The Space Between Stars

by VinVenture12

Kylo Ren has been humiliated by the scavenger and is now hunting her for retribution. He delves deeper into the depths of darkness along his journey, while Rey soars closer to the light. Strangers on opposite sides of a war, but bound together through their destinies. Both will do whatever it takes to survive, but who will come out victorious? Slow Reylo. Post TFA, Later M rating

35. Chapter 35

I send out my gratitude to all who have faved, followed, or left a review! You all add fuel to the fire!

And apologies for the delay! I got sick before vacation, and then Orlando took up much of my attention. I was able to go to Disney World, Seaworld, Universal, and of course... Star Wars Celebration! I ended up only doing Friday, and stayed over night for The Last Jedi panel. It was amazing! Rian Johnson came to meet all the people sleeping over and he stayed till four in the morning. He was so nice to meet! And the poster they gave us for the movie is up on my wall. I look at it all the time. lol. And how about that trailer? I almost fainted when Kylo came on screen. I am super pumped for this movie already! Anyway, vacation was great, but hindered my writing. But I'm finally updating!

NightElfCrawler: Finn and Ben do love bickering! Expect more of that. And while Ren is a very powerful person, he too makes mistakes– like dropping the lightsaber. This chapter doesn't go quite as you predicted. Hope it's not a let down! Aleta Wolff: What's drama without lots of trouble? This story is gonna be them going from one problem to the next, all the way up to the end. Hope you all are prepared! I do love writing Finn and Ben together. Their journey toward being civil, or even liking each other, has begun. I'm excited to write it! Ilovekyloren: Hey you! I do pack a lot into each chapter, even when I view it more as a filler. But I want to keep people engaged. I do agree with you about Rey. Girl snapped and did something horrible. It's totally fine for you not to agree with how she reacted. I think you'll like this chapter since you want her to give Kylo a break. ;) And yeah! You're returning to writing! Don't give up, and neither will I. I get nervous when people say not to compromise my characters, because what I think a character would do isn't always how other people envisioned it. But I shall endeavor to stay true! I'm gonna finish this story, even though it gets overwhelming at times. But you readers sure do help! Thanks! SheLitAFire: The flower scene does have a purpose throughout the book. And I'm sorry for not putting in a reminder about Rey's parents. I live with this story every waking minute that I forget that you guys do not. I put in a small summary in this chapter. But your confusion is still warranted, because we don't have all the answers to her family just yet. This chapter and the next will start giving you clarity. I saw the live action Beauty and the Beast and I actually liked it! I'll always love the animated one, but this one was still enjoyable. Wasn't a huge fan of Emma Watson's singing voice, but I looked past it. Yup, KMT's character has arrived! I always planned to have her enter later in the story. Her and Finn will have a dynamic as time goes on. So the only way we were able to go out to Florida was to start planning this trip way back in July. That was the only way it worked money wise. But it was so worth it! I loved every second of Star Wars Celebration. The video by Thor Skywalker I haven't seen, but I will watch it and let you know my opinion! I have it open in a tab, but I am gonna get this chapter done first and then watch it.

Okay everyone! This chapter furthers certain points of the plot, foreshadows future events, and has a Poe and Jess scene! Not sure how some of you will take the new information that is presented in here, but this is the story, so I gotta write it. Anyway, enjoy!

Chapter Thirty-Five

The setting sun came sooner than Rey expected, reminding her of the plans to venture into the city. She'd spent all morning and afternoon in the greenhouse, listening to Garov's lectures and even sharing a meal with him. The Bimm, while cold and blunt on the outside, was actually sweeter and more polite once she got to know him. Hearing about his family, the time in the Imperial skyhook, and his current business, he perfectly weaved the story of his journey through hardship and success.

Rey could definitely relate to hardship.

Success? She didn't know what that looked like for her.

As the evening ushered in dusk, Garov gave her two tech-copies of his favorite books: The Herbal Alchemist's Handbook: A Grimoire of 'Philtres, Elixirs, Oils, Incense and Formulas for Ritual use, and The Rambling Botanist. The true gift, however, was having permission to take a blossoming flower. Rey kept it simple by choosing the pyro, not just because it's deep crimson beauty, but also it was one of the easiest plants to tend to.

Best to start with the basics.

Bidding the small Bimm farewell, she went back to the freighter, dropping off her newly acquired belongings before heading into the city. The sky had darkened by the time her boots trotted on those first stone steps, the remnants of day having exhaled into repose. Rey took in a deep breath and shared the energy trapped in her lungs with the beginnings of night.

It was always shocking for Rey to see so many people out and about after dark, but this city seemed to thrive after hours, and the people here preferred it that way. Back on Jakku, Rey would have been ready for bed by now, going over the last remnant of scavenging plans in her head as she fell asleep.

Rey didn't immediately head for Okona's shop. Instead, she walked around the parts of the city she hadn't seen the last time she was there. She gazed through windows at ornate jewelry, went down aisles of the most updated galac-tech, and browsed through an antique bookshop. Touching the leather backed books, she thought of Ben. He would've stayed in this place all day, probably coming out with thousands of credits worth of books. Or bought the whole place for twice its value.

Finding papered novels was such a rarity during these modern times.

A cozy reading nook in the corner looked inviting, and even though she didn't have a book, she claimed the corner as her own. The seat was built into the wall, it's soft cushion and pillows making the alcove extra comfortable. Sitting, she watched all the different species meandering down the aisles, her mind wondering like it usually did during downtime.

And her memories never went anywhere pleasant.

The video of her parents last moments ran through her thoughts on repeat, making her emotional. But sorrow was soon replaced with confusion, which morphed into frustration. With more answers came more questions. Why did the New Republic believe her mother was a descendant of Palpatine? Where was the evidence? Was her mother really adopted into the Ropetho family?

She should have pushed those questions when talking to Ematt. But getting revenge had a way of giving one tunnel vision. And dissolving reason.

Looking back, it seemed like the memory of killing Ematt was done by someone else, as if Rey were viewing it from an outside perspective. Of course, she knew that wasn't true. This was just her way of coping with the fact she was now a murderer.

After receiving a few annoyed looks from customers with books, she figured she better leave the nook before someone confronted her. Soon, she found herself standing in front of Okona's shop, peering through the glass at the bustling shoppers. It was busier than Rey thought it would be, and she didn't even think of the possibility that Okona wouldn't be there. Why was Rey even there? What would her and the Togruta even talk about? Clothes? Rey frequently got zeyd and tumuon cloth mixed up, which apparently was a fashionable mistake Jess had to explain to her.

"Rey?"

She glanced to her right to see Okona, who was holding a basket filled with muja muffins as she gazed at Rey in surprise.

Mouth watering from the sight of sweets, Rey swallowed and nervously greeted, "Okona. How are you?"

Okona stepped forward, grasping Rey's shoulder as she worriedly looked her over. "My dear, are you alright? You don't seem well."

"Well, uh..."

"Your soul looks tired. I can see it through your eyes."

"Oh." Rey shrugged, finding the observation odd. "Sleep has been evading me lately."

"It's more than just sleep." Okona ushered Rey inside. "Come." Cool air greeted them as they entered. With Okona's hand on Rey's back, she guided her to the rear of the store.

Punching in a code on the panel, a metallic door slid open, allowing them access. Walking down a hallway and through another corridor, Rey stepped into a very mundane and organized office – which was surprising, given the fact the main floor was decorated so ornately. To the left was a white, sharp cornered desk, a dark red upholstered chair tucked into the back. Straight ahead against the light blue walls was a cot, a folded blanket and pillow on top, awaiting use.

Okona put down the basket and moved to the makeshift bed, taking a seat as she adjusted her light green and gold dress.

"I've had this cot in my office since the day this shop first opened. You have to take rest where you can find it." She patted the empty space beside her. Rey hesitated before moving forward.

"What brings you back here?" Okona asked as Rey sat. The cot was comfier than she anticipated.

"I wanted to be somewhere familiar, I guess."

"Do you not have many places like that?"

"No."

"Well, if you are looking for something familiar, I still have those clothes you asked me to hold for you. Would you like those back?"

Considering Rey's current wardrobe consisted of the clothes on her back, she gave out a solid, "Yes. Please." She paused as she realized she was wearing her satchel. And inside the satchel….

Rey unclipped the bag from her belt and dumped half of the credits onto the cot. "What would I be able to get for all this?"

Okona gazed at the credit mound, wide eyed. "Honestly, you could probably buy our whole line of active wear."

