The Space Between Stars

by VinVenture12

Kylo Ren has been humiliated by the scavenger and is now hunting her for retribution. He delves deeper into the depths of darkness along his journey, while Rey soars closer to the light. Strangers on opposite sides of a war, but bound together through their destinies. Both will do whatever it takes to survive, but who will come out victorious? Slow Reylo. Post TFA, Later M rating

20. Chapter 20

MaelsiC: Haha!The whole time I was wondering what was wrong with that spectator, but the reasoning definitely made me laugh! Thanks! I hope you love the whole journey forward and that you love the ending as well. I'm glad you are looking forward to them being a part for a while. They both need to grow on their own, but they will always have each other on their minds. Rey needs to learn how to feel less insecure and come to terms with her abandonment issues. ilovekyloren: Thank you so much for the compliments! I am my toughest critic so it is nice knowing someone enjoys the writing. I didn't want their relationship to be super fluffy and mushy, but more of a respectable one with some passion thrown into the mix. Ren's personal growth will be interesting going forward without Rey, but it will be more sincere. I hope this chapter is everything you were waiting for! SheLitAFire: I sent you a PM response, but I will touch upon some things from your review here. I wanted to give the Force bond its own feel, as in how they can shut their side of it off if they wished or download information from the other person. I wanted this story to feel like Star Wars, not just a Reylo fanfic. I am so glad you like it and thank you for recommending it to other Reylo fans! kimmycocopop: The origins of who the girl is will be revealed soon. Don't worry, the answers will come! I also wanted to highlight in the story that people without the Force could actually be worse than the ones who are Force users. Star Wars in general highlights that really well. Guest: I am happy you enjoy the slower pace of the story. The characters have a journey to go on, and it will all take time. Oh, I remember the days of studying and getting on fanfiction to escape. At least you are all caught up now and wont have to binge read! :) And you are very welcome for writing this story! CalistaLegaci: It would have been easy to write just a pure Reylo fanfic where the war didn't play a big part in it, but I just couldn't do that. This war is what brought all the characters together in the first place and to not make it a big deal would be a huge mistake, imo. It makes writing the fic a little more difficult, but it adds so much more to the story! We will see Leia again soon. Right now, just envision her being locked in a cell for a while. That is basically what she has been doing, but she will have stuff happen soon to further her story.

So there is A LOT of dialogue throughout this chapter. If I missed any spelling or grammatical errors, I apologize. I am going to go through it more finely over the next couple of days, but I just wanted to get it posted for now. I hope you all enjoy this very long chapter!

Chapter Twenty:

Rey sat on the durasteel floor, the cool of the metal seeping through her jumpsuit and into her skin. Her muscles were still frozen in a state of shock and disbelief. She kept staring at the door with unseeing awareness, her inner focus replaying the events that led to barricading herself in the room.

Every molecule that made up her unpredictable life was reeling, clawing itself into her bloodstream like a poison that wanted to claim her rationality. All her thoughts were a jumbled mess, none of them making any sense to her. With her cries spent and her shaking subsided, all she could do was sit and watch the smooth door through swollen eyes.

Memories of being on Jakku kept plaguing her, reminding her just how utterly alone she had been, how alone she soon will be. Dump. Ditch. Dispose. Throw out. Discard. All the different synonyms for the word 'abandon' ran through her mind, for she had learned them all through the various books she'd read while growing up...

...alone...

...on Jakku...

...in her own personal hell.

Confusion hit her as she thought of Ben and what he'd done for her. He spared her life on Ahch-To and wept while apologizing, not hiding his torrential anguish. On Spira, he was gentle with her, making her feel like a woman for the first time in her life. And that kiss… gods, she felt him wanting her.

Then, when Snoke had trapped her and she was dying, he came for her. He had taken the risk of being imprisoned in her mind to save her, to teach her the necessary ways of escaping. And when they finally were able to face each other and talk, he told her he was leaving her?

Rey didn't understand.

She knew how much he wanted to stay with her. She had sensed it over a thousand times since they'd been together. But out in the forest, he changed his mind about her and it had been lightening quick. One heartbeat, he had wanted to be with her, and then the next, it was gone. Over. Dead. Finished.

How can someone just decide something like that so quickly?

And he didn't even ask for her opinion, just said he was going to leave – that the Force wills it and that was that. Everything seemed to revolve around this omnipotent, mystical energy Rey still didn't really comprehend. She had spent, what, five minutes practicing with the Force and Ben just expects her to feel it tell her something? Maybe if she had meditated instead of napped on Ahch-To in an effort to see Ben, she would be more in tune with the universe. But no, her worry had outweighed her need to learn.

There had to be something wrong with her that made everyone want to ditch her. Was her aura off putting? Did her personality repulse people? What was it!?

Abruptly, she stood, teetering as the blood rushed from her head and into her legs. She breathed as her body adjusted to the sudden movement. The walls of the ship were closing in on her and she was very much in need of the openness of the wild. Her legs brought her to the door, but she faltered before unlocking it. Scenarios of running into Poe, or worse, Ben, played through her head. Rey was still immensely embarrassed over them witnessing her act like an indignant child. Well, Poe more than Ben. He was leaving her, so why should she care what he thought?

I heard him enter his room a little while ago, or was it hours ago? How long have I been in here? She decided to take her chances and opened the door.

The hallway was dim, evidence that the ship was in low power mode for the night. She stole a glance at Ben's door before proceeding to creep through the quiet passageways. Once in the cargo bay, she was elated to see that the ramp was still down. It would've made way too much noise if it had to be lowered again.

There was something so peaceful, so secretive about wandering around in the darkness. She felt hidden away from the problems that threatened to consume her. Even though she'd always thrived in the light of day, the twilight always held a special place in her heart.

She kept her simple stroll close to the wreckage of Maz's castle. The destruction reminded her of when her life had been spiraling out of control and how everything had changed once she met Kylo Ren in the forest.

Did that really happen to me?

She had changed so much since then; she wondered if it was for the better.

The air was just below the threshold of being comfortable, but the cold was welcoming on her creamy skin. Her legs guided her across big chunks of disfigured rocks, letting her climb to the top of a large mound. Craning her head up, she took in the glowing twin moons that painted the sky in a silver light. The brightness allowed only a few stars to shine through, but Rey was fine with having only the moons for company. The sun and the moon; one of the few things in her life she could always count on being there.

"It's a little late for a stroll… or is it too early? I guess it depends on your perspective." Maz was climbing up to Rey's position, not taking the time to ask if it was all right to join her.

After Rey had awoken from Snoke's carefully crafted trap, she had briefly spoken to Maz. She'd been more driven to be outside than to stay in the castle's basement, and Maz seemed to have been fine with not talking with Rey immediately. If anyone had patience, it would be an alien who was a thousand years old.

"The ship felt a little too crowded," Rey offered as an explanation.

Maz made it to the top and stood next to Rey, peering at the moons with her.

"Well, then, being outside is the perfect remedy." Rey nodded. A brief shuffling noise came from the small humanoid and Rey glanced down to see Maz sitting on the grey stone. Rey definitely towered over her now, so she sat down out of a sense of politeness.

"It would seem you and I are not the only ones who can't sleep tonight," Maz said. Rey gave her a questioning look. "Poe is in the underground hangar, working on the light freighter I gave him." Oh… "He told me about the argument on the ship, between you and Ben." Poe was proving to be not the most discreet person. He must like listening to the sound of his own voice…. "Ben is leaving, then?"

Rey exhaled. "Yep," was all she managed to say.

"You don't agree with his decision?"

Agree… peculiar word choice. Rey did not like the decision, but agree with it? She began to think over the reasoning Ben had given her, but it all seemed to pale in comparison to how she felt.

Maz interpreted Rey's silence, knowing that the subject was still too fresh of a wound to pick at.

Her core tightened, alarming her to the bundle of emotions threatening to overtake her again. After crying liters of tears, her eyes still had more to give.

Don't cry. You are done crying, she scolded herself.

"You've been through a lot since we last spoke," Maz observed.

A lot didn't seem to cover it. "I guess."

"The belonging you sought for… it would seem you have found it."

Rey chose to glare at the moon instead of showing flagrant disrespect toward Maz. "I haven't found anything." She needed to work on her harsh tone, though.

