The Space Between Stars

by VinVenture12

Kylo Ren has been humiliated by the scavenger and is now hunting her for retribution. He delves deeper into the depths of darkness along his journey, while Rey soars closer to the light. Strangers on opposite sides of a war, but bound together through their destinies. Both will do whatever it takes to survive, but who will come out victorious? Slow Reylo. Post TFA, Later M rating

19. Chapter 19

Thanks for all the reviews, follows, and faves! I apologize that it has taken me a couple weeks to update. I had comic con over the weekend and had to prep for my costume I was wearing. Also getting ready to move, so I have been doing a lot of cleaning. Things should be smooth sailing from now on though! I am eager to write the chapters that are ahead because they are some of the ones I first envisioned for the story (chapter 12 falls under that category). ilovekyloren: I am a huge fan of Reylo as well, but I also love character development and adding more dimensions to the characters. I'm happy you feel the same way! I try to update as fast as I can, so hopefully the book will be done before you know it! Thanks! MaelsiC: Hahahaha! The joke was clever and made me laugh! Thank you! I can always use a joke to brighten my day. Her learning from him through the bond is a way for her to kinda fast track her skill level, but Ben wont always let her do it. She has to learn some things on her own! lol. Guest: I wish the book was done to, trust me. Yeah, Ren has his own sense of "mercy," which is not very dark side appropriate. But he will still kill someone brutally if the need called for it. You will see what I mean in a future chapter... And I did want Poe to point out that he is not as lost as he would think. Over the course of the next few chapters, things start catching up to Ren and he will have to face them. He is very much an addict to pain and power, and we will see his journey in finding a middle ground for himself. Who is the girl, you ask? Who indeed... :) She is an integral part to the story. Garden Guru: Yes, Kylo is a wee bit controlling, but Rey is learning how to stand up to him. Kylo is partly right on how Snoke accessed her mind and, in a way, since Kylo has a small connection with Snoke, so does Rey across their bond now. But there is something else. There is a little more detail on it in this chapter, but not the whole explanation. SheLitAFire: Slow burns are the best! Especially with these two characters. It would annoy me sometimes with how fast they would really get together and I wanted to do mine differently. Start with mutual respect, then friendship and understanding, and then onto deeper things. So, just so everyone knows, this story is very much a rough draft. There will be misspellings and grammatical errors that I miss and I do apologize for them. I do not have a beta, so I am trying to do this on my own. I can see what you mean about the dialogue in the beginning, and I do plan on going back and changing it once the book is done. Kylo Ren is the only character whom I try to write formal dialogue for because that is how he talks in the Force Awakens novelization. I can get so caught up with editing already existing chapters that I stop writing the current one. So, when it is all done, I am gonna go back and edit the hell out of them. Then post the story on AO3. With that being said, it makes me happy that you see how I drop plot points early on and then revisit them. It helps the story feel more mature and real. And trust me, your misspellings do not bother me. lol. Poe being put in the mix was to help pace Reylo better, but he is also used so we can see how Ren interacts with someone who is not Rey. As for other characters being Force sensitive... we shall see... lol. I am thinking the book will be between 40 to 50 chapters. I have a lot planned. :) CalistaLegaci: In a way, there is something akin to friendship happening between Poe and Ren. I'm glad you noticed that! And thanks so much for the compliment. I hope you like this chapter!

Thanks again for all the reviews! It seriously brightens my day to hear from any one of you. Even if it's just a sentence. Anyway, onto the chapter!

Chapter Nineteen

Hux tapped his thumbs together while his clasped hands rested on the sleek, circular table. The small chamber's air was cold and still, but the rambling of the hologram projections gave life to the taciturn atmosphere. Each projection showed a face at a spot above the table, the faces of the High Command of the First Order. It was an organization that was not widely known of, but still held formidable power behind a lot of the Order's tactical decisions.

Some of the members were from the days of the Empire, which made them old and jaded in the eyes of General Hux. While he idolized the Empire and all that it stood for, certain ways it had been operated had not been full-proof, evidenced by Darth Vader's betrayal and the progression of the Rebellion as being a formidable opponent in the end.

Hux stared at the has-beens with animosity, for they were the ones who lost the battle at Jakku and caused the remnants of the Empire to go into hiding. His father, Brendol, was giving a weekly report on the current operations of the stormtrooper program. It was all mostly the same drabble week to week: more children taken, the curriculum being polished, and the 'accidental' death toll for that week. He was sure his father just killed off the weakling children, making it appear to be nothing more than a mishap. When Armitage had overseen the school, he had the feeble younglings executed outright, never trying to hide the fact that he ordered it. His father, though, always preferred anonymity.

As long as the strong survived and Hux had more than capable soldiers at his command, Brendol could keep with his ways. Besides, someone had to directly overlook the program, and since Armitage had been promoted to General, he was too busy fighting the Resistance. Fortunately, at the end of the day, Brendol still answered to his son, and that gave Armitage immense satisfaction in his highly ranked status.

Even with his father producing sufficient soldiers, Hux still detested the man. Why can't he just die already. Brendol hadn't been looking good for some time now, and the cough that currently plagued him just kept getting worse. The white hair, sun spotted skin, and bumpy nose was not appealing to stare at, and Hux wished for natural selection to take its course and for his father to finally die of old age. Someone else was always eagerly awaiting their turn at greatness, so Hux knew finding a replacement for his father would not be difficult. If the Supreme Leader hadn't been the one to appoint his father over the program, Armitage would have booted him out long ago.

"What is the current status on locating Kylo Ren?" Admiral Rae Sloane – a dark skinned, hard eyed woman that spoke with more direction than tact – pointed her question at General Hux.

The Finalizer was still hovering over Spira, and all the High Command members had been informed of what had transpired at the city of Khalon through Cato Ren's report.

Hux's annoyance rose at Sloane's redundant inquiry. The last thing he wanted to discuss was how Ren and the scavenger rat had slipped past them. He'd already received a rather unpleasant lecture about it from the Supreme Leader.

"You know we have all our resources searching for the traitor. Nothing has changed since you've received your report, Admiral Sloane. Leave the hunt for Kylo Ren to me." Hux shut the admiral down and turned his attention to an unusually quiet Carise Sindian. "Carise, what is the status on the Centrist planets joining the First Order?"

Carise had been tasked with persuading certain systems to join the new government. So far, she had snagged a few, but Hux was needing the numbers to be higher. By conversing with the leaders of a certain planet, it gave off the impression that they still had some semblance of control over their world, when in reality, they did not. If they outright refused to give their allegiance, then Hux would take it by force.

Carise's face was smooth and refined as she gave her sophisticated smile to a group of people who did not care so much for fake pleasantries. "Hevurion has agreed to align themselves with the First Order, but... Coruscant is being difficult. They want to negotiate a neutrality deal during this whole conflict with the Resistance, which I keep telling them is not possible. They were close to joining, but with the destruction of Starkiller, they've grown comfortable with staying on the sidelines. We might have to just take the planet through military means."

Various members offered their opinions on how to handle the Core World planet, but Hux remained silent. Unleashing his troopers onto the world was of no consequence to him and he knew that with Coruscant, a military takeover was probably how it was going to go.

No... Hux was studying Carise's poised expression and well-mannered demeanor. From growing up together, Armitage knew how to tell if Carise was hiding something. She never was good at trying to hide her defiance behind the faux facade of cooperation.

"Admiral Sloane." Hux interrupted the group. "You will aid Carise in gaining the loyalties of the Core Worlds. We need all of them to join the First Order, not just a few."

"But General –"

"Is there a problem, Carise?" All evidence of propriety disappeared from her face as her holoprojection gave Hux a fiery stare. After a few short moments, Carise conceded to Hux's direct order. Luckily, Sloane kept her mouth shut on the matter.

A message dinged on his datapad and he tore his eyes from Carise to glance down, seeing that it was from Lieutenant Mitaka. Cato, the Knight of Ren that been on Khalon, was done speaking with the Supreme Leader and was ready to see him.

Hux stood and straightened his uniform. "We'll reconvene this meeting tomorrow. If any of you fail in your assignments, you answer to Supreme Leader Snoke. Remember that." He grabbed the datapad and exited the room with his head held high.