"Great." Rey said, gathering up the credits. "I'll go out there and–"

Okona stopped Rey's hands. "I can get everything together for you, my dear. I brought you back here so you could rest."

"But your shop is so busy, and I don't want to inconvenience you–"

"Trust me, it isn't an inconvenience." Okona gave her a soft smile. "May I ask why you seem so…"

"Tired?" Rey finished.

"Tired, yes, but sad as well."

Rey tucked the loose strands of hair behind her ears, not really knowing how much to reveal. "Has your life always gone as planned?"

"No one's life goes according to plan. There are always bumps and turns in the road."

She fiddled with her fingers, nervous that she was getting too personal. "How did you handle the bumps and turns?"

Okona chuckled. "Not gracefully, I can tell you that. But I got through the tough times, mainly thanks to my husband. Having support always helps. Do you have that?"

Ben….

"I did. But he lied to me, and now it's over."

"What did he lie to you about?"

"He knew about parts of my life, parts I didn't even know, but always wanted to," Rey muttered, her eyes staying straight ahead on the door.

"And now you know them?"

"Yes."

"Is it painful to know these things?"

Rey nodded.

"When thinking over what upsets me or if someone has wronged me, I ask myself, "If I were to die tomorrow, what would my reaction be to this situation? Would I forgive the wrongdoer, or take my grudge to the grave? Do I focus on all the things they've done wrong, and forget the things they've done right?""

Those questions wheeled around in Rey's mind, begging her to answer them.

Okona reached out, as if to pat Rey's knee, but thought against it. "You haven't said much, but maybe this person kept these secrets because they loved you and didn't want to hurt you."

"But… he lied to me," Rey said as if that sin was the most unforgivable. But she knew it wasn't.

"And he'll have to live with that the rest of his life. If he truly loves you, then he deeply regrets it."

Rey adjusted her posture and glanced away. All of this was getting too close to... something. It made her uncomfortable, and Okona was able to pick up on that.

The Togruta stood, catching Rey's attention. "I'll leave you alone to rest. Stay as long as you want and eat as many of the muffins as you'd like. I'll be out there if you need anything."

When alone, Rey wrapped herself in the wool blanket and placed her head on the lush pillow. But she was incapable of closing her eyelids. Too many thoughts ran through her brain, robbing her of the sweet escape that was sleep.

An ember of regret warmed her gut, the heat gradually becoming a small flame, graduating into an inferno that lit up the severity of her reality.

The rest of her life would be spent in loneliness as she would attempt to atone for her sins. But forgiveness would never be found. How can one be forgiven if the victim was dead?

They couldn't. But Ben was still alive...

Doesn't matter, she told herself. She would forever remain a bag of skin, a skeleton the only thing rattling inside. There was no meat to her anymore, no substance, for she did not deserve any.

Lips trembling, she let the regret fall from her eyes, and then wiped them away. If tears were prayers, fate would have gone easier on her by now. Instead, she'd been cursed with a rough life and had learned only one thing:

Loss was endemic. Crying over it changed nothing.

()()()()()

Standing in the black expanse of his subconscious, Ren saw no beginning and no end to the shadows. As he sloshed around in the ankle deep water, he watched the ripples dance along the surface, the movement flowing outward and away, eternal. Light was not even a physical manifestation in this realm. His ability to see and be just was.

Ren stopped, tensing. There wasn't much to view, but he knew for sure he wasn't alone in this place. Whoever it was had formed close behind.

And he sensed it wasn't a stranger.

He spun around, kicking up the murky water. There, in a regal white gown and perfect scarlet hair, stood Kayani, looking as if she might catch a disease from standing in such an abysmal place. "So this is what you imagine your mind to look like," she stated. "Rather bleak, wouldn't you say?"

Ren glared, his annoyance robbing him of his voice.

Kayani finally focused on him, producing a small smile. "I want to commend you on the blocks around your mind. I've rarely seen any as strong as yours. But I expect nothing less from someone hiding from my brother."

Ren wasn't indulged by the compliments. "What are you doing here?"

"A small opening appeared in your mental barrier and I took this chance to talk to you. Honestly, your lucky it's me and not your master," she said, anticipating some sort of thanks.

He didn't give her any.

Ren glanced to the left. Then glanced to the right. "This isn't real."

"It is."

He shook his head. "No, it can't be. For me to see you like this would require–." Ren frowned as something occurred to him. "A connection." But how could something have formed? "When Rey revived me…" his voice trailed off as his mind pieced together the puzzle.

Ren searched Kayani's face, and found no evidence of a rebuke.

"But…. No. I saw you. On the beach. After Rey drowned." The words were a struggle to procure; the physical recoil was easy to show.

"I could weakly cross the connection between the two of you, and you being desperate for help made it easier for you to hear and see me then."

"Are you seriously telling me that I now have three different Force bonds?"

"Yes. But be at ease – your bond with Rey overpowers the other two."

Be at ease?! Ren took a deep breath, like he had to force his emotions not to succumb to the need of destroying everything close to him... which would be Kayani, given how there was literally nothing in this plain of existence.

Time stretched out languidly – or maybe it didn't, since time wasn't a real thing here – as Kayani kept watching him, remaining poised. Tugging his fingers through his hair, Ren switched his eyes down to the water, peering at its murkiness. It was hard enough to differentiate between his and Rey's emotions, and now to add someone else into the mix?

Horrible timing.

Snoke had damaged his ability to empathize, while Rey had helped him to feel the Light. And if the Force were even remotely on his side, he'd never have to find out what Kayani's contribution to his conflicting life would be. The one silver lining that kept Ren afloat was that he wouldn't have to worry about being influenced as long as he never used the connection with her.

Having formed a plan to stay sane, his breathing evened and he was able to look up at the glowing entity. "Do you feel Rey's emotions? Can you hear her thoughts?" Ren asked quickly, suddenly needing to know exactly how much privacy he and Rey had.

"I see only what she sees."

His lids narrowed. "How much have you seen?"

"Most of her life. I only look away during moments that seem… private." Kayani briefly glanced to the side.

"You know… about her and I," he said, feeling uncomfortable. But his irritation left the sneer on his face.

"The relationship between the two of you should never have gone that far."

Ren stood where he was for quite some time, trying to reign in his anger. "What?" he eventually gritted out. "You didn't foresee us actually caring for one another?"

"No," she stated. "You're cold and callous, and while Rey can be those things when it matters, she does have a good heart."

Her subtle slight didn't go unnoticed. Or maybe it was meant to be obvious. "You always speak as if you know me."

"Actions are a great indicator of character."

He lifted his chin more as if to look down on her, trying to match her aura of superiority. "If you hate me so much, why not find another way of getting to your brother?"

"I've tried countless times before. You are the only way it can work."

"Not a very solid plan, and the details are still rather vague."

"You think there is more to this?"

"There's always more when it comes to schemes."

"I assure you, this isn't a scheme. The fate of the galaxy hinders upon this working, and you were always meant to be in the middle." Kayani scoffed out her impatience. "There is no need for this wordplay. We're on the same side. You can trust me."

"I make a habit not to trust what I see. Even salt looks a lot like sugar."

"And here I thought you'd want your Master dead. Don't you want to be free?"

To Ren, 'free' was a four-letter word. "I don't agree with how you want to go about it. Having Rey go up against him would mean her death."

"There is no other way."

"Yes, there actually is," he argued. "Just wait for him to die. If he never finds me, than mortality will eventually catch up to him."

"My brother is very patient."

"Death doesn't show favoritism," he bit back.

Her expression finally showed her annoyance. "You have to be prepared for the possibility that he will get you in the end."

His brows drew together. "What did you say?"

"My brother is smart and resourceful. You are no match for him."

Ren changed the subject before his ego lashed out. "Why are you here?" he asked, voice so throaty, it sounded like a growl. "I assume there is a reason."

"Rey needs to be found."

Finally, the conversation goes in a direction he could get behind. "I agree. Tell me where she is."

"I don't know where she is."

He tightened his fists. "You just said you can see what she sees. Try taking a very studious look around."

"I can't. She's too closed off right now. But there is another way." Kayani scrutinized him, as if gauging whether it was a good idea to offer up her plan. "Open yourself up to this connection and use it to locate me. That way, you can find her."

"No."

"I thought you wanted to find her?"

"There is only one person I would ever open myself up to and that person is certainly not you."

