Sometimes, there were nights in summer that weren't warm, even despite the hot temperatures during the day. Tonight was one of those nights. I'd been tossing and turning ever since I'd slipped beneath my covers a few hours ago, caught between dozing and waking to watch the starry sky through my open window. I was restless. Not even the warm sheets against my skin were enough to lull me into sleep. I was losing hope that anything could, when I felt a warm body slide against mine. Momentarily, my heartbeat slowed down and a content sigh left my lips.

"Can't sleep?" Levi whispered groggily, his arms wrapping around my waist from behind, his lips brushing against my shoulder blades ever so softly.

"I dreamed that you… Left. We fought and you left and I didn't know if I'd lost you. God, it… It was terrible." I shuddered at the vivid memory and pressed closer into Levi's front. His hold on me tightened and he nuzzled my back, bringing me instant comfort.

"Shh, it's okay now," he whispered, silky hair dancing over my bare skin.

I wanted to see him, to look into those gorgeous gray eyes and reassure myself that he was really here. The feeling of loss the dream had conjured was still looming over me, heavy and threatening.

"Is it really?" I asked uncertainly, finally turning to gaze at him. His hair was adorably mussed, his eyes drawn with sleep. A yawn took his lips, and I wanted to kiss him, solely because he looked too cute not to be kissed.

"Yes," he murmured, warm breath kissing my mouth, "We still have tonight."

"Tonight?" I asked, alarmed. Why did this sound so... Final?

"Mhm," he continued, leaning into me. His lips were so close to mine, and their vicinity was starting to distract me. For some reason, I got the feeling that this was exactly what he wanted—distract me.

"What do you mean?" I persisted, even while his lips brushed mine in a feather-light kiss. An involuntary moan passed from me to him, and he smiled softly in response.

"Don't you remember?" Levi asked, hands sinking into my hair, legs wrapping around my body. He was naked, just like I was, and when I realized that, desire flared hot and heavy in my lower belly.

"We broke up, Eren. We agreed to end it here. Tonight's our goodbye."

He said the words as if he was asking me what I wanted to drink for breakfast, calm and sober. As if this didn't mean the end of my world.

I went into rigor as I tried to process what he'd said, and why in the world I'd ever agree to something like this. It couldn't be real; I'd never let him go that easily, not even if I was subject to torture. This couldn't be happening. Not now. Not after everything we'd been through.

My grip tightened around him, but suddenly, he felt so light—like air, warm enough for me to feel, but impossible to catch.

"Levi, please... Don't leave me."

I jolted awake with a scream and sat up in bed, my hand shooting up to clutch my shirt over my heart. I was covered in cold sweat all over. My hair stuck to my forehead and nape, my clothes sticky and wet, clinging to every inch of my skin. It was dark out, which meant it must be sometime in the middle of the night. I began to rub my palm over my heart in a circular motion; a weak attempt to calm myself. My mind was muddled with a wild mix of sensations; sleep, fear, the inability to catch my breath. Pieces of the dream stuck to my mind, replaying haunting images on a tormenting loop and bathing me in all-too-real emotions along with them. After a few moments had passed and my breathing had returned to relative normalcy, I sighed and rubbed my temples. There was a killer headache pounding just behind my forehead and I felt sick. Exhausted. Slowly, I reached out and picked up my phone from the nightstand. I dared to hope, even when I knew that was as stupid as it was pointless. A look on my home screen confirmed my thoughts.

No missed calls. No texts.

It was day three without any sign of life from Levi. When I'd left his place after our colossal failure of a date, I'd been so angry that I swore I'd not be the one to reach out to him. Not after this. It was a mystery to me how he could've blown up like he had. I'd only been trying to calm him down after the haunting experience he'd had with his mom, how could he not see that? I'd thought we were better than questioning whether we were on each other's side. But apparently, we weren't. At least not in Levi's eyes. What had I ever done to make him doubt my loyalty? He had to know I wouldn't hesitate to give my right arm to see him happy and content. Yet he'd thrown me in together with people like his mom, who had to consider if he was worthy of acceptance. When had I ever been anything but one hundred percent supportive of him? Fuck, I couldn't wrap my head around it. His behavior towards me had cut deep and without fail, and the anger that wove into the mix had made me see red. And then he'd gone ahead and shut the door in my face, while looking me straight in the eye. For the hundredth time while I'd been on my way home, I'd wondered how much I really meant to him if he could push me away like he had. I could've never left him standing there when he was so obviously hurt. Only that he'd had no problem with that. Maybe he didn't like me as much I'd originally thought. I'd gone well over the speed limit on my drive home, ear-splitting music blasting from my speakers. I'd gripped the steering wheel with all my might, and then 'Youth', the song we'd made out to when driving to the restaurant had come on, and I'd almost blown my stack. Nothing I did was enough to soothe the vicious roil of anger and disappointment burning through me like acid. When I'd pulled into my driveway, I'd shut off the engine and just sat there in the dark. How long, I didn't know. The sudden silence around me had made my accelerated heartbeat sound eerily loud in the quiet interior of the car. There was wetness on my face that wouldn't stop coming, so I gave up trying to push it back under wraps. Hopefully, the tears would stop once my body's liquid reserve was exhausted, which couldn't have been long now.

