Thanks to all who ready this incredibly time consuming story! I appreciate all the follows, faves, and reviews! When my energy gets low, I like to read all your reviews to help me to keep going. Seriously, you guys are incredible!
So writing this chapter took on a life of its own. When it was done, it was close to 17,000 words and that was waaaaaay too long. So I cut the chapter in half and this chapter is the first section, which is why it's shorter than the others. It's kind of a filler chapter, so I apologize that not much goes on, but the next chapter is where it picks up. I'll probably post the next one tomorrow or Monday. It's pretty much all done, just gotta do some light editing. There are probably mistakes and errors in this chapter, but I just want to get it posted. I am gonna pick through it the next few days, but I just wanted to get this out here for you guys!
NightElfCrawler: I'm glad you like the concept of him being gray. At this point in his life and after everything he's done, I find it impossible for him to fully embrace the light. So he is stuck in the middle, learning how to be this new person. Sometimes he'll be balanced, other times... not so much. He is going to be on this journey right up till the end! KatMichBow: Thank you for finding every chapter glorious! I'm not sure how you'll perceive this chapter since it's kind of filler, but it still shows some good interactions between the characters. Oh, his decision to keep Rey's parentage from her will come back to bite him. Big time. With every triumph, there is always a disaster waiting to happen. The story is going to start to shift to focus more on her and the trials she will soon face. She has this idea that the light side of the force is the only way to go and she will go through a wake up call and learn that morals are not always easy. Glad I could make your Star Wars night even better! I absolutely loved Rogue One and don't judge me, but I cried– which I never do during movies. I thought the ending was beautiful! And I do put a lot of research into this story and I appreciate you seeing that. As the story becomes more intertwined and complicated, I really have to think through a lot of things. But I still love it! The Sorrowful Deity: Oh, how true that statement is. Ren isn't the smartest person, even though he likes to think so. BTW, I like your fanfic name! vana9: You are so very welcome for the update! Of course, Ren had to have that epiphany while almost killing people. It's just his style. I think about these characters a lot, so their development can be relatable and understandable. That's probably why my chapters are so damn long, because I put so much development into all of them. Ben and Poe will both talk to Jess in a future chapter. Right now, Jess is just overwhelmed from knowing who Ben is and for bluntly telling Poe how she feels. So she is trying to lay low. Guest 2: Glad you agree with the intimate part of their relationship! I don't want people to become super impatient over them getting together, but their relationship is slow, sooo... oh well. It's coming soon, though! Not a lot of Reylo in this chapter, so I hope you'll be okay. It is gonna be tough for Ren to do the balancing act, and Luke might possibly help him out with some aspects of the Force... Thanks for reading! Sona: Thanks! I hope you continue to enjoy as we move forward! ryndomshetplz: Mmmmm... Pop-tarts are soooo good! lol And you comparing my story to them makes my heart soar! :) I will take your complaint about the swearing under advisement. I'm not going to stop it all together, but I can be more considerate with where it's put in. I try to have it so Ren doesn't say it out loud as much as he thinks it in his mind. But if you think it's too much, I can try to tone it down. I think the other reviewer was referencing other fanfic sites, so they would be expecting you to use characters and worlds that have already been created. But I can't be sure cause I haven't looked into it. After this is all done, I will. Don't want to be sued or anything!
Also, such a sad week to have lost Carrie Fisher and Debbie Reynolds. Both were amazing people. I always admired Carrie for how honest she was about her mental illness and problems with addiction. She never sugar coated it. You'll be missed space mom! May the Force be with you.
Rey frowned and glanced through the shuttle's circular window as the small ship shuddered, signaling that they were leaving the atmosphere. As the soft blue sky was swapped with the infinity of space, she nibbled on the small ration bar she always kept in her satchel. Always keeping a small amount of food and water on hand had been a wise decision, given how they were not offered a chance to eat before being found in that hallway and escorted to the awaiting transport.
Sitting next to her, Ben remained quiet while the officer across from them kept his mouth pinched together, his eyes focused on the most dangerous man in the tight space. With nothing more than her thoughts for company, Rey went through all the different reasons why the members of the council would want to speak with Ben. Luke had told her that everything with the mess hall and the whole jungle debacle had been solved.
Maybe they wanted to lecture him? But that was like beating a dead tauntaun, because Ben really didn't care what those people thought or said to him.
Once docked, Rey scuttled to the exit, noting how Ben hunched over to avoid hitting his head on the metal ceiling. Studying his slumped pose, she realized he did that whenever he was around her. That way, he could get as close to her eye level as possible. With everyone else he always kept his spine straight, his torso tense as if to intimidate.
Seeing how he spent most of his time with her, she should probably tell him to have better posture or he might end up ruining his back.
The duo followed the scurrying officer through the entanglement of lit hallways, catching glances from random passerbys. What is wrong with him? Rey kept looking over at Ben and examining his threatening eyes, locked shoulders, and tightly balled fists. He wouldn't tell her anything in the hallway and she hadn't a clue as to what was bothering him. Clearly something was. The Dark side was pulsating out of his body, almost causing her soul to choke on its raw and eerie essence.
Rounding a corner, the officer stopped at an open entryway, motioning them inside. Ben went first and Rey followed suit, her eyes catching the lit buttons of a communications desk before –
She stopped and reflexively moved closer to Ben's stilled form, her arm brushing up against his as they both zeroed in on Admiral Trend standing among members of the Resistance council. Rey had been hoping the woman had left permanently, but it would appear she just took a short-lived sabbatical.
General Organa stepped forward, looking directly at her son. "I appreciate you coming up here on short notice."
"I didn't think I had much of a choice," Ben said. "If this is about what happened on the base –"
"It's not," Leia interrupted, eye's going up and down Ben's form, no doubt looking for any injuries. "As you know, the Core Worlds are in talks with the First Order and I want to know what they're negotiating."
Ben's expression morphed into confusion, his stare quickly bouncing between each council member before settling back on the general. "Okay…."
Rey wasn't sure what was going on either.