"Denying the truth will only make moving forward that much harder. I know fate when I see it." Rey lowered her sight, taking in the shimmering ripples across the formidable lake.

Fate. The last time she was here she had thought she knew what that meant. "I thought finding Luke and training to be a Jedi was where I needed to be, but you were wrong. I never truly belonged there."

"I never told you your path was to find Luke. You were the one who interpreted it that way."

Rey turned to Maz. "But… you didn't correct me when I said it."

The woman chuckled nimbly. "I do not know everything, Rey. I told you what the Force was impressing upon me at the time. It was up to you to understand the meaning."

The meaning. What was the meaning?

To belong somewhere was a fantasy she'd always entertained in her mind, like it was a home she could grow old in. She thought her home would be a physical place because that's what they were and hers would be no different. It would have a door that would open into a lovely room, filled with furniture, books, and happy memories. The roof over her head would provide her shelter and the walls would encompass her with the promise of safety.

Now, though, she realized her home didn't exist in a place, but a person. "I – I think I do understand. I've known for quite some time, but I guess I'm too afraid to truly accept it."

"What have you known?" Maz inquired.

"Ben. Him and I somehow… belong together," she whispered.

"Dear child, you've always wanted a family and someone to love you. Not just as a friend, but as a woman. There is nothing wrong with wanting these things, and do not feel guilty for wanting it from Ben. And you can have it – all of it. Through Ben, you can have everything you have ever yearned for, and more."

Life had never been that simple to her. "But, the person he was and might still be… the horrible things he's done…"

Maz sighed into the night. "Yes, the atrocities he's committed under the name Kylo Ren will plague you both, for a time. But I need you to know something." Maz twisted her small frame so she could better see Rey. "I have known Ben since he was just a baby. When he was a boy, Han would bring him here sometimes, even though Leia never wanted him to. With every visit, I could sense the Dark side shrouding him more and more." Rey grew intrigued, wanting to learn more about who Ben once was.

"While here, Ben would never stay by his father's side for long. He rather liked exploring the forest or sitting in a corner, observing all the different creatures that roamed my castle. The boy never noticed, but I would watch him when he did this." Maz paused briefly, thinking back on those times in her castle. "The way he would stare at others… was disturbing. His eyes were soulless, but filled to the brim with entertainment. I think even at such a young age, he imagined what it would be like to take a life, regardless of how innocent they were. He fantasized about power." This was not the direction Rey thought the story would go. "The Dark side has always been strong with him, even when he was a baby and couldn't decipher between right and wrong. I tried explaining this to Han, but he wouldn't listen. He didn't like to acknowledge the ways of the Force."

"Why are you telling me this?"

Maz clucked her tongue, looking for the proper explanation. "The way he handled you in the basement – carrying you close and placing you on the table with gentleness – made me see a side of him I never thought was there."

Now, Rey was curious. "What did you see?"

"I'll let him tell you that, but he cares for you deeply. I never thought I would see that in his eyes. Not ever. The only other person that came close to invoking such an emotion from him was his mother, but with you, it was there as clear as the rising sun. He did not try to hide it out of embarrassment or out of fear of looking weak. He wore it freely, not caring if anyone noticed." Ren viewed sentiment as a weakness, this Rey knew. But he hadn't been ashamed to show his feelings for her, and that made Rey shiver.

Maz's voice cut through her attention. "You two are stronger together, always remember that."

But we aren't going to be together anymore… "It doesn't matter. He's leaving me." The bitterness in her voice surprised her and sounded foreign.

"Do not take the decision he's made personally. And from what Poe told me, the separation isn't intended to be long. Did he explain to you his reasons for leaving?"

"Something about always being controlled by other people and not knowing who he was anymore." Has his whole life really been controlled by others? She contemplated the question. If Snoke has been with him since he was born, then yes, his life has never been his own. Rey unwillingly felt sympathy for him.

"This time alone… he needs this. And so do you," Maz said carefully. "He is right to get away from those who can manipulate him."

Rey snapped. "I am not manipulating him!" The words fanned out across the lake and into the forest.

Maz remained poised in light of Rey's outburst. "Maybe you are and you don't even know it. Either way, he needs to find himself on his own or else he will never truly change." Rey brought her legs up to her chest, wrapping her arms around them and resting her chin on her knees. Her lips started to quiver and suddenly, she was that little girl again, being dropped off on Jakku.

"The fear you have over being abandoned, you must let it go."

"I can't," Rey choked out.

Maz placed her small hand on Rey's shoulder, offering her comfort in the form of a mild squeeze. "I understand. Fear is a hard thing to relinquish, but a girl as young as you should not be tethered to such emotions. You must promise me you will work at overcoming it, yes?"

Rey nodded, purposely not making eye contact with the perceptive woman.

As Rey calmed, one thing struck her as peculiar. "Why do you seem fine with him being out in the galaxy, alone?" she asked. "You know what he's done, and I would think you would try to stop him from at least leaving."

"Me? Stop Ben? I understand and listen to the Force, but I could never fight him with it."

"But aren't you worried he might go back to the First Order? To… Snoke?"

"Yes, but this is a very important time in his life. He'll truly be alone, with no one to influence his decisions. What he chooses during this time will show you exactly who he desires to be."

"What if he chooses Snoke? That thing has been influencing him his whole life and I've only been with Ben for a handful of days. What am I supposed to do if he doesn't return?" Her eyes were darting all over Maz's orange features, desperately seeking an answer to her troubling questions.

"You are a very strong woman. I think you know what you would do if he chose to go back to his master."

Even though her sanity would pay the price, she wouldn't be able to allow him to become that monster again. That decision was a hard choice to swallow.

"Rey, if things ever go that way, you know you can come to me. I'll help you in whatever way I can. Just know you will always have a place here. A place to hide… from him, if need be."

Maz's offer gave Rey enough solace to not be consumed by her dread. "Thank you."

Maz patted her shoulder before resting it on the stone. "You should go spend as much time with him as possible, before he goes. Just tell him that he cannot escape the conversation I still need to have with him."

Ben would no doubt try to find a way out of that situation. "What are you going to say to him?"

"Well, it won't go as smoothly as this conversation. Nor will I be as kind. That boy needs a firm lecture, which is something his parents never gave him." The mention of his parents made Rey think of Han and how he had offered her a job aboard the Falcon. She clung to that memory and how it made her feel flattered.

"Han…" Maz's stare seemed long and distant as she muttered her friends name. "I felt the moment he died, you know. I knew that Ben had been the one to kill him. Can you – would you be willing to tell me what happened? I sense in your emotions that you witnessed it."

"I did," Rey whispered. The last time she described the traumatizing scene was when she was on Ahch-To, which wasn't that long ago. Could she recall the event to Maz without sounding like she was on the verge of shattering into a thousand sharp pieces? A corner of her mind was nudging her, trying to tell her that Maz not only wanted to satiate her curiosity, but to also talk about it with Ben. He would never explain to Maz what transpired on that bridge, but Rey would tell her the truth. Not just about what she saw, but also about the dream she had from Han's perspective.

The tale that left her lips was easier to illustrate this time, and that made Rey shift with discomfort. Since when did death become so easily to describe? It was like a part of herself was starting to forgive Ben for what he'd taken from her, and she wasn't sure if she wanted to embrace that feeling or not. It was more comfortable to hold onto her grudge than to let it go.

Rey recognized that as the dark side and it frightened her with how she wanted to welcome it, rather than run from it.

"You're still angry with him for killing his father," Maz stated more than questioned.

"I don't know how not to be. You should've seen what he did. He wasn't wearing his mask, and his face had this relief to it that was sickening as he rammed the saber into Han's chest. He even thanked him. Thanked him!"

"But you said he instantly regretted the act he committed... after Han fell."

Rey inhaled through her nose and exhaled out of her mouth, calming her rising anger. "He did, but Han's still dead. It doesn't matter how much Ben regrets it; it'll never bring him back."

"If there is even a sliver of the Ben I knew somewhere inside him, he'll find a way to punish himself for it. And he'll make it as painful and as dragged out as possible."

Rey scoffed, watching her hot breath disappear into the cold air. "I don't know how much good that'll do him. He's a sadist, and I even suspect a masochist. He enjoys pain way too much."

"From Snoke's doing, I'm sure." Maz added.

