Kurt was waiting in Borden's office when the psychologist arrived in the morning. "I nearly kissed Jane last night," he announced without preamble as soon as the man walked into the room. He'd lain awake most of the night reliving that almost-kiss, torn between relief that he'd been strong enough to walk away and regret over the missed opportunity.
"Did you?" Borden asked mildly as he took a seat, not at all surprised by the revelation. A blind person could have seen that coming—from a mile away. Not that he had expected it to happen quite this soon. But it had been obvious to him from the moment Agent Weller began describing Taylor that he still had unresolved feelings for her, and even in the limited times he'd witnessed their interactions, he'd known that it was only a matter of time before they boiled over. "What stopped you?"
Kurt glared at him. "She's my ex-wife, Doc." A fact that had him even more conflicted now that he strongly suspected Taylor hadn't cheated on him. "And a . . . a victim." God, he hated using that word in connection with her. From the time she was small, she had been the one to stand up for the defenseless, and now it was her turn to need that kind of help.
Not that she was defenseless, per se. Quite the opposite, in fact. Despite the personal hell she was enduring, she was every bit as kind and compassionate as she had always been. In the week that she had been back in his life, she had selflessly jumped in at every opportunity to help others. Was it any wonder that he still found himself attracted to her?
Borden nodded slowly. For a man like Agent Weller, who prided himself on his control and objectivity, not to mention his ability to get justice for the victims in his cases, the lack of progress on this one must be incredibly frustrating, especially given his personal connection to it. "I have a question for you," he said. "You mentioned when I walked in here that you almost kissed Jane last night, but did you really?"
Kurt frowned. "I don't follow."
"Was it Jane you almost kissed," Borden expounded, hesitating briefly before going on, "or Taylor?" Weller looked completely dumbfounded, and he hastened to explain himself. "Look. Taylor was ripped out of your life without warning or explanation, and I'm guessing you buried yourself in work rather than dealing with your emotions about what happened. It's only natural given the lack of closure that those feelings would rise to the surface now."
"So what do I do, Doc?" Kurt asked wearily. "How do I separate those feelings from my professional obligations?" Under ordinary circumstances, he might consider stepping down as lead agent—but whoever was behind this had already made it clear that that wasn't an option. And he wanted justice for Taylor too much to do so in this case anyway.
"For starters, perhaps you should try acting like her boss, rather than a long-lost friend," Borden suggested. "Maintain a professional distance, at least for now, while we sort things out."
"We?" Kurt repeated wryly. He should have known the psychologist's solution would be more talking—to him.
Borden smiled a little. "Yes, Agent Weller, we. That is what I'm here for, after all. You keep coming to these sessions and talking to me, not just about what you're going through right now, but about your history with Taylor as well, and I promise you, you'll gain the perspective you need on this situation."
"I should have known you had an ulterior motive for asking me about that," Kurt grumbled. Simply to help him when Jane started regaining her memories indeed. He couldn't believe he had fallen for that. Borden regarded him steadily, and he shrugged. "Fine. Where did I leave off?"
"You told me that you and Taylor came to an understanding, and the two of you got married before Emma Shaw passed away," Borden prompted.
"Right." Kurt blew out a breath. His wedding. An event he had ignorantly, blithely assumed would change nothing. God, what a fool he had been . . .
xxx
Clearfield, Pennsylvania
January 2001
Taylor was staring at him like a deer caught in the headlights, and Kurt couldn't help grinning at her. "I don't think I've ever seen you at a loss for words before, brat."
The laughter broke the ice, and when it finally died down, he reached over and gently covered her hand with his. "I know this is a lot to take in, so if you'd rather not consider it, or . . . or . . ."
"No!" Taylor interrupted, feeling an unaccustomed warmth spread up her arm from where he was touching her. "It's not that, Kurt. I know what a huge sacrifice this will be for you, and I'll probably take you up on it, if you're sure you're willing to go through with it, it's just . . . Don't take this the wrong way, but you're the last person I ever thought I'd date, much less marry." Though she couldn't honestly say the thought of the two of them as a couple hadn't crossed her mind. She'd had a massive crush on him before he'd left for college, but time and distance had made that all but a distant memory.