Leia took another step forward. "Senator Tisnew shut me down and wouldn't tell me anything significant. You've met this man a few times before; when you were younger. I don't know if you remember –"
"I do," Ben interrupted. "I'm surprised he's still alive."
"He was on Coruscant when the Hosnian system –"
"That's not what I meant. When last I saw him, the man was a relic and old age didn't seem to be doing him any favors," Ben stated blatantly.
"I fail to view this with your kind of levity," Trend piped in, eyes hostile, but face surprisingly composed.
Ben glared at the woman. "Who's laughing?"
No one.
Ben focused back on Leia, voice dripping with impatience. "Why have I been summoned here?"
The council glanced among one another, each of them appearing nervous and skeptical – except Trend. Her contempt stare remained on Ben. "He asked to talk with you," Leia said after a brief pause.
"Me? As in –"
"He knows Kylo Ren is also Ben Solo, the boy he met years ago. I think he wants to ask you about the Order and to also see if the information about you being here is true."
Rey's eyes started to burn from the lack of blinking. Surely, this was some sort of joke. "You want me to talk… to a senator…"
"Yes."
"No."
"Ben –"
His voice became hard, his eyes indignant. "That's not my name. And I don't deal with politicians."
"I know, but I think he might tell you what the First Order wants from them."
Taking a deep breath, Ben explained, "I told you, the Core Worlds are the epitome of leadership in the galaxy," he lectured patronizingly. "If they join the movement then other planets will likely follow, which would be easier than trying to take the whole galaxy by force since Starkiller was destroyed."
"I think they're threatening Coruscant with another super weapon."
Rey's breathing froze in her lungs as no one moved or said anything.
Finally, Ben spoke. "There is no other super weapon."
"Is it possible you weren't told everything? Maybe things were kept from you, given where… you come from."
Ben's sight narrowed. "I'm not going to talk to him."
Leia drew in a deep breath and then stared at Ben harshly. "You're fate, including Rey's, is tied to the success of the Resistance. So if you don't want to do it to help us, do it to help yourself."
When you couldn't rely on morality, you could absolutely bank on narcissism.
Ben didn't dignify Leia with a response and Rey was glad he didn't. Ever since stepping into this room, she had a sense that Ben was on the verge of exploding into a whirlwind of rage. She wasn't sure of the root source, so she went on assuming it was over seeing the council again.
Instead of replying, Ben sneered as he pivoted and walked onto the platform, all eyes following him. "Well?" he questioned the room. "I would like to get this over with as soon as possible."
Rey was escorted off to the side as Leia and Ben talked in hushed tones, probably discussing what needed to be asked. Every few moments, Rey noticed how Ben's eyes darted over to Major Ematt, causing him to lose focus till he turned his attention back to his mother. Glancing over at the man, nothing seemed to be off or peculiar. So why was Ben giving him more attention than the rest?
Once done, Leia came to stand by Rey and the call to the senator went out, making the chamber revert to silence.
An aged human male appeared on the screen, his sagging face and blotchy sunspots making it impossible to envision what he might've looked like in his younger years. His hair reminded Rey of an over plucked bird, in that his head was covered in feathery wisps of white, frail tendrils. If Ben thought the senator was old when he saw him as a boy, the politician came across as ancient now. In all honesty, the man looked like he should have died of old age decades ago.
And that was being generous.
Senator Tisnew squinted through the screen, his milky eyes scrutinizing Ben's face. "Well, you do have the Solo resemblance, and your defiant stare is recognizable from when you were younger. But how can I be sure you really are Kylo Ren?"
"You wanted this meeting," Ben's bottomless voice pointed out. "I wasn't under the impression you needed proof of my authenticity."
Tisnew's chair creaked as he sat back. "Technology has come a long way over the last thousand years. People can be deceived. I'm going to need proof. Where is your lightsaber?"
Oh no….
"You really think I would be allowed to keep it with me?" Ben played it off smoothly.
The senator batted his hand through the air petulantly. "Well then have someone fetch it. I can wait."
Ben stared at the screen for a fraction of a second before saying, "Then you'll be waiting till your dead, because I lost it weeks ago."
"A Jedi doesn't just lose his saber," the old man ridiculed.
"I'm not a Jedi."
"You used to be, from what I've been told." Ben remained silent and Tisnew's patience wore thin as he lifted his hand to cut off the feed… but then froze. Widening his eyes, the senator palmed his throat, his breathing coming out in short rasps as if he were choking.
Wait… he was choking.
A few of Tisnew's aids rushed to him, trying to figure out what was going on as the wheezing became worse and his eyes bulged from their sockets. But Rey knew. The Dark side was spilling out of Ben, his eyes sinister from the wicked act he was performing.
Rey teetered forward but Leia grabbed her arm, keeping her in place. Glancing down at the small woman, Rey saw that she had her eyes fixated on her son.
No one in the room moved as they looked at the general, waiting for a response.
Just as Rey was about to scream, long heaving gasps came from the screen, catching her attention.
"I'm fine!" Tisnew harshly panted, tossing aside the worried individuals. "Let me be," he said as he rubbed his throat. Leaving the man per his request, the senator took a few moments to breathe, all the while watching Ben.
"Need more proof?" Ben asked, not even appearing to have broken a sweat. How did he do that? Senator Tisnew was light-years away, and somehow, Ben had Force choked him. Through a screen. And made it look easy.
"I would like to get this meeting over with. So how about you tell me what you and the Order have been negotiating and then we can all get back to our lives," Ben demanded with an air of authority.
"Negotiating?" Tisnew croaked, still massaging his throat. "There is no negotiating with those people. They want this planet under their complete rule or they have threatened to take it by force."
Ben crossed his arms, keeping his face impassive. But Rey could sense his underlying irritation. "Coruscant is so densely populated that it would take the First Order's whole army to conquer it," he pointed out.
Bracing his hands on the desk, Tisnew leaned forward, looking like he was getting ready to scold an infant. "They didn't threaten me with stormtroopers or Star Destroyers. She told me they had another super weapon and that if we defied them, they would use it on us as an example."
