The Space Between Stars

by VinVenture12

Kylo Ren has been humiliated by the scavenger and is now hunting her for retribution. He delves deeper into the depths of darkness along his journey, while Rey soars closer to the light. Strangers on opposite sides of a war, but bound together through their destinies. Both will do whatever it takes to survive, but who will come out victorious? Slow Reylo. Post TFA, Later M rating

25. Chapter 25

I deeply appreciate all the faves, follows, and reviews! You all give me life! lol I love, love, love hearing from you all! Guest 2: The reunion was short, but given what was happening, they didn't have a lot of time to talk. I'm glad you liked the scenes though! And I know, that cliffhanger was worse! But take a deep breath cause you get some resolution in this chapter. And you will be happy to know there is no huge cliffhanger at the end of this chapter. NightElfCrawler: Breath... Just, breath... And enjoy the chapter! lol MaelsiC: Girl, you are totally fine! I don't expect someone to review every chapter, so don't feel sorry for not doing so. And I am perfectly okay if you don't leave a joke on every review. No pressure! So far in the story, we have see Ren accept what he did to his father, put himself out there to make friends, and accept that he can love. While he died, I wanted him to relate to his victims and come to realize what he has done to so many innocent people. So I am very happy you noticed what I did there! And he is sooooo stubborn! That aspect never really changes. lol. ilovekyloren: Thanks so much! Everyone kinda ended in a bad place last chapter, but you'll get to see where they end up in this one. We have a lot of pov's in this chapter. I can't tell you how many times I have been late to something cause all I want to do is read. I can so relate! Hope I wrote this chapter fast enough for you! KatMichBow: I didn't want his death to be quick, but for his mind to rapidly be going through his regrets and memories. He didn't want to die, but even with all the power he possesses, he cannot escape mortality. It was painful and wonderful to write, too. I am really attached to this character as well, which I didn't plan on happening. I meant for Rey to be the main focus of the story but then Ren kept demanding more development and I couldn't say no. lol. I am so glad you like him though. Natalie-S-246: Ahhhhhhhhh! Well now you can calm down with this chapter and have your questions answered! Hope you weren't flipping out for too long. ;) Guest: Death cliffhangers tend to be the worst. I like killing you guys with the feels. Muahahahaha... Thanks! Kimmycocopop: I hope you end up loving me and not hating me (laughs nervously). When my muse demands for something to be written a certain way, I must comply! This chapter did have a lot of themes ringing throughout, and I didn't realize that till you brought it up. thiskiddusty: OMG thanks so much for reading it multiple times! What a compliment! I'm ecstatic you love it and I hope you love what's to come!

Okay, now onto the chapter! I did end up writing it quick, so apologies for any errors! Hope you like it ;)

Chapter Twenty-five

Rey bolted for the Falcon, the windburn resonating on her face, her hair at the mercy of the storm. The strong gusts were making it hard to breathe, like somehow the air pressure had dropped and was now sucking the vital supply of oxygen from her lungs. Glancing to her left, she noticed Ben was no longer by her side. She ground to a halt. Whipping around and brushing the strands of hair that snaked around her eyes, she saw Ben, not moving or even attempting to make it closer to the freighter.

He seemed entranced, his eyes glazed over. He couldn't look away from the Falcon… from his father's ship.

There was guilt in his gaze and Rey knew he was afraid to board the ship that held so many memories of Han. "Ben!" she yelled over the violent weather. "Come on!"

His attention fully bolted onto her and her whole body trembled, not from the cold, but from how his face melted into the expression you get right before saying goodbye: he was heart broken. "I'll find my own way off the planet. I'm not going to the base!"

Putting her pent up anger into clutching her saber hilt till her fingers cracked, Rey hurriedly walked up to him, needing to snap him out of the past and into the calamitous situation of the present. "You're getting on that ship with your own two feet, or I'll drag you on there myself!"

Why was he doing this? Did he not want to be with her? Rey couldn't watch him leave again; she didn't want to sleep alone anymore, nor wake up to find him not next to her.

His time of self-discovery was over because dammit, she said so, and he was getting on the Falcon either through the use of the Force or being talked into it. Actually, there was no time for talking, so maybe she should just go straight to the Force part.

Strongly, he shook his head, his black hair sticking up against the turbulent storm. "There's nothing for me there!"

Rey blanched. How could he say that? "I'm there!"

Isn't that enough?

"You know they'll kill me for everything I've done. And then where would that leave you?"

"Don't try to use me as an excuse! We can figure out a way to keep you alive. You're just afraid of facing up to everything you've done, but sooner or later, you're gonna have to! So you might as well do it with me around so I can help you get through the guilt. Let me help you!"

Loud bangs came from the door behind Ben, making Rey become desperate as her heart hammered and her throat tightened. She was sure her nose was running, but there was no time to think about how unattractive she appeared.

"We don't have time for this. Just get on the ship and we'll figure everything out later!"

"I always tell myself I'll figure it out later, but this time, I already know what I want to do. I can meet up with you later on." As the air left his lungs and his mouth formed the words, Rey could feel the underlying truth of the statement tear at her gut.

Grabbing at his black shirt and getting on her toes, she shook his broad and formidable body. He barely moved and she was reminded just how much bigger he was than her. "There won't be a later on! Can't you feel it? If you don't get on that ship, we'll never see each other again!"

Ben didn't answer or even try to argue. Rey's jaw dropped, realizing that he did know they would never see each other, and she was floored that he was still not moving. He was choosing to leave her forever, but he was gravely mistaken if he thought she would let that happen. "You can't do this to me again." Her tear ducts stung as they formed the evidence of her loneliness, but the wind quickly whisked them away. "So if you aren't getting on that ship, then neither am I!"

"Rey–"

The rush of air almost popped her eardrums and her stomach hurled as she went flying through the air. Hands roughly caught her as she gasped from the sudden impact, knowing that her arms and back were going to be covered in black and blue welts. Her head whipped back, hitting someone square in the chest and making them grunt. The scene finally became clear as Rey noticed everyone scrambling from her sudden appearance on the ramp, but Rey looked past them to see Ben fighting the same knight she had dueled on Spira.

Then the rooftop door slid open and everything plummeted from bad, all the way down into the depths of an inferno.

Blaster fire came their way as Rey made an attempt to jump off the slope and join Ben in his fight. She got nowhere as Poe dragged her determined rear up the ramp, all the while slightly aware that Luke was doing the same to Leia.

"No! I have to help him!" Rey screamed, throat burning.

"You go out there against thirty men and you'll get yourself killed!" Poe countered. The ramp closed, but she was still trying to claw her way out of the taut arms constricted around her chest. She kicked against the freighters wall, sending them sharply to the ground, her straining body pushing all the air from his lungs as she fell on top of him.

Regaining her footing, she made a dash to the ramp controls and–

Groaning made her glance back to see Finn clutching his bleeding leg on the floor. Nearby, Leia and Luke yelled at each other as he tried to get his twin into the lounge area, making them oblivious to a member of the group being injured.

Rey froze, not knowing if she should get the ramp open or help Finn. Everything was moving way too fast for her to come to a proper decision.

Crap, that's a lot of blood, she thought as she watched Finn put pressure on the wound.

Her feet guided her to Finn, and she pulled him up onto his good leg. Poe came on the other side and they dragged Finn into the confines of the common area. Dr. Kalonia rushed over immediately, working fast to stop the bleeding.

The ship burped and shuddered from the onslaught of fire, and Chewie yelled that he needed someone on the dorsal cannon. Poe and Rey locked eyes. "Go be Chewie's co-pilot. I'll man the dorsal cannon," Rey ordered quickly.

She ripped off her coat, tossing it to the floor as she sprinted to the lower turret, welcoming the cool air on her heated skin. Falling into the chair, she initiated the sensory board and immediately started firing at the rooftop. Her arms strained against the controls, the concrete grip unnecessary since it wouldn't help her fire any faster, but she had to put her stress somewhere that wasn't her spiraling mind.

Ren was fighting the knight below, and Rey's stomach clenched as she immediately realized he was losing steam.

Fast.

Chewie soared away from the warehouse, twisting in the air and making a dive back to the ground. Rey lost sight of Ben for a few moments, but he was still standing when he came back into view. He was trying to balance blocking blaster shots from the roof while dueling the knight at the same time, and it was obvious to anyone with two eyeballs that he was struggling. His forms were getting sloppy and his arms were lowering his lightsaber repeatedly, giving his opponent more of an opening. Rey aimed and rained down fire upon the roof, destabilizing the old building and causing half of it to crumble in a pile of dust and sparks.

The Falcon soared back into the air, and again, Rey had to wait to see Ben. She grabbed the headset and ordered Chewie to land as close as he could to the fight. The Wookie didn't argue, which was good since Rey was suddenly bombarded with a lot of pain. Sweat covered her skin as she bit down hard on her lip, stifling a scream that would be harrowing to hear. Everything hurt: her back, joints, head, and organs felt like they were being put through a grinder, and even that was not enough of a comparison.