Slowly, Rey shook her head. "I don't know. Even if Snoke never came into his life, there are some characteristics about him that I think he'd still have."

"Perhaps… But in my thousand years of life, I've come to realize that it's a waste of time to focus on the "what ifs" and the "maybes". The Light side of Force is the only thing that will guide you. It will always be your ally, never an enemy. Besides, we aren't sure what Ben's training entailed while being Snoke's apprentice. It would've involved breaking him, that's for sure. That is what the Dark side does." Rey never put much thought into what exactly Ben's training had been and it made her uncomfortable to even think about it. One day, though, she would need to find out.

Maz continued her narrative, letting her hands become animated as she spoke. "The Dark side waits for you to seek it, to grow curious of its strength. It grows stronger and more insidious the closer your drawn to it. It begs you to surrender, to release all its terrible power… and it becomes harder and harder to resist. Do not dip into it. Always fight it." Maz stared at Rey beseechingly. "You'll be tested immensely, Rey, and it won't be from where you expect. Remember that the power the Dark side promises you is an illusion. When it uses you to fulfill its purposes, it will cast you aside – drained and disfigured." Maz's tone was personal and faraway, remembering a time in her life that was full of anguish. Rey didn't pry, knowing that people had a right to their own well of secrets.

"Go. Find Ben. You'll regret not spending time with him when you easily had the chance."

Rey's eyes roamed across the broken stones and water. "You'll be fine if I leave you alone?"

Maz grinned tenderly. "My dear, I am not alone. I have the remnants of my castle to keep me company."

With a grateful smile and a timid goodbye, Rey started her journey back to the ship. For the first time in hours, she opened their connection and found Ben's side to be completely open. It was strange how she was the one who preferred to remain guarded, while he rarely closed himself off from her.

Ben was in the early stages of sleep, tossing and turning in his small bed aboard the ship. Rey made her way to his room, surprised to find it unlocked. He'd left it that way as an invitation for her to come inside when she was ready to face him.

Breathe in. Breathe out.

She was not going to succumb to the childish outbursts she had exhibited earlier. His decision had been made and Maz was right: she should spend the remaining time they had together.

The door opened upon her command, casting the dim light of the hallway into the dark room. Ben was sprawled out on his stomach, his arms wrapped around the white pillow beneath his head. He was still in his dark clothes from earlier and the paleness of his uncovered feet stuck out against the black attire. Lightly, she took a step inside, hiding the sound of her movements.

His eyes popped open behind his loose strands of hair, but his body remained still. Rey froze, not knowing how appropriate it was to be in there. With him. In the dark. Alone. I should have thought this through more.

"Stay," his rough voice implored. His request was a snare unto her resolve and dug decisively through her defenses as it reeled her in. The door slid closed behind her – not by her command, but his – and draped the room into darkness. Neither spoke as she willed her heavy feet to take her to the bed. With her arms outstretched, she felt the cold bunk railing come against her palms. She took off her boots and sat down at the edge, unsure of to what to do next.

Rey heard him move and then felt his long arm snake around her waist, causing every inch of her skin to immediately flush. Gently, he pulled her further in, pressing her back against his midsection. His arms wrapped around her and she rested her head against his defined bicep.

They remained like that for a while: her body curled into his and his breath fanning into her hair. She would've thought him asleep if he weren't nuzzling against her neck every few minutes.

"I just got back from speaking with Maz. She's expecting to talk with you before you go." Ben didn't acknowledge Rey, but kept burrowing into her. "She asked... about Han and I told her what I saw..."

He paused a fraction of a second before continuing.

"Mmmmm…" he inhaled. "Your hair smells amazing. What did you do to it?" Stars, his voice was deep… and intimate.

"I had it washed in Khalon." She chuckled quietly, deciding to get lost in the feel of him. "I never knew such a place existed. At first I thought how ridiculous it all looked, but then I had my hair done and I could see why people pay for stuff like that. You really like it that much?"

He nodded against her. "Mmm hmm. I should go back to Khalon and get whatever they used."

Rey played along. "Well, now I don't regret paying for it if you like it that much."

"Technically, I paid for it, but it was money well spent." His fingers were running through her delicate hair and she could feel his fingernails glide across her scalp, making the hairs on her arms stand up. "Tell me more about your time in the city. You must've had fun since you didn't want to leave."

"I was having fun, until you, the bounty hunter, and one of your knights showed up."

A jolt made his body twitch. "My knights? One of them was there?"

"Yeah, but I fought him off with your lightsaber."

Ben was momentarily speechless. "You – you used my saber?"

"Uh... yes. It was weird and heavy, but I was able to get the skill of how to use it from your mind. If I hadn't, I probably would've cut my hand off. That weapon is hardly practical."

He smirked against her hair. "You have to adapt your fighting style with the lateral vents." She chuckled at his obvious statement. "I wish I'd been there to see you wield it." Something about the way he said that made a tremor shoot through her body. The sensation was… welcoming.

"Rey?"

"Yes?

"Where was your lightsaber?"

Damn.

"I had nowhere to hide it so... I didn't bring it. But I learned my lesson and will now have it with me wherever I go. All right? No need to lecture me." She spewed the sentence out quickly, not in the mood for a chastisement.

"Okay," was all he said.

That went… smoother than she thought it would go, thank the Force.

Getting back on topic, she continued to speak of the fight and her adventure through the city as they quickly fell into a comfortable rhythm. He listened, his interest genuinely piqued, and asked her questions so he could visualize everything she did, especially when it came to the duel. He praised her for winning, even if she did technically 'cheat' by copying his knowledge.

Her shopping excursion didn't hold his attention like the duel had, which she figured would happen. She moved onto the food she had enjoyed, describing the taste of the miniature apple pie. Her mouth began to water as she spoke, but Ben didn't hold the same affection for the dessert like she did.

"You don't like fruit pies?" she asked as she twisted around, his hold on her slackening so she could scoot back slightly. He took his arm out from under her, but his left remained draped over her waist.

"Not really. I don't like the taste of the fruit. Too bitter, and the warm texture is weird and off-putting. I always ate the sugary crust, though. That part I liked. It would always drive my mother crazy when I ate the crust off of the pie before anyone else could have some." Ben tensed, realizing that he just talked about his family in such a nonchalant way. His emotions were rapidly firing, warning him that he was close to an edge he did not want to fall from. Abruptly, he closed himself off from her.

Rey reached up, placing her open palm on his face, feeling the incoming of his facial hair. "Don't hide yourself. I'd like to hear more about your life, before it all… changed. I've told you about my time on Jakku. At this point, I feel like you know more about me than I do about you."

Her thumb stroked the part of his cheek below his eye as he took a moment to mule over her appeal. "My life, before all this…. I try not to think about it. It wasn't as happy as you might think."

"But you had a mother and a father, something I never had. Surely, you have one happy memory from your childhood."

"My parents are trivial, and just because I wasn't left on a barren planet, doesn't mean I didn't undergo a different form of abandonment," he cut at her. Her thumb paused, but she kept her hand on his face. She knew his sharp outburst was a reaction to being in an uncomfortable situation, so she tried not to take it personally.

Still, his comment sliced deep.

After a few tense moments of silence, he exhaled, grabbing her hand that rested on his cheek. He didn't tear it away, but instead rested his palm against her skin. "I shouldn't have said that. I'm sorry," he murmured. Was it really too much to ask of him to recount his childhood?

Maybe the happy memories were just as bad as the unpleasant ones, she thought. Maybe the joyous moments make it all seem too real to him.

Ben cleared his throat, pulling her attention away from analyzing him. "I do remember this one time, when I was eleven… I wanted to go to this traveling science museum when it came to the city and my… mother… promised to take me, but bailed when the Senate called her." He stopped, making Rey wonder if this was the whole of the happy memory he was recounting.

"Uh, Ben? This doesn't sound very pleasant…" She wanted him to focus on happier times, not the bad. He pulled her hand down to his chest, intertwining his fingers with hers. His grip was firm, which reciprocated to her how uneasy he'd become. Her eyes were starting to adjust to the small amount of light the door operating panel gave to the room, allowing her to see Ben's face.

He was nervous.

