The Space Between Stars

by VinVenture12

Kylo Ren has been humiliated by the scavenger and is now hunting her for retribution. He delves deeper into the depths of darkness along his journey, while Rey soars closer to the light. Strangers on opposite sides of a war, but bound together through their destinies. Both will do whatever it takes to survive, but who will come out victorious? Slow Reylo. Post TFA, Later M rating

41. Chapter 41

Thank you all for the reviews, follows, and faves!

So I had intended for this chapter to be out sooner, but I took a week and a half vacation out to California to visit family and got behind. Sorry for the wait! I'm really pushing to get this story done by the time the movie comes out in December. If it's not, it will be finished shortly after. I'm gonna try to get the next chapter out within a few weeks, but Salt Lake Comic Con is happening Sept. 21-23 and I have been trying to work on my costumes! So I'm stressing, to say the least.

NightElfCrawler: I think the pressure didn't just crack Ben, but Luke as well. As he said, too much responsibility can break someone. And Luke was trying to prepare Ben for whatever the Force had in mind for him while trying to rebuild the Jedi in the way of the old times. But Ben is pretty much used to his family being deceiving. sweetes forbiden candy apple: Shout it from the rooftops: REYLO! Aleta Wolff: Going after the bounty hunter is a good guess, but no, that's not where Ren has gone. The chapter immediately answers the question to what has happened to him, though. Hope the wait was worth it for this chapter! SheLitAFire: Rey and her lectures. You'll actually see that brought up towards the end of the chapter. And Threepio, always the worrier. And always butting into conversations. He has zero social awareness. lol. I'm glad you didn't find the chapter boring. I have to explain things for the ending to make sense. And I wanted to bring in some canonical material about the galaxy into it. Ben dancing is odd, but he wouldn't do it for any one other than Rey. He wants to give her these experiences, which would mean makeover time! I do hope by the time the trilogy is over that we see Rey done up or in a beautiful gown or something. Let the girl experience being a woman and feeling pretty! Caliiya is a person that is use to being on her own. But I think deep down, she does want to be a better person than what the galaxy has morphed her into. She tried to save her father, which shows she has good intentions. Her and Ren are similar in personality. So Finn being drawn to her is a bit funny and interesting. Kayani is... well, Kayani. There is more to it all then what she's been telling them. But does that make her evil? Are her intentions pure? Well, no one has pure intentions. You can hate her, I don't mind. lol. It is fishy that she all of a sudden supports their relationship. Was Kayani given a new piece of information pertaining to Rey and Ben? Maybe... hehe.

Thanks for the reviews and for those following this very long story! This chapter has a lot going on in it. But when does one of my chapters doesn't? ;)

Chapter Forty-One

Ren placed a gloved hand against the wall, relieving himself next to a tall pile of broken furniture in the alley. He could hear the scuttling and squeaks of rats, his vision catching one running down the bricked pathway further into the dark.

Instead of going back the way he came from the shadows, he wanted to glimpse the Nimetra district that was right down the way. When he was younger, his mother would take him with her to visit Chandrilla, the place of his birth, and they would stay in this area.

The medcenter was actually pretty close to here.

Walking out of the alleyway, he…

…stopped where he was.

An enclosed speeder came down the street, Ren sensing someone all too familiar.

He watched as the hovercraft stopped in front of a lavish hotel – The Austere, where Ren and his mother had frequented. A human woman and man got out, both laughing and grabbing at each other.

Ren narrowed his eyes.

The woman was none other than Carise Sindian. The man he didn't know. Didn't matter.

The newly flared feeling in his heart was undeniably recognizable: Vengeance. Icy, cold vengeance. So much of it that the shit ran straight into infinity.

However, he was not on Chandrila for Carise. His target was Brendol. But when was he ever going to have another opportunity to randomly find this woman again? This right here was providence.

So take the risk, or lose the chance?

A chill claimed his neck, a prompting warning him to turn back. That nothing good would come out of this. That revenge would not grant him peace of mind.

He ignored it.

Ren ambled carefully across the street, treading on the balls of his feet, feeling through his worn boots for the piece of trash or loose gravel that would give him away. There weren't many people out tonight, most probably at the theatre. So he moved as quietly as a soft breeze, as subtle as an animal.

His blood pumped with pure anticipation, his mind racing with all the different scenarios he could enact. On so many levels he was a typical predator: the chase was more electric than the capture and consumption.

Carise and her date walked through the entrance, sashaying beside the man and hip touching his with every other step, intent on the subtleties of womanly seduction. And the man was into it. Amused. Smiling at whatever she was saying.

He followed them into the hotel. The floor was tiled in fine white and grey marble, echoing the footsteps of the elegantly dressed occupants. But he didn't marvel at the architecture along with the other guests. He ignored the tall stained glass windows that reached the high domed ceiling, the deep green and gold accents of the walls, and the neatly placed, silk embroidered furniture.

He could have been in a hovel and his reaction wouldn't have been any different.

Close. Closer he came. Ren could almost hear their conversation, but stopped before he got in range. He didn't want to give himself away.

Patience.

His eyes stayed on their trail as they entered an elevator. Just before the doors closed, Carise pulled the man down to her lips. Her date's arousal was very distinct, even from across the lobby. But Carise… no such emotion emanated from her. The woman's performance was highly deceiving.

Ren waited in the atrium long enough for them to have made it to their room by now. Getting in the lift, Ren didn't need to find out what floor they would be on, for the very top held all the most lavish suites. Carise wouldn't stay in anything less.

Exiting into the same décor found in the atrium below, he slowly walked past each room's door:

Empty.

Empty.

Prostitution.

Infidelity.

Empty.

He halted near the end, slowly turning his head to the right. This was it.

Ren knocked. No answer. He knocked again.

"What is it?" a masculine voiced billowed, footsteps nearing the door.

"Room service," Ren answered.

"Room service?" The man opened the door, looking at Ren questioningly. "We didn't order any–"

Ren grabbed the man by the neck, throttling him to the ground, the door closing them in. The man tried to fight back, but was pinned by Ren's sizable weight.

Even through his gloves, Ren could feel the arteries and veins and tendons of the neck. He could feel the way the blood hammered trying to reach the brain. The way the muscles twisted. The man's windpipe convulsed, the entire body jerking, a wild spasm, organs desperate for oxygen. The brain was in panic mode, sending out a last ditch effort of nerve signals.

A black shadow draped over Ren, slinking its way in, igniting his brain and ushering in an intrusion of malice and need.

Ren squeezed harder. The man blacked out.

Ren released his hold before he killed him. This person wasn't his true target, and it would be wise to practice some form of self-control.

As he went to his feet, he found Carise standing straight ahead, just outside the entryway to the refresher, like she just stumbled upon the scene. She backed away in horror, her alarm almost comical. Ren mentally shut the corridor, denying her refuge.

He pushed his hair back, revealing eyes as black as inky pools, skin as pale as a full moon.

Ren regarded Carise with all the compassion one would bring to a confrontation such as this – which was zero. "I know this is all very untoward, but I wanted the chance to speak with you. Alone."

Moving slowly to the left, he walked along the perimeter of the sitting area, looking at the ornate art pieces on the wall, the sculptures that were placed in the corners, the muted holoscreen playing something of insignificance. He was politely giving Carise some space so she could come terms with what was happening.