As he walked through the sleek hallways, his thoughts were propelled back to when he had spoken to the Supreme Leader after the loss of Starkiller base. Hux had been fully prepared to be executed for his short comings in defending the weapon, and had been shocked to find he was still breathing after the long lecture. Hux chalked up Leader Snoke's mercy to the secret weapon on Jakku, for if Starkiller had been the only weapon in their arsenal, his body would have been drifting off into space by now.

At least that tree has been destroyed. Supreme Leader seemed to have been satisfied with that news.

He walked into a small meeting room, the door closing behind him as he clasped his hands behind his back. Cato was sporting the usual dead expression the man loved to wear. While the knight was shorter than Hux, he had a considerable amount of bulk and muscle for being middle aged. The dark hair and olive toned skin was starting to wrinkle and sag and Hux wondered how much longer Cato could keep fighting at peak performance.

Hux kept his voice low, but harsh. "You told me that you'd find Ren quickly and dispose of him."

Hux rarely ever meddled in the affairs of the Knights of Ren, but their goals seemed to have aligned recently and Hux decided to capitalize on their disdain for their master. He knew having Ren killed went directly against Supreme Leader's order, but no one but Hux and the knights seemed to understand how much of a liability the bastard was.

The knight glared at him, but remained still. "I will. The girl was a worthy opponent and took me off guard. Next time, I'll account for her abilities and kill them both."

"Ren is our primary target. Whether the girl lives or dies, it doesn't matter. I don't want you thinking you have a score to settle with her now. Do what you promised, and I will make sure the Supreme Leader puts you at the head of the Knights of Ren."

The knight tensed his eyes. "It's difficult to find him first when you have a myriad of bounty hunters searching for him. If that one hadn't have found them, Ren would be decomposing by now."

"I have to keep up the appearance that I'm trying to apprehend him, not kill him." Seriously, Hux felt like he was lecturing a child when he talked to this man. Is having one brain cell a prerequisite for joining the Knights of Ren?

"And when he is dead, how will you explain it to the Supreme Leader?" Cato asked.

"I know how to make a death appear like an accident." Thanks to Brendol.

Cato took a step closer to the general, trying to come off intimidating, but all it did was annoy Hux further. "If any information comes up, you tell me first before the bounty hunters."

"Yes, I do remember our arrangement." The knight nodded and walked past Hux to exit the tight room.

"Before you go," Hux began to say, the knight halting before reaching the doorway, "I need one of your knights to look into something for me."

Cato gave him a look of disdain. "We don't take orders from you."

Hux ignored his defiance. "This matter could concern you and your efforts in finding Ren." The knight glared, waiting for him to continue. "Have one of them look into Carise Sindian and see what she is up to."

"You want one of us to look into an aristocrat? That would take time away from finding Ren." Technically, Carise was no longer an aristocrat, but he could see why the knight would think so. Hux chose not to correct the man on the matter. He didn't need the conversation to become more tense.

"Carise has a certain… grudge against Leia Organa. I wouldn't put it past her if she were trying to find Ren for her own reasons." The knight furrowed his brow in contemplation before finally accepting Hux's request.

"I'll assign one knight to tail her, but I won't have him following her for long."

"Just a quick search is all I ask." If Carise was playing her own game without his knowledge, Hux would be furious. The last thing he needed was for her to get in the way of his goals.

The knight left when Phasma suddenly appeared in the entryway.

"Sir." Hux could see his partial reflection in her shining armor. "New contraband has been found among the stormtroopers." Hux exhaled, feeling irritated over the insubordination of his inferiors. It wasn't uncommon to find some contraband every now and then, but ever since FN-2187 defected, more of it kept showing up.

"What is it this time?"

"Somehow, one of them was able to stream the HoloNet onto a datapad." That gave Hux pause. Any form of entertainment or ways to connect with anyone outside the First Order was strictly forbidden. The only way to keep the troopers working like a well oiled machine was to not let their minds stray from what they were made to do.

Hux pursed his lips, but kept his voice calm. "Execute all that have been in contact with the datapad."

"Yes sir." Phasma pivoted and left Hux alone with his fuming thoughts. He needed to wrangle in this flagrant disobedience that was spreading among the soldiers before it caught any real traction.

Maybe making the executions a mandatory viewing will stop them from defying the rules.

()()()()()

Finn sat at a small, square table, his eyes roaming over the white walls and the blaring lights overhead. It had taken longer than he'd expected to get this meeting. He was only allowed to talk to one stormtrooper, but he was still thankful that Admiral Statura pushed the council into clearing this interaction.

Footsteps could be heard outside the door and Finn stood abruptly to greet the prisoner. A woman of dark, brown skin and buzzed black hair walked inside, flanked by two Resistance soldiers. Her facial structure was sharp and distinct, with her full lips and large, brown eyes making her stand out against the plain room. She was still in the standard black clothes every stormtrooper wore beneath their armor, and Finn felt a tinge of annoyance that she hadn't been issued new clothes by now.

"Sit." One of the soldiers pointed at the chair opposite of Finn. The woman eyed it reluctantly. Finn smiled to try and reassure the trooper, but all it seemed to do was confuse her more.

"Please," he implored, "I just want to have a simple conversation with you. That's all." She studied his body language, deeming him to be of no threat after a few seconds of silence. Slowly, she shuffled forward while the cuffs on her wrists and ankles clanged objectively against the movement. "The cuffs are not necessary. You can remove them."

The tall soldier shook his head. "We've been ordered not to." Finn was about to protest, but was cut off. "You have twenty minutes." Both escorts left and locked the door from the outside.

Finn and the woman stood facing each other, and he found it hard not to feel slightly uncomfortable under the woman's hard stare.

"Please, sit." Finn motioned at her chair and led by example by being the first to recline.

The woman followed and took a moment to look around the room, no doubt looking for anything that could be used as a weapon. "You're Sergeant CN-7895, correct?" Her gaze snapped back to his and she nodded in recognition.

"Why did you have you and your platoon surrender to the Resistance on the island?" Finn asked.

Her jaw rolled from side to side as Finn watched her contemplate whether or not to answer. "The First Order retreated and we got caught behind enemy lines. I didn't wish for my trooper's to die, so I ordered them to surrender."

One thing that had always been stressed to Finn as he grew up in the program was that you never surrendered to the enemy. Your loyalty demanded that you die rather than submit.

He furrowed his brows in confusion over witnessing such compassion in another trooper. "You knowingly went against your training to save your comrades," Finn stated.

Something in the statement sparked her anger, and she glared at him as if her stare could kill. "What do you know of my training? You Resistance scum know nothing," she seethed.

"I'm not with the Resistance." Finn paused, mentally scolding himself. "Well, okay, I am now, but I started off as a stormtrooper for the First Order. I recently defected."

The woman's expression changed faster than blaster fire – eyes wide, mouth agape – as she stared at him in wonder. Finn was not expecting that reaction. Whenever anyone from the First Order found out about him being an ex-stormtrooper, they liked to yell the word "traitor" in his general direction.

"You... you're FN-2187?"

His breath caught in his throat. "I go by Finn now, but that was my stormtrooper designation. How do you know that?"

She leaned forward, examining his face like he was a myth that just came to life right before her eyes. "All the stormtroopers know of you. What you did had spread throughout the ranks in a matter of hours. None of us could believe that a trooper released a prisoner and stole a Tie fighter to escape a Star Destroyer. It's something that should have been impossible."

"Well, I guess I'm proof that it's indeed possible."

"I guess you are." She sat back, shaking her head while her eyes turned down onto the table's surface. "Why did you want to speak with me?"

There were multiple reasons why Finn had wanted this meeting, one of them being to convince the troopers to join the Resistance. But his thoughts were currently darting off in a different direction that was more personal to him. "Do you remember your family?"

"Excuse me?"

Finn knew she heard him, so he kept going with the line of questions that popped into his mind.

"Do you think your parents ever think about? Do they wonder what kind of person you've become?" CN-7895 shifted in her seat, her uneasiness palpable. "When you go to bed at night, have you ever thought of how different your life would have been if the First Order hadn't taken you?" Finn's voice was quiet, but his eyes implored the woman to answer.

Her voice was shaky as she appeared to be frightened by the stream of inquiries. "Why are you asking me these things?"

