The Space Between Stars

by VinVenture12

Kylo Ren has been humiliated by the scavenger and is now hunting her for retribution. He delves deeper into the depths of darkness along his journey, while Rey soars closer to the light. Strangers on opposite sides of a war, but bound together through their destinies. Both will do whatever it takes to survive, but who will come out victorious? Slow Reylo. Post TFA, Later M rating

24. Chapter 24

Thanks for following and favoriting this story! And as always, I appreciate every single review! You all are awesome! ilovekyloren: Yeah, I knew some of the material in the previous chapter was going to be uncomfortable to read, but I did not want to just skim the surface of who Kylo is. Snoke has screwed him up and I wanted people to see that. Since he isn't a great person right now, I understand how you can loathe him but feel sympathy for him at the same time. I do. Glad you didn't miss Rey last chapter. In truth, neither did I. Hope you like this next chapter! NightElfCrawler: Cliffhangars! Yeah! lol JK. You are probably not going to like me that much at the end of this chapter... Natalie-S-246: Reunion time! Probably won't go the way you expect it though. Not everything can be smooth sailing. KatMichBow: I'm so happy you enjoyed the previous chapter! I thought it would be important for us to see how killing didn't have the same flavor for Ren as it once did. I actually have seen the first few season of Dexter and didn't realize I was essentially giving Ren his own dark passenger till you pointed that out. You think he won't go through with the offer? You shall find out in this chapter... And we get some Reylo is this chapter, probably not to the extent that you want but it's there! kimmycocopop: Ren is the type of person who is willing to do the dirty work so things can get done. Him remaking himself is a slow process, but I want it to be believable. We shall see how he gets out of the current bind he is in. Guest: Thanks! I am so glad you like the story! Guest 2: I hope this chapter was posted soon enough for you. lol. I shall endeavor to keep up the good work! QuinSFA: I am glad you enjoy the slow pacing and that you binge read the story! Best compliment ever! I thought it would be important for the characters to have some development away from each other, so that was another reason I separated them.

Enjoy the chapter ya'll!

Chapter Twenty-four

Rey walked out into the wintry sun – which was too weak to move the temperature much, but bright enough to make her squint till her pupil's adjusted properly. Every step crunched underneath her boots as she followed Finn further away from the base where the snow was perfectly level and untouched. The terrain was sparkling, like thousands of diamonds lying out to welcome the sun's rays. The pink-blossomed trees lined the area, mixing its colors beautifully with the white and shimmery scenery.

So what if the view was beautiful? Rey was still not a fan of the cold. Finn grabbed a handful of snow, patting it into a small ball before throwing it off into the distance. Rey copied him, noticing how sticky and malleable the substance seemed to be.

"When I first got here, I loathed being on another snowy planet. But this one is so much more beautiful than Starkiller," Finn explained, breathing in the crisp, fresh air. "Could be because I like the people here a lot better. But still, I'd rather be here than back in my old life."

"You never went venturing out while on Starkiller?" Rey asked as she threw her snowball, noting that it didn't go as far as Finn's. "Thinking back on it, the forests seemed quite lovely. Of course, I didn't really notice it then." Because Rey was fighting to stay alive… and slashing open Ben's face.

Details.

Finn shoved his covered hands into his coat, watching Rey as she went through the motions of creating another snowball. The process was surprisingly relaxing. "Nah, we weren't allowed leisure time. Our whole lives revolved around a schedule. Never really had time to explore around the base."

Rey knelt down, rolling her ball through the snow, watching as the powdery substance stacked to the sphere and made it bigger. "How are you adjusting to all this then?" Rey nodded to the base behind them and Finn bent down, packing more snow onto her now sizable ball.

"It's different, but good different. I actually feel like a person here; like I matter. It's weird not to have a concrete schedule, but working with the ESC helps occupy my time."

"How are they coming along?"

Finn's face lit up with excitement. "They're actually doing great. They all seem committed to being part of the Resistance, which is good cause I didn't want to see any of them locked up." They pushed the ball across the ground, making it now half the size of Rey. She couldn't believe such a wet substance could stick so well.

Finn frowned while helping her, growing quiet as he was deep in thought. "What's wrong?" Rey asked.

His brows popped up, scrunching his forehead as he glanced at her. "Oh, nothing's wrong. It just still baffles me that there were other stormtroopers who thought like I did. We all grew up together, but none of us ever talked about it. Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if we had…."

Finn wondered if his life would've changed sooner, but more than likely, he would have gone through reconditioning. Rey was sure that's what he was thinking. "Well, you're here now. That's what matters." She patted him on the shoulder assuredly, giving him a friendly smile.

"Yeah…. How are you doing?" He glanced at her, trying to steer the attention away from him, but also genuinely curious as to how she was handling everything. "You know you can talk to me about what you've been through, right? You don't have to keep it bottled up."

"I know and I will. Soon. I'm just still trying to process it all. But, I'm doing okay." Her voice was quiet and was not at all convincing.

They had stopped rolling her gigantic snowball and were now sitting next to each other, staring over the angelic terrain. Snow fell from a tree close by, its snowy dust being picked up by the hushed breeze and swirling across the white field before them.

Rey was a model of concentration, thinking over the war that was now significant to her existence.

She broke the silence. "Hey, Finn?"

"Hmm?" He replied, turning to her.

She didn't return his glance. "If you, uh, had the chance to stop this war… would you take it?"

"Well… what's the price?"

"Your life," Rey muttered with a hint of bitterness mixed in. She couldn't look at Finn while thinking about the immense trouble she was in. Watching her friend just reminded her of all the things that would be taken from her. But wasn't it the other way around? If she died, she was the one who would be taken from them… from Ben.

Rey's death would mean Ben's ruin. There was the very strong possibility that he would fall back into the darkness without her and cease being Ben all together. Damn Force bond. The connection was either extremely useful, or caused a lot of trouble.

Finn breathed out heavily. "That's a steep cost. Any chance it wouldn't have to be paid?"

Rey shrugged as she wiped her red and runny nose. Just another reason she hated the cold. "A small chance."

Finn went back to staring ahead, letting the small breeze fill the short lull in conversation. "I guess one person's life is insignificant compared to the rest of the galaxy," he stated logically.

Rey twisted her head to finally look at Finn. "So… you would be willing to sacrifice yourself? Leave everyone behind?"

He met her gaze abruptly, his brows furrowed tight. "Rey, what's going on? And don't tell me it's nothing or that this whole scenario you're spilling is hypothetical." Her lower lip quivered, her eyes squeezed shut, and she wrapped her arms tighter around her legs. No, you can't lose it; not now. But she couldn't hold in her despair any longer.

After the first few sobs jolted her body, she felt Finn scoot closer and wrap her in his arms. The gesture was protective and nurturing and familial, something she desperately needed to experience at that moment.

Finn knew how much to give and take, and Rey couldn't believe how great of a friend he was when he grew up so isolated from emotions and genuine friendship. He was so much better at this than she was. How horrible of a friend was she that she would choose Ben over him if the choice ever arose? She didn't deserve Finn, but she greedily took the comfort he offered, even though she knew she shouldn't.

He rubbed her back as her tears stained the front of his icy jacket. "Please talk to me. I want to help," he whispered next to her ear.

She told herself she wouldn't tell anyone about Kayani until Ben knew, but she was already crumbling from the sheer weight of her new responsibility.

So, after her tears were spent, she told Finn the truth. However, she kept out everything that pertained to Ben, mainly staying with the superficial facts that Kayani was attached to her and the girl needed Rey to get close to Snoke. Rey didn't hide how crushed she appeared, and she couldn't deny how freeing it felt not to hide her emotions anymore.

Finn questioned that it could've all been a very visual dream, but Rey was adamant that it wasn't.

"Who knows if this thing is even telling you everything?" Finn said hotly. "You can't trust anything she says." He kept speaking, trying his best to comfort and cast doubt on everything Kayani told her, but Rey knew the truth. Ben and her fit into the girl's plan too perfectly to deny it.

But Rey deeply appreciated Finn for looking at the situation from all angles. She even cracked a smile at seeing him get so passionate about how he wouldn't let anything happen to her.

Stars, she needed this moment with Finn. Had she really been planning to wait to get this secret off her chest until she saw Ben? How idiotic that now seemed. Finn had been the perfect person to tell first, because he was trying to console her instead of trying to take control.

Ben had probably not been the best first choice to tell. Rey had a feeling that his first reaction would have been to get angry – not at her, but at Kayani – and then try and lock Rey in a room for the rest of her life.

No, telling Finn had been the right call. He was completely focused on her and what she wanted to do. To him, her opinion mattered. She wasn't sure if Ben would even consult with her before taking matters into his own hands. He was the type of man who acted first, then asked questions later. If ever.

