictate my actions. She's an enemy of The Order, and she will die.

He left the cockpit, entering each of the living chambers lined just outside, finding the black trunk in one of the four different rooms. It held an array of the different identities he could hide behind, his own very chest of lies and deceptions. A new change of clothes was needed to blend into where he was going, his identity needing to remain a secret. He didn't want the girl to catch wind that he was hunting her.

It could make her harder to find if she was too overly cautious.

He took off his belt, followed by his robes. Bumps spread across his naked, pale skin as the cold brushed against his body. He unclasped the silver latches on both sides of the luggage and lifted the lid. He peered at the set of rags lying on top, their light beige complexion sticking out against the contrast of the dark, inner lining of the trunk. It had been a very long time since he'd worn anything besides black, and he felt himself becoming apprehensive about wearing the light, cotton fabric.

Under his mask was where he was the most comfortable. That helmet was his true face.

It will all be worth it in the end.

Putting aside his trepidation, he started to dress, the fibers of the light fabric scratching against his skin. It was tempting to forget the guise all together and go back to his soft, dark attire. But he didn't

Besides, keeping cool in the heat of the desert would work better in something lighter.

The climate on Jakku can be relentless.

()()()()()

Rey meditated at the northern most part of the island, feeling the morning sun warming her skin, letting the slosh of the waves fill her ears. She basked in the wonderment of being able to be on an island, of being able to experience the ocean in person. Here, on this planet, she didn't have to worry about scavenging old Imperial vessels or rationing her food to last more than a few days. She can now choose to be whoever she wanted to be. Who she can become was no longer dictated by someone's choices, but were now her own. So when she had woken from her rough night of sleep, she headed out to find Luke to start the beginnings of her journey in becoming a Jedi.

Rey had found him meditating on a large flat boulder, not too far from his hut, watching the languid sunrise. "It will be hard, Rey," the man had warned. "You must learn discipline and restraint, which will be difficult since you're starting to train in your adulthood." She listened and nodded with eagerness as he explained how the training would be set up to challenge her, maybe even make her contemplate quitting.

Her emotions bubbled with the excitement of a challenge.

"I won't let you down. I promise." Rey couldn't hold in her sheer joy any longer. She smiled at Luke, but he didn't return the enthusiasm. He looked up at the light blue sky, seeming to get lost in his own thoughts.

Her smile vanished in the breeze. That monster probably promised Luke the same thing once, only to go back on his oath.

Rey craned her head up, watching the island native blue birds fly overhead, their shrill shrieking becoming somewhat annoying.

"Well," Luke said abruptly, his focus returning to her. "Your first lesson can be learning to meditate, to feel the Force flowing through you."

"I've never meditated in my life," she admitted, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear. "Unless trying to fall asleep counts?"

Luke grinned. "They both have their similarities, but are different. When you meditate, you want to feel connected with the living, become one with all that surrounds you." Luke opened his arms, fanning out to the landscape. "You can ponder questions you have and let the Force guide you in your thoughts. Don't fight the path that is laid out to you. Becoming one with the Force is of the Light side. When you start to try to bend it to your will, that is when the Dark side starts to become alluring."

Rey was trying to digest what Luke was teaching her.

Being selfish, dark side. Being selfless, light side.

It slowly dawned on her that it might take an incredible amount of discipline to stay in the Light. All her life, she'd only looked out for herself. She made it a priority to stay away from people as much as possible – less people in her life meant less conflict.

I'm not a bad person, though. At least, I don't think I am. I've helped random strangers who desperately needed it.

She thought of the few times she'd found people dying of dehydration on Pilgrim's Road. She'd lift their heads and pour water into their mouths, then quickly put them on her speeder to deliver them to Niima Outpost. And then there was BB-8. She'd helped that little droid when she didn't need to.

See, Rey? You can do this. You can be selfless and let the Force guide you.

"So," Luke continued, "I would advise that you go explore the island. Find a peaceful place and meditate for a while. Find inner peace. When you're done, come find me. I have a feeling you'll be interested in more training with the lightsaber." A coy smile played along Luke's lips. Rey beamed at him.

"But first things first," he ordered, shooing her away.

Right. Time to meditate.

"Oh, and Rey?" She stopped and turned upon hearing him call out to her. "It will be up to you how you want to address me. Whether it be Luke, Or Master Skywalker, it's your choice."

"Wouldn't Master Skywalker be more appropriate, since I'm your apprentice?"

He didn't answer, instead going back to his immobile state of meditation. She had the sense that he didn't like the title of Master, that it reminded him too much of the past. But no one can run from their memories.

