Wow you guys! I received eight reviews since the last time I updated and I have to say thank you so much! It was overwhelming to see your comments and I'm glad you're all enjoying the story! Having some of you call the chapters "beautiful" made me get emotional. nelsonstewarta: I feel like the story is getting better with time as well. I feel like I am getting into my writing groove and I'm excited to write some more chapters! aparrot: I wanted Rey to see Han's death either through Han or Kylo and I decided to go with Han so Rey could experience seeing Ren up close when he kills his father. She was so high up on that balcony that she probably didn't get to hear much of what was going on between the two men once they started talking up close. I'm happy you liked it! sona: OMG I love it to! What's funny is that when I reread chapter 14 after its first draft, I realized the similarities between Aladdin wanting to show Jasmine the world and Ren saying something along the same lines to Rey. That was not intentional, but I loved that line so much that I kept it in the chapter. HogwartsIsOurHome: Thank you for the kind compliment! I am very eager to write more chapters! And I love your profile name. LadyMeraxes: I was afraid people would find the story to be too slow, but I am relieved you are enjoying the slow build between Rey and Kylo. I really tried to get a sense of the characters before writing so they could have character development that feels natural. Natalie-S-246: I love you and you're amazing for reading this story! :) I get giddy thinking about where the story is headed and then wish it was already written so I could read it and enjoy it myself. lol. MaelsiC: Yeah! You binge read the story! And I promise there is more to come!
Now, onto the chapter! I hope you guys enjoy!
I do not own Star Wars.
Chapter 15
Ren was looking down at Rey, completely lost in the moment.
Who am I?
As he was being drawn more and more into her warm gaze, he felt something foreign tightening in his stomach. His thumb wouldn't stop caressing the side of her palm, and he found himself wanting to touch more of her skin. To see more of it.
There was a possessiveness that had come over him from seeing her in his clothes, and he couldn't prevent himself from picturing his fingers catching onto the dark fabric, slowly undressing her. Everything about her was perfect to him: her light, her velvet hair, the curve of her neck...
His breathing hitched as he wrangled in his attraction. He was being overwhelmed by the exact emotion he'd been suppressing for almost two decades:
Desire.
Pulling his hand away, Ren took a curt step back. Rey's face became a mixture of hurt and confusion.
"Are you alright?" she inquired, reaching out to him.
Ren retreated from her touch. With accelerated progression, he was losing the sense of who he was in her presence, and it was being replaced by… he didn't know what. Lust was a feeling he'd always kept under control, but now, it was being blended with an emotion that was amplifying it.
Even when he was Ben, he had never felt this way.
Ever.
Ren was absolutely petrified and his face must have shown it since Rey slowly advanced toward him, the wrinkling of her brow displaying her concern. With raised hands, she neared him in a defenseless manner, as if she'd come upon a cornered and frightened cherfer.
"Ben."
His demeanor hardened upon hearing that name.
"You need to stop calling me that." His voice was low and discordant, making Rey stop herself a few feet from him. For the briefest of moments, fear shimmered across her features, but then she hardened her stare. He was trying to stop himself from being harsh with her, but he just couldn't. This was his involuntary defense mechanism to feeling fear.
"And what should I call you? Kylo Ren?" She held her chin up, refusing to back down from his sudden change in mood. "I can tell you right now that you will never hear me address you by that name. So, you just need to accept it."
"You need to understand that I am not Ben anymore," he bit back.
Rey threw her arms in the air out of frustration. "Then who are you?! And if you say Kylo Ren, I am gone." Her hand quickly sliced through the air as he felt his heart skip a beat. "The Force bond between us can be damned, cause I'm not going to be tied to a monster. You need to decide what you are doing here. I know where I stand. I told you I would leave with you and I sure as hell meant it, but I want to make one thing absolutely clear: If you revert back to who you were, I will have no choice but to stop you from hurting innocent people."
Ren arched a brow. "I thought you said you were incapable of killing me?"
Her eyes were daggers upon him. "If my hand was forced, I would. Don't think for one second that I would allow you to hurt or kill someone in front of me."
"I'll just have to murder someone when you're unaware," he sneered.
She came at him, hands shoving at his chest, sending him tumbling into the wall. He regained his balance quickly as he watched Rey fume.
"Why can't you just be a good person?!" she yelled, her voice reverberating through the galley and lounge, echoing off the ship walls.
"When people see good, they expect good." He seethed between clenched teeth. "And I don't want to live up to anyone's expectations."
"You say that like being a good person is difficult," she countered. "It's not!"
"That is an extremely naïve thing to say!" The anger and frustration came booming out of his voice before he could stop it. Wide eyed, Rey froze, not being able to look away from his twisted face. "Now, let me take a turn to make something clear to you. I am a monster because I want to be. I chose to live in the dark and forsake the light so I could accomplish my own goals." His breathing was ragged and heavy, but he didn't try to calm himself. "I have betrayed, killed, and tortured so many people that I don't even remember their faces anymore. Those kinds of worthless beings are cheap and mass produced, weak and undeserving of living in an organized society. Killing them was no worse then putting down a crazed dog. And I enjoyed every minute of it." Rey crossed her arms, keeping her body firmly in place. His confession didn't have the intended effect of frightening her, and that irked him.
Stop doing this. Stop trying to push her away, a weak voice inside his head pleaded.
"I thought you didn't lie," she told him.
His eyes narrowed as he attempted to read her thoughts, but she was successfully blocking him. As usual, her fast learning capabilities were proving to be incredibly sufficient.
"I don't."
"So are you telling me that your own father was a rabid dog in need of killing? That you enjoyed murdering him?"
A sudden coldness hit at his core, his muscles tightening as his neck straightened. Ren was so taken aback by her statement that he didn't know how to immediately react. Her anger over the circumstances of Han's death was evident all over her face, and he was an idiot to think that for one second she would actually want to stay with him. She said she would, but below the surface, she must not want to.