Finn gulped, trying to hide how emotional he was becoming. He grasped onto the edge of the table, feeling the cold on his fingers. "I can't be the only stormtrooper to have thought these things, to have wondered if my parents wanted me or if they had freely given me to the Order." He took in a strangled breath. "You showed compassion for your soldiers when we were always told surrender was never an option. You went against protocol, knowing that by doing so was treason. In my first battle, I went against direct orders and never fired my weapon to kill innocent people. I have to believe that there are other troopers out there who are like me, and I think from the way you saved your unit, you are."

Finn was close to losing his composure, and he could see the woman struggle to hold back her own. The atmosphere was thick with emotional energy, and both him and CN-7895 were caught in the current. "Please, I need to know if you have ever thought these things. If you have ever wished for a different life than the one you were forced into."

Her arms were resting on the table. Finn was tempted to reach out and grasp them, but he didn't want to frighten her. Her answer was very crucial to his sanity and he could feel the seconds tick by as he waited for her reply.

"Yes," she croaked out. "I've thought about... my family." Finn exhaled and brushed his face in relief. He wanted to hug the woman for validating that he wasn't alone, nor was he crazy. "But what does that matter? My life and the lives of my comrades are over. We're to rot away in prison for doing what we were ordered to do."

His head shook in disagreement. "How you feel matters, more than you know. You want a new life? You want to have the freedom you've only ever dreamed of? The Resistance can give that to you... if you join them."

She scoffed at his proposition. "I would just be trading in my First Order pauldron to be a soldier under a different cause. I would hardly call that freedom."

"True, you would be required to fight for the Resistance, but when they win, you can be whoever you want to be. You wouldn't have to stay in the military if you didn't want to."

"When they win? You mean if, and it's a very big IF. The First Order's resources are enormous; there's no way the Resistance can match their firepower. In the end, we're all going to end up dead."

This woman was blunt, but not entirely wrong. There was a possibility of the First Order winning the war, but Finn liked to remain optimistic about his future. "Well, you can either go back to the First Order right now and be executed, or you can breathe a little while longer with the Resistance. We have no other choice but to fight for what we want, and what I want is a long and happy life that has no attachments to oppression. I can't get that from the First Order, so I'm going to do everything I can to help the Resistance win. And I want you there with me."

She lifted a brow in curiosity.

"No on here understands the First Order like you and I do," Finn continued. "We can help them end this war. And really… what other choice is there?" She clenched her jaw as she realized the truth behind Finn's words. It was either death or living. In the end, one was easier to choose over the other.

She dragged her hands off the table and into her lap. Slowly, she nodded her head. "But I don't want to be known as CN-7895 anymore."

Finn took that as her agreeing to be with the Resistance. "Okay. Is there a different name you would like to go by?"

"Breaala," she replied quickly. "I, uh, think it was my mother's name."

"It's a beautiful name."

"Do you have the authority to induct my unit and I into the Resistance?"

Uhhhhhhh… "No, I actually don't. But I do know people who can help me. Besides, if they know you're willing to give information on the First Order, I'm sure they would offer you asylum."

She chewed at the inside of her cheek, rolling over the idea of having a brand new life. "I'll talk to my unit. I'm sure they'll come to see that there is no other option for us but to do this. If some of them choose not to join, though, I won't make them."

Finn grinned from ear to ear. "Then that is their choice to make, but I really hope you all do."

()()()()()

Ren pressed Rey firmly against him as he stalked closer to Maz. Poe walked next to him, keeping his hand on the blaster that was attached to his belt. Such weapons were unnecessary for this encounter, but Ren chalked up the pilot's movement as an instinctual reflex rather than Poe actually wanting to instigate a fight.

Ren maneuvered around chunks of stone and halted a few feet from the small woman. Her arms remained crossed and the temptation to lash out at him was hitting his senses in massive amount of waves. Fortunately, Maz resisted such primitive impulses and settled on glaring at him instead.

Poe was the first to break the tension. "I'm Commander Poe Dameron, a pilot for the Resistance, and we're very much in need of your help." Maz didn't even glance at Poe, nor did she answer. He sensed the pilot becoming nervous and in truth, he was as well. Maz scrutinized Ren's face, more than likely sensing how anxious he was.

"What have you done to her?" Maz demanded. Of course she would blame him. "I could feel the Dark side as soon as you dropped out of hyperspace."

Through a tight jaw, Ren said, "While your assumption is understandable, I didn't do this to her. Snoke did." Maz recoiled, but regained her composure. Her magnified pupils scanned Rey's unconscious body, but she didn't make a move to come any closer.

Maz shook her head. "I'm not capable of helping her with this."

"Directly, no, you can't. But I can. I just need more power to be able to get past the barrier placed around her mind. Then, I can guide her out."

Maz chuckled in disbelief. "You want my power to amplify your own?" Ren remained silent, trying to gage Maz's decision from her expression, but the orange alien was not giving anything away. "And if I refuse?"

Ren didn't hesitate to answer. "Then I'll take it." The 'by force' went unsaid.

Poe shifted, not knowing what to do as Maz and Ren stared at one another. Would the pilot try to stop him if he became violent towards her? Maybe, but Ren was more than willing to kill whoever got in his way of taking what he wanted from the female humanoid. However... the prospect of killing Poe made Ren uncomfortable. He hoped the pilot wouldn't force his hand.

Maz huffed. "Fine. Don't look so surprised," she told him as she saw Ren's eyes widen. "I may know the Force, but I'm not trained in it to the extent that you are. I know a losing battle when I see one." She pivoted on her heels, not waiting to see if the two men were following her or not. "We can do this down in the basement. It's the only place that survived the assault you led against my castle."

Ren trailed close behind while the pilot stayed by his side. "It seems like she's going to help us," Poe whispered. "So that's good, right?" Appearances could be deceiving; Ren knew that better than most. But the last time he'd seen Maz, when he was just a small boy, she'd been a merciful woman. Hopefully, she remained the same underneath her pirate exterior.

Ren gave Poe a side-glance, neither agreeing nor disagreeing with his observation. Maz knew she couldn't match him in power, but she might put up a fight once she realized how much of her strength he was going to need from her.

The basement was still the same as Ren remembered. The long hallway had multiple rooms stemming off from the sides, and the stone floor and walls dropped the air to a chilly temperature that Ren found agreeable.

"In here." Maz turned right, entering a room teething with antiques and reminders of past lives that were long forgotten. A thick wooden table was propped in the middle, and Maz quickly cleared it of her possessions. "Place her on the table." Ren gently did so, making sure his hand was placed on the back of her head to cushion her against the hardness of the amner wood. Rey's knees bent over the short table, her feet dangling close to the floor. Ren loomed over her, brushing random flurries of hair from her ashen face.

Her skin was all wrong – it had none of the soft glow he'd come to admire, and her forehead was covered in tiny beads of sweat that weren't from hard labor, but distress.

A ticking noise sounded off on the other side of the table. Ren peered up, seeing Maz twisting the magnification of her goggles as she stood on a stool. Her sight was burning into Ren, looking at him with a purpose.

"What is she doing?" Poe inquired next to him.

Ren didn't have the patience for this. His head twisted toward the pilot, "Just ignore her." He craned his attention back to Maz to find her on the table, stepping over Rey and getting right in front of him. Two small hands grabbed at his cheeks, making him bend forward, Maz's magnified eyes locking onto his own and drinking in the information they betrayingly offered.

The interaction only lasted seconds before Ren recovered his wits and pulled back from her.

"I never believed…" Maz trailed off, lost in her own thoughts.

Ren wasn't particularly interested in knowing what she believed at the moment. "We need to do this quickly. Rey will soon be dead."

"And you along with her, I presume." Ren clasped his jaw shut. Leave it to Maz to somehow know even the most secretive of details in just one glance.

Maz got off the table and placed her hands on the crown of Rey's head as she closed her eyes to concentrate. "The dark side is rooted very deep. Even if you get in, there's a strong possibility neither of you will be able to get out."

"I can get us out." He went to retrieve a chair from the corner. "I've done it before."

"Why do you want to help the girl?" Maz's gaze followed him, scrutinizing the manly form his body had become.

"You know why." He set the chair at the head of the table.

"I don't know everything, Ben." Ren flinched upon hearing his birth name. He'd grown accustomed to hearing the name pass through Rey's lips, but if anyone else called him that, his immediate reaction was to become violent. "Tell me, and I won't resist helping you."