Finally the woman found her voice. "You – you can't do this. I'm here in a diplomatic manner in the name of the First Order."

Ren stopped at a glass hover cart, looking over the many colored liquids in the clear, crystal bottles. "Diplomatic," he slightly chuckled, a mirthless sound. "I didn't know you were capable of making a joke." He touched the glass filled with the amber liquid, thinking that it looked exactly like the stuff his father loved to drink.

"I – I have rights–"

He pegged her with a hard stare, shutting her up. "Sweetheart, you don't have shit." He motioned to the loungers in the middle of the room. "Please, sit."

She didn't move. Ren decided to lead by example and walked to one of the chairs, lounging on the plush white cushions, arms relaxing on the citrine trim of the armrest. Carise reluctantly sat across from him, back poised, hands resting atop her deep purple gown.

Even in danger, the woman showed elegance. He could respect that, at least.

Staring at her, Ren crossed his legs ankle to knee. "The man you're with. Who is he?"

She held her head a little higher, searching for some measure of dignity. "The Executive Minister of Chandrila."

"And neither of you have security?"

"He's engaged," she stated, not even embarrassed by that fact. "We didn't want to draw attention."

Ren glanced back at the unconscious man, seeing the bruises already forming on his neck. For a man with secrets, he was going to get a lot of questions about those.

He looked back to Carise. "Did the First Order take any prisoners from the Resistance base?"

She raised a brow, somewhat showing confidence. "You mean Organa's doctor?"

His eyes flared. "Where is she?" he growled.

Carise had the audacity to laugh at him. "Hux was right. You care about that woman." She shrugged indifferently. "I'm afraid I don't know of her whereabouts. She's alive, though. For now, anyway."

He sensed she was telling the truth, and that she didn't have any more information on Harter. Ren quickly composed himself and moved on. "Do you know where Snoke resides?"

"No."

"Does the Order have anymore super weapons?"

"No. Starkiller Base was it." She held his gaze, almost too ardently.

"You're lying." He dove into her mind. Carise grabbed at her head, crying out. A plea slipping through her lips.

Ren found the answers quickly since they were at the forefront of her thoughts. "Jakku," he muttered, brows drawing together, his mind searching deeper. "There's something powerful on Jakku…." He withdrew once he couldn't find anything else. Carise collapsed in the chair, cradling her skull, groaning. "What is it?"

She shook her head, hair falling out of the once neatly coiled bun her fingers had dug into. "I don't know," her voice trembled. "Supreme Leader is very protective of whatever's there." Ren's gaze pinched. "That's all I know. I swear."

"But you think it's a weapon… because you overheard Hux describing it as such."

Carise pressed her lips together, defiant.

"You can answer," he said. "Or you can be made to answer."

She took in a few ragged breaths. "Is this the part where you take me to the remnants of the Resistance so they can put me in a cage and interrogate me?"

Ren splayed a hand on his chest, sardonically saying, "Oh, I apologize for giving you the wrong impression. You see, I'm not here to capture you." His brows quickly dropped low, his dark eyes growing shrewd. "I'm here to kill you." Carise paled, the air growing frigid. "Do you not remember what I told you the last time we saw each other? I swore to end your life. And lately, I've been putting a lot of effort into keeping my promises."

Carise was now visibly sweating. "How can you be so casually cruel?"

The side of his mouth ticked upward. "Casually cruel?" He tried out the phrase, finding that he liked it. "Mind if I steal that?"

"You take what you want, anyway."

"And you don't?"

"No.

"No?

"No. What I've taken has been in an effort to help raise up the First Order. To create the stage upon which it was introduced," she preached, as if naming off her efforts would change his mind. "I've been detrimental in producing a power that will remain for thousands of years. Can you say the same?"

He thought it over. "I mass produce the dead. Does that count?"

Carise flinched at his answer. "I – I was giving you the chance to come back without facing any severe consequences. I was trying to help you. All you had to do was kill –"

"My mother?"

"You murdered your own father. I thought you'd want to complete the set."

Ren preferred to always fall back on silence for an answer. Especially when a conversation hit too close to home. Or feelings. But seeing how Carise wasn't going to make it out of this room alive…. "Do you ever feel like you're being used by them?" The question confused her. "The First Order," Ren clarified. "Not the men you so flippantly fuck around with."

Carise held her tongue.

Ren continued. "I, in fact, was being used. More so by Snoke than anyone else, but I didn't realize it till I left. Till I learned that he never wanted me as an apprentice, but a vessel in which to transfer his soul into." Her hooded eyes widened. "Do you know what would happen to me in the process?"

…."You'd die?"

"Correct," he said, like she was a student answering a difficult question. "My life force would perish, but he would have my body. The whole time I was with the Order, I thought I was meant for great things: to follow in my grandfather's footsteps, stabilizing this rotting galaxy and bringing about an era of enlightenment. Of like mindedness."

His features hardened as he remembered the deeds he'd done. Some he sickeningly enjoyed. "I followed my master's orders like a blind dog. I killed my father with the promise that the conflict inside me would perish. Didn't take me long to realize that was a lie. Just more and more lies. And now I am forever ruined by the fact I committed patricide."

Ren spread out his arms. "Then you came along on Lothal, offering me my mother. And for a moment, I admit, I did consider killing her. I hate that I even thought that much. And who put me in that position? You. You reminded me just how much of a decrepit human being I am. And I hate reminders."

Carise's breathing had become more shallow. "Why are you telling me all this?"

Rey unexpectedly reached out to him through their bond. He ignored her.

"The dead keep the best secrets."

Carise glared at him, her palms grabbing at the armrests as she listed forward. "So you were used. Everybody is. I accepted my purpose because I could see the bigger picture. You, on the other hand, lack vision."

He tilted his head to the side, regarding her tenacity as either foolishness, or bravery. He couldn't decide. "Still so loyal to the First Order."

"Always. I may have let my personal vendettas cloud my judgment on Lothal, but I am more devoted than ever."

Carise's eyes darted to the right before meeting his again. It was so quick, she probably didn't even realize she had done it. But Ren noticed. He turned in the direction she'd been looking… and that was when he felt it. He stood, going to a small, black box on the side table next to the bed. Opening it, his breath caught in his throat.

With a shaky hand, he picked up his once lost saber hilt, holding it with a holiness that rivaled religion.

"I died on Lothal," he said distantly, still in awe of finding the weapon. He twisted his body around slowly, seeing now that she was severely shaking, frightened by his discovery. "But you probably knew that." He held up the weapon. "You took this as a trophy, didn't you?" Carise gulped. "Oh, I don't blame you. I quite like trophies, myself."

Ren moved forward. She bolted for the door, pounding at the operation panel, but it wouldn't work.

Her desperation fed that vicious part of him that was always watching, always waiting: The Shadow. It lurked in the pit of his gut and between the disks of his spine. Sometimes, it peered through his eyes. Other times it helped free him up to nurturing his violent obsession, his mind intensifying, his body becoming savage.

It helped him to enjoy what was to come.

Carise pressed her back against the wall as she kept her sight on him, moving toward the refresher door.