Ren knew he deserved her anger and disgust, but Rey's words made him unwillingly seethe.
Waves of regret washed off of her, the lines of her face contorting in shame. Ren stalked forward, his whole body shaking with unmitigated adrenaline, his lips curled back into a snarl. "Get off my ship." Venom dripped off of his words, but before he could see her reaction, he'd already left the galley. As he crossed the lounge, his head reflexively snapped to the right.
Sitting at the table, with a smug look on his face, was the pilot.
"Ben!" Rey ran out into the room, lurching to a stop once catching sight of Poe.
Poe's fingers tapped against the metal top in quick succession. "For a second there, I thought I would have to come in and break you two apart before you killed each other." Ren didn't respond to the pilot, and neither did Rey. He should've been shocked that their argument had been overheard, but all he felt was annoyance that he hadn't been aware of the eavesdroppers presence in the first place. His anger must have clouded his ability to sense him. "Now that we're all in the same room," Poe continued, "there are some things we need to discuss. Unless you two aren't done yelling yet. In which, I'll wait."
Ren resumed his way to the door. "I'm done talking to self-righteous people."
"We need to contact the Resistance," said Poe. That caught Ren's attention. He rubbed his face, aggravated that he kept going from one problem to another. "I was waiting for Rey to wake so we could contact them together. Oh, and I fixed the fuel leak. You're welcome."
Ren glanced to Rey. She was frantically looking between the two men. Ren waited for her to verbalize what she wanted to do. A part of him was tempted to throw himself at her feet, beg her to stay, tell her he would do anything if she just didn't leave. But his pride wouldn't allow him to acquiesce to such a pathetic display.
He'd told her to leave. He needed to stick by his request.
Rey's stare lingered on the pilot, Poe starting to look at her in confusion. Her eyes snapped to Ren. "I'm not going back to the Resistance. I won't leave you."
Mouth slackened, Ren's face lost all its strain. This girl, this stubborn woman who had relived the moment he'd killed his father, who had stood her ground as he treated her harshly only just a moment ago... was going to stay. It wasn't logical.
"What?" Poe sprang to his feet. "Rey, you can't stay here. With him!"
Ren and Rey were sill gazing at each other, not paying Poe any heed. She opened herself to him, a flood of her remorse washing into his well of emotions. She was sorry for what she'd said about his father, for she had already known just how much he died inside every time he thought about it.
"Hello?" Poe spoke, waving his hands.
Ren reluctantly ripped his eyes from Rey, turning his awareness to the confounded pilot.
"Poe, you can contact the Resistance after Ben and I are gone," Rey said evenly. "I can't risk them catching him,"
Poe scoffed. "Are you kidding me? He's a criminal! He murdered–"
"You don't have to remind me of all the things he's done." She took a deep breath. "I know you're confused, but I know what I'm doing."
"Do you?" Poe challenged. "Because no sane person would make a decision like this."
Rey shrugged. "Then maybe I'm not sane, but I think the Force is trying to tell me that my destiny is somehow intertwined with Ben's." Poe turned away, shaking his head as he pulled at his hair.
"Poe," Rey said softly, hesitantly walking to the pilot as he pivoted back around. "Have you ever had a feeling that you were meant for something more, that something was calling out to you, but you didn't know what it was?" The pilot remained silent, but from his solemn expression, he seemed to understand what Rey was trying to convey to him. "I have felt that way my whole life. I would sit on the desert sand and look up at the stars, knowing I was supposed to be out there. I could feel someone trying to draw me away from wasting my life on Jakku, but I was too afraid to find them. I let my naïve hope of seeing my family again stop me from living."
The pilot wanted to trust her, but his uncertainty was stopping him from doing so.
Rey continued. "When I learned about the Jedi and Luke, I thought that was the path I'd always been seeking. But even while I trained, I still felt like I was lost. But when Ben finally found me on the island, everything fell into place. My path and his are the same, and whatever comes our way, we need to face it together. As equals. That is my destiny, and nothing will change it. Not you, and not the Resistance."
Ren stood there, completely captivated by the sheer conviction behind Rey's words. Even the pilot was speechless, looking at the girl in defeat. He shook his head in disbelief, averting his eyes down to the floor. It seemed he was about to say something, but he turned away and left the lounge, not looking back at the two of them.
He felt her mood sadden over the need for someone – other than the two of them – to understand why she didn't want to leave him. Years ago, he'd stopped caring what other people thought of him in order to guard himself from feeling like a huge failure. Rey was still quite knew to the whole concept of having caring people in her life, and he could sense her worry over how they would judge her for embracing a destiny they could not understand.
Ren reached out to Poe's thoughts, trying to get an idea as to what the pilot was thinking. "He's trying to decide whether to stay, or to leave you," he told Rey. "But he won't contact the Resistance till you tell him to." The pilot trusted her, at least.
Rey remained motionless, showing no sign of having heard him. Comforting others wasn't an area Ren knew well, but he had an undeniable craving to see her smile. To be happy.
He should make amends for how he acted in the galley.
"Rey?" She turned, lifting her melancholy eyes to his. "May I show you something?" Perplexed, she nodded. He motioned for her to follow. After stopping by the rooms for their boots, he led her to the cargo bay and initiated the ramp to be lowered. The warm air of the planet brushed across his skin as he and Rey made their way down the exit.
"What is this?" she asked, reaching out as if she could catch the atmosphere. "I've never felt this before." Upon stepping off the ramp, Ren watched her face fill with wonder. It was still dark out, with only a minuscule amount of light starting to show from the rising sun. Thick green vines hung down from the lush branches above, bushes covering the white, sandy ground beneath them. She walked to one of the random trees, twirling and waving her arms against all the vines.
"It's called humidity," Ren explained, his heartbeat quickening. "Higher levels of water vapor accumulate in tropical environments."
"Tropical? Are we near an ocean?" Her beaming face was infectious, and he couldn't stop a wide grin from commandeering his usual stoic jaw.