He gripped the railing of the chair, hearing it creak under the immense pressure. Talking to Maz was the last thing he wanted to do, but he kept reminding himself that it was necessary if he wanted to save Rey. "I care for her," he finally revealed.

"That's not what I saw in your eyes."

She was baiting him to ask further and to his embarrassment, he did. "And what exactly did you see?" Maz's features took on an emotion he'd never witnessed on the alien: gentleness. It was a very motherly type of look, one that appeared odd on her aged face. He didn't deserve such affection from her.

"Something you will discover very soon, if you haven't already." Damn woman always has to talk in riddles. He preferred to converse with people who were more straightforward.

Like Poe, he thought in shock.

He quieted the ridiculous notion. "Can we get on with this now?" Ren had entertained Maz long enough, and now they needed to deal with the situation currently lying on the table.

Ren was all need, no ease. He sat in the chair, taking Rey's head firmly between his two palms. Maz's small hand rested on his forearm, opening up her strength to him.

"When this is over, you and I have a lot to discuss," Maz affirmed.

Ren gave no sign as to hearing her. Instead, he closed his eyes, searching for the wall around Rey's psyche. It wasn't difficult to find since it had grown considerably stronger than the last time he had checked. Without preamble, he latched onto Maz's Force signature, roughly draining her power into his own.

The petite alien made no sound at his intrusion, but he could feel her hand starting to shake. Thoughts and feeling belonging to Maz were attached to the strength she was letting him absorb. Ren had no choice but to become privy to the information, and what he learned was actually quite shocking.

Hundreds of years ago, Maz had a younger brother. They were alike in many ways, until he became the leader of a formidable spice cartel. His ambition and ego could not be satiated through kindness and mercy, but only through cruelty and backstabbing. Maz watched helplessly as her brother used his Force abilities to gain recognition, falling deeper and deeper into the Dark side. She went decades without seeing him, deciding that there was nothing she could do but wait, hoping he would return to her. Instead, she felt through the Force the day he'd been murdered. It had been slow and painful and Maz let herself suffer through it all. Later, she learned that he'd been killed during a coup and his body had been air-locked out into the expanse of space, leaving no grave for her to find him.

Maz reviled the Dark side, but felt pity for those who were trapped in its snare. Even now, knowing Ren had murdered Han, she felt sympathy for him. Ren recoiled from such an emotion. Having others show pity for him made him feel weak, whereas their fear made him feel strong. He would rather have Maz's full, unadulterated anger than have her feel sorry for him.

Ren focused on the barrier, trying not to let Maz's thoughts ruin his attention. He pounded against it, drawing more strength from the woman with every punch. While these types of walls were made to keep their victim from escaping, it was not entirely impossible to get inside. The barrier was weaker on the outside, giving him the opportunity to break in.

With every trap, there was always a loophole.

Leia had taught him that.

Slowly, the blockade started to budge, revealing the fabric of the structure. Desperation fueled him, and he was astonished that Maz was still standing from how much of her power he was stealing. He pulled at the thread, creating a hole he could slip into. It was small, forcing his mind to compress greatly against it.

Just a little more pressure….

Ren opened his eyes, staring into a black abyss, not knowing what time axis he belonged to. His feet were firmly planted on a hard surface, no sound or smell or color hitting his other senses. The place was obsolete, barren. It was devoid of all hope and light that made Rey into the beautiful woman Ren knew her to be.

Her name bellowed from his lungs, but Ren received no response. No echoes came from his voice or footsteps as he blindly traveled the flat surface. His own fear was waiting beneath, for this place was where he'd once been stuck in for days, a test put together by Snoke. He'd come to the edge of dying, but had somehow found the willpower to control the illusion and create an escape.

Being weak was for cowards and so were excuses, Snoke would tell him.

"Ben." A young woman appeared to his right. Her form softly glowed, accentuating the paleness of her skin. Reddish, blonde hair flowed onto her shoulders, and Ren had the strong impression that he knew this woman, that he had once seen her in a different form.

"You were a child when you appeared to me on that island," Ren recalled as he walked closer, studying the familiar aged outlines of her face.

She smiled as she cupped her hands together at her hip. "I was wondering if you'd recognize me if I looked older. I prefer this version of myself than the young child I died as. It makes me imagine what kind of life I could've had if I lived longer."

Ren scrutinized her form while not hiding his increased confusion. "I… don't understand. Are you a Force Spirit? Why show yourself to me on the island and right now?"

Her voice was feminine and soft, matching the elegance she exuded ."My fate is tied with Rey's."

"What fate? You already died. Your fate should be done."

The woman grew serious, leaving all evidence of formality behind. "Would you like to converse with me, or find Rey and get her out of here? Time in this place is not finite."

"Where is she?" The woman's form flashed, causing Ren to shield his eyes. What remained of her was a small ball of light, floating fast off into the distance. Ren ran, following the sphere through the fragile substance of Rey's darkened psyche.

The light stopped abruptly, hovering over a crumpled form on the floor. Ren slid to his knees and stopped at Rey's stilled body.

The orb pulsated light as the woman spoke. "I banished the heathen's voice from speaking with her, but his trap remains."

As Ren turned Rey onto her back, he clutched onto her shoulders and glanced up at the light. "You have power here? Why didn't you get her out!"

The streams of light that surrounded the sphere twirled faster, as if becoming unstable. "You don't understand. If Snoke senses me, he won't stop hunting the girl till she is dead."

"He already wants her dead," Ren stated through clenched teeth.

"No, this will be personal and fueled with vengeance." He glanced between Rey and the hovering energy, not knowing whether he should pry further with more questions, or stay on task by helping Rey escape.

Ren chose Rey, deciding that his thirst for information could hopefully be quenched at a different point in the future.

He grasped her face gently, feeling her cold skin on his fingertips. Blame needed to be aimed somewhere and Ren chose himself as the target. Snoke had to have used his side of the bond to find Rey. It was the only explanation that made any sense.

"You blame yourself for what is happening," the voice observed.

Can she sense my emotions? Ren was growing accustomed to Rey being in tune with his moods, but the prospect of this entity also sensing his feelings was unnerving. He stayed silent, trying to focus on getting Rey to respond to his nudges.

"There's no need to decree the blame upon yourself. Once you were rendered unconscious, you no longer could shield her from your master, and my presence within her made it so he could find her quickly. Fortunately, he was not specifically seeking me out, so my existence is still unknown to him." There was an inkling of narcissistic undertones to the spheres last statement, like the being viewed herself more important than Rey.

"Your presence within her?" The more the light spoke, the more perplexed Ren became. Even though it wasn't real, seeing Rey's weak form on the ground was disconcerting, causing him to panic and not clearly assess the conversation that was unfolding. "Are you speaking of reincarnation?" Ren voiced his conjecture out loud, hoping it was not the case. The concept of reincarnation was not widely known, and no accounts have ever been recorded, but theoretically, it could be possible.

Well, technically, the Force can make anything possible.

"No, we are very much two separate entities." Ren relaxed slightly. He didn't know what he would have done if he found out Rey was somehow this peculiar girl he kept meeting. "When she was born and the bond formed between you two, the Force allowed me to attach myself to her, but this is very much her own mind and body." Ren's sight darted back to the bright sphere. He quickly processed how Rey and the girl were somehow linked together, but entirely separate from one another before focusing on the most important statement the girl had made during the entirety of the odd exchange: the Force bond.

His bewilderment was obvious from his scrunched up expression. "What are you talking about? The bond formed when I was interrogating her."

The light shifted, like it was growing nervous. "No, it didn't. The Force needed your destinies to be intertwined, so it willed the connection to be so. The bond had been laying dormant from my doing, but you awakened it when you forced yourself into her mind on the First Order base."

What the hell is going on?

What she was saying sounded too farfetched. Wouldn't he have noticed something as significant as a Force bond forming sometime during his life?

And then, it hit him.

My dream….

The dreams he had of Rey since he was ten, the longing to find something out in the galaxy, how immensely drawn he was to her when he first saw her on Takodana – it all made sense now. Too much sense.

And with the revelation, one fact became clear: his life had never been his own, even when he was young. How much control over his life did he actually have, or had everything been a lie? This woman had kept Ren and Rey from finding each other. He could have found Rey and spared her the hardships she had endured on Jakku and maybe, just maybe, he wouldn't have been consumed by the Dark side. He wouldn't have killed...