Kayani threw her hands into the air, an odd gesture for her to make: the show of exasperation. "I didn't want this either. You think I wanted a connection with someone like you? You're searching for someone to blame and that person isn't me. So if you want to be mad or disgruntled with someone, take it up with Rey. I warned her not to take power from me, but her feelings for you got in the way."

Ren snort-laughed mockingly. "You would've fit in perfectly with the Jedi Order. They too blamed others and had a strict view on not forming attachments. Made them lack humanity."

Kayani quickly retorted. "This coming from the son who murdered his own father and then thanked him."

As Ren went really still and really quiet, Kayani looked shocked. That wasn't the type of thing one could say and then take back. But her statement must not have bothered her too much since her composure swiftly returned to that of a collected, but pompous queen.

"Find Rey before someone else does. And then you need to prepare her for when she needs to kill you," she bluntly added, losing all sense of tact while going straight for the jugular with her sharp words.

Ren blinked while repeatedly opening his mouth, then closing it. "I don't even know how to respond to that."

"She can't let her feelings for you cloud her judgment."

Ren ground his teeth and slowly said, "You want me... to tell her... to kill me."

"It won't be you anymore."

Yeah… Ren wasn't going to do that. Done with whatever this exchange was, he started walking away, picking up his boots so he could move faster. "Tell her yourself," he said over his shoulder.

Kayani formed in his path, stopping him. "I told you, she is somehow blocking me. And the last time we interacted, we didn't get along."

"You and I don't get along." He turned the other way.

She blocked him again. "Are you going to do this or not?"

"Honestly, this all seems like conjecture on your part."

"I know my brother."

Ren had partly pivoted, but froze at hearing that last comment. His stare returned to Kayani. "I thought the last time you two had any contact was when he murdered you over 8,000 years ago? I'd say a person could change a lot over that span of time."

There was a pause, and Ren stayed quiet so the remark could really sink deep into Kayani's nerves. In the silence, she took a good, hard look at him and said, "If you don't do this, the moment will come and you'll regret not heeding my warning."

Ren glanced into the never ending darkness, unable to see anything of value, just as he was unable to accept this impending future Kayani was so sure would happen. Would the First Order succeed in finding him? Has he never really had a chance? His body became heavy, the truth daring to drag him down into the water if it could.

Suddenly his form blurred, as well as Kayani's, the vision of his shadowy mind thinning and dissipating, ceasing to be.

"Trust what you are feeling," her voice broke through the dissolving chaos. "Energy never lies."

Straddling between being unconscious and awake, his vision still on Kayani's fading silhouette, his ears caught the sound of chatter from elsewhere. Straining to get back to reality, he could make out two distinct voices: Bala-Tik and Finn's.

The darkness faded as Ren was propelled back into the present, his head feeling as if it had been cracked open, the contents inside his skull being lit afire. The pain traveled through his veins, making his palms turn into fists. He opened his eyes… and finally let his restraint go. The loss of time being spent on this ship, the endless supply of thugs getting in his way, and the infuriating conversation he just had with Kayani sent him to the one place where he felt like he had control:

The Dark side.

Slipping into his cruel visage, Ren connected with the living on the ship, stilling them… and crushing them slowly. Behind him, he faintly heard the roar of the Wookies, the beating of flesh intermingling with their war cries. It wasn't difficult to deduce that they were helping in taking out the guards. Such aid was unnecessary, but Ren was too focused on the struggling, wide-eyed Guavian leader before him.

Stars, he craved this release. To hell with consequences; he could deal with those later. Right now, his need for control was a necessity.

But energy was a give and take contract. Strength draining fast, Ren wasn't sure how much longer he could keep going, the possibility of him breaking concentration becoming a real possibility. But just as his vision blurred, lungs burned, and legs shook, the unexpected happened:

Rey opened herself unto him.

It was quick, the feel of her only lasting seconds, his mind reaching out to her gently, stroking. He wasn't eager to take from her, but she insisted as she shoved him an insurmountable amount of strength his way. He accepted the minimum right before she disappeared, becoming another memory. Thankfully, he only needed the one swift moment to know where she was – and to learn the only reason she helped him was because Rey earnestly believed he was going to die.

She still cared.

And he had impressed upon her that he still devotedly loved her.

But even with the short soulful reunion, Ren couldn't turn back. He was powerless to stop his actions, anymore than a person leaping from a cliff could decide ten feet into the fall that they wanted to go back. With no contrast, moralities edges were too smooth to hold onto, causing his conscience to dissolve and him to plummet into an alternate existence, one that was filled with the shadows of deeds that stained the soul, one that welcomed him in such an intimate manner only Rey could match.

In these moments, he was the festering, rotting, tangible representation of all the evil in the universe, all the cruelty and debasement and malicious joy. All the deeds done in a moment that had repercussions that lasted a lifetime.

His mind snapped, as if it were a chain being stretched beyond capacity. One by one – and there were too many to perceive – Ren felt every individual's pain, heard their suffering, and drank in their fear as if it were sweet to the taste and cool to the throat. Coming to the end, he claimed the lives he merged with, infusing himself with their stolen vitality.

But the power was too much for him to keep. So he let it go, a vicious amount of energy rippling out of him, its power unprecedented and touching every corner of the large vessel Ren deemed unimportant.

Then everything was over.

With a hoarse and ragged cry, he fell to the ground, convulsing and wheezing. Smelling the familiar scent of blood, he weakly glanced up, seeing the broken body of the Guavian leader. And his lightsaber.

Hand reaching out, he reclaimed what was rightfully his. But not even a simple familiarity could qualm his horrified heart.

For the first time in his life, he was disturbed by what he was capable of.

Ren sensed a rumble somewhere in the dark crook of his mind, as if someone was laughing. Mocking him. He couldn't hear the sound, but he knew who it was. He could feel it.

His master was waiting. Observing. Like he always had.

Would he ever be rid of him?

()()()()()

Rey woke with a shout, hand clutching her chest as her breathing came out sporadically and her heart thundered. Lungs burning, it reminded her of drowning, that harrowing memory causing her to shake.

Ben.

He was in a massive amount of trouble, the kind that could kill him. Rey could feel the struggle as he spent his energy in trying to stay alive.

Her heart told her to save him, and she took up that call without hesitation.

Rey unlocked her side of the bond.

Even though Ben was in desperate need, his presence was gentle, like a soft caress on her life force. It was as if his soul saw her after a long separation, letting out a sigh of relief upon finding her. His trepidation got in the way of the exchange, making him question whether he should take anything from her. Impatient, Rey shoved her strength his way, making him take what he needed to survive.

And then she felt it.

Love.

He still loved her.

The beginning of this journey with him – all the way back on Ahch–To when she implored him to leave with her – had been a risk, a mystery, and up till now, something she'd never experienced before. But in this moment, with their connection freely flowing, Ben was the most certain thing she'd ever known.

And she had ruined it.

Rey slammed the bond closed in a panic, falling upon hands and knees while gulping in the stagnant air. Tears burst forth like water from a dam, spilling down her face. The muscles of her chin trembled as she looked around the room, as if the quaint little area could somehow soothe her.

It didn't.

There was static in her head, a side effect of this breakdown, of the stress she now lived with. She listened to her own whimpers and cries, like a distressed child, raw from the inside. This surrender took something out of her she didn't know she had left to give. But that's the way it was when people became hard of emotion, denying themselves of feeling. It was a theft of the spirit, an injury to the heart no other person could see.

And only once stripped down was she fully able to see the light.

No longer could she blame Ben, nor Ematt for her actions. Responsibility was solely hers to bear.

It took her a long while to regroup, the acceptance of her situation turning her demeanor somber. What she did was done. There was nothing she could do to change it. So... what was she doing? Rey was never one to wallow and bury beneath self-pity. She always picked herself up, her determination giving her momentum to move forward.

No doubt Ben now knew where she was… but she couldn't face him. Not yet.

Rey formed a new plan, one she should have started days ago. She wasn't going to let shame and fear get in the way of it this time.

Standing, her legs wobbled and hands shook. Eyes going to the muffins, she shoved three into her mouth, wiping away the drool as the sweetness covered her tongue and filled her belly. Out in the hallway, she came across a chill box and grabbed a canteen of cold water, downing it quickly.

Out on the main floor, Rey weaved her way through the throngs of shoppers as she headed for the register. Okona was leaning against the counter, her attention on the datapad below.

The Togruta's eyes shifted, sensing someone close by. She blinked at the unexpectedness. "It hasn't even been an hour–"

"I need to leave," was all Rey gave as an explanation.

