Chapter 9: Oh god he's dead. Kinda. Sorta.

Hello! I'm so sorry I haven't updated in ages but I've been slogging away for exams and with a massive family issue again it kinda pushed writing into the back of my mind! Anyway, I'm back now and should be updating perhaps once or twice a month depending on work load (A levels are a bitch). But I got all A*s so I've got that going for me which is nice.

Oh yeah, this chapter contains the F word once and I think there's the S word in there somewhere... So warning!

Dawn broke all too quickly for James on Monday morning. Last night had been shocking to say the least; he had spent the majority of the evening trying to pull himself through the time vortex again using variations of time vapours but had failed miserably on all counts to the point where he had spat out blood. Not pleasant at all. Amy was still convinced that he was an utter madman in a box and ever since the whole 'you're dying' episode, had not come with him to any of his TARDIS experiments which, in a strange way, disappointed James. Not because he fancied Amy, of course; humans and aliens did not date... Especially not aliens who were stuck in the wrong time stream with complicated heritage and especially not humans who didn't seem to appreciate and savour the TARDIS to the extent James felt was required.

So when James found himself pulled from his pleasant dreams of stress-free time travel, he couldn't help but get a sinking feeling in his stomach that he hadn't felt for a long time.

A small sniffle from across the room scattered James' thoughts.

Sticking his head out the side of his bed, he had a clear view of Remus in the bed next door, cover pulled up to just below his red rimmed eyes.

'Remy-' James whispered across the room. The sniffle stopped abruptly and silence met James' ears, 'Remy-' James tried again.

'Yeah?' a muffled sound came from Remus' general direction followed by another sniffle. With a small frown, James slipped out of bed, his feet protected from the cold air by his bed socks, and softly padded over to Remus' bed; upon arrival, James sat down underneath Remus' bed spread, he could roughly feel Remus' legs through the massively plump duvet.

'What's up, mate?' James said, staring in Remus' head's direction as there was no way, even with James' eyesight, to distinguish between where Remus' head ended and the duvet began.

'It's nothing-' Remus tried to say through his blocked up nose but it came out more of a slur of unintelligible sounds.

'It's not nothing because you wouldn't be upset if it was nothing... Remus, what's up?' James tried to school his features into the most sympathetic look he could manage but it probably verged on deranged stalker, James thought to himself.

'I just- I just wish things were different,' Remus said defeatedly, his eyes downcast as James looked at him with a small confused frown.

'In what way?'

'Well, I wish that my mum wasn't so ill and that people thought I was cool like they think about you and that you weren't doing rituals in that room of yours and that-'

'Hang on- what?' James cut Remus off, completely bewildered as words spilled out of Remus' mouth in a torrent of upset. Remus stared at James, eyes wide in fear as James narrowed his.

'You are much cooler than me-' Remus said, grasping for words as he floundered under James' intense stare.

'No, that I was doing rituals,' James growled out. From the corner of his eye, James saw Sirius stir under his duvet; lowering his voice to an angered whisper, he continued, 'Remus, why on earth would I do that? What could possibly convince you that I was doing /that/? Dark magic, Remus, dark magic,'

Remus shrugged and sat up to look James in the eye, 'I saw the room you keep going into and when you didn't come out for a while, we went in and I saw runes and blood and last time I checked, that equals dark magic,'

'Firstly, are you really the best person to be making assumptions about a person based on possible dark inclinations? And secondly, 'we'? You and Sirius followed me, obviously then,' James seethed, struggling to keep his voice low and he became more and more incensed by the distinct lack of trust from his two best friends.

For the first time in what felt like forever, James had, for some now clearly crazy reason, thought he'd found people he could trust and actually just enjoy being with. Obviously that was not the case. Remus slouched back into his headboard; the side of his cheek bitten down between his teeth.

James sighed.

'I wasn't doing that kind of ritual. I was doing a form of ritual, but not one a magical ritual, more of a cultural thing that has been passed down the generations of my dad's side of the family...'

'But your dad's Ben Potter, right? ' Remus said through the darkness and James couldn't help but sigh: this was always going to happen, he just hadn't envisioned it so quickly.

