A/N now into season 3 though you'll have to forgive me though there is a pronunciation of the 'f' word as brief as it is i thought i'd warn ya, anyway stay tuned for the end Authors note
Darkmount NV, ill-fated souls
A flash of green and he was gone and instead everything was dark, i didn't know where we were but i don't care, "go back! You can't just leave him!" i yelled at him as the bridge was still open.
"And what do you intend we do?!" he yelled back.
"Something! He'll die if we don't help him!" I said attempting to pull myself out of his grip.
"He puts others before himself, no matter what you say or do he intends to stand alone." He said as the bridge closed and that was all i took take.
"P-Please, h-he'll die." I started to weep. "p-please Ratch i know your still hurt about your planet but don't abandon him because of that decision, if anything blame me, if you guys never met us he wouldn't have had to make the choice of saving Earth...i can't lose anyone else, i can't...i can't bare it, I'm too...weak." I said bowing my head, "just put me down!" i snapped as he did so without being told twice, i ran just to be away from him, i knelt down as i looked at a plant for no particular reason i just didn't know what to do, "o-oh God." I hissed holding my head with both hands squeezing it to make it go away, w-what is this? It hurt, no not physically, i felt as though my whole world came apart in an instant...i-it doesn't mean...no don't, it can't! Fuck you it's not true! "It hurts...it hurts!" i screamed.
"What's wrong?!" Ratchet called.
i-i felt my eyes w-well up a-and my lip q-quiver but it made me angry as i started hitting the ground constantly... "You have power, you have a ship, you have an entire army! What more do you want!? Just leave him alone!" there's was this feeling a constant anger that wouldn't subside, i sneered slightly as i bare my teeth, everything Dad taught me about revenge, about malice about murder, i couldn't recollect any of it at that time "I'll kill them."
"S-Stop speaking nonsense" Ratchet then started as he approached me closer though he had no idea what i was going through.
"Get away from me!" i snapped putting myself a further distance away from him.
"You think i want this?" he said. "More death and destruction?"
"Well it's not on Cybertron! It's here! On my planet my home!" i snapped at him as i whipped my whole body around and started to speed walk in a general direction aimlessly.
"Where are you going?" he asked.
"To!" i snapped, "T-To..." i said much more quietly as my walking began to slow down. "i...don't know..." i said in a small voice wrapping my arms around me for some kind of comfort.
Ratchet sighed, "we do not know if he is truly...o-one, with the Allspark."
"Don't you say that! Do not ever mention that place!" i roared. "A-A place i can't reach you..." i quickly retreated back into myself.
He wearily sighed again as he pinched the bridge of his nose, "fine i won't, but right now i need ensure your survival." He said.
"Why?" I growled.
"Because i promised him i would!" He snapped as my expression softened, just the mere reference to him made me completely vulnerable "Perhaps then someone will come to us be it human or bot you go with them." He said in a no nonsense manner.
"Didn't he mention that we all need to survive?"
He didn't answer.
My eyes darted around the floor and after...everything i finally broke down as i fell to my knees, i tried to hold everything that was so weak of me but i couldn't, "i'm so tired of him taking all this on his own, why does he always suffer? Why must we all suffer? Why does Megatron inevitably ALWAYS win!? Why?!"
"It seems we were never going to win this War...but Megatron will pay, one day...i hope Primus himself strikes him down..." He said wearily.
"When?! When?! How many worlds does Megatron have to get through before we can say that this is enough?! That we won't tolerate this anymore!?" i said.
"I...don't know." he said unhopefully as my face dropped. "But that doesn't matter anymore..."
Then i just...i mean he...i-i'm sorry i can't...i can't do this anymore, i can't.
3rd person POV
Ellen held her head as she fell she sat there as she had a blowout of emotions, "h-he's dead, or near it or-or, w-where is this?! Where are we?!" she demanded kicking up dirt looking about she realised it was night-time as she wasn't paying attention.
"I only see trees i'm guessing a forest." He said flatly.
She didn't catch his comment as she bowed her head, "i couldn't help him, i couldn't do anything..." she started as she hit the muddy ground with her fist. "I wasn't, i wasn't strong enough, i wasn't strong enough!" she hit the ground again as she made her cloths brown with mud and grass.
Ratchet walked up to her, "Ellen, we were all never strong enough." He gently hissed.
"Exactly!" she spat with a demonic tone, "i wish i could just-just tear those cons apart" she growled cupping her hands that much so her fingernails broke the skin.
"Don't say such things, this isn't you." He said though he looked at her warily as she kept pinching the skin on her arm.
She ignored him as her head was bowed and her body swaying, "I'd sure like to do that to Megatron, watch his processor spill out of his head, drain the tainted energon from his form" she continued quietly to herself.
