A warm breeze came through the open window, gently ruffling my hair upon crossing the windowsill. Since summer was slowly nudging towards its end, the air was holding a slight chill these days. Not that I was bothered by that; especially not in the current condition I was in. The touch of cool whispering over my throbbing face felt positively elysian. I tilted my face to allow the draft better access to my neck and released a soft moan at the relief it brought along. Granted, it wasn't enough to help the swelling in my face, but it was still nice. I was beginning to be grateful for small favors.

Farlan Church had really done a number on me. Part of me wanted to be furious at him—somebody I didn't even know well enough to possibly earn getting hit by him—but a larger part of me knew I'd deserved it. Were our positions reversed, I'd reacted the exact same way, and damn, it would've felt nothing short of glorious to clock someone in the face who'd hurt Levi. Only that this person was… me. And now I had a black eye and a swollen face to show for it. I touched the bruise on my cheek and promptly cringed when the mere brush of fingertips elicited a new wave of pain across my skin. I should wallow in the pain and curse Farlan for the rest of eternity, and yet I couldn't help but feel an odd sort of happy. Why?

Because I'd seen him. He had been there, so incredibly close to me that a simple stretch of my arm would've been enough for me to feel his gorgeous skin beneath my fingertips. My face grew warm at the mere thought of it, and this time, it wasn't due to the pain. Gosh, Levi had been so beautiful, it had hurt to look at his lips without being able to kiss him. As soon as I'd laid eyes on them, the most vivid memory of their taste flooded my senses and it had taken Herculean effort to hold back from pulling him against me and taking his mouth by force. That was how far I'd been gone just from the sight of him; from his presence, his scent, his voice.

To be honest, the fight had happened mostly in my periphery. Levi had been the one taking up every inch of space in my vision, even more so when Farlan had accused me of using him for some kind of twisted enjoyment. Fuck, the notion still left me fuming with rage. For the tenth time that day, I felt the nagging urge to put my fist through something solid. It was not as if I didn't understand where he was coming from; it was just that he couldn't possibly be further from the truth. I'd always known that I was in love with Levi, even after spending a week broken up and apart. Those seven days had done absolutely nothing to dull what I felt for him.

Seeing him yesterday, looking into his eyes, watching his body move with the unmistakable grace I could never take my eyes off of, had reinforced all the feelings I had for him thousand fold. Where I planned to hold back for his sake, abstaining from contacting him to give him the space he'd asked for, I was unable to grant him that any longer now. Not after meeting him again, after feeling his body on mine, even if it had only been for a moment during the fight. It was imperative that I got one more chance to talk to him, to make it clear how much he meant to me and that, if he let me, I'd prove that I'd never hurt him again.

Coming out as gay seemed so minor and inconsequential compared to what I'd gone through this past week. Nothing—and I was sure of that—could be worse than spending my life apart from the person I loved. I'd lost him due to my own stupidity and I had no right to ask him to forgive me, much less grant me another shot at a relationship with him, but I had to try. That last look we'd shared, that brief meeting of our eyes when he'd turned around while leaving… It had meant something. I knew it had. I could read in his eyes that he wasn't entirely sure whether he really wanted me to vanish from his life and that tiny little fact gave me hope that maybe he wanted me in it after all.

All of this might as well be wishful thinking and I knew it. Still, some of the tenacity I was famous for had rushed back into me when I'd seen him hesitate and now it was impossible to smother. I would not give up this time, not until everything was said and he knew exactly how I felt for him.

Slowly, I got to my feet and rubbed some feeling back into my stiff limbs before I closed the window and made my way down into the living room. My phone was charging on the sofa, right next to Zeke, who was sleeping soundly. Already reaching for the device, I stopped mid-air and paused.

Should I call him?

Could I?

Instead of taking the phone, I pulled my hand back to touch my aching chin in contemplation. Frankly, I was scared. Scared to make the situation worse between us, scared that calling him was just the last straw that would make him hate me for good. It was a fine line and I suspected making the wrong move now would do me harm in the long term. On the other hand, maybe… Maybe he was waiting for me to reach out to him. The chance was astonishingly low, but it was still a possibility. At least I wanted to make myself believe it was. Suppressing a shiver of anticipation, I took a seat next to Zeke, who woke and gave a gentle woof before placing his head in my lap. My fingers brushed through the soft fur on his head as I pondered which direction to go.

Continue waiting or make a move?

Eventually, I grabbed my phone and dialed before I had the chance to change my mind. It rang once, twice, thrice. Six times altogether before it went to voicemail. Biting my lip, I stared at his name on the screen and tapped on it once more. I'd try again, and again, if I had to.

