For the next few days Marinette wasn't in school. The blow from losing Chat Noir and Tiki had just been too much, sending Marinette into a state of depression and silence. Out of worry for their daughter, Tom and Sabine had insisted that she stay home. Every chance they got, in between running th bakery, one or both of them would sit with her, keeping a close eye out for any change, good or bad. The time was spent with one sided conversations or forced companionable silence as Marinette sat, eyes unfocused as they stared at nothing.

The only things that had broken through her melancholy had been a visit from Alya the day after she lost everything - the bluenette had broken into hysterical sobs at seeing the loving and concerned face of her friend - and the nightmares that caused her to wake up screaming bloody murder that dissolved into panic-stricken and delirious whimpering as her parents wrapped her in their arms. They would rock her gently, sharing as much comfort and love as they possibly could, until she calmed back down.

Although she knew they scared her parents more than they would ever admit, Marinette never once voiced what her nightmares were about. She couldn't bring herself to admit to seeing Tiki being taken away from her, Marinette just a helpless civilian unable to do anything but watch in horror. And she definitely couldn't share the ones that showed Chat, his face bloodied, pale with death, or flashing with hurt and anger towards her.

If she kept silent maybe the dreams would turn out not to be true. Maybe they would eventually leave her alone, never to become a reality. Because truthfully Marinette was scared as well. She had always had insecurities but since she had been Ladybug and had Tiki and Chat in her life she had been able to keep them mostly quiet. Now that she had lost them both, her insecurities were rearing their ugly heads with the force of a raging dragon. Whispers of insufficiency, unworthiness, and incapability grew louder and louder the longer she was without her greatest cheerleaders and the more her nightmares plagued her.

Marinette just needed Chat Noir, whoever he was under the mask, and everything would be okay. If only she knew who he was! If only she hadn't been so stupid and insisted that they keep their identities a secret!

You did it to protect your friends and family, the logical part of her said.

Unfortunately it was quiet and weak, easily overpowered by the fears that kept multiplying by the second.

You idiot! they screamed. You refused him because you're scared. You're a coward. It's no wonder that you're no longer Ladybug! You're so weak you couldn't stop it from happening before you told him. Chat's going to hate you forever now. Not that he could ever love a girl like you.

"Hey Marinette."

Alya's soft voice broke through her thoughts and the girl almost cried in relief. She was suffocating in her mind, and while most of her was still numb and she'd never be able to share her demons, she was still grateful for the distraction and company.

"How are you doing?"

Marinette stared at her friend blankly. She was hearing the words but that was as far as they got. Nothing was comprehending.

"I brought you some food. It's nothing fancy, just some salad and spaghetti."

Alya set the plate in Marinette's lap. The girl just sat for a moment looking at it while Alya joined her on the floor in the middle of the room. While a lot of things had been worrisome about the young designer's recent behavior, eating had been one of them. Part really did not want to eat, having no desire to stay in her pain and suffering. Another part of her refused to allow her to give up. Whether it was because there was somehow hope that she'd see Chat again somewhere inside of her or because some sick, twisted part of her wanted to torture her by dragging out her misery, she didn't know. She just ate and by going so she eased some of the worry that had settled over those that loved her.

"I also brought your homework from this week. The teacher's said not to worry too much - that's why I decided to bring it now - but just in case you feel up to doing something…"

Marinette began slowly eating her food without a word. Alya sat in tense and uncomfortable silence, twisting and fiddling her fingers harshly as she tried to think of what else to say. Since she didn't know what was wrong with her best friend she wasn't sure what the safe topics were. Sure Marinette had hardly shown any emotion or reaction in the past few days but at any moment. Any possible topic could break through the walls and snap her. But any possible topic could also be what finally gave the ex-superhero the comfort she needed.

So Alya proceeded cautiously. "Everyone at school misses you. Adrien still isn't back to school yet either. Everyone's worried about him as well since no one has been able to find anything out. Not even Nino."

Alya nervously bit her lip as she watched Marinette continue to eat with no reaction. She had already said these things multiple times, considering it was now Saturday and Marinette had missed three days of school. But Alya kept hoping that something would change, especially at the mention of Adrien. Surely knowing that something was wrong with the boy she was obsessed with would ignite something in Marinette. But she stayed the same.

As for Marinette, she was hearing the name but that was all it was anymore. Just a name. After losing Chat, Adrien didn't seem that important anymore. If Marinette wasn't numb she probably would've laughed. All that time wasted pining over a guy she couldn't even talk to. It was almost hysterical how she used to think Adrien was the whole world. He was the one who always made her feel like she was home. Now she realized just how naive and selfish she had been. Chat wasn't the world. He wasn't even Marinette's world, but he was her home.

The way Chat always had her back no matter what. He could read her like an open book and knew when she was having a hard time but also knew when to ask about it and when to not. And the looks he always gave, full of trust, and amazement, and… love. Chat was home. He always had been, she had just been too blind to see it.

"The streets of Paris have been quiet," Alya continued. She wasn't sure if this was a safe conversation to have but she really just wanted to discuss the disappearance of the superheroes with her best friend. "No one has seen any Akumas since Tuesday. No one really knows what happened at all.

"One moment Ladybug and Chat Noir were fighting an Akuma and then Hawkmoth showed up. They battled for a few minutes but soon they disappeared from sight. I think they may have gone back to Hawkmoth's lair to have the final battle."

Slowly Marinette stopped chewing, swallowing hard, the food getting stuck in her throat. As she heard Alya talking, little by painfully little her feelings started to return.

"I don't doubt that Ladybug and Chat Noir defeated Hawkmoth but I do worry about them. No one has seen them since and it just doesn't bode well with me. Were they injured? If so were they able to get to a hospital? Did they maybe have to sacrifice themselves to stop Hawkmoth? Are they okay? If so why haven't we seen them? Do they now finally know who the other is? Are they finally together, happy and relieved that the danger is over?"

A sniffle cut Alya off and she looked to see Marinette with tears streaming down her face, her knuckles white as she gripped her dinner plate. The journalist carefully pulled the dish from her tremble hands and then quickly gathered her friend up in her arms. Marinette wasn't crying that hard yet but Alya knew it wouldn't be long until they became uncontrollable.

"Shh… It's okay Mari. I'm sure they're fine."

Alya couldn't fathom why talking about Paris' superhero duo would be what finally brought Marinette back. Maybe she was worried about them too? But this was a lot of grief for two people that she didn't even know.

"You don't have to worry. I'm sorry that this upset you but I'm sure what I said wasn't true. They're safe and together and happy. You don't need to worry."

Alya's hands rubbed Marinette's back as she held her lightly. Marinette just shook her head at Alya's words, her sobs increasing but not to the point of hysterics.

Alya's words were wrong, so very wrong. Her and Chat weren't together but Marinette couldn't tell her that. Because Marinette was Ladybug. And she couldn't tell anyone. But she wanted to tell Chat. She should have told Chat. Oh why didn't she tell Chat?

I'm so sorry, she sobbed into Alya's shoulder. I miss you. I love you.

She paused as she finally allowed herself to admit to the real reason this was all so hard. She loved Chat, oh goodness how she loved him. His stupid puns and his terribly timed flirtations had managed to slip past her walls and professional aura. Her heart made a painful lurch at the emptiness not having those things around created. She missed them. She missed him. But it was too late. She realized her feelings too late.

I love you Chat! Marinette's heart finally shattered the rest of the way as she mourned her lost love. I love you. I just want to go home. You're home. My home. I want to go to you.

Alya stayed the rest of the evening in order to hold Marinette as she cried.