Hard Knocks
Ratchet repaired my shoulder, well his creation, however i never made eye contact with him, i felt awkward around him and i think i will continue to feel awkward, around him especially, "there you're done." Ratchet said flatly as he was quick to turn away and head towards his doorway but stopped just past it, "we cannot spare time to deal with your sudden outbursts; Cybertron has been dead long before you ever came into existence, if you want to help, help. But don't become part of problem." He stated coldly before leaving me alone in the room.
I looked at the floor wearily, that had done it, i can't be upset, i can't be angry is there a neutral emotion that suits all? Yeah i know the emotion it's called 'silence', i then held a hand on my shoulder it was a very swift repair, it stung and in human terms it looked infected, thanks Ratchet. I can't talk to him because ice is running in his energon right now, Dads ignoring me, Arcee is saying all the things i don't really want to hear, smokescreen is on a quest of 'destiny' or something, he's mentioned it a few times, so he probably isn't the most calmest bot to speak to, on a majority i think the best people to talk to are of human origin right now, my 'people'.
I then stood up from the med table as i went out into the hallway; i stopped to look at the iacon relics, the immobilizer, the spark extractor, the a-pex armour, the gauntlet. Pretty cool i guess but looking at all this alien stuff just makes me feel worse, then i came across arachnid, "wonder what they'll do with her when they leave?" I then sighed as i lent up against the wall, wonder what the guys would think? They've been kept in the dark about this, well in a sense we all are, there is still a feeling of secrecy around base and that is the main reason i'm feeling uncomfortable. I really wish that they were here right now; at least have someone to talk to about how they feel, mostly jack , i really appreciate him putting up with my moaning. I'm not getting anything like that here, i wouldn't, this isn't about me alone this is something bigger, planet side bigger.
I looked down the hallway to the main hall, i feel so angry looking at it, but i don't want to, i feel like an immature brat or something, Screw it I'll walk in, not just for the fact that lingering in a hall like a gremlin is weird but i want to go somewhere other than here but there was a problem i want to leave but something's holding me back, i think it's because i want to know everything that's happening like i need a constant update, just in case they suddenly disappear without so much as a 'goodbye'.
I took in my surroundings, Bulkhead and Smokescreen weren't here, i wondered why it was so quiet. I looked to bumblebee who leaning himself up against a wall, his arms were crossed as he had look of thought and disappointment to his posture. A slight glint caught my optics as i looked to the side at the now broken Star Saber let that be a symbol for the theme around here. I then noticed Arcee to the side she had made herself a big gap between anyone else and she was holding her arm, her optics caught with mine though i looked away, i doubt she's in any mood for social banter...but surprisingly she came up to me, i looked down slightly to my side as she placed a hand on my arm, "how's the shoulder?" she asked gently, typical that we are generally getting to the 'friend' word right when she leaves.
Her gentle touch was nice but i slightly winced as i didn't want any of that right now, "f-fine." I uttered shifting my arm from her hand, then i looked to her form as she still had an arm on her shoulder, "how did...?" i started pointing to her arm.
"Oh this? It's nothing just a slight scratch from knockout as we attempted to recover another key." She said coughing out an awkward laugh attempting not to put her troubles on me, normally everyone in the room hears her opinion so it was odd.
"Attempted?" i said.
"We...were unable to recover it this time." She said her head drooping slightly from personal shame.
"So...no one can restore cybertron at the moment?" i asked, my tone was somewhat uplifting...i-i shouldn't really be, it is her home.
"No." She said solemnly.
"Oh." Was my reply, i should feel bad and her reaction is not helping me keep up that 'sore' feeling, but they'll get them back one way or another so nothing changes either way.
"Oh?" Ratchet then spoke up as he had been staring at both of us for a while, "is that all you have to say?" he said approaching me, "how about some sound of regret?" he hissed.
"Ratchet, drop it." Arcee started.
I felt myself go back to a bitter attitude, he expects me to sound regretful?! What about him?! 'We can always...text them'? Yeah, that's sounds regretful.
"Well?" he said again, he kept pushing me with his words and so i thought I'd make that physical, so i lightly pushed him to back off,
"What's there to regret?" i stated coldly, and i don't know why but my vision made colour darken slightly, did my optics deepen in colour?
He was slightly taken aback by my sudden gesture but this just made him angrier, "Why you selfish ungrateful youngling!" he growled, "After everything we've done for, everything we've had to endure from you and you show no sympathy in return..." he started.