Ren nodded. "Follow me and I can show you." He made a pathway through the thick foliage as the sound of the soft ocean waves came to his ears. He needed to see Rey take in the breathtaking view of the sunrise over the sea. When she had tasted the hot chocolate, he knew he had to be with her whenever she experienced anything for the first time.
They walked out of the vegetation as their boots hit the compactness of the shoreline.
The sun was already peaking out from the horizon as the beginning orange and red hues skirted across the rippling expanse of water, a blush of scarlet likened unto that of barabel fruit. Pure, white sand covered the peaceful beach, contrasting beautifully against the green tree line.
He could feel the amazement and awe emanating from Rey, and allowed himself to get lost in her experience. How blind had he become to these little glimpses of beauty? Since he'd acclimated himself to living in the shadows, torturing himself for a purpose. For once, Ren was content with not wearing his mask, for it would have distorted the view before him.
Rey fell to her knees, her hands covering her mouth. Unblinkingly, she absorbed the scenery through her overwhelmed eyes. Ren sat beside her, legs crossed and not saying a word. He didn't want to ruin this moment for her, or for him. All he wanted to do was to look at her, to memorize every single emotion that came across her sun kissed face. The sunrise was no doubt beautiful, but Rey looked absolutely stunning in the morning light, her wavy hair shimmering against the rays as Ren wondered what his fingers would feel as he combed them through those brown tresses.
But he just basked in her youthful innocence, rubbing his hands together, imagining.
Her name humbly left his lips. "Rey."
"Yes?" Her response was barely above a whisper as she kept her eyes on the dawn.
"How old are you?"
Her stare didn't waver, and he questioned if she even heard him at all.
"Nineteen," she finally responded.
He clenched his teeth together and looked down at the small patch of sand between them. He'd been hoping she was older.
"How old are you?" she asked. Her eyes were upon him now, but he didn't look up or respond. "Should I guess?" Ren shrugged. "Hmmmm… Twenty-two?" He shook his head as he glanced back up at her. He must not have told her he was twenty-three when he'd left his uncle, for if she knew, she could have easily calculated his age.
"I'm twenty-nine."
The smile she'd been sporting left her lips, replaced with astonishment. "You're twenty-nine? You're ten years older than me?"
Just like my parents….
He shifted his view to the glowing horizon. "It would seem that way." Really, it was ridiculous for him to feel uneasy about her age. She was an adult and it's not like anything had happened between them, nor would it ever. All he'd done was think about her in an inappropriate way, which made him feel like he had wronged her somehow.
"Why are you feeling uncomfortable?" she asked, sensing it.
"You're just… younger than I thought you would be."
"Well, you're older than I thought and I'm fine with it." She paused, studying his face as he watched the small waves roll onto the sand. "What? Do you view me as a child now?" No, and that's the problem. He viewed her as very much a woman. "Can we not be friends because of our age difference?" A hint of sarcasm seeped through her words as she tried to lighten the mood, but her undertone was serious.
At hearing the word "friend", his heart skipped a beat. "You... want to be my friend?"
A friend was such a foreign concept to him. It would help if he had one while growing up, but he hadn't.
He found himself feeling grateful for her, and he tensed at the feeling.
"Yes," she answered. "And I very much want you to be mine."
Friends. She wants me to be her friend. He had no idea how to be one of those, and he was afraid he'd be awful at it.
From the outside, the conversation probably sounded childish, but Ren was an adult and he was taking Rey's request very seriously. His throat involuntarily constricted and he didn't want to answer her for fear of sounding emotional over something so simple.
She twisted on her knees, situating herself directly in his line of vision. As he focused on her, he could feel the buzzing of their bond as it became electric. They were having another moment, like the one in the galley. But this time, Ren didn't back away.
"Ben?" He could sense her concern over the possibility of him refusing her, which was ridiculous for her to even entertain.
Ren knew he would never deny her anything.
He exhaled long and peacefully. "I've never had a friend," he admitted timidly, "and I might not be good at it... but I will endeavor to be yours."
()()()()()
Rey observed Ben's desolate face and she failed to prevent herself from feeling pity for him. Never had a friend… The more she learned about his life, the more it became clear as to how he'd fallen so deep into the shadows.
Maybe he just needs someone to believe in him.
She lifted her hand, wiggling her fingers. "I can count the number of friends I have on one hand, so I'm very much a novice to the whole concept as well. But, I'm sure we can figure it out together."
A small smile touched his face as he nodded in agreement. "Together," he agreed quietly.
They stared at each other for a few moments, allowing the fact that they could now label what was between them sink into their thoughts.
Then Rey bit at her lip, glancing to the foliage behind him. "Look, Ben, about what happened in the galley–"
"You don't need to apologize," he interjected honestly. "I was being harsh towards you when I shouldn't have been. I'm sorry." She sat back onto her heels and rested her palms on her thighs. "I can be… a difficult person to get along with."
She snorted and chuckled as he made the most obvious statement in the universe. "I figured that out from the first time I ever met you." Images of their meeting on Takodana crossed her mind. All of that felt like it had happened a lifetime ago, when in reality, it had only been a couple weeks since that encounter.
Ben stroked his hair back, refusing to look at her again. He'd grown uncomfortable.
"You don't like when I bring up our past confrontations," Rey stated, tilting her head while observing him.
"No."
She waited for him to talk further, but he kept silent, letting the sound of the gentle breeze verbalize what he refused to. Rey hoped that as they spent more time together, he would be able to talk to her more freely. And openly.
There was still so much she wanted to know about him.
"How are you feeling?" He abruptly changed the subject, raising his head. "Your injuries–"
"I'm feeling great, actually," she exclaimed with extra pep in her tone. Ben narrowed his eyes. "Really, I am. My ribs are just a tiny bit sore, but everything else seems to have healed. You must be really gifted in Force healing."