"Who is this 'she'?"
"Carise Sindian." Rey teetered, trying to hold back the shock upon hearing that woman's name. Ben stayed professional by not reacting, but his fury thundered through her soul. "She used to be a senator –"
"I know who she is."
Tisnew did not appreciate the blatant disrespect and glared at Ben with disapproval. "What I want to know is if I should take this threat seriously. Do they have another weapon like Starkiller?"
Playing the part of a statue, Ben took a moment before answering. "I don't know." Rey closed her eyes briefly as she listened to Tisnew spit out a string of curses. Obviously, that was not the answer the man wanted to hear.
"You don't know?!" Tisnew barked. "What have you been doing with these terrorists the whole time? Working as a radar technician?"
Ben's temples protruded, his hands balling into fists below his elbows. "My dealings pertained to the Force and the missions I was assigned. I did not work maintenance."
Tisnew glanced around his office while shaking his head, until he finally shot his arms up in defeat. "Do you know anything?"
Ben raised his already aggravated voice. "I know plenty, but all you want to know is if there is another super weapon at play– to which, I'm not sure."
The senator's eyes narrowed. "You instill me with zero confidence."
"I'm not here to make you feel better, and if that's why you requested to speak with me, then that was extremely imprudent of you."
Releasing a long breath, Tisnew reclined back and with a shaky hand, pushed the little remaining hair left on his shriveled head. The movement was exactly what Ben would do when becoming stressed or afraid and as Rey looked closely, she could see certain similarities between the two men now. Both had narrow, long faces; both had prominent noses; both were experts at glaring.
And both seemed very headstrong.
It was a bad idea to have these two speak to each other.
Ben cleared his throat, his expression softening somewhat. "I can tell you this: the First Order does have the resources to build another weapon." Tisnew perked up. "I doubt it would be as powerful as Starkiller, but it could still be devastating."
Tisnew's eyes became grave. "So I should take their threat seriously."
"Yes."
"Would they have their army attack the planet?"
Rubbing his chin, Ben appeared to be giving the question genuine thought. "They would try a military takeover first before completely annihilating the planet, if that's what you're wondering. Coruscant is at the center of the galaxy and if they have your loyalty, then other systems will follow your example."
"How much time do you think we have before they come here?"
"When did these talks start?"
"A few days after the Hosnian system was destroyed."
"Hux is no doubt growing impatient by now, so I'd say you don't have long before they come for you. I'd give it a few more weeks. And that's being generous."
Tisnew's throat expanded as he struggled to swallow and this time, it was not from Ben's doing, but from fear. "Then… I don't see any way around joining them."
The two men fell quiet, Ben studying the man's sullen face while Tisnew looked down upon his desk. "You still have your planetary military, correct?" Ben asked.
"Yes," Tisnew replied, lifting his head "But the numbers are vastly smaller than the First Order's."
"Have them armed and ready anyway. If the Order comes, you should be able to fend them off until the Resistance can arrive," Ben offered in the form of advice.
"What if I do not want bloodshed?"
Ben shrugged. "Then do what they say and join them."
Tisnew steepled his hands as his face became firm. "I want your honest opinion: does the galaxy stand a chance against the First Order?"
"Very little, if at all," Ben said with absolutely no pause.
Stars, why does he have to be so honest all the time? To Rey, she still had hope that they could win the war, but Ben firmly believed it was a lost cause.
If the council was smart, they won't ask him to talk to another politician. Ever.
The senator nodded solemnly. "Not what I wanted to hear, but I appreciate the truth." From there on out, General Organa took over and had Ben take up her spot beside Rey. Rey didn't listen to Tisnew and Leia's short conversation, because she was too busy being strangled by Ben's emotions. Craning her neck, she saw that he was staring daggers at Major Ematt again, which he needed to stop doing before anyone noticed.
The feed blacked out and Leia turned to the small crowd.
"Did you seriously tell him we have no chance against the First Order?" Major Ematt loudly pegged the question at Ben.
"I never lie," Ben said through gritted teeth.
"And that's a form of pride, is it?" Ematt pointed at the dark screen. "After squashing that man's hope, what's stopping him from joining the Order right now?"
"I guess nothing."
Ematt's face reddened. "You piece of –"
"Major!" Leia yelled, silencing the man. "You two," her eyes snapped at Rey and Ben. "Your shuttle is waiting."
Ben didn't wait to be told twice as he strode to the exit, Rey scurrying frantically just to keep up with him. Neither glanced back at the room before bursting into the hall. Ben just kept going, eventually turning one too many corners before collapsing against the durasteel wall.
"Are you okay?" Rey asked, wrapping her arms around his middle to steady him. "What was going on in there? It felt like you were going to kill someone."
Ben hung his head, breathing deeply through his teeth, his lips twitching through the process. "Rey…."
"Yeah? What is it?"
His eyes stared distantly ahead. "Do you often wonder what happened to your family? To you parents?"
What?
"Uhhhhh… Well… I did more when I was younger. I mean, I do still wonder and I probably always will, but I've come to accept that I'll probably never know where I come from," she said truthfully. Recently, she'd given up her naïve hope of ever reuniting with her family, because she understood that living too much in the past made you lose focus on the future.
And her future was with Ben.
"What if –" Ben licked his dry lips. "What if you had the option of knowing, but were told the truth was so unimaginably heinous that it could destroy you?" Heavy lids ghosted over his eyes. "Would you still want to know?"
"I… I don't know. I guess I'd still want to know, even if it was bad. Honestly, if I were to find out they were dead, it wouldn't ruin me. I've always known that there was a huge probability that they weren't alive." Ben's features distorted in pain, making her frown. "Why are you asking me this? Did something happen with your mom?"
Ben went still, then looked up at her, his gaze bouncing between her eyes, nose, and lips. "You know I love you, right?"
Stars, she was so close to him, their noses almost touching. "Yes."
"And you know I want you to be happy?"
"Yes… Ben, you're starting to scare me. Why are you talking like this?"
He palmed her cheek, giving her forehead a long and gentle kiss. "Always remember that I love you, no matter what happens," he said against her skin, the warmth of his breath making her melt.