Silence overtook the moment, neither of them knowing what more to say. Rey had her head on his shoulder as they were both looking over the reflective landscape.

"You know, the planet is beautiful," Rey admitted.

"See? I told you so," Finn replied as Rey heard the smile in his voice. "Rey… you know you don't have to do this alone. The whole Resistance would back you, and I would never let you go into a fight alone." Upon hearing the word "alone" she thought of Ben.

So much gratitude swelled in Rey's chest that she felt like crying again. "Thanks," her voice cracked. "You're a good friend Finn."

"So are you." No, I'm not. "Have you told Skywalker all this?"

"I wanted to wait a bit. You're the only person who knows."

"He can help you a lot more than I can."

She shook her head against his shoulder. "I don't think that's true. Can you just keep this between us for now? Please?"

He backed away from her slightly, looking down at her with serious eyes. "You need help with this."

"I do have help," Rey countered. Finn lifted a brow. "I have you." She smiled at her friend before resuming her comfortable position against his shoulder. He relaxed, resting his head on top of hers.

()()()()()

After lunch, Rey returned to her room where she changed into clothes that were more appropriate for physical activity. With a pair of blue capris and a gray tunic, she was more than ready to duel with her lightsaber.

Walking down the metal halls, there was a spring in her step that wasn't there before. She was more at ease having told Finn the truth – well, most of it anyway. Sometime soon, she would need to find a moment to tell him about Ben, but for now, she wanted to enjoy the friendship he so willingly gave.

A woman's voice came from behind. "Rey?"

Rey stopped, twisting around. A taller than average woman strode up to her, her face rigid and her blonde hair in a tight bun. From her polished military uniform and the way she glided with authority, Rey knew who she must be.

"We haven't been properly introduced," the woman said firmly.

Rey's spine straightened. "Admiral Trend, right?"

"Correct. I was hoping I'd be able to talk with you about your time with Poe and Kylo Ren." Trend's eyes caught movement behind Rey. "Ah. Master Jedi." Luke walked up to the two women, keeping his face impassive to the whole encounter. "You seem to show up at the most opportune moments."

"It's a talent I like to cultivate. My apprentice has training to do, if you'll excuse us." That was Rey's cue to turn and follow him down the hallway, leaving a frustrated admiral behind. Rey didn't want to get on the woman's bad side, but something was telling her she already was, even before they had spoken.

The training center only had a few soldiers at the far end, practicing their fighting skills on the padded mates. This left the sparring floor completely open for use. Luke stepped off to the side, gathering something off the floor. In his hands, he held Rey's quarterstaff and the pistol Han had given her back on Takodana.

She was taken aback with surprise, but quickly grabbed the remnants of her possessions. "I thought I lost these…. Thank you."

"I thought you might like them back. And listen, you don't ever have to talk to Admiral Trend if you don't want to. You're my apprentice and she knows I don't want her talking with you."

But… she's an admiral. "Does being a Jedi set you apart from The Republic, then?"

Luke weighed her question. "Partially. If you break any laws, you're under the jurisdiction of the New Republic. Only a Master Jedi is fully separated from the government and must adhere to the Jedi council for disciplinary action. That's what's written in the constitution of the New Republic, anyway."

She gripped her quarterstaff harder. "So unless I do something illegal, Admiral Trend can't do anything to me?"

"No, she can't."

Rey nodded in relief. "Good to know."

Their sparring started off light at first, but quickly turned more competitive without it getting too out of hand. Both were using their lightsabers, so that made them more conscientious of their swings. Rey cycled through the forms Luke had taught her while mixing it with the forms she'd learned from Ben. It was actually proving to be a good combination.

"You're considerably better than the last time we dueled," Luke said through labored breathing, hand on his hip. "Did Ben teach you some techniques?"

"Some." Rey left out the part on how she had downloaded his fighting style and was slyly trying to implement it into her own. She must not have been that cunning about it since Luke was obviously noticing. But he didn't press her any further on the subject, which she was thankful for.

Days went by as Rey fell into a schedule. Dueling in the mornings, manipulating objects in the afternoon, and meditation a few hours before dinner. And when she had free time in the evenings, she'd either spend them with Finn, or on occasion Poe. At first, she would drag them along with her to the mechanics hangar, helping the personnel with fixing up ships of various models. According to Poe, she was being too friendly with the men there. She didn't understand what he was getting at since she was being her usual, nice – sometimes socially awkward – self, but Poe emphasized that she was unknowingly flirting with the officers. That made her feel very conscientious, so Rey cut back on the hours she'd spend getting elbow deep in grease.

Poe was quick on finding her something to occupy her time in the evenings. He had a mile long list of holofilms that her and Finn just had to watch in order to become cultured and understand more of his jokes. They were usually able to squeeze in two before curfew, but the list didn't seem to get any smaller. At this rate, it would take them years to watch them all.

Rey was allowed one day off a week from training, and her and Finn planned on spending them together. Last weeks furlough had consisted of watching holovids, venturing outside, and him timing her on how long it took to build a radio out of spare parts. Rey's time of thirteen minutes, sixteen seconds was now a new record to beat among the other engineers, and she was immensely proud of it.

Today was to be much of the same, but they decided to start off with watching a few of the holodramas from Poe's recommendations. It was getting close to the afternoon and they were both sitting on her bunk, a datapad in Rey's hands as they tried to decide what to view next. It was a day filled with leisure and relaxation, something Rey was not used to, but had quickly come to like.

"Have you seen Chewie yet?" Finn inquired as he shifted to get more comfortable. "He got in a few hours ago."

"I tried to see him after breakfast, but he wasn't in the room they gave him. I'll just see him tomorrow." She clicked on a title, reading over the unsavory synopsis before deciding to get back to the search.

"What are you in the mood for?" Finn asked.

"Anything but romance," Rey stated, not needing to be reminded about Ben right now.

"That's gonna be hard, seeing how there's always a romance in every holofilm and drama," Finn pointed out, opening a bag full of salty and crisp snacks.

Rey internally groaned, knowing he was right. She kept scrolling down until Finn picked a mindless action film that Rey didn't have to pay close attention to. The plots for these movies were rarely intricate, and given how hard her training had been all week, her mind could definitely take a break from the complicated. Her and Luke had been working rigorously in trying to locate Leia, but even with Rey's added power, they were not making much headway. Luke was becoming more frustrated, and she learned quickly not to talk to him when he was in one of those moods.

Rey listened bemusedly to Finn as he pointed out how unrealistic the action sequences were and how certain shots were impossible to accomplish with a blaster pistol. She rested her head on his shoulder, listening to him prattle on about realism.

Rey must have fallen asleep because her eyes shot open when someone started banging on the door. "Rey!" Luke yelled from the other side. She glanced at Finn, noticing his woozy eyes as he woke up from the sudden noise. They looked at the pad, the film obviously long finished as the screen was now black. Luke shouted her name again, this time with an edge of worry in his tone.

She mentally unlocked the door and it slid open, a stressed Jedi barreling into her room. The fact that Finn was sitting beside her didn't even phase him in the slightest. "I found Leia."

"What?!" Finn and Rey exclaimed at the same time. Both jumped from the bunk, now fully awake with adrenaline.

Luke was frantic as he hurriedly said, "She's on Lothal. We need to leave immediately. Hurry and get ready."

Rey dove for her boots, slipping them on her feet quickly before grabbing her belt. "Does the council know?" she asked, buckling the belt around her waist. "Are they letting you leave to get her?"

Luke batted his hand through the air. "I'm not wasting my time getting their approval. I'm taking the Falcon and they can't stop me." Rey put her blaster pistol at her side and clipped her saber to the leather belt.

"I'm coming, too," Finn interjected.

"Fine, but bring a coat. It's winter on Lothal. Hurry and meet me at the Falcon." Luke wheeled around, only to stop as Poe ran into the room. The pilot was anxious, which mixed with his confusion when he saw both Finn and Luke in her room, but he brushed it off.

Poe took a deep breath, clearly winded. "You guys gotta see this. You aren't going to believe who just showed up at the base."

"We can't," Luke sternly stated. "I know where Leia is and we're leaving to get her."

Poe perked up immediately. "What? Where?"

"She's on Lothal and no, I'm not telling the council."

Poe went stock-still, his mouth slackening in a way that conveyed more than just shock. "She… she's on Lothal? Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Kylo Ren is on Lothal." Poe dropped that piece of knowledge without any warning.

Luke tensed, and Rey swayed with confusion. "How do you know?"