'Yes... And no,' Remus opened his mouth to speak but snapped it closed as James spoke again, 'It's not a linear thing and quite frankly, it's a bit wibbly wobbly but I do /have/ a dad who went by that alias but again, it's only an alias,'

'Remus, we're different, my dad and I, and it may seem kinda weird to you that it doesn't make proper sense and the logic is a bit skewed and to be brutally honest, neither my dad, nor I, know the full story behind me and the Potter thing as it seems not to have fully worked its way out in this fragment of time yet. It comes with who we are. We don't make sense, we are split across time in a way that is not a natural progression of events in a very linear format and so when we make contact with a fragment we like, we try to settle down and thus have to make people for ourselves to be.

Remus, what I'm trying to say is I'm not from here. My very existence is shattered across the universe. I have no starting point except in my own age and I, today, can feel the repercussions of decisions I have not yet made.

But I am still here; I'm still here in this fragment.

Do you see what I'm trying to say, Remus? I'm not from here. I'm not from anywhere. I don't make sense and that is why my dad is not who my dad is, because I am not who I am,'

'So who are you?'

'The Doctor.'

'Can you believe that Binns gave us three rolls of parchment? THREE ROLLS!' Sirius huffed as he collapsed into one of the chairs collected around one of the library tables; his books and ink tumbled out of his arms onto the table with a loud thump that garnered a sour look from Madame Kenting, the grumpiest woman that James had ever encountered and whom hated children with a burning passion unparalleled by any other.

'I'm dropping it as soon as I can,' James said in a not so quiet whisper causing Remus to jump into action.

'I actually quite like it. I think it's fascinating learning about goblin treaties that shaped the world in which we live today,' he said not unkindly with true interest sparkling in his eyes.

'Remus, you know as well as I that I love history and different times,' James gave a small smirk that Remus returned through a slight redness growing on his cheeks at the secret they shared, 'but be honest with yourself, out of all areas of history to learn about, is the goblin treaty of 1722 really the most interesting thing to teach a bunch of eleven year olds? I mean, seriously, I know for a fact that in 1722 they was dragon racing every Saturday and Wednesday until one dragon escaped and ate a whole village and then took control of a mountain belonging to dwarves who became hell bent on regaining control. So please, tell me again how goblin treaties are more interesting,'

Sirius and Peter sat gobsmacked. Peter looked like he was trying to formulate a sentence but eventually just fell back into silence; his quill dripped black ink onto his half completed essay, forgotten entirely. Sirius, on the other hand, seemed to have plenty to say.

'They actually raced dragons?' he said open mouthed, making James smile.

'Yes, and it was a very popular sport. People used to have teams and there were team colours and leagues and all sorts of things,' James said as he fished around in his bag for his copy of 'Outlandish Wizarding Sports: Sport's Never Been So Dangerous'. Picking it up by its already dog eared cover, James slammed it on the desk in excitement, eliciting an angry 'sh!' from Madame Kenting. James flicked through the pages with a not so sheepish grin before arriving at 'Dragons and Doglmines: Sports That Really Shouldn't Have Taken Place'.

'There were leagues? Are you sure? I think my dad would have told me about this, being our heritage and all,' Sirius peered across the table to look at the colourful pictures of dragons racing around an arena, small people on their backs looking either completely rapturous or god damn terrified (it was hard to decipher, especially upside down).

'I'm certain. I practically follow this sport with the slight issue of it being abandoned, but it's always fun to read the stats,' James shrugged to the three boys who all stared at him. Remus' stare, however, stood out from the rest; rather than it being a stare of awe, you could practically see the cogs in his head ticking over until they reached a conclusion. Remus' eyebrow quirked and a small smile grew on his face as he understood. Peter's stare, rather than being one of thought, appeared to be one of fear if the gulping audible from across the table was anything to go by.

'Mate,' Sirius said, 'You just got even cooler.'