"O-okay, I will," Rey whispered into his shirt.
Ben pulled back, his eyes tracing her face. Dipping his head, his mouth met hers, kissing her like her lips were air and he couldn't breathe. The indiscreet passion painted her a picture of their possible future together, where they touched without reservation, where they lived without apology.
As he pulled her closer, his hands greedily traveled along her hips, running over the curve of her backside. Panting, she thought how Ben was like nobody else in the galaxy. When she was with him, it was like she was split in half. Part of her was on fire, going crazy from not being able to touch and explore him fully. The other half was calm and peaceful, just perfectly content with knowing that he was the one for her.
Breaking the delicious contact, his forehead rested against hers, their heavy breathing intermingling to create compact warmth between them. It was hard for Rey to think straight or to even remember what they had been discussing before the interplay. If Ben asked her right now what two plus two equaled, she would end up giving his name as the answer.
Coming back down to reality, she wondered if anyone had seen what they'd been doing.
Who the hell cares, Rey thought. It was worth it.
"Come on," Ben muttered. "Let's get out of here."
He grasped her hand and interlaced their fingers, leading her down the hallway in the direction of the hangar bay. Emerging into the vast population of the cruiser, she noticed the stares pretty quickly, but brushed them off. Rey figured they were merited since their hands never parted, and she couldn't stop a big satisfying grin from spreading across her face and reaching her ears.
()()()()()
"The DLT-20A can be an automatic or a semi-automatic blaster rifle. To switch between the two, you press this button next to the trigger," Finn pointed to a small, black button while Rey leaned closer for a better look. "With the top-mounted rangefinder, you're able to see your target up to a mile away. You wanna look through it?"
Rey nodded enthusiastically as Finn helped her get a proper grip on the weapon.
The afternoon sun reflected off the sleek rifle as Rey palmed and handled it with ease. He leaned against the metal stand that held all the weapons and watched Rey brighten from her youthful fascination. Finn had been surprised when she voiced her desire for him to teach her about various blasters, especially when she wanted half their day off to consist of the lessons. Honestly, Finn didn't mind what he did with Rey as long as they got to spend some time together. He'd been sure that Ren's presence was going to replace his own, but so far, Rey always made an effort to talk with him throughout the day.
And he liked that he was the one teaching her these things and not Kylo.
Rey looked through the lense, aiming the rifle down range at the metal targets. "This is way lighter than I thought it would be," Rey noted, lowering the weapon and inspecting it.
Finn wiped the sweat from his forehead. "It's made from titanium alloys that are super lightweight, which comes in handy when you're already lugging around fifty pounds of other equipment."
Rey motioned at a small square section between the barrel and trigger. "Is this where the power pack is?"
"Yeah, it can hold up to thirty shots till you either charge it or switch it out. You wanna try shooting it?"
"Yes! I didn't ask you to teach me about blasters so I can just name off the parts." Finn laughed and helped Rey get into an acceptable shooting stance.
He took a step back while instructing her. "Spread your feet a little farther apart – good. Make sure it's pressed firmly against your shoulder– yeah, right there." He made sure the rifle wasn't directly on her bone before explaining how to aim.
"Okay," Finn said, stepping behind her. "Give it a go."
Finn was surprised with how naturally talented Rey was with the rifle, but then again, people that were Force sensitive were gifted when it came to stuff like this. Kinda unfair since it took Finn years to have excellent aim. But he didn't mind that Rey was a quick study, because it meant that she had a better chance at defending herself.
She quickly went through the power pack and lowered the weapon, her infectious smile crinkling her eyes. "Wow," she breathed. "I didn't realize how… therapeutic shooting would be. I mean, dueling with lightsabers is great, but there's something so accomplishing about aiming a rifle and actually hitting a target."
And hit the targets she had. Finn looked through his binocs and saw that all eleven targets were littered with blaster marks.
"Look at you, being a natural. I figured you would be," Finn complimented her sincerely as he took the rifle and replaced it with a pistol.
"So…. There's something I want to tell you," Finn said, unsure on how to say it.
Rey glanced up from examining the blaster.
"I, uh… I was given the official rank of captain this morning." Before Finn had met up with Rey, Major Ematt had requested his presence. Seeing the official paperwork had been surreal and he'd immediately accepted the position, all the while trying to fight back a smile. "It's mainly for the ESC, but it's recognized by the Resistance and New Republic. Or that's what I've been told, anyway."
"What?!" Rey exclaimed, nearly tossing the pistol on the table before wrapping her arms around Finn's neck. "Congratulations! Finn, this is great!"
"Thanks," he said sheepishly, holding her tightly. Once separated, she listened with unyielding attention as he described his new duties.
"Does everyone have to call you Captain Finn now?" Rey playfully asked.
"Goodness, no. Just captain. Adding Finn to it sounds weird."
"You could be called Captain 2187." They both looked at each other before bursting into a fit of laughter. "I'm just kidding," Rey said as they quieted down.
"I know." He breathed in the thick air. "Man, sometimes I wish I had a last name."
"You could just give yourself one."
Finn's shoulder bobbed up and down. "Yeah, I could, but surnames are a familial tradition and seeing how I have no family… Just seems weird to pick one."
Rey's nose scrunched up from her hard frown, her head turning to look off into the jungle. It dawned on Finn that both Rey and him had the family problem in common, and he hadn't meant to sound so insensitive.
"Oh, Rey." Placing his hand on her arm, he gave it a light squeeze. "I forgot… I'm sorry –"
"No, it's okay," Rey said as she looked back at him. She gave him a smile, but the expression didn't reach her eyes. "I know you didn't mean anything by it. Looks like neither of us have last names." She grabbed a pistol from the table and went about studying it, but Finn knew her eyes weren't in the game,
"If you don't mind me asking," he whispered, "do you think about your family often?"
Cause he thought about his. Everyday.
Rey shrugged, keeping her eyes on the weaponry. "I used to, but not as much anymore."
"You think they're alive?"