Okona straightened and frowned, but did not push Rey for her reasons. Grabbing three large shopping bags from beneath the counter, she handed them over. "I mostly kept to outfits you can easily move in, but there are a few surprises in here you might like. And your old attire is in there as well."

Rey accepted the large bags, having to brace herself from the unexpected weight. "Thank you for getting this together for me."

"Are you going to be okay?"

"I will be." And there was the smallest part of Rey that believed that.

Okona lowered her voice and leaned forward over the counter, giving her a worried stare. "If you ever need anything, you know where to find me."

Rey nodded her gratitude and then left, trekking back to the light freighter. She dropped the bags in the cargo bay, her arms worn out from carrying those deceitfully heavy bags. Rustling through the bundles, Rey found what she was looking for and then headed to the cockpit.

It was hard to say goodbye to Spira. The serene warm water and tropical breeze felt more like home to her than Jakku ever did. Maybe in another life, she'd been born to the sea.

In hyperspace, awaiting her arrival to Dandoran, she slipped into a change of clothes. The dark trousers and shirt enveloped her like she remembered. Being alone, Rey wanted something familiar, so she opted for Ben's clothes over the brand new ones. She breathed in the fabric, hopeful. Yes… They hadn't been washed, and his scent was still faintly recognizable.

But with the solace came an emptiness that had been carved out of her soul with the spade of her regrets. Ben still loves you. You felt it. When the time is right, he'll help you, she reassured herself.

Still, thinking about facing him after she got her life in order gave her anxiety.

Her stomach roared, claiming her attention. "Okay, okay. I'll feed you." Rey exited the cockpit and went to the kitchen. "Maybe we could even try a hand at cooking. How hard can it be to heat up sauce and pasta?"

Her tummy rumbled.

"My thoughts exactly. It can't be too difficult." Was she crazy for talking to one of her organs? Probably. But her stomach was the only thing keeping her company. Why not have conversations with it. It couldn't be any worse than speaking to her imaginary friends.

Plus, it made her feel less lonely.

()()()()()

"Shit," Poe harshly whispered, witnessing the small trail of blood slide down his thumb and beneath his jacket cuff. Reaching for the stained rag on the hovering utility table, he wrapped the pulsating cut. It was a stupid mistake to work on one of the X-Wing's KX12 laser cannons without proper lighting.

A small light orb sat in the sea of tools, mocking him for his stupidity.

"You used that rag on the engine earlier," BB-8 pointed out.

Poe flexed his hand, feeling the chemical sting as he made sure the makeshift dressing stayed tight. It wouldn't. "It's fine. I'm still young and in great health. You'd know." Poe glanced down. "You were at my last physical."

"About that… I was thinking I'd skip the next one."

"What do you mean skip the next one? You know I don't do well with needles. I need support to get through it."

"Drawing your blood took less than a minute last time."

"Well, it feels like a lifetime," Poe murmured. Giving up on the rag, he found a first aid kit in the bottom drawer, opting for a smaller, more manageable medical bandage.

BB-8 rolled a tad closer. "If you really need support, you could ask Jess to come with you."

Poe narrowed his eyes, sensing BB-8 was trying to dig for something "You know I get naked for a part of it."

BB-8 beeped and whistled low and looooooong.

Poe sucked in a breath so quickly, a wad of saliva came along for the journey. He coughed, clearing his throat before saying, "How do you even know that phrase?" BB-8 stayed silent. "It's Artoo, isn't it? I need to cut those playdates short." Poe pointed the gauss wrench at BB-8, lecturing. "That astromech is a bad influence."

"Like you're any better."

Poe wheeled around so fast, it was a miracle he stayed on his feet. Jess stood by the wing, arms crossed, giving Poe a playful little grin. He wondered how much of the conversation she heard and inwardly panicked. "Testor. Hey."

"How is Artoo being a bad influence?"

"BB-8 seems to have picked up some rather crass language." Poe shot the droid another disapproving stare.

"Probably from you."

He laughed off the jab, but Poe knew for a fact BB-8 didn't get the phrase from him. He didn't get that vulgar.

"I'm surprised you're here and not talking to Snap."

"He's back?" Poe was expecting the mission to take longer. Not because it was risky, but because he wasn't helming the operation. But he should have given Snap more credit.

"Yeah. Him and the others got back about an hour ago. They should be out of debriefing."

"Were the coordinates Ren gave legit?" Poe eagerly asked.

"Oh yeah. Big time. The recon team basically fell out of hyperspace on top of the planets. So far, the intel Kylo gave has been correct."

Twisting the wrench in his palms, Poe queried, "They find the mines?"

Jess nodded. "They only had time to find half, but they were all up and running. Planetary scans even showed an overabundance of iridium, ytterbium, baradium, gadolinium, quadranium–."

He interrupted Jess showing off her pronunciation skills. "So basically all the elements used to build Star Destroyers and military grade weaponry."

She sighed. "Pretty much. Those planets could be mined for hundreds of years before the depletion of resources."

Poe gripped the wrench harder, shaking his head and muttering, "He just had to be right about this."

Jess arched a brow. "Were you hoping he lied?"

Going back to working on his X-wing so he could cover up his frustration, Poe exhaled and said, "It would have been better that he was a liar than for the First Order to actually have an endless supply of resources."

He felt Jess move next to him, her eyes watching his working hands, her body close enough to emit warmth. "You aren't the only one worried over the news."

By now, most of the base had to have heard about the recon results. And Poe wasn't looking forward to seeing the glum faces… or being the glum face. Most of his life, he'd always been a hopeful, optimistic sort of guy. But with so much destruction and bad news coming the galaxy's way, it was hard to look at the positive.

Jess pulled him out of the worried hole his mind was falling into. "How she comin' along?"

He straightened and wiped at his perspiring brow, leaving behind a streak of grease. "The laser canon is worn down, but I'm getting close to fixing it." Jess stuck her head inside the weapons hull. "The engine is fine, which is a relief."

"Still don't trust a mechanic with her?" her voice echoed in the chamber.

"I'm a little too attached to this one to have anyone else touch her."

"Pardon me for intruding on such a private moment." She brought her head out. "I should leave you two alone."

His lips formed a half smile. "Ha. Ha." Jess grinned back. "Why are you here so late anyway?"

"I was actually looking for Threepio." She did a quick once over of the deserted hangar. "Have you seen him?"

"No. You two still having story time?"

"Make fun of me all you want, but people don't realize that Threepio was in the middle of most the action during the Rebellion. You should listen to one of his recollections some time."

"About Skywalker?" Poe moved to the cart, putting the wrench in the third drawer. "You know you could just go ask the guy about his life."

Jess rolled her eyes rather dramatically. "Really? And how do you think that would go? The man doesn't seem that approachable and I don't want to come off as some star struck weirdo who knows way too much about his life."

"But you do know way too much about his life."

"Because he's a hero of the Rebellion who single handedly destroyed the first Death Star and–." Jess paused, glaring at him. "Now you're making fun of me."

This time, he gave her that full on charming smile of his. "Yep."

She chuckled and patted the exterior of the X-wing. "Well, if you run into Threepio, tell him I'm gonna call it a night and go back to my room." Jess walked past him, not even offering a goodnight. Not like he wanted one. They were good enough friends that they could skip the pleasantries.

BB-8 bumped his calves from behind, making him move forward.

Poe quickly caught up to her as she entered an interior hallway. "Hey." Jess looked to him, surprised to see him walking beside her. "Are… you doing okay?"

"Yeah," she replied. "Why wouldn't I be?"

He leaned in, keeping his tone low. Not many people were walking around, but there were a few stragglers here and there. And Poe didn't like eavesdroppers. "Everyone on base knows Ren is gone and I was wondering how you're taking it."

Jess snorted, like what he just said was ridiculous. "You should be more worried over the possibility of everyone finding out you helped him leave." Poe abruptly stopped, as did Jess. "I saw you hurrying to get supplies before he left, and seeing how you don't have anywhere to go…."

Poe had really been praying no one had noticed him. But that was a wish that wouldn't be granted, given how everyone on base knows who he is. Being sociable had its downsides. "You tell anyone?"

Jess was offended he would even ask that. "Of course not. And you should know I wouldn't. But I can't be the only one who saw you. So if anyone asks, just make something up."

He nodded, which appeased Jess enough to continue her trek to her room. Poe kept pace. If Jess was confused that he was still following her, she didn't show it. "But are you doing okay?" he repeated.

She exhaled, annoyed. "Why is it every time something happens pertaining to Kylo Ren, you think I'm going to have a breakdown or something?"