"Quite the opposite, actually. Healing was never a strong talent of mine. I had to heal you every few hours for it to even make a difference."
Her eyebrows shot up in surprise. "You… healed me multiple times throughout the night?" He nodded. "Did you even get any sleep?"
He shrugged, indifferent. "I slept in short bursts. I'm used to having erratic sleeping patterns."
Rey tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear. "Well... thank you. For making me feel better."
His brows creased. "I gave you those injuries. You shouldn't be thanking me for anything."
She gave him a flat stare and smirked. "Can you just accept my gratitude instead of minimizing how you helped me?" Still, he gave no response. Rey decided to not press him any further. She needed to choose her battles with him, and she didn't want to get in an argument over something trivial.
With a deep sigh, Rey crawled back to her position next to him, relishing in watching the spectacle over the ocean.
They lost track of time as they sat on the packed sand, talking to one another. Well she did most of the talking, while he just sat there and patiently listened. She spoke mostly about the stories of her scavenging adventures on Jakku, and he seemed to be taking a genuine interest in her life. He still kept a certain part of himself closed off from her, though, and Rey wanted to know what part of him that was. Whenever he did speak, he stayed on topics that were in the present – like how she had slept for eighteen hours, or how him and Poe made an effort to stay away from each other.
Rey turned her head to the right as she suddenly heard music playing off in the distance. The island curved around in a crescent shape, and she could vaguely see the outline of buildings along the far off cliff.
"That's the city Khalon," Ben explained, following her line of sight. "Spira is a huge tourist planet, with numerous islands scattered throughout the ocean. They all have cities just like that one." Rey stood and crept closer to the waves, trying to get a better view of the town. It was still too far away, but she could make out the music a little better.
She found herself liking the soft melody and wishing to get closer look. "Any chance we could go over there?"
Ben came up next to her, peering at the illuminated city. She wanted to observe how people lived so carefree and in such a beautiful place. Maybe she could even pretend that she was one of them. Just for a day.
Ben hesitated. "We shouldn't take the chance of being recognized. Even though I erased myself from the First Order archives, there's still a chance I could be identified."
Of course, Ben was right. To venture through the town would be foolish and could put them in danger.
But, the First Order doesn't know what I look like.
()()()()()
Finn picked up his legs, increasing his momentum as he ran through the snow, darting around one of the building clusters surrounding the Resistance base. The air was chilly and the wind had picked up considerably since he first began, but he kept pushing himself well passed exhaustion. His gait was still hindered by his mild limp, but he was getting better at adjusting his movements to the defect.
He collapsed onto the packed snow, his back on the cold ground as he gazed up at the brilliant blue sky. It had almost been a full day since the battle on the island, and he'd spent most of his time since with Luke Skywalker. Listening to the Jedi Master recount what he'd witnessed between Poe, Rey, and Kylo Ren had left Finn with more questions than answers. Clearly, Skywalker was just as confused as he was since he couldn't come up with a logical explanation as to what had happened.
One thing they'd both agreed on? Rey would never join the First Order.
To Finn, it was absolutely impossible that Kylo had turned back to the light. Could the guy forsake the First Order? That was what it sounded like from all the accounts, but Finn had heard so much of the infamous Kylo Ren while being a stormtrooper that he knew something else was going on. Finn was positive that Ren had his own agenda that was separate from the First Order and the Supreme Leader, and it somehow involved Rey.
But she'd gone with him willingly, so what did that mean? All night and all morning, his mind has been on repeat as he went over all the details and all the reports. He was no closer to coming to a conclusion than he was an hour ago. He needed to find his friends, but he felt useless from not knowing where to even start his search.
He sat up, pulling at the bottom of his sweater to wipe off his drenched face. Steam rose from his heated body, and his mouth was in need of some water as he tried to swallow what little saliva he had left.
Finn had parted ways with Skywalker a few hours ago, after the Jedi Master proclaimed he was going to try meditating some more to locate the general. Leia Organa missing was a huge mess in and of its self. Her brother speculated that she was either unconscious or something was blocking her Force signature from being detected. When they'd been bouncing ideas off of each other as to who could have taken Leia, Skywalker immediately ruled out his nephew.
However, Finn was still not completely convinced.
It could also be the First Order, but Finn had brought up a good point that they would've made it immediately known that the general was their prisoner, maybe even going as far as publicly executing her by now. They could be waiting to show their hand, but Finn knew General Hux was impatient when it came to showing the strength of the First Order. Killing a Resistance general on the HoloNet would definitely showcase their prowess.
"Oh!" came a feminine voice. Finn jumped to his feet and spun around to face a surprised Jessika Pava. "Finn. I didn't know you were out here." Her almond eyes scanned the area around them. "What are you doing?" She walked forward, her long black hair catching in the strong wind gusts.
"I wanted to run outside with some privacy." He gave her an embarrassed grin. "Didn't want people to see how goofy I probably looked while trying to get my strength back, ya know?"
"I can barely tell you've been injured, and no one would think you look ridiculous."
"But I feel ridiculous."
Jess gave him a reassuring smile as she tried to keep her hair out of her face. "Hey, since you're here, could you help me grab some stuff from inside? My sensory arrays on my ship were damaged during the fight and I need some spare parts to fix them."
"Sure."
He followed her to the front of the building and was glad to be out of the wind when he entered the junk-filled warehouse. He stood off to the side, watching Jess as she searched through numerous columns for the hardware. Mechanics was not a talent of his, so he decided to stay out of her way while she combed through everything.
"So," she said while rifling through a box full of wires on the floor. "Have you heard anything more about Poe?" Jess asked, trying to hide her nerves, but Finn could tell she was anxious by how her voice tightened.
"No. I haven't been told anything else since I talked to you last night." Her shoulders slumped, but she quickly regained her composure as she grabbed a long cord out of the box. "You care about him, don't you?"
Jess froze and then slowly looked at Finn. He knew it probably wasn't his place to ask her such a question, but his curiosity got the best of him.
