This was stupid. So embarrassingly stupid that I had no idea how I could even sit at my laptop without curling in on myself. I looked at what I'd typed in the search bar and sighed. Then I pressed enter and scrolled through the various pictures that came up.
Question: What sane guy on this planet would ever start a Pinterest search titled 'what to wear on the first date'?
This cringey Eren Jeager boy right here, that was who.
I could never tell anyone about this, least of all Levi. He'd never let me live that one down. The thing was, I wanted this to be perfect. From my clothes, to the place we'd go, to how this date night would end, I'd not be satisfied with anything less than perfect. For some reason, I felt like I owed that to Levi. He'd opened up to me, given me so much of himself despite everything he was dealing with, and taking him out to prove to him how much this meant was the least I could do. He'd never admit it, but I'd picked up on the slight traces of excitement he'd try to suppress whenever our date came up. He was anxious for this to happen, maybe just as much as I was, and that's why I wanted to give him exactly the date he deserved. I smiled while I went through all the different outfits consisting of dress shirts and blazers, pondering whether Levi would like seeing any of this on me. I was more the casual denim jacket type of guy, but for a date, I was itching to wear something special. I put a finger to my lips in contemplation as I took in an especially nice combo consisting of a dress shirt and navy blazer. I had one quite similar to the one on the screen hanging in my closet. Throwing a glance to the clock on my nightstand, I confirmed the time I'd left to get ready and got up to try on the outfit I was planning to wear.
When I'd taken a generous shower that left my skin flushed and soft to the touch, I walked back to my room and stepped into a pair of boxer briefs. There was still an hour left until I had to pick up Levi at his place. For what must have been the trillionth time, I worked off the to-do list in my head. My outfit was ready (pressed, even), reservations were made, my car was cleaned and topped up. Two days ago, I'd panhandled my friend Jean to get me a bottle of that very expensive champagne they sold at the liquor store downtown—of course the bastard had hustled way more money from me than what was fair, including commission or whatever crap he'd tried to make me believe. If I hadn't been so desperate to get my hands on that special brand of champagne, I'd have told Jean to go to hell and thought of an alternative instead. As it was, Levi had mentioned this very brand once and that had basically closed the deal. An extensive Internet research had yielded the result that strawberries went especially well with champagne, so I'd dropped by the store the day before and gotten two packages of the premium brand which were now all ready and waiting for us in the fridge. Of course I'd also gotten a selection of Levi's favorite bath bombs from a Lush store near my house. In short, I'd taken care of everything I could think of to make this date as good as it could be. The restaurant I'd chosen wasn't anything super fancy, at least not as fancy as I'd have liked, but it was nice and cozy and apparently, the food was great. It was a bit outside of town, about twenty minutes by car. If time would have allowed it, I'd have picked something farer away than this, to make sure we wouldn't meet anyone we knew. It wasn't that I was ashamed, just that I wanted this day to be only ours, without any interruptions that would require us explaining why we were out on a date together.
I was pulled from my mental agonizing when my phone chimed from somewhere between my sheets. Putting my jeans back down, I walked over to my bed wearing only my boxers and started scouring my blankets for the phone. After a few moments of searching, I found it tucked away beneath my pillow.
Armin: Hi, Eren! Camping's great so far. We might be back a bit sooner than expected. Can't wait to see you. Mikasa says hi. Hope you're doing fine!
PS: Don't get into any trouble.
I chuckled at Armin's message and quickly typed a reply. My best friends had been away for a camping trip since the beginning of summer vacation. They were due to return by next week, but based on Armin's text, they might be back earlier than that. I was happy to have them back, but at the same time, I was also nervous. They'd be the first people I'd come out to, and even if I expected them to support me, it was still a huge thing for me to tell someone. I still had to come up with the best possible plan of action to pull that off, but for now, I pushed those thoughts to the back of my mind. I'd worry about that next week, today belonged to someone else.
After writing a few texts back and forth with Armin, I bit my lip while I contemplated sending a message to Levi. Geez, I was ridiculously clingy as it was, I shouldn't even think about shooting him another text when I was set to be at his place in less than an hour. As always, my desire to be in touch with him won out and led me to open up a new message.