Ren spoke in a harsh, low voice. "You kept us apart. I could've found her when she was abandoned; our lives could've turned out differently than this."

"Your fall to the Dark side was necessary for what lies ahead."

His hands shot out at the ball of light, trying to grab it and strangle it between his powerful hands. It darted out of reach, but remained in the vicinity.

Ren's hard breathing and feral eyes showed the evidence of his rage. "Necessary? Necessary? I killed my own father! I can barely live with myself over what I did to him, and you say that my fall was necessary? How can you just toy with my life and have no regard for the consequences?" His throat burned from the screaming, but the physical pain was more welcome than the memories his words elicited. "How could you let this happen to me!?"

"If you had known about her or if you had found her, what little connection you have with your master might never have formed," she argued. "It is essential for the future."

This… thing really was a cold-hearted, narcissistic bitch. Whatever her plans were, it was clear she would ruin anyone to complete them, and Rey and Ren fell under her first of many casualties.

Ren hung his head, staring intently onto the obscurely smooth floor as his black hair framed his vision. "No," he stated firmly. "No, I'm done being a puppet for other people. And that includes whatever the hell you are." Ren peered through his thick locks to glare at her. "You need someone to have a connection with Snoke? You can go make one between the two of you. If I'm lucky, you'll kill each other over it."

"Ben…" Rey's voice whispered. He swung around, seeing her eyes flutter open as he grabbed her hand.

The hovering ball inched closer. "You cannot escape your destiny."

Destiny.

Fate.

How dare this entity speak of such things to him, like she knew his inner most thoughts and intentions.

Ren's destiny was to follow his grandfather's legacy; he'd known that shortly after discovering his true lineage. Deep beneath the crevice of doubts and questions, he knew that it was somehow still his path, but he found himself no longer drawn to it like he'd once been. It was astonishing how his perspective on life could change over such a small span of time.

He glanced harshly over his shoulder. "Fuck destiny. Now, if you're still adamant on not helping us, then leave." The globe hovered for a moment and then vanished, plunging Ren and Rey into darkness.

"Who were you talking to?" Rey asked weakly. "Was it the girl?"

Ren found her face with his hands, thumbs moving across her cheeks. "Yes, but she isn't important. Forget about her." That's what Ren intended on doing.

He helped Rey sit upright, hands going to her back to support her. Her palms touched his chest, crawling up to his neck until resting on his face. "I knew you'd find me." Lightly, her fingers twirled through his hair. Memories of their time in the ocean swirled through his cognizance. Her touch was so simple, but resonated through his secret need to be wanted by another person.

"I wouldn't leave you here. I'll always come back for you, Rey. No matter where you are." She threw her arms around his neck without warning, surprising him by her sudden closeness, which he didn't object to.

"Thank you."

He rubbed her back, feeling the contours of her body beneath his palms. "Are you ready to get us out of here?" he whispered. As she drew back, her cheek rubbed against his, causing him to instinctively turn toward the touch. He could taste her breath on his lips, and if they had been in a calmer situation, Ren would have claimed her mouth for his own pleasure.

"Me? I thought that's what you came here to do." Rey's voice was weak, but firm in her apparent frustration to the news. "If I knew how to get out of here, I would've done so by now."

"Well, I can't provide us an escape. Only you can, since we're technically in your mind."

She sat all the way back onto her legs, taking with her the touch he craved. "But… you got in here. Can't you get out?"

He shook his head but realized that she couldn't see the movement in the dark. "No. I only got past the barrier thanks to Maz."

"Maz?"

"Yeah. I needed more power to get in here, and Maz was the safest option available."

She didn't voice the possibility of Skywalker to him, and he was grateful.

Rey's shuddered breaths were the only noise that could be heard, and Ren knew the pressure that was placed upon her was overwhelming. "I... I can't do it. Everything feels so wrong here, and I'm so tired."

His next statement was tactless, but she needed to know the full extent of what would happen if she chose inaction. "I know you're tired, and this place... it isn't natural. But Rey, your body is starting to shut down, and if you don't get out of here soon, you will die."

Silence.

Ren scooted closer, his knees touching hers as he grasped onto her hands. "All this is, is an illusion. Well, the barrier is real, but the illusion lies in you thinking that you have no power here. You do. You have more power over your mind than Snoke does. You'll have to use a lot of your strength to defy him, but you can escape."

"I'm not strong enough," she uttered fearfully.

"Yes, you are. You're stronger than you know; I can feel your power begging to be used. Look at everything you've done: you delved into my fears when I was interrogating you, you bested me as we dueled in the snow, and you beat me on the island." All three were still embarrassing defeats, but he was more than capable of setting aside his ego to spark her inner vigor.

Rey scoffed. "You clearly won that duel on Ahch-To. All I did was talk to you."

"But your words made me stop. Trust me, you won that fight. And you're more than capable of winning this one." As far as pep talks went, Ren wasn't sure how he was doing. He had never tried to boost up another person's confidence before. Hell, he had a hard time maintaining his own, but he learned how to fake it when it mattered.

"It seems impossible," Rey said breathlessly.

He gave her hands a reassuring squeeze, hoping she would be able to find the strength she needed soon. If she didn't, he would have to try a different tactic, which involved getting her angry. And he didn't want to do that. "It's not. Snoke did the same thing to me early on in my training. I'm the walking proof that it is possible to break out of a hold like this."

Her body jolted, like it was suddenly shocked awake. "This has happened to you before?"

"Yes, and–"

Rey cut him off, moving closer to him. "I need you to think about exactly how you escaped."

"What–"

"I'm going to take the knowledge from you. I just need you to remember it." Her words poured out of her quickly, her thick accent making it so he almost couldn't understand what she just ordered him to do.

Ren sat, stunned as he processed her request. He tripped over his words before settling on one question. "You know how to do that?"

"Sort of, and I'll explain later. I just need you to think about that memory so I don't have to dig for it."

As he did as she ordered, he could feel her invading his thoughts, taking a part of him with her as she retreated. It wasn't as if she stole it and he could never get it back, but rather she copied the information and stored it within her own well of knowledge.

How convenient.

To his astonishment, she giggled. The sound swept through him and he clung to how pure it felt in a place seething with dread. "You really are clever. I never would have thought to view the barrier as a web that can be untangled. I just kept foolishly pushing against it, not even thinking of trying to perceive it differently. The knowledge I could get from your mind–"

"Oh, I don't think so," he countered, but not in an argumentative way. "You're going to have to learn the hard way, just like everyone else. No cheating."

"But you let me cheat just now." He could hear the smile in her voice.

"Because I'd rather we didn't die here. Now less talking and more concentrating." Ren scolded her, but his heart wasn't in it. He could've sworn Rey mockingly saluted him in the dark, and he marveled at how quick her spirits had risen after dipping into his mind. Her confidence was sure up, but her strength was still lacking.

Ren sat on his heels as he grasped onto her arms. She mimicked his stance. "Take as much strength as you need from me," he told her. "Don't hold back and don't worry about me, understand?"

"Yes," she breathed and went still. The silence was earsplitting and the moments dragged on. He wondered if Rey was even doing anything, but by the sudden vibrations in the air, he knew the unraveling had begun.

Ren tried to breathe, but found it to be impossible. The air in his lungs was being sucked right out of him, making his insides burn for relief. When he told her to take his power, she really didn't back away. Every drop of vigor was being rung and collected from his giving soul, which made him close to falling over.

Rey's nails dug into his forearm, her heavy panting barely audible through his clattering teeth. Every atom in his body was pulsating as the fabric of the barrier started to crumble. His thoughts screamed at him that if he let her continue to drain him, he would die. But she needed to get out, not matter the cost.

Light rippled off in the distance behind her. It was a violent mixture of color that swirled through its vicinity, searching for a victim to join the clamoring storm. It was coming for them swiftly, filling the void with a noise akin to nails scratching against glass.

"Hur-ry," Ren whispered through a trembling jaw. Rey's features creased together in concentration, clawing at their only chance to escape. The vibrant horde was picking up momentum and Ren could feel the eyes of his master fixated on them both. Seconds were all they had left, seconds before the situation got a hell of a lot more complicated.