Gasping and raking her fingers over her agonizing body, she comprehended that the pain was not her own: it was Ben's. He couldn't keep fighting like this, not if he wanted to live through the next few minutes.

As Chewie flew them back around, she stayed behind the cannon's controls just in case more fire power was needed. Her pupils locked onto Ben and the knight, their distant form's wrestling for control on the cold, rocky ground. The knight stabbed Ben's blade downward and Rey watched in horror as Ben suddenly stopped the saber with his palm.

The fact that he was doing something so miraculous was overshadowed by the intense burning in Rey's right hand. Their connection was thinning, transferring the remainder of his pain to her.

The bond….

She opened herself to him, yanking on the otherworldly chord that bound them together. He roughly extracted her strength and she gladly parted with it. She tried giving more, but he only took enough to push the saber from the knight's grasp. The Falcon was seconds from landing as the scene slowed to a ghastly crawl that made it impossible to tear her corneas away from.

Ben wobbled upon standing and the knight slashed at his upper arm.

At that very moment Ben lurched the wrong way, leaving his upper body completely exposed. The black blade plunged directly into his chest, sticking out through his back and making him go to his knees. It was a hideous revelation; a realization that what Rey had been sensing earlier had come to fruition, arriving in the form of finality.

Rey's heart exploded, fragmenting in a fury of fire within her chest, the pressure making it hard to breathe, but not impossible.

Her scream was raw and untamed, letting her wrath filled power lock onto the knight and rip him violently away from the man that was her other half. Ben fell back like a stone, not even putting his arms out to slow his fall. He was dead weight, barely alive, struggling for oxygen.

The following sequence played out in a series of minutes that lasted a millennium: the Falcon landing, Rey running over the uneven terrain, his name escaping her lips, her tripping over loose rocks as fear overwhelmed her. The blaze in her chest was now gone, relaying to her that Ben was going numb.

Rey crumbled to the dirt, the small pebbles slicing into her knees, not that she really noticed. All she knew was the gruesome image lying before her: Blood everywhere, oozing out of Ben's chest, his face splattered red, the liquid dripping from his mouth. Rey's heart was screaming in agony, but her ears quickly told her that the shrieking was coming from her lungs.

Death was coming; she could sense its shadow. But the ethereal enemy wasn't coming for her… it's goal was Ben.

Hands shaking, she put pressure on the chest wound, feeling the blood pulse between her fingers. Without even knowing what she was doing, she could perfectly see the damage that was inside. While the medical nomenclature was a massive hemothorax with lacerations to the aorta, right pulmonary veins and superior vena cava, one thought cleared all that up immediately:

Ben was going to die.

Rey didn't have time to bask at the amazement of somehow using Ben's knowledge to know the extent of his injuries. Reality overwhelmed her.

Poe suddenly appeared, hoisting Ben onto his shoulders and running full throttle back to the Falcon. Rey followed, noticing that Leia was at Poe's side, grasping onto Ben's limp and swaying hand. They barreled into the main hold, Luke helping to place Ben carefully on the floor.

Rey's mind was immensely pressurized, the connection between her and Ben preparing to snap.

"Chewie!" Luke yelled towards the cockpit. "Get us out of here!"

Dr. Kalonia cut open Ben's shirt, revealing a narrow scorched wound on his sternum and blood staining his revealed pale skin. The injury appeared to be small, but stars, Rey felt like it should be the size of a grave. Rey stood off to the side, looking down at the unfolding scene.

Leia knelt by Ben's head, shedding quiet tears and looking at Ben's body in horror. Dr. Kalonia froze up, scrutinizing the injury with the knowledge and expertise no one else in the room possessed. She fumbled through her med bag, putting small, circular patches on Ben's chest. A holo-image appeared above him, showing and playing the erratic beats of his heart.

Harter glanced over the image, then to the wound, until finally settling her sights on Leia. "Why have you stopped?" Leia borderline yelled at the women. "Do something!"

Dr. Kalonia shook her head slowly, opening and closing her mouth while fumbling for the right words. "Leia, he needs open heart surgery, and I don't have that kind of medical equipment with me. It's–"

The monotone note of the hologram froze the whole room, everyone's head snapping to the image. But Rey couldn't see anymore. Technically, she could, but her brain couldn't register the picture below.

The connection between her and Ben finally broke, the ramifications piercing her mind and constricting her lungs. She fell to her knees, vaguely aware of the yelling and the chaos that suddenly claimed the room. Harter was attempting to shock Ben's heart back to life, but Rey knew… she knew it was over.

After a few attempts the doctor realized the fight was futile, so she backed off, trying to comfort Leia, but the bereaved mother grabbed her son's face and cried into his bloodied hair.

Rey stared, not fully understanding the sudden dread that startled her. This wretched happenstance had finally come in the form of Ben dying, of him leaving her permanently. The breakdown in the structure of her reality was now manifesting. For as Ben was now dead, so did she suffer a thousandfold.

There was emptiness at the pit of her stomach, one that could never be filled no matter how much sustenance she packed into it. It was a loss that could not be found, a cold that could not be cured, and a thirst that could not be quenched. A chunk of her mind seemed to be missing, leaving her confused, like she had just walked into a room and forgot why she was there. No matter how hard she thought, she would never be able to remember.

Then, with the ounce of awareness left within her, she realized that this was the insanity Ben had spoken of. It didn't hit her mind with powerful force, but with a subtle sleight of hand, a slow burn that was not immediately harrowing. The desolation, while it didn't seem too punishing at the moment, would drive her mad if it never went away.

I can't live like this. I can't do this.

Rey's sorrow was pervasive, as concentrated as a black hole, and as immeasurable as a new days skyline.

Luke tried to console Leia, but her wailing did not falter. Poe leaned against the lounge table, staring distantly at Ben's corpse, blood all over his right shoulder and torso. Finn settled off to the side, head down and eyes closed.

On her hands and knees, Rey crawled to Ben's ashened body, gluing her eyes to the sickly wound that killed him. Cautiously, Rey covered the injured flesh with her own bloody hands, her eyes welling with tears when she didn't feel Ben's heart beat. She was powerless against fate and the consequences of free will, not knowing how to bend the domain to her demands.

And yet….

She had to try. If she didn't, the regret would rot her insides faster than the cold hollowness of grief. Time was way too finite and Ben's death was the means in which Rey comprehended that fact. She'd only been able to spend a handful of days with him and as the end came, it turned out not to be enough. She could have been given eternity with him and she still would've greedily wanted more.

Closing her eyes, power shot through her hands, sending a shockwave of invisible electricity that caused everyone's hairs to stand on end. The lights in the main hold flickered and were unable to stabilize, because she dared not stop the transfer of Force.

"Rey," she heard Luke's worried voice. "It won't work. He's gone." His hands went to tear hers away, but she territorially swatted his attempt aside. "You need to stop," he said more resolutely. "Doing this could very well kill you." When she felt his touch again, she couldn't prevent her denial from flinging the Jedi Master across the room. Her eyelids remained shut, but she could sense the shock on everyone's faces.

They don't understand, she told herself. Destiny owes me this. I went through hell living alone on Jakku. I deserve to get what I want for once! She didn't want to be forever in pain, walking through the galaxy as a dead woman because of a fate she couldn't control. So, she would have to manipulate events to her liking.

"Rey!" Kayani shouted through her thoughts. "You're draining yourself of too much power! You cannot change fate; it is always absolute."

"You said you needed Ben to get to Snoke. If you don't have him, your plans are over."

Alarms started to go off, conveying that the freighter was in serious trouble of combusting.

"We can find another way, but if you die, all is lost! You don't have enough power to bring him back!"

"Then I'll just take the power from you." Rey clawed at the entity that damned her to this path and ripped at the formidable walls guarding Kayani's power, plummeting inside the well of potent fire. Rey breathed in the blaze, fueling her strength, and exhaling it into Ben's chest. Her command was simple, but dominant: heal the wound to his sternum and make his heart start beating.

"No!" Kayani howled. "You're taking too much! My brother will see! He'll know we are connected!"

"I. Don't. Care." Rey enunciated the words with deliberation and hostility.

Luke was yelling at her to stop, which was more like background noise at this point. "This will kill you!"

"Kill her? If she keeps going, we're all dead!" Poe stated, voice anxious. "She's ripping the Falcon apart while in hyperspace!"

A sense of urgency grew inside Rey, as if time was telling her the longer Ben remained dead, the harder it would be to bring him back. Her panic was the only verve between them, her heart the only one that beat, her lungs the only pair that breathed.

Her power traveled in between and among his molecules, her desperation energizing them, electrifying them with the life she was so willing to give up. As energy began to leave her and diffuse into Ben, Rey started to breath hard, her chest pumping, her mouth falling open, her tongue dry from the exertion.

She was so close, she could feel the revitalization on her fingertips, sense the impossibility of resurrection in her soul. Their connective chord was winding back together, both sides reaching out to meld the lively fibers into one, strong cable of solidarity.