She paused before raising her eyes and saying, "It sounds horrible, but I kinda hope they aren't. I'd rather believe that they died trying to get back to me, than to think that they outright abandoned me. That way, at least I can pretend that they loved me."
Finn gazed over her head at the far off mountain range, nodding his head silently. He completely understood Rey's reasoning, because in her situation, he would have wanted to believe the same.
"What about you?" Rey asked. "Do you think your family's still alive?"
"Some of them might be."
"Do you know what planet you were taken from?"
What Finn would give to get that information….
"It's somewhere in the unknown regions; it's not on a galactic map or anything. That's all I know." All the stromtroopers were taken from the unknown regions. That way, the New Republic didn't become suspicious. Finn had been tempted to ask Ren about it, but nixed that idea. Knowing the guy, he'd either refuse to answer or snicker in a way that pissed Finn off. Nope... Finn would never be able to get that information from Kylo Ren.
"You don't remember anything?" Rey asked while scratching at her right forearm.
Finn shook his head. "No. I was taken when I was very young. The academy was where I grew up and considered home."
"I don't remember anything either, except for a dream I had where my mother left me with Unkar." Rey's brows came together slightly, her voice sounding distant. "It's strange, but I know what I saw was what really happened."
Guess the Force granted her that small glimpse. Lucky. "Did you see what she looked like?"
"Yeah… I did," Rey said, grinning softly. "I try to picture her face everyday so I don't forget her. I've attempted at drawing her portrait, but I can never get it exactly right."
"Well if she looks anything like you, then I'm sure she's beautiful."
Rey looked down, blushing even though her cheeks were already red from being out in the heat. "Thanks."
With the topic dying out, Rey lifted the pistol and fired a whole round.
As Finn showed her how to put in a new power pack, he asked, "How are you doing with your training?"
Rey perked up, looking suddenly proud. "Good. Really good, actually. Master Skywalker said my saber skills are exceptional, so we've been focusing more on my mental capabilities with the Force instead of the physical."
"Does Ren participate?"
Rey massaged her arm again. "No. He sits against the wall and reads the whole time."
The guy reads? "What's he reading?"
A soft, but substantial enough breeze rolled past them, tossing Rey's partially free hair into her face. As she swatted the tendrils away, she said, "A bunch of different medical books Kalonia let him borrow." She rolled her eyes. "Even when I'm not training, he's reading them and making notes. It's getting kind of annoying, actually."
"Why is he taking notes?"
"No idea. Maybe he wants to quiz himself later." Rey finished the new power pack on the pistol before switching back to the rifle.
Finn crossed his arms, resting his rear on the edge of the weapons stand. "He likes stuff like that then? Science and medicine?"
Rey chuckled softly. "He loves stuff like that. He was planning on being a doctor, but after being sent to Skywalker's academy, that dream died."
Now Finn started to become truly curious. "When was he sent there?"
"Sometime after turning thirteen." Rey blinked and focused on his face, like she was trying to figure out his intentions. "Are you actually interested in hearing about his life?"
"I kinda am." Take out the kinda. "It's weird to hear that Kylo Ren was once a normal person."
"I wouldn't say normal, but he wanted to be. He still wants to be…." She lifted and aimed the blaster rifle like Finn had taught her and basically obliterated the targets. All the while Finn remained still, chewing the inside of his cheek. He just couldn't picture a young Kylo Ren who wanted to be a physician and help people. It was like the moon trying to be the sun; it was against the laws of nature. Ren's ruthlessness and indifference wasn't just a personality defect, but a physical limb that had done people real harm.
Example: his mechanized back.
With all that aside, Rey somehow saw something different in the guy.
"How are you and him doing?" Finn asked over the blaster fire.
Rey stopped the dispersion of bolts and lowered the weapon. "Are you asking to be polite or do you really want to know?"
Well, he didn't want to know everything. "I just want to make sure he's treating you well."
"He is." Finn questioned her with his stare. "Honestly, Finn." Even as she said it, he sensed she was holding something back.
"He can't be an easy person to be with," Finn speculated.
"Well, no, he's not."
He went to her and grabbed the rifle from her hands, placing it back with the other weapons. "I don't want you to get stressed out over all his problems. A guy like that has a lot of baggage and it's not your responsibility to take care of him."
"We take care of each other, and I don't feel stressed."
"You sure?"
Rey scratched her arm again, this time more vigorously. "Yes. I mean, he's been acting kind of strange lately, but it's nothing alarming."
It alarmed Finn. "Strange how?"
"Acting distant at times, getting lost in his thoughts – that sort of thing. But really, I'm not that worried about it," Rey said, trying to act like it wasn't a big deal.
"Okay. But if anything ever happens, you can talk to me about it."
Rey became confused. "I thought you hated him."
"Oh, I do," Finn said. "But I don't hate you."
Rey's scratching was starting to leaved bright red streaks on her skin. As she dug in harder, Finn was sure she was going to draw blood. "Are you okay? You keep scratching your arm."
Rey winced as she switched over to rubbing the abused area. "It feels like it's burning."
Finn took her forearm, inspecting the now swollen area. "Are you having a muscle cramp? Maybe you were shooting too much –"
"No, I've had those before. This is different." Rey's head suddenly snapped to the base, her eyes full of concern. "I need to find Ben," was all she said before sprinting away at a dead run. Finn scurried after her, keeping up with her furious pace as they darted and weaved through the throngs of people.
Once in the right hallway, Rey burst into Ren's room and frantically looked around. "Ben!" she called out, her heavy panting reverberating off the hard walls. The room was empty and Finn was about to tell her they should see if he's in the mess hall when she darted for the refresher, her lithe body rushing through the open door.
Ren was passed out on the floor, his right arm cut open and bleeding, a small pool of blood slowly making its way to the toilet base. While Rey attempted to wake him, Finn knelt down and inspected a string of medical supplies next to his knee: a used syringe, a thin scalpel, and a pair of long tweezers, drenched red.