Her lips formed a shy grin as she cast her gaze down in embarrassment. "I do, but he doesn't even know I exist."
"What are you talking about? You guys are good friends." That's what Poe told Finn, anyway.
She rolled her eyes. "Okay, he technically knows I exist since we're in the same squadron, but I'm talking about... him caring for me. As more than a friend." She went to an empty box in the corner and began to fill it with her equipment.
"Why didn't you tell him this?"
A weak exhale escaped from Jess. "I wanted to. So many times, but I always got too scared. And now, I might never get a chance to tell him." Finn could relate to how Jess felt, but he refused to let himself think that he would never see Rey again. He cared for her, more than he has for anyone else in his life. Poe was a close second and he was now missing alongside Rey. The only thing holding Finn together was being able to talk with the Jedi Master. The man seemed to be wise and confident that his two friends were fine.
Finn clung to that assurance.
"Yes, you will," Finn said sternly, taking a few steps toward her. "Rey and Poe are either going to escape, or we'll find them first. You'll get your chance, Testor."
With eyes dark like a cloud before rain, she said, "I hope so."
The Resistance was more focused on finding General Organa, which was understandable. But Finn made sure to constantly check in with one of the admirals so they wouldn't forget about Poe and Rey. All of them kept explaining that if they found the general, his two friends would be close behind since Kylo Ren took all three of them. Finn knew that was just an assumption on their part, and he decided to put his trust with Skywalker instead. He had to, or his anger would drive him to start being reckless.
"If anyone could figure their way out of a bind," Jess added, more vigor behind her voice, "it's Poe. He can get them out."
A chuckle from Finn filled the silent building. "Poe? I was thinking Rey. Seriously, she kicked Ren's ass the last they fought and she's been training as a Jedi." Finn's statement made Jess smile in the dim light. "She's the one who will get them away from that psychopath."
Jess lifted the hefty box, walking passed Finn to the table, hefting her findings on the metal slab. She then resumed her search on the other side of the room.
"Someone seriously needs to kill that guy already. You think Rey could do it?" Jess crawled half way into one of the shelves, pushing a group of radar cases out the way. Finn knew Rey wasn't a killer, but if she had to choose between Ren's life and hers, she would choose to survive.
"I think if she had no other choice, she'd kill him." I hope…
"You know," Jess pushed her upper body out from the plethora of gadgets, "I'm surprised you aren't at the containment center on base." A streak of oil was plastered across her cheek as she faced him.
He scrunched his forehead, perplexed. "Why would I be over there?"
"Because of all the stormtroopers they have locked up."
Finn froze, not completely understanding what she was saying.
"Stormtroopers? What are you talking about?"
"You don't know?" Finn shook his head, looking at her incredulously. "A group of stormtroopers surrendered during the battle on the island." Finn's heart started to pound in his ears as he tried to listen to Jess. "That New Republic fleet admiral is calling for their executions, but not everyone on the council is on board with that idea. I thought–"
Finn darted out of the building, not caring that he left Jess behind with all her stuff to carry. He'll apologize to her later, but right now, he needed to get to the containment center.
Finn was really growing to hate Grand Admiral Trend. That lady thought she could just waltz onto the Resistance base and take control of everything. What's worse was that no one was really trying to stop her. Admiral Ackbar and Statura were both trying to undermine her, but she outranked them, which gave the two men no power. Her only equivalent was General Organa, but she was gone and Skywalker couldn't find her.
Finn's boots crunched against the compacted snow as he booked it toward one of the hangar bays. If he had left the First Order so he could be free, there had to be others who felt the same as him. There had to be other stormtroopers who desperately wanted to escape their slavery, and Finn would help them to do so.
Vassena Trend and her orders be damned.
()()()()()
"Concentrate on forming a wall around your mind," Ren lectured, but not condescendingly. His tone was helpful. "Envision it. Let the Force bind the barrier together so nothing can get through."
Beads of sweat were starting to riddle Rey's forehead as Ren felt her attempts at trying to block him out. She'd yet to successfully do it.
They'd spent the majority of the day on the beach, only going aboard the ship for food and to use the refresher. He was sure his face and arms had sustained a light sunburn, but he didn't have the heart to take Rey away from a place she clearly wanted to be in.
Shortly after he'd tossed down Rey's question about visiting the city, she began to beg him to teach her some Force abilities. Specifically Force Concealment, so she could block her mind from being invaded. At first he refused her, since teaching her would involve him to break down her barriers so she could learn. It reminded him too much of the day he interrogated her on Starkiller base.
"But this is different," she had said, trying to make Ren realize that this time she was consenting to him using the Force on her. The girl was very persistent and had eventually worn down his resolve as they trekked along the beach. Hopefully she won't have this incessant need to learn anything else from him, but in the back of his mind, he knew he'd opened Rey's curiosity.
Now, sitting in the serene spot Rey had found on the beach, Ren was bombarding Rey's mind with his own. The girl was a quick study and a natural at using the Force, but he could feel her exhaustion starting to make weak spots in her barrier. Ren receded, not wanting to cause Rey any more pain from battering down her blockade.
She lifted her shirt to wipe her sweaty brow, revealing the lightsaber scar across her abdomen.
He glanced away.
"Lets go again," Rey demanded. The sun was beginning to set, signaling to Ren that they should be done for the day.
"We should start heading back to the ship before dark. I haven't seen the pilot all day, which is making me uneasy." Ren started to rise, but Rey grabbed onto his arm, pulling him back down.
Their knees touched from the close proximity.
"Poe's fine." She dismissed his concern with a lazy wave of the hand. "And you said earlier he wouldn't contact the Resistance." Rey eyed the decreasing light in the sky. "And we still have an hour of light left. I should keep practicing." She squared off at Ren, trying to hide any signs of weariness.
But he could feel how tired she was. "Rey, you're exhausted and should rest. You can practice again tomorrow."