Almost…. The tendrils stretched and –

Rey jerked back, soft arms catching her fall as she collapsed candidly into an embrace. She wheezed and her muscles shook as if disapproving over their sudden loss of strength. The alarms snapped off and the lights steadied, relaying to the passengers that the ship was presently safe.

Forcing her eyes open, Rey glanced at Ben, her gut twisting in anticipation at what she would see. The holo-image spiked and the circular patches beeped as his heart started beating, auditory evidence that Ben was indeed among the living again. Ben's color changed progressively fast, all that was matte and dull and that terrible hue of death was now showing a hint of pink on his naturally pale skin. His chest was completely mended, his skin appearing smooth beneath all the blood.

Rey didn't have any strength to cry out, to shout or rejoice over accomplishing the impossible. Inside she was soaring with elation, skipping with the joy of reviving Ben. But she quickly lost elevation as she realized Ben's chest injury was not the only wound he had sustained.

No one moved… or breathed… or blinked. The shock was rampant and Rey was about to whip everyone back to the present when Dr. Kalonia finally got her wits together. She superficially assessed the rest of the damage, keeping her eyes on the new patient as she flung out orders. "Poe," Harter spoke evenly, making the pilot snap his distant attention to her. "You have medical training, right?"

"Uhhhhh, just the few courses we were required to take in flight school," his shaky voice answered.

Harter started taking Ben's boots off. "It's better than nothing and I need more hands." Poe strode over and kneeled next to the doctor, helping her to strip Ben of clothing.

"I can help," Leia offered through a hiccup of sobs, caressing Ben's hair like it would somehow comfort him. Luke grasped his sister's shoulders, looking stunned.

Harter shook her head as her hands worked quickly. "Family and friends shouldn't be involved in a situation like this." At that, Poe froze for a fraction of a second, his mouth opening like he was going to say something. Instead, he brushed it off and resumed sliding the jacket off of Ben's shoulders.

While Finn held Rey in his arms, Rey's head remained turned toward Ben, waiting for him to open his eyes. He didn't. He still had many wounds to be treated, and Dr. Kalonia and Poe were working fast to stop the bleeding. Rey watched as tears streamed across her temples, sliding into her ears and hair. She was looking for signs that the life force she had given Ben wouldn't hold, that the harrowing gray would return and signal deaths renewed clasp.

It never did.

Events blurred as wounds were cleaned, sutured, and bacta patched. Needles pricked Ben's skin, connecting him to a clear liquid Rey wasn't familiar with. Luke helped the process go quicker by healing Ben's head injury and the one on his calf, but then backed off to let medical treatments take over.

"What are his chances of making it back to the base?" Leia asked, her voice cracking. For the first time, Rey noticed just how horrible the woman appeared, but Rey selfishly wanted Dr. Kalonia to keep all the attention on Ben.

"He's lost a lot of blood and his blood pressure is extremely low. I won't know if he sustained any brain damage until he either wakes up or we get him to a med bay so I can get some scans going."

"But will he make it?"

"I don't know," Harter breathed, letting her exhaustion roll off her shoulders. "But he appears to be stable... for now." Suddenly, the doctor was peering at Rey in wonder and confusion. "You saved him."

Yes, she saved Ben, but damned herself in the process. Snoke knew about her; she could feel it. Rey had been a beacon among the dark as she took Kayani's power, leading that vile creature to the truth of whom she was harboring.

The hunt had now become personal.

Rey cowered from all the eyes that bore into her and when she looked up, she saw Finn staring down. His expression was impassive and she was too weak to sense his underlying emotions. "I'm sorry," she whispered, not knowing exactly what she was apologizing for. Saving Ben when Finn wanted the man dead? Lying to him the last two weeks? Taking advantage of his friendship? The list went on and on and on….

Rey choked out a cry from the weight of everything crashing down upon her, stretching her emotions thin. "I couldn't let him die, Finn." Stars, her voice sounded noticeably pathetic. "He promised me," she dejectedly said as she burrowed her face into his chest, hiding herself from the universe. Finn firmly held onto her, bringing her closer, comforting. "He promised…" Rey's lids closed and with exhaustion melting into her bones, she couldn't fight the sleep that claimed her, tossing her among the turbulent dreams of loss and longing.

()()()()()

The first thing Rey noticed was how warm her body was, so much so that she was sweating from being in her own personal sauna. She was wrapped in a cocoon of soft blankets, and her exhausted body was sinking into a soft and welcoming mattress. Inhaling, the air smelled different than the scent of the Falcon she'd come to know. The air here was thin, cool, and chemical.

Lifting her eyelids, Rey was greeted by a white wall inches away from her nose. Rustling the covers, she rolled around and saw Poe sitting on the bed opposite her. His spine was against the wall, his legs bent to his chest, and his arms resting casually on his knees. With his eyes closed, she would've thought he fell asleep in the uncomfortable position. But by the way he sighed, she knew he was awake.

"Where's Ben?" she inquired, sitting up and swinging her legs over the edge.

Poe opened his eyes, taking a moment before answering. "He's in the medical facility. And before you dart out of the room, they'll let us know when we can see him."

Poe said we... as in both of them. Was he eager to see Ben as well?

"They?"

"General Organa and Skywalker. They've taken responsibility for him while he's here."

"Is he awake?" As the words streamed out of her mouth, Rey knew he wasn't. Their connection was more entrenched into her being and while she felt his life beat within her heart, his mind was detached from her own.

"Last I heard, they were purposely keeping him drugged so he stayed asleep. But that was hours ago. Maybe he's awake by now. I know the general was eager to speak with him."

"He's still unconscious," Rey muttered.

"That bond of yours still workin'?"

Rey nodded. "I don't know how to explain it, but it's a lot stronger now."

"Probably because you used the Force to bring him back to life."

She shrugged, finally noticing the rations at the end of her bed. "Probably…."

Poe followed her line of sight. "I grabbed those for you. Thought you might be hungry."

Rey was starving. She lunged for the wrappings and tore them open, sinking her teeth in the flavorless bar. Guess Poe was gonna have to watch her guzzle the calories down, because she was not going to stop to find her manners.

After the third packet, she asked, "Where are we? This doesn't look like the base."

"It's a Resistance Cruiser. General Organa gave the order to move bases, since the location had been compromised." Poe stood, crossed the room, and grabbed a canteen of water off the corner table. He handed it to her before going back to his previous position.

She gulped down the cold, silky liquid and wiped the excess from her chin. "How long have I been asleep?"

Poe shrugged. "A day. Maybe longer." Something was off with him. Rey couldn't pinpoint exactly what it was. His usual boisterous voice was flat, the light in his eyes now dull. If she didn't know any better, she would think he was miserable.

Rey slowed her chewing. "Where's Finn?"

Poe averted his eyes elsewhere. "On the ship somewhere – maybe on the base below. I don't know…."

"Have you talked to him?"

"Somewhat," he murmured. Rey scrunched her eyes, noticing that the left side of his face seemed to be more swollen than the right. Was his skin turning a shade of purple?

"Poe. How did you get that bruise on your cheek?"

He craned his head back, glancing up at the ceiling. "Guess."

Rey froze, realization clicking into place. "I'm gonna go find him," she grumbled as she searched for her boots, finding them by the door.

"He doesn't want to see you." Rey paused, seeing the desolation in Poe's demeanor. He shook his head as if he could make his thoughts disappear. "You know, as I watched Ren die, I actually felt... sad." His stare moved gradually before locking onto hers, pinning her in place. "You would think I kind of cared about the bastard, right? He almost killed Finn... and I had to watch him struggle to walk and sleep through the night because of it. And there I was, sad that Ren had died, sad that I wouldn't be able to thank him for saving BB-8." Poe's self-hatred melded deeper into his face. "I can't imagine how betrayed Finn is feeling right now. Fuck, I'm a horrible friend, aren't I?"

"If you are, then I am, too," Rey muttered, picking at the hem of her shirt.

Honestly, Rey knew just what kind of friend she was – she'd known that fact for a while and had even come to accept it as a huge flaw in her character. But Poe… it appeared he was just now realizing what kind of person he was, and he was deducing that he was a bad one.

Which wasn't true, but it didn't seem like the man wanted to be comforted. And Rey wasn't particularly skilled at the one-on-one stuff.

She resumed with making herself look presentable to outside eyes while Poe kept staring passed the ship, staring at a part of himself he did not like.

"I told you," Poe cut through the melancholy silence. "Finn doesn't want to see you."

Arming herself with her usual weapons, she exhaled an expedient sigh. "Well, I'll go looking for Master Skywalker or General Organa then." The exit opened, revealing the reflective walls of the hallways. Rey paused, turned, and addressed Poe. "Are you coming?"

He frowned and looked at her. "Why?"

"Because even though you hate admitting it to yourself, you do want to see how Ben is doing. So stop denying it and come with me."

"They said they'd tell us when we could see him," Poe pointed out.

Rey raised a brow. "You always follow orders?"

()()()()()

In a manner of speaking, the word "in" was not a highly important or profound term. Its definitions, according to the Basic language, were the following:

Used to indicate location or position within something, or used to indicate that someone or something belongs to or is included as part of something.