What the hell was he –
Something reflected next to the puddle of blood, catching Finn's eye. It was so small, it took a few tries before his thick fingers could pick up the thing. Holding it up close, he was able to see that it was metal and rectangular; something that wouldn't be important if it was just randomly on the floor, but Finn figured nothing in the washroom was here by happenstance.
Ren started to moan as Rey covered the wound with her palm, healing the incision completely so all that was left was red-tinted skin.
"Ben?" Rey grabbed his face and he sluggishly opened his eyes. His confusion at seeing her was very evident, but was replaced as he shot upright and glanced wildly around, like he'd just awoken from a nightmare.
"What the hell is all this?" Rey fanned out her arms toward the medical supplies. "What have you been doing?"
Finn held the small tracker in his palm, showing Rey. "I think it has something to do with this."
Rey eyed it. "Is this...?"
"Yes," Ren said, his voice as smooth as gravel. The guy's sallow lips quivered and his breaths intensified, making Finn think he might pass out again. But instead, Ren plucked the chip from his palm and scrutinized it with pride.
"You're kidding me," Rey flatly said. "You went through all this trouble so you could get that chip out of your arm? Are you insane? You could've seriously hurt yourself!"
Ren eyed a small notebook to his left, red fingerprints littering the white pages. Finn thought it weird the guy had used such archaic means to jot down notes, but then he remembered Ren wasn't allowed a datapad – his options had been limited.
"I knew what I was doing."
Rey picked up the pad, flipping through the stained writing. "This is what you've been doing during my training sessions? You've been reading those medical books and planning this?" she irritably asked, waving the notebook in the air.
Ren swallowed a few times and licked his lips, his eyes trying to remain focused. "Given how it was placed under my ulnar artery, I wanted to be prepared." Outstretching his hand to Rey's face, she dodged his outward affection and evaded the wet patch of blood as she parked herself on the closed toilet seat.
Resting his head against the washroom wall, Kylo kept his eyes locked on Rey's angered face. "I numbed the area as much as I could and concentrated on really blocking our connection as I went. Did you… feel anything? I'm sorry if –"
"All I felt was a slight burning, but it was more annoying than painful," Rey spat out.
Ren let out a relieved breath. "Good. I… was worried that you'd really feel it."
Rey motioned around. "Why do it at all? If the council finds out –"
"I couldn't let them have complete control over me. An ounce of freedom is worth the risk."
"Why didn't you heal yourself?"
Ren glanced down and ran his fingers along the now healed skin. "I was planning on it, but the process was slow and more painful than I anticipated. I blacked out right as I removed the chip."
"You're unbelievable," she breathed out. Neither of them looked away from each other as the cozy washroom fell into silence.
Feeling out of place and very uncomfortable, Finn stood, catching their attention. "I should get going."
"What?" Rey shot up. "I thought we were going to watch some holo-films after shooting practice."
Finn was momentarily speechless before saying, "You still want to do that?"
"Why wouldn't I?"
He glanced down at Kylo and then back up at Rey. "I just thought you'd want to stay here… with him. To make sure he's all right."
"I'll be fine," Ren assured her as Rey turned around toward him. "You had the whole day planned out; you should go enjoy it."
Rey chewed her lip before addressing Finn. "I'll meet you at your room in twenty. I'm gonna help clean up." Ren tried to protest, but from the stern look shot his way, he gave up pretty quickly.
"Yeah. Sounds good." Finn remained in the refresher for an awkward second before exiting and making his way out of the room.
"Finn," Rey called out, her head peering out of the washroom as Finn glanced over his shoulder. "Congratulations again. I'm proud of you for what you've been doing with the stormtroopers."
For some reason, Finn thought of the family he never knew. What would they think of him if they could see him now? Would they be happy? Would they be proud of him for joining a righteous cause?
Guess he'll never know.
But staring at Rey and seeing how incandescently proud she was of him proved that family was not just about blood, but of having respect and joy in each others lives.
Finn played through the beginning of the journey they'd taken together. Through those trying couple of days, Rey had seen his potential, had seen the endless possibilities for his life. And through her eyes, he started to see himself the same way. As someone who mattered. As someone who could make a difference in this galaxy.
Those days bonded them together for life, because when you find out who you are from somebody else, your loyalty becomes everlasting. No one, not even Kylo, could take away the friendship they had forged as they fought for their lives against him and the First Order. Ironically, battling Kylo had brought Rey and him closer, because they both were trying to protect the other while under impossible circumstances.
Maybe he should thank the bastard.
Okay… you're taking it a little too far, Finn. Simmer down there.
He conveyed all his thoughts and feelings in one small and simple smile. "Thanks Rey."
She grinned back. "And about the chip –"
"I won't say anything. Promise." Rey let out a relieved breath and closed her eyes briefly. Even though it made Finn uncomfortable knowing that tracker was out of Ren's arm, he knew Rey would be sufficient enough in keeping the guy in check.
Hopefully.
"I'll see you in twenty," Finn said and Rey nodded her goodbye. As he left and Rey went back into the refresher, her voice boomed so loudly, he could hear it out in the hallway. She was mad and Finn was thankful for not being at the receiving end of her anger.
But thinking about who was, Finn smiled. He couldn't help it.
()()()()()
Poe stood at the bottom left fusial thrust engine of his T-70 X-wing starfighter, his hands and eyes going over a basic inspection of each and every mechanism while BB-8 stayed off to the side. The electromagnetic gyros were steady, the ionization chamber clean, and the S-foils – wait a minute. Poe took a closer look at the metal, coiled rod, seeing a very small and subtle crack. Shaking his head, he grabbed the compact blowtorch and lowered the tinted visor, making good work at welding it closed.
Man, he had a feeling that he'd pushed his precious T-70 too far during those practice flights today. But after Joph bragged that he could maneuver between the nearby mountains in under three minutes, Poe had to prove he could do it faster.
And prove it he had…. By flying the course in two minutes, twelve seconds.
Beat that, Joph.
Poe was gonna have to watch out for that Terr fellow, though. The guy was an exceptionally skilled pilot and had made the run in two minutes, twenty-one seconds – way too close to Poe's time for comfort.