Kurt's lips quirked up in a smile. "I'm not sure there is a right way to take that, brat." He sobered quickly. "I'm in, Taylor. So I guess we've got a few things to figure out, huh?"
"I'd say more than a few," she agreed wryly. "Like Mom said, I'm not very . . . domestic."
Kurt laughed at her disgruntled expression. "Don't worry, Taylor. I promise I'll handle all the cooking. We can figure out how to divide up the rest of the chores later." That was the least of their problems at the moment. "I think the most important thing right now is to figure out how things will work between—" He paused and took a deep breath. "Between us."
Taylor nodded. "You told Mom you weren't going to take advantage of the situation. I assume you meant that you don't plan to have sex with me."
Kurt's face reddened at her frankness. "You did just say I was the last guy you saw yourself with," he retorted. "Besides, you're much too young to be thinking about stuff like that anyway." Though come to think of it, the first girl he'd slept with had been Taylor's age, and he hadn't even been her first. He'd never been anyone's first.
"I did say that," Taylor allowed. Mostly because she'd thought some lucky woman would snap him up long before she was old enough to have a shot. "But I'm not a kid any longer, Kurt." In fact, according to the adults who knew her, she was very mature for her age. Not that she'd had much choice in that; with her mom so sick, she'd been forced to grow up fast. "Several of the girls in my class have already—"
"Let's just specify that sex is off the table between us," Kurt interrupted hastily. "I think it would be best not to complicate things." Not to mention, he'd just promised Emma Shaw he wouldn't do so.
"Okay," Taylor agreed, tamping down an unexpected surge of disappointment and not at all sure why she was feeling that way. Kurt was like a brother to her, after all. "So do you plan to see other women while we're married? Because what's good for the gander is good for the goose."
Kurt's eyebrows shot up. Taylor had always been outspoken, but this level of bluntness was new, and he couldn't help but admire how willing she was to advocate for her own interests. Judging from the faint blush staining her cheeks, this wasn't any easier for her than it was for him. "Given what a small town this is, it would probably be best if we refrained from seeing other people while we're married." The last thing they needed was to make things uncomfortable for themselves by igniting a firestorm of gossip. It would only be for a couple years, and he wasn't looking to settle down at this point anyway.
And no matter what Taylor thought, she was much too young to be making such a monumental decision. She deserved for her first time to be with someone she could have a future with, someone who fully appreciated how special she was, not some loser in this backwoods town who could derail the bright future she had ahead of her. It was probably much better that they were getting married, come to think of it. She was going to be especially vulnerable after her mother's passing, and he would be better able to protect her from boys seeking to prey on that as her husband than merely her guardian.
They hashed out several more details before Kurt leaned back, satisfied. "Well, I think that about covers everything. If you want to go get your mom, we can—"
"Actually," Taylor cut in hesitantly, "there's one more thing we need to discuss. I, uh . . . I have a request." Given how accommodating Kurt was being, she hated to impose on him further, but this was important to her. And she knew it would mean the world to her mother. "I know the marriage won't be real, but I want . . . I'd like the wedding to be. I know it's a lot to ask, but this will be my only chance to have my mom there for . . ."
Kurt's heart ached as he tightened his grip on her hand. "It's not too much to ask at all, Taylor." The next time she got married—the only time she did so for real—her mom wouldn't be there to meet the young man she had fallen in love with, to help pick out her dress, or walk her down the aisle. "It will be my honor to do that for you."
Taylor smiled, though it didn't quite reach her eyes. "Thanks, Kurt." He had always known just what to say to make her feel better. She was so incredibly thankful that he was choosing to be here for her now. She knew what a sacrifice he was making, and she would do everything in her power to make sure he never regretted it. She would be a good wife to him, albeit a temporary one.
"My pleasure, brat," Kurt assured her. "Now, I think we should fill your mom in on what we've decided, and then go pick out an engagement ring for you."
Taylor's breath caught in her throat. "An . . . an engagement ring?" That hardly seemed necessary under the circumstances. "Kurt—"
"The full wedding experience, Taylor," he reminded her gently before she could tell him it wasn't necessary. He wanted every moment she and Emma had left together to be as magical as he could make it. It was the least he could do for his almost little sister—his fiancée now, he reminded himself—and the woman who had always been a second mother to him. He got up without relinquishing her hand and tugged her to her feet.