They made you who you are.

"I'll be back soon, Master Skywalker." The loose strands of her hair tickled her cheeks as she walked away from the wide, flat rock. She didn't know where to go exploring first, so she let her feelings guide her. As she headed over to the northern side of the island, she heard Luke's voice carry over to her in the wind.

"No falling asleep!"

She smiled at the grassy terrain, making her way across the unknown territory.

()()()()()

Rey stood at the entrance of a hallway, eyes roaming over a sleek and modern living area. It was of a relatively decent size, big enough to fit two sizable blue sofas and matching end tables. The walls were a light grey color, which played off the dark blue of the furniture in a pleasant and appealing way. Random pieces of art lined the walls, too abstract for her to interpret. Directly in front her was a small, square metal table with four forest green metallic chairs. The dining room flowed directly into a small kitchen, a large counter taking up most of the space in the middle.

The home struck her as beautiful, but comfy. It's a place she wished she had while growing up. All it needed was a family to match.

Something dark appeared in her periphery. She shifted her gaze back to the living room.

Rey's breathing halted mid inhale.

Dressed in all black, a tall man stood not far from her, his back facing her. There was no need to see the man's face, for she knew who he was from his strong build and wavy raven hair:

Kylo Ren.

His presence resonated within her, the inky darkness of anger and pain swimming among her gut, corrupting her once peaceful demeanor. Breathing now shallow, she dare not move, waiting for the moment he would sense her existence. But he never turned. He just kept staring straight ahead. Cautiously, Rey took a calculated and quiet step to her left, peering around his broad frame.

Her eyes caught the manifestation of a young boy lying across the couch, hands intertwined across his abdomen. He had to be somewhere around eleven or twelve years of age, for his youthful face had not caught up to his maturing stature. Eyes fixed on the ceiling, a look of gloom was etched across the boys features, light glittering across his cheeks as Rey realized he'd been crying.

Even young, the boy's angular face was more than recognizable, now appearing in the matured countenance of a sinister man. This young boy was Ben Solo, and Kylo Ren was looking straight at him.

Rey heard a door open and close on the other side of the far kitchen wall. Light on her feet, she bounced back as the sudden noise rippled across the silent room. The young Ben Solo darted into an upright position, quickly lifting his white shirt, wiping away his tear stained cheeks.

Kylo's hands clenched into tight fists.

"Ben?" A woman's voice yelled from the hall.

Ben cleared his throat. "I'm in here!"

Footsteps traveled down the corridor, a woman entering hurriedly into the room. It was General Leia Organa, looking decades younger in her light blue dress, so different from her usual military garb Rey was accustomed to seeing her in. Hair pulled back into a tight bun, her defined cheekbones revealed a grimace as she saw her son.

Rey waited for Leia to notice her and Kylo standing there, but she paid them no heed. She only had eyes for Ben.

Panic was written all over Leia's face as she rushed to the young boy, Kylo's head following the woman as she made her way to the elegant sofa, placing her datapad on the end table.

"Oh Ben. I'm so sorry I missed the award ceremony." She sat down next to her son, wrapping him in a speedy embrace. "The Senate was fighting over this new trade bill that the Centrists didn't agree with. Neither party was wanting to come to a compromise. I was the main Populist voice and I tried to make the other Senators see reason–" Ben harshly withdrew from Leia's hold, scooting away from her, his features souring into a scowl.

Leia lowered her arms and looked miserable.

Silence ensued as mother and son stared at one another.

"Did you get both sides to compromise and pass the bill?" Ben asked, tone eerily level.

"No."

After a brief pause, Ben began to laugh derisively, eyes briefly glancing up at the ceiling. "You wasted your whole day with a Senate you had to have known wouldn't agree on a damn thing, and in return, you missed the competition and awards ceremony. Again." He rubbed his lips together, clucking his tongue as he added, "You know, since you basically live in that Senate building, you should just move all your shit there."

"Language, Ben," she scolded.

"My apologies; you should just move all your shit there, mother."

Shame plastered across the general's face as she looked at her stoic son. Kylo's head moved from side to side, looking between his mother and younger self, his whole body rigid, hands looking ready to pelt anything that provoked him.

"I know how important this competition was to you Ben, but–" A ding from the datapad interrupted her. She sighed in frustration and snatched the pad off the table. Her gaze stayed on the opened message longer than necessary, trying to avoid looking at her son.

"Duty calls?" Ben asked with a certain amount of venom.

Her voice was little more than a whisper as she looked apologetically at Ben. "I'm needed at the Senate building. Tai-Lin wrote it's urgent."