"Oh, it is. The ending is good, it's just…" Again, he fell silent. His muscles were tense, like they would break from the slightest pressure. What is going on? "I remember going to school that day, angry and wanting to be alone. I had only been sitting in my first class for five minutes when my… when Han suddenly showed up. He wasn't supposed to be there. He had this race going on and shouldn't have been back till the latter part of the year. When he found out Leia had cancelled our excursion, he came home to take me to the exhibit. He pulled me out of class and we headed straight there."

Rey closed her eyes, visualizing an excited young Ben seeing his father after a long period of absence. It was a good picture, a real picture.

"I never could understand what made him ditch his precious race to spend the day with me," Ben continued. "It never made sense, but I didn't try to question him about it. I just went along, pretending like we did that sort of thing all the time. And for once, he didn't look at me indifferently or like I was a freak. It was like I was a normal kid." She adjusted her legs, feeling his feet against her arches. Even through her thick socks, the coldness of his toes trickled into her skin. "He tried to act interested as he followed me around, but science didn't fascinate him like it did me. When we got toward the back of the exhibit, I forgot to tell him that there was going to be... well, some graphic content on display. One look and he immediately proceeded to vomit all over this older lady in front of us. Almost got us kicked out." Ben was smiling; she could hear it in his tone. As he took in a deep breath, Rey wanted to try and get into his mind to see exactly what he was reliving. She wasn't sure she could make such a technique work, but she was more than eager to test it out. But, she didn't – and not because she thought it would be difficult to accomplish. The revelations he chose to share with her freely were more precious than anything she could take from him.

"I think after that, he thought he ruined the trip somehow, so he tried to cheer me up by buying me a bunch of stuff I didn't need. I didn't stop him or tell him that his company was enough…. " With his smile now gone from his tone, he solemnly said, "That museum was one of the rare times I remember being purely happy. It was also the last time my… he and I did something together." The last statement hung in the air, swallowing up every ounce of joy it could devour and leaving behind only despair in its wake.

Rey's heart lurched, knowing that Ben's thoughts were now playing over that day he met his father on the bridge. She knew it was impossible, but how she wished she could go back in time. So many things she would change.

The few moments Ben had been silent were now stretching into several minutes. Her right hand trembled as she found his cheek, feeling the warm tears that were quietly cascading over his rough skin. She kept her animosity over Han's death at bay, trying instead to focus on the remorse rippling off of Ben's aura. The sorrow was all-encompassing and Rey decided to keep the conversation alive in hopes of relieving some of the pain.

She cleared her throat. "What graphic things were there? In the museum?"

Her question brought him back to the present as his hand rose to wipe his face. He quickly grabbed her hand once he was done. "You will think me strange if I say."

Rey frowned. "Cause I don't think you strange already?"

He chuckled through his nose. "Good point. The things on display were cadavers."

"Cadavers?" The word sounded familiar, but she didn't know its meaning.

"A corpse."

What?

"What? They had dead bodies laying around the museum? Who in their right mind would want to look at something like that?" Then she realized the one person who would want to was in bed with her. What fascinated Ben was really… strange.

I can see why Han was not too thrilled for that part of the museum.

Ben laughed at Rey's shocked reaction. "No, it's not like that. Cadavers are used in scientific and medical research, and their bodies have chemicals in them to keep them from decaying. The museum had human and humanoid ones on display, so you could see muscles, nerves, and organs. They all –" She could sense his growing excitement at explaining the odd practice to her, so she was alarmed when he suddenly stopped talking.

"You can keep telling me about it. I'm listening; I swear." Honestly, the subject made her stomach roll in discomfort, but Ben sounded so normal, that she didn't want him to stop. She sensed that in that moment, he was more like the person he used to be, and that recognition made her soar with delight.

His toes curled up, tickling her feet and causing her to twitch. "I know you're listening. Even if what I say disturbs you."

She shrugged awkwardly against the bed. "I've heard you speak of worse things." The Jedi academy came to her thoughts, taking her ease down a few notches.

"That you have," he uttered softly. He brought their intertwined hands up to his face and brushed her skin against his lips. "Do you know why science fascinated me so much?" He asked, his warm breath washing over the back of her hand.

"No," was all Rey could respond with, her mind focusing on just feeling.

"I wanted to be a doctor."

Her eyes widened. "Really?"

Ben smiled against her skin. "You seem surprised."

She definitely was surprised, which she now realized could be perceived as sort of an insult. "Well, it's just…" her sentenced teetered off into the darkness.

He squeezed her hand. "You can be honest with me."

Okay.

"Aren't doctors supposed to be, I don't know…. Compassionate people?" Thankfully, Ben did not take offense to her statement, but chose to heartily laugh instead.

He lowered their hands and caressed his thumb against her skin. "I used to be a very different person, but I always struggled with having compassion for others. My desire to be a doctor stemmed from the enjoyment I would receive from studying medicine. I would usually fake the caring part."

Rey saw the fallacy in that statement. "Well, you cared enough to fake it. So I could argue that you actually did care for other people."

Ren blinked and Rey waited to see if he agreed with her assessment. "That… is an apt statement. You are a very smart person, you know that?"

Now that sounded ridiculous. Especially coming from him. "Not as smart as you, I'd wager," she timidly said.

"Why do you say that?"

"The way you talk sometimes shows that you're highly educated."

He froze, but found his voice rather quickly. "Highly educated? Rey, I stopped going to school when I was shipped off to the academy. I was only thirteen."

"But didn't they have classes at the academy?"

"They taught basic subjects, but I was so far ahead of all the other students that I never went to them. I studied on my own, teaching myself the things I wanted to know."

She chewed at her lower lip anxiously. Well, he still had some form of education while she clearly didn't. "Ben?"

"Hmm?"

"I never went to school." Shame filled her words as she revealed that embarrassing truth.

"I know," he replied politely.

Of course he knew. Anyone with a brain would know there was no such thing as a school on Jakku. But still, she had to confess it. "Do you think less of me… because of it?"

"What?!" Rey nearly jumped from his booming voice. "Rey, no. No, I don't." His intonation lowered to a more acceptable level, one you didn't want to cover your ears from. He shifted back slightly so Rey could look at him. "Never think that about yourself, okay? You had to teach yourself everything and I find that incredibly inspiring. It would've been so easy for you to give up and put all your focus into surviving, but your thirst for knowledge drove you to learn when it wasn't necessary – when it wouldn't have given you an edge over the other scavengers."

Stars, he didn't understand how much she needed to hear that. "So, one of the reasons you're leaving isn't because you view me as a lowly scavenger?"

In one quick motion, his body pressed up against hers as he released her hand and wrapped his arms around her shoulders. Her temple was pressed against his chest, allowing her a way to breathe while in his smothering embrace.

"No. You're my equal, Rey. Where you come from matters little to me. It's who you are that I care about."

Who I am…. She would've given anything for someone to say these things to her when she was younger. And now, someone finally was.

She'd found her other half where it shouldn't have been possible.

His scent wafted into her nose: a mixture of soap, sweat, and something sweet. She had nothing to compare it to, but that's what she liked. This new scent was all Ben, an identity that her nose would not soon forget. But now that he was leaving, maybe she would… "If I asked you to stay, would you?" The question came from her lungs before she could think properly. While she had enjoyed lying there and pretending tomorrow was never going to happen, she couldn't hold it off any longer.

"Yes," he said with gravity. "I wouldn't have the strength to tell you no, but please, don't ask me."

With one simple command, she could make him stay with her. The control she held in this moment was astounding, especially since it was over him. Her mouth opened, drawing air into her lungs to give the request upon its exhale, but then, she faltered. His voice...the plea... it sounded like he was truly begging her not to ask, and fearful that she actually would.

For a man who seemed so sure of his path hours ago, he was now faltering with his choices, all because of her. No, I can't do this to him. I can't take this away from him.

Maz's words came to mind, beckoning her to remember what she had felt throughout their conversation. "You should go," she flatly stated.

Somehow, he squeezed her closer. "I can't leave until you understand the reasoning behind my decision."

"I do understand and it does make sense. I just – It's hard for me to let you go when I just found you. I wish we had more time to spend with each other."

"We could've had more time…" he murmured under his breath. The sentence was full of venom, but it wasn't directed at her. She pulled back, needing to speak to him face to face.

"What do you mean?"

