Chapter 5: Without Her

Flashback's of yesterday kept on replaying on my mind, Especially the way she said goodbye. I felt sadder every time it replayed...

"Raku, Is there something bothering you?" Yui asked worriedly as she sat beside me.

I scratched my head, "I guess."

She laughed lightly and shook my arm, "Is it about Chitoge-chan?" He guessed looking at me expectantly.

I nod.

"So what about her? What's the problem?"

Crawling towards my bag I bring out the ribbon-her treasured red ribbon.

" That ribbon!" Yui pointed out.

I was shocked curious at what she meant,"What do you mean?"

She smiled sweetly,"Can't you remember? Ten hear's ago you told Chitoge that a red ribbon would look great on her you know like from the book we all read...but now I can't remember it anymore..., Anyways.I was there when you told her that. Never thought that she would take it seriously."

Shockingly I suddenly remembered that, And the book...Still doesn't ring the bell.

So that's why she treasured it so much...,I thought.

"Well setting that aside, Why do you have it?" She asked.

I looked away remembering her goodbye which made me sad.

"She gave this to me because she had to leave..." I answered not really looking forward on saying that.

"Why would she leave!? Did you do something to make her leave?"

"Please I don't want to talk about it now." And then I went outside my room and she didn't follow.

I walked through the halls and saw that the main hall was lighted. Why in such a late hour?

Then I felt somebody grab my wrist, Yui?

"Shh... We shouldn't eavesdrop at them, for them to be talking this way it must he very important.

"But I wa-" I was cut off as she dragged me away.

She shut me up by punching me in the gut once we reached a little farther from them.

"That hurt,Damn it. Fine. "

And so She let go of me and I went straight to my room."Why did you leave Chitoge..." And then I fell to sleep.

I woke up early as usual to cook 'our' breakfast.

It took me awhile to cook, but as usual(again)I finished it on time and served it to our family-gang.

"Bocchan~ This is the best!" Then followed by another compliment,"You would make a great boss!" And then I sweatdropped. Are you serious about that?

I ate my breakfast quickly and left home with there 'Good-bye's and Good-luck's'

Wait. Where's Yui-nee?

She must have gone earlier this time without breaking into my room and all.

I walked towards school in silence. Usually Chitoge would run up and insult me early in the morning-In truth. I kind of miss her insults.

"R-raku-kun..., O-ohayo!" Kosaki stuttered as her cheeks flushed in bright pink.

I blushed,"O-ohayo, Kosaki!" But suprisingly. I felt like i was still unsatisfied.

"Should we go to school...to-together?" She asked shyly as she carried her bag with both of her hands.

Blushing back(weirdly)I nodded in approval.

We walked in silence, Not speaking to each other because...you know, We both admitted that we liked-loved each other the other day.

Just then I saw Tsugumi leaning in a wall looking like she had lost somebody important. Wait, Of course. Chitoge!

She noticed us and glared at me.

I was surprised at the flying kick she had thrown at me."Argh!"

"Raku kun!" Kosaki screamed out running towards my side.

"What's wrong Tsugumi!? Why did you kick Raku!?" Kosaki asked determined to get an answer. This was a side I've only seen a few times when she sees me hurt, It took me long enough to realize it.

"Tsugumi?"

Then Tsugumi faced me,Tears in her eyes.

"Young miss-No. Chitoge-chan Left! And it's all because..." Then she stopped talking as if she was about to spill something really important if she continued.

Kosaki-chan pulled me up supporting me and not uttering a word after what she heard about Chitoge.

Tsugumi never looked back and proceeded on going to our classroom, I hadn't notice. But we sure drew a lot of attention.

Ignoring it, Kosaki and I went to our classroom, Upon opening the door everybody had grim faces the aura of the classroom felt heavy, everyone was holding a letter,some girls were crying, Ruri has a sad frown,Shu looked so gloomy. No Everybody looked so gloomy, Wven Marika who often bantered with Chitoge looked sad as well.

"What happened?"

Nobody answered.

I took my seat and Kosaki took her's, And then Yui-sensei came in carrying her bag filled with books.

She looked like everyone inside the classroom except for me and Kosaki.

"I'm sorry to tell you this but Chitoge-chan has left this school, No. She has left Japan for some personal reasons.

Everybody looked down at their own desks sadly.

"So class..., Shall we start our lesson?" Yui-sensei asked trying to lighten everybody's mood.

So she really left, That Gorilla-girl's gone now.

I should be happy now that I could progress better with Kosaki, But just why..., Why do I feel this way? Did I love her?

Then yesterday's memory played again in my mind.