"Well, that's what I'm trying to get you guys to come see. Apparently, he's been living with these people who just showed up asking for asylum. The only thing I can get out of them is that Ben Solo sent them here and they needed to talk to Finn, Rey, or General Organa. I ran here after they told me that, but you need to hurry before Trend gets there. She's in a meeting, but we don't have a lot of time."

Rey grabbed a coat, bypassed the stunned Jedi Master, and clutched Poe's arm. "Show me," she demanded. Rey darted and maneuvered through dozens of people, not even apologizing when she ran into a few. They entered the hangar and Rey recognized Ben's ship within seconds. Only a small amount of personnel were there, which consisted of a few petty officers. Out of breath, Rey glanced around, searching for the people Poe had described on the way over.

Poe recognized her confusion. "They're still on the ship. They won't come off until they speak to one of you three."

"They let you in there?"

"After I proved over the radio that I knew Ben, they let me board, but only me," he explained as they hurriedly walked to the comms station. Luke and Finn caught up to them, but Rey was too determined to pay them any heed. Poe hailed the ship, explaining to the newcomers that two of the three people they requested to speak with were here and wanting to board. Rey craned her head to peer at the cockpit. A tall, skinny young man with blonde, shaggy hair was looking down at her, his eyes gradually getting wider.

The ramp started to lower.

Rey darted to the opening, not waiting to see if she was followed. What she witnessed next to Ben's speeder made her feet halt and her heart plummet. There was the outlines of a body underneath a blue blanket and a woman curled up next to the corpse, her hand resting on the body's torso. A man of burly build and tanned skin locked eyes with Rey while holding a small girl against his chest. His hair was dark and the sides shaved off, leaving only a thin patch running down the middle of his skull.

He looked absolutely bereaved, evidenced by his tear stained cheeks and his red eyes. "Are you Rey?" he asked quietly.

She nodded. "Yes." The door above the cargo hold opened and the tall man climbed down to join them as Rey heard footsteps come up the ramp. "Why are you here? I was told you know Ben." Obviously, whatever the reason they were here was a horrible one since there was a dead body aboard the ship.

Please, don't tell me Ben killed that person…

The tale that was told was a hard one to accept, but Rey didn't dare interrupt the man who introduced himself as Garreaus. Rey's emotions bounced all over the place: she was thrilled a loving family had taken in Ben, despondent that he had used his Force abilities to help the family, and mad that he had slaughtered a group of people. Even if the people were thugs, some of them were probably more innocent than others.

"Well, I'm pretty sure Sheldom was still alive when we left. I think I saw him breathing, but I can't be sure," Garreaus added.

"Sheldom is the man who killed your friend and was the gang's leader?" she inquired.

"Yeah," Garreaus breathed out. Then Ben definitely left that man alive so he could deal with him later. Rey tried to imagine how Ben killed Sheldom, but even as her mind came up with the worst possible scenario, it was probably not even close to the reality of what actually happened.

"He spoke of you sometimes," Terr, the taller man, solemnly interjected.

Rey's mouth went dry. "He did?"

"Yeah. I overheard… Jorfel talking to Liz about a conversation they had. He got the impression that Kylo cared about you. A lot."

Rey flushed, feeling all eyes studying her. The cargo bay suddenly felt a lot smaller than it actually was, and her chest was having a hard time expanding. Over to her left, she could sense Finn staring her way. She glanced over, seeing him look at her like he didn't know who she was.

She wanted to vomit.

Voices were getting louder outside the ship, meaning Trend or someone of authority had finally shown up. Wanting to be anywhere but in the cargo bay, Rey hurriedly climbed the ladder, ignoring Luke's protests. She dashed to Ben's room, needing to see something of his to make this feel real.

Everything was as she remembered: his trunks were off to the right, his bed was perfectly made, and not a thing was out of place. It was all organized to Ben's orderly expectations. Except there was a book was on his bed, a book that looked very familiar to her hazel eyes.

With trembling hands, she picked up the leather binding and sat on the mattress, flipping through the pages of her journal... the one she left on Ahch-To. Ben had gone back to the island after she firmly made him promise not to. If he professed to these strangers how much he cared for her, then why did he lie to her? Did her opinion not matter to him?

Poe stepped into the entryway. "Skywalker and Finn are talking to Trend. She seems willing to take them in, given the fact they deserted the Order years ago. You'd think she'd be more sympathetic to them having a child and a pregnant woman with them…" his voice trailed off.

"How is the pregnant woman? Lizari? That's her name, right?"

Poe nodded. "Dr. Kalonia is looking her over, but she seems to be physically fine." Emotionally, she was probably going to be ruined for a long while. "How are you doing?"

Rey shrugged, not really sure how to answer. She was still hurting over the look Finn had given her. "I'm okay."

Poe didn't inquire further and they both let the silence drag on for a few minutes, neither knowing what to say. Skywalker finally appeared, telling them that they needed to leave before anyone noticed what they were up to.

"I'm gonna come along, if that's alright," Poe offered.

"You might get backlash from doing this," Luke refuted as they made their way to the cargo bay.

"It'll be worth it as long as we get the general back."

"It's your decision," Luke said indifferently.

Dr. Kalonia was packing up her supplies while Finn leaned against the wall, watching Rey with wary eyes. Everyone else was gone, taken to the med bay for further assessment with the med droids. Rey stood on the opposite side of the ship, trying to keep her eyes away from Finn.

Luke talked with the doctor, asking her to join them in getting Leia. That came as a surprise, seeing how Luke wanted to keep this venture hush-hush, but from the way the doctor reacted, Rey could tell that she was fully committed to the secretive mission. Rey was praying that no one was going to be in need of the good doctor's talent, but it was comforting to know she was there just in case.

They waited till specific members of the council were gone before leaving the light freighter. Poe and Dr. Kalonia ran off to grab more medical supplies while the rest journeyed to the next hangar over. Skywalker told them he was going to get the hangar doors open, leaving Rey to wonder how he was going to do that if the controls were being guarded, but she didn't ask. Part of her didn't want to know.

It probably involved a mind trick.

Her and Finn boarded the Falcon and went to the lounge, waiting for everyone else. The silence between the two was tense and awkward and Finn was refusing to look at her. She pretended to be interested in one of the communication consoles on the wall, but her brain wasn't registering the flickering buttons.

Finally, she got to the point where the quiet became too overbearing. "What are you thinking?" she asked lamely as she turned around, seeing that he was sitting on the lounge seat.

With his arms crossed and jaw locked, he gradually met her stare. "You haven't told me everything about what happened on Spira. In fact, I think both you and Poe lied to me."

Rey chewed the inside of her cheek and started to pick at the bottom seam of her grey, sleeveless tunic. "It's complicated."

"Looks like Ben had an easy time explaining it to a couple of strangers. I think you can figure out how to do the same."

Rey opened her mouth, but closed it when Poe, Skywalker, Dr. Kalonia, and Chewie walked into the main hold. It would seem Poe took it upon himself to grab another recruit, but Rey didn't mind. Out of everyone here, she probably got along with the Wookie the best.

The conversation between her and Finn was going to have to be put on hold until they could find some time alone together.

Rey went to her old room aboard the ship, not wanting to talk with anyone or even see how Chewie was doing. It was a few hours to Lothal and she wanted to use the time to be alone and think over what she should tell Finn. She knew she had to confess the whole truth, but going about it was going to be very crucial to how he took it. Or maybe it wouldn't; sometimes words mattered more than tone.

Her thoughts went to Lothal. How were Leia and Ben both there? From Garreaus' account, Ben had no idea Leia was on the planet. But something just wasn't right; something was missing.

First thing they needed to do was find the general and get her to safety. Then Rey was going to search for Ben on her own, and nobody was going to stop her.

()()()()()

The Falcon zipped through the eerie atmosphere, coming up to what looked to be a quarry off in the distance. Luke landed the Falcon behind a rock configuration, using the natural formation to hide the large ship. Chewie and Harter stayed with the freighter, prepared to get them if they needed a quick getaway.

The wind outside was starting to graduate from a breeze and into full on gusts. A storm was coming in; Rey could smell it in the air and feel it in her joints. Her heavily insulated black coat offered her body reprieve from the wind chill, but her head was fully exposed, causing her facial muscles to freeze.

I hate the cold, I hate the cold, I hate the cold, she thought, the words a mantra in her anxiety ridden mind.

Skywalker took the lead, guiding them to the main building in the middle of the quarry. They didn't see any guards posted on the outside, and as they entered the warehouse, not a single person could be found. But Rey could feel life forms. Dozens of them, in fact. One of them was very faint, but she was sure it was Ben.

He was somewhere in the building, but she couldn't pinpoint exactly where.

Rey tugged at their bond to get his attention, but Ben didn't respond.