They rounded a corner, and he let two soldiers pass before saying, "You two have history."

"Hardly."

"I wouldn't call him slaughtering dozens of men and freeing you from slavery a 'hardly'."

"Poe. I'm doing fine." Her tone was controlled, her eyes restrained. Poe knew Jess well enough to know she was hiding something. Additionally, whenever a woman said she was fine, she was never fine.

"You still look up to him?"

She pursed her lips. "I…." Jess blinked, letting a moment pass by. "I look up to the person who sprung me from that hell," she whispered. "Do you judge me for that?"

"Why would I judge you?"

"This is Kylo Ren we're talking about," she flatly pointed out.

"From what I've heard, he was actually a good person… once upon a time."

Coming upon their destination, Jess entered the pass code and went inside. Poe hesitated, not knowing if it was proper to follow.

"It's still hard to have your hero turn out to be the man who's torn the galaxy apart," Jess said as she took off her jacket and draped it over the desk chair.

By continuing the conversation, Poe took that as an invite to cross the threshold into her room. "Snoke tore the galaxy apart. Ren was just his lap dog." The door closed, but Poe remained by the exit, eyes taking in Jess's living space. It wasn't strictly tidy, but it wasn't a complete mess either. It looked lived in.

It mirrored his room.

Jess scoffed. "Like there's a difference."

"There is." He watched her sit on the bed and take off her boots. "Snoke's been manipulating Ren since before he was born. That's what I've been told, anyway."

She glanced up, skeptical. "Sounds like an excuse to me. And how is that even possible?"

"From what little I know of the Force and what Rey has said, Snoke's been acting like the guys conscience or something. Maybe even planting thoughts into his mind."

Jess stood and in one swift motion, took off her shirt. Luckily, there was an undershirt as an extra barrier. Poe gulped. "Is that how you're able to be friends with him?" She went to the closet, tossing it into a hamper. "Because you tell yourself the way he turned out wasn't his fault?"

Poe held up his palms defensively. "Hey, I'm not saying he's faultless in all this. A lot of the blame still falls on him. And we're not great friends. I just… I don't know. Maybe I'm rooting for him to change because if he can, anyone could. Even the galaxy."

Fortunately, Jess stopped with the stripping and propped her rear against the desk, palms gripping the edge. She gazed at him curiously. "Sounds selfish if you look at it that way. You're his friend so he can give your hope credence."

"I've never claimed to be altruistic. And the way I talked to him before he left makes me think he might want me dead."

"What did you say?"

"That if he killed Finn, I'd fucking murder him."

Jess bit at her lips, suppressing an amused smile. "I'm sure he's used to getting death threats by now. One from you is hardly going to matter."

Poe wasn't so sure about that.

He cleared his throat. "Listen, I've been meaning to talk to you about something."

"Shoot."

"Earlier, I had a meeting with General Organa and she wants me to head a mission." Jess frowned. "That's why I wasn't chosen for the recon operation. I've been going over the details to get ready."

"I haven't heard anything about another mission."

"This one is personal to her. Not even the council knows."

"Oh," was all Jess said.

"And I want you to come with me."

Face beaming, she threw her arms up in excitement. "Finally this conversation gets interesting. I'm in. And I'm sure Snap will join if you ask him."

"I should warn you, doing this can get us into trouble. The general isn't sure she can completely shield us from some sort of punishment."

Jess waved her hand through the air as she listed off their usual criteria for a mission. "Looming threats of consequences, lives in the balance, top secret mission – sounds like our day to day. When do we start?"

"You sure?"

"You know I'm sure." Jess quickly straddled the chair, getting herself nice and comfortable for a long briefing. Her giddiness almost made her bounce up and down, like a child expecting a treat. "Now stop leaving me in suspense and tell me what we're doing already. I'm in need of a vacation."

The fact she considered a mission a retreat twisted Poe's stomach into knots, because not for the first time he realized just how much alike they actually were.

()()()()()

The movement was fast and unexpected, hitting Finn in the back of the head and sending him to the floor. Caliiya stole the blaster from his weakened grasp as the Wookies roared. They stepped back when she angled the weapon at them. "You come at me and I'll pull this trigger. Understand?" The Wookies didn't move. It appeared threats were a universal language.

Finn groaned and rubbed his skull, gazing up at Caliiya from the vantage point of his knees. "What are you doing?" he asked, although it was obvious what she was doing: she was betraying him.

Her lips twitched, and her eyes welled up. However, her aim remained steady. "I can't go back to being indebted to Bala. You don't know what he makes me do. These Wookies were supposed to stop all that."

Finn stood, his head throbbing to the beat of his heart. What did she use to hit him with? Her fist? If that were so, she had one helluva punch. "I meant what I said when I told you I'd help you."

Caliiya laughed mockingly. "You? A wanted stormtrooper? You're in no position to help me." She turned to the entryway and yelled out, giving away their position. All the while he just watched Caliiya, watched as the conflict thickened in her eyes. But she avoided his stare.

Finn was cuffed and basically dragged to a part of the ship he wasn't familiar with. But unlike the rathtar situation, he paid close attention along the journey, memorizing each turn and length of passageway they took.

By the looks of all the various instrumentation, Finn guessed the room they entered was the main control quarters. They forced him to his knees next to Ren's still body, one of the guards hovering over Ren and giving him some sort of injection.

Finn studied his so-called partner. Only the slight twitch of a brow every few seconds and the fact his skin wasn't completely gray led him to believe that Ren wasn't in need of a grave and a headstone any time soon.

The Wookies moaned and grunted, but remained still as the three guards kept their blasters aimed and ready.

A handful of masked men remained in the room, all looking to their leader Bala-Tik, waiting. The Guavian walked over to Caliiya, smiling dangerously. "If you still think these two Wookies are going to change my mind about letting you go, you're mistaken."

Caliiya swallowed while keeping her head up, eyes defiant. "I don't think that. But would you be interested in a deserted stormtrooper from the First Order? The bounty on his head is worth a million credits."

Bala laughed in her face and Caliiya flinched away from his hot breath. "Well, that would be a deal worthy of paying off your debts. Is this where you try to convince me to let you go so you could find such a person, only to hide in the far reaches of space? Not the cleverest trick."

"No." She pointed at Finn, but still, she didn't glance his way. "That man is FN-2187. If you lend me a datapad, I can pull up the bounty and show you his photo." Finn didn't watch the proceedings, but instead stared intently at Ren. Poe once told him how Ren could somehow burn through a tranquilizer. Now would be a good time for the man to use such a skill.

Bala took in a breath. "I have to say, Caliiya, you really delivered. A million galactic credit bounty." There was a beat of silence. "Guess that means your freedom is now yours."

Caliiya exhaled, her relief evident by the subtle sob at the end. "My ship?"

"Still in hangar three. Helrin," Bala called up one his thugs. "Take her to her ship." She moved to the door, but her footsteps faltered. Finn wondered if she was looking back at him, but he would never know. He didn't turn to see. "If you ever need anything, you'll know how to contact me," Bala added.

"I won't." And then she was gone.

Bala paced around lazily, clapping the datapad against his palm, Kylo's family lightsaber swinging from his belt as he thought to himself for a considerable amount of time. "What to do with you, stormtrooper. What to do…. The bounty says you're wanted dead or alive, and I feel like I would get better cooperation out of you if you're dead."

Finn's neck twisted up, his heart keeping a steady pace. Interesting how death didn't faze him as much as it used to. Ever since fighting Ren in the snow, Finn had come to accept that his life would someday come to an end. Fearing it only made it worse. "What are you waiting for then?"

"Dragging out ones death can be rather torturous, wouldn't you agree? And if I remember correctly, you lied to me. You never won the Falcon in a game; you took it from a Resistance base. Now, why you and Kylo Ren are flying around the galaxy together doesn't really interest me. What does is the location of said base."

"You think I'd tell you something like that?"

"How loyal could a stormtrooper possibly be to a cause he's fought against most of his life?"

"Pretty loyal."

The gang leader quirked a brow, seeming to be in no rush. Then again, they were all waiting for the First Order to show up, and they already had the two wanted men. What else was there to do? "Aren't your loyalties supposed to be aimed elsewhere?"

"You mean to the organization who took me when I was a child and forced me into a life of servitude?"

"When you put it that way, I can see why you'd leave."

"So how about you let me go?"

Bala feigned thinking it over. "No. You see, I'm in this for the money. And telling the First Order the location of the Resistance base would surely hike up my reward." Finn ground his molars. "Don't want to cough it up? Fine. You're the real prize anyway."

