By the time Jean's party weekend came around, everyone around me was brimming with excitement. Against all odds, I had to admit that some of it rubbed off on me. As opposed to everyone else, I knew that my excitement was based on one thing and one thing only: Farlan Church's assent to come to the party and what it instilled in me. Hope. The most destructive emotion known to mankind. To cap it all, it was the kind of hope that doubled with each day and lured me into thoughts of seeing Levi at the party, of getting another chance to talk to him. Of getting another chance to be with him. Maybe it was wrong to cling onto the false security those thoughts gave me, but too soon, the mental image of Levi and me leaving the party as boyfriends had become my favorite lie. It was so easy to dwell on all the sweet scenarios the party could hold for us. I'd tried to accept we were over, but every fiber of my body had fought against me. So maybe I was just not meant to let go yet, or I was simply insane. I liked to believe the first option had at least close to the same probability as the second one.

On the day of the party, my phone buzzed non-stop. At the first picture message of Armin asking what do you think of this shirt? I'd been shocked that he 1) was seriously caring about what he'd wear to Jean's party and 2) would ask me for fashion advice. By the fifth picture however (does this look cool on me?), I was seriously questioning his motives. Armin wasn't the type of guy who was striving to look cool, which suggested the assumption that it was probably not the party he wanted to look cool for, but someone at the party. My attempts at teasing the truth out of him had been met with zero success so far. He had the playing innocent thing down to a T, even when I knew he was way too smart not to catch up on what it was I wanted to get out of him. Maybe it was Annie. Or Historia, I'd seen him sneaking glances at both of them before. Seemed like this party was going to be hella interesting for my friends, and it hadn't even started yet.

I put the phone away and got up to look at myself in the large floor-length mirror in my room. Was my black shirt and my pair of skinny jeans fancy enough? I racked my brain for anything Levi might have said about me and clothes in one sentence. I'm pretty sure I remembered that he told me he liked me in white because it made my tan stand out so nicely. So white it was.

My wardrobe was a mess. I really needed to get my shit together, preferably before school started again. After diving through the shirts I owned, I came up with a white one saying "#goaway" and that was surely not the message I wanted to send tonight. I ended up targeting the washroom to do white colored laundry. Me, doing laundry. I couldn't quite figure out if the influence Levi was having on me in that regard was good or bad.

About two hours later, I had a crisp white shirt that smelled like lavender. I also had eleven more text messages. Jean was trying to be all casual about the party, but his texts called bullshit. He was nervous. Most likely because of Mikasa, but another reason might be that he'd gone around promising everyone the party of the century and now he had to stick to his word.

Since I was trying to talk myself into being in good spirits today, I shot him a quick message of reassurance. He had nothing to worry about, after all, he did throw pretty amazing parties. Hell, he was known for it. Armin, Mikasa and me had scheduled to come over an hour before the party crowd to help with the final touches and the pep talks. The closer I got to the time I had to leave home, the more fidgety I became. The only thing that helped to some extent was the walk I took Zeke on in the late afternoon. He was on his best behavior, as if he knew my nerves were strung tight today and I was so grateful that I fed him twice the amount of treats he usually got. When it was time to get ready, I was this close to back out and stay home with Zeke for a movie marathon. Even if I'd really wanted to do that, I knew I stood no chance against my friends. They'd not buy any excuse I could come up with in this life.

After a long shower, I changed into my freshly washed clothes and ran a brush through my hair. Then I went downstairs to refill Zeke's food bowl and slipped into my shoes. I met up with Mikasa and Armin halfway to Jean's house.

"Hi!" Armin beamed. He'd decided to wear the outfit I'd liked best out of the options he'd sent me via text. I was pleased.

"Hey there," I said, hugging him to me with one arm. "You look great."

He flashed me a smile that showed off the cute dimples in his cheeks. I had absolutely no idea how whoever he wanted to impress tonight would be able to avoid falling for him on the spot. "Thanks for being my fashion adviser today."