After what felt like forever, I'd finally put up enough strength to drag my ass out of my car and through the front door. It was even quieter inside the house, dark and deserted. The contrast was so much starker because I knew how different it was with Levi being around every day. It took an hour of me throwing clothes and other things like pillows around for the anger to subside. Another hour for the fear to set in. It crept up on me, silent and lethal, and made me shiver despite the warm summer temperatures around me.

What if I'd lost him? What if Levi left me over this? Was this all it took for us to break?

Maybe it had been my mistake after all. Maybe I was the one who was in the wrong. But I never meant to hurt him. I'd truly believed what I said would make him feel better; comfort him, help him be optimistic despite the bleak prospects. More than anything, I wished I'd just kept quiet and held his hand. Maybe then he'd have been here with me instead of a home he wasn't welcome in. Even while I knew it might have been an honest mistake, I couldn't help feeling guilty. As if I'd let him down when he needed me, and that feeling was one of the worst I'd ever felt.

I picked up my phone from where I'd chucked it earlier by the sink and contemplated messaging him. I was most likely the last person he wanted to hear from right now. Would I make it worse by reaching out to him when the fight was still so fresh? I took a deep breath and tried to make sense of what I was feeling. I wasn't as riled up as I'd been when I drove here, but I had to admit I was still raw. If I called him now, we'd probably just get into another fight. I'd locked my phone and gone upstairs to get ready for bed. I couldn't wait for this day to be over.

Now three days had passed. It was the longest I'd ever gone without seeing or hearing from Levi. Right after lunch a day after the fight, I'd caved in and sent him a text, only to get yawning void on his end. I did try to stay calm and keep from bombarding him with texts, even while I was an inch away from losing my mind, but failed when the day had moved into night. My messages doubled in frequency, and when that still didn't yield any results, I started calling him. With every call that ended up going to voice mail, I felt my heart drop a bit more. Was that it? I wasn't even worth a damn talk? I couldn't believe he'd leave me like this, after everything we'd been through, even while the silence on his end was speaking volumes. If this was really how he wanted to break up, I didn't know what I could do to prevent it from happening. It wasn't like he owed me anything, right? God, how I hated being kept in suspense, especially if it was Levi, because I was so madly in love with him and this silent treatment was literally killing me. All I could do was wait while he decided where we'd go from here, if he hadn't decided already, that was. Truth be told, I had no idea how long I would last. Come next morning, I'd probably turn up at his front door, hateful uncle be damned. After everything that had happened between us, everything we'd shared, I deserved at least a talk. I deserved being looked in the eye when I was left.

Who was I even kidding?

I'd fight for him until my dying breath, even if he didn't want me to. Giving him up without a struggle was out of the question. If I was sure about one thing, it was that Levi belonged with me, and I'd do anything in my power to make him see that.

"Zeke? Come here," I called, passing the living room. Within a second, the little ball of fur jumped through the open glass sliding door that led out to the garden, dripping wet after what had to be a lap in the pool. Too late, I realized he was now heading straight for me, and then I was jostled against the wall when he threw his whole body weight against my legs. At first, I tried to keep him at bay and my clothes dry, until I realized I stood no chance. After that, I simply gave up and let him drool and jump on me. Squatting down, I reached out for him and petted him behind his ears, where he liked it most. Only then did I notice that he was chewing on something.

"Hey boy, what do you got there, huh?" I tried pulling the piece from his mouth, but he took that as his cue to dash off and make me play tag with him. The way he sped towards the open door and came to a stuttering halt just in front of it, looking back with his tail wagging to make sure I was right behind him, drew a small smile from me. Even if it was more a slight curl of one of the corners of my mouth, it was the first genuine smile I'd smiled ever since that night.

I played with Zeke out in the garden until he got tired and threatened to succumb to a heat stroke. He flopped down by the pool, giving an excited woof of approval when I joined him in the soft grass.

"Now?" I said, petting his stomach while he laid on his back like a human. "Have I earned the permission to see your new plaything?"

He barked again, and then opened his mouth as a sign for me to take the dark piece out of his mouth. His amber brown eyes watched me intently as I untangled what seemed to be a piece of fabric.

A sharp pain hit me straight through my chest, making me gasp as it forced the air right out of me.

It was Levi's shirt.