The following tale was hard to fathom. He spoke of finding the girl in her mind, not hiding his hatred toward the unknown being. The bond Rey thought she formed from her amateurish attempt at blocking Ben out had actually been formed by this girl – the one that was apparently inside her somehow.

Can the Force just do this to people's lives?

Rey felt violated and powerless from having a destiny forced upon her when all she wanted was a family and to feel wanted. And Ben's fall was necessary? Rey wanted to find this girl and strike her across the face for toying with her life, and his. She didn't ask for this, so why did this have to happen to her?

The way Ben relayed the information sounded like they shared the same sentiments.

Rey remained silent for a few moments, collecting her wits and analyzing Ben's account. "Are you sure she isn't lying? I mean, who knows what her agenda is."

Ben's hair ruffled against the pillow as he shook his head. "No, she's telling the truth. I could sense it. And too many things make sense that didn't before."

"What didn't make sense before?"

"Well..." He went silent, a certain pressure building up inside of him. He was uncomfortable, with a tinge of embarrassment mixed into his ambiance. Much to her disapproval, Ben released her hand and flattened onto his back, the distance between them warning her that something was amiss. So many things she still did not know about him. Would she ever find out his secrets? Or will he take them to his grave?

Rey scooted closer, feeling his warmth radiate into her. Finally, he spoke. "When I saw you for the first time, scared and trying to get away from me, I couldn't help but be immediately drawn to you." Ever since waking up on Takodana, that event had cycled through her mind on repeat. Now, she realized, Ben was explaining his side of what he experienced that day. To say she was absolutely entranced by what he was saying was an understatement. Rey's astute attention hung on his every word.

"I know you didn't feel the same," he added softly.

"Uh, no. I definitely didn't feel drawn to you in the slightest. Your attire kinda made that impossible." Ben chuckled, which irked her. Her statement was not supposed to come across as a joke.

Somehow, even though the bond was closed, he still picked up on her annoyance. "Sorry. It's just... my battle attire is meant to intimidate, but I think if you saw me in it now, you'd probably outright laugh at me."

No, she inwardly disagreed. While she wasn't afraid of Ben, that mask still made her cringe with fear and animosity. No need for him to know that, however.

She prayed she would never have to see him in that mask again.

"Anyway," he said on an exhale, "once I Force stunned you, I was able to get a good look at you. You were so…" he trailed off.

"So what?" Rey nudged.

"Beautiful."

Excuse me?

Rey lifted her upper body from the mattress, resting her weight on her left arm. "Beautiful? Beautiful?!" Anger laced her voice, causing Ben to stir in confusion.

"You can't seriously be upset with what I just said. I gave you a compliment."

"You do realize you're talking about me when I was absolutely helpless, at my most vulnerable, and completely terrified of you, right?" She spat back at him. "And you found that beautiful?"

His eyes almost popped out of their sockets. "Whoa, whoa, whoa… I wasn't talking about the whole situation; I was speaking purely on a superficial level. The contour of your face, the shape of you body – that sort of thing. Your outward fear I didn't find attractive, okay?"

Rey was not completely convinced. "I thought you liked seeing fear in others."

He sighed. "You're a different case. At the time, I ignored your discomfort so I could focus on finding the map."

Ugh, that map. Rey hated that map.

She gave him one more skeptical stare before relaxing back down onto the bed. "Okay." Now, his comments began to properly hit her ears and she digested his them with a sounder mind. Beautiful. He thinks I'm beautiful. And what he said about my body... "So, you find me attractive?" Rey asked innocently, not sure if it was an appropriate question to ask someone. It sounded way too straight forward and inviting.

He turned to her, resting his head on his bent arm. "You know I do," he said with not an ounce of shame in his voice or face. "Now, shall I continue with my story, or would you like me to shower you with more compliments?"

"Please, continue, but I'll be expecting the showering of compliments later," she jested, trying to reverse the edgy atmosphere. Ben gave her that big, goofy grin she liked so much, which he tamed down into a more casual smile as he spoke.

"When I looked into your mind, I saw something… something that felt so familiar."

"Was it the girl?"

"No. This felt oddly like a part of myself was with you, and I didn't understand how something like that was possible. I've studied so much about the Force, but none of my knowledge could explain what I had stumbled upon."

Rey knew, though. "The Force bond. That's what you found."

"Yeah, and looking back on it now, it should've been obvious. So you see, the girl spoke only the truth about you and me. The bond has been there your whole life, and for a part of mine."

The stubborn side of Rey was having a hard time letting the last of her doubts go. "Wouldn't you feel something like that form, though? I mean, you were ten, old enough to know when something felt different to you."

He shrugged. "There were signs, but I never would've been able to interpret it for what it was. I was gifted in the Force, but not that gifted at the time." Again, she sensed his discomfort. What is he hiding?

"What were the signs?"

Ben glanced away from her momentarily, looking at the bunk above, like he could find the words flashing on the metal railings. "How about I tell you when we see each other again? It will give you something to look forward to."

"Seeing you again is plenty to look forward to." To push, or back off, Rey thought. If she pushed him too hard, he would get defensive, just like earlier. "You just don't want to tell me right now, is that it?"

His eyes remained up top. "I'll tell you... one day."

Choose your battles, Rey. There are other things you need to discuss. "When are you leaving?"

"Tomorrow, sometime. Maybe the morning."

She chewed at the inside of her cheek, nervous to ask her request. "There is one thing I want you to do for me, before you go."

At this, he glued his eyes to her. "Anything."

"Teach me how to swim, without the distractions this time."

His demeanor changed lightening quick as he gazed at her in a lively manner. "Mmmm… But I like distractions. "

That voice was low and seductive and if Rey had been standing, her knees would have gone weak. She did her best to act serious, all the while feeling her heart race. "Well, I would really like to learn how to swim this time around." Thank the Force her voice didn't falter.

Ben inched closer. He bit his upper lip and Rey's mouth parted involuntarily. "If I remember correctly, you were the one who grew curious. You kissed me, I was just an innocent bystander."

Remain calm, remain calm. "Innocent," she croaked out. "What a load of bantha fodder." Her jest had sizzled out to a whisper and her breathing became hard.

He coyly smiled, taking satisfaction in how he was obviously affecting her. "Rey?"

"Hmmm?"

With his smile faded, his eyes scoured her soul and peered right at the truth of her. "Do you regret kissing me?"

Admittedly, kissing him made things more complicated. That memory made her want more from Ben, physically and emotionally. How would other people take the news of their odd and undefined relationship? Not well, she thought. But others opinions aside, did she regret it? "No." No, I don't. "Do you?"

"Never," he curtly answered.

She gulped. "Just don't let anything like that happen during the lesson. I really don't want to be afraid of the water anymore." The pounding of his heartbeat was on her palm and she could feel his hard, powerful chest. Wait – how did my hand get there? She all but glared at her hand for betraying her self control.

Ben noticed her faltering and found it entertaining. "I'll behave if you will, how about that?"

"I guess that's as close to a promise I'll get out of you, huh?" Geez, her voice was shaky.

"Yep." Those long fingers glided up her forearm, caressing its way up to her shoulder, causing her flesh to catch fire from his sensual touch. Without her armbands, her skin was completely at his disposal.

If she tried to leave the bed, she might fall over from how weak her legs felt. "Is it okay if I stay here with you tonight?"

His fingers weaved into her hair and paused on the back of her head. "Were you under the impression I was going to let you leave?"

Her smile was impossible to thwart. "Am I your prisoner now?"

"I wouldn't say prisoner. More like… my guest." His grin stretched from ear to ear and Rey laughed into the still air. Yeah, she recalled where he last used that line.

It might have been too soon to joke about that particular situation, but her body wouldn't allow her to think too hard about it. All its focus was on feeling; not the past. "You like being sarcastic, don't you?" she queried. Slowly, his smile shrank down into a straight line as his eyes lost their playful sparkle.

Did I say something wrong again?

With furrowed brows and a far away look, he said, "I used to be a very sarcastic person. A long time ago."

"You still are. Trust me, Ben." He nodded, but the glint of humor didn't return.

Rey burrowed into him, causing him to relax against her. She was cocooned in his arms, the only place she felt warm and safe. The thuds of his heart and the breath in his lungs resonated in her ear, making her lips stretch into a content smile. She always wanted this: the warmth of another body beside her, the strength of having someone care.