Ratchet slightly shivered to how completely changed her tone was, it was a hissing sound of tone but sounded hoarse, "W-What are you rambling about?" he questioned furrowing his brow.
"Spit on his sparking corpse." She let a slight grin escaped her.
"Stop this now!" Ratchet cried as she snapped out of the strange state she was in, she turned her head slightly to acknowledge him, under her eyes were darkened circles as if she hadn't slept for days, he knelt beside her as she let out a slightly frustrated growl as a warning "don't give into madness, of all things" he wearily pleaded as he put his hand out in front of him.
"Don't you dare touch me." She growled.
but he took a grab for her despite the obvious protest and forced her to stay in his grip, he held her against his torso as she made an animal like attempt at breaking free, even managed to get her right arm out and started taking huge whacks against Ratchets side he winced slightly as she was causing physical pain as his armour started to crack, "I-Its alright." He said holding her tighter and dealing with the slight mesh sting, "it's alright to cry." He told her grievingly.
"put me down!" she screamed though he held her close firmly against him as he shut his optics, she screamed and struggled kicking, she cursed him and continued to fight him nonstop for seventeen minutes, "l-let me go." She said wearily and her anger and frustration turned to stuttered breathing as she looked to one side, "i-i couldn't..." she stuttered as Ratchet looked down on her, her head still hiding her face though he could hear light sobs, "i-i couldn't stop it, i couldn't stop it..." she said pouring her heart out as she lent her head into Ratchets armour. "I can't stop this s-sorrow."
He brought her back down as he laid a hand on her shoulder, "Don't even try, all is lost so there's no need to be strong."
She looked to him with widened eyes she couldn't believe what she was hearing from him but at the same time in her vulnerable state she took in his words, "Pl-Please don't be dead, please-please, i can't...i can't face death like that again."
"You can't escape death; neither of us can no matter where we are." Ratchet continued.
"I fear It." she said generally frightened, "i moved on when my human Father died, sure i was only a kid, and he was there b-but now when i understand now, i am petrified of losing him." She cried some more, "i, need him, i wish-i wish i had not been so, so bitter with you guys leaving, i should've just went with him i should've done more, maybe then he may not have come to the decision of..."
"That's enough." He sternly said. "Now don't think of vengeance, it's not what he would want, i want it for myself sure but we wouldn't want you to." He then shook his head to himself, "the plague of War continues to spread..."
She then mumbled to herself as she stuttered in conflict of her own emotions, "Ratchet, d-did you know i loved him?" She made choking sounds struggling on her own words as he nodded, "I, do, i do! A-And i never said it enough, only in desperate times, when he fell ill, when he was lost to us..." she shut her eyes as she let tears stream. "I-I i'm s-sorry, as much as i try, i can't pull myself together."
"There's nothing to be sorry for. And with the time we have i'm sorry, well...it's all pointless now really."
She sniffed. "You were, anxious of the news, i was afraid and...and, Ratchet what if he's dead?!" she hollered.
He looked at her for a long moment before answering and shook his bowed head, "i don't know what to tell you, i can't reassure you with false hope." He said wearily.
She then shot her head up, "b-but i know this, we need to go back." She said in a small voice though she questioned that line herself as she wasn't sure if that was the right response.
"No, he asked me to look after you, but, but i'm in no fit state to do so..." he stated looking to the sky, "eventually we will be found..." He added looking on ahead as he had found an objective.
She thought for a moment as she held her head as with every time her mind was blank, "Urgh, i can't-i can't think straight, w-which road to take, where anyone is..."
"Ellen, it's over." He said as she tilted her head utterly confused by what he meant, "right now you need to focus on survival, understand?" he said.
She looked at him with widened eyes almost innocent like a young child's eyes, she then bowed her head solemnly trying to hold back the angst, "i, can't mourn him." She said "on the battlefield comrades can die, friends, family..." she quoted trailing off.
He nodded, "it's the only way you can survive, and you know that if you are not thinking straight it will lead to your own death."
She tried to accept this, really she did. "I-It's so hard; you can prepare yourself for almost anything but, to face it for real, i-i thought I'd be able to..." She admitted.
"I know, oh Primus i know." he said lightly as he turned and started to walk, she followed blindly as she rubbed her face with a hand.
Though she started to wonder what Ratchet meant before, "it-it can't be over, i don't understand what you meant by that?" she said.
"When i mean it's over i mean, our world, your world, the Autobots...over." he said looking out in front of him focused on one thing it seems.
Ellen squinted her eyes slightly trying to force some kind of thinking thought out of herself, "but, we escaped th-the others escaped w-we lost a base, but we're still alive." She said weakly.
Ratchet didn't answer as in front something caught his optics as he speeded up his walking, Ellen tried her best to keep up as they came across a tall wired fence, Ratchet took a step over as Ellen just looked upon it, "R-Ratchet, i don't seem to have the strength to..." she started shamefully.