Rey was torn on what to do. Should she stay quiet, or say something about her and Ben's connection? Could she even get her voice to work? Rey was internally freaking out as she tried to understand how Leia and Ben came to be in the exact same place at the exact same time.

"Guys!" Poe whispered harshly from a doorway in the corner. "You need to see this!"

The group bolted over and entered a security room, small flickering monitors lining the wall. Poe pointed to one of the side holovids and Rey's knees almost buckled from the image.

Leia was being beaten with a stun baton as a woman seemingly laughing at the torture. On the other wall stood Ben, watching the show with barely any emotion. His widened eyes were the only proof that he was shocked by the violence, and Rey wondered why he wasn't helping his mother. But then Rey realized that there were a lot of armed men in that room and doing so would be equivalent to committing suicide.

Or was he a part of all this somehow? That thought was almost vomit inducing.

Rey spun around to talk to Luke, but he was gone. She sprinted after him, following his signature through countless hallways and down a flight of stairs. How big is this building? From the outside it didn't look to be too large, but running through it made it feel immense.

Rey's breathing started to pick up, her heart pounding in her ribcage. She rounded a corner to see Luke running toward an unconscious Ben at the end of a long hallway, his saber ignited in his hand. Instinctively, Rey Force pushed her master before she could find out if Luke would really use the weapon on his nephew.

With her eyes glued ahead, she rushed to Ben to make sure he wasn't gravely injured. The blood beneath his head stated otherwise.

()()()()()

The only thing Ren could do was stare at the scene unfolding before him. He didn't even know where to begin processing the hurricane of emotions rampaging within, but at least his mind was still capable of coming up with two questions, even if they were unimportant.

One: How did his mother even come to be here?

Two: What the hell was going on at the Resistance?

"What is this?" he asked through a set jaw, his eyes bouncing between Carise and his mother.

Carise smacked her lips. "Isn't it obvious? This is the way back into you master's good graces. Just imagine the reward he'll give you for killing the general of the Resistance."

Ren didn't have to imagine; he already knew. This was the miracle he needed that would allow him to return to the First Order with his mind intact and no punishment befalling him. The phrase 'be careful what you wish for' was never so poignant as it was at this exact moment.

On the surface, Ren made himself appear as collected as a hyperdrives motivator, his components all in order and welded in place. But beneath, he was seething, evidenced by his tightly balled fists. "What makes you think I want to go back?"

Rey suddenly tugged harshly on their bond, but Ren had no other option but to ignore it. Out of the whole two weeks they were apart and she chose now to try and contact him? Horrendous timing.

Carise giggled, rolling her eyes dramatically. "Please. A man of your skill set must be dying without a purpose, without a way to use those abilities of yours. You made a mistake by leaving, but by doing this for me, you can make everything right again."

Ren's mind, let alone his tired body, was definitely not present enough to handle this right now. He felt like he'd been ran over by a herd of banthas, but his mother… stars, she appeared to be in worse shape than him. Taking a few seconds to really look at her, Ren saw a feeble body, matted hair, and despair etched into her eyes, the same dark eyes he inherited.

"Do you have any idea what she's done to me?" Carise darkly queried. Ren almost rolled his eyes as theatrically as Carise.

Everyone knew what Leia had done to her, mainly because Carise had been incapable of not constantly complaining about it after it happened. It didn't take long for the news to reach Ren, but by then, every snippet of Ben had been beaten out of him and his reaction had been impartial.

"I do," Ren simply stated.

"Then you know why I want you to kill her."

A son murdering his mother… such a thing was beyond the normal parameters of cruelty – if such a thing had any boundaries at all – and was exactly the type of scenario Ren would think up. Hell, he basically enacted it on his father, but for some reason, bestowing this ruthlessness upon his mother seemed way more personal.

Abruptly, Leia made a dash for the side door, only making it a few feet before the guard snatched her by the hair, snapping her head back and causing her to grunt. Her body followed, her feet fighting desperately to find purchase. The guard whipped out a stun baton and before Ren could even blink, wailed it right across her back, sending the electrical shockwave through her muscles. The muffled scream was heart piercing and Ren watched as she fell to the floor, moaning and curling up to protect herself from the beating.

Carise's triumphant, cackling laughter bordered on hysteria, which might have been disturbing if Ren wasn't surrounded by thirty men and just witnessed his mother being electrocuted to the point of semi-consciousness.

"Idiotic woman," Carise sneered, glancing down at Leia like she was a rabid dog in need of being punished.

The whole event made Ren's body respond by snapping his spine straight, his veins vibrating through his bones, his brain blooming with a buzz that not even rationality could get near.

Carise seemed to be on one hell of a power trip as she kept talking, which was all well and good for her ego but ultimately meant nothing to him. Ren kept staring at his mother, not registering a single word of the woman's long tirade.

There was, he firmly told himself, nothing cosmic or pre-ordained about being in this warehouse, other than the fact he hadn't seen his mother in person for over a decade and now here she was, offered up to him like an animal awaiting the slaughter. Yeah… there was absolutely no divine power messing with his life at the moment.

None. At. All.

Shit.

Carise motioned to the guard and Leia was hoisted to her feet, pulling her along as the pair came toward Ren. The shuffling of their boots on the hard surface was a soft noise that seemed as loud as someone screaming. Or was that the humming of the blood in his ears?

As his mother was brought closer, the few working neurons in Ren's head made his foot take a step back, but his heel and spine immediately met the wall behind him. There was nowhere to go. Maybe the alcohol was starting to wear off or the shock of everything going on brought him to the present, but Ren was finally able to register just how cold the basement was. As a result of the plunge in temperature, the wall against his back was frigid and he could feel the cold from the floor seep into his boots. His eyes picked up his breath – a cloud without a sky.

The guard tossed Leia at Ren's feet and then reclaimed his spot by Carise's side. "So, what's it going to be?" the woman asked impatiently.

Ren was having a mind splitting time trying to assess just how deep in metaphorical shit he was in. Leia was a mere stride away and he couldn't tear his corneas away from her own haunting eyes. Neither could look away, even though both wanted to. Time was just a collective number compared to the galaxy at large and right now, it seemed to be counting down. To what, Ren didn't even know.

However, he had a thought that what he chose to do within the next minute of his existence was going to be life altering, more so than when he decided not to go through with killing Rey.

Memories ripped at him, the ones he had of his mother before he was banished to that ridiculous academy: her yelling at him for killing animals, the way she called him a monster behind closed doors, how she always chose the Senate over him, all the times Threepio reheated leftovers for dinner because she wasn't there…. How could he not think of a single good memory of her? Did he even have any?

Did she have any of him?

Pretty early on in life, he'd given up seeking her affection because he'd been too tired of experiencing the constant rejection. He hadn't dared discuss his fears and failures with her. Even when she did make her attempts at parenting through the lectures, comparisons, and brow-beatings, he was too far-gone for any of it to matter.

He'd been too far-gone for a long time now, but somehow, there'd been an awakening that was slowly resurrecting who Ren used to be. His altruism was booming too loud for him to ignore as he gazed at the defenseless woman on her knees, staring up at him.

With a clarity that was shattering, Ren realized that he didn't have it within himself to kill his own mother. He despised her on the same level he hated himself, but even then, he couldn't take her life away. Her life needed to remain intact; he owed his father that much, at least.

The breath he exhaled lasted a lifetime as he rubbed the exhaustion from his prickly face, leaving behind the anger. How dare Carise put him in this position. The last thing he needed after drinking for a day straight and getting zero sleep was to be reminded how ruined he was, because for a split second after Carise had offered up his mother, Ren had actually considered doing the unforgivable. The thought of killing her and getting back to his master's side had popped into his mind and he was ashamed that it had even gone that far. His soul was fractured permanently, his mind splintered into dozens of pieces, and he hated knowing how irreparable his entire being was.

Rage weighted into Ren like gravity, and he felt its inviting heft ground him, invigorate him. He knew this feeling intimately well. It always raped him of grace and left him in the coziness of twilight. This was the type of fury that had sliced that boy in two and had squashed the remains below his boots. This was the kind of viciousness that had made Sheldom stab himself till Ren bathed in the blood that spewed from the man's jugular.

Ren was a quarter of an inch away from losing it, but he needed to play this situation precisely if he was going to get Leia and him out alive. Such a feat required patience and planning. But then, he opened his mouth and that was when everything took a nosedive straight into the realm of you're-going-to-regret-this-later.

A hard expression bled into Ren's face, sharpening his eyes. "Oh, Carise." He coldly laughed, perfectly aware that he looked like the definition of a maniac. Actually, he was one. "You know, I remember you at that party. Throwing yourself at every man in the room, looking cheap and easy in your tight dress." Honestly, Ren couldn't recall what she was wearing, only how she had acted. But if he was wrong about her attire, he knew it was going to annoy her.