One of the shirts he'd left here in case he needed a spare. My eyes began to prickle as I turned the shirt over in my hands, touching it, feeling it between my fingers, imagining Levi wearing it.

It was well chewed and moist with drool, but I didn't care. Levi had worn this before, it was a piece of him he'd left here with me. I bit my lip and forced down the surge of pain wanting to break through. I couldn't allow myself to go through another breakdown, I was still too raw from that night three days ago. Another crying fit would deal the finishing blow. So I held onto the shirt as if it was the most valuable gem in the world, folding and unfolding it just to be able to touch something that belonged to Levi. Maybe this was weird and creepy and stalker-ish, but I didn't pay those thoughts any mind. Instead I wondered if Levi would be mad when he found out that Zeke had used his original Ramones tee as a chew bone. The thought made me chuckle quietly to myself. I was pretty sure Levi would positively demur at even touching something that had been in Zeke's mouth for the better part of a day. He was way too cleanly for that, but considering the love Levi had developed for Zeke and vice versa, he'd maybe make an exception after the t-shirt had been through a severe wash. Zeke had gotten up on his little paws in the meantime and was now nosing against my leg before moving on to the shirt in my lap. His gaze was questioning. I had the suspicion that he knew I wasn't on speaking terms with Levi right now. He nuzzled the shirt and pressed his snout into the fabric, dropping heavily to his stomach and releasing a long sigh as he relished the shirt's scent. I petted his ears gently.

"Let me guess, you're missing him?"

Zeke crawled on my lap and let his head peek out on the other side if the shirt, which was now covering him like a blanket. Despite the hot summer day outside, the puppy didn't seem to mind the additional warmth.

I jolted when he gave a loud, persistent bark at me. I narrowed my eyes and entered a staring duel with him. I lost.

"What?"

He barked again, if possible, even louder this time. His tail was wagging excitedly, as if he was trying to tell me something.

"I know you don't agree with the current situation. You're missing Levi. I am too," I sighed as if he was able to understand any of the words I was saying. Maybe he was.

He nudged my hand and I noticed that I'd stopped petting him, which had to be resumed of course, so I did. He closed his eyes as he enjoyed the attention.

"I don't know what to do," I admitted to the dog. "I just... I want to see him. I miss him so much, it's like there's not enough air to breathe. Maybe some of my vital organs have taken a metaphorical hit during the fight?"

Zeke gave me a snort, as well as a long look that seemed to say 'oh please'. Was I exaggerating? Maybe. Desperate? Definitely.

I couldn't help how I felt. I was at my wit's end. Levi was ignoring my every attempt to get in touch with him. Any other person would probably just give up at this point. It was obvious that he had no desire to see or even talk to me. The thing with me was that I was most definitely not like other people. I was way more tenacious than that, and if there was one word missing in my repertoire, it was giving up. Especially when it came to Levi, who was still my boyfriend until he told me otherwise. Now that I knew sitting still was no longer an option for me, I had to come up with a plan of action. But what would that be?

While I pondered the question, I got up to my feet and walked back into the house to get some dinner into me. After washing the salad until it was squeaky clean (a habit I'd picked up from Levi), I got to cutting the tomatoes to go with it. Preparing the food posed a nice distraction—for all of five minutes. That was how long it took for my thoughts to drift back to Levi and the us I could be losing right now, in this moment, while I was cutting damn tomatoes. Sighing, I rubbed at my eyes. Was he thinking of me like I was thinking of him? Or had he already given up on what we had?

Even if everything in me refused to go there, a variety of unsettling questions began to bloom in my head. Questions I probably had to find answers to before long. How would I deal with a break up? I had no idea. I was not ready to consider what an actual separation would mean for me. Was fate really so cruel to end things between us before they even had the chance to start for real? Losing Levi… Hundreds of painful images descended upon me, creating unbearable noise in the quietness of my mind. This brief moment of inattentiveness was all it took. I saw the knife slicing through the tomato and my finger beneath it before I felt it, and when I finally did, pain exploded over my fingers and up my arm. Great, that was just what I needed.

Along with the blood that seeped from the cut in steady drops, the rest of my energy left me. I'd never felt so defeated before. It didn't matter what I did to distract myself, nothing helped. All I could think about was Levi and how much I needed him. As I stood there in the kitchen, my finger under the cold stream of water from the tap, I realized that I couldn't go on like this. Considering my mental state, it was safe to say I couldn't take another day of this painful in-between. Of the uncertainty. The fear. This crushing feeling of loss.

When I found a band-aid to put on my cut, I made a decision. Levi wasn't taking any of my calls or reacting to any of my texts, which only left one possibility: to seek him out. I knew his work schedule by heart, so I knew he was working the late shift at the ice cream truck today. A sudden wave of doubts bubbled through me—what if me coming by would make everything worse? What if he needed time and I was pushing him if I just came by to talk? Maybe the right thing to do was give him time until he was the one to contact me, and if he didn't, well... That would be my answer, right?