Ben's chin rested at the crown of her head and he exhaled deeply before speaking. "Since you won't allow any distractions tomorrow, can I… kiss you before you go to sleep?" The reaction throughout her body was instantaneous. With the eruption of heat from her core and the tingly sensation in her fingers and toes, she pulled her head back, arching up as he locked his dark eyes with hers. His desire for her was crackling through the air, and even though Rey was tempted to know the full extent of his feelings by opening their connection, she resisted. She was too afraid his passions would overwhelm her.

No words came from her mouth, but Ben didn't need any to know her answer. Slowly, he closed the distance between their mouths, pressing the softest of kisses on her lips.

How gently he came to her. Even with his bulk and his power, he came to her… gently. Her want for him was not quantifiable, but rested deep down within her in a place impossible to compute. It was something incorporeal, but absolute. Just as some people were drawn to earthquakes, monsoons, or lightening, Rey liked that indefinable – but powerful – feeling Ben gave her.

The kiss was chaste and sweet, like something two familiar lovers would share in the comfort of their own world. Ben pulled back, the taste of his breath cascading over her tongue. She needed more – she needed her tongue dipping into his mouth, her skin pressed against his, and her hands to travel to places deemed secretive and inappropriate. Surely, he could sense those wants from her.

Ben kissed her forehead and guided her head back against his broad chest. "You're not ready to go there, Rey. And neither am I. Not yet." She sighed, the logic of the situation overriding her emotions. Going that far would only complicate things further, but was it wrong that part of her didn't care?

"Go to sleep," he whispered.

"I don't want to."

"Why not?"

"When I wake, it will be tomorrow. And tomorrow, you leave."

He gave her no response as he held her close. Rey was trying to sear the feel of him into her mind so she could call upon it when she was back at the base. She was going to feel alone and she was going to feel uncertain, but maybe the memory of the time they shared together would help her till she saw him again.

()()()()()

Ren woke an hour before Rey. His eyes were already adjusted to the minimal amount of light the door panel and chrono blinked into the room. He was on his back, Rey's head resting on his chest and her leg flung over his torso. She was holding onto him tightly, a wad of his tunic in the hard grip of her hand. With her head angled up, he could see more of her face, and he took the opportunity to stare at her unhindered and unashamed.

Last night had been amazing.

It was still amazing since she was still with him. They had established a rhythm almost immediately as they conversed with one another. It felt so comfortable and natural to talk to her, like they'd had millions of conversations before that one. And her lips, that kiss… it went beyond perfection and into the realm of addiction. Her palpable arousal had instantly made him hard, which, thank the Force, she hadn't noticed. It had taken every ounce of his self control not to act like an inappropriate teenager in the throes of puberty.

Even though she was fast asleep against him, he still had the urge to do just that. Those thoughts, so primal and carnal, made him feel like a starved man that wanted to taste not just the lips of her mouth, but also the lips of her womanhood.

He focused on her young features, trying to quell this intense yearning within him. Her cheek was smooshed against his chest, causing her mouth to pucker open slightly. A small trail of drool trickled down onto his tunic, but he didn't care in the slightest. Rey's innocence was endearing to gawk at.

She stirred and Ren patiently watched as her lids fluttered open. The lights came on at his command, right as Rey glanced up at him. "Hello," he greeted.

"Hey." She wiped her mouth and looked down at his black tunic, noticing the spot of drool. She blushed from embarrassment.

"Don't worry about it," he pacified. "Did you sleep well?"

She rubbed her eyes, stifling a yawn. "Yes. Best sleep I've ever had, actually."

"Me, too." His nights usually involved him tossing and turning, causing him not to sleep soundly. Last night, though, he didn't wake once, which was a rarity for him.

Neither wanted to get off the bed, but both knew that prolonging it would only make things worse.

Rey went to the refresher as Ren went to see what he could gather for an early morning meal. He entered the lounge, hearing a clanking noise come from the corner. To his left, Poe was going through the myriad of tools in the storage closet, but stopped when he heard the door slide open. Ren briefly glanced at the man before proceeding to the galley. He went straight for a choc bar and ate it while searching for the elusive rations. After finding only a few, he made a mental note that he needed to procure some more or he was going to be very hungry while traveling.

Except I have no money now.

"You really like chocolate, don't you?" Poe mused. Ren didn't turn around to face Poe, but rather focused on the task of opening a ration packet. "If you're not too careful, it'll go straight to your waistline." Ren dropped the ration on the counter and spun around, scrutinizing the annoying man in the entryway.

"You want to talk to me about something, or you just going to make snarky comments about my diet?" It wasn't like Poe to dance around a subject.

Poe folded his arms, growing serious. "I told you to convince her to come with me to the Resistance, not flat out leave her."

His stomach growled, demanding more sustenance than sugar. "She's going with you to the base. Why do you care how I went about making it happen?"

"I told you how attached she was to you and then you go and break her by saying you're leaving her. You saw how affected she was by it. That was a shitty thing to do."

Ren's glare pinched at the annoying man before him. "You told me I was being selfish by keeping her with me, and now you complain that it's 'shitty' for me to leave her. It's a good thing I don't care what you think or I'd die of exhaustion trying to gain your favor."

"Look man, I'm just trying to say you could've gone about it in a different way."

Oh, really? "And what different way would that be? Lead her on? Make her think we weren't going to be separated when I knew better? I don't like to drag things out; she deserved to know the moment I made up my mind."

Poe defensively lifted his hands. "Fine. Whatever. What's done is done. But you should find her and make things right before you leave."

Ren went back to the ration packet on the counter. "We already talked," he mumbled. "I made amends."

"Is she okay?"

"She's fine," Ren said over his shoulder. He popped pieces of the flavorless ration in his mouth, chewing quickly so his body could collect the calories.

The pilot's footsteps came closer. "Where will you go?"

Ren twisted around, noticing the guy encroaching on his personal space. "Not sure yet."

Suddenly, Poe shoved his hand out into the open space between them, a piece of paper in his hand. "Here." Ren looked at it dubiously before grabbing the paper and unfolding it to see what was written inside. It was a Holonet address, one that he wasn't familiar with. "That's my family's personal HoloNet account. I'm the only person who ever uses it. If you – If you ever get into trouble or need help, you can send me a personal message. I'll be discreet. I won't let anyone know."

What.

The.

Hell.

Something odd lurched in Ren's stomach, making its way into his chest. It felt heavy, like a weight – no, it was more like a descending sensation, as if he had been floating and gravity had slowly turned back on. It had been so long since anything, other than Rey, had broken through the numbness or the rage and his heart couldn't seem to keep its rhythm steady as he looked at the damn piece of paper. The bond he had with Rey allowed her to see the side of himself he didn't even like to acknowledge, but made them emotionally closer than usual. Poe, though, had no reason to hand him this lifeline; he had no reason to show him mercy.

Ren was feeling… what? Gratitude? Camaraderie?

Poe watched and waited to see what Ren did with the paper. He considered crumpling it up and throwing it in the pilot's face, but… he didn't. Instead he folded it and placed it in his trousers pocket, not wanting to know the reason why he just did so.

Poe inhaled. "Whatever you do, don't go back to the First Order." Ren raised his sight to Poe's, noticing the pained expression in his eyes. "It would devastate Rey, and I… wouldn't want to meet you in a battle and have to kill you."

Ren quirked a brow. "You think you could kill me?"

"I'd try, even if it meant my death."

The corner of Ren's mouth rose slightly. "Always the hero."

Poe grinned and shrugged, choosing to play along. "Eh, you know me." Both men stood in their spots, not knowing what else to say to one another.

Poe interpreted the silence as his cue to leave, but halted after taking two steps toward the entryway. He angled his head to the side, not looking completely over his shoulder before saying, "Just watch your back out there, alright?" Poe didn't wait for a response as he hurried out of the galley and crossed the lounge, disappearing through the hallway to the private living quarters.

Everything was changing at a pace that was hard for Ren to keep up with.

()()()()()

Rey stayed true to her nature by quickly learning how to hold her own in the water.

She wore the same attire from their last swimming lesson, so Ren was properly prepared to see Rey without drooling over her appearance like a dumbstruck fool. The lake water was a lot colder than Spira's, much to Rey's displeasure, but she wouldn't let that stand in the way of accomplishing her goal. Ren was actually grateful for the chilly water – it helped him focus on not getting too handsy with Rey.