"You know," Taylor mentioned as she let him lead her out of the room, "now that we're getting married, you're going to have to find a nickname for me other than 'brat'."
Kurt chuckled. "We'll see." He waited a beat before adding, "brat."
xxx
New York City
Present Day
"We were married three weeks after Taylor's sixteenth birthday," Kurt said softly.
"Hold on," Borden interrupted before Kurt could continue. "What did your father and Sarah think of this plan?"
"They didn't know." Kurt shook his head a little at the memory. "Given my father's . . . issues at the time, Emma and I agreed it would be best to keep them in the dark until right before the wedding. Taylor was unhappy about it, because she wanted Sarah to be her maid of honor, but once we figured out a way to make that happen, she went along with it. I returned to Clearfield the day before our wedding . . ."
xxx
Clearfield, Pennsylvania
March 2001
"Kurt!" Sarah exclaimed gleefully as her brother walked through the door of their father's house. "This is a surprise. I wasn't expecting you back until . . ." The next anniversary of their mother's death, she started to say, but decided not to jinx it. His visits were entirely too infrequent, and she hoped his unexpected arrival heralded an end to that scarcity.
"Hey, Sarah," Kurt greeted as he enveloped his sister in a hug. He had wanted to return for Taylor's birthday three weeks ago, but they had all agreed that would be too obvious a sign that something was up, so he had dropped off his birthday present for her—a portable oil painting set—before making his way over here to break the news of their impending nuptials. "Is Dad . . . around?" Awake and sober were clearly implied.
"Yeah," Sarah replied cautiously. Their father hadn't had a drink in nearly twenty-four hours, but she couldn't say it had improved his disposition. If anything, his mood had grown even more irascible without the alcohol. She had no idea how he would react to Kurt's impromptu visit, but the tumultuous history between them didn't bode well for the happy reunion she was hoping for. "But this might not be the best time to—"
"Sarah?" Bill Weller called. "Who's here?"
Kurt brushed past her and followed the sound of his voice into the living room, Sarah trailing reluctantly behind him. His mouth tightened as he took in his father's disheveled appearance. Some things never changed. He took a deep breath, recalling his promise to Emma and Taylor to be civil. He didn't want anything to ruin tomorrow for them. "Hello, Dad."
"Kurt!" Bill staggered to his feet. "It's good to see you, son. What are you doing here?"
"I have something to tell you," Kurt said evenly, trying not to flinch at his father's use of the word son. He had never wished more than at this moment that he was someone else's child. He forged ahead, wanting to get this over with as quickly as possible, and get back to the Shaws. He would definitely be staying at a hotel tonight. "Taylor and I are engaged. We're getting married tomorrow."
Sarah started to laugh before the look on Kurt's face registered, and she realized he wasn't kidding. "Are you . . . You can't be serious!" Taylor was barely sixteen. No way would Emma Shaw ever allow that. No sane parent would.
"I am. And we are." Kurt took a deep breath. "Emma has given us her blessing." Though that might be overstating things a bit. Sarah still didn't know about her cancer diagnosis. He would share that with her privately later. "I'm going to finish out this semester, and then transfer to a college in Pittsburgh." He would have graduated this year if he hadn't delayed going to look out for Sarah until she turned eighteen. "We'll be staying at her place."
Sarah was just opening her mouth to ask him why, try to make sense of what was going on, when their father spoke up. "Congratulations," Bill sneered. "I'd say I wish you both the best, but to tell the truth, I'm looking forward to seeing how high-and-mighty you are after she breaks your heart and leaves you in the dust." It was no more than his self-righteous son deserved, in his opinion. "You think you're better than me, but you'll wind up just like me soon enough."
"I will never be like you," Kurt countered icily. His marriage to Taylor wasn't a love match, but even if it were and she did betray him—which she wouldn't—he would never take her loss out on the people closest to him. The people who shared that devastating loss and only wanted to help him through it. "I felt I owed it to you to let you know what I was doing, but you're not invited to the wedding."