"Well then, by all means, go. Sounds important." His voice was cold. Distant. The silence that filled the room grew, like a living entity between them. Rey could tell Leia was conflicted as to what to do.

Surely she's going to stay, Rey thought. She might not know much about reading people, but she knew enough to see that the young boy was deeply hurt and shouldn't be left alone.

To Rey's utter disbelief, Leia slowly stood and adjusted her dress.

"I'll warm up some leftovers that you can eat for dinner before I go." Her stare lingered on Ben before she headed to the kitchen.

Kylo followed the woman as Ben stayed seated on the couch, studying his mother from across the room. Rey lithely hopped behind the wall before Kylo could notice her intruding presence.

"I'll make this up to you Ben," Leia said. "I promise." Cabinets were being opened and shut, and Rey could hear the clatter of items being put on the counter. Leia was out of view from inside the kitchen, but she saw as Kylo placed both palms on the countertop, leaning in the direction of his mother. Rey saw the side of his face, saw it seeping with unpolluted fury.

"You'll make it up to me?" Kylo spoke through a tight jaw. Even though Rey knew Leia couldn't see them, some small part of her was still expecting the woman to answer back.

She didn't.

Blood pumped furiously in Rey's ears, her whole body pulsating with soldering heat as she watched the man before her, unable to tear her eyes away from this very personal moment.

"Do you even remember how hard I worked to win or to even qualify for that competition?" he asked. "It had taken me years to learn the complexities of battle strategy so I could win. And I did it for you, the idolized war general of the Rebellion. But you didn't even care!" Kylo leaned further over the counter as Rey watched the veins in his neck start to bulge from underneath his skin. "And guess what? I know for a fact you don't make it up to me. You forget all about it." His eyes stayed focused on his mother as she moved about the kitchen.

Rey jumped as Kylo slammed his fist down upon the marble slab. "Don't leave!" he now begged, sounding desperate. "Stay here and make it up to me, like you promised! Can't you see how what's happening to me? How much I've started to hate you? Stop choosing the New Republic over me every fucking time they call!" Tears streamed down his face, hair sticking to those wet tracks on his cheeks.

He let out a strangled sob, hands covering his face in shame, voice becoming softer and harder to hear. Rey strained to hear the words that escaped his quivering lips. "You were never here to notice what was happening. You and dad both had more important things to do then to actually see that I was struggling. That I needed you. What did I need to do to get you to notice? Hurt myself? Because I did, and you still didn't..." Glancing up, he looked every bit like the boy sitting on the sofa, lost and alone. "Why couldn't you just be my mom?" His voice broke, and he inhaled a shaky breath.

Rey came a little closer.

"Why didn't you or dad care about me? You pawned me off to Uncle Luke, forgot all about me. I needed you and you weren't willing to give me your time." He was pleading with his mother, but the prayer fell on deaf ears. Rey heard him, though. She understood the emotions behind his words.

My family dumped me on Jakku and forgot about me. I needed them too, but no one ever came back.

The mixture of Kylo and Rey's despair was threatening to consume her into the unknown, a place where grief and vengeance fought for dominance.

She looked at this lost man with pity, the overwhelming instinct to comfort him shaming her. He killed his father, he doesn't deserve respite, she scolded inwardly. But her compassion for him, in that moment, did not vanish into the stale air like she hoped.

Leia exited the kitchen with two small bowls, walking between Rey's line of vision that she shared with her older son. Kylo's eyes followed his mother as she made her way to the table, but his stare stopped when he saw Rey.

Oh no.

Eyes wide, mouth slack, he was utterly shocked by her presence. In watching the whole scene unfold, Rey had forgot the possibility of him seeing her at that angle.

Throat seizing, denying her air, fear blossomed within Rey's chest as they stared at each other, neither moving an inch. After a few heartbeats, Kylo's expected anger clawed its way to the surface and threatened to explode directly at Rey.

"Get. Out," he said, enunciating the words with deliberation.

Rey remained frozen.

His lips pulled back into a snarl, looking like an animal ready to pounce on its prey. Rey's head pounded from anticipation, and she could feel the panic start to overwhelm her. Her feet remained glued to the floor.

She mustered the courage to speak to him. "I–"

"GET OUT!" he bellowed, his body bending from the overexertion of the scream.

Rey jumped, her heart skipping violently against her ribs as she darted down the hallway. She heard his heavy boots hit the ground as he came after her. As she hurled herself through the door at the end of the corridor, her body suddenly lurched, heat instantly hitting her face as she fell into an unfamiliar realm.

Her eyes where blinded by a powerful ray of light and she knew that death was imminent.