The colors were blinding and the urgency in the pit of his stomach sprang forth from his mouth in one single word. "Rey!"

()()()()()

Ren's eyelids sprang open, taking in the surroundings to find he was in his bed aboard his ship. His joints cracked as he stood and stretched. He leaned against the frame, breathing in the heavy smell of reality. A smile commandeered his lips as he thought of Rey.

She did it. She really did it.

He searched for her, finding her essence out in the forest somewhere, no doubt examining every leaf and fleck of dirt the land could provide. Her curiosity was making up for the lost time she'd spent on Jakku.

Sharply, his thoughts snapped to when he had conversed with that being in Rey's mind. He wanted to believe that the girl – woman, ghost, whatever she was – was lying about everything, but denying that he'd sensed the truth behind her words was a huge waste of time.

What the being's intentions were, Ren had no idea. Neither did he know how she was tied to Rey if the girl was already dead. He just wanted to forget about the encounter, sweep it under the rug and out of existence. He didn't need another problem to deal with; not when he was already struggling with who he was and what he would do with his life.

Except... that strategy would surely come back to bite him in the ass later on. He had to talk to Rey about it. Had. To. She was unknowingly sharing her body with another life form, a fact she should be privy to. Ren wondered how she was going to take the jarring news.

Entering the hallway, he made his way to the refresher, desperately needing to clean the stickiness and musk off his skin. After he was efficiently clean and in a new dark tunic and trousers, he ventured into the galley to find Poe rifling through the cabinets.

"What are you looking for?" Ren asked.

Poe jumped, hitting his head on the inside of the cabinet and cursing as he gave it a good rub. "Rations. Your supply is getting really low. But hey, at least you have enough chocolate to feed an army."

Speaking of which….

Ren grabbed a few bars from the upper cabinet and started to inhale the sugary treat as he searched for the rest of the rations. He eyed a bowl on the counter, seeing that it was a hearty soup with vegetables and meat.

"Oh." Poe followed Ren's line of sight. "Yeah... Maz made some dinner. I brought you back a bowl. It should still be warm." The mere mention of Maz gave ren knots in his stomach. She wanted to speak with him, and he could see no way of escaping that inevitable conversation.

He touched the bowl, feeling that it was indeed still warm. "It'll probably give you more energy than the sugar you're shoving down you gullet," Poe commented. Ren turned, watching the pilot lean against the counter.

Ren ignored the pilot's jab about his diet. "How long were we out?"

"Sixteen hours."

Ren halted the choc bar at his lips. "It didn't seem that long."

Poe shrugged. "To be honest, Maz and I were getting really worried. We were starting to brainstorm a way for her to join you guys, but then Rey woke up. You, on the other hand, were out. Rey said you would probably sleep for a while, and asked me to get you back to the ship to rest. You know, I've been lugging your ass around a lot lately." The pilot gave him a smug smile. "I'm gonna have to start charging you a fee for my services."

"Just let me know the rate." Ren set aside the choc bars and grabbed the bowl of soup, along with a spoon.

Poe's expression froze, his eyes widening. "Did you just… did you just make a joke with me?"

Ren smiled to himself as he walked over to the table in the lounge. He settled himself in and started eating. It was a rarity for him to have a nice, cooked meal, and he relished in the warmth it gave his stomach. He tried not to think about how Maz was the one who made it.

Poe took the seat opposite of him, staring intently as he ate. There was a nervous edge to his outwardly stoic demeanor. "So... Maz is letting me fix up this old freighter of her's and I'm thinking I should be done with the repairs sometime tomorrow." Ren ate, listening to the pilot with uninterested ears. "When she's good to go, I plan on leaving for the Resistance." Thank the Force. "And I... I think Rey should come with me." That was not what Ren wanted to hear.

He wasn't done with chewing a thick piece of meat between his molars, but he forced it down his throat so he could fully convey his annoyance to the pilot. "She made up her mind. She wants to stay."

"I know. I asked her about coming back to the base with me and she nearly bit my head off. I do, however, think she would go... if you asked her to."

Ren was surprised at the straightforward suggestion. "Why would I ever ask her to do that?"

Poe scoffed, leaning over the table. "C'mon man. You have to know that what you're asking her to do could very well ruin her life. Leave with you? You? A guy who's being hunted relentlessly by the First Order and has no idea how to get his shit together?"

"I know how to stay hidden, and Snoke is searching for Rey as well. She'll be safer with me."

"No, it would be safer for her to be back at the base where she can be protected properly. You two gallivanting across the galaxy is going to get both of you caught. And killed."

Ren ground his teeth, focusing on keeping his anger at bay. "Look, I'm not going to convince her to do something she doesn't want to do. She's stubborn and won't listen to me."

"Oh, I think she'd listen to you. Do you seriously not notice how much she looks up to you? I do, and it worries me. Her attachment to you is troubling, not to mention how easily you influence her."

Influence Rey? There was no possible way for someone as innocent as her to look up to someone as corrupt as him. She was obstinate when she desired something and had a moral compass, the latter of which he lacked. "There is a very strong possibility of you changing her, and it wouldn't be for the better," Poe added.

Ren would never attempt to change one thing about Rey, but Poe would never take his word for it, so he stayed quiet. He didn't have to explain himself to someone who was just a pilot. The only thing that mattered to him was Rey. Period.

Ren stood, no longer wanting to be tethered to this particular conversation. Poe stared at him intently, waiting to hear if he would agree with his assessment. "I'm not going to tell her she should leave with you, so you should stop bringing it up – to the both of us. If you find that to be too difficult, I can make it so you'll never be able to speak again. Your choice." Poe bit down, showcasing his frustration through a locked jaw. Ren proceeded to exit the lounge, feeling a strong desire to be close to Rey. Hopefully the pilot would stop voicing those ridiculous notions, or Ren would be forced to fulfill his promise.

He left the ship as the sun began its final descent toward the horizon. The uneven terrain and the pine wood scent reminded him of when he would venture out there when he was a boy. Han had always been too busy swapping stories with Maz or with the other criminals that roamed the castle to notice his son wondering off. Ren had quickly grown despondent to the boisterous laughter and the ripe smell of the unkempt aliens. So he had taken it upon himself to find somewhere quiet, where he could pretend to be somewhere else in the galaxy. The expanse of the forest had been a sanctuary, and now as he hiked through it, those old feelings reluctantly came back.

The branches of the trees that held its leaves seemed sharper to him now. The air was crisp, smelling new and fresh. His boots crunched the shrubbery below as he walked between two high rock faces. Rey was very close, but he still couldn't see her through the narrow gap. He halted, glancing up at the group of rocks. Ren climbed the steep walkway and turned to the left upon reaching the top.

Rey stood with her back facing him, overlooking the thick throng of foliage in front of her. He stalked forward, not trying to hide the sound of his footfalls. It wouldn't have mattered if he had; he knew she could sense his presence.

She broke through the silence first. "Do you recognize this place?" He stopped a few feet behind her, his head swiveling around to take in the surrounding view. The endless line of trees and compounded dirt did not cause any specific memories to surface, not like it obviously did with Rey.

"No. Should I?"

She pivoted, revealing her void expression, her arms remaining at her sides. "This is where we first met."

His sight darted over the rocky mound and he briefly glanced back at the way he'd come up. To the left was a small ravine, the place where the stormtroopers had informed him that the Resistance was overwhelming their small numbers. He couldn't believe Rey had ventured out to find this specific place when she harbored such apprehensive feelings toward it. Or did she? Ren couldn't read her since her end of the bond was closed off. As usual.

"I can't decipher if you're alright being here or not," Ren commented, scrutinizing her. The flashbacks he was receiving from being in the area made him want to flee and pretend it never happened. Someone else had Force stunned Rey, someone else had threatened her with their lightsaber, and someone else had probed her mind.

Yeah… he really wanted to be anywhere else in the galaxy but here.

She shrugged. "I'm actually fine being here again. It's weird, though... it feels like it all happened ages ago, when it's only been a couple weeks." His stare roamed quickly over her form, realizing that she was still in the same outfit from Spira. The look made her appear stronger, older. More intimidating.

He liked her new appearance way too much.

"Well, you're a far cry from the girl you once were. You're hardly helpless, and you're power has grown significantly since then."

She smiled tentatively. "And I'm not scared of you, like I once was."