It was used offhandedly in a sentence, the speaker not putting any thought into the preposition. No one really knew the etymology of the word. Basic was such an old language, that "in" never had its origins recorded – most likely because the word was so unimportant, nobody cared.

But to Finn, that word meant everything.

Outside, under the canopy of thick vines and tall trees, he sat on the warm ground, taking in the vitality of the jungle. The humidity was unrelenting and he wished they could have chosen a drier part of Raxus as a base, but his mind was too preoccupied to really care. The events over the last day cycled through his thoughts, plaguing him with a truth that was so cruel, it had to be real.

Rey was in love with Kylo Ren.

In. Love.

Using the word "in" before the term "love" amplified its emotional impact, and made Finn want to vomit his breakfast onto the moist ground beneath him. If he hadn't witnessed those two interact with one another, he wouldn't have believed such a thing was possible. But it was. The way Rey gazed at him, how territorial she became when Ren was unconscious, the way they fittingly moved together….

It was like those two had known each other their whole lives.

And Kylo Ren... That piece of human filth obviously worshiped the ground she walked on, absorbing Rey's beauty like she was an oasis to his harsh, desert existence. That guy was so outwardly smitten that Finn had been tempted to grab Rey and hide her from that monster's seducing snare.

What the hell happened on Spira?

"It's difficult to explain," Poe had told him after they transferred Ren and Rey to the Resistance cruiser. If I had a credit for every time someone made me feel less than capable of understanding a situation, I'd be richer than the Intergalactic Banking Clan.

The conversation with his 'friend' had quickly escalated from sour to confrontational after Poe started to defend the miraculously resurrected man in the med bay. Finn brought his shaky fist into view, studying the swollen knuckles of his right hand. His dark skin hid the evidence of his violent outburst, but he knew his body and felt the simmering pain every time he flexed his fingers. Guilt started to –

No. Poe deserved it. He knew what Kylo had done to me and had the audacity to defend him. If anything, Poe deserved worse than a right hook to the face.

Finn had never felt the sting of betrayal so strongly before and it unnerved him how vengeful his thoughts became. He wanted to hit Poe till he bled, scream at Rey till she cried, and kill Kylo for making him part machine.

He had endured, been broken by the First Order, and understood hardship. But now, sitting here alone and friendless, Finn had somehow lost himself, lost the life he thought he had. Everything had been a lie, those closest betraying him and siding with the most heathenistic man in the galaxy. Kylo Ren was a ruthless monster and somehow, he had stolen the two closest people in his life.

Poe had brought him into this world and in a sense, was his savior. Without him, Finn would never have left the First Order. He would be a mindless drone among a sea of white armor, two letters and four numbers the only feature defining him from his fellow soldiers. While Poe had been his first friend, Rey had been the one to bring out the man he was now.

Sometimes, the person you'd take a bolt for was the one behind the blaster.

The horrible part to all this? Finn was desperate to know how Rey was doing. While holding her weak body aboard the Falcon, he'd been conflicted over whether to comfort her or drop her body to the floor, leaving her alone to fend for herself. But the two weeks spent together had overridden his punishing thoughts, and Finn held her through the duration of the flight to Carlac. He even cleaned the blood from her hands and transferred her to the Resistance Cruiser before Poe had tried talking with him.

What is she doing right now? Is she with him? Talking with him, laughing with him?

Their interactions won't be lasting long, however. Word on the base was that Kylo Ren was to be executed, as quickly and swiftly as possible. Finn was not sure how to feel over the news. He wanted the man dead, but knew it was going to hurt Rey.

Finn closed his eyes, breathing in the thick air. Even though the ESC was waiting for him, he didn't want to go back to the base. Everyone was talking about Kylo Ren being General Organa's son, and they were all conflicted if they should paint the general as a liar or not. The only saving grace was that at least the council had known, so they all didn't feel completely betrayed.

Finally getting his faculties together, Finn journeyed back to the expansive building, his leg mostly healed from the bacta treatments. No doubt Breaala was going to hound him with questions when he got back, none of which he'd answer.

()()()()()

"Leia, I think you should wait a little longer before waking him. He's still healing and–"

"I don't think a conversation is going to injure him further," her sharp voice cut her brother off.

Leia sat next to Ben's bed, holding his huge hand and being careful not to disturb the IV under his skin. Her son had been restrained with Force suppressing restraints, one on each wrist and ankle. They were attached to the new railings that lined the bed, but Leia had an inkling that even specially designed cuffs wouldn't hold her son for long.

"You mistake the power of words. And what makes you think he'll even talk to you?"

Stars, her twin was really annoying her with all the repeated questions.

"I'm his mother," Leia stated factually, as if Luke somehow forgot that detail.

"Exactly. He might've saved your life, but he made it clear he wanted nothing to do with you." The words tore at her, but she made no show of it. She thought back to that utility room on Lothal, how her son glared at her with contempt.

"I just – I need to talk to him," she murmured, brushing a strand of raven hair from his face. It was a blessing to have him asleep, for he could not refuse her touch. It was cheating in a way, but her son was so full of hate and pride that he would never allow her to touch him so affectionately under normal circumstances.

Luke exhaled, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Leia, he isn't the person you remember."

"Do you think I don't know that?"

"You seem to be in need of a reminder. He murdered Han –"

"I know what he's done!" she snapped at Luke while remaining at Ben's side. "Do you really think I would live in denial? My son is a monster, because I let him become one. I know you place some of the blame on Han and me for being horrible parents, and I'm not going to fight you on that. Not a day goes by that I don't regret pushing Ben away. He has killed so many people; he killed…" her voice teetered off, unable to say Han's name out loud.

Snoke. It was Snoke who did all this.

The quiet stretched before she found her voice again. "I am going to speak with him, even if the conversation turns ugly."

"It more than likely will and the last thing either of you need is to yell at one another… like you always did."

Leia rolled her eyes. "It might seem odd to you that some people communicate that way, but that's how we end up talking to each other."

"You say that like it's normal. It's not, Leia. And you know Ben never responded well to the yelling."

Leia bit her lip. "I know…. He was always more sensitive than Han and I."

The door slid open as one of the nurses entered. "Excuse me, general? Rey and Commander Dameron are asking to come inside."

Leia straightened upon hearing Rey's name. "You can bring them in."

Poe was still the handsome, young man Leia remembered, but Leia was more focused on the young woman by his side. She was beautiful, with an innocence that made her features glow and her eyes soft. But she carried herself with strength and power, her lithe body ready to pounce on anything that stood in her way. It was obvious why her son cared for such a woman, which panged Leia with jealousy. She tampered it down, focusing on how grateful she was that Rey had put her life on the line to save her son.

"How is he?" Rey quietly asked, as if raising her voice would wake him.

"He's gone through two rounds in the bacta tank, and he'll be left with scars. But he's alive." Leia answered before going over to the young woman and embracing her, spilling her gratitude into how tightly she held onto the girl's slender frame. Drawing back, Leia's eyes became passionate and she was impressed that Rey didn't look away. "Thank you for saving him. You're an incredible young woman to look past everything he's done."

Rey smiled and reddened, not knowing how to take the compliment. Leia gave the girl her space by going back to the chair and taking her son's hand.

"How long is he going to be kept like this?" Rey asked as they all turned their attention to Ben. Even though he was asleep, there was a tension in the air that no one relaxed into. They were all staring at the man cuffed to the bed, expecting him to rise up and turn into a tornado of violence. It was if he were a bomb with an unidentifiable detonator and an unknown timetable ticking behind those eyelids.

"Harter is on her way to wake him. Leia and I are going to talk to him first," Luke explained, keeping distance from the bed, but making it clear what he wanted to do.

Leia twisted her torso around, hardening her eyes at her brother. "I want to talk to him alone."

Luke shook his head. "I'm not leaving you in here with him."

"Yes, you are," Leia commanded before sweeping her stare to the other souls in the room. They were obviously uncomfortable with witnessing a bout between brother and sister, but Leia didn't have the strength to care. "You all can wait outside and watch on the monitors if you want."

"Leia…."

"Luke."

Leia wasn't going to relent, and Luke knew it. He pointed at her as he said, "I'm coming in here if things go bad."

Leia agreed to the terms since it wasn't a bad condition to put in place. She barely knew the man lying before her, but she had to talk with him to see how much of Ben was left.

Luke, Rey, and Poe left as Harter entered the room, removing the IV from Ben's hand and looking over his vitals one last time. Once alone, Leia sat and waited, the anticipation of seeing her son's eyes making her heart pound with uncertainty.

()()()()()

It was as if a soft wind blew over the land of Ren's mind, brushing the grass of his thoughts till they swayed against the light of awareness. The gusts grew heady, rustling the landscape of long ago memories while bypassing more current recollections. Still, the storm was penetrating, making him aware of the many aches triggering all over his body. And yet there were great patches of numbness, mostly in his emotions, but some extended to certain parts of his flesh. Gradually, he could feel the measures of agony, the tingling in his muscles, the sting of his jerks and twitches. The swaths of his skin were having a difficult time discerning between the pain and the pleasure he received from the dull torture.