Ratchet never commented on that and merely picked her up as he got her over, "there." He said.
Ratchet then noticed an RV just on the outskirts, a small blaze of a weak fire resided as a man stood there with something in his mouth a bun or something as he stood there frozen, he then dropped the bun out of his mouth as he hopped back to his RV, "Jean! Jean! Get the camera!"
"What?! What's going on?! I've told you if you think you've found Bigfoot i swear to..."
"J-Just stay inside!" he said throwing himself inside, as Ellen turned frozen herself watching the man barrel roll back out with his camera a series of clicking's were heard, "stupid flash!" the man complained whacking the object.
Ratchet slightly sneered at the man as he deployed a weapon in his direction, "perfect." He said.
"R-Ratchet! What are you doing?!" Ellen cried.
Then a woman in a dressing gown came out, "you're not bringing that dirt in AH! AH! AH!" she screamed crawling back into the RV as moments later engine noise was heard, "John! Get in here nowwwww!" she screamed revving the hell out of the RV.
The man dived back inside as he must've took about 30 shots, then with allot of mud kicking up the RV was gone, Ellen merely blinked as she couldn't even bring herself to comment, she looked around as even with the darkness she didn't need to know what those stacks of cars were, "a junkyard?" she said as Ratchet wandered aimlessly towards a certain area, then without warning transformed and parked himself up.
"Wha-What are you doing?"
"I've found my resting place, but you; i'm sure that conspiracy nut human will serve a purpose...i'm sure Raphael will find us that way, he is resourceful that way..."
"Raf?" she said eyes glowing, "B-But that's a two way system right? What if the Cons find it before Raf?" she said.
"It's a huge risk on my part, but..."
"You still have some faith then?" she said producing a weak smile.
"I know his abilities...that's not faith." He corrected simply.
"Raf, Jack, Miko..." she trailed off as she gave a hard nod, "they'll be alright I'm not worried, w-well i am but that's just me being me." She said with no tone of emotion. "But i wish i could see them for myself." She then gripped her jacket, "i feel like a wandering body, I've expressed that much emotion that i can't anymore, i-i'm tired of it."
"I have felt that, many times, especially during the fall of Cybertron." he said. She wiped her face of any tears as she clenched her eyes trying to rid herself of the soreness that followed. "The Decepticons have already made themselves known to this planet."
"Then with the Omega Lock gone and Cybertron being dead, he is now claiming his constellation prize, if he can't have Cybertron, then he will merely conquer another world." She said. "But he's not going to have this world." She stated. "Ratchet. Come on let's get rolling already."
"I've told you I'm not going." He said.
She sighed as she frustrated a growl if she's going to get any reassurance it's going to be from herself as she lent against his hood, distracting herself as well as Ratchet she begun to speak of things she didn't really voice out loud mainly because of how dumb it sounded but now it provided comfort idealism like this, "you know Ratch all those other Cybertronians could come here." She said tiredly, "You know what I've always imagined? A Cybertronian and his partnered human, co-existence you know? i think allot more would be accomplished that way, but of course that doesn't exactly mean it will be a peaceful co-existence heh, silly dreams of a naive teenager i know but, they'll have a home and i know Earth isn't Cybertron but i think it's alright." She said closing her eyes.
"I never knew you thought of such things." He said generally intrigued.
"Just fantasies really, you know things that you think about that lead into such things?"
"Yes. Maybe i had similar thoughts that lasted a nano click." He grumped.
She folded her arms as she started to feel the cold, "Ratchet?"
"Yes?"
"I'm, out of ideas." she said with slurred speech. "I-I don't know what to do, i knew what i had to do when he was with the Cons, because there was options, a logical source, possibility, but now I've never felt so dismayed." She sobbed quietly to herself, "i-i didn't even make up with him, not really."
"You don't have to; he knows you were just frightened." He said. "Now, Get in the passenger seat, the temperature out here is almost below zero."
She did just that, like a machine that was given a direct order, "Since the Decepticons invaded Jasper you can't deny that we're adults now." she said having a hard time having her eyes open but neither could she close them.
"Yes but 'physically' you still need rest." He said. "You should do that yourself, you'll need all the rest you can get now as the days..."
"Ratchet, don't screw around with me." She hissed.
"We both know it, your planet is lost, stop denying this." He said continuing his realism.
She frowned at his words he was trying to confuse her, "N-No, we-we...stop talking like this!"
"You cannot think straight as it is, nor are you functioning anyway, you've turned ill."
"I am not ill! I-I I'm just, not thinking straight i-i can't..."
"Exactly, hope is lost! You should just go underground and live out your years a-and take the other children with you." He said.
She held her head, "just shut up, your just messing with my head! Y-You're the one who's lost it!" she said getting out of his cab.