He chuckled. "No, you're not." Ren still couldn't get past how odd it was that Rey didn't shy away from him like how most people would.

Her smile slowly faded as she glanced down at the dirt between them. "How have you been able to live with that vile creature in your mind for so long?" Her voice was soft and timid, not knowing if the question was appropriate to ask.

He paused before answering. "It's all I've ever known."

Rey's eyes met his, causing his insides to tighten. "I think... I think I'm really starting to see why you eventually fell to the dark side. I'm starting to understand. " An emotion played out on her face. Sympathy?

His forehead creased. "What do you mean?"

She walked to him as he wondered where she was going with these thoughts of hers. "Feeling utterly hopeless would cause anyone to break under that pressure." She was showing him sympathy, it was easily discernible on her face as she got closer. It was the last thing he wanted to see from her. "Snoke did this to you, Ben. He made you into a monster." He recoiled from her attempt to touch his arm as he gazed at her, bewildered. Hurt filled her eyes, but she didn't let his retreat stop her from voicing her beliefs. "He robbed you of a life full of love and friendship. You've killed so many people for him and lost who you truly were in the process."

Ren shook his head vigorously. "No. He didn't take away the life I should've had. He gave me a purpose, a place to belong when no one else would. He saw how much power I could wield and the potential I had." The words were out of his mouth before he could stop them.

Rey blinked, utterly shocked by his confession, and part of him mirrored her reaction.

"How can you speak of him with such high praise? After... everything?" Disgust laced her words. Ren was confused that he still felt loyal to Snoke, while at the same time, knowing he belonged to Rey. Thoughts he'd been trying to hold off processing were starting to claw to the surface, causing him to come to grips with reality. "You told me on Spira that you didn't trust him anymore, but here you are actually defending him, after everything he's made you do. You killed your father for him and tried to kill me–"

"I know what I have done!"

Rey stepped back in alarm. His voice boomed off the pine trees, rippling through the air with powerful speed. Moments passed as he watched her square off at him. The pool of conflicting emotions had caused him to lash out at her and he immediately regretted it.

He rubbed his face. "I'm sorry," he voiced more calmly. "I shouldn't have... I'm sorry."

The outburst didn't seem to deter her. "You still hold your former master in such high regard?" Her tone was critical and lined with hurt. "After what he just did to me?"

Of course the first time they're actually able to talk to one another since Spira and they start it off by arguing.

"Most of his teachings I respect, but as for the man... I don't revere him like I used to. He wants you dead, and I won't let that happen."

Rey breathed in, then out, trying to control her frustration. "If you were put in a situation where you had to choose between him or me–"

"You. I'd always choose you. Never think otherwise."

She relaxed slightly, but her voice was still hard. "I need to know when you started doubting him. Truly. No lies."

"You think I'd lie to you?"

"I like to believe you wouldn't."

"I wouldn't."

She didn't say anything. Just stared at him.

He took in a deep breath before speaking. "The destruction of the Hosnian System. It could've possibly been earlier than that, but the seed of doubt was so small, I'm not exactly sure when it was planted." Rey's eyes lost focus for a moment as she nodded her head.

"I –," he stuttered, not knowing where to begin explaining his jumbled thoughts. She glanced back up, startled that he was going to keep talking. "I've obtained power from Snoke's teachings that would never have been possible otherwise. I struggled all my life with feeling unwanted by my family, and Snoke showed me how to use those emotions for a greater purpose."

"But–"

"Stop. Just... stop it, Rey." She clamped her mouth shut. "Don't try to minimize what I've done or cast blame elsewhere. I didn't have to go looking for Snoke after finding out about my grandfather, but I did. I wanted to. I killed people because I wanted to. I tortured people to experience the power I had over them. You already know this about me. You saw what I did to that stormtrooper on the island."

Rey grew visibly aggravated, but she needed to understand where his mentality was. If she couldn't accept it, how would it be when they actually left Takodana together? "You talk of choices like you had some, but you didn't," she argued. "Snoke had his sights set on you since before you were even born. You had no freedom, you were never even alone in your own head. Why can't you see how big of a deal that is? How can you not know that?"

A thought popped into his head, giving him unease.

Is she trying to rationalize my deeds so she can justify staying with me?

"I do know that," he countered. "I gave up my freedom to be Snoke's apprentice because that's what I wanted."

"How can you know that's what you wanted when Snoke had been whispering in your ear and planting thoughts and emotions in your mind to make you trust him?"

"Just because you've felt Snoke's presence doesn't mean you understand everything about me," Ren sharply told her. Rey shook her head in disbelief. "I wanted him as my master, I wanted to learn from him. And I know you don't want to hear this, but you need to understand that I regret very little of the things I've done, and I have done so much. You want Ben Solo, I can feel you yearn for him, but I can't be that person anymore even if I tried. With every life I took, I killed the man I used to be. It doesn't matter if you think I was manipulated or pushed into the Dark side. What's left is this"–he motioned to his body–"and you can either accept it, or move on."

Rey had her arms crossed, gazing at Ren with such unexpected sympathy, it made him want to run back to the confines of his ship. "Your family loved you, Ben," she spoke quietly, earnestly. She opened the bond to him, letting him feel the passion behind her words. "You were once a Jedi who followed the Light. I can see it in you now, even if you can't. Snoke wants you to believe you're too broken to come back, but you can. He's to blame for all of this, and I hope one day, you'll be able to see that and return to the person you used to be."

She was stubborn in her beliefs, and Ren was tempted to grab her shoulders and shake her till she saw reason. It was like nothing he said fazed her anymore, but why would it? They've spoken of worse things before.

Something started to rise to the surface; it felt like an epiphany of some sort, the kind that made Ren shudder with anxiety.

Since his first breath, everyone in his life had their expectations for him – Han wanted him to be a pilot, Leia hoped he'd have a career in government, and Snoke wanted a loyal warrior. All of them tried to shape him into an image of themselves. All of them had been manipulative, each using a different set of tactics.

Peering down at her, he realized Rey was no different. She wanted the good spirited, sarcastic Ben Solo who was nothing more than a ghost. Part of him wanted to be that man again, to find him and beg him never to leave. But would he be that person again for himself, or for Rey?

The realization of what he needed to do screamed at him through the depths of denial.

He needed to find out what kind of man he truly wanted to be, without any outside voices trying to influence him. And this, unfortunately, included Rey.

He knew he could pretend to be what she wanted, and for a while, it would probably work. But he was disgusted by the idea of living another lie. That was what his whole life had been: living in the light when he felt like he didn't fit in with its ideals, and then relishing in the darkness when he didn't have the stomach to go all the way into the abyss.

In a way, Poe had been right. He was being selfish by never asking her to go back to her friends, but in her own right, she was also being self-seeking. She wanted him to be Ben, was asking him to come back to the light when she knew it would ruin him. It was a lot to ask of him, and yet she did so anyway.

Her eyes were studying him, feeling the conflict within, but not understanding what was fueling the inner battle. Gods, he knew what he had to say was going to wound her deeply.

Should I think this over more –

No.

He detested drawing out the inevitable, and that's exactly what this felt like.

Rey broke the silence first. "You need time to see how everything has been stacked against you. Which is fine. I can help you sort through it all." How did Ren tell her how naive and condescending she was being without it sounding offensive? Answer: he kept his mouth shut.

She sighed, the tension in her shoulders dissipating. "So... I was thinking that once Poe leaves tomorrow, we can go through the galactic maps and find somewhere to go. I'd prefer somewhere by an ocean, if that's doable." Rey was trying to lighten the mood, leaving their conversation about Snoke for a different day. Rather than her words bring him solace, it twisted his heart till it burned in his chest.

Before revealing his thoughts to her, there was one thing he needed to know. "You can really leave everything behind, just like that? You'd be content with abandoning your friends to fight the First Order without you?" Rey became flustered by such a straightforward question, unable to give Ren an immediate answer. There was an inner struggle going on in her mind, which was evidenced by her troubled expression.

"I gave you my word. I'm staying with you." Her feelings betrayed her and he sensed what she was trying to hide.

"Rey, I can tell you don't want to leave your friends."

"Can't you just believe me when I say that I want to stay with you more than I want to fight the First Order with the Resistance?" He delved deeper into her emotions, making sure to do it with finesse so she would remain oblivious to his probe.

