A/N i hope this makes up for my 'distracted' chapter i had uploaded before and to be fair its too basic and it cuts corners, so i'll be improving on that last chapter which may set me back a few but on that note i'd like to thank you all for the reassuring comments really made my week :D. i came across something in future 'prime' episodes on wiki its listed as 'legacy' and optimus and megatron are fighting over a 'legendary' weapon... mine came first lol XP and i'm sticking to that story :P ... ah well i'm sure i can find some way around it ;) as you guys as my witness i shall find a way! :D

Out of the past

I sat on the stairs as i observed the activity before me, i'm still deaf unfortunately though i could tell what was happening between miko and bulkhead without the use of words, yes bulkhead is slowly recovering but at least he's out of stasis.

Miko from her expression, her body language and the use of sign language she was engaging in some serious rehabilitation with bulkhead as he wearily took small and struggling steps in straight line though he collapsed from being pushed too much, miko looked as though she were scolding him then ratchet placed an arm around his shoulder as he helped him to the med table for some rest.

My mind wandered at this point thoughts of before sunk in, such as back fired revenge and injured friends...

Ellen 13 years old

I was coming home from school, bumblebee had picked me up though i was anxious for him to hurry up, "you don't think telling my problems at school could've distracted him do you?" at that time my voice was slightly breaking as from time to time i would squeak.

"It's not your fault Ellen these things happen; prime can take a measly hit from starscream." Bumblebee said reassuringly.

"But it wasn't just a 'measly' hit; something always goes wrong when i don't worry." I said as we pulled up to the nest base, i literally pushed against bumblebees doors as he finally let me out, i was about to run in there till bee placed a hand on my shoulder.

"You can't help him by running into med bay you know; you'll be too much of a distraction for him." He said a hard truth but true it was.

"I know." I said accepting that truth.

"I'd stay but..." he started.

"Its fine bee, I'd prefer you to be with Sam anyway, i don't want anyone else being harmed as well." She said.

"Don't worry about it too much, he'll be fine." He said for one last time before transforming and speeding back from where we'd drove from.

I stood there for a moment, i know this what to be expected but the thought of it happening... i can't concentrate at school i gaze out the window in thoughts of him of all of them, i start to think of all the things that could go wrong but i also think of all the strategies they use, and i doodle these theories on my algebra much to the delight of my teacher, and they show there concern as i'm slightly failing in certain subjects.

I finally managed to walk into base, a few human soldiers were present going through reports as usual and there were some training with the autobots, those who were present at the moment were sideswipe, jolt and the twins. The twins were not really training and instead were fighting, i would usually watch but this time i ignored it and instead went down the hallway where the autobot quarters were; in my sight was ironhide standing outside Ratchets quarters with Eve...my best friend.

Ironhide approached me, "how you coping?" he said slightly looming over me.

"I'm not." I said solemnly eve then approached me as she hugged me surprisingly, she had just turned fifteen and she would always remind me as she felt like she was my senior or something.

"No worries squeaker, he'll be fine i mean look at him he's such a big lug that missile barely covered him." She said trying to add some light humour.

"Eve, have you ever thought about becoming an undertaker?" i added to the humor though my smile was fake.

"Funny, but seriously he'll be fine." She said turning softer in tone.

"Yeah sure, though i wish i could return the favor to starscream." I said bitterly.

"No use in thinking that way, prime won't get any better if starscream was terminated or not." Ironhide added his thoughts.

"So dad gets injured and starscream flies out of this unscratched?" i said my voice slightly rising in volume.

"He'll get what's coming to him one day." He said as his cannons slightly hummed.

"Ellen?"

"Huh?" i said shaking my head as i was brought back to the present time. "I heard that. It was muffled like if you were under water but i heard it!"

I looked up as dad expressed a worried look at me, "you have not been acting your usual behavior, is something troubling you?" he said, again it was muffled but i could hear it.

"I guess all that has happened in the past few days has become overwhelming." I said.

"It seems others can agree with you." He said motioning to a huffing miko who stormed past us up the stairs and to the elevator, she was still angry.