"I wouldn't have come anyway," Bill interjected snidely.
"Sarah . . ." Kurt continued as if his father hadn't spoken, turning to his sister, whose eyes were shimmering with tears. "I think it would be best if we continued this conversation elsewhere. Come with me to the Shaws?"
Sarah nodded wordlessly and followed him out the door, but she rounded on him as soon as they were out of earshot of the house. "What the hell is going on, Kurt?" she demanded. "And don't try to bullshit me into believing that you spent a few hours with Taylor when you were here last month and suddenly couldn't live without her. She's sixteen, for god's sake. What the hell is Emma thinking, allowing this?"
"The cancer's back. She's dying, Sarah," Kurt said quietly, drawing his sister close as shock, then anguish played across her face and tears filled her eyes. She loved Emma Shaw just as much as he did. Maybe even more, since Emma and Taylor had been a lifeline for her while he was away at college. He hoped now that he was moving back home, he could convince her to start looking out for her own future. Sarah was too bright to waste away in this backwater town looking after a drunk her whole life.
"No!" Sarah wailed, burying her face in Kurt's shoulder and soaking his shirt with her tears. How was she going to survive without Emma around to talk to when things got tough? How was Taylor? "How long . . ." Her voice was shaking as she drew back, and she took a deep breath to steady it. "How long does she have left?"
"Her doctors think a couple months, at best." Kurt was hoping she could hold on until he finished this semester, but privately he suspected she had much less time than that. Emma was still putting on a good face to the outside world, but he had been shocked by how rapidly she had declined in the five weeks he had been away. He was surprised Sarah hadn't picked up on it, but from the looks of things at home, she'd had more than enough on her plate to distract her from noticing. "I'm not so sure. I'm thinking I may need to come home before the semester's over and make it up later."
"Kurt, no." Sarah frowned at him as she struggled to process this information. "You've worked too hard to do that." He would no doubt lose a few credits in the transfer, and he was already two years behind because of her as it was. She was more than happy to repay that sacrifice now. "Look, New York's only a couple hours away, so you can come home on weekends, and I'll stay with Taylor if need be until you finish this year." She smiled at his dumbfounded look. "That is why you're marrying her, right? To keep her out of foster care?"
"Yeah," Kurt admitted. "I offered to be her guardian, but Emma didn't think the state would let me have custody of her, and there was no way I was going to let Taylor wind up with strangers or in some group home somewhere. She deserves better than that, Sarah."
"I know," Sarah agreed carefully, "but marrying her, Kurt? Have you really thought this through? It's an awfully big commitment." A lifetime commitment, according to the religion she still clung to, and he had turned his back on. She could bet it wasn't going to be a church wedding. But it would still change his life in ways she knew neither of them could imagine at this point in time. Even if it wasn't an actual marriage.
"It's just for two years, Sarah," Kurt assured her, refusing to acknowledge the vague trepidation that accompanied any thought of that commitment. Sarah was clearly unconvinced, but she simply nodded as she fell into step beside him, and they headed to the Shaws. He and Taylor had a game plan in place, and they were good enough friends to weather any differences that arose and go their separate ways when the time came. This wouldn't change his life in any significant way.
The first hint he had of how wrong he was came when he glimpsed Taylor walking down the aisle of the wedding chapel on her mother's arm toward him. He had never even seen her dressed up before, and she was an absolute vision in that flowing white sundress with her hair carefully styled and just a hint of makeup on her face. His mouth went dry as Emma placed her hand in his and then covered both of theirs with hers, squeezing gently before stepping back and taking her seat. Taylor's fingers trembled slightly in his as they turned to face the justice of the peace, and he tightened his grip reassuringly.
The rest of the ceremony was a bit of a blur as he and Taylor pledged their lives to one another, and he pressed a quick kiss to her forehead before turning to greet their few guests. Several of Emma's good friends had come, as well as a few of Taylor's favorite teachers. Sarah had stood up for Taylor, and a buddy of his from high school had done the honors for him, but all in all, it was a sparse wedding crowd. Not at all the occasion Emma and Taylor should have had the opportunity to enjoy.