Me: Hey, baby. I can't wait to see you. 6 still ok with you?
I pressed send and played around with my phone while I waited for a reply. Maybe he would just roll his eyes and click my message away. I really was annoying him, wasn't I? If only I could help myself. I almost jolted (okay, maybe I did jolt, just a bit) when my phone vibrated with a new text.
A giddy chuckle worked its way up my throat when I caught a peek of Levi's name on the screen.
Levi: Yes. 3
He'd sent a heart symbol. An actual heart symbol. Goodness. To anyone else, that probably didn't mean much, but to me it meant everything. Levi wasn't the type to shower me with heart symbols or kissy faces, so whenever he did, it was special. I traced the pad of my finger across the text and couldn't help but smile. This day was going to be perfect. I knew it. I put my phone away and finished getting dressed with the white dress shirt, the navy blazer and black jeans I'd laid out. Once I had fastened my watch around my wrist, I eyed the plain black tie I'd wrapped around the hanger, just in case I wanted to go all out. A tie? I wasn't sure. Was this too much? Would Levi like seeing a tie on me? I brushed my knuckles over the soft material. There was only one way to find out. I snagged it from the hanger and tied it in place around my collar.
A few minutes later, I was seated in my car and ready to drive off. I put on a playlist from my Spotify as I set the turn signal and left my driveway. I was so incredibly excited for this date that it was hard to stay calm, much less breathe easy. What if I messed up? Despite all the preparations I had made, the odds of me screwing up somewhere along the way were pretty much in my favor. However, it was not like that was something I had any influence over. If bad luck decided to dog me tonight, all I could do was to be extra careful.
For the rest of the drive, I tried to concentrate on the music blasting from my speakers. When I finally pulled into the parking lot of Levi's apartment complex, I felt as if I was about to burst out of my seams from nerves. My palms were moist and my bottom lip was raw with how much I'd been biting it during my way here. I pulled into an empty spot and killed the engine, taking a few moments to calm down by establishing a steady breathing rhythm of inhale and exhale. When I opened my eyes, they fixed right on Levi, who was just stepping out of the entrance door. As soon as he was within walking distance of me, everything changed. My nervousness waned, my heartbeat returned to normal. Suddenly, what filled me wasn't anxiety or fear of screwing up, but plain, unobstructed happiness. Levi was here, with me, and whatever would happen, he'd be by my side. With him, I could do anything. No matter what happened, I'd be alright. We'd be alright. As long as we were together.
I offered Levi my brightest smile when he pulled open the car door and slipped into the passenger seat. My eyes were already half-closed, my upper body leaning in for a kiss when I realized I wasn't getting one. I opened one eye and caught his incredulous expression.
"What?" I asked.
"Well, maybe there's something wrong with my eyes, but... Are you wearing a tie?"
I felt heat flush my cheeks and knew I was sporting one hell of a blush right now. I guess Levi didn't like ties; there was my answer. My fingers trembled from embarrassment when I reached up to loosen the knot around my neck and take the tie off. Then, a pale hand on mine stopped me. I met Levi's glossy gray eyes and tilted my head in question.
"No, please don't. Wear it. I like it on you," he whispered before clearing his throat and looking away.
Warmth encased me in an instant as I soaked up his words. So he liked the tie after all. I brushed my palm along the lapel of my blazer and whispered his name to bring his eyes back to mine.
"Do you like the rest of me too?"
Levi smiled and reached out to brush my hair behind my ear. I shivered.
"I like all of you," he smiled before adding with a wink, "Without clothes even more."
His cheekiness drew a genuine chuckle from me, and along with that, the last bit of my anxiety faded away. I grabbed his hand and laced his fingers with mine, grinning down at him.
"Kiss me," I said, and within a second, his lips were on mine. I leaned closer, enjoying the feel of his shoulder brushing against mine and his warm breath in my mouth. Levi deepened the kiss, his tongue licking a wet trail across my own, and a tiny moan escaped me in response. We should probably stop before this could lead to more—the more that entailed Levi spread out on my backseat—and get back on the road. At least that was what I was thinking before his lips erased every last sliver of reason from my mind. I groaned when he bit my lip and I left his mouth to suck on his jawline in return.