From this conflict, he was reminded of everything that had happened on Lothal.

Did he regain consciousness before dying? Ren realized his fingers were stroking something soft and fluffy, which was not how the ground below his broken body had felt. Brusquely, he attempted to move his hands to his chest, but was thwarted by something hard around his wrists.

Damn, he was extremely groggy, his eyelids lifting against the weight of what felt like the entire universe.

Groaning, his eyes finally took in the white walls and glaring light overhead. Blinking quickly to help his pupils adjust to the brightness, he glanced down at his arms, seeing the soft blue glow of the cuffs casting the hue onto his skin. Further below, the same types of restraints were on his ankles, attaching to the side railing of the ivory bed. Eyes roaming around, he realized he was in a medical facility, which did not narrow down his current location in the slightest.

He tugged against the railing that shouldn't be around the bed's perimeter. The welding evidence was blatant, and Ren knew they had installed the rods just for him.

How thoughtful, but a waste of time.

The restraints were Force suppressant cuffs and he had figured out how to get free of them years ago. Escaping from four of them at once was going to be a challenge, but he was up for it. He really needed to peer under his white tunic and scrutinize his chest, because he was having a difficult time believing this was real.

He should be dead. Simple as that.

The sound of shuffling from the side made him glance –

Every molecule in his body froze, his electrons no longer orbiting their respective nuclei, but halting in the cloud. Nothing worked; no electricity flowed through his brain as his operating system halted to a crashing stop, slowly rebooted, and took in the presence he was currently staring at.

Leia walked to the chair at the side of the bed and sat, watching her son intently. His eyes could see her tired and weathered face, but his mind was somewhere else – it was with his father, peering at the man's shocked expression as he drove the saber deeper into his chest.

This can't be real. This isn't happening.

Ren shifted his sight to the ceiling, his heart hammering in his chest, trying to burst free from its cage so he could die and get out of this miserable confrontation.

"Ben," Leia whispered.

Ren was in a fairly comfortable room at a fairly favorable temperature and yet, he felt as though his skin was being burned off his bones. Am I in a vacuum? He was finding it difficult to get oxygen into his lungs.

"How are you feeling?" that woman asked.

I'm feeling like I'd rather gauge my eyes out with a spoon than be here right now, but other than that – actually no, I am not doing great. "You're probably feeling a bit sore," she pointed out.

More like a lot sore. Reflexively, Ren tried to move his hands to his ears so he could muffle her voice, but was of course prevented by the Force restraints.

Leia noticed his aggravation. "You understand why those need to be on you," she stated, no hint of a question in her tone. Worried that I'll go on a murderous rampage? The thought raised the corner of his lips slightly, but then quickly turned into a frown, which was confusing. Interesting how murder didn't have the same ring to it as it used to.

"Are you going to talk to me?"

No.

"The faster we get this conversation over with, the sooner I'll allow Rey to see you."

Well played….

Leia was using Rey against him, knowing that he'd desperately want to see her and pretty much do anything to make it happen. Conniving…. Him and this woman had more in common than he preferred to admit.

The thought made his mind laugh in a nasty crack as he took in the situation. Thanks to Snoke's careful training, mind probes, and missions, he felt like he could survive a lot of torture: mental anguish, bodily pain, humiliation, degradation, thriving in the void of hate and destitution.

Been there, lived through that.

Except listening to Leia's aged voice brought him to a whole new level of torment that he was unfamiliar with.

Grovel. Beg for forgiveness for what you did to your father.

No, he snapped inwardly. Apologizing for murder changed nothing, but that was not the only reason he was choosing not to. If he did, he would lose the hold he had over his emotions; he would crumble and break in front of her, clawing his way into her arms and pleading for a comforting embrace. He didn't deserve such a thing from her, nor did he like to admit that he wanted it desperately.

So the memory he received before he had blacked out would just have to suffice his childish needs for the rest of his life.

Dammit, he needed to see Rey, though. Zoning in on their connection, he found her side to be closed. Ren almost growled in frustration. He just wanted her to let him in completely, but she still wouldn't allow it. Even after everything that had happened.

Pushing and scrutinizing the bond, Ren noticed that it felt… different. Like it was more embedded into him somehow, but what had changed? Why was it stronger? And there was something else there, too. Like… a different energy? Force signature?

What the hell is going on?

Ren cleared his throat, deciding to go along with the pointless game so he could talk to Rey and get answers. "I should be dead," he stated hoarsely.

"You did die, actually. The injury to your chest was too severe for Kalonia to treat."

Harter had been there?

Ren waited for Leia to continue, but she didn't. She wanted him to ask more questions, get him to talk – but that was the point, now wasn't it.

Manipulation has always been one of her talents. "How am I alive?" Death was the conqueror of all that was living, greedy down to the last soul it devoured, refusing to spit its meal back out to the universe. So the fact he was breathing did not make sense.

"Rey healed your chest and brought you back."

Neck popping from the sudden turn, he looked at his poised mother. The answer was given off handedly, like she was reading a destination off a star map or making an observation about the weather.

"That's…" …what's the word, "impossible."

Leia shrugged. "You're alive, so apparently it is very possible."

"It shouldn't have been. Attempts to revive someone with the Force have never worked and usually resulted in the person's death."

"Rey is still very much alive, although she was extremely weak after the whole thing. She slept for a full day. And I... can never repay her for bringing my son back to me."

Ren scoffed. Here we go…"Your son?" He made a show of looking around the quaint medical room. "You have a son? I don't see him anywhere."

Leia's eyes narrowed. "Now is not the time for your sarcasm, Ben."

The restraints clanked as he tensed. "That's not my name."

Leia scooted closer, her upper body resting against the railing. "Yes, it is. I am your mother –"

"No, you're not."

Leia was close enough that the heat from her body easily registered against his arm. Or maybe that was his own blood boiling, cause the sensation was spreading throughout his bloodstream.

Leia's jaw tensed. "I gave birth to you."

Ren's mind ignited, his scarred face distorting with anger. "You want a congratulations? A pat on the back? A medal for achieving something women have been doing for thousands of years? I have half your DNA, but don't think for one second that makes me your son," he venomously spat at her. His limbs strained to get free as his mind concentrated on the cuffs. If he spent one more second tied down, he was going to outwardly rage against this sterile room.

Pop, pop, pop, pop!

The cuffs opened and he flew out of the bed, rebounded off a table, knocked over a chair until finally bouncing into the wall. His joints cracked from the sudden, sloppy movement, but he didn't care how ridiculous he looked. He just needed to get out of that bed, even if his muscles shrieked in protest. It was apparent his body was not at full strength yet, and if the amateur acrobatics weren't enough of a sign, his wobbly legs sure woke him up to that fact.

Ren didn't go for the door, knowing that if he tried to escape, he would be killed – or worse, locked in a room with his mother. Oh wait…

He peered below his shirt, seeing nothing but smooth skin on his chest. So the wound had completely healed.

Yay.

"I know my son is still in there. Just let me help you, Ben," she implored from across the room.

Spinning around, he faced her straight on. "I don't need your help. I'm twenty-nine years old, my need for a mother is well passed."

"You're thirty."

…"Excuse me?"

"You're birthday. It was yesterday." Ren wasn't aware what day it was according to the Galactic Standard Calendar, but Leia wouldn't lie about something like that. The last time Ren had celebrated or even thought about his birthday was when he was eleven, so it didn't come as a shock that he completely forgot about it.

Wait… did he die on his birthday?

Good. That day can be marred for all I care.

Ren swatted his hand through the air, brushing the inconsequential information aside. "Fine. I'm thirty. The point is you've never acted like my mother, so don't start now. It comes across as pathetic."

Leia's temples protruded, her increasing frustration becoming evident. "Dammit, Ben, I am your mother. I fed you, clothed you, put you into the best schools, and bought you everything you needed. I protected you –"

"Protected me?" Ren couldn't believe the words that were coming out of her mouth. "From what exactly? The monsters under my bed? The ones you told me didn't exist? You must feel rather foolish now that you know they actually did."

Leia rubbed her lips together, exhaling in an attempt to center herself. "I did the best I could with what I had. You think it was easy raising someone like you by myself?"

Ren laughed, but it was not of the cheery kind. "And there it is. The admission that you thought I was a monster."

"I never said that."

"The insinuation was pretty fucking clear."

"I never thought you were a monster. I just didn't know how to raise someone with your abilities, with your affinity towards violence."

"Maybe if you told me the truth about my grandfather, I would've understood the darkness within myself," he countered.

Leia nodded solemnly. "I should have told you the truth. I admit that, but you were not an easy child to talk to. You never made anything easy. You never opened up to me, never went out of your way to try and talk to me, you –"

"BECAUSE YOU CHOSE THE SENATE OVER ME EVERY FUCKING TIME!" The scream came out of him hard and severe, making him rattle in his skin, the roar of oblivion overtaking his rationale till all he saw was red. "I'm the child – I am! I shouldn't have to seek out your attention! You should've wanted to spend time with me; you should have wanted to watch me grow up. You should've made dad stay instead of leaving. You never tried to mend that relationship between the two of us. You never –" Before things went completely out of control, Ren snapped his mouth shut, pivoting around to glare at the wall. He stopped mid twist, catching sight of him and his mother in the reflection of a mirror. She was frightened of him, a look he knew all too well. But it was the sight of himself that he zoned in on. His black eyes glowed with an unholy darkness, his upper lip curled back, revealing him to be more savage than man.