I rubbed my eyes as i had not slept since we boarded the nemesis; dad knelt down to me as he placed a hand under my chin, "you need to rest." He said.

"I will, just not now." I said.

"Yes now, i will inform you of any change if that is the reason you stay." He said.

"You better." I jested as i made my way towards my room, no point in arguing since i'm too tired to even attempt it. i could here muffled voices and sounds around me now, my hearing may return after all never have i been more uplifted to hear the sound of a moaning ratchet.

Though i doubt miko is feeling any kind of relief...

I huffed as i went outside of base, Eve following close behind, as i started to sob quietly, "Hey it'll be okay Ellen." Eve said rubbing my back.

"I-i just don't understand why won't they go after starscream?" i said confused.

Eve shrugged, "maybe we couldn't get starscream but maybe we could take something from them as payment for what they did." She said brushing a finger under her chin in thought.

"Like what?" i asked.

"I heard them talking about an energon mine not far from here but due to Optimus falling to injury they've postponed it...by then they could've sucked the whole place dry but i think they said its empty at the moment." She said.

"What are you saying?" i asked.

"I'm saying instead of letting them mine all that energon, lets blow the whole mine instead before they have a chance." She said.

"B-blow the mine?" i asked slightly bewildered.

"Yeah, energon is highly explosive right? Well all we need is a small explosive with a bit of fire power and the whole place will blow." She said thinking it all out there and then.

"Like what?" i asked.

"Like say a grenade? Sure it's primitive to their standards but it's a classic, we go in, throw in the grenade, go back out, and then boom we..." she started.

"Are even." I finished as i followed the plan.

"See, now we're on the right train of thought." She said as we low fived each other.

"So where is this mine?" i asked eve as we trailed through a forest, the mine was close but eve had dragged us through rivers, muddy fields and now a damp forest but the thought of putting a dent in the decepticons energon supply pushed me on.

"Just past these trees." She said.

It was very out in the middle of nowhere, unexplored. The area was very dense; many would have easily missed the mine if they weren't trying to look for it specifically. Outside the mine it was empty there were no guards as eve had said it would be, so we both continued towards it.

"Let's go check out what it looks like from inside." I said as eve nodded.

There were many rocks inside and they would come in handy as it turns out they were decepticons inside, and they were already deep in refined energon.

"Guess what i heard was wrong." Eve said as we peered around a rock. "Forget it then lets head back Ellen." She added lightly pulling on my top.

I heard her but i didn't pay attention as a new decepticon came into sights one that was uniquely different then your common vehicon, Starscream, here close to home. "Eve give me the grenade, I've got this." I said with fixed vision on starscream.

"What do you mean we can't do his now, there are decepticons presence." she said.

Looking at starscream it made me boil how is it that his life of grovelling and ignorance has gotten him so far? Causing insufferable things upon others who they themselves have worked every day of their life just to start at the bottom of the ladder only to be terminated by him?

"Ellen?"

How can such a pig headed con cause so much suffering for others? Families, friends, Dad. My breathing increased, and i felt myself feel hot, his eyes showed that of no regret, content with his life though ambitious, he wasn't anything to admire, so why not bring upon him revenge that many who have fallen victim to his actions have vowed before?

"Ellen?"

Instead of blowing the energon mine why not take down starscream? I held the grenade in my hand as i was about to the pin out. Though i felt this way i couldn't control my shaking when holding onto the grenade, a side of me was telling me not to do it.

"Ellen!"

"What?!" i said in a hissed whisper whipping my head around to her.

"What's wrong with you?" she said looking me over with concern.

I looked at the grenade then to eve, "i'm going for Starscream eve."

"We can't murder starscream in cold blood, granted it's something i would do but this isn't you." She said.

"I don't see it as cold blood." I said.

"Look i know your angry but killing is never justified you know that, besides what if you were to destroy starscream, the decepticons will take an autobots live in exchange for that mainly a more powerful autobot since starscream is the second in command." She said.

I looked at the grenade then to eve and lowered my arm, "hold on you were the one who suggested we blow up the mine." i said.