"Yeah like you have right?!" i yelled in his face, my nose practically touched his.
"Sympathy for what?! We're able to go home and you show no encouragement, merely think like the human you are, your trait of possession, you want to keep us here like animals in captivity!" he yelled back practically towering over me in turn.
"t-that's not true!" i argued slight hesitation escaped me as i felt cornered.
"So what's with the attitude, we're leaving, we're not dying." He scoffed.
"Why don't you get it?! Your lea-ving is this not ringing a bell?" i said throwing my arms up in hope he gets a sign.
"We, will be able to contact you." He said trying to understand, he was actually trying to comprehend what the problem is.
I threw my hands on my head in frustration, "It's not!..." i started as i then waved my arms up in defeat as i walked off just to be away from him.
"It's not what? Don't stop in mid sentence." Ratchet said about to pursue me.
"Ratchet." Dad then spoke up. "Leave her be." He added, great support there, well at least he can still speak.
"She!...fine." he said moving himself to the opposite side of the room near the groundbridge lever.
"Ellen, your sudden acts of aggression are becoming, concerning..." Dad then started but his attention was on the screen.
"I'm fine, I'll just stand to the side, i don't want to be part of the problem." I scoffed in Ratchets direction. I lent up against the place where all humans would usually hang out at, this time not breaking anything, i looked at the couch as these times of hanging out there echoed in my processor, mainly of when we would attempt to stop miko and her destiny for photography, or scrub pictures of bumblebee on the internet, why is it always bumblebee? I think he does it on purpose heh...well ...so much for memories...and all this will just be a memory.
"Ratchet we need a bridge." Came Bulkheads voice, and my cue.
I need to get out of here, go into town or something, despite still being in this form I'll watch people or something, a wandering cat, anything. So i walked towards the exit throwing my arms back and forth not being an attentive seeker or anything just to refrain myself from exploding into a panic attack.
"Where are you going?" Ratchet asked as though he were interrogating me, why should he care where i'm going? Probably giving himself every chance to have a go at me.
"Out. i can't stay here its driving me crazy." I said heading towards the exit transforming and driving out of there hopefully my engine noise expressed my frustration.
Now where to go? Miko would demand answers from me and I'd have to play Mortal Kombat with rafs brothers, i love the game but right now id probably imagine performing a fatality on Ratchet something i really don't want to picture despite my out of place self.
Jacks it is then, his mom might be in though, well at least she'd be more welcoming, i hope. Ah, it's really calm out here, on the dusty road, especially in the evening, its silent and i can think, yeah i can think but i can't seem to calm down if i were in my human body I'd be experiencing butterflies right now. Geez i'm anxious, meh, well lets see, tumble weed, cactus, rocks, road, rocks...sky, rocks, dust! jerk! Stupid intimidating road rager! O-oh wait its smokescreen...of course it would be! I just came out of base! Judging by his speed he's pretty upset himself but i turned my comm link on anyway just to be sure, "hey smoke slow down your faster than me." I said and he did so, as i drove beside him keeping a look out for any oncoming traffic, "why are you out here?" i asked.
"For a drive." He stated coldly.
"What happened" i said in an almost sigh.
"Apparently i'm not good enough to be an autobot." He said.
"How?" i asked.
"I want to help, what's wrong with that? And when i express my regret in not being able to retrieve the next key Arcee lectures me." He said.
"Hey come on that doesn't mean you're not good enough..." and did he just say he couldn't get the key? "There just...talking from experience, it's what they do, Arcee just doesn't know her limits when she's said too much." I said.
"Well maybe she's right maybe i'm not working as part of the team." He said.
His moaning wasn't helping, plus i wasn't up for giving advice and i felt like throwing it back in his face but i don't like to put people down when there already down, plus smokescreen was that type of guy you couldn't scold well for me it was hard. "You shouldn't doubt yourself, your you and she's her." I said bluntly, I'll be honest i wasn't trying that time. And smokescreen probably knew it too as the drive was now silent, awkward something i'm trying to get away from, but then again realising that i can't run to anywhere in a sense. "Come on Smoke lets head on back." I finally said in a sigh.
"Not yet, let's just...drive." he said, his tone was much more calmer now, but still down.
"Sure." I said flatly.
"What about you?" he then asked.
"What?" i said.
"Now don't punch me in the face again but, i won't joke this time, your upset about our planet revival." He said.