Rage built up so fast and so quickly, he wasn't able to control it before it broke free. Rearing his head back, he slammed his forehead into the glass, shattering his reflection onto his bare feet.

Events were foggy from there, since his anger sloshed in his ears and the head wound shook his brain. Leia had screamed in horror, trying to get to him, but was pulled out of the room by a very agile Skywalker.

Left to his own devices, Ren knew exactly where his head and needs were going as his hands tightened into fists. He screamed while he struck the remaining glass to the floor and grunted as the cyclone of destruction devastated the room. The quarters was laid to waste, bloody impressions of his knuckles painting the walls in dots and streaks of red. The burning in his lungs pleaded to let the oxygen stay in the pair long enough to be absorbed, but he didn't relent. He was starving himself of life, physically and emotionally. While suffocating killed the body, mental hypoxia slaughtered the man he used to be.

As he kept going, the blood dripped down his nose and lips, red tears falling from his chin and onto his white tunic. Ren didn't register any pain; no fleeting judgments of his actions came to mind – all that resonated was rage, but not all of it was directed at his mother. That monster in the mirror had revealed itself and Ren hated and loved him, all within the same breath. He hated it for making him into a killer, loved it for letting him feel the power and pleasure that came with subjugation and death.

So many people dead… because of him.

So.

Many.

How do I live with myself? The how seemed like a colossal feat, one not even he had the strength to endure.

Ren's legs finally gave out, parking his rear on the one part of the floor that wasn't littered with broken medical equipment. Every single muscle fiber twitched, making his body shake uncontrollably.

This toxic interplay with Leia had been too much as it drove him to an edge he couldn't back away from. Ren couldn't believe he'd let her manipulate him into speaking. He should've kept his mouth shut, but when she hung Rey in front of him like bait, he all too willingly bit.

Hate was not a sufficient enough word to describe his feelings toward that woman. The wailing he performed did not make him feel any better as his brain remained clogged with emotions he didn't know how to decipher since he never dared to clean out that rank conduit. The internal screams that viced his heart were getting in the way of reason, turning his logical reserve into an energy shield that froze him inside of himself.

Has he never really delved deep into his emotions, or has he always been this stagnant?

This was why Ren needed the pain. He was stuck, unable to connect his heart to his grey matter, both parts of himself living in a perpetual state of dissociation. Living had always been on a certain plane of detachment, dragging him higher into the black storm clouds of confusion. Pain was the only real thing that connected both parts together, making him feel healed.

Well, Rey had the same affect on him, but he had an inkling Leia wasn't going to allow her into this room any time soon.

I'm a thirty-year-old man and my mother still finds a way to punish me for having a temper tantrum.

Of course.

()()()()()

Poe exhaled while rubbing his face, trying to get the image of Ren slamming his head into a plate of glass out of his thoughts. Beside him, Rey covered her slackened mouth, eyes glued to Ben as he utterly destroyed the private room. The numerous quarters between Kylo and them muffled the devastation, but still, the noise was easily registered without the monitor. Blood covered Ren's face and hands as he beat the wall with bare knuckles, actually making dents in the metal. Poe knew the guy had anger issues, but shit… this bout was all unpolluted rage, something Poe had never seen.

Luke dragged a dazed Leia into the monitoring room, all the while hearing the woman mutter, "Why would he do that? His face..."

Other than the general's soft murmurs, no one knew what to say. Luke was too focused on his sister and Rey couldn't look away from the horrific display on the monitors. Harter was wise to stay back, letting the family deal with their issues, but still kept an eye on Kylo just in case he caused himself severe bodily harm. So maybe it wasn't that they didn't know what to say, and more that everyone was absorbed within their own thoughts.

Yeah, that's more accurate.

Poe's attention went back to the image, watching as Ren finally grew tired and sank to the floor, looking so emotionless it was strikingly disturbing. After all that fury, how could someone's features suddenly turn blank?

The far door slid open, eight Resistance guards filling the room with their bullying stature. There was only one reason for this many guards to enter: they were taking Ren somewhere, and it wasn't for some fresh air.

The reason for the firepower was not lost on the general, who immediately positioned herself between them and the door leading to the medical quarters. "You can't take him. He's still healing," Leia said defensively, her voice now strong and decisive.

"Well, you shouldn't have woken him," the tall, older man stated. Poe recognized the guy, but couldn't place a name to his firm features. "And the council has come to a decision as to what to do with him."

"What?!" Leia's voice rose in disbelief. "I wasn't aware the council was meeting."

"You're the prisoners mother; it was agreed to keep you out of the deliberations," he explained like he was talking to a child. Such blatant disrespect for the general was astonishing, but seeing how she kept the fact that Kylo Ren was her son from everyone but the council, Poe figured people would be pissed. The only gossip going around the base was that piece of knowledge, and no one was happy about it.

The man's stare swept over to the monitor, frowning at the odd image. "What the hell happened to his room? And why is he bleeding?"

Leia ignored the questions. "What has the council decided?"

"The prisoner has the right to hear the sentencing first."

"Sentencing? There hasn't even been a trial!" Poe exclaimed.

The guard ignored Poe's outburst and turned to one of the fellow officers. "Go in there and get him."

"He can't go to the council looking like that!" Rey yelled. Hell, if he walked through the ship with blood all over him, someone was bound to shoot him out of fear. Poe always loved the fact that everyone was free to carry their weapons around, but now, he wished the rules were more rigid.

"It's his own fault for looking the way he does." The man addressed the unmoving guard. "I told you to go in there and get him." From the way the soldier tensed and froze, he was too terrified to go into that room. Which was understandable. Ren appeared like he'd just stepped out of a nightmare where he had ripped people apart with his bare teeth and bathed in their blood. Seriously, that head wound was bleeding really badly.

As the general and Dr. Kalonia argued with the leader, Poe had no idea what to do. From the soldier's tone, he could deduce that Ren's sentence was not of the 'keep breathing' variety.

Poe suddenly became baffled that what Ren had predicted was now coming true: no trial, fast tracked execution, his mother not getting a say in the outcome. It was legal for a military committee to choose the sentencing of a war criminal, but the addendum had never been put into action… until now.

Poe had always been loyal to the New Republic and the Resistance, but he couldn't let something like this happen. He watched the arguing escalate as his brain searched for some sort of loophole to get Ren out of being executed. So far, he was coming up with a whole lot of nothin'.

How can they decide to kill him without even trying to make a deal? The guy has got to know so many secrets, some of which could help win this war.

Also, and this was a hard fact to admit, Poe did not entirely wish for Ren to die. Once upon a time, sure, he had, but now…. Man, Finn deserved to beat him till he lost consciousness. His feelings were so betraying the person Poe always tried to be.

Crap.

Quickly, Poe darted behind the general, ignoring the yells that were directed at him. He ran through the main medical facility, making his way to Ren's room and putting in the passcode. Careening into the quarters, he halted, taking in the scenery of red and white and all around madness. The room looked way worse in person, but his eyes settled on the broken man sitting in the middle of the floor.

()()()()()

Being this numb was starting to become a standard emotion among Ren's many.

In the pause, he felt the past and present shift, the man he used to be mixing with the one he currently was. There was no way to comfort the lonely, confused boy he'd been back then, even though he wanted to demand that his mother do so. The Force could make many things happen, but going back in time was not one of them. Ren understood that the laws of the universe could not be swayed.

Poe staggered into the room, breathing hard and looking stunned at all the damage. The pilot took a moment to compose himself before saying, "White is really not your color."

Ren glanced down at the white tunic and trousers, noticing all the blood that now stained the once pure fabric and becoming aware of the stream of red coming from his forehead. Wiping his face, he smeared the viscous liquid over his features and hair, making him appear like he'd dunked his head into a bucket of blood. The flavor of copper lingered on his taste buds as he cleaned his teeth with his tongue. His skull pounded with the concentric pulses of bright white pain, tingling down his spine, coming back to the receptors in his brain.

Bracing his hands on one knee, Ren stood, his feet stinging as they met the floor. As he shifted his weight, bloody footprints marred the glossy finish, meaning there were shards of glass in his skin – but truthfully, what did it matter? His body absorbed the pain in the self-punishing way he intimately treasured.

Inspecting Poe's demeanor, Ren noticed a bruise on the guy's left cheek that stretched under his eye, blackening the skin. He mechanically rubbed his hands on his trousers as he asked, "Who bruised that ugly face of yours?" Ren was impressed by the calm tone of his voice, given how dramatic it had been minutes ago.

Poe gave him a flat stare, but it was contradicted by his thinly amused grin. "Looks like death hasn't changed how much of an asshole you are."