"No? What have we got?" He said.
"Nothing! Alright i get it, but everything starts from nothing, we'll just-we'll just start again!" she hollered.
"Look..."
"Be quiet!" she snapped. "L-Let me think." she added pacing up and down, "Okay, so now...we..." she stopped as she squeezed a hand on her head, "we-we..." she the slapped her head. "Rendezvous back to Jasper!" she said clicking her fingers, "Thank the deities I'm not completely brain dead." She then reached into her pocket as a way of celebrating that fact but as she did her heart almost stopped, her eyes widened with a hopeful expression, as she panted slightly relieved, "M-My phone." She said clutching the object tightly, "My phone!" she exclaimed as started pressing buttons at a fast rate.
"S-STOP!" Ratchet cried.
"W-What?"
"What, were, you, doing?" he asked.
"I-I was, going to try and rin..." she then halted as a flash of horror fell over her face, "Oh God, i was going to contact someone, i just-i just..."
"Oh Ellen." He said with slight sound of sympathy in his voice.
She ran her fingers through her hair as she gritted her teeth "I've even lost common sense, what's wrong with me? I can't think, i can't function." She said. "I-I'm like a bridge that lost its pillar..."
"Get back in your seat; you need to be still for at least a moment." He grumbled.
She snapped her phone shut as she stared at it for a moment, "one phone call away, that's all it takes..." she then shut her eyes tightly as she forced her phone back into her pocket, she made her way into the passenger seat again as she lent into the steering wheel. "Ratchet, i need to speak freely, i know Dad wouldn't approve of me saying something like this but..."
"if you didn't i would think that something was wrong with you." He said.
"I want them dead." She said flatly.
Ratchet was silent for a while before answering, "Your right he wouldn't approve of you saying that, but we have all felt that way, even though we shouldn't really say it but it can't be helped, there's just so much...restraint you can have."
She nodded as she put a hand around her back; she grabbed the strap of her back pack as she draped it over into her lap. It was covered in little doodles and people's names, her eyes glanced over the back pack as she started digging through she packed it full, it was a bag she added to, anything she found to be useful somehow or maybe just random items, she would put it in the bag and as a result forgets sometimes what's in there altogether, she started to name some of the items out loud to distract herself, "when we were leaving base i had to grab this, it's like a journal...hmm, a grappling hook? Its pretty old, some of the things i put in here is sometimes junk." She then let a small gasp escape her, "i thought i lost this, a tamagotchi remember Ratch? It was when i wanted a Dinosaur so you got me this; i think it annoyed you more than anything."
"Rephrase, i did not get you that thing." He protested.
She ignored his comment as she continued to dig her fingers in, "typical, so that's where i would hide those fruit and fiber bars. Well they might come in handy now, let's see, a Swiss army knife? That should come in handy if not a little crude, waterproofs, and hiking boots? Hmmm." She then said taking hold of something she was unfamiliar with.
"What?" he asked out of curiosity.
"Nothing." She simply said as she unveiled the object whilst it still lying in her bag, "i shouldn't have this in here...h-how did it get here?" she thought grimly though she trailed a finger down the said object, "i remember that birthday..."
Ratchet noticed she had been silent for a while as well as the slight rattle from her bag, "what have you found?" he asked again.
"I've already said, nothing, just some photos." She said though not a lie, she did come across a few, some that she took with her when moving to Jasper, she straightened them out as they were slightly bent though she had many copies, she puffed a laugh at one in particular, "i caught you with a smile in this one and Arcee was allot more pinker...she never really liked the color it just came with the vehicle." She said.
Ratchet scoffed, "I'm trying to recharge."
She sighed as she lay back in the seat, "i can't seem to." She said tossing and turning as she looked at the photos of her friends, "I hope there alright" She said closing her eyes though they could not completely. She tried to think of something else, something to help her sleep, trying to think what to do when they were all found, options, but every thought just brought her back to him, what she felt before hit her hard and fast, she tried to think of the next day but she also couldn't help but want to...make someone...pay. Stuck in limbo she knew what she wanted to do, but she knew it was wrong and she had no idea how to get there but with what she's just found, well it's an idea that she's putting to one side for now...
A/N what ever is in Ellen's bag isn't any iacon relic or anything like that, also I'll be adding another one of 'Ellen's past' chapters further down the line, and if certain characters appear in the series i may make Ellen go 'solo' on a 'hunt' if you will but we'll see how it goes ;) y-yeah you don't want to get on Ellen's crazy side O_o next chapter Ellen won't be as 'depressed' its just Ratchet's 'encouraging' words that's setting her far more lower then intended.
so expect a new chapter every 2-3 weeks works been upped so free time is rare but Saturdays are the days that i most likely upload, 6-7pm UK time :D