The crack on the coil sure did explain the overheating while flying. With the S-foil weakened, Poe was surprised the engine hadn't blown. But that's what he got for skipping yesterday's inspection to stalk Jess. Well, he wasn't really stalking her. He was just following her around without her knowing until she was alone and he could corner her and talk –
Okay… it was stalking. But with good intentions. He wasn't a weirdo… right?
Putting his inner argument of whether or not he was being a creeper aside, Poe was reminded how he'd gotten nowhere with Jess over the last few days. It was like she knew what he was up to, somehow making herself extremely scarce and hard to find. The few times he found her alone, she brushed him off with offensive efficiency and completely ignored him.
For Force sake, he had to find out from Snap that she asked to be transferred to a different squadron. Not even all the credits he'd won from accurately betting when Ren would destroy something could put him in a good mood. And he had won a shipload of money from that mess hall fiasco.
Poe quickly prayed Ren never found out that he was currently at the center of all the bets on the base. Thinking about first meal, Poe had been so close to predicting how many servings Ren would eat that morning.
Why didn't the guy go for six? He went for six yesterday!
With the S-foil repaired, he removed the eye protection and placed the torch back on his utility belt, then rubbed the back of his tight neck. Glancing around the barren hangar, it was obvious he needed to leave and get some shuteye. Everyone else had been smart enough to toss in the towel and call it a night, but when Poe got anxious, he liked to either fly or work with his hands – which usually involved either mechanics or some womanly company.
"So you and Connix never happened?" he recalled Jess saying.
Poe internally groaned. That hookup happened months ago on a night Poe had been feeling extremely lonely, and the fact that it was the anniversary of his mother's death didn't help his judgment any. Nor did being perceptive as to how Connix checked him out every time he was near. Poe had a radar for that kind of thing.
By no means was he a real stunner of a man, but he knew how to flirt and knew how to put on the charm. That part of him always came naturally.
He was never like that with Jess, though. So why did she like him? It was confounding, to say the least.
Quick movement came into Poe's periphery, making him turn his head. Ren was sauntering through the hangar, eyesight straight ahead and walking like he would break every one of your fingers if you tried talking to him.
"Ren!" Poe called out, deciding that his fingers should be safe. Mostly.
The burly man halted and glanced at Poe, making a course correction to come over. Poe opened his palm, ready to do the usual greet between men: hands clasping, back patting in a half hug. But then he remembered Ren didn't like to be touched and they've never actually greeted each other in that manner.
"Working on your X-wing?" Ren asked, his eyes inspecting the engine Poe had been repairing.
Poe patted the sturdy ship. "Yup. Gotta keep this baby up and running."
"Don't you have mechanics for that?"
"Well, yeah, but this ship happens to be particularly special to me. It's the one I flew when I blew up that oscillator and made–" Poe cut off his running mouth, his eyes going slightly wide as he realized to whom he was talking to.
But Ren caught on pretty quick. "This ship was the one that caused Starkiller to implode?"
Poe nodded.
Now the guy was really scrutinizing the exposed engine, his eyes jumping between the turbo impeller, the coolant feeds, and the newly repaired S-foil. Poe couldn't tell if Ren was impressed or disgusted and he was too afraid to ask, so he settled on a sharp change of subject.
"So… I've heard from a reliable source that you've been acting stranger than normal lately." Ren's eyebrows rose. "You wanna fill me in on what's going on?"
"Nothing is going on and who told you that?"
Poe picked at his nails showily. "I can't reveal my sources or –"
"The trooper told you."
Poe stepped back in surprise. "Geez, man. Did you read my mind? You gotta stop doing that."
"I don't need to. Your reaction more than gave me the answer." Sly bastard. "Now I want to know who he heard it from."
"Who do ya think?"
Ren frowned. "Rey?"
"Uh, yeah." Ren's jaw slackened at the new information. "What? Did you expect Rey to never talk about you to her closest friend? It's what girls do. They have to talk through their feelings with someone else. But hey, at least she didn't tell him you two are sleeping together," Poe added as he breathed out a succession of laughs. "Could you imagine the look on Finn's face if she told him that?"
…"But all we do is sleep."
"Uh huh. All you do is sleep," Poe mumbled and rolled his eyes. "Right." He started chuckling, but stopped after Ren's blank stare didn't change. "Wait. All you do is sleep?" Ren nodded. "You're joking? You're not joking. I thought I sensed a joke… or a euphemism."
"That's a big word for your small vocabulary."
"Ha. Ha." Poe walked over to the tool cart near the front of the ship, unbuckling his utility belt and placing it on top. Taking out the tools, he put them back in their respectable drawers, every now and then glancing back to see Ren giving the engine a hard stare.
"You're trying to figure out what Rey told Finn, huh?" Poe asked, shutting the lowest drawer before heading back over. "Have you asked her lately if there's anything wrong?"
"Yes, but she tells me nothing's wrong."
Poe grabbed the cloth covering the centrifugal reaction fusion and started cleaning off his oily hands. "Let me give you a little lesson: When a woman says nothing's wrong, everything's wrong. When she says everything's wrong, everything's wrong. Really, I'm surprised I have to explain this to you."
Ren rubbed his jaw, still seeming perplexed. "Maybe I should go talk to her…."
"Probably should." Poe swung the rag over his shoulder, and then started popping his knuckles to ease the achy joints. He was only thirty-two, but some days, he felt like he was eighty. This war was slowly stealing his youth, unfortunately. "So… have you seen Jess around?"
"No. You?"
"Not much."
Rearranging his weight, Ren shyly asked, "How is the girl doing?"
Poe almost glared at the guy. "The girl has a name and it's Jess. Do you have a problem with using people's names?"
"Names tend to humanize."
... what? "Have you always been this heartless?"
"Yes."
Poe rapidly blinked and shook his head. "Man, sometimes I wonder why I even associate with you."
"That makes two of us," Ren grumbled, glancing down at his boots. "So, do you know how… Jess is doing?" He pushed the question.
Poe's dark brows rose. "Do you actually care?"