"Eren, w-we should... Get going," he moaned quietly, his hand slipping into my hair to keep my mouth on his skin.
"Mh yeah, probably..." I smirked but didn't even try to pry my lips loose from his porcelain neck. His fingers began tugging on my hair, which only served to turn me on more. Soon, he realized his repeated pulling on my hair didn't have the desired effect of me stopping, so he leaned out of my reach, his breathing heavy.
"If we don't stop here, I'll crawl to the backseat and won't let you leave until you've made me come at least twice," he panted.
"Levi," I groaned, "You really know how to speed up this whole date thing, don't you?"
Levi naked beneath me, on my backseat. Somehow, that seemed worthy of abandoning my date plans for the night, but I couldn't let that happen. What he deserved was a fairytale date, and he'd get it. Tonight.
I bit my lip and pulled him in for another long, wet kiss before I settled back in my seat and started the engine.
When we were on the road, I snuck a peek at him from the corner of my eye, taking in the view of him from top to bottom.
"You look gorgeous."
Even in the dim light, I could make out the soft blush grazing his pale cheeks.
"Thanks... If you'd told me tonight required a tie, I'd have... I don't know. Dressed up a bit more."
I didn't know what about his outfit made him think he was underdressed. He was so perfect wearing his black and white plaid shirt and tight black skinny jeans. He didn't even have to try.
"I love what you're wearing. Don't worry. You look amazing."
I took his hand and held it while we drove through the evening, using the minutes we spent at every red light to steal quick kisses and gentle touches.
About ten minutes before we arrived at the restaurant, Levi picked up my phone and started going through my playlists. Mentally, I shot a quick prayer to the heavens above, wishing I didn't have anything saved that would embarrass me for the rest of my days. My heart thumping, I kept glancing at him as he scrolled through various songs, until he stopped at one and put it on.
A very familiar beat filled the interior of the car, accompanied by lyrics I'd come to adore by listening to them over and over again.
What if, what if we run away
What if, what if we left today
What if, we say goodbye to safe and sound
What if, what if we're hard to find
What if, what if we lost our minds
What if, we looked and fall behind and then never found
My lips fell open and I wanted to say something trivial, maybe something about the song or the lyrics, maybe even crack a joke, but when I met Levi's fierce eyes, words failed me. All I could think about was him and me, us, while the music wrapped around us like a blanket, the lyrics pouring warmth into the small space between us.
And when the lights start flashing like a photo booth
And the stars exploding
We'll be fireproof
My youth, my youth is yours
Trippin' on skies, sippin' waterfalls
My youth, my youth is yours
Runaway now and forevermore
My youth, my youth is yours
A truth so loud you can't ignore
My youth, my youth, my youth
Something odd was going on inside me, something that made me connect to the song, recognize the meaning behind each line and how perfect they all weaved into the relationship we had. I took a deep breath while my heart threatened to jump right out of my chest, straining against my ribcage, pulling me closer towards the boy I loved. Concentrating on driving was becoming increasingly more difficult as I tried to handle both the mechanics of it and this incredible urge to wrap Levi up in my arms and whisper every tiny little thing he made me feel into his soft skin. Taking his hand in mine, I brought it to my lips and breathed the line across his knuckles—my youth is yours—because it was—my youth, my love, my everything, it was all his. This was the truth so loud I can't ignore—my truth, and all I could do was whisper the words into his skin because I was robbed of the ability to put into words how much of me belonged to him. But he understood. Somehow, he understood what was going on inside me, even without me putting it into coherent sentences.
He leaned into me, his other hand covering both of ours and then he pulled them to his mouth and kissed my fingers wrapped around his, so careful that I felt a stinging sensation pricking at my eyes.
"Eren, I want to run away with you. I want to be lost with you. I want to experience all my firsts with you, every single one. I love you, so much, please just... Stay with me."
A strangled gasp left my lips and I shot a quick look out the window to my right. One moment later, I jerked the steering wheel and swerved to the sideline. The car juddered over gravel until it came to a standstill, and I killed the engine and put it into park, all in one rushed movement. My seat belt went flying and then I was on the center console, not giving a shit about how my knee smashed into it or my shoe got caught on the seat, all I wanted—all I needed—was Levi. His arms were open, ready to bundle me up, and I didn't hesitate. I flung myself at him, feeling his body heat beneath me and his hands in my hair. Our lips crushed together while the song went on, tongues tangling as we swallowed every gasp and moan passing between our lips.