"All I've ever done has been in the name of the First Order," she cried out, trying to make him understand. "Snoke wanted you alive. I – I didn't know Cato would kill you."

He smiled. When death was at ones door, there was usually a process to all the pleading.

Protestations of innocence: that came first.

Ren kept advancing, menacingly unhurried.

"I have money," she proclaimed. Hopeful. "I'll give you as much as you want. I won't even tell Hux that I saw you."

Bribery was second.

Carise bolted to the refresher and was able to open and close the door. Ren unlocked it with ease, Carise letting out a yelp of surprise.

She scooted back against the sink. "Please," she begged, tears shining down her cheeks. "I don't want to die."

Ren stopped in front of her. "What was that?"

"I don't want to die," she said on a sob.

Ren stood there, breathing evenly, his power coiled in his tightly balled fist and grip on the saber. "You're going to have to speak up."

And that was when everything went quiet.

Carise hung her head, the trembling subsiding, the sobs softening. There was nothing she could do to change her fate. She could see that now.

Acceptance: that was last.

"Can you make it quick?" she whispered, defeated.

"No."

There were no hesitations, no hiccups in routine. Ren ignited his saber and lanced it right through her chest, barely missing her heart. He held her waist, bringing her body close so she wouldn't fall. Her head rested against his sternum as he brought his lips to her ear. "May the dirt above your grave be heavy."

Turning off the plasma blade, he let her go and stepped aside, letting her crumble and clutch at the wound. With her free arm, she dragged herself out of the refresher, groaning as a trail of blood stained the manicured floor.

Ren watched as her nails tried to find traction on the marble, listened to her sloshy breaths, smelled the crisp metallic aroma of her blood. She was getting close to her unconscious date near the doorway. Ren levitated the man to the bedroom so Carise had more room to crawl. But she never made it. Her cheek smashed against the floor, her mouth murmuring something indecipherable. Maybe a prayer, if she believed in that sort of thing.

Then she took her last breath. Eyes open. Looking to what one hoped to be hell.

Ren was now seated in one of the lounge chairs, not knowing exactly when he had made the move. But he was too enamored by the way Carise's face transitioned to that matte grey color of death to question his sanity at the moment.

He leaned back, putting his feet up on the dark walnut center table. His enormous boots made the elegant thing look like a footstool.

He wasn't sure how long he looked at the corpse. Feeling neither content, nor gleeful. He was just there, somewhere within himself.

There was something cool in his hand. He glanced down. He was holding the crystal decanter that was filled with the amber liquid. He opened the top, sniffing at the fumes.

Corellian brandy.

He didn't recall grabbing it. Didn't know why. He didn't drink anymore.

And then everything snapped forward, time unfixing its hold on this slow, perfect moment. Rey was trying to contact him again, their bond echoing like heat from a distant fire. But her attempts to break through weren't enough to tear through his defenses.

However, it did serve as a reminder of what he was truly doing on this planet.

He put the bottle back on the hover cart and went to the door. With one last glance at Carise, he exited quietly, taking the lift to the lobby and walking out into the cool night.

Retracing his route, he went back to where he had left Poe and Finn.

They weren't there.

Ren cursed under his breath. The play wasn't over yet. The two men probably went searching for him shortly after he didn't return. He'd been gone way too long. Did they notify Jess and Rey? And what would he say when they ask him where he'd been?

Of course he was going to lie, even if he did abhor the practice of deception. But he had to make it sound believable.

Problem was, nothing came to mind.

Not. One. Excuse.

Ren idly walked a few blocks, racking his brain for an idea. Passing by a crowded cantina, his eyes were involuntarily drawn to the noise inside.

Ren froze. Eyes squinting at the holoscreen just above the bar.

Hurriedly, he entered the establishment, seeing the sharp face of Hux speaking to the enthralled crowd. He pushed himself closer, willing his ears to hear.

"– are only two possibilities: either we remain lawless and divided under the New Republic, or we unite for a better and just galaxy. The former must not occur. We are witnessing a great turning point in history, one where the state of the galaxy is no longer questionable. The Senate that once governed us, who bickered and fought with one another, never achieving anything, never bettering the lives of you, the citizen, are now gone. The First Order is here to organize the chaos that surrounds you, to give you the opportunity to thrive. But we must not forget those who through thirty years of a hopeless state, nursed their fervent faith to the Empire, making it possible for us to be here today."

The crowd hung on every word. Or they were just scared to show their blatant disagreement out in the open.

"But with progressiveness comes opposition. We denounce the renegade terrorists of the Resistance and want to make sure you know their faces. Kylo Ren was once a trusted member of this organization, but he has betrayed us and has tried to slow down our cause through treachery and bloodshed. His depravity and mental state are questionable, and he is highly dangerous and hard to control, even going as far as murdering his own father." Whispers spread throughout the place, most looking disgusted.

"No," Ren whispered for himself alone.

Hux held his head up a bit higher. "He must be found and brought in alive. We ask for your help in this. Five hundred million credits is the reward." Everyone gasped, becoming more attentive. "We were able to acquire recordings of his interrogation methods, in which he went against specific orders and murdered the prisoners. Here is what we've been able to recover so you can know his face."

And then there he was, on the screen, the voidless monster he had become. There were only three recordings, each one only lasting no more than ten seconds, but they showed enough. Not just his face, but it showed his brutality in killing those people. He actually remembered one of them. He had enjoyed killing that prisoner so much, that he had the body's ashes added to his pedestal.

Ren was still steadily staring at the screen when out of his periphery he noticed people were starting to point at him, those closest giving him a wide berth.

The panic came at him like a tidal wave a million feet high, spinning him, smothering him, crushing him.

This was it. Now everyone knew who he was, what he'd done. What will Rey think of all this? Had she seen the broadcast yet? And his mother… she'll see him killing the people who fought for her.

What would the fallout be? Who would he lose?

Slowly, methodically, Ren made his way to the exit, the weight of his saber feeling heavy upon his belt, as if reminding him of its purpose: to defend, or destroy. His hand itched to hold it, to intimidate those who were now getting closer.

Movement in the back of the crowd caught his attention.

Multiple beings were coming in his direction, skirting through the pockets of people. Outfits and species all different, but the way they moved hinted that they were after the same target: him.

He bolted. Thoughts, noises, and pollution rang through his mind as he darted past pedestrians, almost getting hit by a land speeder in the process. As he turned down an alleyway, he tried to recall where he was and how to get back.

Rounding a corner sharply, he rammed right into another person. Both men went to the ground, Ren skidding on his back. He clambered to his feet to keep moving–

"Ben?"

()()()()()

The Chandrila Opera House was of a more vintage style than the modern durachrome you'd find in most places of entertainment. Dark wood beams and rails lined the four balconies, red tapestries draped over the walls, with crimson carpets to match. The ceiling was pure gold, the chandelier bigger than an average sized ship, lined with thousands upon thousand of glittering crystals, each one showing the spectrum of a rainbow.

Rey and Jess sat in their own private booth on the second level, having a perfect view of Brendol right across the theatre. Ben didn't tell Rey how much it had cost to acquire such a spot on extreme short notice. But it required paying both the theatre and the people who had already reserved the location.