And it did. Her face was way too easy to read, showcasing just how weak minded the woman really was.

Meanwhile, Leia remained on her knees, watching her son with deep fear and confusion.

Do I dare continue?

Yesssss, his monster hissed. "You're a whore." Never had such an insult left his mouth, but his demon nodded in approval, goading him to keep speaking. "And you aren't even a clever one. You want your revenge? You should've killed the general yourself, like a normal person." As he kept going, Carise became a focal point for his fury and self-hatred, an object to work out his feelings, making his fingers involuntarily twitch for his lightsaber.

There was malice in his voice, as well as murderous inevitability. "Instead, you waste my time by bringing me here. So, here's what is going to happen." The woman's face was tinted in deep ire and Ren was sure he could see a rather unappealing vein popping out of her forehead. "When the dust settles from this encounter you've meticulously concocted, I'm going to look for you and make no mistake that I will find you. I am going to savor butchering you Carise, but only after you get on your hands and knees and beg me for mercy, like the bitch that you are."

The room grew so quiet that even a hair falling to the floor sounded like a grenade detonating. No one moved, and by Carise's shocked expression, he was sure she forgot to breathe.

Ren was getting hot under his layers, his anger finally making him feel feverish. His skin was ablaze, his blood fueling the flame, and his bone marrow the spark that created it all. Sweat beaded from his pores, attempting to lower his temperature, but failing.

Ren licked his lips, feeling how chapped they had become. "Let me put my answer in simpler terms so you can understand." Because clearly she was having trouble deciphering the timetable of her own demise. "You're the person I'm going to kill, Carise; not the general." That little fact hung in the air like a noose looking for a neck to snap and Ren was going to guide it over to the elegantly dressed woman in the middle of the room.

Leia gasped loudly against the gag, which made it sound more like a chortle, but Ren knew what she was going for. Her owlish-big eyes conveyed how floored she was and slowly, Ren started to feel the same.

It was like a curtain had been pulled back, revealing that thirty men were armed and pissed and waiting for the cue to be unleashed. He had completely forgotten about them as his mouth uncontrollably spewed threats and obscenities like his words were in a whirlpool without an end.

Aaaaaaand this was one of the reasons Ren didn't talk a lot. Whenever he did, he always managed to make the situation worse and spill his opinions everywhere, coloring everyone vengeful. He didn't even need to read Carise's mind to know she was two seconds away from calling on her army, directing them right at his dogmatic ass.

It would appear that the situation was speeding up exponentially, and he now needed to move onto plan B; except he didn't have a plan B. Usually his plan A's worked because they were all about going straight to violence and overpowering his victims.

Plan A was not going to work unless he had a desire to meet death for a drink later, which he did not. His adrenal glands were working overtime, giving his mind the fight or flight options. Even though his ego didn't want to participate, he came up with a plan B that was so unlike him, he inwardly cringed when thinking it.

Run. He was going to run. More like sprint, but as long as his legs got him to his speeder, it could be classified as scampering and he didn't care.

Time slowed to a languid crawl as Carise opened her mouth, about to shout the order to kill both him and his mother. On an exhale, he concentrated all his frustration and power through his hands, pushing out with an extreme amount of Force that hard-pressed his spine into the wall and left him gasping.

Carise and her entourage were bulldozed right off their feet and straight into the wall, causing a quick succession of bangs, cracks, and grunts.

Ren didn't linger to ogle at his achievement.

Grabbing his mother roughly, he tugged her to the door, mentally unlocking the mechanism and darting through the exit as BB-8 followed. Leia had to have serious whiplash by now, but it was better than being dead.

The door slid closed, but he needed to give them more time to get out of the warehouse. Still squeezing Leia's arm, he wheeled them around to the door panel and placed his free hand on the buttons. Never has Ren been able to master the art of Force lightning, but he had gotten close a few times. He could create a small electrical current, appearing like sparks flying between his fingertips. It was the evidence that while he thought to be completely under the dark side's waves, the top of his head had always been sticking out of the surface, stubbornly defying his wishes.

He sent a current through the wires covering the room, short-circuiting the ways to get inside. Unless they had a very skilled electrician in there, they weren't getting out for a while.

A blaster suddenly went off right next to him. Leia had somehow freed herself from the restraints, grabbed the blaster from his holster, and killed the stunned imp at the end of the hall.

Wide-eyed, Ren stared at his mother for a moment, watching her lower the gag so it was around her neck. She glanced at him, not showing any form of surprise to be in the presence of her son. Her face was serious, exuding the military general he knew her to be.

"Let's get out of here," she said evenly, voice scratchy. Leia darted down the hallway with BB-8 and Ren following, both passing the dead imp like the insignificant man he was.

While Ren went straight for the lift, Leia went right, opening the door to the stairwell. "The stairs would be a better option," she stated, making him stop and clench his teeth. Leia was right, of course, and that irked him. He needed to get her out of here and then part ways as soon as possible. This time, he would be more careful in who he solicited transportation from.

Maybe he could find a job more suitable to his skills. He could possibly get away with freelancing his talent by going back to what he did best. Someone with his kind of power was always in demand in the right organizations. And seeing how he was a predator, job satisfaction was a given.

Focusing on levitating BB-8 next to him, they darted up the stairs, the droid flying close to his side.

Climbing the flight of stairs was difficult since Ren was winded from the amount of power he exuded a minute ago, but his mother was having a much harder time. She was slowing considerably and before he could grab her, the door beside them opened and he was suddenly wrenched into a long hallway, causing BB-8 to collapse to the floor with a loud thud.

Ren cut off the connection, finding his footing quickly and igniting his saber in his right hand. At the far end of the hall was Cato, wearing his preferred checkered black mask and heavy black battle attire. And in his right hand was the darksaber: a flat, thinned, and slightly curved blade that was blacker than the void of space.

"Quite the weapon upgrade," Ren snarled

"Killed a Mandalorian for it, but I'd say the challenge was worth it." Cato's mask distorted his voice as his head moved up an inch, looking behind Ren's broad form. Leia and BB-8 had come through the stairwells exit, halting when catching a glimpse of the knight at the far side. He could practically hear the wheels turning in Cato's mind and Ren realized he would have to protect both him and Leia… and BB-8.

Right before the men jumped into the brutal duel, they both froze.

The Force signature they suddenly sensed was undeniable, causing Ren's veins to stiffen and his heart to constrict from the pressure. Cato, being the smart knight that he was, disappeared down an adjacent corridor. Footsteps came from the passageway to Ren's left and then abruptly stopped. His breath grew more uneven as his head moved by inches, his eyes taking in the Jedi Master to his left.

Power hit Ren, so much so that he didn't even have the strength to block it quickly enough. His body slammed viciously into the metal wall at his side, his head cracking on impact and beating his grey matter into useless mush.

Yelling. Voices. Running. Someone dragging him across the floor. Did Carise's men get out of the room already? But why would they be dragging him when they wanted him dead? Even his uncle wanted him dead. Hell, everyone wanted him dead.

Mom.

Where was she? Ren's senses were sluggishly rebooting and everything seemed distant as he attempted to open his eyes, but his lids weighed more than a tauntaun. His hands were gliding across the ground and he could feel the cold seep through his gloves. He didn't even remember falling to the ground. Did he blackout? How long has he been down? Was that him that was moaning?

A door opened, then closed. Even behind closed lids, he could tell the room was dark. The scent of chemicals was robust as he inhaled, the toxic air stinging his nose and throat raw.

Someone was saying his name, his birth name and his preferred one. Actually, multiple people were saying his name, and not in a kind way.

"I thought he was trying to kill you," Skywalker whispered.

"I told you he wasn't!" Leia whispered fiercely. "If Rey hadn't pushed you away, you would have killed him! He saved me Luke. He was given the choice to kill me and he chose not to do it."

"Maybe he wanted to wait to–"

Ren tuned them out, instead focusing on a conversation that was literally taking place over his drowsy body.

"You need to get away from him," a man muttered, the voice unknown to Ren.

"He wouldn't hurt her," Poe countered.

Poe's here?

"All he's ever done is hurt people. And kill them!" The man hotly argued while keeping his voice at a hushed tone.

"Finn, he won't hurt me." Rey! He moaned as he tried to call out to her. Even though her voice was rushed, it sounded feminine, airy, and smooth on his ears. Cold hands cradled his face, rubbing their icy thumbs over his cheeks.

"Ben," she said. Strength was being siphoned into him and with a jolt, his eyelids burst open.