"Always..."
"I love you, all of you..."
"You're mine."
"I'm yours."
All those significant phrases swirled around us, creating pages over pages of sweet vows. Vows I'd keep as long as I breathed. What I'd done to deserve such luck, I didn't know. Maybe I'd never know. All that mattered was that I'd done it; I'd found him. That one person who made up everything I lacked, who fit all my jagged edges. Our hands pulled on each other's shirt, fingers unable to pull buttons apart fast enough. For a moment, I contemplated ripping Levi's shirt open, but that would probably turn out to be a mistake considering we had somewhere to be afterwards. After a few moments of more desperate pulling, I finally managed to flip Levi's shirt open, exposing his flawless, milky chest to me. I licked my lips at the view, and then moaned unabashedly when I bent down to touch my lips to one curved collarbone. The tip of my tongue followed its slant, leaving a thin, glossy trail in its wake before I moved to the second.
"Mh, Eren... Please..."
He arched his back and with that, I knew what he was asking for. A smile was curving my lips while I moved my mouth to where he wanted me, relishing his moan when I closed my lips around one pink nipple to have a taste.
"Ah... Damn," Levi moaned. His fingers slipped into my hair, holding me steady. His taste filled my mouth, sweet and irresistible. I was lost. Without even knowing it, my lips wandered down the soft dips and curves of his stomach, gravitating to that one special place I was yearning to taste.
"Eren... W-Wait..."
His voice was like beautiful ambient music to my ears, his whispered command not insistent enough to pierce my current state of infatuation.
I was just about to bite down on the waistband of his jeans when his hand slipped in between my lips and that gorgeous pale skin of his.
"Hang on for a sec... I really want this date."
"And I really want you," I said breathlessly, pushing his hand away to resume my kissing. But before I could, Levi's palm covered my mouth and effectively thwarted my plans.
"Please."
One look at his face was enough to make me stop for real. He was so serious about this, and within the blink of an eye, I was hit by a lash of guilt. Wasn't I the one who'd promised him a perfect date? What the hell was I even doing here, all but ripping his clothes off on the passenger seat of my car?
My shoulders sagged and I released a long exhale into his palm, which remained on my mouth. Apparently, he didn't trust me enough to take it away yet, and he probably shouldn't.
"Levi... I'm so sorry. I'm... Incorrigible."
My eyes dropped to my fidgeting hands, because suddenly, I felt too embarrassed to look at him. Seriously, I was behaving like some sex crazed animal and if Levi thought I was only in for the physical experience, I wouldn't even blame him. Nothing could be farther from the truth.
"Hey, don't look like that," he said, his hand finally moving from my mouth to caress my cheekbone. I leaned into the touch without even realizing it. Following his movements with mine, only to connect and touch, was something that had almost become second nature.
"No, you're right. I'm sorry, I really am," I said. I listened to his breathing while I began buttoning his shirt, one button after the other, until his milky chest was covered once more. Then I sighed and smiled at him. "Let's do this."
We arrived at the restaurant only minutes before the reservation was due, but luckily, we made it on time. I'd known the restaurant was nice, it was one of the main reasons I'd chosen it. That, and that it was Italian. Despite everything that had happened on our first date back at my place—namely making Levi mine for the first time—one other piece of important information had stuck, and that was that Levi liked Italian food. Knowing that fact had made my search for the right restaurant a lot easier.
"Italian," Levi stated with a small smile while he sat down in one of the plush red seats. I took a seat across from him and picked up one of the menus offered by the waitress, trying to contain my grin. He'd noticed, and I was fairly certain he knew exactly why I'd chosen this place without an explanation.
"Yes, Italian," I nodded when the waitress had taken our drink orders and hurried away. The place was really nice, almost fancy even, and despite the fact that I usually didn't frequent restaurants like this, I didn't feel uncomfortable or out of place. The lighting was turned down to lend some privacy, and there was a single scented candle in the middle of the table which gave the atmosphere something romantic. Once again, I was glad I'd chosen to take Levi here for our first proper date.
