Chapter 76
Nic drove into the city to do some shopping. She met up with Ruby and Annie who had already moved into the studio and they went to the market so Nic could pick up some cheap material.
"How is Ella?" Ruby asked once they got it.
"She's devastated." Nic said to them.
Annie came over and hugged her.
"We need to go to Harry's." Nic told them. "I need to speak to him about something."
Ruby grinned.
"We go there a lot. He feeds us for free." She said. "Ella told him to take care of us."
Nic laughed.
"She's great isn't she. I can't stand seeing her so sad." She said to them as they walked along the street. "So come on tell me everything." She said.
"Well I'm ready to start a course called environmental studies." Ruby said.
"I'm going to be doing boring business administration." Annie said quickly.
"Couldn't work out what you wanted to do huh?" Nic asked.
Annie grinned.
"Nope. I went through the past two weeks deciding on one option then changing my mind. The hotel has said that they will pay for part of my course."
"You two sound so happy, compared to how you used to be." Nic told them.
Annie laughed.
"I know. I think I've really grown up."
"And she's dating, you'll never guess who?" Ruby chuckled.
"Migual?" Nic said.
Annie blushed and nodded.
"I notice that Ruby hasn't told you she's dating Yannis' brother." Annie told her.
"I leave you alone for three weeks and you turn into loose woman." Nic said laughing.
Annie chuckled as they walked into Harry's.
"Hello Nicole." Harry called. "Take a seat and I will be with you soon."
Nic grinned.
They walked to the back of the café and took a seat in a booth. Nic put her bags beside her. Within moments Harry came over to them with cups of coffee. He placed them on the table and they noticed that he had one for himself.
"You dad phoned me and let me know about the baby." Harry told them sitting down with them.
Nic tried to smile but felt her face freeze up.
"What is it Nic?" Annie asked quickly.
Nic started to cry slowly.
"Sorry." She gasped trying to pull herself together.
She turned to Harry.
"Did you know how evil her mother was?" she muttered angrily.
Ruby and Annie gasped.
Harry nodded slowly.
"I know what Elizabeth told me." Harry said. "Her Dad told me the rest."
"He should have taken care of her." Nic muttered, folding her arms across her chest.
"Yes, he should have. " Harry agreed.
She looked across and Annie and Ruby.
"She's been told not to get pregnant again." Nic said. "She's broken hearted."
Harry lowered his head.
Annie started crying.
"It's ok Annster." Ruby said softly, putting her arm around her.
"I am sorry." Harry said. "For all of you."
Nic nodded and then told them what she had planned.
She drove back to the bay just after that and went straight to the house and into her new sewing room. Within an hour she had the pattern cut and began sowing a new wedding dress.
"Hey," Roman said softly.
"Hey back." Ella told him.
She had a storage box in front of her and she folded the white shall and placed it in the bottom. Then she wrapped the cardigan they bought in tissue paper and put that away. She added an envelope that contained the scans of the baby and put the lid on it before putting it in the back of the wardrobe.
"So just like that." He said.
She shook her head.
"I just couldn't look at them anymore." She admitted.
He smiled at her and went to sit next to her on the bed.
She tried to smile at him but couldn't.
"Hurting?" he said.
She nodded.
"I want to scream." She said to him. "I want to claw my skin off to let the pain out."
"Must be a bloke thing." He said.
"What?" She asked.
"I want to make love to you and hold you until we fall asleep." He said to her stroking her hair.
She shook her head.
"I can't. I don't want to."
He grinned.
"I know." He kissed her gently. "I understand."
"I wish you did. " she muttered. "I feel pretty useless as a woman right now."
He nodded grinning.
"I feel pretty useless as a man." He said.
"Why?" she asked quickly
He grinned and kissed her again.
"Because I couldn't take care of my wife. She lost my baby. And I knew something has been hurting her but I ignored it so that it didn't affect our marriage."
"How were you to know?" she asked him. "I kept it secret for a lot of years. Even I didn't acknowledge it within myself."
"I kind of think that if you hadn't have been hurt you would have come and found me. But you had your mothers words inside your head and it kept you away from me when you lost our other baby."
She looked at him and a single tear fell down her face.
"Didn't it?" he said.
She nodded.
"I felt so worthless. Then when I had to take care of Mike I used that as a reason to keep going for a while." She half grinned. "Pretty screwed up wasn't I?" she paused. "Aren't I?"
"I love you Ella." He said to her. "I'm broken hearted because you are so hurt."
She took hold of his hand.
He grinned sadly at her.
She kissed him.
He tried to keep in mind all they had talked about over the past couple of days. All the pain they had gone through. Losing the baby so traumatically. But he found himself kissing her back.
She pulled back slightly before she felt the flicker of passion within her. She groaned and pushed forward. He fell back on the bed and she became dominant, ripping his shirt in an effort to get it off him. Tugging it out of the waistband of his trousers and feeling his chest, his taught abs. Stroking him all over.
She stopped suddenly.
"Ella." He said softly.
"I can't." she said and climbed off him pulling away.
He grinned.
"Well when you can will you remember this and put it on your to do list."
She turned and glared at him.
"It's not funny." She muttered.
"I think it's hilarious." He told her. "I was paranoid that I couldn't turn you on. Then I was paranoid that my equipment wouldn't work. But it's none of those is it? You're scared,"
She looked at him and blanched.
"You want to get pregnant but you don't." he guessed.
She groaned and moved off the bed.
He stood quickly and pulled her into his arms.
"You want to make love to me don't you Ella?" he asked.
She nodded.
"But you are scared?"
"Yes." She said finally in a small voice.
"Why are you scared Ella?" he asked softly.
"Because." She said.
He chuckled.
She hit him in the ribs.
"Because?" He prompted.
"Because I'm scared ok. I'm scared that it won't be any good. I'm scared I'll feel worthless. I'm scared that I'll disappoint you. I'm scared to get pregnant." She took a breath. "And I am really scared that I won't get pregnant because I want to. I want a baby and I don't care if I trick you."
He pushed the hair away form her face and put his hands either side of her face tipping her head up so she had no choice except to look at him.
"I want to get you pregnant too because I don't want to see you go through this, But I know if I do then I might lose you so I'm prepared. I will take care of us. I love you and you love me and it has always been good for us. You blow my mind. I know there is a voice inside you now telling you that you aren't a woman, that you aren't any good but look at you Ella. Look at the way you looked after all of us while you were dealing with this. You held Nic together and me. You kept Mike positive." He paused and took a deep breath. "You were even more concerned about Martha than yourself."
She sighed.
"You're prepared?" she asked.
"That bit you pick up on." He said.
She grinned.
"The important bit yes." She said and heard him chuckle.
"Yes I am prepared." He grinned and gestured to the drawer by his side of the bed.
She went over and looked into it.
"My god man." She muttered looking at all the packets and boxes. "Just how much sex are you planning? These have best before dates on you know."
He blushed.
"I couldn't remember which ones you preferred." He admitted.
She picked up a box.
"Ribbed for her pleasure." She read. "I'm leaning toward these."
He stripped off his shirt and looked at it.
"Maybe Nic can mend it?" she said.
He grinned.
"I don't think so." He said. "But it might be fun to tell her the reason why its ripped."
"No!" Ella exclaimed blushing madly.
He walked over to her and began kissing her.
"If you don't want to we can wait for a while." He said. "As long as I get to hold you."
She smiled at him.
"No I want to." She grinned. "You just have to put up with me using your body if you don't want to."
He smiled and kissed her peeling off her clothes and touching her all over. He felt her hands on him and he smiled down at her.
"Ribbed?" he asked.
She nodded.
"To start with anyway."