"Anytime." I gave him another once over. "Guess I ain't half bad, huh?" Then I lowered my voice and pulled him closer. I had to lean down to whisper in his ear. The motion chased a sudden wave of remembrance through me, but I was quick to fight it down. "I don't know who it is you got all dressed up for, but trust me, you'll definitely make an impression on them."

His face tilted up to me, cheeks flushing instantly. Then he nodded, his lips slipping into a soft smile. I might need to do another grilling session to make him spill who it was, but for now, I was glad we had moved past the denial stage.

"What are you two whispering about?" Mikasa asked.

"Oh, nothing," I said cheerfully. "Just boy talk."

The look she gave me was beyond suspicious and for a second, I thought she'd make us share. But then she shrugged and dropped the subject.

A few minutes later, we arrived at Jean's place and holy mother of pearl. He'd gone all out. I'd been to his back to school parties ever since he started them in freshman year, but nothing had come close to this. The first alarming thing I noticed was that he had unlocked the liquor cabinet in the living room. The liquor cabinet, meaning the entire party crowd would have unlimited access to the hard stuff.

I turned around and pierced him with a gaze that said are you fucking serious. Surprise surprise, he didn't get it.

"Are you fucking serious?" I said, motioning to the glass cabinet behind me. "Do you want this party to end in a massacre? Or better yet, in a goddamn orgy?"

He put a finger to his bottom lip in contemplation. "Well… I wouldn't be opposed to the orgy option."

I rolled my eyes when he began to cackle loudly. Guess who'd have to deal with his panicky ass after the party had winded down to reveal it had left the entire house in shambles? Bingo.

I checked out the rest of the house with Armin and Mikasa in tow, though I didn't back up their quiet oohs and aahs at every turn. Jean had bought way too many kegs. And way too many decorations. I mean, why the hell was there a neon green skeleton dangling from the kitchen door? Well, I guess there were things I didn't need to know.

After we'd made our way through the Kirschstein party hell, we got back to the kitchen and helped set up the rest of the things. Filling bowls with every snack known to man, because that was how much he'd bought, putting the expensive breakables out of the line of fire; things like that. Oh, and don't ask me why Jean felt the urge to get a karaoke machine for the night.

"Do people our age even sing karaoke?" I asked him as we were down on our knees trying to make sense of the machine's cable chaos. The device seemed to be from the last century, and that was being charitable.

"A few beers and I bet even your bony ass is up there to belt out the lyrics to One Direction."

"Shut up, idiot. I have a great ass. And I don't listen to One Direction."

"Oh?" he asked in mock surprise. "I wonder how Night Changes made it onto your iPod then. I guess it must have downloaded itself."

I wrenched the cable out of his grasp and tried to maneuver it into the right jack. It didn't work.

"What's way more suspicious is that you know the actual title of the song. So that pretty much solves the question who's gonna sing One Direction tonight, am I right?"

"Fuck you, Jeager."

"It's okay, Jeanbo. I know you like them. And between us, I also know you copy style ideas off of them and I want to tell you that there's nothing wrong with that. I liked the black satin shirt on you."

The black satin shirt had been the fashion faux pas of the school year and Jean was still raw about all the mocking he'd received when he'd made his grand entrance in first period Literature. Which made it a subject I just loved bringing up whenever I got the chance to. Honestly? I really was trying to stifle my laughter at this point but his enraged expression made it impossible.

"We agreed that we wouldn't talk about the black satin shirt anymore! You damn traitor." Jean snorted. He was so pissed. He was also embarrassed, which was a lovely sight.

"Did we? Funny, I don't remember agreeing to that. And now would you please fucking move this damn cord where it belongs? Blue goes into blue, dumbass."

"You are the dumbass, dumbass. The blue one goes into the white jack," he insisted, smacking his shoulder into mine.

"Yeah, because that makes perfect sense." I huffed, smacking him right back.