After a couple hours of hard work, Rey was now treading water in the middle of the lake like she'd been doing it her whole life. "I don't know why I was so afraid before. This is actually not too hard. I think I'm getting pretty good at this." She beamed with pride and Ren mirrored her expression.

"I would like to chalk that up to my commendable teaching skills," he sarcastically noted.

Rey splashed some water at his face.

"Hey!" Rey giggled as Ren spat and wiped his hair from his eyes. "Your novice abilities would not be able to handle a proper water fight."

"Maybe not, but I could probably beat you back to the beach." Abruptly, she dove, kicking up water in her wake. Ren's competitive personality came to life just as he swam after her, putting all of his strength into every stroke. He passed her quite easily and made it to the beach way before she ever got there, but she still gave the competition everything she had.

Breathless, she walked up onto the sand, taking the towel he offered. "Swimming like that is way more intense than I thought it would be. I mean, breathing is difficult to do and I choked on the water, like, five times before I finished."

Rey rubbed the towel against her hair, bringing out the soft waves of her tresses. "It's definitely hard to get used to, but a good exercise if you can master it." A feeling suddenly tugged on his awareness and he glanced to his right to see Maz standing on a pile of castle remains in the distance. The sight of the little orange alien brought his thoughts back to the upcoming separation that was going to take place, and reminded him of the fact that they still had a conversation to get to.

"You should go talk with her." He turned back to Rey, all traces of happiness erased from her face. "I'll go wash up and transfer my things to Poe's freighter." With shoulders slumped, Rey made her way back to the ship.

Maz was glowering at him. His mind raced with the different ways he could get out of the impending exchange, but none of them were plausible. No, he would have to speak with her, and now seemed as good a time as any.

With his shirt back on and water dripping from his trousers, he made the trek over to Maz's location. He stopped a few feet away from her, the scowl on her face having deepened.

"Sit," she demanded, pointing to a chunk of stone. Ren would rather stand, so he ignored the request. "You want my neck to cramp looking up at your face? Sit."

He pinched his nose, letting out a long breath as he sat down on the cold, dark stone. Even sitting he was still taller than Maz, but the alien grew more comfortable with his shorter position.

She stood close to him, close enough for him to lunge forward and crush her small throat between his sinful hands. Or better yet, one thought could break her little neck, marking the end to this loathsome conversation.

He'd only been away from Rey for a few minutes and he was already entertaining his violent thoughts. Yeah… the upcoming separation was going to be a trial for sure.

The heat from the morning sun was drying his hair, bringing out its waviness. Thankfully, the breeze was light and warm, allowing his muscles to relax.

Maz studied him in her usual passive-aggressive sort of way. Ren rested his elbows on his knees and balled his hands into fists, his patience running low as he waited for her to speak. He sure as hell wasn't going to start this conversation. More like a lecture, he thought. Maz was going to do most of the talking since he had little to no desire to voice his thoughts.

"You have committed many atrocities, Ben Solo."

"Don't call me that," he snapped. "Ben is dead."

"Lying doesn't suit you."

"I don't lie."

Maz huffed in indignation. "You murdered Han."

There it was, the blow Ren had been waiting for. At least Maz got straight to the point.

His body reacted by tensing up, but he was still able to speak through clenched teeth. "Han was a selfish bastard and a coward."

"You think he was being a coward as he walked onto that bridge to speak with you? Han was no fool; he faced you knowing full well the possible outcome. And yes, while Han had always been somewhat selfish, the most selfless act he ever committed was trying to convince you to come home. He didn't have to make his presence known to you. He could have ran away, but he wanted to see you and talk to you."

The inside of Ren's palms stung as his nails dug into the skin. His fists were trembling, his jaw locked, and his eyes glued to the dirt floor around Maz's feet. He could still feel the stroke of Han's hand on his cheek, a gesture that had surprised him since he'd just mortally wounded the man. Han's eyes had been so full of shock and pain and… the love he still bore for his son.

Ren's body trembled and his esophagus burned as he realized he was going to be sick and couldn't stop it. Ren spun around, grabbing onto the edge of the stone and heaved his morning meal all over the ground. He coughed violently, trying to breath as his body purged itself of stomach acid and partly digested rations. Snot and tears dripped onto the dirt and stone, but Ren was more fixated on trying to breath normally than wiping at his face. He spat the remains of vomit from his mouth as he kneeled, realizing how weak he must look.

"There is still Light in you, Ben. You must search for it and embrace it." His head hung low as he shook it back and forth. "Well, then, I hope you're getting what you want from the Dark side, because it sure is costing you plenty. It always does." With his shirt, Ren wiped his face and turned back around.

Maz had her arms crossed and her hard stare was now filled with compassion. "I can feel your remorse over killing Han, but you refuse to fully let it in when you deserve to drown in it. You should not prolong this. The faster you let it in, the quicker you can begin to punish yourself and find redemption."

"Redemption?" he croaked out, his throat still tender.

"It would be a hard road to walk, but it's not impossible. Coming back to the light isn't an easy thing to do. Redemption is not a cheap experience."

His vocal chords stung as he spoke, but the pain was welcome. "You speak as if I want that for myself. I don't. Embrace the Light? Why? What has it ever given me? The very people who follow its ideals were the ones who tossed me aside like trash." The memories of being in the museum with Han clawed at his thoughts, but he dismissed it. One good deed did not negate the fact that his father was a worthless piece of shit who abandoned him to a life of uncertainty and fear.

"And the Dark side has given you so much, has it?" Maz challenged. "Do you think Rey will want to be around you if you stay so rooted in evil?" Ren had been waiting for Maz to use Rey against him.

His brows lowered, forming a menacing glint in his eyes. "Evil is just a perception."

"Evil is real and it dwells in the shadows," Maz countered and Ren scoffed.

Maz eyed him up and down. "I know you know about my brother. I don't want to see the same thing that happened to him happen to you." Her voice had softened slightly, but was still hard.

Ren almost laughed at her absurd statement. "Don't pretend to care about me."

"I care about your parents, who love you. Your mother wants her son back." At that, Ren had no vocal response, so he stood and started to walk away. He couldn't bear to listen to the woman any longer. "If you hurt that girl, I will make sure you pay for it." He stopped. "I might not deal the killing blow, but I will help whoever does, regardless of how it will affect Leia."

Very slowly and with great presence, he looked over his shoulder and said, "Careful, Maz. Those thoughts reek of the Dark side." With a self-satisfied smirk, he walked back to the ship.

His confidence faded as he licked his lips, tasting the vomit on his tongue. Everything he'd done was in the righteous endeavor to secure order and peace in the galaxy. Lives had to be sacrificed along the way to reach that goal, and that had included Ben Solo. Ren had justified all the killings, but he couldn't seem to justify what he had done to Han – he never could file that particular act under what was deemed necessary.

Just from listening to Maz's words, he'd become physically ill. What would happen to him if he actually let himself be consumed over what he'd done? He didn't even want to entertain the possibilities.

Coming to Takodana had served its purpose in bringing Rey back. Mentally, he pushed Maz's lecture into the category of insignificance, much like how background noise was easy to ignore.

()()()()()

"You sure you have everything you need?" Poe asked.

The sun was on its final hours of descent, casting their long shadows across the rocky ground.

"I do know how to survive on my own, you know," Ren replied. It was the third time the guy had asked him that, like he was a child leaving the nest for the first time.

"We know," Rey cut in. "We're just worried, is all." Ren thought it interesting she used the word "we," as in her and Poe.

Ren's eyes roamed over Rey's body quickly, finding it difficult not to stare at her. Rey was wearing the outfit he loved seeing her in: the black jumpsuit and blue vest. It had been washed and dried while they swam in the lake, giving her a polished and amiable appearance.

"Oh," Poe interjected. "I left something in the cockpit for you. It doesn't really fit me, but you might get some good use out of it. I snatched it from one of the stores in Khalon so fast that I didn't look at the size. It'll help you blend in better than wearing those tunics."

"… Okay." It was really strange to have Poe be nice to him. Well, sort of nice. Ren concluded he would rather have the man be his usual, smart ass self.