The way she had said those lines felt so nostalgic, At that time I couldn't really comprehend my feelings. I didn't know, but when she rode the car my body just moved on it's own. My mouth spoke on it's own, The way I screamed at her. Telling her to not go. Why?

I looked at the empty desk beside me.

She was gone.

I scratched my head, Damn this. Why am I feeling this way?

It was once again dismissal time.

Nobody really tried to be happy today, Everybody was still overcome with sadness.

So she really affected the whole class, I guess I'm not surprised. Chitoge was really special.

Tsugumi didn't speak to me, Kosaki and Ruri went home early saying goodbye to me nefore they left, Marika didn't cling to me like she always did though she smiled at me when she left but then it turned into a frown once she got out of the door. Heck even the aloof and happy-go-lucky Shuu didn't act that way today.

I can't understand this! I should be happy...

The wind blew hard and a piece of paper flew from my desk. "What's this?"

I picked it up curious at what it is. Upon closer look it was a letter.

Opening it I was shocked to see that it was from Chitoge. It had stains or marks or something...could it be tears?

No way, Gorilla-girl crying? She rarely does that...when she's afraid.

"...Stupid Beansprout! I hate you so much! I hate you! I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!"

I paused for a moment taking in what she just wrote. She hates me?, I laughed a little but then I saw the next sentences.

"But, I'm sorry but i hate you so much for making me feel this way! You stupid beansprout! Stop being so kind to me! Stop caring for me! Just stop..., If you don't. I'll just fall in love with you more and more..."

Wh-what!? This isn't like her at all.

I read more.

"You're clumsy, You're short, You're like a girl! You're...You're the guy who saves me when I cry just like in my diary. I admit, I hated you so much when you dared to insult me. I hated you...but it was only for awhile because despite you're bad points. You were always there. You showed me so much of you're good points too...and then when you saved me from the forest I knew that I began on liking you. And after I found out that I had a key I was so happy because... I just thought that I may have a chance with you, That...that you might be the boy who was my first love! And so I secretly hid my feelings for you. And days and month's passed by and it only grew stronger. And the day we played as Romeo and Juliet. That was the day. The day that I realized that I was in love with you, for real. I wanted to believe that I was the promised girl...but then Yui-sensei came and then I found out that I may not stand a chance at all. And then when I finally got the guts to tell you...I didn't let you finish. I'm sorry if I left that day. And then the following day I ignored you, and then I also found out that you were already in love with Kosaki-chan. I cried and cried and started hating myself for not being good enough. And so the following day I tried to be strong enough to forget all about my for you. But then that day you ignored me. And I felt alone. That day I just thought. 'Maybe I was born to be alone...' And-and..."

I stopped, not noticing that I was already crying...since when?

I continued reading her letter with my guilt of ignoring her that day.

"And-and...I just knew that you hated me I felt like there was a huge wall separating me from you. I cried again and again, Thinking that we may have been living in different worlds as well. The following day you spoke to me and I felt so relieved, but then I started screaming at you forgetting the fact that I was the one wrong. And so our class went on and at lunch I was alone again. This is the time I was writing this letter to everybody and to you, Damn you Stupid Beansprout! I'm even crying right now! And it just won't stop!...,I just hope that I get enough time to say goodbye to you later..."

I gritted my teeth wiping the tears that had kept on falling. "Damn this!" And I was so shocked that there was no more at the piece of paper, frantically I flipped it and saw her last message for me.

"If I don't get to say this later then I'm saying it now for the last time. Raku I'm sorry for hurting you, for hating you, and for realizing my feelings so late. Raku even though I'm out of character now and you're probably laughing you're ass off."

I laughed at that part and then It disappeared so quickly.

"Ichijou Raku, Zwasse In Love! I hope you find you're promised girl! And please take care of everybody for me. Raku who I insulted,the guy who I frequently hurt, But nonetheless. The guy I fell in love ." And then it was over.

I flipped the pages again only to see that it was the last of it.

Falling to the ground I screamed in anger.

I hate myself. I even questioned myself on why was feeling this way, but deep inside. I knew...I knew that I really cared about her but I covered that with Kosaki's love for me and my love for her fearing that I'd lose Onodera.

"Chitoge...I'm sorry."

I hugged the piece of paper crying as I missed her. "Why did I only realize it now!?"

Pausing. I wiped my tears.

Why did I only realize now that I loved her.

To Be Continued...

A/N

TT_TT Aww man I'm starting to hate myself as well. I'm so sorry Raku and Chitoge! I'll make it up to you in the future chapters! Anyways..., Please RxR and give me your opinions! I'd make the story more interesting, oh by the way, I do not own Nisekoi, my drawing skills...umm's not in that level yet ya know but I can really draw! *^* xD anyways. Please look forward at the next chapter ^_^ Ja-Ne!