"But... I was wanting to practice dueling with our lightsabers tomorrow." And what do you know, here Rey was, asking more from him. "You once offered to be my teacher. So, teach me." Ren rubbed his face and sighed deeply into his hands. Rey was so damn persistent and eager to learn that he was tired just from telling her no so many times. He didn't even know why he bothered resisting, since he knew he would let her get what she wanted eventually.
"What, you have something important going on tomorrow?" she asked, placing her hands on her hips.
He gave her a flat stare through his long fingers. "No." Just trying to figure out what the hell to do with my life now…. His hands dropped to his lap, defeated.
"Great," Rey said, perking up. "In the morning we can practice saber dueling. Then in the afternoon, we can do more mental exercises. And if there's time in the evening, you can help me with Force pushing and pulling objects. I'm glad we could come to an agreement on the schedule." They eyed each other as they both refused to back down. The girl was unexpectedly bossy, but Ren discovered that he liked seeing her stand up to him. So many people would cower from his persona, but not her.
She was trying so hard to look intimidating, but watching her sit there in his oversized clothes made her look sort of ridiculous. His lips started to open into a wide grin. It spread all the way to his ears and his eyes lit up from the serene feeling bubbling up from his core. A big, boisterous laugh filled the evening air around them and it took him a moment to realize the he was the one who was laughing.
"Are you laughing at me?" Rey was trying to remain serious, but failed as her own lighthearted giggle joined his.
Ren had always been a serious person. Even when he felt happy, which was rare, his face would remain immobile, sunk into the kind of foreboding you would see right before you did something regretful. But watching Rey try to order him around awoke something inside him that had long since been dead and buried: happiness. The feeling infected his cold-calculating heart, warming his cheeks and making it so he could barely breathe as laugh after laugh rolled from his stomach and out of his mouth. All the anguish over the past few days melted away, creating a blessed relief from all the distress that had shoved its way into his life.
He wrapped his arms around his middle, trying to remedy the burn from the pulsating contractions. Gradually, he was able to control his breathing and calm himself, but he still clutched onto the joyous feeling like it was a lifeline.
His focus turned back to Rey and he saw her smiling as a tear rolled out of her eye. Immediately, he grew concerned and confused. "Are you alright?" His hand stretched out to wipe her tear away, but he stopped himself mere inches from her face. He needed to stop thinking that he had the right to touch her in such an intimate way.
"You look so goofy and happy when you laugh, it made you look so young. So… alive." And he did feel alive for the first time in years. Death had been his constant companion, but now Rey was starting to take its place.
"No one has ever called me goofy before," he pointed out. Rey wiped her face while never taking her eyes away from his. If Ren could get his way, he would want to stay on this island and stare at her for the rest of his life. But life had always been cruel to him, and he knew such a thing was unattainable.
Her eyes grew soft as the moment lost its playfulness. "Ben?"
"Yes?"
She hesitated and started to play with her fingers in her lap. Ren noticed she would do that whenever she felt flustered.
"You know I'm not a fragile little girl, right?" Of course he knew she wasn't fragile, but it was hard to not treat her as such. "If you push me beyond my limits, I won't break. I know how to adapt; its what I've been doing my whole life. I held my own against you in the snow, remember?"
"I'll never be able to forget that." Really, he never would.
She leaned forward. "I – I need to learn more about the Force. And I want you to teach me." He was about to retort, but she cut him off. "I don't like to use this against you, but you owe it to me. You cut my training with Master Luke short." Rey was making a considerably good point. "I don't want you to show me anything that pertains to the dark side. Just teach me some fundamental things. That's all I ask." Her features were silently imploring him to accept her proposal and he could sense his apprehension growing weaker.
"Are you sure you know what you're asking?" He was in no way a gentle teacher and she needed to know that. If she wanted him to push her, he would.
"Yes," she replied.
Then her first true lesson would start right now.
He drove directly into her mind without warning, causing her to slightly retreat back in pain and surprise. She grabbed her head, trying to alleviate the sudden explosion gripping her cognizance.
"Don't try to physically push me out," he told her. "You need to do it from within."
She threw up her barrier, but Ren easily made it collapse. He could feel her being overwhelmed by his sudden attack, so he started to pull back a little.
"Don't you dare stop!" Her eyes shot open, looking at him with powerful conviction. "I can do this." Indeed, he knew she could do it. She'd achieved blocking him in the interrogation room, but that was under dire circumstances. A person could push themselves to great lengths when they felt threatened.
He leaned in closer, feeling her fear and desperation, but this time it was not directed at him.
She was afraid of failing.
Even though his eyes were open, it was if he stood among the morphing images of her life growing up on Jakku. She had watched, helplessly, as a fellow scavenger was being torn apart by steelpeckers. The man had unknowingly opened a hatch that lead to the vicious birds nest, and they pounced on his meaty flesh instantly. Ren felt her horror, but Rey never turned away from the grisly image. She'd watched the whole thing.
The image changed, swirling into a scene inside her AT-AT. She was younger, maybe around ten years old, curled up on the floor. Her breathing was raspy and her lips were bleeding from their dried cracks. A storm outside had her holed up in her home, and Ren could tell that she'd been stuck inside for days without food and water. She was slowly dying.
Cold air hit him from behind, and he turned to see Rey holding his grandfathers lightsaber. She was snarling and circling a figure in the snow.
The figure was him, just after she'd slashed his face. The ground opened, separating them. She ran away into the forest, bewildered and scared.
In a blink, he was now standing over a dark skinned man laying face down in the snow. It was FN-2187, and he was exactly where Ren had left him after slicing through his back. Rey ran to her friend and sunk to her knees. With tears pouring from her sullen eyes, she rested her head onto the man's jacket.
Something vibrated off to his left. Ren looked to the forest where Rey had just come from. He drifted closer to the noise, faintly hearing a ship land somewhere behind him. There was a dark shadow forming in between the trees, his curiosity needing to be satiated as to what it was. He tried to push through it, but it blocked him. Out of frustration, he rammed his mind against it, making it weaken.