James, somewhat unreasonably, was greatly affirmed. It was an unusual occurrence for him to find himself surrounded by a group of people who seemed perfectly content to discuss the more trivial areas of life and yet still enjoyed deeper conversations of obvious matters such as girls and quidditch. James' dad, despite being good conversation and company, wasn't a friend, he was a dad and so James had found himself inadvertently missing the normal areas of human life that came with being a 'teenage' boy. Even though he was technically a lot older than the rest of the teens at Hogwarts, he actually found their company as enjoyable, if not more, than most of the adults he had met; they were more free and open to act how they wanted (within reasonable bounds) which counteracted James' more mature side that had, unwillingly mind you, started to leak into his behaviour.

In that vein of thought, James decided to do something that even his dad wouldn't consider doing.

'Let's start dragon racing up again.' James said in determination. All three other boys shot him a look that said 'I can't tell if you're being serious and I'm too scared to ask'; Peter, despite normally being the most quiet, was the most vocal.

'We can't do that, J-J-James! It's illegal!' he whimpered as if begging James to reconsider. It was at this point that Peter's eyes started to water and his lips twitch: he was panicking. Again.

'Technically, you are correct; however, I know for a fact that racing pretty life-like allusions is not and yet could be just as much fun,' James replied sardonically in response to Peter's wimpiness. If it weren't for the fact that James cared too much about people in general to turn Peter away, he would have stopped being friends with Peter a long time ago; he was always scared of something, it would be fair enough but Peter seemed to never show any form of confidence, even among his closest friends: he never changed in front of them; he never spoke about his home life, even Sirius was more vocal; he never suggested they do anything that wasn't stay in the common room; he just seemed to be negative about EVERYTHING. And James meant everything.

'I like it,' Sirius said with a growing smile, 'Maybe we could use the Quidditch stands to hold everyone?'

'But would it be big enough?' Remus asked as he read through the sort of race circuits the dragons normally raced: they seemed to encompass miles upon miles of course looping around forest and mountains.

'There's only one way to find out,' Sirius said with a grin.

Yeah, this wasn't going to go well.

Dinner time was an awkward affair.

Marlene McKinnon had sat herself directly opposite Sirius, displacing Peter from his usual seat, and was making suggestive looks and questions that Sirius didn't fully know how to answer. Naturally, James and Remus were near wetting themselves with laughter as another 'oh you're so brave' and 'you'll have to prove it to me later' were purred across the table in the most unladylike fashion that Sirius, yet again, didn't know how to handle.

If these were usual circumstances James would have been certain that Sirius could charm his way out of whatever pick up lines were thrown at him but it seemed that McKinnon was very persistent for a second year and had no issue with accidentally spilling water down her blouse to display her bright lacy pink bra.

It was not an uncommon occurrence, the boys had found, for a group of giggling girls to surround them and test out their first and second year flirting on them, but by now they would have normally got bored of the lack of interest reciprocated and turned back to themselves. James was certainly glad for the lack of attention this time: he couldn't help but feel guilty every time that a girl tried to talk to him as he never meant anything through what he said because he was physically seventeen and he was pretty sure that even as alien laws go, that was illegal.

Sirius, despite rolling in the attention presented directly and uniquely at him, had had enough.

'McKinnon, Marlene, listen, there's something you should know-' Sirius pushed out of his mouth.

'Yes, it's very serious-' James added not so helpfully but he seemed to enjoy leaning forward mysteriously to multiply the drama. Remus, although usually quiet in public situations, was itching to enter the conversation and so did so in the most entertaining way he could think of off the top of his head.

'He's gay.'

'Yes I am-' Sirius said, nodding slowly with his eyes shut as if to solemnly agree with whatever was being said, 'Hang on- WHAT?!'

Sirius turned to Remus, mouth wide open as Remus and James nodded in acceptance causing McKinnon to look at the group, especially Sirius, in a very confused manner.

'Sirius, I know you asked us to keep this one secret,' Remus began, giving James a subtle nudge to carry on.

'But really, McKinnon here shouldn't get her hopes up for someone flying for the other side,' James said to Sirius in a placid tone that McKinnon couldn't help but believe to be real. Sirius was now growing red with embarrassment as his friends dug a deeper and deeper hole.

'I'm really not, you gotta believe me-' Sirius pleaded to McKinnon who gave a small kind smile which only caused Sirius to get more embarrassed as he felt his straight ship sinking. James and Remus on the other hand, wouldn't let it sink fully yet: they had work to do.