A few minutes later, I ended my fifth call and sighed in defeat while pocketing my phone. I was trying to cling to the hope that at least it had gone to voicemail without any premature interruptions, which meant he at least hadn't hung up on me, right?

Or maybe he was just ignoring me on purpose. Leaning back, I fixed my gaze to the ceiling. Currently, I was only able to see with one eye, the other was swollen shut. I looked hideous, my body covered in vivid shades of red, green and purple. I could only hope I'd heal before my parents arrived back home next week. They would kill me if they saw me like this and even worse, I'd have to explain how I'd gotten into this sorry state.

I sighed. The house was quiet, unbearably so. I should probably rest and do my best to speed up the healing process, but I was buzzing with too much inexplicable energy to sit still. I was in the middle of contemplating whether I should try to call Levi again when the phone rang loudly in the quiet space of my house. I gulped. For a brief moment, I wanted to ignore it without even checking the caller ID. It could be Levi, maybe, and suddenly, my throat was tight and my mouth dry. I had never thought about what I wanted to say, I'd just hoped the right words would come to me when I was with him. The prospect of hearing Levi's voice, of talking to him, made me slip my phone from my pocket and press answer before I could miss the call, a breathless hello? on my lips.

"Hey, it's me." Mikasa.

My chest deflated, body sagging in disappointment. Of course he'd never call me back. Why would he?

"Hi."

"How are you feeling? I was thinking I could come over, maybe watch a movie?"

I was more grateful for my friends than I could ever tell, but today, I needed to be alone. Constantly being surrounded by either Armin or Mikasa or both had proven to be a wonderful distraction, but at this point I felt like I needed to face the music and I needed to do it on my own. Despite the fact that being by myself with only my weary thoughts to keep me company was a dismal prospect, I was done with curling up in a ball and hiding from my fears.

"Not today," I said weakly, "I thought I'd rather spend some time alone. Is that okay?"

There was shuffling on her end and then she said, "Of course. Take care, okay? And call me if you need anything."

"I will. Thanks."

She hung up and I groaned into the empty air. Every move I made hurt to the point where I wanted to lie down and never get up again, but I couldn't fathom taking a nap or be still. I needed to do something. Zeke gazed at me with wide eyes and then barked. I watched him as he jumped from the sofa and threw his paws on my legs, panting excitedly. It was almost time for his walk. Considering I was yearning to get out, even despite my appearance and the looks it would undoubtedly garner, I decided to prepone Zeke's afternoon stroll. First though, I'd better shower and change into something fresh. If I had to draw attention, I'd much prefer if my smell wouldn't add to it.

Thirty minutes later, I was out in the fresh summer air, a frantic Zeke leading the way by pulling on the leash with me in tow. Despite my earlier worries, it felt surprisingly nice to trade the quietness of the indoors for one of the last summer days I had left before fall. As for my destination, I didn't have one. Zeke was in charge today and I'd let him make his walk as long or as short as he liked. We walked around the usual blocks before he began to tug into a new direction. Talking quietly to him along the way, I followed without question. After a few turns, we reached a park filled with spotless greenery and late blooms. The gravel crunched beneath my feet, a few nearby birds singing in tune with each step. It was peaceful. There was only Zeke and me around and for once, I enjoyed the solitude. We crossed a wooden bridge leading over a small pond and took a right turn that led to a playground surrounded by tall trees. I spotted a set of red swings in the far corner, and when I did, I realized I was not alone. There was someone occupying one of the swings, gently swaying back and forth. I squinted to see if I recognized the person, and then my heart stopped. It just stopped, altogether. All the air inside my body left me on a drawn-out whoosh as I drank in the familiar form in the distance. My eye, singular, might have betrayed me right then, because it was almost impossible to believe it was really Levi sitting across from me, his face tilted up towards the sun, its golden light catching in his raven hair. From where I was standing, I wasn't able to make out if it was really him or not, but I found that I already knew the answer. I'd had no idea that I'd find him here, but then again, I couldn't say I was surprised that some unseen force would lead me to wherever he was. It seemed almost natural at this point.

Unable to stand the distance any longer, I began to move with bated breath, incapable of taking my eyes off him. I'd never admit it, but I was afraid he'd be gone if I did. When I was mere inches from him, I stopped and allowed myself a moment or two to gaze at him. His eyes were closed as he relished the warmth on his face. Apparently, he hadn't noticed that someone had joined him, or maybe he just didn't care. My heart throbbed at the sight of him like this, carefree where he'd been distraught yesterday, calm where he'd been upset.

It was unreal.

It was breathtaking.