With one final shove, the shadow burst forth into a fierce ball of light.
The brightness surrounded him, crippling him among its immense power. All too quickly, he was violently shoved into his own psyche, his eyes focusing back on reality. Rey was holding onto his arms tightly, concentrating on his face. He tossed up his own mental block, but she shattered it to pieces like it was made of thin glass.
She was mentally pushing him too far back, not knowing how to handle the sudden power flowing through her. He tried to call out, tried to yell her name, but he couldn't remember how to even form words. Speckles of black danced across his vision as his head pounded and his throat stung with bile. He couldn't hold himself upright any longer. His body fell to the sand as he blacked out completely.
()()()()()
Everything around him was dark: black sky, upon a black perimeter, upon black ground. But somehow, where he stood was being lit by an indiscernible light source. He took a step, a pool of black water swishing at the ankles of his boots.
Ren whirled around. "Hello!" he called out, but received no response. His voice didn't even echo in the pit of the void.
And then he recognized where he was. He'd been stuck in here before, by his master when being taught a lesson. But he wasn't imprisoned this time. Rey had just pushed him too far into his own subconscious.
What started off as a walk turned into a jog, that quickly morphed into a panicked run. Nothing appeared to him but darkness and water. But physicality wasn't going to make him claw his way out of here, it had to come from within. It was the lesson Ren had literally been teaching Rey.
"I found you," a sinister voice boomed, omnipotent and dripping of acrimony.
Ren slid across the slick surface, trying to halt his quickening feet. Fear gripped him and held him tight, refusing to let go.
"You cannot flee from me, young Solo. I made you into who you are." Snoke's voice hissed at his apprentice. Ren bolted in the opposite direction, feeling the bottom half of his trousers becoming soaked.
Where am I going? Where's Rey?
"So, your sentiment for the girl has grown stronger. Such a pathetic emotion, one that I thought you'd be strong enough to resist." Ren spun around, trying desperately to sense any semblance of an outlet. "But if you kill the girl, you can come back. No punishment will befall you, and you can rule the galaxy by my side." Ren's mouth had gone dry and panic was making him breathe erratically. "You were always my most promising student, the one with the most power, but without my guidance, the light and the dark within you will tear you apart. Only through me will you gain true freedom from the conflict within."
Shame shot through him as he actually considered his masters offer. He didn't want to be alone anymore and Snoke was offering him a place back by his side, to rid himself of being pulled in two different directions. But he wasn't alone, for he had Rey now.
His eyes scanned the obscurity, wanting so badly for her to appear.
This is a nightmare. It isn't real.
"This is very much real," Snoke replied.
Ren pulled at his hair, clenching his teeth together till he thought they would shatter.
"Kneel before me, my apprentice, and tell me where you are." Ren dropped to his knees, the water rippling out around him. The pressure under his skull intensified as his master tried to pry into his mind. Ren was slowly losing the futile battle. He clutched onto his head and screamed out in agony.
I'm alone.
"Ben." Rey's voice, as quiet as a breeze, floated across the nothingness. He raised his head, eyes zeroing in on a small light in the distance. He scrambled to his feet, tossing up water in his wake as he sprinted towards the flickering exit. His master's demands grew faint as he drew nearer to the brightness ahead.
"Ben!" Reys voice was louder and anxious, calling him eagerly to her. He wanted – no, needed to see her, to be with her.
"Ben!" He threw his body into the light, leaving the place of torment behind.
()()()()()
Waves of power swelled inside her as she grasped onto Ben's arms. She glared into his eyes, mentally shoving him back into his own mind, but she couldn't stop there. The power opposed her command to cease, and instead began to put too much pressure on Ben's psyche.
Flashes of his life filled her consciousness.
He was a little boy, glaring at himself in a mirror. His fist shot out over and over again, destroying the glass with his bloodied knuckles. The picture shifted, showing the outside of a wide building at night. Kylo Ren stalked up to the building, his knights following him close behind. Colors dissolved the scene and reformed into the inside of her AT-AT. Ben held her doll, peering at the tick marks on the far wall.
A quick succession of images came next: a yellow lightsaber, Unkar Plutt on the ground, Han's face, and her strapped to the interrogation table. Rey blinked, refocusing her vision back onto Ben. His eyes rolled into the back of his head and she lost the grip on his arms as he fell back onto the ground.
Shock claimed her and she became panicked as she watched Ben's body start to seize. Sharp grunts came from his mouth as his muscles tightened in his neck, preventing him from breathing normally.
"Ben!" She cried out, but he kept shaking. She climbed up his body, straddling his midsection. Carefully, her hands cupped both sides of his face and she locked her arms to stop his head from jolting. "Ben! Wake up!"
Her spine shivered as she could feel a sinister presence beating off of him, but it didn't belong to him. This feeling was uncontaminated evil, a far cry from what Ben's aura felt like to her. His body was starting to thrash around more violently, and Rey was having a tough time keeping herself from toppling over.
"Shhhhhhhhhh. Ben, listen to my voice. Wake up, come back." Her face was so close to his that she could feel his sharp breaths on her skin. Tears welled up on the side of his shut eyelids and Rey's heart broke as she watched them slide down his temples, becoming lost in his black hair. She felt so helpless in that moment. She still didn't know much about the Force to aid him.
Ben was the only one who would know what to do during something like this.
She felt so naïve at embracing that power inside of her when she hadn't been aware of the ramifications from using it.
Rey lowered her cheek so it was resting against his, whispering his name into his ear. "Ben."
His seizing slowed. She raised her head, hopeful. But his eyes were still glued shut. Her hands switched to clinging onto his grey shirt, shaking him. "Ben!" She screamed into his face. "Ben!"
He opened his eyes, locking his dark irises onto Rey.