'Remus, can you smell something?' James asked 'innocently'.

Remus gave a loud and dramatic sniff before turning to James, 'Why yes, I can, James,'

'It smells very familiar,'

'Almost as if it is a frequent flyer,'

'I know what it is!' James exclaimed as he turned to Sirius, 'it's denial.'

Both Remus and James breathed out in mocking relief sending McKinnon into fits of giggles as she watched Sirius stutter to get something, anything, out.

'I'm really not, I just didn't want to lead you on and-' Sirius gushed but Marlene only shook her head sympathetically, a look of pity crossed her eyes.

'Don't worry about it! Everyone is different,' she smiled, 'Your secret is safe with me,' and with that, she stood up and exited the great hall, grabbing a pear from a fruit bowl as she left.

The moment she left the hall Sirius turned to James and Remus glowering.

'What the HELL was that?' he spat through his look of utter disdain. James opened his mouth to try and explain the humour that Sirius must have missed and that it was all a joke but Sirius was having none of it, 'That was a rhetorical question and I wouldn't want an answer from either of you two nut heads either seeing as it would most likely be something related to homosexuality, my obvious gay side or something else completely incorrect.'

'Siri, it was a joke-' Remus raised his hands in apology but Sirius was distinctly not in the mood.

'What if my parents hear? Or worse, the Slytherins?' Sirius leant forward and loudly whispered. James, and by the looks of things Remus, hadn't thought that far ahead but in his 'years of wisdom' was certain things would be fine, after all, McKinnon was only a halfblood and so the moment a pureblood such as himself or Amy contested it and said it wasn't true, it'd be forgotten about entirely. James said so and Sirius although still on edge, relaxed a bit into his seat.

'If you look at it in a positive light, at least McKinnon is going to stop pursuing you now,' Remus said very matter of factly but James could see that behind his logical exterior he was trying to make amends with Sirius in the best way he could without outwardly admitting fault.

It was peculiar the way that the human mind worked, James decided. It was nearly always overflowing with emotion and thoughts and yet humans managed to retain the majority of their major ideas and feelings and expel the trivial or futile ones - rather odd in James' mind. Another thing that surprised James was the amount of pride in such young boys, for they were but eleven and twelve, as to James this seemed like a disproportionately small amount of time to have gathered an ego such as theirs and yet it was exhibited across the supposed entirety of the male gender in the species. The reason he found this so surprising, he supposed, was that Remus was so downtrodden and wary of his effect on people that he near never spoke against another person apart from Peter, James, or Sirius and yet had no problem hiding his emotions to remain being seen as the strong, logical member of the group.

James did feel a bit guilty about studying his friends like a scientific experiment but in all fairness, this was the closest emotionally he'd ever got to a group of humans and he was fascinated.

'Can you believe McGonagall apparently is dating Dumbledore?' Sirius asked, his mind had already moved on from the minor blow to his ego and had settled on more important things.

'Nah- she's not,' James said as he watched the two talk up on the head table. There were thirteen seats on the head table today and only eleven were filled; James noted that Appsworth was nowhere to be seen but quickly became more interested in trying to lip read what Dumbledore was saying to McGonagall.

'I'm pretty sure they are,' Sirius said, his eyes were locked on the pair, 'Alice told me that McGonagall had been holding out for him and that he asked her out over summer,'

'But they're ancient!' Peter said appalled, 'They can't date! That's almost as bad as- as-'

'I think McGonagall's forty which isn't so bad. I heard that her last boyfriend died mysteriously and she only just got over him, which would explain the lack of male attention,' James said before shoving a spoonful of cookie ice cream into his mouth, only stopping chewing to think about how old Dumbledore must be in comparison to McGonagall because let's face it, Dumbledore was no spring chicken.

' I heard that McGonagall's last boyfriend fell off the map at the same time you-know-who first came to power and that he was murdered,' Sirius whispered in a fashion extremely reminiscent of Madeline Hughs, the biggest gossip that had ever walked the halls of Hogwarts. It was a well known fact that Sirius, despite trying to control it, was a gossip who never actually gossiped maliciously but rather enjoyed telling others what he'd found out the morning prior.