"Yeah but there are cons here, i must've misheard the others talking i thought it would be empty." She said.

I gripped the grenade in a shaky manner, for once eve was the voice of reason and she was right I'd be endangering the autobots if i were to destroy starscream, "Let's just...go home." I said slightly frustrated, i threw my arms down wearily in defeat, when will he get what's coming to him?

"he thought i would be strong on my word but as soon as he turned around i shot him in the side, i thought I'd be creative after all his side fall was humorous." I heard starscream speak and that alone brought out the anger again.

"So naive to think i wouldn't seize the opportunity, i wouldn't be surprised if he was dead by now." He finished.

I spun around and scaled the tallest rock i could find, my breathing turned to animal like growls as i scraped the dirt deep into my finger nails i ripped the pin out with my teeth as i threw back my arm, "you bastard!" i screamed as i threw my arm forward.

"Ellen!" i heard eve yell, though i didn't move i breathed heavily as starscream put both arms in front of his face to shield himself though it wouldn't do any real harm the exploding energon would see to that.

I felt eve grab my arm as she dragged me down the rock, she then took us back towards the entrance as i looked back with a blank expression on my face, "Ellen snap out of it!" eve yelled, "run with me!" she screamed.

It was all like slow motion the grenade had exploded on impact of starscream followed by an explosion of energon, the mixture of both caused a huge wall of fire as it pursued us at lightning speed it would hit us both if we don't get out of the mine and after blankly focusing on the destruction of starscream, that reality hit me as i screamed. Eve then spun me around in her arms as she dived to the side as we exited, the explosion threw itself out of the mine like dragon breath as it descended back inside like a wave in moments.

Both me and eve were face down in the grass, I looked behind me as starscream came flying out thankfully he didn't see us and was more focused on his life than anything else, i couldn't help but feel frustrated he wasn't even scratched.

"E-Ellen" then came a weary voice; i then looked to my side, what was before me made me lift myself up slowly in shock as i looked upon eve her back as well as a small fraction of her face had second degree burns, the cloths on her back were burned into her skin, her body shook uncontrollably and though she was smiling at me she grit her teeth in response to the unbearable pain i could not even imagine she was going through.

I felt a panic rise as i couldn't believe what had happened to her i then launched myself at her side as i hovered my hands over her trembling in fear i didn't want to move her in case i made it worse, "E-Eve? D-Don't worry i-I'll contact the others." I said half smiling at her.

"Nah i'm fine doesn't hurt at a..." eve's body then suddenly fell limp without warning.

"E-Eve?" i said, "Eve? Eve? Eve?! Eve!" i panicked as i turned her over on her front as i leaned my face into her open mouth...she wasn't breathing, and then i tried her wrist...very weak. "Uh uh okay think first aid uh resuscitation." I said, i then pressed two hands on her chest, "1, 2,3,4,5..." i counted.

"Eve p-please don't die, don't die eve!" i practically screamed tears fell down my face at a fast rate as she wasn't responding. She wasn't responding! I buried myself into her neck as i held onto her and cried louder "i don't know what to do!" i screamed, a sudden large hand came around my waist as it tried to pull me away, "No! No!" i screamed as i held onto eve.

"Let go Ellen!" thundered Ratchet as the sheer shock alone made me let go, he placed me on the floor as a human medic came into sight he must've travelled with him.

I tried to see what he was doing but ratchet kept pushing me to one side with his hand, "what's happening?!" i screamed.

No one answered me; i run both my hands through my hair as i couldn't believe what was happening, "I've killed my best friend! Oh god what have i done?!" I screamed in my head as i fell to my knees.

"Okay she's stabilised but we need to get her into the med bay now!" the human medic said, ratchet transformed as the medic carried eve into the back.

"Eve!" i yelled as i was about to follow in after her.

"Ellen get in now!" ratchet ordered, i did as he said as i jumped into the front.

I looked behind me as i tried looking past the wall that cut off my vision of Eve i then looked to the front as I cried hard into my hands, "I'm so stupid to react to starscream comments like that! There were words only and because of that Eve is injured badly! We should've just left like eve had said, why didn't i listen?!"