I watched my gorgeous boyfriend as he flipped through the menu, his eyebrows adorably puckered as he pondered what to pick. My own menu was forgotten. He was just too cute, especially now that he'd put a finger to his chin while letting another one glide over the many dishes they had. Luckily for me, the table was rather secluded and small enough to touch him without having to drape myself across the table. Suppressing a giddy chuckle, I let my foot wander in his direction, until I met his under the table. A small gasp left his mouth when I moved my instep up along his calf. He shot a nervous glance around us, but there was no one close by who'd notice what I was doing to him.
"W-What are you doing?" he whispered under his breath, cheeks blushing a dainty pink. I bent my leg and brushed my foot against his knee. Too bad he wasn't wearing ripped jeans today, he'd feel this so much more if he did.
"Touching you," I said, as if it was the most normal thing in the world. Levi dropped the menu and then his hands were on my foot beneath the table, stopping me from taking this any further.
"N-Not here, idiot!" He scolded, but I only grinned at him. Doing something like this—something improper in public—was driving a spark of excitement through my veins. And I knew he felt it too. I didn't want to stop. It was not like I could hold back from touching him for more than ten minutes at a time anyways. Not here, while we were on our first real date and he was looking at me like I'd made a dream of his come true with it.
"Please?"
"No!"
I sighed. Admittedly, the fact that he always knew how to keep me in check when I was about to jump his bones had been a saving grace more than once, but at times, I wished he would just give in to me and let me do what I longed to do. Even if it was risky and dangerous.
I moved my foot again, but his iron grip didn't budge. So I went for the only thing that would probably make him cave in. I pouted.
"Eren," he groaned impatiently, "Don't pout. You know… What that does to me."
He blushed again, and damn, I wanted to flip this table that was presently separating us and push him down into those luscious red pillows.
"I know exactly what it does to you," I breathed. "What? You think I can keep my hands off of you for the entire evening? That's not gonna happen."
He leaned back in his seat and levelled a knowing glance at me. "You know, I knew this would happen. Which is why I've prepared for it."
That got my attention. How would he keep me at bay? He could wear a paper bag over his head all night and I'd still be all over him.
"I have no desire to get arrested for public indecency on my first date. Let's make a deal," he continued. "If you manage to behave while we're out, I'll reward you for it. Later."
I tried to act all unimpressed, and failed miserably. My whole body flushed with warmth as I replayed Levi's offer in my mind. A challenge. How I loved challenges. It would be nothing short of torture to keep from touching Levi like I was longing to touch him all evening, but the prospect of his reward was stirring my will to fight.
"What kind of reward?" I'd take the bait without an answer to that question, but a little teaser would get me even thirstier for it.
"The kind that doesn't let you get much sleep tonight," he whispered while his silver eyes bore into mine, the pink tip of his tongue dipping out to lick across his bottom lip for added effect. As if that was even necessary.
"Do you have an inkling of how bad I want to drag you to the bathroom right now? I'm dying to spread you out on a white marble toilet and suck you off until you make all those pretty sounds I love to hear."
Levi inhaled sharply and squeezed his eyes closed. Upon re-opening them, they were glassy, pupils blown wide with arousal.
"Dammit Eren," he sighed breathlessly, "You and your dirty talk… You're killing me. Where do you even get that from?"
We fell silent when the waitress returned with our drinks, but still smiled longingly at each other. Levi's compliment had catapulted my head straight up in the clouds, which was why I blamed him for forcing the poor waitress to repeat her question three times because I was unable to concentrate on anything else besides the fact that Levi liked my dirty talk enough to praise me for it.
"The bruschetta with salad for me please," Levi said.
"And for you, sir?"
I jerked to attention, but not because she'd called me 'sir', but because Levi had taken to flick his foot against mine.
"Oh uh, yes! Same please!"
She nodded and walked off towards the kitchen.
"Do you even know what a bruschetta is?" Levi smirked, his gaze looking right through me.
"What? Of course!" I had no clue.
I made a show of righting my tie, and it didn't escape my notice how Levi's eyes dropped to my hand playing with the knot.