"You never set up a karaoke machine in your life, so why the hell do you think–OW! God!"

Usually, I'd have found his sudden cry of pain hilarious, if it weren't for me releasing the exact same sound. Which was due to Mikasa's boot in my butt, by the way.

"Will you two stop it already?" she chastised. "We only have about two minutes left until people start showing up, so calm down and get this machine running!"

Continuing to murmur jabs under our breaths, we got back to work. We found that when we actually worked together, setting up the machine was as easy as pie. Not that any of us would admit to that though.

Armin and Mikasa had taken care of the rest and now we were all set just in time to hear the doorbell announce the first set of partygoers.

Two hours later, neither Farlan nor Levi had made an appearance. Although everyone else had. Every room downstairs was filled with people and their friends, waving red plastic cups and talking and dancing their asses off to the music blasting from the sound system. Crossing a room took ten minutes, breathing was damn near impossible. I pushed my way through the crowd to get to the kitchen and my well-deserved second cup of beer, squeezing through the endless throng of warm, sweaty bodies and screamed conversation. There were so many people clapping me on the back, hugging me, talking to me, but I only gave them a brief smile without stopping to make conversation. It was 10 pm and Levi was not here. He was the reason I came and now he was not here. For the past half hour, I'd tried to battle thinking about how disappointed I felt. Now, I just wanted to battle thinking, and the beer keg was going to be my predestined wingman.

The kitchen area was just as crowded as the rest of the house. With a groan, I got in line for the keg and did some people watching while I was at it. On my impossibly drunk scale of 1-10, I'd say most of the people present were at a solid 6. Jean included. He was standing up on the couch table in the living room, hand clutching the karaoke mic as he moaned an absolutely heart-wrenching rendition of Night Changes for his audience. Night Changes. By One Direction. With a laugh, I slipped my phone from my jeans pocket and recorded a one minute video to dangle it under his nose starting the next day. He'd deny this ever happened without solid proof on my part.

The keg line was slow to move and I found my gaze wandering again. Over the girls wiggling their scantily clad butts on the dance floor and the guys grinding into them, to the group of people sitting on the floor in the far corner playing a game of truth or dare. Over Armin, who was talking animatedly to an upperclassman I'd never seen before, to Mikasa, who was tapping away on her phone. My eyes ended up lingering on the entrance door, and as if by magic, it swung open. I didn't bother looking. I knew who I wanted it to be, but I also knew my chances of that happening were vanishingly small. It was my turn at the keg, so I pulled myself a beer. I didn't know what it was that made me look up again, but I'll forever be grateful for it.

Because when I did look up, my eyes landed on Levi. I almost dropped my cup, because suddenly, my heart leapt all the way up in my throat and clogged my windpipe.

"Dude, are you done? There are other people wanting to get wasted tonight," some rando groaned behind me.

I didn't even throw him the dirty look he'd have deserved, I only stepped aside, my eyes still locked on the most beautiful boy in the room. He looked as uncomfortable as I felt with the way he kept behind Farlan and chewed his bottom lip, and he was still the most gorgeous person in a 100 mile radius. He hadn't seen me yet, which was probably a good thing. I had this weird feeling in my gut that as soon as he did, he'd turn on his heel and march straight back out the door. Which didn't deter me from blatantly staring, though. I should hide and ogle him from afar. Any time now. Dammit, why wouldn't my body move?

An utterly awkward little sigh squeezed past the lump in my throat as I ate him up with my eyes. He was wearing a black shirt and his trademark ripped skinny jeans. Also his sleek black undercut and the soft blush on his cheeks. And I knew that under his shirt with the low neckline, he wore the tattoo I'd done for him and the thought made warmth unfurl in my belly.

For the next thirty minutes (or maybe sixty), I made it my personal mission to watch him. I watched him as he followed his friends through the house, I watched him talking to them along with a few other people, I watched him as he navigated his way through the house in search of a bathroom. I watched him squeeze through the rowdy party crowd and bit back an utterly unreasonable bout of jealousy when I realized how many people were touching him when I couldn't.