'I don't think he was murdered, I think he just went missing, probably back to the muggle world seeing as his last name was distinctly not wizarding,' Remus stated making Sirius raise his eyebrows almost into his hairline. James was surprised by this as well as it was extremely uncommon for purebloods, such as the McGonagalls, to marry out of the pureblood dating pool but rather preferred to add to the already 'creative' gene pool from which all purebloods were made from, hence the exponential growth in the number of squibs being churned out by the ancient houses every generation (rumour had it that the latest Malfoy child called Lucius was also a squib but had somehow worked his way into Hogwarts through a payout, but this was from Sirius who wasn't exactly the most reliable source when it came to the Malfoy and Black line).

'I'm not surprised really,' Sirius said, 'If you think about it, why would an obviously non-pureblood hang around when purebloods are rising up? I mean, come on-'

'Do you think they actually are?' Peter said, 'Dating, I mean,'

James shrugged and Sirius waved his hand non-committedly. Remus had opened his mouth to say something but was cut off by a fourth year sat near him misfiring the whipped cream she was flicking and hitting him square on the cheek. James sniggered. Remus stared at him, wiping the cream off with his hand and smearing it along the table in disdain.

'I'd give it two weeks,' Remus said as he wiped the remainder of the cream off of his hands, 'Then we'll know for sure.'

2014, The Official Office of the State, England:

The office the doctor had found himself in was swelteringly hot even though all the twenty windows that could be open were open, letting in the menial breeze blowing into the room. It was a sunday and thus the majority of staff members were not behind their desks so the Doctor didn't feel too bad when he grabbed a load of files from the filing cabinet marked 'Magic, Ministry of: M-S' and dumped them onto 'Sherwood, Denny''s desk. After wiping away lots of rubber wads and removing the seemingly thousands of pens this guy owned off of the desk, he set to work tracking down all he could to do with Potter, James and what the hell happened whilst he was gone.

He picked up the first brown file off the pile and flicked it open to reveal a long list of items owned by the Ministry of Magic and its various departments. Sighing in disappointment, the Doctor put the file into a pile on the floor and opened the next one to the same result. It was five hours later that he found anything interesting.

'House Potter:

An ancient and noble house thats members recently lead to the downfall of Voldemort in October 1981 after an attack on Harry Potter at their residence. The father, James Potter, was found dead in the doorway, the mother, Lily Potter, née Evans, was found in the nursery near Harry Potter who is alive but missing. Harry Potter was said to be a remarkable likeness to his father.'

Clarity. That's what the Doctor saw when he read the file. It all made sense. Harry Potter was his son and so was James Potter. They were the sense person living in different time streams. No wonder he was so hard to track! He was two people at the same time and how could anyone pin point where one person was if they were dead and alive and born and unborn in one stream. Unlike never before, the Doctor felt true hope. He knew that his son would catch up with him at some point: he had visited that time stream before and so meeting was inevitable.

But then he realised.

James was dead.

It said so here. His son was dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. It hurt his head to think about. From such hope he had fallen so low. It wasn't fair. He had tried so hard. He had been alone for so long and then he found his son and he had gone too. This wasn't fair. Why did he have to be alone. He was selfish, he knew that. It was selfish to think about yourself when your son had just died but he didn't care, not anymore. He could feel tears growing in his eyes and falling furiously onto the table in hot pools. It wasn't fair. Why did he always try so hard to help when the world couldn't help but kick him in the teeth again and again.

The security guard across the room stared at him uneasily, almost as if he was waiting for him to stop his upset and return to normal. With that in mind, the Doctor took a deep breath and set himself to find out more about what happened the night when James died. It wasn't so much interest but raging desperation that spurred him on to crack open another file; this one, however, was named 'Mysteries, Department of, vol. 1' and about an inch thicker than even the Potter file.

The Doctor flicked the cover open and scanned its pages, looking for any evidence that could possibly give him a firmer lead about James' whereabouts at given points in time. The Department of Mysteries was infamous for its mishaps and secrets and so the Doctor was almost certain that James would crop up at least once given his perchance for finding trouble.

In spite of this, it was a good half hour before anything showed up.

A date. 31st October 1981.

A date with a series of photos next to them.