And it made me remember every time I'd been blessed to see this beautifully blithe expression in vivid detail. Every time I'd been the reason for it. For a second, I couldn't breathe. All I wanted was to see him happy again; to be there for every smile and every twinkle in those graphite eyes.

I sat down in the swing next to him while Zeke jumped excitedly up into Levi's lap to shower his face with a round of wet kisses. Levi's hand came down to scratch Zeke's ears and the puppy closed his eyes as he relished the attention from his favorite person.

"How did you find me?"

I turned slightly, my hand wrapping around the chain fastening of my swing.

"I didn't. Not consciously. I followed Zeke and we eventually ended up here." I sighed when I realized how that sounded. "You probably don't believe that, though."

"Strangely enough, I do."

I moved the swing gently back and forth, allowing myself a moment to bask in his vicinity. I knew I probably wouldn't get another chance like this one, but telling him what I was yearning to say might result in the definitive end of what we'd shared over the summer and the prospect of that made me hesitate. Presently, we were caught up in a strange moment of truce and I wanted to stay like this for a moment longer, even if it only meant delaying the inevitable. I dared sneaking another peek at him, from the corner of my eye, only to gasp quietly when I noted the angry red bruise stretching across his cheekbone. Before I knew it, my hand had already come up to trace the injury with my fingertips. Levi flinched, but didn't pull away. Realizing I was crossing a line, I dropped my hand and gave him an apologetic look.

"How bad is it?"

He shrugged. "Not too bad." Then he threw me a sideways glance, a small twitch around the corner of his mouth. "I'm guessing not as bad as yours."

The pain in my eye pounded again when he pointed it out. Despite that, a crooked smile found its way on my split lip. "I deserve it."

"Yeah," he said without ceremony, "You do."

I looked at him and chuckled. Judging by the expression on his face, he was trying to fight joining in, but gave up in the end and smirked along with me.

"I'm sorry I forced you to get involved. I was... not thinking clearly. Obviously."

"You didn't force me, Eren. It was my decision to help. Well, try to, at least. In the end, I couldn't do much besides getting injured myself, but it's the thought that counts, right?"

He'd said it as if it was a joke to laugh at, but to me, it was anything but. He'd risked getting hurt only to break up two idiots butting head over him.

"Thank you," I spoke up. "Really. You shouldn't have done that, but you did. And now there's another injury of yours I'm accountable for."

He stayed silent for a long moment, his gaze holding mine. I fought the urge to shiver.

"The fight's not your fault," he said at last. "Well, not entirely. I admit I'd have never expected it to get out of control this fast, but in hindsight... I guess I understand why. A bit. I'm not saying you weren't idiots for resorting to your fists, though."

I bit my lip before I could let it slip that Farlan had been the one to provoke me. It wouldn't do any good and I hadn't exactly hesitated before fighting back either. I felt bad about hurting Levi's friend, and yet still, I couldn't help hoping Farlan wasn't looking much better than I was. Levi's eyes were reprimanding me, for the fight and maybe everything else too, but all I could do was revel at feeling of his eyes on me after missing them for so long.

"God, I miss you," I blurted. And then I flushed bright red as I realized I'd just said that out loud and there was no way to take it back. A deep frown appeared between his thin eyebrows. He didn't believe me. It was plain to see. My heart gave a pained squeeze. This was how we were now, wasn't it? He'd question everything I said and I'd given him plenty of reason to.

Levi took a deep breath and then he turned in his swing, facing me. His eyes were so intense that they captured and held me within a single moment.

"Oh, yeah?" He said. It took me a second to recognize the underlying tone in his voice as bitterness. "If you miss me that much, why did you never reach out to me, huh? Why did you never call?"

He had every right to ask. After all, I hadn't tried to contact him and it had been the hardest thing I'd ever done. In the end, I'd done it for his sake. Days on end I'd done nothing but stare at the phone, his contact details open and his number just a tap away. I'd been torn between calling him and holding back, because I felt that it was my obligation to honor what he'd asked of me. He'd wanted us to be over and considering how badly I'd hurt him, there was little other I could do but accept his request.

"You asked me to stay away," I said quietly, tilting my face slightly to return his intent gaze. "You broke up with me, you didn't want to see me anymore, not even when I asked you to… to…" I trailed off when I realized that my words sounded like an accusation. Blaming him for the way he'd reacted that night was never my intention, I knew all of this was my fault. He'd done the right thing, he'd backed out and protected himself. It was only natural, and god, I was so proud of him for pushing me away when he had no other choice, because I knew I'd have never been able to do the same were our positions reversed. I could only imagine how much it must have hurt him after the summer we'd spent together. When it came to maturity, Levi had years on me.