The thing was that I wasn't that kind of person, the one who could sit back and wait. I needed to know what I was in for, what to expect, how to go on. Being in the dark was the worst, especially when it came to someone you loved. So the only remedy I had left was to find him, talk to him. To make this right, if he still wanted to be with me.

I ended up not even eating half of the salad I'd prepared, my nerves making my stomach clench in a way that was almost painful. After giving up on my meal, I went upstairs for a quick shower and a change of clothes. Zeke was following my every move, but even he stayed quiet, as if he was picking up on the heaviness saturating the air. The way he pushed against my legs every now and then was a sign of him sensing my agitation and trying to comfort me against all odds. For a moment, I contemplated bringing him with me to see Levi, but then I decided against it. I didn't know how long my conversation with him would take, but if it lasted longer than a few minutes, Zeke would probably get restless, and I wouldn't be able to deal with any disruptions. This conversation would decide everything between us, and I needed to be there one hundred percent. Levi would get my undivided attention. One last look in the mirror proved how crushed I looked. Aside from my hair being the usual mess, there were dark circles under my eyes and my usually tan skin looked oddly sallow. Even I couldn't deny how much my mental state had affected me physically. It was high time I got this sorted out. Now so much more than before, did my decision to drop by the ice cream truck seem like the right thing to do. But even the certainty of knowing that didn't help any in regards to calming my insane nervousness or my heart, which was a second away from beating right out of my chest. This could mean the end of the most beautiful relationship I'd ever have the chance of calling my own. I was nowhere near ready to talk about a break up, much less deal with the aftershocks of it. Only that this wasn't my call to make, not mine alone, at least. If Levi didn't want me anymore, I'd have to accept it. I had to walk away.

Biting my lip, I slipped on my shoes and stepped out of the house, locking the door behind me. Zeke was barking after me. I heard his paws slamming against the door, but I knew I couldn't bring him, even if I'd have loved the additional support. For the moment, I was just relieved to know someone would be waiting for me when I returned, be it bearing good or bad news.

The walk to the ice cream truck was so familiar, yet so alien at the same time. Whenever I'd walked that path, I'd been happy and excited, eager to see Levi and snag another minute with him. How quickly things could change; it was cruel. This could very well be the last time I'd ever talk to him.

I took longer than necessary, slowing my step until I was almost creeping along the sidewalk. I knew I couldn't delay this forever, but I was trying to make myself believe that just a few more minutes would help me calm down. All too quickly, I realized not all the time in the world would manage to achieve that.

When I rounded the final corner and the familiar navy-and-white striped truck came into a view, I had to stop in my tracks and take a few seconds just to steady my breathing. The life I'd come to love over the past few weeks could end for good when I stepped away from that truck after we'd talked this out. Finally, it dawned on me that nothing would prepare me for what it meant to lose Levi. All I could do was prove to him that I loved him and that he was everything to me. If that wasn't enough, I had to find a way to deal with what would be left of me after him, even if I had no idea how I'd do that.

I took another deep breath and brushed over my hipbone, feeling the soft touch through my shirt and against my tattoo. When I opened my eyes again, I knew I couldn't accept giving up. Not him.

I waited another few moments until the people who were still standing in line in front of the truck had dissolved before I closed the distance with a heartbeat that was loud enough to be heard all the way to Levi.

When I stepped in front of the truck window, at the very spot I'd met him for the first time, and spotted him with his back turned to me, standing on his tiptoes, all I wanted was to squeeze through the small opening and just take him into my arms. To feel him close to me after the tormenting hours we'd spent apart and kiss every soft inch of skin I could reach. It took an inhuman amount of restraint to fight the urge to just touch him, even just for one second.

I stepped closer and rested my hand against the window pane, waiting until he turned around. He hadn't noticed me yet, which gave me time to look at him—just look, that was all I wanted in that moment—and the way he moved, from the gentle sway of his hips to the brush of his fingertips against the box he was trying to reach at the very top of the shelf. He was so perfect, it hurt to see him here, so close, without being able to touch him. He was so far from me, even if he was standing just a few feet away.

I must have made some kind of noise, maybe a strangled whine or a miserably suppressed mewl, because suddenly, Levi realized he wasn't alone. He spun around, and when he laid eyes on me, those two gorgeous pool of gray widened beneath thin eyebrows.

"Eren," he breathed. His cheeks dusted the faintest shade of pink, barely recognizable as a blush to those who didn't know him well enough. God, seeing him, his beautiful face and those sweet, tinted cheeks almost drove me to my knees. Literally. My knees grew weak and my eyes started to sting in a way that had become so familiar over the past few days. I felt like collapsing right there in front of him, only to have him catch me when I fell.

"Levi."