Rey decided to remain ignorant on the details, instead choosing to enjoy this rare experience.

Jess leaned in close, whispering, "Close your legs."

"Huh?"

Jess pointed to how her own knees were touching under her black, shimmering gown, her ankles crossed and tucked to the side of the chair leg, giving Rey an example to follow.

Rey hadn't even noticed her improper manners and how the long slit that ran up to her thigh had started to show more than what was desired. She adjusted the garment, copying Jess's pose of appearing aristocratic.

"Have any other security shown up?" Rey asked, glancing to a relaxed looking Brendol. He actually looked to be asleep in his chair, chin resting on his sternum, eyes closed.

"Just the two men that are with him. But there could be more outside or with his transportation."

Rey went contemplatively quiet.

"You okay?" Jess asked.

"This night has just been so… weird. But in a good way. Going to dinner, being here, I never thought I would do something like this. I know this is a mission, but is it bad that I'm enjoying myself so far?"

Jess chuckled. "Not bad at all. Maybe we should thank Brendol for making this happen."

Rey smiled.

The lights dimmed, the sweeping sound of music filling the hall, hushing the crowd. Rey's eyes watched, mesmerized as the curtains drew back and the play began.

The classic opera was called Madra Teene, and it told the story of a clash between a colonial world and a droid uprising against their controllers. Apparently this famous group – the Tantrellius Theatre Groupe – was on a hyperdrive tour, leaving tomorrow to their next venue.

Maybe she really should thank Brendol for this opportunity.

Rey had no idea people could sing so harmoniously, so powerfully. Show so much emotion when all this was was pretend. It made her smile, brought her to tears, carried her to a time when she was younger and would hum herself to sleep. She'd forgotten what music could do to a soul, how healing it could be.

Jess suddenly left, but Rey barely noticed. The opera was at the part where the people were starting to find out the droids were planning a total takeover. Her heart was beating with adrenaline, wondering how they would deal with–

Jess nudged her shoulder, kneeling next to her chair. "Poe commed me. They need us to come out and meet them."

"What? Why?!" Rey whispered harshly, her frustration quickly exposed.

Jess shrugged, not looking too happy about it either. "All he said was that there's a problem."

Rey's body tensed as she held in her scream. She looked back at the performers with sad eyes before rising and leaving. It was childish, but she wanted to cry. The moment had been taken from her. Cut short. Like most things in her life.

This is an official assignment, she reminded herself. Hold your head up. Don't look angry.

The last part was hard to do.

Poe and Finn were waiting for them across from the venue, neither appearing pleased. Rey searched for Ben as they neared, but he wasn't with them.

Rey went right into it. "Where's Ben?"

The two men exchanged a look.

"That would be the problem," Finn stated. "Because he's gone."

Rey's shocked stare bounced between them, not even knowing how to respond to that.

Jess raised her voice. "Gone? What, he just vanished?"

"He went into an alley to take a piss alone and never came back," Poe explained, anger lining his expression.

"Do you think he was taken?" Jess posed.

Through a hard jaw, Finn said, "Maybe." Rey could tell he didn't think much of that possibility. But right now, all options would have to be considered.

Rey reached out to Ben, but got nothing. Not even a sliver of recognition at the other end of the bond. Could he have been knocked out? That, or he really didn't want her to find him. She wasn't sure which scenario she'd rather have: Ben captured, or Ben doing something he shouldn't.

"I'm going to look for him," Rey declared as she started to walk away.

She didn't get far. Jess grabbed her arm. "You can't go alone."

"Finn, go with her," Poe ordered. "Jess and I will stay to get Hux."

Finn was reluctant to leave them. "Just the two of you?"

"Don't really have a choice, now do we." Poe handed an extra comlink to Rey. "Keep me updated on what's going on."

The group parted, Rey bunching up the side of her dress so she could walk faster. Search quicker. But every single person they passed was not the man she so desperately wanted to find.

Finn led her to the alleyway he believed Ben had gone to. All that was there were piles of trash and squeaking rats rushing away to their little rodent homes.

She faced the opening to the alleyway that was lit, her eyes watching the speeders and civilians.

Finn came up to stand beside her. "If someone has him, we'll get him back," he said, trying to comfort her. "Do you sense anything from him?"

Rey frowned. "No. He's quiet. The only other times he's been this closed off from me is when he's up to something."

"You think he ditched us purposefully?"

She slowly shook her head, trying to decipher what she was sensing. "I don't know."

As if in a trance, she walked forward, entering the Nimetra district. It was clean here, the people dressed to perfection, the buildings appearing to be in impeccable shape.

The hotel instantly caught her attention as she sensed something emanating from inside. She jogged up to the entrance and entered, eyes aloft, but not to take in the architecture.

She needed to go up.

She found an elevator, going to the top floor. Finn quietly stayed by her while she was in this daze-like state, not wanting to break her focus.

The lift doors opened, and like a hound to blood, Rey could sense the dark side pulsating from down the hall. Passing all of the inconsequential doors, she came to the one that mattered.

It was left unlocked. As Rey opened it, her and Finn simultaneously gasped. A woman, dead and dressed in a dark amethyst gown, was laying on the floor, arms outstretched as if she'd been crawling.

Finn drew the blaster from inside his jacket, holding it up and cautiously entering the premise. As he checked each room, Rey closed the entryway behind her, frozen where she stood. Eyes on the woman. On the trail of blood leading to the refresher.

Finn came back. "There's a man unconscious in the other room. Looks as if someone tried to strangle him."

"Alive?"

"Yeah." Finn looked to the corpse. "Should we… call the police or something?"

Rey neared the body, kneeling down to get a better look at the wound on the back. It was circular and mostly cauterized. Against Finn's protests, she rolled the woman over, the pool of her blood sticking to her dress and the floor.

Finn immediately crouched down on the other side. "That's Carise Sindian." His eyes roamed down from her face to what caused her demise. Finn scrunched his brows. "That looks like a–"

"– lightsaber wound," Rey finished. "Ben found her."

"Did he know she was here?"

"No," she breathed out. "He must have crossed paths with her when he left you and Poe." She paused. "He's not the type of person to let an opportunity like this pass him by."

Rey followed the trail of blood to the refresher, seeing the scorch mark of a plasma blade on the wall behind the water basin.

This is where he murdered her, she thought. Odd place to kill someone. Maybe she was trying to hide from him.

She walked to one of the chairs in the middle of the room. Sat. And felt disturbed.

"We should leave," Finn said as he went to the door, waiting for Rey. But she didn't move. She stayed in the room unable to move as if she was the one on the marble, with a hole in her chest, dead from a wound made from the man she loved.

She thought back to the beginning of the evening, the ease in which they talked to each other, the way he spun her while dancing, those moments in which he held her close. Who was more real? The man who smiled and laughed with her, or the demon that gave into his own lethal desires?

A warped sense of her reality crept into her body and laid claim on her mind.

"Did I make the wrong choice?" she asked meekly, meeting Finn's gaze. "Was I naïve to think he could change?"

Finn opened his mouth, shut it, looking like he really wanted to get out of there. But he went to her, going down to his knees so they were on the same level. "You aren't naïve. And you should never regret believing that someone could change."

"But he hasn't."