Ren smiled a little at that. And then grew serious. As much as Ren enjoyed their little spouts, he needed to air a request. "I need to speak with Rey."

"I'm sure she'll come in here after she gets over the initial shock of watching you obliterate the room."

Ren's eyes widened.

Rather than waiting for him to respond, Poe strode past him to the refresher door at the back wall. "You need to clean up. The Resistance council is requesting your presence."

"Ah." Ren closed his eyes and bowed his head for a moment, knowing exactly why the council wanted to see him. "They want to see the look on my face when they tell me I am to be executed. Who cares what I look like then?" he said drily.

"Just get in the refresher, man." Poe's assertiveness over getting clean was unusual, and Ren gave him an odd look as he went into the small washroom. The pilot closed the door behind them, both men's broad bodies taking up most of the space.

"There are no cameras in here, so we can talk freely. Do you have anything you can give the Resistance so you can get out of this?" Poe asked in a rush.

There was a beat of silence as Ren's cerebral cortex processed the man's quick words. First, surveillance really should be placed in washrooms. Prisoners tended to take advantage of such idiocy. Who cares about privacy when there was a war going on? And second: "You mean information?"

"Yes."

Ren sighed, knowing such things were futile. "They're not going to stop my execution, no matter what I say." His brain had fallen into a state of learned helplessness since he realized he had zero control over his fate. It had been a hard lesson to learn – one he had to die for in order to absorb. Never had a studying session that extreme before…

"Geez, are you still suicidal?"

Ren stiffened. "Suicidal?"

Poe waved his hand through the air. "Well, you acted that way on Lothal."

Ren's eyes slimmed. "I wasn't trying to purposely die."

"Whatever. The fact is, you did and you didn't have to watch Rey almost kill herself trying to revive you." That sentence stung. "Would you really leave her again?"

Ren's lips thinned out as he spoke through clenched teeth. "I'm not really getting a choice in the matter, which is why I never wanted to come here."

"Maybe you have more of a choice than you think. Just tell them something of importance, something that would force them to give you a deal so you can stay alive. The guards outside are too afraid to come in here, so that might buy you a little time."

Poe was frantic and it was odd to see the man genuinely trying to help him. "Why do you care what happens to me?"

"Because…." Poe paused, looking around the room as if he could find his thoughts written on the pale walls. "Because BB-8 told me about your time with that family and what you did for them. And you saved my droid and kept him safe when you didn't have to. I'm grateful for that." Poe took a deep breath before getting really serious. "Look, I've grown up watching how horrible people can be. This war has devastated the galaxy, and it's been extremely difficult to find hope against an enemy that has unlimited resources. The fact that you, of all people, left the Order has to stand for something. And from what BB-8 said and what I've witnessed, you're actually trying to be a good fucking person. So, if someone as vile as you can actually see the error in his ways, then that gives me hope that not all is lost in this cruel universe."

Ren had given people many things, but hope was certainly never one of them.

Poe went to the cabinets, grabbed a white towel, and pinned it to Ren's chest, making him brace his balance against the sink. The pilot looked him in the eye and said, "Now clean up and think of a way out of this."

Ren felt something blossom in his chest, and this time, it didn't have anything to do with anger.

"Poe?" The pilot stopped before opening the door, glancing over his shoulder. Ren needed to say something since this might be the only opportunity he had to do so. He wasn't good with apologies. Or talking. But he wasn't a coward either. "I'm sorry... for what I did to you on the Finalizer," Ren whispered, too afraid to get more specific, on account of his voice almost breaking.

"We were on opposite sides of a war. I understand why you did what you did." Poe swiftly left, his footsteps drifting further away as each second passed.

Damn. If circumstances were different, Ren could very well see himself becoming friends with that guy.

Ren swiftly went on autopilot as he jumped into the hot shower, healed his wounds, and dried off. In the mirror, his body had acquired new scars, each one having their own story that played through his thoughts. He studied his right palm, the skin no longer showing the familiar lines, but now displaying the thin and wrinkly scar tissue of a healed third-degree burn. Balling the hand into a fist, he felt a minuscule amount of sensation, which was evidence that the nerves had been severely damaged. He slicked his wet hair back with both hands, transferring his attention to getting dressed.

The only spare clothing was what he found in the cabinets – another set of white tunics and pants. But it was either that or walk out of there naked.

Footsteps were approaching the refresher fast and Ren quickly wrapped the towel around his waist when he sensed who it was.

Rey shut herself into the small washroom, gazing at him with fiery eyes and a wound up demeanor. She was clearly mad, probably over the fact that he died and had endured feeling their bond break. Or that he essentially lied to her when he agreed to those ridiculous promises. Or that he had tried to leave her again by refusing to get on the Falcon. Or… well, the list seemed infinite.

So many things Ren wanted to ask and apologize for, but he couldn't stop his bare soles from closing the distance between them. He crushed her against his exposed chest, grabbing her face and bringing her lips to his. It was sloppy and teeth clashing, both pouring two weeks worth of loneliness and heartache into their wandering hands. There was anger behind her passion, making her substantially more attractive than she already was – and didn't that brand him a crass bastard for loving it. Her nails dug into his back, scoring his skin and bringing him somehow closer to her. Plunging his tongue inside, she moaned as he tasted her pleasure and he felt himself harden below.

He dipped to her neck and slowly, inescapably dragged his mouth over her vein, feeling her pulse quicken against his lips. She arched into him, pressing her body into his hips, causing him to growl and pin her against the closed door. The feeling of her on his hands, even though it was only her clothes, was intense, drowning out all other needs that didn't fall under the category of being with her.

Rey's hands slipped down his sides, crawling to his towel, dipping under the soft fabric….

With an unhappy curse, Ren locked his hand on her wrist, relishing in her palm against the part where his leg met his hip. She was so close to touching his masculinity, but if she did, he would never stop till he devoured her. And since time never seemed to be on their side, he needed to confess his feelings before he was taken away.

Ren kissed her softly and lingered the contact as he carefully pulled her curious hand away so his towel didn't fall to the floor. When he pulled back, there was a sizzling moment as their eyes met, their labored breathing mixing into the air. He swallowed. Hard. "As much as I want to keep going, there is something I need to tell you." Rey's languid eyes were starting to focus upon hearing his voice… and from their interaction being cut short. "I know you're mad and I know how much you want to yell at me for being stupid on Lothal, but I need to talk first."

She opened her mouth to protest, but he talked over her, bringing up his palms to gently hold those soft, sun kissed cheeks.

"Remember our first dream together? You accused me of knowing who you were because of what I said before we dueled on Starkiller?" Rey nodded, entranced by how quickly and ardently he spoke, appearing so open and vulnerable. "I had seen you before, but never physically. Ever since I was ten, I've dreamed about you." Rey's eyes widened. "The dreams more than likely started the day you were born and this bond was forged. They always started the same, too. I ran through a forest covered in snow, running till I found you. You were facing away me, so I was never able to properly see you. You would then called my grandfather's lightsaber into your hand, catching it and igniting it."

Her hands dug into his waist and he drew closer to her from feeling the contact. Ren hunched over, their noses almost touching, the fact that he was a flick away from being naked never leaving their minds. "I've had this dream most of my life, but I never saw who you were, not until after everything happened on Starkiller base. By the way the lightsaber flew into your hand and from the surrounding landscape, I knew you were the woman I kept seeing. Everything connected in that moment."

"How–"

"There's more," Ren cut her off, coming closer. If he kept this up, she was going to meld into the door. "I should've told you how I felt in that closet on Lothal, but I got sidetracked and ignored the prompting to do so. As I died, I regretted not taking that chance when I should have. I regretted not getting on the Falcon with you. I have regretted so many things about my life, but I have never regretted knowing that I love you." His thumbs stroked her velvet cheeks, their eyes locked and transported them to a plane of existence where only they remained.

"I love you," Ren's voice cracked as he repeated himself. "You gave me hope in the darkness that I could come back to the light, and while I've been denying it for a long time now, I do feel it inside me. You believed in me, listened to me, saved me. I look at you and see the rest of my life in the way you walk and laugh and live. You speak, and it somehow grounds me. You smile, and I find a purity I never knew existed. Your life is so full of light that I willingly let it draw me in, because being with you... it's like I've found something I lost within myself a long time ago."

Gods, he was getting emotional, but it was too late to turn back now. "My life has been dark, depressing, and so very violent – but amidst the depths of that chaos, there you were. I was lost to you the moment I saw you on Takodana and I would never take that back. I thought of love as a weakness, a fault that would ruin me. But now, I see how much of a lie that was. I know in retrospect, we've only spent a handful of days together, but how I feel about you is so strong, I don't need more time to distinguish the truth."

Other than her large eyes, Rey was stoic, lost in his stare as much as he was lost in hers.

"I don't expect these feelings to be reciprocated." How he wished they would be. "And I will be fine if they never are." No, he wouldn't. "I don't know what will happen when I stand in front of the council." Yes, he did. "So I needed to tell you before –"

Abrupt banging against the door caused Rey to jump into him, his arms quickly encompassing her. "You have a minute to get out of there or we're coming in," a masculine voice proclaimed. The unwanted interruption caused Ren to daydream about ripping the man's throat out, but Rey's soft voice extinguished the urge.