I must've looked like the crankiest guest ever, nursing my beer and observing Levi with eagle eyes. Ask me how many shits I gave. Yep, zero.

Right now, Farlan and Levi were in the living room, standing way too close for my liking. I knew they were just trying to communicate over the loud music, but still. Still. I pushed myself from my spot against the wall across from them when Farlan left Levi to head to the kitchen. This was my chance to catch Levi alone. Farlan had been plastered to his side all night, and I had no desire to get into another brawl with the tall blonde. One black eye was enough to last me at least five years.

Nerves pulled on my insides while I made my way through a crowd of dancing girls. My eyes were set on Levi, but it took so long to reach him. Too long, because I hadn't even covered half of the way before Farlan reappeared at his side, offering him a red plastic cup. Then he leaned down, and down, and down, until he was so close that his lips brushed Levi's ear when he spoke. And Levi laughed. He laughed, and it was so genuine that I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me whole, because I'd been the one who'd made him laugh like this before… Yeah, before.

Standing stupidly in the middle of the dance floor, I felt two drags on either of my arms and a shout of "Eren, dance with us!" My eyes snapped back to Levi and Farlan and how they were still smiling at each other. That was when I knew I needed to get out of here. I extricated myself from the girls' grip, who I recognized as Sasha and Mina, and gave them an apologetic smile before I took to my heels. My goal was the upstairs bathroom of Jean's place, from which I hoped it would be empty. I just… I needed a break. I climbed the stairs, stumbled, and reached the top floor with a huff. Turning the corner, my eyes latched on the door to my designated safe room. Thank god it was empty. I closed the door behind me and walked inside, sitting down in front of the big bathtub and leaning back against the cool marble. The party's thrum was subdued here. Still noticeable, but dimmed enough to grant me a few minutes of reprieve. I took a swig from my beer, leaning my head back as I swallowed. Maybe I should give up. I knew Levi would've never come here if he wasn't feeling better, which was probably a sign that he was finally moving on from the pain I'd caused him. It was wrong and selfish to drag him back. But… how was I supposed to let go of the only thing I wanted?

There was a soft rasp on the door, and then it creaked open. All I saw at first was black hair and a pale forehead, until gray eyes completed the picture. And I knew. I'd recognize those eyes anywhere, anytime.

"Oh!" Levi said, his face caught in a mix of shock and surprise. Must suck to find your ex here, the pushy jerk who couldn't take no for an answer. "I'm sorry… I didn't know someone was in here. I just–"

"–Needed a break?" I offered.

He stopped in the doorway and turned back to me. Then he nodded.

"Yeah, I get that," I said quietly, because that was the exact same reason I'd come here. "If you're not bothered by me, you're welcome to share my breakroom."

He bit his lip. The struggle was apparent on his features. I expected him to refuse and leave, because why would he stay? His eyes were on me as he tapped his toes. He sighed. "Okay."

At first, he stayed leaned to the doorframe, but then he pushed away and came over to where I was sitting on the floor. I almost choked on the sip of beer I took to cover up my jitters. And then he sat down next to me and I did choke.

We sat there in silence while I racked my brain for something to say. Something casual. I didn't want to address the elephant in the room, and I had a feeling that neither did he. Levi stretched out his toned legs and looked into his cup. As opposed to the yellow piss Jean called decent beer, his drink was clear.

I peered at it and then at him. "What are you drinking? Is that vodka?"

Levi's gaze snapped up to my face as if I'd just asked him to strip in front of me so I could sneak some bills into his lace panties. "Of course not, idiot! It's water."

I bit my lip when I recognized his expression as indignance. It was impossible not to make moon eyes at him when he was so adorably pissed.

"Want a taste of real beer then?" I offered conspiratorially. "Join me in being a bad boy for one night?"