"He has," Finn surprisingly defended him. "Just… not completely."

She shook her head, looking about the room. "But when he goes and does something like–" Rey's eyes stopped on the muted holoscreen, mouth falling open, face paling. Finn turned, mirroring her expression.

There, in stark clarity, was a maskless Ben, using his lightsaber to execute prisoners. Not just prisoners – Resistance members. His face, those eyes, were emotionless. Robotic. Unreal. Rey watched all of it, only looking away when it was being repeated.

She gulped. Hands shaking. This was not a good time to be reminded of the man Ben used to be. Maybe still was. How could she care for a monster like that? Was she betraying all of humanity in doing so?

Why couldn't she ever get what she wanted?

Rey darted for the door, hurrying out of the hotel, not stopping even when Finn called out to her. She passed building after building, ignoring the pedestrians, turning the corner to get back to the theatre –

A man zipped passed her and ran right into Finn, sending them both to the ground. The culprit leapt to his feet to leave, but Rey got a good shot of his profile.

"Ben?"

Ben lurched forward as he stopped himself mid-stride, surprised to see both Finn and Rey. But Rey was just as shocked by his appearance.

Ben looked absolutely horrible: hair disheveled, eyes bloodshot, skin a sickly color. It reminded her of what he looked like as she fought him on Starkiller Base, after he killed Han.

But Rey showed no pity in the way she gazed at him.

"You've seen the broadcast," he stated through labored breathing, noticing her hard expression.

Finn went to his feet. "The whole galaxy has probably seen it by now."

Ben covered his face with his hands, like it was all he could do not to fall apart. "I wish I could take it all back." He revealed his distraught features, walking to Rey. "I swear I do. Please believe me. Hux, he was lying. I was ordered to do those things. I didn't–"

"And Carise?" she challenged. Ben halted and flinched as if someone had hit him. "Yeah, we found her dead body. Lightsaber wound through the chest. You wish to take that back too?"

His demeanor shifted, his neck flushing red, betraying his guilt. "No."

Laser fire interrupted the conversation, making Rey run in the direction Ben had been trying to go. But during the confusion, Finn had somehow separated from the group. Rey couldn't get to him. Too many humanoids were following, making it impossible to deviate from wherever Ben was leading them.

More appeared ahead, blocking their route. They turned down another street, the city feeling like a maze looping back on itself. Rey felt a concussive shock beside them. She shielded her face from the heat, just as another one hit, making the side of a building crumble.

The chase made her heart pound, muscles tighten, jaw set and adrenaline cooking to the point of boiling. Don't these people know Kylo Ren was wanted alive?

They saw the bright lights up ahead, the sound of a crowd. But those people could either be a sanctuary, or a complication. Blending in and losing their pursuers sounded hopeful, but there was always the chance a bystander could get hurt or killed.

No turning back now.

Laser bolts peppered the ground around them as they ran onto the populous plastocrete street, Rey and Ben weaving through the throng of beings. Now in the shopping district, they rushed passed extravagant, ever-morphing billboards of advertisements, the lights bathing them in different colors of illumination.

The blaster shots caught the attention of the shoppers, making them scream and seek cover inside. The congested path ahead was now emptying.

Fire swiftly exploded across Rey's face as she was sideswiped, not even aware that a fist had been heading her way. Her mouth exploded with warmth as the inside of her cheek cut open. She extended her hand, Force pushing the culprit so hard that he flew over the three-storied store and disappeared.

Rey spat out a wad of blood and saliva, the taste lingering on her tongue, like she'd been licking the top of a thorium battery

Ben pinned two hunters against the wall, but was brought down by three more jumping him from behind. Rey pulled a Gran off of him, throwing the alien to the ground, his skull making a resounding crack. Ben pushed off the rest, their bodies soaring right into a large billboard overhead, sending sparks to the ground as it shattered upon impact.

Others were more cautious now, eyeing Rey and Ben as they slowly moved forward, no one wanting to make the first move against them.

A scaly skinned Trandoshan suddenly looked to the left, startled. He cried out as a speeder revved through the group, mowing most of them down, bodies flying in all directions in a mist of red spray. The vehicle spun around, drifting and clipping those who ran away before stopping in front of them. Finn sat in the driver's seat, a self-satisfied grin taking up half his face.

Rey jumped into the two-seated speeder, throwing her arms around him. "Happy to see you, too," Finn said, patting her back. Then they separated. "But we can celebrate once we're off this planet."

To fit, Rey had to sit on Ben's lap, her hair whipping back as Finn sped off like a proton rocket seeking its target. They heard the sirens first before they saw them: police on speeder bikes, coming at them from ahead. Finn made a sharp right, the hovercraft bouncing and buckling as the sensors tried to keep up with the ever-increasing acceleration.

They hit a pile of vendor crates, quilka-leafs jetting into the air. Rey held onto the dash as Ben hugged her waist. Walls whipped past on both sides, the path getting narrower.

"Take the next left onto Sonsti Avenue!" Ben shouted over the sirens and wind.

The turn came.

And then went.

"Bade is faster," Finn countered, arms straining at the controls. "It's a half mile up!"

Rey glanced over her shoulder, seeing the long line of officers hunched forward, their speeders throttling to maximum.

"I've actually been here before!" Ben yelled. "You've only glanced at a map. Sonsti will be quicker–"

Sparks and fire exploded from behind, sending the speeder crashing headlong into the ground.

Rey caught the dashboard across her middle, the air leaving her lungs as she was propelled forward and out of the hovercraft. She tried to brace for her fall, but she was moving too fast–

.

.

.

Rey was somewhat aware she was lying on a flat surface, something cold touching the bare skin of her back. A floor? She heard hushed voices. Smelled spices and food, intermingled with her own sweat and… the acrid smell of melted plastocrete.

Groaning, she wiped at her face, lifted her heavy eyelids. There was a grey ceiling above her, pockets of grease staining the area to the left. Above a small kitchen.

How did she get here? She hadn't even realized she'd blacked out.

Turning her head, there was a family of Rodians huddled in the corner, the biggest one wrapping his arms around the mother and two children. They were frightened. Watching them. The tight apartment offered little ways for them to hide, for Rey was in the bedroom, kitchen and living room all at once.

"We stay here and they'll find us," she heard Finn say. Rey sat up and looked at the two most important men in her life, seeing they were just as scratched up and bruised as her.

Ben cautiously peered out a small window. Finn crouched next to him, blaster at the ready.

"We couldn't remain on foot," Ben argued. "We can't out run speeder bikes."

"They'll start searching the buildings soon."

Ben set his jaw, saying nothing. Rey crawled over, noticing that she was now sans shoes and comlink, her dress riddled with tears. It was somehow holding itself together, giving her some sense of modesty.

"We're putting this family in danger by being here," Rey whispered hoarsely. The men were surprised to see her awake. But out of both of them, Finn was the one who came to her, asking if she was okay. She quelled his worry while staring at Ben, whom remained by the window, showing his concern from afar. "They shouldn't be dragged into this."

"You were unconscious, our speeder destroyed, and there were too many officers out there for us to take on," Ben explained. "This was the only option." He looked past her to the family, showing a smidgen of compassion. "I gave them some credits for their trouble."