"So, we were talking about my dirty talk. What you said… It means you like it, right?"
"Yes, I mean… I do," he said before he averted his gaze. He was embarrassed, and the view was adorable. "I really do."
Without even realizing it, my hand crept over the table top to wrap around his. He didn't pull away.
"I'm glad to hear that. With you, it kind of… Comes natural," I said truthfully. "So, I'm still wondering about that reward you mentioned…"
His fingers laced with mine, and I sighed softly as I relished the feeling of his skin on mine. Finally. Just this touch calmed me to a point that made it easier to accept that I couldn't touch him more than what was considered innocent for at least two hours. It wasn't a bad thing though, this way I could focus entirely on him; on the lovely expressions he made, on the way his lips opened and closed when he spoke, on how his eyes told on what he was thinking.
Levi glanced around the restaurant, as if to make sure nobody was in close proximity. Then, he slipped his fingers beneath his shirt and gave me this wicked smirk, the one he always wore when he was up to something. Seeing that tell-tale curl of his lips was enough to make me get hopelessly excited. I leaned over the table and watched him, enraptured, as he lifted his shirt and exposed a small strip of his pale stomach. My fingers itched to touch him, but I held back. He scanned our surroundings once again before he swiftly unbuttoned his jeans and pulled them down just a bit. My jaw dropped. Seriously, it dropped.
What was peeking out of his jeans was a lacy, pink waistband that undoubtedly belonged to an absolutely mouth-watering pair of panties. A pair he'd put on for me. Damn, he was incredible. To my chagrin, the view wasn't granted for long. A moment later, Levi redid the button on his jeans and righted his shirt, but not before he'd let the waistband snap back against the lovely skin of his hip.
I gulped. My throat had suddenly become strangely dry, which could probably be appointed to my mouth hanging open for the better part of two minutes. "Wow, Levi… I…. C-Can I see it again?"
"Nope," he said, and then gave me a secret smile that made my heart positively bounce inside my chest. "That's dessert. Your dessert."
We were still wrapped up in each other, smiling and blushing as we played around with our linked hands when our starters came. Levi made a move to pull away but I didn't let him. His eyes sparkled at me, his lips kissed by a happy smile. The waitress looked at us for a brief moment before she smiled and served our food.
"Enjoy your meal," she said and left us to it.
Once again, I nudged Levi's foot beneath the table. "Enjoy, baby."
He gave me a lovely smirk and nudged me back. "You too. And thanks."
"For what?"
"For making this possible."
I reached out and took his hand in mine, my thumb drawing lazy circles on his soft skin. My heart missed a beat when he squeezed my hand. It was just an innocuous touch, and yet it was more than enough to make sparks burst between us. It didn't matter what he did or how he touched me, it always felt like the very first time, and if I was sure about one thing, it was that he was the only one who could make me feel this way. Whatever happened, I couldn't lose him. Not ever.
We continued to eat, sharing secret smiles and little touches here and there. The food was delicious, and somehow, it tasted even better when Levi told me so. Only a few minutes after we'd finished our starters, the waitress returned and took our next orders, along with taking our empty plates away.
I watched Levi sipping on his vanilla coke, before he set the glass down and licked a stray drop from his lip.
"Let me kiss you. Please." The words tumbled from my mouth before I could shoot the bolt. The deal we had… Well, I was ruining it, wasn't I?
I had to fight the urge to pinch myself when Levi shuffled closer, so close that I could touch him—kiss him if I wanted to. If he let me.
"Kiss me," he whispered.
Even this tiny distance between us was too much to bear. I brushed his hair behind his ear and came closer. He looked at me before he took a deep breath and closed his eyes, waiting for me to kiss him. The pad of my thumb caressed his cheekbone as I leaned closer still, until our breaths met and mingled. And then, I kissed him. It was innocent for our standards, but not any less beautiful. As always, it didn't even take a second to lose myself in his kiss, in him, and I willingly gave up control as I took more, my tongue parting his lips for me. His hands were on the back of my neck, fingers tangling in my messy brown hair to tug my head just the way he wanted it. I moaned softly, and his lips curled in a gentle smile against mine.
"Levi? Levi, is that you?"