Both of them remained still as they drank in each others company. Tersely, she threw herself onto him, nuzzling her head into the crook of his neck. Her arms dug into the sand as she wrapped her two limbs beneath him.
"I'm so sorry. I had no idea what I was doing. I couldn't control whatever the hell that was. I'm so, so sorry," she kept repeating, speaking next to his ear frantically. His arms snaked around her torso, holding her tightly against his wide frame. He breathed deeply into her hair, sending chills down her back, finding the sensation to be welcoming.
They stayed close together for a long while. Rey could sense that if she pulled away from him, he might lose the control he was gradually gaining back. It made her feel perturbed that he still hadn't muttered a word, but she didn't want to push him.
Ben's fingers were making little circles on her back, drawing her focus to his touch.
"Rey." She unwound her arms and lifted her upper body, placing her hands firmly in the sand beside his head. He looked at her tenderly as their faces loomed close to one another. "I think we should take a break from Force lessons for a while." His lips twitched.
Rey arched a brow. "You're making a joke, after what just happened?" Ben shrugged and gave her a sheepish grin. There was something sad about his eyes, though, and she knew he was hiding something from her. "What happened while you were out?"
"Nothing," he said too quickly. He was putting on a blank face as he tried to hide his thoughts from her, but she could feel he was lying. Ben didn't look emotionless unless he was trying to hide something.
"You pride yourself on not being a liar, remember?" she reminded him.
Ben quickly sat up, grabbing Rey's hips so she didn't lose her balance. She became flustered as she quickly realized she was sitting in his lap in a very precarious position. Ben's stare roamed over her lips before snapping back up to her eyes. Lightly, as if she were a child, he picked her up and placed her on the sand in front of him.
She studied his melancholic face as he scanned the dimly lit tree line on the beach."I… uh." He cleared his throat. "I'd rather just pretend it never happened." She bent her legs to her chest and rested her chin on her knees, waiting for him to continue. But he didn't.
"That's not how life works," she muttered. "There is no pretending." He nodded his head slowly in agreement before he proceeded to recount the events to her. That vile feeling that had been seeping out from him was Snoke, and Rey found herself becoming very territorial of Ben upon hearing that his master wanted him to return. After he killed her, of course.
That little detail didn't escape her notice.
While he was talking, he hadn't looked at her once. "Rey. You need to know that for a brief moment, I considered his proposal." Her mind went blank trying to decide how to respond to that confession. It shouldn't be that surprising to hear he'd thought over Snoke's offer, since just a couple days ago he'd been very loyal to his master. It was unrealistic to expect him to change over such a short amount of time.
A small part of her was still hoping he would, though.
"Ben, do you trust Snoke?" His eyes scrutinized the landscape as he thought over her question. How he responded was very important, because if he said yes, Rey had no idea what she would do. Leave. I would probably leave. And she really did not want to do that.
"He told me killing Han would make me stronger in the dark side, but it didn't. He said killing you would stop the conflict inside, but I realized while fighting you, that it would destroy me. So, in the end... he lied." The sunlight was almost completely gone from the sky, the moon slowly rising over the shimmering ocean. "No, I do not trust him."
Rey let out a long exhale of relief, closing her eyes as her rising anxiety began to subside.
A deep sob reached her ears and she opened her eyes to see Ben cradling his head in his hands. His chest was expanding quickly as he took in sharp inhales of humid air. She placed her hand on his thigh to comfort him, but he didn't seem to notice.
"I don't know what the hell I'm doing," he confessed. "My life is so fucked up that I'm an absolute mess. What am I supposed to do now? Where am I to go? Who am I supposed to be?" His hands racked through his hair, allowing her to look upon his tear stained face. A sardonic laugh came from his mouth, and his attention finally turned towards Rey. "Do you know the last time I ever cried like this? Aside from the caves and on Ahch-To?" Rey suspected the question was rhetorical, so she just stared at him, waiting for the answer. "I was ten, and I'd found out that I had failed one of my school exams. I thought my life was over and I was a wreck for a solid week." His voice was a mixture of laughing and crying, like the two emotion were battling for dominance. "Now look at me. I'm a neurotic perfectionist who no longer has a plan and has more questions than answers. I'm lost, and I have no bearings on what I should do from here."
rey scooted closer to him, squeezing his thigh in reassurance. "Ben, I think you're forgetting one very important detail." He glanced at her, mystified as to what she could be talking about. "You have me. You're not alone anymore."
His breathing tempered, the harrowed look melted into something tender and as soft as the impending moonlight. Placing his palm atop her hand, Rey turned it over, allowing him to lace his fingers through hers. "Neither are you," he said ardently.
She gave him the smallest of smiles. "We'll figure out what to do, and we'll do it together." His eyes clasped shut, releasing big welts of tears down his cheeks and off his chin.
"Promise?" he muttered. The question sounded so innocent, so childlike that Rey wanted to engulf him into her arms and hide him away from the cruelties of the galaxy. But she refrained herself.
"Promise."
Their stares met again, and out of everything they'd been through, after everything they've done to each other, looking in his eyes was what resonated with Rey the most. It always did. Ben might exude a hard exterior, but she remembered the first time she'd ever seen those irises from the vantage point of an interrogation chair, noticing the sensitivity behind his gaze.
This simple eye contact was all they would ever need to connect, Rey and Ben, just a stare, no words. If the Force bond somehow suddenly became silent, their enticement toward each other would always remain the same.
A fateful constant.
For some reason, this chapter was difficult for me to write so if it isn't that good, I apologize. Not much action going on in this chapter, as it focuses more on Rey and Ben interacting. I wanted to convey that even though Ren is very much a man, he is still a child in many ways. He never really had anyone care for him unconditionally, and he is really starting to cling to Rey for support and some comfort. Rey still has some growing up to do as well, so we will see them both mature together as time goes on.
I hope you all still enjoyed the chapter though! As always, please follow, fave, or review the story! I love to know what you all think and value each comment!