Banging happened next door. Then shouts. Maybe even a fight. Something shattered.

Rey gave the apartment a quick once over. "Is there no other way out of here?"

Ben shook his head. "No. This is the only door and window." The three of them looked to each other, the nearby sounds of yelling abruptly stopping.

Was this how Rey was to die? Ben taken and Finn collected for a bounty?

They breathed in the silence. Waiting.

But then Ben grabbed his saber hilt, going to the door. He stood motionless, listening for any outside activity.

He spoke to them over his shoulder. "I'll run out and distract them so you two can get away. But you have to be quick–"

"Hell no." Rey stood, marching up to him. "You go out there and you'll be caught."

"It's that or all of us."

Rey's mouth went dry. After everything he'd done tonight, after what she'd seen on the broadcast, her feelings for him were still the same.

Damn her.

She grabbed a fistful of his shirt, pleading. "Snoke will kill you. Everything we've fought for will be for nothing if he has you."

He held her hands gently, regarding her desperation with solemn eyes. "He wants you dead, too. And you should live. You deserve it way more than I do."

"Rey," Finn whispered from behind. She turned, her hands slipping out of Ben's.

Staring at Finn, there was something in his demeanor that made her panic. A sense of resolution. "He's right. You deserve to live. You deserve to make it." His eyes went to Ben. "But if Snoke gets you, what life would Rey have then?"

Rey frowned as Finn took her head between his palms and kissed her forehead. Then he opened the door and ran out into the night.

Leaving her.

"Fi–" Ben covered her mouth and pulled her back, closing the barrier. She elbowed his side, kicked at his shins, torqued to get free. He wouldn't budge. Opening her mouth, she bit down on his hand as hard as her jaw allowed and then twisted from his grasp, planting her foot right into his gut.

He doubled over.

She went for the exit.

He grabbed her ankle.

She fell flat on her face as he pulled her back to him and pinned her smaller frame to the floor, his large body on top of her. Screaming to get free, he nearly smothered her to keep her quiet.

Her throat burned. Eyes stung. She couldn't get out. She couldn't get to Finn.

Rey didn't know how long Ben kept her restrained, all manner of Force tricks not working on him. But it was long enough for her muscles to grow tired and for her vocal chords to ache. And for Finn to have surely been caught.

All was silent outside.

"I'm going to get off of you and we are going to get out of here," he softly said into her ear. "Quietly. Okay?"

She nodded. He lifted himself, but Rey helped him by pushing him all the way off of her. She didn't say anything as she followed Ben through the streets and alleys. Didn't even notice the cuts on her bare feet. It was like what she was experiencing wasn't even real. It couldn't be.

They made it back to the Falcon with little interference. Poe, Jess and BB-8 were waiting just outside. Jess had already changed back into her usual attire, which made Rey think they'd been back at the ship for quite some time.

"What the hell happened?" Poe barked at Ben.

"Did you get Brendol?" Ben asked.

"No. We tried, but he had extra security."

Ben ground his molars, and even Rey showed some frustration over the news. Both walked up the ramp and into the Falcon.

"Hey," Poe called out. "Where the hell did you go?"

Ben stopped in the middle of the main hold while Rey kept walking to one of the crates and sat down, giving relief to her aching body.

"I found Carise," Ben finally answered

Poe and Jess were surprised. "Carise? Carise Sindian?"

Ben nodded.

"And?"

"He killed her," Rey said as she looked up, seeing the confusion on their faces.

Poe waited for one of them to add something to that.

They didn't.

Poe suddenly straightened, eyes searching for something that wasn't there. "Where's Finn?"

"The Chandrilan police have him." Rey replied coolly. "Which means the First Order will soon take him."

Dumbstruck, Poe asked, "How?"

She left the explaining to Ben, who tried to describe the whole situation in as little words as possible. Poe's stare quickly morphed into one that was murderous. Rey wondered what the man would do. But to his credit, Poe kept his body and fists in check.

Pinching the bridge of his nose, Poe breathed slowly. "Let me get this straight: you found Carise and decided that killing her was more important than following the mission. Hux released what you look like to the galaxy. And then Finn sacrificed himself so you could make it out." Poe's voice vibrated into a growl. "You ruined everything... over a vendetta?"

Ben tightened his hands into fists. "Not everything. I interrogated Carise before I killed her. There is a super weapon on Jakku."

Rey felt a chill deep inside her, her mind conjuring up a picture of the Sitter – the old man who spoke to no one, who sat atop his pillar under the sun of Jakku. He was near Carbon Ridge, the rumored secret base of the Empire.

"What does it do?" Poe asked, snapping Rey out of her thoughts.

"She didn't know. Hux might not even know. But if it's important to Snoke, then it's extremely dangerous."

"If Carise knew that much, imagine how much Brendol probably knew."

"Oh, but he doesn't care," Rey began in a wry voice, standing, her feet feeling raw. "Do you? You got what you wanted, even if it was at the expense of others."

Ben's face fell. "Rey–"

"Don't say my name like that," she snapped.

He clapped his mouth shut, appearing like a rebuked child.

"What exactly was your plan here?" Poe asked. "Were you going to kill Carise, come back, and think we wouldn't mind that you jeopardized the entire mission?"

"No," Rey answered before Ben could. "He wasn't going to tell us, were you? You were going to lie. Even to me."

Rey waited, watching Ben closely. Like she was waiting for him to say something or to react. Or deny. Something.

He didn't.

He really was going to lie to me, she realized.

The engulfing disappointment cut her deeply, stinging her eyes. She shifted her focus to Poe. "When are we going after Finn?"

"We should form some sort of plan as soon as–"

Ben cut him off. "We need to go to Jakku first."

Everyone looked at him, incredulous.

There were a few heartbeats of silence before Rey lowered her voice, enunciating every word. "You want to leave Finn to his current fate of execution?"

"No," he shook his head vehemently. "That's not what I'm saying." Ben glanced at each person in the room. "If that weapon really is precious to Snoke, then it's dangerous to the entire galaxy. More dangerous than Starkiller. And we all saw what that was capable of." No one argued against that. "We need to prioritize what's more important. Don't let personal feelings get in the way."

Rey's eyeballs nearly popped from their sockets. But it was Poe who spoke aggressively. "Don't let personal feelings get in the way? I didn't just hear that come out of your fucking mouth."

Ben ran both hands through his hair, frustrated. "Yes, we all know I never follow my own advice. But you know I'm right on this."

Poe held his gaze. Slowly walked behind the lounge bench. Spread his palms on the leather, breathing in deep, looking conflicted.

"We make a quick trip to Jakku…" Poe lifted his eyes to Rey, "and then we get Finn."

"Are you kidding?!" The lid on Rey's pressurized anger finally blew off. "How do any of you even know he'll still be alive when we go to get him?"

Poe spoke calmly, yet reluctantly. "We don't. But we need to think of the galaxy as a whole. If this weapon does indeed exist, it needs to be destroyed."

Rey laughed humorlessly as she felt herself spiraling. "How quick you are to forget that without Finn, you would've died on the Finalizer. Ben would've executed you, like he did with most of the prisoners. Have you seen the holovids that were released tonight? That would've been your fate. He wouldn't have even given your life a second thought." She glanced to Ben, challenging. "Am I wrong?"