He immediately zeroed in on Rey's hazel eyes, like his own knew exactly where hers would be. In the dim light, he drank in her round face, golden skin, and plump lips. All of her features were a thousand times better than anything his memory had given him over the past two weeks.

Half of her hair was tied back, while the lower half hung loosely, falling almost into his face. Ren's hand ran through her silky tresses, needing to know that she was real and not an illusion from some nightmare. His hand became greedy as he palmed her cheek.

"I was starting to think I'd never see you again," he said in a cracked voice.

"Me too," she whispered with a sad smile.

Rey was here. She was actually here, touching him with the affection he'd been dreaming about his whole life. Gods, he couldn't look away from her, couldn't register anything but her, and all he wanted to do was feel those soft lips caressing his.

He was about to pull her into him when Poe abruptly appeared above her, peering down at him with a sour expression.

"Whoa, man. You look like shit." And he felt like it, but it wasn't from the physical wounds he had sustained. He'd been so incandescently happy upon seeing Rey that when Poe came into view, his emotions came crashing down to reality at lightspeed, leaving him in a million broken fragments.

"Here," Rey said as she grabbed his shoulders. "See if you can sit up." Ren winced, clutching onto his right side while collapsing upright against a wall. Removing his hand, he and Rey glanced at his bloody palm, her eyes growing increasingly worried.

She raised his shirt, looking over the injury. "Looks like a blaster wound. When did you get hit?" When, indeed. He couldn't recall being shot at, but the only time it could have happened was when him and Leia were running from the plethora of men who were packing heat. The high octane of adrenaline must have made it so he never felt his side get wounded.

Rey placed her hand directly on the hole in his skin and he felt the dermis start to mend together. Curtly, he grabbed her wrist and gently took her hand away. "Don't," he told her.

Her forehead creased in confusion. "You need to heal the wound and I should take a look at your head. There's blood in your hair."

Ren shook his head vigorously, willing his strength to return. "No, I don't want you to heal them." He couldn't take an ounce of power away from her, even if she was offering. She was going to need all of it if she was going to make it out of here alive.

Rey protested, but Ren ignored her. Against her warnings, he stood, putting on a convincing front that he had the might to do so. But the mixture of his head wound and the hangover was causing his head to pound with every heartbeat.

Healing always had to be strategic: mend the wound and somehow wait for your strength to return, or battle through the pain and use your remaining strength to fight. Seeing how the situation was dire, Ren held off on the healing.

Rey had a firm grip on his arm and he looked down at her small hand that couldn't even wrap around his bicep. Where was his coat? It must have been taken off sometime during his whole blackout episode. He now only had the leather jacket for warmth.

The room was aggressively quiet, all eyes on him. Ren rabidly grew claustrophobic, like he'd been buried alive and was breathing only dirt.

Did all the air up and vanish from this closet?

The room they were in was some sort of utility closet, a table pushed up against the back wall and shelving lining the sides. Bottles of chemicals, boxes, and gadgets took up every inch of flat surface, making the place appear cluttered. While looking over the surroundings, Ren made an itinerary of every single person there: Rey, Poe, Leia, Skywalker… and the trooper. That man was deathly glaring at Ren, his blaster rifle strategically pointing right at him, but appearing casual about it.

Skywalker had his palm on the door, eyes closed and focusing on the wondering men outside. From the footfalls and muffled shouting, they were now out of the basement and on the hunt. Ren could sense what Skywalker was doing: he was fogging the minds of the people who passed the door, making their eyes only see a wall and walk right on by, unaware their prize lingered inside.

Leia had ditched her persona as a general and was now gazing at him passionately. She took a timid step forward, Rey still holding onto Ren and remaining at his side.

"Don't," he firmly commanded at Leia. She froze, her eyes becoming visibly glossy. Cold anger hardened his face enough to make his scar stand out in a light, pink line against his pale skin. The change in demeanor was so sudden that Rey abruptly recoiled, not knowing how to react.

Ren didn't want to talk to his mother. Yes, he saved her life and did not want to see her die, but the depths at which he loathed this woman stretched into infinity. On top of that, looking at her made Ren think about his father on that bridge, and a small part of himself was yelling to grovel at her feet and beg for forgiveness. Fortunately, he held off on enacting such a display. Apologizing for murdering his father was such a small gesture, that he didn't think it would even be worth an attempt.

"Ben," Leia whispered fervently.

"That boy is dead." Ren's voice was a timbre lower, sounding insidious. Skywalker's head craned slightly to the exchange, his ear listening as his eyes remained closed, concentrating on keeping them hidden.

"No, he isn't." Leia took another step, making Ben retreat further away. "You saved my life."

Ren dragged a hand through his hair and thought how good it would feel to put his fist through a wall. "Which I am starting to regret the more you keep talking to me."

No one said a word.

The shock on each of their faces was blinding and he turned away before it made his headache worse. Ren went to the table, placing his hands on the edge and hanging his head low. The chain on his mood swings had been broken and now he was finding it close to impossible to control his tongue. Being crass with Carise had opened the gates to being insensitive. But hadn't he always been insensitive to others, though?

A soft weight came on Ren's shoulder and he craned his head to see Rey standing close to him, closer than what was deemed appropriate. "I'm proud of you for saving your mother," she admonished quietly, giving him a small hint of a smile.

Her green eyes were drawing him in and that nudge from earlier took up its usual spot of residence in the back of his mind. It was pushing him to confess what he felt for her, to tell her how he dreamed about her since he was a small boy of ten. His heart raced and he knew everyone was watching them, not even trying to hide the fact they were eavesdropping. The room was small, so even if Rey and him spoke in whispers, every word would clearly be heard.

But the last time he ignored the prompting, this all happened.

Well, Ren had never cared what people thought of him. Why start now?

The muscles in Ren's face relaxed, making him appear softer than he felt. "Rey, I need to tell you something. I…." His voice gave out as he stared at her deeply.

She removed her hand, letting it rest at her side. "If you're trying to admit something to me, I already know."

What? "You do?"

Her face hardened slightly. "I already know that you broke your word to me." Ren blinked quickly and frowned, which gradually turned to confusion. How did she know he hadn't kept those promises?

As if she read his mind, she said, "Your friends arrived at the base before we left. I found my journal in your room aboard the ship, which you must've grabbed when you went to Ahch-To." She searched his face for a denial, but his silence was more than enough to show her the truth. "Then Garreaus told me what went down at their place. He said Sheldom was alive when he left." Ren cursed inwardly. He thought none of them had noticed that.

Rey hesitated before asking, "What did you do to that man?"

Ren kept his voice even as he replied, "Nothing he didn't deserve, and he deserved far worse than what I did to him."

If Rey were the type of person to use colorful language, she would have sworn out loud. "How long did you drag out his death?"

His head swiveled over the useless junk on the table, thinking how he didn't intend for the conversation to go this way. He always thought it was funny how people tended to think you could drag out death. To Ren, death was always quick. One second, your heart was beating and then the next, it wasn't. What was dragged out was the pain and anticipation of dying, which happened to be Ren's favorite entertainment.

"Ben?" she pushed.

He didn't look at her as he grumbled, "He didn't go quickly. And before you ask, yes, his death was painful and yes, I did enjoy it."

Ren was too afraid to see the expression on her face, but he could sense her mixture of disappointment and frustration.

"I guess you made yourself into a liar, now. You knew you wouldn't stick to the promises you made me, but you made me believe you would anyway."

Now that stung. Ren hated being called a liar, and he hated that she was right.

He whipped around sharply, taking her by surprise. In his periphery, he could see everyone except Skywalker watching them. The moronic stormtrooper was even waiting for Ren to touch Rey so he had an excuse to shoot him, which vaguely reminded him that he was without his lightsaber. "Those were impossible to keep and you knew that," he curtly retaliated.

"Impossible?" Rey's eyes shot him a fiery stare. "I asked you not to go to Ahch-To, and not to hurt anyone. It's not like I told you to stop blinking!"

"Are you forgetting the third? I'm still breathing, aren't I?" Ren had always been a hothead, but he thought he was doing a considerably great job at not raising his voice at Rey. She, on the other hand, kept her tone bursting of daggers.

Her expression turned volcanic. "For now. Can you not hear how many men are out there?"

Ren looked around for a life raft, and got a whole lot of eyes staring back at him. "I saw them, so I know how many are out there. I've had worse odds."

"You're being reckless," Rey bit out.

Silence.

Then, "No, I'm being confident. I know what I'm capable of and we can make it out of here. Alive." He was silently hoping for the stormtrooper to die during their escape while the rest of them made it out, but he wisely kept that wish to himself.

Rey's brows rose as she gave his tall frame a once over. "I don't know if you realize this, but you're not in great shape. The wound in your side is making you paler than usual, and you look like you haven't slept in days."