I tried to swallow past the lump in my throat. All I'd wanted was one more chance to talk to him, but now that my wish was granted, I was struggling with how to put everything I felt into words. I was treading on dangerous territory and one step in the wrong direction could cause me to crash and burn for good.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to imply… I mean, I understand. God, of course I do, it's just that… Levi, this phone call, this entire night… it hurt me so much that I don't know how I can possibly move on from it. When I lost you, I… I lost myself."

Levi stayed quiet, even when I could read in his eyes that there was so much he wanted to say. Maybe he felt that this wasn't everything I needed to tell him, even when I didn't know it myself. The familiar sting of tears pricked my eyes, but I did nothing to hold them back. If this was my chance to show him how I felt, I'd be honest. I'd show him all of me, inside and out.

"I'm so selfish, aren't I?" I whispered. "I have no right to grieve you, not when I'm the reason you're gone. I did this to myself. And I hurt you, I hurt you so much that I know I don't deserve another moment with you. I'm not worthy of you sitting here and listening to a word I'm saying, but… I just need you to know how sorry I am. I'm sorry, Levi. I'm so sorry for hurting you this way, that I betrayed you when you needed me. That I walked away when I promised I'd never leave."

There were dozens of words lodged in my throat, but I wasn't able to utter a single one of them. All the pain I felt, all the remorse, the memories, the love I held for him… it crushed me. Right then, a tidal wave of emotions hit me with all its might, pulling me under the surface without any chance of escape. It was neither my place nor my right to break down in front of him, not when he was hurting so much more than I ever could, but I was incapable of keeping the turmoil at bay. I turned away from him as I hid my face in my hands and cried, trying to be as quiet as I could and failing miserably. I didn't care about the throb pulsing across my swollen eye, didn't care about the pain the tremors chased through my bruised body. What I wanted to do was handle this conversation like an adult, to show Levi that I was worthy of being regarded as one, but I should have known that I'd never be able to when he was with me.

"Eren," Levi whispered, his voice nothing more than a soft whisper. "Eren, look at me."

At first, I didn't want to. I felt ashamed for breaking down like this, for acting like a victim when we both knew I was anything but. And then I closed my eyes, counting silently to three and trying to force the sobs down to a minimum, because there was nothing I wouldn't do for him. If he wanted me to look at him, I would, no matter what it took me.

My sight was blurry when I turned my head to gaze at him, my eyes wet.

Levi's brows knitted together and when an expression of sadness stole onto his features, I thought I'd cry again. He wiped his own tears away and then sunk to his knees in front of me, taking my hands in his. Just the mere touch made me feel whole.

"I can tell how much you're fighting with this," he said, his beautiful gray eyes welling up anew. "And it's good that you are. Now I know that you care."

"Oh Levi," I cried. Within a moment, I was there on the ground with him, hugging him tight to me and basking in all the dips and curves of his body that molded to mine as if he was my perfect match; a puzzle piece that fit all the edges I lacked. "Of course I care. I care so much, I… I'll always care. I'm so sorry. Please believe me when I say I never meant to hurt you, I was… out of it. I didn't think. It's the biggest mistake I've ever made and there's no good reason for you to trust me on this. All I can say is how much I love you and how much I want to be with you. Levi, I love you. You're all I want."

I pulled back to carefully cup his cheeks and then I said it again, and again. Warm tears were running over my hands and I thumbed at them with utmost care. Levi shook his head, his features caught in a combination of incredulity, pain and hesitance. He looked as torn as I felt.

"Levi, you're the best thing that's ever happened to me," I continued, gazing into his endless eyes, which were so much more like a wild storm today than ever before, "I'll never hurt you again, and if you let me… if you still want me, I'm going to prove it to you. However long it takes, I'm going to prove that I'm worthy of being with you."

"Oh Eren, I—" A soft whimper escaped him and I wished I could lean in and use my lips to soothe the pained sound away. "I can't. What you did… it broke me, Eren. I can't—"

"I know," I whispered. I leaned in and touched my forehead to his, trying my best to ignore the way his warm breath kissed my lips. He stayed still for a brief moment, but then he began to tentatively lean into my touch and I thought I'd never be able to let him go. "I know there's no way you can, but I can't help asking for the impossible."

A single tear slid down his cheek. His gaze held mine and with everything I had, I laid the love for him in my eyes, hoping he'd see how serious I was. He stayed silent and suddenly, even the few inches of distance between us were too much to bear. I brushed his hand with the pads of my fingers, giving it a gentle tug when he gave me a questioning look in response.