…"No."

She gazed at him. Unmoving. Rey's blazing indignation making the lines on her face seem harsh rather than beautiful, the bags under her eyes giving the look some serious backup.

"Do you know how often I've defended you?" The volume of her voice ticked upward as she grew more agitated. "Saying that you've changed, that you're getting better? And then you run off to be the monster I've been saying you're not. Have I been wasting my breath on you this whole time? Cause now, it sure looks that way."

"You haven't been wasting your time," he said unconvincingly, barely moving his lips.

Rey rubbed at her eyes, smearing the makeup along with her sweat. Exhaustion pulled at her, the realization that she was covered in grime, wearing fabric that was torn and tattered just added to the ruination of the evening. "I don't know how to help you," she whispered, shaking her head. "Not anymore." Looking up, she saw Ben's fear. Could feel it. "I've stood by you through some rough times, and even forgave you for killing Han. But tonight, your capricious rage cost me my closest friend. And what you did to Carise–"

"She deserved," he bit out unexpectedly. "And I don't need a lecture on morality from you."

Ben's face shifted to shock upon the realization of what he just said. But Rey just stood and stared. Regarding him almost like he was a stranger. A thousand rebuttals raced through her mind like ring-dogs chasing their own tails.

But she voiced none of them.

Jess cut through the silence, speaking up for the first time. "If you're trying to insinuate that what she did to Ematt negates her from judging you, you're–"

Rey raised a hand. "He's right, actually. I shouldn't lecture him anymore." She dragged in a deep breath, and then released. "I'm tired of doing it, anyway."

Ben stayed very still, averting her steady gaze.

"Do you even care what happens to Finn?" Poe posed the question they were all thinking.

Rey watched him. "Yes," was his curt response.

Poe folded his arms. "You have a funny way of showing. As in, you don't."

Ben winced, his face going through a myriad of expressions that were too quick to decipher. He inhaled and spoke as if the words were clinging to his lungs. "I– I know I don't show it. Nor do I voice how I feel to any of you. But… I wish none of you ill will." He gazed right at her. "And that includes Finn."

Ben sure did sound sincere. And maybe he was. But the thing that counted the most was action.

And his actions have now put her in a position of making a choice that would leave her riddled with guilt. "I'll go to Jakku, and I'll help destroy whatever's there. But you and I…" her breath hitched. Ben braced. The images of him executing Resistance members played through her mind. "I don't know if I can keep doing this, Ben. If Finn's dead, then we'll have nothing more to say to each other. Because if they execute him, I will never forgive you. I've forgiven you for too much already."

Ben was thrown off. Rocked to the core. Scared, even.

Out of spite, Rey added, "And when the occasion arises where you want to kill someone again, do it on your own time. Don't drag us down with you."

She left behind a broken looking Ben as she went to find some solace alone in their shared quarters.

But he didn't understand that her words had broken her as well. The last few months of experiencing the love they shared, knowing the best parts of him, exploring the realm of intimacy together – it all had culminated into the greatest time of her life. Could she give it up over principle?

The lonely years on Jakku came to her thoughts. And the realization that self-love was just as important as real love. Because when you're alone and it's the middle of the night and you're lying in your sandy AT-AT crying and wishing for someone, anyone to notice your importance and to love you, who's actually going to be there for you?

You.

At the end of the day, you're all you've got.

But she did have Soniee now. A piece of her family she never had before. Though, her health had been declining these last few months.

Stars… how she wished Ben could be more reliable.

()()()()()

It was naïve of Ren to think that no matter what happened, Rey would always stand by him. He had forgotten about the one thing that could change all that: her stormtrooper.

Ren watched her go, watched her leave him. This was all so different than when she found out about her parents. Her lashing out had been precise back then, vindictive, but she had come to understand that he'd been trying to protect her.

Now, with Finn gone and the blame falling solely on him, there were no excuses to hide behind. No understanding. Everything that happened tonight had been unnecessary.

And Rey knew that.

Just like she now knew him for what he really was: stagnant. Unable to evolve.

Defective.

"I've forgiven you for too much already."

Rey's compassion truly was amazing and as far stretching as the galaxy. For as she forgave him for plenty, he would never absolve himself for everything he's done.

"Is it true you murdered Han?" Jess asked, her eyes looking hopeful that it was all a lie.

"Yes."

Jess covered her mouth with a hand, aghast. "Why?"

"Would an explanation change the way you're judging me?" Jess didn't answer. "I'm surprised Poe hasn't given you the details by now. He knows what happened." Ren walked the opposite way toward the storage bay, muttering, "I'd rather not relive it."

Entering, he headed for the lockers along the wall. He opened one after the other, rummaging through the contents. His search halted for a moment as he came across a weathered and worn tooka doll. With a shaky hand, Ren held it, looking at it like it was a relic from another time. He figured it was; his childhood felt like it was eons ago.

But the fact his father kept the doll this whole time...

Poe, Jess, and BB-8 came in after a few minutes. Ren put the small doll in his pocket and continued his search.

Thus far, BB-8 had been silent. Ren wondered if the little astromech had an opinion on the events that happened tonight. Or on any of the new information. But did he really care what a droid thought of him?

"You should get ahold of General Organa," Ren told them. "Tell her that their positions could be compromised now that the Order has Finn." He found a black cloak, the hood wide enough to cover most of his face.

Poe agreed before asking, "You think I'm gonna let you get off this ship?" The pilot eyed the cloak in Ren's hands.

Ren draped it around his shoulders. "You will, because I have an idea on how to get Finn back."

Jess and Poe were intrigued enough to keep quiet, listening to Ren's plan. He would've thanked them for the attentiveness, but they both pretty much hated him. He didn't want the compliment to come off as mockery.

Poe chewed over the proposal for a moment. "You think she's still in the city?"

"It's worth a look."

"That may be, but I don't trust you out there. And the last thing I need is for you to get caught."

Jess stepped forward. "I'll go with him, make sure he doesn't do anything stupid." The men were both stunned by her offer. Poe tried to talk her out of it, but she would not be dissuaded.

When Poe finally relented, he gave them both a stern look. "You'll need to be quick before more First Order cronies get here. Be back in one hour. I'm gonna look at a map of Jakku and see if Rey can think of where this weapon might be." Jess left and Ben followed, but was stopped by a very firm grip on his shoulder. "If you do anything that puts Jess in danger –"

"I won't. You have my word."

"Your word means less than shit."

"But it's all I have."

Poe let him go.

Jess and Ren walked side by side back to the city, both keeping their thoughts to themselves. She didn't pester him with questions as he went from one bar to the next, never sighed with impatience as time was quickly running out. Stormtroopers were out on patrol, but they were able to sneak by them with a few mind tricks and sticking to the shadows.

Once they entered the more questionable part of the city, the number of stormtroopers dwindled. Ren was able to zero in on the life force he'd been seeking.

Walking into a dimly lit cantina, he immediately saw Caliiya sitting at the bar, head down, eyes fixated on her glass. The establishment was mostly empty, its atmosphere having none of the modern pizzazz most cantinas used to draw in large crowds. This place was smaller, more intimate and dated, the serving droids having mismatched limbs and creaking joints.