A man with blood across his face and glasses knocked onto the floor, trampled by someone or something.

A destroyed hallway leading up to a woman with red hair on the floor. Her.

A baby in a cot with a lightening bolt scar.

It was James. James was dead on the floor covered in blood.

Hang on. The Doctor's mind reeled very suddenly as it was catapulted forward.

'James married my wife? James married his MUM? That is disgusting.' the Doctor said very loudly and clearly in the almost empty office. The security guard turned around.

'You what?' he said, lifting his cap up to get a better view of the Doctor who was now on the verge of gagging in horror.

'James, my son, he went missing and there's a photo of him next to my wife and they had wedding rings on and they were married with my child which I don't understand because why would James do that? He knew who Lily was. He's seen photos so why was he married to his mum? It doesn't make sense,' the Doctor turned to the guard who had put his coffee down and was looking at the Doctor in sheer horror.

'He fucked his mum?'

'No! Of course he didn't! Stupid question! No he didn't do it for attraction that much is obvious and so approaching this from that angle is the wrong question,' the Doctor stated as he walked towards the guard, wringing his hands and then stuffing them in his pockets before pulling them out again.

'So what's the righ' question?' the guard asked with more than a hint of confusion.

'What did he know: that is the question,'

'Nothing,' the guard said plainly making the Doctor shoot him a glare that clearly said 'you will elaborate or I will get you', 'Well it's known, innit, everyone knows,'

'No, not everyone. I don't know and I'm his father so I would make yourself clear or you'll have me to deal with and trust me, you don't want that,' the Doctor said darkly, his eyes swirled with gold and a deep blue that the guard couldn't help but stare into. It was so old and yet timeless and-

'Tell me.' the Doctor's bark broke the guard from his stupor and pushed him into action.

'The Potters were betrayed by Black. No one knew it was going to happen, not until it did. They went into hiding and only a couple people knew and then Black sold them out to You-Know-Who an' suddenly they was dead. It was in the papers and everyfin-'

'James was sold out?'

'Yeah and it was his best friend as well which surprised a lot of people. He was a Black though so no one was too shocked,' the guard raised one eyebrow as if to share even more knowledge but the Doctor didn't care. He needed to find Black and to find out what actually happened.

'Where is he?' he growled to the guard who looked blank.

'Where's 'oo?'

'Black. Where's Black.'

'Azkaban prison. He's in Azkaban,' the guard said with a shudder.

The Doctor scooped up the stack of useful files and put the rest into a vague resemblance of a pile before jogging back to the TARDIS. He almost knocked over John Major as he went who was back in the office for some reason that the Doctor, despite having enough curiosity to start an MI6 mission over it, was too preoccupied to find out. As he ran through the corridors with increasing haste, the Doctor couldn't help but feel all over the place, as if his mind was scattered and unable to place itself back together in any meaningful way. Probably just tiredness and stress, the Doctor thought, but unusual none the less.

The reason for James being with Lily for her death must be simple, the Doctor decided. James was an extraordinarily intelligent and capable person and so putting himself unnecessarily into the line of fire was really not his thing so whatever reason James had for being there for Lily must make sense and be logical.

Back to the start. What did he know? What did the Doctor know about James? What facts were there?

James had never met his mum. He had always wanted to but the Doctor couldn't bring himself to do it. So any opportunity would be taken as used to maximum capability. But that still didn't explain why he was there at her death. What could he have known? Not her death date. Unless. Unless he had read it in one of the Doctor's journals when he was trying to find his mum when he was small. Yes. He knew. He knew why happened and when. He also knew that James Porter was his 'father'. He also knew his 'father' died to give Lily time to save Harry. Him. James had to die to save himself and to give Lily time to save herself as well.

And if he had survived the curse once, why not again?

He knew there was a man there; the Doctor had told him about the Potters before. So James died to try and save his mum and himself. Maybe. Perhaps. A quite definite possibly.

Hm. Made some sense.

End chapter 9.

A/N: Okay, so that's chapter 9 which is setting the scene for the upcoming events ! Dun dun dun! Guess whose coming back next chapter?! Also, we have a dr who episode plot coming along in two chapters time so try and guess (it's a modern episode) :)