"No!" i snapped, but in an instance of regret, "sorry, it's not your planet revival i'm upset about i'm generally pleased for any cybertronian out there looking for a home i really am, b-but." I slightly stuttered as my voice broke at the end.
"bu-u-ut?" smokescreen lightly pushed.
If i could roll my optics i would, "Your planets light years away, if there was even a possibility of being able to visit, it's not the same." I said as i lightly sighed, i finally found someone to express myself to and yet i'm unprepared, "i wake up in the morning to humans and bots, i hang with my human friends, i hang with my bot friends, i come home to humans and bots, i could not live with either gone, my human friends, i can't leave them and you guys i can't live without, and the way you guys are acting it doesn't help, all this so soon i can't bare it, its as if you can't wait to get off our rock after everything, our time together, the laughs, the moments, the way Ratchet exclaims 'i needed that!'" i then chuckled at that thought alone but instantly dropped to dread. "i-i'm scared and it's a more in depth type of fear, l-loss, and secrecy." I said.
"I-i didn't realise it was more than that." He said.
"Well you guys have been busy..." I said.
"Well try to take it in your strife after all we don't have all the keys and well who knows how these things work." He said as though giving me a pat on the back. "Still i'm pretty mad with myself for losing that key." He said coldly.
"Well everyone goes through that experience...failure, its best to try and look forward then back, i'm pretty sure Arcee has had her share of failures in the past, that's why she's probably trying to be hard on you...either that or she needs an anger management class." i said.
"Hmmm..." he said.
"I feel so alien when i'm at base at the moment." I then changed to as i did not want to go back into awkward silence.
"But, you are alien." He said.
I lightly chuckled, "no i mean i can always feel comfortable around you guys but now i don't as if you were strangers." I said.
"oh." He said flatly.
"Still sore?" i asked.
"Yeah, i even deactivated my comm link." He said.
"H-yeah me too, well i only reactivated it because you cut me up but thinking about it now, should we?" i said. It's one of those frustrated moments where it feels right then after a while you start to regret that decision.
"Oh come on, they won't need us, your being ignored and i'm a mere foot soldier." He said coldly.
"Y-Yeah." I said. He didn't really mince words. But it's true.
Now the atmosphere was better, conversation, expressing feelings, thank god and primus. My vision started following the road markings, something i used to do when i was younger to distract myself from falling car sick. The ironic thing was that we would finish our journey, I'd get out, dad would transform and i would nearly always throw up on his foot, he was just about to speak to general morshower at that point and he still refrained his usual expression, if i wasn't feeling so ill then i could've died from laughter, just like when
"Ellen?" Smokescreen then said, snapping me from clinging to memories and the road markings, his tone made me wary.
"What? What's wrong?" i asked slightly braking as a similar motion to 'whipping your head around'.
"Don't look now but we have a weird bird following us." He said.
I checked my own mirrors, it was a bird, but not of our origin, "Laserbeak, shit he hasn't found base has he?" i said. Stupid confused mind why weren't you concentrating?
He then started firing upon as he caused us both to swerve, forcing us to transform to defend ourselves, "you picked the wrong day to mess with me con." Smokescreen said.
"Ditto." I said, following his movements. Before Smokescreen suddenly flew across the off-road, "Smoke...?" i said barely able to turn around before i found myself being blown across the road also as i rolled back and at one point hit my neck hard...o-ow. My optics started making a weird sparking sound and my vision became that of a terrible signal on your TV. i looked up as a purple figure hung over me pointing a weapon of some kind my vision darkened but the figure turned his head slightly as i...
A/N 03/11/12 just in case SPOILERS! dudes! season 2's finale was intense, but to be fair the ending did make me feel slightly disturbed, i mean a lifeless limb O_o i need an adult! but seriously, who thinks he's actually 'deceased' and who thinks he's alive, if yes to either i'd like to hear your own theories of why he is :)
and yes if he is *shudders* deceased, the story will continue.
and kudos to those who messaged me asking if i had seen the episode ;D it was touching :3
one more thing...i recently don't like spring, if you know what i mean -_-#
not that anyone would care about my personal life but i'll say it anyway lol HOLY CRAP my wisdom teeth are coming through...lol yeah exciting but the thing is i had no idea that is was that. i thought my tooth was rotting i crapped my pants...it is weird though a weird tiny tooth thing descending from your gums gross -_- so it is official i have passed through the right of passage...i am...A MAN! ... yes I'm a girl but it doesn't sound as epic when you say it like that :P