"No…." Rey whispered. Her enduring eyes were quickly replaced with shock. She craned her head up, grabbing his bare shoulders, looking at him wildly. "You need to escape; get off the ship and get far away."

Running his knuckles across the curve of her face, he pointed out the truth. "I'm powerful, Rey, but not that powerful. There are too many guards. I wouldn't get far before they killed me." Rey kept muttering different things he could do, where he could go, how to steal a ship. Her mind was thinking of every possible solution, but him? He was memorizing the way her lips moved, the contours of her round face, the dimples in her cheeks. It surprised him how calm he felt, knowing that he was going to do the death thing all over again. But he knew resistance was futile, and it broke him to see Rey refuse to accept that.

She fell silent as his thumb moved over her red lips. "Listen, whatever happens, you can't intervene. I don't want you to get hurt," Ren said with horrible gentleness.

Her eyes became steely. "If our situations were reversed, you wouldn't try and change the outcome?"

Good point. Very good point.

"Rey –" The door opened, showing a very frustrated officer. The man was taken aback to see a woman and a half naked Ren in the refresher, but quickly composed himself. "You," he pointed at Rey. "Out." Rey grabbed Ren's hand and squeezed, letting go only when she walked too far way to hold on. "Put your clothes on," the officer commanded and shut the door, cutting Rey off from Ren's vision.

Watching her leave had lit his heart on fire and the pain was excruciating, but it was real in a world full of deceit and that had to count for something... now that he was at the end.

()()()()()

Actions blurred together after Rey left, but the longer Ren was escorted through the hallways, the quicker he went from an automaton to being semi-aware, his senses coming alive one minute and checking out the next. The footfalls of the soldiers surrounding him sounded like bombs dropping, the tingling of his legs making him feel like his body would fall in on itself. Every inhale was a typhoon. Every beat of his heart was a punch to the chest. Every gulp was a ball of nails trailing down to his stomach.

Ren kept going in and out, not remembering how he came from one point to another. When the situation came back into focus later, he found himself sitting at the end of a long table, members of the council staring at him with judgmental eyes. His bare feet rested on the cold, metal floor, because why give a soon to be dead man shoes?

He quickly took note that his mother was not in the room. Probably for the best. He didn't need to breakdown at a time like this.

"Kylo Ren." A blonde woman with a sharp face addressed him from the other end of the table. "You are a war criminal who has taken part in countless murders and the destruction of the Hosnian system. The council has deliberated over your fate and has decided to sentence you to death, with you being allowed to choose the method. We are not interested in making any deals with you. The families of the people you murdered deserve justice, and we're going to give them the comfort of knowing you can never hurt another living soul ever again."

Well… there went the possibility of bartering information for his life. Ren refused to cower in face of such a sentence, but his stomach twisted till he could feel the burn of acid in his throat. Shutting down the urge to vomit, he looked the satisfied woman in the eye.

"Why am I here if there is nothing I can do to stop my execution?"

"We wanted to give you the chance to clear your conscience and tell us everything you know about the First Order."

Ren gaped at the audacity of these people. Give information away for free? Hell. No. "I think I'll take my knowledge to the grave, thank you." he sneered.

"I was expecting you to say something like that." Who the hell is this woman? Ren didn't recognize her from any of the Order's intel, but she carried herself like she was important and all the figures in the room followed her lead. He skimmed the top of her thoughts, searching–

Ren stilled.

The memories he found were harrowing and before he could stop himself, his compassion stretched out to this woman – the very woman who fought hard for his execution. He could use these memories against her and show the council that she was unfit to lead them, but his mouth didn't open. Even if he did reveal her secrets, it wasn't going to stop where he was headed.

"When is my execution?" Ren asked with a pale voice.

"We can give you time to say goodbye to your family and then carry out the sentence."

Or, I can get it over with right now and take as many of you people with me.

Ren was not one to wait, and he would prefer his life to end in a flair of violence only he could deliver. While he wouldn't divulge this blonde woman's secrets, he was content with killing her since she was more than willing to end his life. Hopefully his death would be quick, unlike last time. He didn't want Rey to suffer.

Before he could move on his plan, shouting came from outside the room before Luke and Rey rushed inside. "This is a closed meeting," the blonde proclaimed, irritated. "You're not allowed to be here, Master Jedi."

Breathing heavily, Skywalker said, "You don't have the authority to execute him."

"Excuse me? The council has –"

"Before he joined the First Order, Ben was given the title of Jedi Master. By me." That shut the woman up quick. "Under the constitution of the New Republic, in the fourth amendment, it states that all Jedi Masters adhere to the Jedi council for any disciplinary actions, no matter the crime."

A whole lot of confusion spread throughout the room. "No holo-message was given to the Senate stating that Ben Solo was made a Jedi Master."

What are they doing? This is a waste of time!

"I must admit, I'm old and am prone to being forgetful, but I do have proof." Skywalker slid a device into the room's operating system in the wall, pulling up a holovid that was split into two screens: on the left was Skywalker, and on the right was Leia. By their familiar aged faces, this was recorded recently.

"This video was taken weeks ago, when my sister and I were able to talk to one another for the first time in six years. There's only one particular part you need to hear, so I won't waste too much of your time," Skywalker said derisively, pushing a red button on the wall.

Ren didn't want to watch, but he couldn't look away.

In the projection, Skywalker rubbed his eyes, looking exhausted as he spoke. "We had a few leads on some Jedi Temples in the Outer Rim Territories, so I brought Ben along to help me search for them. I thought it would be good for him to get away from the academy for a while."

Leia's brows scrunched with confusion. "Why?"

"Ben starts to get restless the longer he's there. I thought some adventure might help get it out of him." Silence ensued, Leia studying her brother as the Jedi inhaled a dragging breath. "I made him a Jedi Master, you know," he muttered.

"You did? He – he was ready for something like that?"

Skywalker nodded solemnly. "As ready as anyone can be. There was really nothing else I could teach him, except ways to regulate his temper, but he seemed to have gotten better at controlling himself. And Leia, I was just so tired of doing it all on my own. I needed help and Ben was the most gifted of my students. So before we left on the journey, I gave him the title." As Luke reflected, a gleam of joy shined in his eyes, almost causing him to smile. "You should have seen his face when I did. He was the happiest I'd seen him in a long time and he–" The video cut out, plunging the room into brash silence.

Ren remembered receiving that new designation, and yeah, he'd been ecstatic to get it. It was the one goal that made him wake up in the morning, go through his training, and endure being ostracized by his peers. Oh, but how he wanted to go back to that moment and slap himself senseless, beat himself to the ground and yell that none of it was worth it.

If he'd known what awaited him in adulthood, he never would have bothered smiling in his youth. Or made pointless goals.

"You can't seriously think we're going to take this video as proof," the woman cut through the troubled atmosphere.

"Look at the time stamp. There was no possible way for me to know how valuable this video would become, so why would I have lied? Ben is under my authority, not yours. And frankly, I'm surprised you've been put at the head of the council after everything that has happened to you, Admiral Trend."

Ren had been watching Trend's anger redden her face, but at hearing what Skywalker just stated, he slowly swept his eyes to the old man.

He knows, but is he going to reveal it to the council?

Confused faces looked to the admiral. "What is he talking about?" Statura asked, everyone awaiting an answer.

Skywalker's brows rose, feigning surprise. "She hasn't told you? Her whole family was killed during the destruction of the Hosnian system: her husband, three children, her parents. You're just as biased to this whole situation as my sister, but you weren't going to let anyone know that. Were you?"

Silence... then the room erupted in voices. Trend murderously glared at Skywalker, ignoring the stream of questions. Ren glanced between the two, flabbergasted that the Jedi Master revealed the very information he'd chosen not to. And they call him heartless? Skywalker didn't even look conflicted.

"Rey, take Ben out of the room." Skywalker's command intermixed with the swirling arguments. "I'll meet with you two later." But Rey didn't have to go far as Ben darted out of the chair, very keen on getting the hell out of the hostile meeting. If his only chance to stay alive was to adhere to Skywalker's help, then he would take it. Pride be damned… for now.

"Congratulations, Ben," Trend spat as Ren paused before leaving, staring over his shoulder. The room quieted to a low hum, whispers filling the background noise. Rey grabbed his arm, attempting to get him out of there, but his ears wanted to hear what the woman had to say. "You get to go on with your life, never receiving official punishment for what you've done. While you roam free, your victims lay rotting in the ground, never to see their families again. I hope their faces haunt you for the rest of your sinful life."

Don't worry, he inwardly said as he let Rey pull him into the hall. They will.

A/N

He's alive! Yeah! Well, that's the new chapter folks. What did ya'll think? Anyone feeling sorry for Finn? How about that small snippet between Ben and Rey? He finally told her how he felt!

Anyway, please leave a comment below! Thanks for reading!