Doubt. Confusion. Belonging. They all rumbled beneath her subconscious, fighting for dominance. He didn't doubt that Rey would ever go back on her word, but he knew that if she stayed with him, regret would soon follow. She kept denying it to herself.

"Honestly? No, I can't. I sense you keep switching between the two, and you're confused by what you should do."

She slammed their connection off, but the damage was already done. Ren had read her feelings. "Don't try to use our connection against me."

He exhaled, looking up into the darkening sky through the branches above. "I had to know how you felt. It makes what I have to say next easier, in a way." Rey's eyebrow creased in confusion as he glanced down at her.

Ren closed the distance between them, cupping her puzzled face between his large hands. He was never this forthright when it came to touching her, but felt a need for it now. She didn't flinch as his skin met hers, sending a velvety wave of amity into his core. Ren stooped down so their faces were close and Rey could see the conviction in his stare.

"Rey, I need you to know that I've come to care for you more than I've cared for anything else in my entire life. What I want from you is something I cannot ask of you, nor do I deserve it. I don't know who I am anymore, and I fear that as I try to find that out, you could be ruined in the process."

Her eyes widened with realization of what he was trying to say.

"My life has never been mine," he continued. "I've lost myself through others controlling me. I need to find balance on my own, without outside forces swaying me in a certain direction."

"And... I'm one of those outside forces?"

He nodded. "You most of all. I want to be the person you want, but I don't know how. For it to be genuine, I need to figure it out on my own."

Rey's bottom lip quivered. She shut her eyes, letting tears slide down her cheeks. "You're leaving me?" Her voice broke on the last syllable.

"Oh gods, Rey, don't cry. It would only be for a little while." Gently, he wiped her tears with his thumbs. "Please, look at me." Her watered eyes met his, mirroring his own heartache. "Search your feelings. It will tell you that we'll meet again soon. Our destinies are still entwined, and we still have much to accomplish in the future." Ren thought of the entity inside Rey's mind, knowing that it was important to tell her about the conversation they had. She needed to know that their bond dated back to when she was born. "There's something else you should know–"

Rey pushed Ren away, a fire of rage roaring behind her beautiful hazel eyes. "You want to leave? Then go! Get out of here. I'm used to being left behind by everyone, so why not add you to the list." She pushed past him, but Ren grabbed her arm to stop her. "Don't!" She wrenched free and Ren could feel the sharp pain run up her arm, but Rey showed no sign of acknowledging it. The agony shining through her eyes stopped him cold, knowing that he was the one who caused it to be there. He watched her sprint down the steep mound, her lithe form disappearing behind the rocks.

All he could do was just stand there, looking aimlessly onward. Numb were his feelings, for his mind could not catch up with what he had just done. His heart stumbled on the things that he knew, the things that he had chosen to do.

He raced after Rey, needing desperately to explain himself further. He underestimated just how much leaving would hurt her. Poe was right, she'd become more attached to him than he realized.

Ren reached the ship, hurling himself into the cargo bay and up the ladder. Shouting echoed throughout the freighter and Ren followed it to the lounge. Rey was standing in the middle, shouting animatedly at a very bewildered Poe. It appeared he was in the throngs of playing Dejarik, but clearly his attention was no longer on the game.

"–talked to him, didn't you? I told you to stay out of it, but you just had to throw your opinion out there. Well, I'm sure you'll be happy to know that he's leaving... without me! You've won! You got what you wanted while I'm left with nothing." Poe glanced Ren's way, trying to silently plea to the man for help.

Ren stepped further into the lounge, grabbing Rey's attention. She laughed, not out of happiness, but irony. "This whole time I've been telling you that I wouldn't leave. Do you even know how many times the thought had crossed my mind, but I still chose not to do that to you?" Ren sensed the question was rhetorical, so he kept his mouth shut. "You're no different than my parents! You're no different than the two people who left me on a desert planet to rot!" Her arms flung outward, making Ren think that she was very close to using the Force on him.

"That's not true and you know it," he bit back, but with no real edge. "Rey, I came for you when you were trapped by Snoke, and I told you that our separation wouldn't be permanent."

"How can you know that? Because the Force told you? Forgive me, but I'm not in the mood to meditate for reassurance."

Poe shifted in his seat, not knowing what to do. The pilot was on his own because Ren was too focused on Rey. She was slowly unraveling and it was becoming increasingly difficult to watch.

"I just don't–" Her voice cracked as her throat constricted. "I don't understand… why everyone in my life wants to abandon me. Is there something wrong with me?" In that moment, she looked like the child that had been left behind on Jakku – so small, so fragile. Something that I can't detect or fix? Cause I would. I would fix it if I knew what was wrong. I just need a chance..."

Ren took a step closer. "No. No, Rey, there's nothing wrong with you and I'm not abandoning you."

"But that's what it feels like." She sniffled, no longer able to hold back her sobs. Her hands masked her face and muffled her cries as she stood awkwardly in the room. Ren wasn't sure what he should do. He felt like comforting her, but her anger was directed at him.

Her abandonment issues rivaled even his own and he could relate to what she was experiencing. He never fathomed he would be able to make someone feel this way, and the guilt that plagued him was heavy.

"Finn never abandoned you," Ren blurted out, searching for anything to calm her. He used the traitors 'name' to add more effect behind the statement, and it seemed to have worked. Rey lowered her hands, revealing her large, shocked eyes. Even Poe looked astonished that Ren had brought up the man he had refused to acknowledge in the past.

Rey was still hiccuping from her sobs as Ren pressed forward. "He could've ran right after I took you out in the snow, but he didn't. He grabbed the lightsaber and faced me. He had to have known I would kill him, but he still fought to protect you, to save you." Rey's longing to see her friend again was strong, causing a pang of jealousy to slice through him. Ren forced himself to not give into such reckless emotion, knowing that his ego needed to stay out of the situation.

Seconds passed as her breathing slowly evened and she wiped the tears from her face. "Once you leave, how will we ever find one another again," she whispered.

"Through our connection."

She chewed at her bottom lip, doubting the fullness of his words. "It can stretch"–she hiccuped–"across the galaxy?"

"I know it can."

She hugged her midsection, frozen, looking at the steel floor.

Her eyes were distant as she mulled over their discussion. A mild form of embarrassment radiated off of her, probably from the realization of how she'd acted in front of him. But Ren didn't judge her response in the slightest.

"I need to be alone for a while," she stated.

Rey strode past him to the door and Ren respected her wishes by not reaching out to stop her. He didn't plan on leaving immediately, so he would have another chance to talk with her soon… if she let him.

He glanced at the table, realizing that Poe had sat there, waiting for the altercation to finish. The pilot rose, giving Ren an indecipherable look. Fortunately, he didn't say anything, but wisely chose to leave him in the lounge with only his thoughts for company.

Witnessing Rey so vulnerable and desperate made Ren want to go back on his decision to leave. Maybe he should've thought this through more carefully before telling her in the forest. But he didn't like dragging things out and if he had, it would've tortured him more. He wouldn't have been able to listen to Rey talk about them leaving together while knowing where his head was at. It wouldn't have been fair to her.

Still, he could feel himself faltering on his decision.

If Rey asked him to stay, Ren wasn't sure he'd have the heart to tell her no. He knew he needed this, though. He needed to be on his own to organize this new, bizarre person he was becoming. Hopefully, Rey would come to accept that and not hate him for it.

They would see each other again; he believed that. He knew when the Force was trying to tell him something, and it was telling him that leaving was the course he needed take. For her and for him. It was going to be painful and full of obstacles, but he needed to grow up, make some sacrifices, and stop acting like a child.

He almost laughed at himself. I'm almost thirty years old and I still feel like a child in so many ways.

Ren rubbed the tension from his face, feeling the stubble of his incoming beard.

What a disaster.

A/N

Don't hate me! Rey and Ren will have more time to talk, I promise. Having Ren be the one to decide to be apart from Rey was to show how he is maturing and wants to have the chance to not have others influencing him. It is a very unselfish thing for him to do. As much as Rey wants to stay with him, she does not want to abandon her friends. Both characters need to wake up and see that they cannot escape the war in the galaxy. Distance makes the heart grow fonder, right? lol And As Ren said, it won't be for long.

If your hearts so desires it, follow, fave, or leave a review! I hope you are enjoying the ride so far.