Ren shot her a level stare. He didn't appreciate being passively called weak. "I'm fine."

Rey rolled her eyes. "Don't try to be a hero."

"That word should never be used to describe me."

Finn scoffed, making everyone cast the attention onto him. "No kidding."

Ren would gladly give up one of his kidneys just so he could kill the bastard without having to deal with any repercussions. "Is there something you need to say, trooper?" Ren asked as he ground his teeth.

Finn was wound tight, wanting to take the pent up pressure out on Ren physically and verbally. "Yeah, actually. I had to learn how to walk again because of you."

"Oh. My apologies," Ren sneered. "I should've made sure you were dead so you wouldn't have to go through such an ordeal."

Whack!

Fire exploded on the left side of Ren's face, his eye stinging with the force of the slap. The shock from the sudden pain made him freeze for a moment before shifting his sights onto Rey.

It would seem she'd grown attached to her stormtrooper over the last two weeks, so much so that when she'd heard his harsh comment, she was unable to control her anger. Guilt was riddled all over her features as she covered her slackened mouth with her hand.

The silence stretched as wide as a canyon until finally, Poe intervened. "Okay." The pilot took a step forward. "I think we all just need to calm down for a moment." Finn pulled at Rey's arm, trying to get her away from Ren, but she wouldn't budge. Her and Ren were locked in the current of the situation and he watched as her eyes filled with tears.

"I – I am so –"

"Stop," Ren muttered with a gentleness that surprised even him. "What did I tell you about apologizing."

Rey's eyelids popped wide. "How can you say that? I hit you."

He shook his head, knowing that the slap she'd given was more like a caress compared to the other times he's taken a beating. "You did nothing wrong. I'm sorry I upset you." Now everyone joined in with looking stunned. Even Skywalker, who was having a hard time staying by the door, had his mouth hanging open. Ren could tell Leia wanted to come closer, and Poe actually pinched himself to make sure this was all real.

Ren didn't give a fiery heap of bantha fodder what the trooper was up to.

"We need to leave," Skywalker cut in. "They've moved on from searching this floor."

That seemed to wake everyone up to the situation that was unfolding outside. One by one, they gathered by the door, except Ren stayed where he was. Rey eyed him, alarmed that he wasn't by the exit, but it was his mother who spoke up.

"What are you doing?"

He didn't answer or even glance in her direction. Ren took his steps deliberately slow, coming up behind Rey.

Skywalker contacted Chewie, conveying to the Wookie the plan to meet on the rooftop with the Falcon. Ren's heart skipped a beat from dread. He hated that ship and partly blamed that piece of junk for taking his father away from him, which was stupid given the fact that the smoldered parts of metal weren't even alive. But whatever, he wasn't getting on that freighter anyway, and he was pretty sure Rey was starting to sense his intentions.

Trying to be discreet, Rey slipped him his saber hilt and he positioned it in his gloved right hand.

One after the other, they bolted from the room, Ren purposely taking up the rear during the frantic trip. While ascending the stairs, he reflexively put his hand on Rey's lower back, using the excuse that he was helping her up the stairs. But honestly, he just wanted to touch her. From Rey's sudden jolt, she felt his touch, but didn't swat it away. Instead, she moved closer to him.

The stormtrooper kept glancing behind, his frustration obvious and giving Ren a high of satisfaction. But then he remembered this might be the last time he felt Rey on his palm and the gratification melted into anguish.

They made it to the roof, big swells of wind hammering against Ren and causing him to shift his balance so he didn't fall. How long had he been in that warehouse? He was sure it wasn't over an hour, and yet, the weather had changed dramatically in such a short time. Black, ominous storm clouds were rolling toward the quarry from the west, covering the dark, twinkling sky. To the east, light crawled languidly onto the sky's canvas, brushing it with strokes of blue and orange. The sun was still hidden behind the far off mountains, but Ren could feel it jumping with the excitement of gifting the landscape with a new beginning.

Through his tousling hair, he saw the Falcon hovering at the edge of the building, its ramp down and waiting for them to board. He was suddenly bombarded with the memories of finding the Falcon on Starkiller, walking into the cockpit and thinking of the times when he was younger, pretending to pilot the freighter through a horde of tie fighters. Then, as clear as the sky to his left, he could see his father walking onto the bridge to meet him halfway. The image was so real that it ran rampant through his emotions, tearing through his apathy and leaving behind his sickening empathy.

Skywalker quickly ignited his saber and destroyed the door panel, locking the entrance behind them. It was only a matter of time before someone noticed the Falcon hovering idly by the building.

They sprinted to the ship, the violent gusts swirling around them, icing their skin. Ren slid to a stop, his eyes burning from the airstream, but unable to glance away from the ship ahead.

Rey noticed his pause and turned while everyone made it onto the ramp. They all studied the perplexing scene on the roof and Poe yelled something indiscernible over the turbulent weather. Leia wanted to go to him, but Skywalker firmly held her arm.

"Ben!" Rey shouted, her hair floating to the right. "Come on!"

Ren knew where that ship would take him and he refused to go there. Nothing ideal was waiting for him at the Resistance.

"I'll find my own way off the planet," he shouted over the gale storm. "I'm not going to the base!"

Rey's eyes lit up, a fury shining through them that made Ren shiver. Or was that the wind chill seeping into his bones? She hurriedly walked toward him, her jaw clenched and her hand squeezing the saber hilt angrily. For a second, he actually thought she might use her weapon on him – that was how livid she appeared to be.

"You're getting on that ship with your own two feet, or I'll drag you on there myself!"

He shook his head. "There's nothing for me there."

"I'm there," she countered, her voice cracking from a constricted throat. Her anger was breaking down into desperation and it was extremely difficult to not give into her demands, but he remained firm.

"You know they'll kill me for everything I've done. And then where would that leave you?"

"Don't try to use me as an excuse! We can figure out a way to keep you alive. You're just afraid of facing up to everything you've done, but sooner or later, you're gonna have to. So you might as well do it with me around so I can help you through the guilt. Let me help you!"

Men were banging at the door behind him and Rey glanced at the closed entrance. "We don't have time for this! Just get on the ship and we'll figure everything out later."

Ren's feet wouldn't move. "I always tell myself I'll figure it out later, but this time, I already know what I want to do. I can meet up with you later on." Ren's facial muscles were seizing up from the cold and he welcomed the reprieve from the torture.

Rey harshly grabbed a fistful of his shirt, trying to shake some sense into him. "There won't be a later on! Can't you feel it? If you don't get on that ship, we'll never see each other again!"

Maybe that was what the past two weeks were trying to tell him: that Rey and him could never work and he needed to accept that. Her life was the antithesis to his dark existence and were impossible to join together, like oil and water. Maybe all those times he felt like their destinies were entwined was just him wishfully thinking that he could be with a woman as exceptional as her.

Rey's mouth slackened, a whole lot of what-the-hell-are-you-thinking forming into her expression. "You can't do this to me again. So if you're not getting on that ship, then neither am I!"

"Rey –" The prick in his mind came back, telling him to get Rey to safety.

Tersely, Ren Force pushed Rey to the ramp, Poe and Finn catching her before the landing became extremely hazardous. Ren jumped back just as the darksaber slammed down where he'd been standing. With his saber ignited, he blocked the onslaught of attacks, his mind purely focused on the threat trying to kill him. There was only a few seconds of dueling before the rooftop door finally opened, soldiers flooding out of the exit and firing at him and the Falcon. Ren ran to the side, his lightsaber attempting to block the blaster fire as he jumped off the buildings ledge, feeling a sharp sting in his left shoulder blade and right calf. He kept his mind on using the Force to slow his fall, trying not to be distracted by the new injuries.

But damn, they were too excruciating to fully ignore.

With Ren's strength already extremely spent, the fall was less than graceful, the shock of hitting the ground shooting through his knees and vibrating his teeth.

His side and back were aching to the point that it was hard to breathe through the pain. He grabbed at the side wound, twisting the flesh and using the painful anger to fuel his focus. Cato landed in front of him and Ren braced himself quickly for the succession of blows.

Ren was put on the defensive, parrying the swings and thrusts from the very capable knight. His performance was grossly below expectations, which unnerved him. Up above, the Falcon maneuvered away from the blaster fire, but didn't leave the quarry. It was twisting and turning, trying to stay close to him while firing at the enemy.

Cato took advantage of the distraction and lunged at Ren's exposed right side. The sharp slice took his breath away, but he didn't have time to assess the damage. From the heat spooling over onto his leg, he knew the wound was bad.