"Come on," I whispered and stood from my swing, tugging him along with me. I headed for a nearby loveseat that was probably dirty beyond hope, but right then, I hoped he wouldn't mind when it meant sitting with me. An arched eyebrow on his part told me he had not missed the obvious dust on the wooden surface, but then he shrugged almost unnoticeably and dropped down next to me. I'd sat down first to let him decide how much distance he wanted between us, but when he sat so close to me that our thighs were touching, I couldn't suppress a relieved sigh. Just this little touch gave me enough comfort to last me a day. Tentatively, I took his hand, lacing our fingers together and brushing slowly over his skin. He shuddered and I was afraid I'd gone too far, but then he settled against me with a content hum.

I wanted to touch him more; to hug him to me and bury my face against the tender skin of his neck to inhale the scent I knew by heart. I wanted it more than I wanted to take my next breath, even when I'd neither the right nor the permission to. But then, before I could do anything to chase him away… Levi sighed and laid his head on my shoulder, causing my heart to kick into a tempo I felt thumping through every single one of my veins. Oh, god… please grant me the strength to hold back. One wrong move, one forbidden touch, and the fragile thread between us would break off.

"Levi…"

"Just one moment," he interrupted. "Please, just this one moment."

My chest constricted and then my fingers mapped out the elegant curve of his spine, whispering over the shaved hair at his neck and sinking into the long strands on top. He stirred and pressed closer to me, giving me silent permission to continue. Running my fingers through his silky hair, I closed my eyes and relished the moment he'd asked for. He could have asked me for one million moments and I'd have granted them gladly.

After a little while, he took a deep breath and pulled back, graphite eyes searching mine.

"I'm sorry, too." He put a finger to my lips when I opened my mouth to cut him off. "I ran. You hurt me and I ran because I couldn't deal with the consequences that meant for me. Maybe I could've saved us a lot of pain if I'd agreed to have this conversation sooner, but I… I…" he broke off on a small whimper and I made a soft hm? sound to let him know he could continue, no matter what came next. "I realized that I'd fallen harder for you than I wanted to make myself believe. After that day at the truck, I wasn't ready to see you, to be close to you, I just… I couldn't. Just the thought made me feel like breaking."

He smiled wistfully. I saw all the pain carved into his features and wished I'd not been the reason for it. Wished I'd made the right choice, done the only thing that would've been acceptable.

"Please… Don't apologize," I breathed, voice tight with unshed tears, "There's nothing to forgive."

"But there is," he persisted, his eyes boring into mine. "And I wanted you to know that I'm sorry for shutting you out."

Him apologizing to me, something I didn't earn in the least, made me feel all the worse. I'd done nothing to deserve him, and yet I wanted him anyways.

"Levi, I… I just… I want to be with you. Can we try again? I don't… I don't know how to move on from this summer."

"I have too many reasons to let this end."

My gaze dropped. He was right. Of course he was right, and yet this stupid sliver of hope wouldn't die down until he told me we were over for good.

"But what about a reason to try again? To stay?"

There must be something left; some tiny doubt, a little piece of him that was willing to consider taking me back.

"I don't know…" he whispered. "Maybe."

It was this guarded tone he'd used when we first met, before we'd gotten as close as we did. Before he'd cast it off and opened up to me. Before he'd started to trust me.

It threw me off kilter, leaving me feeling adrift. My confidence began to waver, but I refused to let that deter me. This was my chance and I'd try until the end. I'd not blow this by allowing fear to creep up on me.

"Please…" I whispered breathlessly. "This was a bump in the road. Okay, it was a massive pothole, but we can still make it out alive. Try for me, Levi. Try with me. Tell me you're not done."

Levi's gaze held mine, countless emotions flowing between us as we looked at each other as if it was the last time we'd get the chance to. And maybe it was.

Slowly, he began to shake his head, a stray teardrop sneaking down his cheek. It looked like he was fighting with himself. "I… I want to, Eren. But I can't. I'm sorry."

His hand slipped out of mine, the sudden loss of his warmth on mine leaving me feeling bereft. It was a last look he gave me before he turned and rushed off, past the swings we'd sat on, across the lush grass until he was out of sight. I was too stunned to stop him, and even if I hadn't been caught in the shock over his quick departure, I wouldn't have held him back. He'd given me the chance to talk. He'd listened. It was all I'd asked for.

Despite the vague outcome of our conversation and the longing it left me with, I couldn't help but find comfort in hope. I knew Levi. If he'd really given up on me, on us, he would have said so. And… he hadn't. He hadn't told me it was over. I loved him, and this conversation and the delicate touches we'd shared, the long looks into each other's eyes, made me dare to hope that he loved me as well. If he thought this was what it took to make me give up, I'd prove him wrong.