Arriving on base we came to a hard stop as i leapt out of Ratchets cab the medic team was already waiting as the one holding eve rushed alongside them as they got her into the med bay, ironhide was there too constantly watching eve, i did this to him...i'm not supposed to be here.

I ran... i ran across the huge open area and kept going i can't believe I've done this to her!

I had continued to run blindly across the base until i realized i was knee deep in sea water, i stepped back in response as i crouched down putting head between knees as i just cried... and cried.

I was there for about an hour as i looked at the light waves; my eyes were red and sore though i didn't stop crying even though it would help no one.

"Ellen." I then heard behind me, i know the voice to be dad so i didn't look at him, merely flinched as i was so ashamed to be in his presence.

He walked closer towards me as he now stood at my side i could here that with every step one of his legs make a loud creaking sound from the injury he had sustained, "Eve is stable, she will be fine." He said i shifted my head lightly in response to that reliving news.

"Thank god." I said under my breath.

In the corner of my eye i saw dad trying to make eye contact with me but i merely moved my head away the more he tried to do so.

"You do not wish to look at me?" he said.

"I don't deserve to." I answered with.

"Your actions were...unwise." he said though he was probably just saying that to not seem harsh. "But it was a mistake."

"My actions...my emotional, reckless actions nearly cost eve her life! It isn't just a mistake, mistakes are when you mishear someone or when you let the dog of its lead by accident, they are mistakes this is a crime! What friend am i to put her in harm's way like that? She was the one who had to convince me to pull out of the whole thing, but a slip of starscreams voice box and i was driven again and i only have myself to blame." I said turning away to the sea again.

"I have said this to many that wisdom cannot be granted it must be earned, sometimes at a cost." He said sitting himself down by the shore next to me.

"I should have known better." I said.

"You never expect to find yourself in these kinds of situations for you never know how you will react, to speak of how you will act is only a predicament but to be put into the situation itself... these things can only be learned." He said.

"I can't even bring myself to look at you; i'm your shame." I said.

He then reached down to me, open handed, "please." I said stopping him, "don't pick me up." I said rather coldly.

Instead he put a hand around my back, "you will never be my shame, only pride." He said, honeyed words aren't going to help this time dad.

I looked at him briefly as he was smiling at me with sympathy, "how can you even look at me that way?" i asked screwing my face up.

"You are being too hard on yourself, you must remember you are still young, mistakes will be made but you learn from the experience and that is what makes us grow." He said.

"I learned something alright, and from that i will never ever endanger anyone else's lives through my own selfish desires." I said.

"Eve has been asking of you." He then said.

"Why?" i said confused.

Dad shook his head lightly, "you are her friend." He said.

After a long stare I stood up wearily as i stumbled back slightly dad set me right as i put myself in the direction of the base, "base is half a mile away." He said hinting.

"I'll just walk, thank you." I said stubbornly.

"Very well." He said as he then scooped me up from the ground making me yelp slightly. "Do not be so disheartened, what is done is done we cannot linger on what could or could not have happened, we have to learn to live with it only then can we continue on with our lives." He said.

I started crying again i had the urge to, dad nuzzled me as i cried consistently, "Time is a healer and that is all you need, so give yourself time, you will see."

In the med bay Eve lay on the table as she was hooked up with many wires but she was awake and her personality hadn't been knocked down either, "hey munchkin! Where have you been? I've wanted to see you." She said happily.

Being the emotional wreck that i was at the time i burst into tears again as i ran by her side i flopped my head onto the med table as i buried my head, i felt eve pat my head, "hey come on now, what's wrong?" she said.

"Eve i'm so sorry! You nearly died because of me and i don't deserve to be your friend for doing this to you!" i wailed.

"Ellen don't be so melodramatic, i don't care if you cut my limb off by accident I'd still put up with ya." She said.

"Don't you get it!" i screamed, "how can you be so forgiving?!" i said.

"Ellen you're my friend, friends forgive each other especially for mistakes, if you were in my position would you hate me?" she said.