Finn barely registered Bala give a nod before his muscles locked and contracted, the current of sudden electricity making him lose control over his body. He crumbled to the floor when given a reprieve, his limbs and chest on fire from the inside out. Then came another volt, his moan getting trapped in his lungs as he attempted breath.

One after another, the bursts of agony ripped at his insides, the pain stopping for a few seconds only to come back again. Bala asked no questions during the pauses. He just looked on, watching the torment impassively. This wasn't torture, Finn realized. This was how he was to die. Slowly. Cruelly.

As entertainment.

Bracing himself for the next shock… nothing came. Drooling onto the floor, Finn blinked rapidly, adjusting his hazy vision as fast as biology would allow. He heard the snapping noise first before he could decipher what it was. The thugs in the room, including Bala, had gone still, their forms vibrating in a way that wasn't natural. One after the other, Finn watched random bones on their bodies break, the sharp edges protruding out of their skin. It was horror in its most raw and original form.

And then behind him, the Wookies jumped one of the guards, tearing him to pieces.

Sirens added to the malevolence of the room, the lights slashing a red hue onto the already gory scene.

Then all at once, the bodies fell, pallid and unmoving. Finn didn't even notice that Ren was standing off to the left till the man drank in a giant gulp of stale ship air and fell to his knees, shaking uncontrollably, reaching for his saber. Finn scuttled over while on his side, stopping right next to Ren. The metal cuffs suddenly fell from Finn's wrists, allowing him to get to his knees without stumbling. Even though he was extremely sore, his eyesight and strength were returning quickly – which was good because Ren wasn't showing any signs of getting up.

"Can you walk?" Finn asked. Ren tried to stand, but collapsed. Wanting to get out of the bloody room, Finn swung Ren's arm around his shoulder and held onto the man's waist. Both Wookies went for a blaster before following the duo out into the hallway.

Finn nearly tripped over the upturned durasteel flooring, but caught himself. He was bearing most of Ren's weight and for once, the guy didn't protest against the extra help. Hand firmly gripped on his suit, Finn guided the partly lucid human weapon through the corridors and toward the hangar. With each turn, he found more of the dead lying about, the number now reaching the dozens. By the way each body was unnaturally positioned, it was obvious they died in the same manner as the ones back in the control room. Some even had their eyes missing, while others had half of their skull blown off, bodily fragments lining the walls and grated floor.

Alarms still rang loud and true, but it hadn't been caused by anyone manually setting them off. The amount of power Ren blasted throughout the ship didn't discriminate between organic or inorganic matter. Metal walls were warped, random cargo crates crushed, and the flooring now took on the appearance of waves from a turbulent, dark sea.

But through it all, the guy had enough awareness not to kill him and the Wookies.

Did Caliiya make it off the ship in time?

While his eyes were tempted to search among the bodies, Finn just couldn't look down anymore.

Stepping into the hangar, Finn came to a halt and Ren moaned in a way that sounded like he was about to puke. The Wookies softly grunted behind him, probably also shocked by the disturbing scene. Surveying the carnage, Finn couldn't believe all the people… lying still… on the floor. The fact that the place looked like it had just seen a battle didn't mean much to him. All his eyes could see was death and blood and mayhem.

And then he noticed swirls of black trickling in from behind a wall of cargo containers.

He coughed and glanced up, watching as a thick curdle of smoke formed a cloud above them, a light drizzle of ash falling and coating the area. Finn lurched forward and Ren gasped at the sudden movement.

The vessel suddenly burped and shuddered, causing them to trip over a few of the corpses. Through it all, Ren didn't seem fazed by the chaos or the impending doom in the slightest. His blasé demeanor made Finn want to grab Ren's face and force him to take a hard look at all he had done.

No time.

"The ship isn't going to last much longer," Ren croaked.

"What about the Falcon?" Finn asked as they neared their only possible escape. All other ships weren't even close to being functional, but the light freighter was still standing. "If it's damaged–"

"It's not," Ren countered, putting more strength behind his voice, his legs bearing more of his weight.

"How do you know?"

"I just do."

As they came upon the light freighter, the ramp lowered and Ren stepped away from Finn, limping up the incline on his own, trying to establish his independence. The man barely made it inside before he fell to his hands and knees and dry heaved, his whole body uncontrollably quaking through each retch.

Finn awkwardly bent down next to him, not sure what to do as the Wookies just watched. Proper protocol would be to comfort the person currently ill, but nothing about Kylo Ren screamed rub-my-back-and-tell-me-everything-will-be-okay. And Finn didn't mean to be impatient – he did– but the Eravana was getting closer to blowing up with each passing minute.

Worse, the First Order was still on their way.

"Are you okay?" Finn asked once there was a lull in the nauseating theatrics.

Ren wiped reflexively at his mouth even though nothing had upended from his stomach. "Relative to what?"

"Relative to you just murdering a whole ship full of people."

Brushing the hair from his sweaty face and pallor skin, there was the shortest of pauses. And then Ren's voice, which was already low, bottomed out completely. "Murder is a weighted word." The man stood, closed the ramp, and walked to the cockpit with a purpose, seeming to have found strength from out of nowhere.

The Wookies kept some distance while Finn stayed close behind. "And what would you have me use instead?" he asked, watching Ren's hands breeze over the console controls, bringing the Falcon back online.

"Killed," Ren said offhandedly. "I just killed a whole ship full of people."

"Most of them weren't even in the room with us," Finn argued, moving closer to the co-pilot's chair. "Who knows how many were even on that ship."

The Falcon suddenly jerked, making Finn teeter and plop his rear onto the padded seat. But his eyes remained fixed on the sickly looking man piloting the vessel.

"You think any of those criminals would've let you live?" Ren debated as he sat and glided the ship through the thickening smoke. "They were all a part of the same gang. In this situation, guilt by association rings particularly true."

Finn watched them soar into space, leaving the cursed freighter behind. He sighed and rubbed at his eyes, the irritants of the smoke making them sting. "I'm not against you killing people who want us dead," he said more calmly. "I'm just saying the ones not in the room with us didn't pose an immediate threat."

Ren went into the navicomputer, punching in coordinates and waiting for a viable course to be found. "Like those men don't have a pair of working legs to take them to another part of the ship. They would have came after us in the end."

Finn inwardly cringed, because he actually agreed. He knew his own argument was weak. It was just…. All those people dead. Even with the enemy, killing never sat well with him.

The navicomputer dinged, and Ren sent the ship into lightspeed.

"Wait." Finn said in a raised voice. "Why are we jumping into hyperspace? We need to go to Jakku."

"Rey isn't there," Ren answered, setting the Falcon to autopilot.

"But–"

Ren angled his torso at Finn. "I felt her. She isn't on Jakku. She's on Spira."

All of that made zero sense. "I thought she was blocking you?"

Ren hesitated. "She was, but… I needed more power to take out the Guavian's."

Finn caught the insinuation and nailed him with some serious eye-to-eye. "You stole power from her?"

"She opened her side willingly," Ren bit back, not appreciating Finn's accusatory tone.

Bewildered, Finn shook his head. "Why would she do that when she's been hiding from you?"

"She might have thought I was going to die."

Finn's eyes went round. "You were going to die?"

"Rey interpreted it that way, but no," Ren answered as he stood, exiting the cockpit. "I was just expending a massive amount of energy."

Finn shadowed him to the main hold, seeing the Wookies sitting on some crates against the wall. "Your need for violence is going to get you killed one day."

Ren, who'd been walking in the direction of the furry humanoids, stopped and turned back. "Unlikely."

Finn's forehead puckered as he looked on with disbelief. "Must I remind you that you did die. On Lothal. Not too long ago."

"And through it all, I'm still alive."

"Thanks to Rey. If you hadn't received help on multiple occasions, you'd be dead by now. Is it ever going to be remotely possible for you to admit that you have faults?"

"I would if I had any."

Ren motioned for the Wookies to follow him, guiding them back to the living quarters. He came back out a few moments later, only to disappear down the corridor leading to the off ramp. Finn took a seat on the curved lounge bench, resting his arms on the Dejarik table. Down the hallway, it sounded like the floor was being upended, but Finn was suddenly too exhausted to care. Whatever Ren was doing was his business, because Finn was fed up with trying to converse with him. The arrogance, the flagrant disregard for life, and the air of entitlement that surrounded the guy tended to raise Finn's blood pressure to almost bursting.