"Maybe."
Leaning this way and that, Poe's pupils wandered around the many ships on display, realizing he should take this opportunity to get the information he's been wanting to know. "She won't tell me what happened to her… and I was kind of hoping you would, to be honest."
"I don't know all the details. I have no idea how she ended up there."
As much as Poe wanted those specifics, he'd settle for what he could get. "But you know what you saw in those caves, and I want to know how she got out of there."
Ren ground his jaw, the hollows under his cheeks sharply standing out from annoyance. "You shouldn't pester her for that information, you know."
"So how about you tell me, and then I won't have to ask her."
Ren went deep in thought while looking around the almost deserted hangar. The guy seemed to be bracing for something.
And Poe quickly understood why. The story was difficult to listen to, especially when hearing that Jess had been locked up in a cage. Poe never considered himself a vengeful person, but he sure as hell was not mourning over all the men that ended up dead in that cavern. Would he had gone as far as slaughtering them all? Probably not, but he could understand why Ren lost his shit over it. He really could.
"That's..." Poe swallowed and swiped his hand through his dark hair. "That's quite a story. You know... I don't blame you for killing all those men."
Ren inhaled deeply and murmured, "The thing is... while I was on the rampage... I accidentally killed one of the women. I don't even remember doing it, but I know a lightsaber wound when I see one. So, yeah… by murdering all those people, I murdered one of the slaves. I used to tell myself it was worth it, but I never, truly believed that. That woman was the first innocent being I ever killed." His eyes lost focus.
The remorse in the guys eyes was something new and shocking, but at the same time comforting. It was good to see that he wasn't completely unemotional.
"Well… I'm not sure what to say to that," Poe said roughly as he realized he didn't blame Ren for accidentally killing that woman either. Did that make him a monster as well? Mistakes do happen.
"Neither do I," Ren said, his pupils concentrating back on Poe's troubled expression. "Are you still going to accost the girl with your questions?"
This guy needs a lesson on how to use names. "You mean Jess. And her and I have some things we still need to talk about that has nothing to do with that."
Ren gazed at him. Hard. Like in a way that was awkward and – "She confessed her feelings for you?" Ren said, horrified, looking like he'd just seen a monster. Where was a mirror when you needed one?
Poe raised his hands, becoming flustered. "Okay, now I'm pretty damn sure you read my mind for that one. No way you guessed that."
"Your thoughts were pretty easy to pick up on. So… the girl likes you?"
Frustrated, Poe pinched his eyes between his forefinger and thumb, letting out a deep breath. "For the thousandth time her name is Jess and yes, she's into me. And why do you seem troubled by that? You don't think women like me?"
"Oh, I'm sure plenty of women like you, but you shouldn't pursue anything with her, specifically."
"Why not?"
"She'd probably want a stable relationship."
Poe held up his index finger, all hold-it. "You think I can't do stable?"
"No," Ren said, face remote.
"Why not?" Poe asked, yet again.
"Your flippancy when it comes to your rendezvous with the women on base, comes to mind." Ren delivered that line with about as much tact as a four-year-old – which was zero.
As Poe faced off at him, his face was drawn in lines of tight irritation. "Where the hell do you get your information?"
The same place Jess did?
Ren tapped his temple. "I can hear thoughts, remember? I pick up a lot while walking around this cesspool."
For the most part, Poe had been nice and cordial to ever single person on this base. Sure, every once in a while he ran into your run-of-the-mill hothead, but other than that, he rarely argued with anyone. People knew him to be easy going, but stern when he had to be, and they respected him for it. But when did they start thinking of him as loose and slutty? And was he really a topic of gossip around here?
And why was this bothering him so much?
"You know what?" Poe rhetorically asked, exasperated. "I can't believe you, of all people, are judging me. I give your relationship with Rey another week before it explodes in your face, cause with how fucked your head is, you're bound to screw it up."
Ren ground his molars and glared. "I thought people appreciate honesty –"
Poe's anger pushed him to get in the guys face, and to Ren's credit, he didn't back down. "No, they don't. People appreciate when you help them feel good about themselves. So how about you stop being a droid and start acting like a normal person who lies to spare someone's feelings."
Poe backed off so he could close up the engine and lock the latch. Before storming off, he turned back around, his voice harsh and jagged. "Oh, and do me a favor: the next time you lose your mind, don't go looking for it."
As tempting as it was to punch the guy, Poe wasn't stupid enough to do it. This anger over other people's perception of him felt like something larger than his own life. Something out of character and wildly destructive. Man, he could really use an outlet, and destroying something sounded pretty damn good at the moment.
No wonder Ren destroys shit. It's either that or seriously hurt somebody.
Oh wait. He murders people for a living.
Shit, Poe thought. I really need to rethink who I have as friends.
A/N
This chapter was a Finn and Poe chapter, with a little bit of Reylo thrown in. I really enjoyed writing different pov's that aren't Ren or Rey, because it forces me to branch out and think differently. And,as you know, the next chapter is done... so would anyone like a little sneak peak? Anyone? Oh, you would? Well, I guess I'll oblige!
Excerpt from Chapter Thirty:
If he hadn't gone through the last few weeks, if he had never met Rey, if he'd never started to accept the light that waited dormant in his soul, maybe he wouldn't have lost all the feeling in his legs. Maybe he would have had the strength to keep standing… but his knees buckled and he fell to the cool ground, disappearing behind the sofa.
He wept in great, heaving gags, his tears hot and salty as they ran over his lips, his hands shielding him from the outside world. He was keenly aware of arms bringing him down into an embrace, laying his torso across a lap that felt viciously familiar. Clutching onto the arms around him, he wailed for the evil he'd done, knowing that such concepts were no longer a perception, but lived within him.
Small hands stroked his hair, reminding him of the times his mother soothed him through those early nightmares, trying to help him fall back asleep. That little boy… he had no idea what awaited him in the future.
Things can always change in this excerpt, but I'm pretty sure it will remain the same. Anyway, please let me know what you thought of the chapter! You excited for the next one? What do you think is going on in the excerpt?