"No of course not, but you probably wouldn't have..." i started.

"shh, no that wasn't the question just leave it at that and stop thinking you're the only one who thinks like you do, if ironhide was shot down by starscream and i was in your position i would've thrown that grenade down his throat, you're not a bad person for reacting like that it was a natural emotion." She said.

"It should have been controlled." I sniffed as i brushed of tears with a sleeve, "i would hug you but i don't want to hurt you." I said.

"You can hug my hand if you want." She jested.

I did just that without question, i buried my face into her living self, i slightly brought eye contact with ironhide when doing so but then ducked back down again, "it's okay Ellen, i'm not mad at you, but you were both in the wrong for going in the first place!" he scolded as we both flinched, "but I'm just glad your both alive and eve's wounds will heal...let's just put this behind us shall we?" he said more calmly.

"I'm sorry ironhide i really am." I said.

"Come here." He said motioning for me to come over to him.

I wandered to him aimlessly as he picked me up in an abrupt manner, "we've all made mistakes, even now at my age you can still make mistakes that's the experience of life...no one can truly achieve perfection but if they was such thing as perfection you'd only achieve it through learning which means making mistakes." He said.

"Since when were you so deep in words ironhide?" i jested lightly.

"Only when i'm feeling a bit over emotional." He said motioning to eve's bed ridden state.

I grinned at his attempted subtlety.

Present Time

I lay in bed staring at the ceiling as i thought about that time, dad then popped his head around the door way, "thanks for knocking." I said.

"You are not sleeping?" he said concerned.

"I'm thinking about past events." I said as he walked in closer to my bedside. "You know that time when starscream shot you in the side?"

"Recent events have brought on these thoughts i believe?" he said knowing everything as usual.

"Yeah...hey dad do you think i'm 'lecturing'?" i asked suddenly.

"No, i believe you are frightened for your friends, and that fear can sometimes become more dominant." He said.

"I guess i can get carried away sometimes." I said.

"Show your concern just keep it down to a minimum so it doesn't control you." He said.

"Hmmm." I said.

"Do not question who you are and do not try to change yourself, i find you rather endearing, but if i were to point out a flaw it would be that of your lack of obedience." He said.

"Are you attempting humour?" i said forcing out a puffed laugh.

"It is what i have learned from constant direct contact with you." He said.

"Okay your going for a second...it is funny but it's kind of like a cross between 'ha ha' funny and 'uncomfortable' funny, the kind that makes your expression both smiling and creeped out." I said i then changed to a serious tone "How's miko?" i asked.

"She is slowly getting back to her normal self from much encouragement from Arcee." He said.

"Arcee? Encouraging? Next you'll be telling me that Ratchet is making pop cultural references." I laughed. I felt my ear lightly pop as everything suddenly sounded so crystal clear i put my hands on my ears surprised.

"I see that you are back in a normal state of mind too." He said raising an eyebrow at me.

"Hey! I can hear again!" i then announced glancing over his last comment.

"What do you mean you can hear again?" he said tilting his head.

"It doesn't matter now, i can hear, holy crap it's a miracle!" i announced as i ran out of my bedroom suddenly as an ounce of adrenaline kicked in.

Dad quickly pursued, "wait, when did you lose the ability to hear?" he asked from behind as i jumped about in the hallway taking in every ambient sound that echoed.

"Soundwave made me deaf!" i announced happily jumping up and down still, and then i suddenly hit the floor just as fast as i turned weary, "y-yaiiii i-i c-can hearrrrrr." I said struggling to raise a triumphant fist in the air.

"When did you encounter soundwave?" dad asked sternly.

"Zzz" was my response.

A/N dude's the new episode was bitching :D and i like smokescreen first thing that popped in my head when he was called the newby was to point at him and whoop "noobnoobnoobnoob!" but still poor bulkhead :( the ending was especially depressing as he dragged himself down the hallway... someone give the bot a hug! anyway hope you guys continue to R + R as i love your comments ;D

P.S HAPPY 40th CHAPTER FREE HAPPY FACE FOR ALL! (:D) Free for one Happy face