The fight was being drawn out into the open, catching the attention of a few soldiers. Ren had to block their fire and track Cato's blade at the same time and all of it was proving to be too taxing on his already throbbing brain. Luckily, the Falcon flew by, firing at the rooftop and causing half the building to collapse, giving Ren time to focus solely on Cato.

Their sabers locked and Cato twisted, wrenching Ren's hilt from his grasp and leaving him unarmed. Ren ducked, jumped and skidded out of the way of both sabers. He grabbed Cato's wrist and twisted to plant his elbow right in the knight's mask. Involuntarily, the knight dropped the darksaber and it slid off to the side against a boulder. Cato hooked his foot against Ren's heel and pulled, sending him to the ground with a loud grunt.

Ren outstretched his hand, calling the blade to him, but Cato proved to be faster as he drove Ren's blade right in the direction for his heart. The darksaber was not going to make it to his hand in time. So with no options left, Ren lifted his hand to block the crackling blade.

It was a move that was rarely used and never practiced – which was understandable, seeing how no one in their right mind would voluntarily put their hand against a lightsaber. But this was Ren's only option, so he had to risk it.

Heat blasted into his palm, but thankfully, the saber did not cross through his flesh. While straddling Ren, Cato leaned into the saber, causing it to disappear further into his hand. Ren gritted his teeth so hard, he was surprised they hadn't shattered. The pain in his palm was equivalent to holding your hand directly over a fire, but he didn't dare flinch.

As his endorphins kicked in, he soared to a nice high that made him glow with what felt like health, but was really evidence that his body was in a lot of trouble. There were injuries everywhere and he knew he shouldn't be feeling this way unless his body was starting to shut down. It was essentially the high one received before death took them, and for the first time during the whole ordeal, Ren realized that dying was a very big possibility.

Was this what his victims felt in their last moments? The thought echoed in his mind as it lingered.

Rey tugged on their bond and in his desperation, he wrenched it open. Without asking and not knowing her intentions, he stole a portion of Rey's power and put it all behind a Force push. Ren's saber flew off into the distance, leaving Cato on top of him. Ren twisted his hips and the two men wrestled for control, their forearms and biceps straining as they rolled around. Usually Ren was good at the ground game, but given how his muscles had liquefied, he was close to useless. Even his clothes felt like heavy chains around him, drawing him further into the ground.

His will to keep going was there. His body was not.

Cato punched Ren's bad side, shuffling his internal organs and causing his eyesight to blacken momentarily as he wobbled to his full height. The high was now gone, putting him in full crash territory. The knight's hit had stunned Ren long enough for the man to find the darksaber and come at him. As Ren tried to dart out of the way, his mind moved too sluggishly for his body to respond. The unholy blade sliced at his upper arm and Ren knew the situation was dire when he didn't even feel it.

His actions were very much like a glass tumbling off a table, shattering and spilling in slow motion, unable to hold himself together anymore.

Ren anticipated Cato's next move completely wrong as he went in the opposite direction. His chest ignited into an inferno and every molecule in his body was shocked into submission. The darksaber slid into his sternum and pointed out his back, burning through his jacket.

There was pain, like the kind you experience when your throat burned from the cold air. Then there was PAIN, the type that you lived through when being shot by a bowcaster. This was PAIN, and the feeling numbed out the rest of Ren's senses.

Ren didn't feel his hands grip around Cato's, didn't register the pressure on his knees as they hit the ground. He didn't shudder, didn't process, didn't blink. His mind was falling, completely subject to the laws of gravity and descending at a speed that was uncontrollably gut wrenching. The destination was tantamount to death's door and he was going to be barging through it pretty soon.

Cato was on one knee as he plunged the blade further, the hilt pressing against Ren's chest and making him gasp. On his knees and out of luck, Ren looked up, glancing past Cato's odious mask and at the red rim of the sun against the mountains. The wind had calmed sometime during the fight and the storm clouds had veered off in the other direction, blessing Ren with the opportunity to feel the sun on his face one last time. How trivial he felt in that moment, his petty ambitions and strivings paling in the presence of the exalted elemental forces of nature and transience.

Death was full, while man remained so small.

On the Dejarik board of his Force-forsaken existence, the pieces had been lined up, the play already preordained. So many times in his life, Ren had thought he was choosing his own path, but he wasn't. The way he went was already decided for him and had led him here. Free will was an absolute illusion and Ren had been unbelievably naïve to think that he was an exception.

Fear flooded Ren's face, the same fear he would witness in all the people he had killed. There was no bargaining or pleading for more time. His life was now on a countdown to his end.

No amount of healing could bring him back from this. This was a mortal blow, a stain on his chest he couldn't wash away. The energy required to heal the wound would surely kill him faster, and he wanted to stay alive as long as possible.

Suddenly, Cato was violently tossed back into the air, the darksaber going with its master. As Ren fell back, he just laid there as a crushing pressure made his heart hurdle and his mind fog. Wide-eyed, all he could do was gasp, quick fluttering breaths beating against the blood rising in his throat, causing him to spit it out all over his face.

Each inhale made him feel like he was being stabbed all over again, but his body refused to let him go without oxygen.

One after the other, he saw faces. Each one of his victims appeared to him, watching as justice was enacted upon the man who murdered them. He thought they had long been forgotten, but his subconscious must have been storing away their images so they could be used at this exact moment.

Ren was living through the hopelessness each of them had experienced, and he couldn't stop the guilt that devoured him. Ren had always been unrepentantly wicked, but now, he wished he could take it all back. He had refused to kill children, but what a lie that all was. Every person in this galaxy was a child to someone, whether he or she was five or fifty. The village on Jakku had to have had children there; Ren just went out of his way to not look too closely.

His vision started to darken, his breathing becoming more labored. His thoughts drifted to Rey. Loving her was the most exquisite part of self-discovery and he regretted not telling her that, regretted not getting on the Falcon when he had the chance. If he just followed her onto the freighter, none of this would've happened. Maybe they could've found a way around his execution…

Damn. Rey was never going to be the same after his heart stopped beating and he couldn't do a thing about it. He was going to leave Rey to the curse of being alone while being surrounded by people. Maybe her stormtrooper would be enough to help her; maybe she could find some sort of comfort in him.

Ren was about to die alone by the same wound he inflicted upon his father. How fitting, he thought. An ironic smile plagued his lips as he felt his heart pull the remaining blood from his head. While his mind went through the steps of shutting down, his neurons started to fire, bringing up memories that had long been buried.

He was six and had just awoken from a nightmare. Having wet his bed and overwrought with fear, he crept to his mother's room. Opening the door, she saw his illuminated silhouette against the hallway light. He thought she was going to be upset that he'd woken her, but instead, she gave him a loving smile. She helped him get clean and change his sheets, and just when he thought she was going to leave him to his despair, she offered her son the empty spot next to her in bed.

"The monsters aren't real, Ben," she whispered in his ear. "And even if they were, I would never let them hurt you."

His mother held him all night, guarding him from the fiend that poisoned his thoughts and dreams.

Ahhhhhhhh…. Ren could feel his mother's arms through the good memory. It was comforting and warm and filled with love. Like all children, Ren had loved his parents unconditionally, until his neglect became a condition he could not look past. Leia had ignored him for most of his existence, but no amount of hate could mask how he cared for her. His last thoughts revolved around his mother – not Han, not Rey – and how he would never get to apologize for killing the man she had loved.

A guttural screaming of his name soared through the air, but Ren couldn't decipher who it was from.

His heart slowed, his eyes shut, and his body felt like it was floating. All feeling was now numbed, like his body was giving him one last breath of peace before he ceased to exist. It was sardonic that he had always been searching for this feeling, and the one place he found it was right before the end.

Death, who had always been his ally, was now coming for him, betraying him at his most vulnerable. This entity, this black shadow had robbed him of his innocence and was now going to take his substance. His body was going to become fertilizer upon this cold, harsh ground.

This is it, he thought. Panicked, he tried to open his eyes, but it was too late. They had become black walls. The vortex latched onto his soul, sucking him down no matter how much he tried to pull himself free.

"I'll always be here for you, Ben," his mother reassured him. He felt her smile against his cheek and he nuzzled closer to her warmth, feeling her embrace tighten around his small body.

A/N

I know, I know... Another cliffhanger?! This chapter was really long before I edited it. I had to summarize Rey's time at the base a lot more and shorten some of Ren's thoughts just so it could be under fifteen thousand words. I just write way too much.

If there is any errors while reading, I apologize. I was editing this in between my two kids wreaking havoc and watching Disney Junior. Not the best environment to write in, but I gotta use the time I have.

Anyway, hope you enjoyed it! If you can, leave a comment below. I am gonna try and get the next chapter up as soon as I can. Thanks for reading!