Walking back into the main hold, Ren was now dressed in his usual dark attire and gray jacket, his hands transporting two large duffles to the corner by the medical alcove. He then rifled through a small cargo container, the sound of wrappers crinkling as Ren took out a handful of rations. The man crossed the room, stopped in front of Finn, and handed him some portions.

Finn eyed the bars suspiciously.

"What?" Ren asked, slightly waving the enfolded calories in front of Finn's face. "Have you never seen rations before?"

"I've never had you offer me anything before." When Finn didn't go for the bars, Ren left them on the table and went back to the small medbay. Sitting atop a sturdy crate, he ripped the packaging open and stuffed the whole bar in his mouth, licking his fingertips in between bites. Out of all the times Finn has witnessed Ren eat, this was the first time he saw him disregard all manner of etiquette.

What was even stranger was that Kylo opted to stay in the main hold instead of holing himself in his room. Which would allow him to be alone… which was his preference.

"One of the Wookies is taking my room." Ren nodded to the padded alcove. "I'm going to stay here for now."

Finn's stare narrowed. "Could you not read my thoughts?"

Ren didn't apologize, nor did he give any indication that he heard him.

Deciding not to wait on an apology that would never come, Finn brought up their immediate problem. "What are we going to do with the two Wookies?"

Taking another bite, Finn had to wait for Ren to chew and swallow before getting an answer. "We're on our way to a space station near Spira. There, we can find them a shuttle back home."

"You don't want to transport them back to Kashyyk yourself?"

Ren regarded him as he ate. "Already forgetting about finding your best friend?"

"No, I'm just–"

"No more distractions. We came here to find Rey and that's what we're going to do."

Finn agreed with Ren. Again. Which he hated. Starting in on his own bundle of food, the two men ate in silence, with Ren finishing first. Every now and then Finn glanced over, watching Ren stare at the alcove as if going over a memory.

There must be a lot of memories for him aboard this ship. Ren flinched, and Finn wondered if he heard him.

Finn dragged in a rebellious breath, glanced down, and forced himself to say, "Thank you. For saving my life."

It was right about then when it happened. And Finn would have missed it if he hadn't chosen to crane his head up and look at Ren at that exact moment. The man was afraid, the fear shining brightly through those dark, moody eyes as he stared at his hands. But what was he so fearful of?

Himself.

"You didn't know you could do something like that?" Finn stated more than asked. He was fully expecting Ren not to–

"No," Ren breathed out, still looking at those unfamiliar palms. "How–." He cleared his tight voice. "How many people do you think were on that ship?"

Finn blinked back his surprise at hearing such a question come from him. "I, uh, don't know. Thirty? Forty? Fifty maybe? You might've wiped out the whole gang." Ren squeezed his eyes shut and hunched over, exhaling as his elbows relaxed on his knees. Finn swallowed down the last remnants of sustenance, feeling the calories give strength to his strung out muscles.

With Ren still in the same position, Finn knew he should probably leave the man alone. But he needed answers. "Look, I need to know if Caliiya is dead on that ship."

Ren glanced up, his eyes glossy. "She got off."

"You sure?"

Ren nodded.

Finn relaxed against the back of the seat, relieved. "Good."

Ren adjusted his posture. "You do realize she's probably going to find you later on. Greed won't allow her to pass up that many credits. I should've just killed her to save you from the trouble." Even though the gesture of getting rid of her was twisted, Ren made it sound like he would do it on Finn's behalf.

Finn wasn't exactly sure how to feel about that.

But he knew one thing: he did wish to see Caliiya again. At least in the sense that he wanted to help her. Even after the betrayal, Finn understood why she'd done it. The desperation in her voice… she couldn't go back to essentially being owned by Bala-Tik. Finn recognized her need for freedom, because he'd been there himself.

"You say that like she's a burden," Finn said.

"Women always are."

"Don't go saying things like that around Rey."

Ren pursed his lips, fighting back a hint of a smile.

"So… " Finn said, his fingers tracing the checkered table. "I, uh, guess I should also thank you for not killing her when you found out what she did. I didn't know you abhorred slavery so much, given the stormtrooper program."

Appearing to have better control over his emotions, Ren crossed his arms and reclined against the wall. "I never agreed with the method of children being taken and forced into a life they never asked for. I pushed for clones to be implemented, but it wasn't my call."

"Maybe there was something you–"

"There was nothing I could have done," Ren interrupted, his voice almost coming across as sympathetic. "By the time I got there, Hux's program had been active for too long. And it was showing the results everyone wanted."

"You really wanted the clone program instead?"

"Yes, and I made it known to Hux every chance I could."

There was a pause. Finn dropped his eyes to the floor. "I, uh, know this is probably going to come off the wrong way, but why are you here… talking to me like this?"

Ren frowned. "Like what?"

"Like we get along or something."

Now it was Kylo's turn to look away, his stare roaming over the pile of crates to his left. Brows knit, jaw clenched, lips thinned, the guy was perplexed by the question. No, Finn thought. Ren understood the question. It was the lack of an answer that made the man stumble and go quiet.

Finn frowned. "You know, I'd usually assume you're ignoring my question, but I truly think you don't know how to answer it." All he could do was blink and watch the man by the alcove. And Finn was sometimes confused by human emotion? Ren appeared absolutely lost. "So… all the things I've heard about Snoke breaking you and poisoning your mind is really true then," Finn said before he could stop himself.

Ren's head snapped up. "What?"

"Well, he took you when you were a child."

Ren gazed at Finn as if he said something outrageous. Or his skin just got darker. Or he'd grown an extra head on his shoulders. Or something.

Who the hell knew.

"He didn't take me when I was a child," Ren corrected him. "I chose to go to him when I was older."

Finn could be wrong – he wasn't – but it sounded like Ren was almost proud of that decision. And how twisted was that? Did Ren even realize how much Snoke ruined his life? Like, truly? Finn only heard the stories from Rey, but he had enough perspective to see that Ben Solo had been mentally abused since he was a baby.

Sitting and staring, it was like Finn was looking at a whole different person, someone who was still living with disillusionment. "For someone who abhors slavery, I'm baffled you can't see it."

Ren glanced around the room, his annoyance tightening his face. "See what?"

"Snoke enslaved you the moment you were born."

Ren growled. "I'm not a slave."

Finn wasn't intimidated. "Maybe not right now, but you were. Like I was. I mean, how do you know your thoughts were even your own? That was the hardest part for me, realizing that who I was was different than who they were trying to make me into." Finn never talked to anyone about his experience, not even with the other troopers. But there was something liberating with doing so here, now, with Kylo Ren. The man who once tried to murder him.

Finn looked at Ren's face, waiting for the tint of anger. But none came. The man just sat there, staring, appearing suddenly exhausted.

He knows, Finn thought. He knows it's the truth.

Neither spoke as time dragged on, the hum of hyperspace filling the void. Finn considered saying something else, but were words really necessary? Sometimes, silence was an acceptable way of showing empathy.

Seeing how Finn still had his own personal room, he decided now was a good time to use it. After he cleaned up in the refresher, of course. Heading to the living quarters, he stopped halfway when he heard Ren's voice. "Were you really willing to die for the Resistance back there?"

Finn turned. "I was."

"Why?"

Finn found the answer to be quite easy. "Because my whole life, I've never had choices. And that's what the First Order wants to take away from the galaxy: the right to choose. I want the chance to know what it feels like to live as a free man, to make my own decisions. So yeah, I was willing to die for a cause that believes in the individual, and that was my choice to make. You might think I'm naïve and small minded, but at the end of the day, it's better to fight for something I believe in than to live for nothing."

In a tone that was so matter-of-fact, Ren said, "Freedom is a state of mind. It's not real."

Finn gaped. "If you truly believe that, then I feel sorry for you." He turned to depart, leaving Ren to be alone.

Later that night, as Finn lied awake in bed, he thought over how therapeutic it was to talk about his time with the First Order, even if it was brief. Swinging his legs off the mattress, he went to his bags, finding his datapad. He sat down, lifting the tablet level with his face before initiating it to record.

"Hi," he said nervously. "I'm not really sure how to start one of these things, and I don't know if anyone will ever see this, which is fine. I'm doing this more for myself than for other people. So if anyone ever ends up watching this, I'm sorry if as I tell my story, it comes off choppy and confusing."

Finn leaned back so his spine rested against the wall, getting comfortable. "My name is Finn, and I am a former stormtrooper of the First Order."

()()()()()

Rey stood on the stoop, eyes grazing over the worn, metal door. After a lifetime of questioning where she came from, she was finally on the cusp of clarity.