He glanced down at his new wife as they headed toward the exit. "You clean up pretty nice, br—Taylor," he amended in deference to her new status. He would have to get to work finding a new nickname for her.
Color stained her cheeks at the compliment. "Thanks. You don't look so bad yourself." The last time she had seen him in a tux—at his senior prom—had sparked a major crush. Thankfully, she was much more mature now. Although her heart had skipped a beat when she first laid eyes on him.
Kurt chuckled. "I can't wait to get out of this thing," he confided. "What do you say we change back into comfortable clothes, and go grab a bite to eat? I'll even let you pick the place. My treat."
"Sounds good," Taylor said archly. "See? You're learning to be a dutiful husband already. I'll have you trained for the next Mrs. Weller in no time." She sauntered away to her dressing room to the sound of deafening silence.
xxx
New York City
Present Day
"She sounds like quite a character," Borden said with a smile. Small wonder that Agent Weller had fallen in love with her. It was a pity that she had left him. He had a feeling that the two of them had enjoyed life much more together than apart.
"She was," Kurt agreed with a reluctant smile of his own. Compassionate and stubborn and feisty and opinionated were only a few of the adjectives he'd use to describe her. And fun, of course. Even her mother's death hadn't dimmed the light within her. But whatever had happened to her in the intervening years had certainly done so. His smile faded. "I—" His phone buzzed and he glanced down. Mayfair wanted to see him. Immediately. "I've got to go, Doc. Same time, same place, on Wednesday?"
"I'll be here," Borden confirmed, but he was already talking to an empty room. Agent Weller had taken his leave with his customary haste.
Kurt's steps slowed as he approached his boss's office. She hadn't said what she wanted, but experience had taught him that being called on the carpet first thing in the morning was never good. And his instincts were right on the money in this case.
"I hear you had Jane over for dinner," Mayfair said without preamble as soon as Kurt entered her office.
"Yeah," Kurt said, stiffening slightly even though he had absolutely nothing to feel guilty about. At least in this instance. He had tried to avert that catastrophe. "It was my sister's idea." One he was fairly certain she wouldn't be suggesting they repeat any time soon.
"How worried do I have to be about your objectivity on this case?" Mayfair demanded. She might not be able to take him off the case, but she would close it so fast his head would spin if he couldn't keep his emotions in check.
"You don't. It was a family dinner." A family Taylor had once been the heart and soul of. "My . . . my nephew was there. It was nothing inappropriate." Unlike what had passed between them last night. Fortunately, Borden was helping him to get a handle on that. He intended to begin treating Jane like a boss rather than her long-lost friend immediately.
Mayfair blew out a breath. "I'm speaking generally. Normally, your judgment is beyond reproach, but with her . . ."
"Look," Kurt interrupted. "We all know that this is . . . an unusual situation." To put it mildly.
"Which is why I need to know that you're rock solid out there. That you're seeing things clearly." She had already lost one good agent for the foreseeable future and possibly permanently. She didn't need anyone else she cared about getting hurt or killed chasing down the ghosts this case presented. Weller didn't need that on his conscience.
Kurt met her gaze squarely. "I am." He would be. Even if he had to meet with Borden every damn day to accomplish it. Mayfair's look was frankly skeptical, and he sighed. Her lack of trust stung, even if it was well-deserved. "What more do you want me to say? I am doing everything you asked of me when you agreed to let me take over this case. What's changed all of the sudden?"
She'd seen the way he'd looked at Jane in that interrogation room. The way he had looked at her every day, every moment, since. He was still in love with her, though she didn't think he recognized that yet. But it was only a matter of time. "Nothing. Nothing's changed." She decided a change of subject was in order. "Have you had any luck remembering the name of Taylor's college roommate yet?"
To be honest, he hadn't given it a thought in the chaos of the past week. "I'm working on it."
"Well, work harder," Mayfair advised. "Girls that age often confide in one another, and that's the last thread we have to pull to find out what she was up to back then. Absent that . . ."
She didn't complete the sentence, but she didn't need to. Absent that, they knew no more now than they had the night he'd laid eyes on Taylor again. "Yes, ma'am," he said as he exited the office and went in search of Jane.
It was time he started proving to himself that she was just another one of his employees.