He didn't bother to mask the look of pity he threw at me and dammit, I almost laughed because it was so like him. He was the type of guy to pity you if you thought drinking beer made you a bad boy.

"I think I'm gonna pass. Besides… I know better, Eren. You're not a bad boy. You're just the idiot jock making idiot decisions," he teased.

"Wow, I don't know if I'm more offended you think I'm a jock or an idiot. Probably the jock part." I laughed.

"When we first met I had you down as the popular but brainless jock. You've slightly moved up in my estimation since then." He tilted his head and smirked. "Slightly."

We fell silent for a few moments after that. I took a few swigs from my beer and listened to Levi's breathing. I knew the time he was granting me was limited, and internally, I braced myself for the inevitable goodbye.

"Even jocks can learn and change, you know, " I said quietly, rolling the cup around in my palms. "I'm speaking from personal experience."

"Wow, a clever jock in the flesh? You sound like Trost High's hot stuff," he said. He probably wanted it to sound sarcastic, but the small chuckle that slipped him at the end kind of ruined that.

"Friendly reminder, I am Trost High's hot stuff. And hey, I'm not just a jock. I'm also a bad boy. Best of both worlds here, baby," I said proudly. I also threw in a corny wink for good measure. "Case in point, I have a tattoo."

Okay, that had slipped long before my brain had the chance to edit it. I mean… Best of both worlds? A wink? What the hell is in this dumb beer?

To my surprise (and relief), Levi laughed, but tried to hide the remaining smile behind his hand.

"Oh wow. A real one?" He dropped his hand, which unleashed the full force of his smile on me and heavens, it made my heart soar. After my fuck up of epic proportions, it bordered on a miracle that he was even willing to give me the time of day. The fact that anything I said could still make him smile was positively utopian.

"One hundred percent real. Wanna see?"

About a second ago, I'd still remembered how the basic machinations of breathing worked. Now I needed to relearn. I couldn't believe what I was saying and why it felt so… natural.

I'd been yearning for this conversation forever and now that I was having it, I didn't want it to end. The thing was that this was thin ice I was treading on. One misstep could get Levi to leave and I'd have absolutely no valid argument to hold him back. Actually, I wouldn't have been surprised if I'd accomplished just that by bringing up the tattoo. And yet Levi did surprise me when he tilted his head to look at me, his gray eyes dropping down to the spot I wore my tattoo before snapping back up.

"You know what? Actually, I do wanna see."

I choked on absolutely nothing, my eyes turning the size of one of the huge bath bombs Levi loved so much.

"R-Really?" I stammered. "Y-You mean, you… I… Really?"

Levi nodded. He rested his elbow on his knee, chin propped on his hand as he continued to watch me. Maybe he was expecting me to back down because let's be honest, backing down would be the right thing to do. But Levi knew better than that. He knew me. More than anyone else.

"Hold my beer," I said dramatically, offering him my plastic cup. He took it, but only after rolling his eyes at me in mock annoyance. The chuckle that escaped him was very much real though.

If I was going to do this, I was going to do it right, so instead of gingerly lifting my shirt to expose a strip of my skin, I grabbed the hem and pulled it over my head. The expression Levi made excited me just as much as it hurt me. His lip was tucked away beneath his teeth, his eyes heavy-lidded and glossy. I knew this expression. I'd seen it countless times before. It was the face he made just a second before we ended up wasting the night away doing nothing but kiss and taste and feel.

There were no words to describe how badly I wanted to prolong this moment; the sizzling tension between us as Levi's gaze kissed my bare chest, the way our breathing picked up at the exact same time. The way his cheeks dusted the faintest shade of pink, the way he leaned in just enough to make our shoulders brush.

In the end, I knew it wasn't real, but I ignored that in favor of the beautiful illusion we had going on. I leaned back to pull my jeans down, not all the way obviously, but just enough to expose my hip bones and along with it, the inches of inked skin that meant the world to me.