Coming to Dandoran, specifically the city of Segin, had taken a full day according to the Galactic Standard Calendar. All the while, Rey researched the city that housed the Ropetho outpost, making a plan of where to go first.

This part of the planet was dominated by a large section of forest, it's evergreen trees, rolling hills, and high mountains and random lakes reminding Rey of Takodana. Except Maz's world had more green foliage on the floor, while here was mostly dirt and pine needles.

Hiding the freighter in a clearing a mile out of town, she followed the signs to civilization, running most of the way to tire out her nerves. The outpost was at the heart of the city, it's massive structure looking to be more like a multi-leveled shopping center. It stretched high into the sky, multiple docking ports attached to each level. There was heavy foot traffic inside, the noise of chatter overpowering whatever music was being played overhead.

This place was more like an indoor city than a trading post, especially when compared to Niima. Finding some employees in one of the many shops, they were able to answer most of her questions, painting her a clear picture of what happened to the once powerful family. Over centuries of building up their success, the family came to own the whole town, or at least had stakes in the other businesses. That was until the head of the family sold the empire a decade ago, him and his wife becoming recluses out in the woods north of town. After the passing of the husband a few years back, the wife, Soniee, was all that was left of the clan, the old woman opting never to venture into town again.

No one knew why the couple pulled out of all the prestige and wealth, and Rey could certainly tell it was still a hot topic of discussion and speculation.

But even through the depressing tale, she still had hope that there was at least one person left that could possibly be her family.

Which is how she came to this very doorstep, her newly heightened nerves giving her pause. What if the answers she sought were inside, with this woman? What if the truth was worse than living in the dark? What if Rey couldn't handle it?

Considering she probably already received the worst news of her life in the form of her parent's murder, she raised her knuckles and rapped on the door.

And waited.

And waited some more.

And began doubting if anyone was home.

Disappointed, she pivoted to leave. "Who's there?" an elderly woman voice said from the inside.

Rey spun around, almost tripping over her feet as she jumped up to the door. "I–." She stopped. What did I say? "I'm looking for the last member of the Ropetho family."

"Why?"

Rey hesitated, and then said, "I want to know about their history."

"You a reporter?"

"No. Just someone that's curious."

There was a pause. "Why should I tell you anything?"

"I think your history might help piece together my past."

Silence ensued as Rey's eyes darted between the scratches on the steel door.

At last, the barrier slid to the side, revealing an elderly woman sitting in a highly modernized hover chair. Her wintry white hair rested on her shoulders, her blood-flecked eyes giving Rey a dubious look. In her lap was a tiny blaster, hand wrapped around the grip, a crooked finger on the trigger, but she didn't lift it– which was a relief. She looked at Rey with pure shock before her facial expression dulled. "You tied to one of the other businesses in town?"

"I think so." A quaint breeze brushed past Rey, tousling her loose hair. The woman, who Rey assumed was Soniee, shivered, her thin beige tunic and trousers not doing much to warm her. Rey almost offered to come inside so the door could be closed, but her eyes fell back to the blaster, reminding her that this woman was very guarded.

Rey stuck to the summarized truth. "I was orphaned very young and my search for answers has led me here."

Soniee clucked her tongue, impatient. "What do you want to know?"

Rey chose to start with current events, since her existence fell under that category. "Why did you sell your assets ten years ago?"

"My husband was the one who sold it all."

"Did something happen to drive him to that decision?"

Soniee was forthright with the answer, explaining the circumstances quickly. "He didn't want any of it anymore. His life always revolved around what he could leave behind for his children, but with the death of our two sons and the disappearance of our daughter, we had no one to leave anything to. Our children were everything to him." By the end, her voice mingled with the bitterness of loss.

"I'm so sorry," Rey offered, taking a deep breath before pressing the woman further. "You said your daughter disappeared? Did you ever find out what happened to her?"

"No. And it wasn't just her that vanished. Her husband and daughter went missing as well." She glanced down. "It was… a hard time to get through."

Rey nodded solemnly, letting Soniee have a moment. "What were their names?" she asked softly.

The woman wiped at her eyes, even though there was no evidence of tears. "Maridia, Jacen, and their daughter Reyna."

Rey felt a thrill of hope run through her. This is the place. "Was Maridia your actual daughter?"

Soniee straightened. "Excuse me?"

"Did you adopt her?"

The woman's nostrils flared. "I gave birth to her, as I did all my children. Now, I think it's about time you leave." Soniee went for the control panel, but Rey twisted her arm inside and covered the mechanism.

"I look like her, don't I? That's why you were surprised when you opened the door. You thought I was her."

Soniee blanched at Rey's audacity, and struggled to form words. "What do you want? You want money? Is that why you're trying your hand with this con?" Because Rey saw that Soniee's chest was trembling, because she knew that she had indeed brought up the woman's pain, because she could see this topic was her weak spot, Rey fell silent. "If you need help, there is a shelter in town you can go to."

They kept eye contact, but as Rey's stare softened, Soniee's grew hard. Rey let her hand fall down to her side.

"My family is dead," Soniee spat out, her features contorting in anger. "And you are a sick young woman to come here and try to persuade me that you're my daughter."

"Not your daughter, but –" Soniee suddenly went for the activation panel, initiating the door shut, the steel almost grazing the tip of Rey's nose. She leaned back, shocked.

This wasn't how it was supposed to go.

"If you ever come on my property again, I'll shoot you myself!" Soniee's muffled voice yelled.

Rey's steps were heavy as she reeled back, eventually turning to face the trail that led her here. Every few meters, she would stop and glance over her shoulder. She didn't want to leave, not when she was so close to knowing about a slice of her life. That woman in there… she was her family. The only living relative she had left.

Rey couldn't give up. Wouldn't.

She'd come back tomorrow, and the next day, and the day after that until Soniee finally listened to her. Rey could deal with having a blaster bolt fired her way. By now, she was quite accustomed to it.

And seeing that woman's pain and sorrow, the uncertainty, she deserved to know what happened to her daughter. No more mysteries for either of them.

As Rey turned onto the busy walkway to enter into the city, her eyes swept over the meandering locals, and she thought to herself that at some point, she was bound to get some good news. With all of Skywalker's lectures focusing on balancing her emotions, the concept had to also apply to life in general. Right?

So tomorrow was going to work out, because she was statistically long overdue for some serious good fortune.

And then, after she gets her past in order, Rey would need to decide how to rejoin the fight against the First Order. Going back to the Resistance was not an option. Nor could she contact Finn or Poe, since they probably were disgusted with her.

The only choice left was Ben. But Rey still needed time to think through an apology before contacting him.

Passing through the city, she took the dirt road leading to the nearby lake, its path winding up and up until she had a clear view of the water. Keeping left, the thick trees soon obstructed her view as she made her way down the hill, getting closer to the clearing where she landed the freighter.

Rounding a short bend in the road, Rey's stomach growled, demanding to be fed. But her trial with trying to cook in the kitchen on the way over here had ended disastrously. She should've picked something up in town, but being so close to the ship, she decided to stick with rations.

Rey groaned as she thought of how she needed to clean–

She froze. Stopped breathing. And blinked.

There, standing only a short distance down the path, was the last person Rey ever expected to see:

Finn.

A/N

Next chapter starts off with how Finn and Ben finding Rey, so don't worry, we will see their pov. And I'm not sure if any of you thought this, but there will be NO love triangle between Rey, Ben, and Kayani. While editing, I realized that some of you might perceive it that way, and I just want to calm you down by saying it won't happen. Promise. All these connections Ben now has comes into play at the very end of the story. And if any of you remember the scene where Ben is waking up after dying, he felt something different about the bond. As if another person was there. He was sensing Kayani, but never looked into it. So this has always been planned.

And Rey is getting closer to the truth! But now Finn arrived, and Ren is waiting. How do you think she'll react? She didn't want to see Ben this soon, but hey, you can't get what you wish for.

For those of you who were really wanting Finn to shine and save them from their peril, worry not. I have things planned for him in the future that will give him his moment. Or more like multiple moments.

And when Finn is doing his journal, I realized that's exactly how I feel while writing this story. He sums it up perfectly for me.

Apologies for any grammatical errors. I do plan on going through this chapter again. Just wanted to post it. Now the next chapter might take longer for me to post. I'm leaving to Maui for a week at the beginning of May, and I doubt I'll be writing at all. I'm sorry!

If you have a minute, leave a review! Thanks for reading!