Rey and Poe awkwardly stood in front of Ren, who had his back to the ship. No one knew what to say next. Minutes became days… Decades… Centuries.

But leave it to Poe to cut through the silence. "Well, I'll let you guys be alone for whatever long goodbye you have planned." Aaaaaaaaaaaand there he is. Rey glanced at the pilot, confused over what he was alluding to. Ben knew, though, and didn't appreciate the crude undertones of the statement. Even if it was just a joke.

Poe locked eyes with Ren. "Uh, good luck man. Just – yeah…. Good luck. I'll see you around." Ren gave him a curt nod before the pilot turned and made his journey through the rubble to Maz's underground hangar.

"Looks like it's finally tomorrow," Rey muttered.

"Yup." Ren shifted his balance to his other leg, but the weight he was experiencing didn't dissipate. This moment was finally happening and he didn't even know what to say as his sharp mind suddenly decided to go on a hiatus.

"Where will you go?" He opened his mouth. "Actually, don't answer that. I don't trust myself not to come looking for you." Ren was actually not going to tell her for the exact same reason she just aired, but he let her keep thinking he was about to.

There was a topic he needed to touch on before he departed. "Rey, we'll need to keep the connection between us closed." Just saying it left a sour taste in his mouth.

She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "I know, but what about our dreams? What if they start up again because of the distance?"

Ren had thought of that and came up with only one solution. "I know the Resistance base is on Carlac, so I'm going to find a planet where the days and nights are opposite. Other than that, there isn't much we can do about it. Hopefully that will be sufficient enough."

Her forehead furrowed. "Wait. You know where the base is? How?"

"Poe was not very discreet with giving out its coordinates when we were fleeing the island."

Rey rolled her eyes.

Ren shoved his fists into his pockets as a few heartbeats past. "If there is ever an emergency, you can tug on the bond to contact me. I'll come find you."

"You would come to the base?" Rey looked at him, expectantly.

"No."

"Then how would you find me?"

Very good question…

"I'm talking about if you left Carlac, which you shouldn't. Nothing should happen to you while at the base."

"If you refuse to come to the Resistance, how will I ever see you again?"

All her questions were understandable ones, but he had no answers to give her. "Honestly? I have no idea, but I know we'll see each other again. Somehow…" After everything the Force had done with his life, it was almost foolish of him to put his trust in that power, but that power was all he had.

Rey solemnly nodded. "Ben." Gods, he was going to miss hearing his name on her voice. "Promise me you won't hurt anyone."

"Rey…" He closed his eyes while lowering his head.

"Promise me," she demanded.

Ren glanced at her serious demeanor. "What if it's self defense?"

"Then incapacitate them. You don't always have to kill people." He groaned on the inside, knowing this promise was going to be close to impossible to keep. And if he broke it, it would make him a liar. Rey had to have seen how that would play out and if she did, she really was a clever girl to ask this of him. She knew he detested lying. "Ben?"

"Fine," he submitted. "I promise." Dammit.

"And promise me you won't die out there, cause if you do, I'll find you, bring you back to life, and kill you all over again."

He cocked his head to the side. "That's not very Jedi-like, but I can understand why you'd veer away from their rules since you're so new to their ideals." Her hand shot out and punched him in the shoulder, catching him completely by surprise. "Ow!" Even though she put most of her weight behind it, the touch didn't even come close to being painful, but he still acted like she hurt him.

"I'm being serious; don't joke around." Her lips spasmed as she hid an amused smile.

He held his hands up in surrender. "Okay, okay. I swear I won't get myself killed. Honestly, you and the pilot are acting like I'm going to go looking for trouble."

"Trouble always seems to find you, whether you look for it or not." Ren shrugged as he accepted Rey's assessment all too quickly. Her statement was an accurate definition of his life.

"You've grabbed all your stuff off the ship?" he asked.

"Yeah, not like I had much anyway. Most of my stuff is either on the Falcon or on Ahch-To." It was odd to picture her aboard the Millenium Falcon or actually flying that relic. Ren wondered if she slept in his old room…

He cleared his throat and his thoughts. "I could stop by the island and see if I can find anything."

"Don't you dare," Rey snapped. "You just said you weren't going to go looking for trouble, and the First Order could have left behind probe droids."

"There's not a single thing of yours you'd want back?"

"No." Ren peered at her, sensing her lie all too easily. "Well, I left my journal behind in the temple, but –"

"Temple?" Rey jumped from his sudden interruption. "What temple? I didn't see a temple."

"The one you found me in when you got to the island. You know, the cavern with the artifacts and books."

"That dilapidated library is the temple?"

"Yeah, the first Jedi Temple." What?! "It's not just a library. There are tunnels that dig into the island – Are you okay? You look paler than usual."

Ren's mind reeled from the sudden intake of information. Skywalker had spent years dragging him along in an effort to find the first Jedi Temple. And what do you know, the old man finally succeeded where Ren thought it impossible.

However, that was not what caused him to sallow. One of the first things Snoke had demanded of Ren was to divulge everything he knew about every single temple location, whether it was speculation or proven reliable. The Supreme Leader was particularly interested in the very first Jedi Temple, but Skywalker hadn't found it yet, so Kylo didn't know where it was. Ren had been pretty sure it didn't even exist anymore.

Why does Snoke want to find that place so badly? What's hidden there?

"Ben?"

He broke out of his rolling thoughts. "I'm fine." Sort of. "I just... can't believe Skywalker actually found the first temple." It wasn't a complete lie; he just left out a few details. He masked his emotions well enough for Rey not to sense he was hiding something.

"No going back to the island, okay? Promise?"

"I won't unless deemed necessary. I promise." Ren absolutely deemed it necessary, which was why he worded the pledge in such a way that he wasn't technically breaking it. Besides, he'd already made two promises before that one and a third seemed overly excessive and childish.

Rey lightly kicked at some of the rocks at her feet. "Well, I guess this is goodbye then." Shit. The reality of what was happening came back all too quickly as he saw Rey trying to keep herself together. If she didn't, he might not be able to leave.

Ren slammed into her, crushing her petite form against his. She held onto him just as fiercely, digging her fingers into his back. He ran his hand through her soft, loose hair and if the choice were up to him, she would wear it down for the rest of her life.

"This isn't goodbye," he whispered. "Our paths will cross again, bringing us back together."

"Together," she breathed into his shirt. Rey lifted her head and Ren couldn't stop his lips from crashing into hers. Whereas all their other kisses had been slow and gentle, this one was frantic and demanding as they both memorized what it felt like to be totally, completely, and all around fully immersed in the feeling of being wanted by another human being.

His tongue dominated her mouth and his teeth grazed against hers with great haste. She moaned into him, causing her pleasure to seep into the marrow of his bones, giving life to where they felt hollow. Ren's lips trailed along her jaw and down her neck, nipping and sucking on her velvety flesh. Her arousal wafted into his core, making him want to take all of her right there, on the ground if he had to.

You wouldn't even know where to begin, you idiot, an inner voice told him.

While his virginity was very much intact, it couldn't be that difficult to figure out how to get rid of it. What was that saying he always heard? Your body would just know what to do, or something along those lines? He knew how it was done; he had seen prostitutes openly having sex with men in brothels or clubs. But after visualizing those memories, he realized that wasn't what he wanted to happen between him and Rey. Those had been transactions of pure, carnal roughness and he knew that he desired something that transcended the cold isolation of flesh and instant gratification.

His passions slowed and he nuzzled into her neck, feeling her hair and skin against his for the last time. He came up from the pool of her hair, cupping her round face before sweetly placing a long, gentle kiss upon her mouth. Ren's forehead rested against hers, milking in the sight of her hazel eyes. Painfully and without preamble, he stepped away from her, robbing himself of the one person he ever truly cared about. Tears were about to pour from her eyes and before they did, he turned, walked brusquely up the ramp, and wielded the mechanism to close.

From here on out, Ren was on his own.

A/N

The conversation in the bed between Rey and Kylo was originally suppose to be a lot shorter, but they just kept talking! I guess they enjoy pillow talk a little too much. We got to see more of what Ben's personality use to be like and him and Rey are growing increasingly more comfortable with each other.

Well, there you have it folks! Let the separation commence! Do you have any predictions of what will happen while Ren is gone? Let me know! I hope you enjoyed the chapter!

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