"So..." I gulped. This was harder than I thought. "Pretty cool, huh?"

Levi reached out for me and had my whole body stiffening with it. I wanted him to touch me. Just a brief flicker of his fingers against my skin would be enough.

He bit his lip, his fingers wiggling slightly. Then he looked up. "May I?" It was nothing more than a whisper and I was lost.

I nodded, eyes fluttering shut when he closed the distance and ran the pads of his fingers over the wings he'd gifted to me.

"Hm," he hummed thoughtfully, "This is great work. A pro must've done that for you."

I opened my eyes, my gaze latching onto him. His lips twitched briefly and then he pulled his hand back. The sense of loss was immediate. He met my eyes and something he saw in them brought the smile back to his lips.

"Yes," I breathed, "He's... magic."

Levi said nothing, but I read everything I needed to know in those gorgeous gray eyes of his. The way he looked at me, the way I looked at him. It felt just like it used to feel–before the heartbreak, before the tears, before losing each other. When I leaned into him, he didn't back away. When we were close enough to taste each other's breath, he didn't tell me to stop. It was a hit or miss situation and I was going all out with nothing to back me up. My hands stuck to my lap like glue, not daring to venture out and touch him. He tilted his head slightly, eyes blinking once before he closed them on a soft exhale of air. I leaned in another inch. Where our shoulders had been brushing just so earlier, they were pressed flush to each other now.

I wanted to kiss him.

In truth, it was not so much a question of want as it was a question of need. I needed to kiss him, right here in the cluttered upstairs bathroom of Jean's house with the cool marble of the bathtub at our backs.

My hand came up to touch his face, thumb caressing the blush on his cheek. "Levi," I whispered.

His name left me on a warm whoosh of air, making Levi shiver when it met his lips. He knew how close I was and probably what I was about to do, and yet still, he stayed where he was. Not moving back an inch. It was out of line to kiss him, but with him being so close, I really didn't have much of a choice. I cupped his face and brought him in for a kiss, my heart beating a mile a minute. I was waiting for the incomparable feeling of his lips on mine, of him pouring his warmth into me with just a single stroke of his tongue.

Call it the worst timing in the world, or maybe call it justice, but it never came. Before I had the chance to kiss Levi back into my life, a resounding knock on the bathroom door split the quietness inside.

"Uh, hello? Sorry to interrupt, but I really need to use the bathroom."

Whoever was on the other side of that door sounded absolutely desperate. Not that I cared. I just wanted to strangle him.

Levi had jolted and backed away from me, his eyes wide. He looked shocked, though I couldn't decipher if it was because of me or because of himself.

"Hello?" the guy outside drawled again. "Can I come in now? Please."

Levi didn't meet my eyes as he shook his trance and gathered his bearings. Then he stood. I'd been this close to kissing him and now I was supposed to leave this room and act like it never happened? The knocking got louder, along with the pleading from the guy, but I ignored it.

"Levi, wait." I wrapped my fingers around his arm to stop him. "Are we… are you okay? I'm sorry if I…" I trailed off when I realized I didn't want to apologize for what had just almost happened between us.

He turned back and gave me… a shrug. A shrug, along with a sad smile. I'd have expected anything, even a slap to the face or a kick to my balls, but not this.

"Damn you and your clever jock charm," Levi said with a soft smile and a gentle shake of his head. "And here I thought I was going to be the first person in history who's able to resist."

His gaze held mine and then he turned to leave the bathroom. The guy outside released a plethora of thanks and stormed inside, only to stop in his tracks when he laid eyes on me.

"Dude, are you…"

Yeah, I was still shirtless and he was apparently coherent enough to put two and two together.

"Half-naked?" I cut him off. "Yes. I am."

Hazy realization lit up his eyes. "Man, I'm really sorry…"

I sighed in defeat and picked up my shirt to slip it over my head. I wasn't paying attention to the guy's drunk apologies anymore. My sights were set on where Levi had gone, because that's where I would go.