And no holoscreens, thank the Force.

Ren drew the hood lower and walked over to the woman. Sitting down in the stool next to her, he intertwined his gloved fingers and placed them on the gritty bar top. Jess sat on the other side of Caliiya, declining a drink from the droid bartender.

Ren was never offered one.

Caliiya picked up the small glass, cocking her head back to let the liquid fire slide down her throat. She wiped her mouth, signaling for another. "I take it you didn't snag Brendol?"

She hadn't looked over at her visitors once, but she knew as to whom was paying her this visit. The woman utilized more than just her sight.

The droid filled her glass with the same deep purple fluid. "You know what's happened, then," Ren said, keeping his voice low.

She slid the glass in a circle, swishing the liquid. "Yep. And now, there's one less bounty in the galaxy." Glancing to the side, Caliiya took in his disguise with an amused eye. "I'm surprised you're even here. Everyone knows your face already, and the deeds you've done. You know that reputation is going to follow you for the rest of your life, right? That you're a patricidal demon, born from the Skywalker line." She lifted the glass to him before swigging it down, asking for another. "Murdering you own father… now that takes depraved commitment."

"Yes. It does."

She showed a moment of confusion before going for the newly filled glass. Ren placed his palm over the rim, preventing her from grabbing it. "Finn being taken was my fault," he admitted. Caliiya snapped her head up. "I got sidetracked by something, and in the process of him helping me, he was caught."

The bounty hunter stared holes through him. "You're a fucking disease, you know that?"

"I do."

"Stop agreeing with me. Takes the satisfaction out of insulting you." She snatched the glass out from under his hand. "Why are you even here, talking to me? It's a huge risk for you. And we hate each other."

"You can help me get Finn back."

She snorted, almost choking on her alcohol of choice. "Back? From the First Order?" Ren nodded. "Are you insane?" He opened his mouth to respond. "You know what? Don't answer that."

Ren tensed as a fight broke out between two patrons off in the corner, two serving droids hustling to break it up. At this point, he'd be startled by someone breathing too close to him.

He focused back on Caliiya. "Are you going to help me or not?" he asked impatiently.

Taking a handful of warra nuts, she popped some in her mouth, speaking while chewing. "I prefer my heart to stay beating. Besides, what's war without casualties?"

"Peace," Jess challenged.

Caliiya swerved around in the chair. "If it wasn't for war, you wouldn't know what peace was." She narrowed her eyes, eyeing up the Jess. Turning back to Ren, she asked, "Whose this scrap-muncher? Your girlfriend?"

Ren ignored the question. "You're indebted to Finn. That's why you came to talk to him tonight, right? You feel like you owe him. If he never showed up in your life, you wouldn't have your freedom. Bala would have killed you." Caliiya's lip twitched with annoyance, but her eyes glistened, betraying how she truly felt. "It's a waste of time to pretend you don't care."

The irritation went out of Caliiya and was replaced with a thousand meter stare aimed toward the bottles lining the back of the bar. "Affection is just a neurochemical con job for the weak."

Ren could tell she didn't fully believe that. "I'd agree with you, but then we'd both be wrong."

She chuckled. Went silent. Put the remaining nuts back, ignoring her drink. Ren gave her time to ruminate over the proposition while Jess looked like she wanted to clock the woman.

"They would take him to the Finalizer, where General Hux is," Caliiya said softly, like she was thinking out loud more than starting a conversation. "He would be made an example of."

"And I need you to get on that Star Destroyer and get him out."

Caliiya was momentarily taken aback. "Me? As in alone? Aren't you people his friends or something?"

"There's a pressing issue we need to take care of first. But seeing how you're available–"

"How am I supposed to walk onto the Finalizer and find him? You do remember how big that Destroyer is."

"You've visited the ship for business before, right?"

Her eyes pinched. "Yeah."

"So it won't seem odd for you to be going there for more bounty assignments."

"Probably not. But as a bounty hunter, I wouldn't be able to get to the holding cells."

"Which is why you're going to be a lieutenant." With Lizari's passcodes, Caliiya could go anywhere on that ship.

They continued to polish the plan, going over it a few times till she could recite it back to him perfectly. To get to the holding cells, he told her where she could find an officers uniform and that he'd send the passcodes once he received them from his contact.

During the whole exchange, Caliiya didn't glance at her drink once, making Ren think he was making some serious headway.

But… "You still haven't agreed to do this," he pointed out.

Caliiya blinked once. Twice. Then nodded firmly. "I'll do it, even though it's suicidal."

"If you think you'll die, why do it then?

She sighed, but out of exhaustion rather than aggravation. "Like you said, I owe him."

They exchanged account information and then Ren and Jess left the cantina. He stopped just outside, peering through the window. Much to Ren's satisfaction, Caliiya got out the credits to pay for her drinks, ending her night of self-loathing. If the woman was serious about doing this, she needed to sober up as quickly as possible.

"You think this will actually work?" Jess asked, also watching the bounty hunter.

"If it doesn't, I'll never have to interact with that woman again."

Jess glared at him. "If she fails, Finn dies."

"Then I'll figure out another way to rescue him before he's executed."

"And exactly how much effort are you going to put into that?"

He looked down at her. "You think I want him to die?"

She shrugged. "Wouldn't be the first time."

He ground his molars and turned, meticulously winding through the people roaming around this late at night. But matching every three steps to his two, Jess kept up with his long strides.

How would anyone in their right mind go somewhere alone with him after finding out he murdered his own father? What was wrong with this girl?

Ren mind tricked three stormtroopers along the way, one of them taking a considerable amount of strength to manipulate. He waited till they were closer to the outskirts of the city before asking with a forced composure, "Why did you come with me, exactly?"

"Like I said, someone has to keep an eye on you."

"And you willingly volunteered. After finding out I killed Han Solo."

She recoiled when he said that about his father, but seemed to be giving his question some serious mulling over. Maybe even wondering about her own sanity. "Poe told me Rey was there when it happened, and she found a way to forgive you and move past it. But someday you'll answer for what you've done. I believe that. Besides, options were limited, seeing how the other two hate your guts right now."

"And you don't 'hate my guts'?"

Her lips pressed together in a slight grimace. "I don't like you. You're selfish and irresponsible and ruined Poe's mission. That aside… I don't think you should be alone."

Not after what Rey said to him, her thought rang in his head. He rubbed his temple, trying not to get on the girl's wavelength.

"Why is it everyone assumes I shouldn't be alone?" he grumbled. A swift wind gust tousled his robe, the smell of stagnant water becoming stronger.

Jess patted at her hair, placating the flyaway strands. "Because you're an impulsive person who's as slippery as a greased gizka."

They turned onto the dirt path that led to the marsh where the Falcon was hidden. Ren waited for a rowdy group of adolescents to pass them before countering, "I would think you trusted me enough to come with me to find Caliiya." He paused. "All by your lonesome."

Jess wasn't phased by his faux threat. "You wouldn't hurt me."

Ren raised a brow, glancing at her from under the cowl. "No?"

"Nah." Jess sidestepped a large rock, taking a deep breath. "If you did, it would be like you killed those slavers for nothing. If something happened to me, you'd see it as a failure on your part." Ren slowed, then came to a stop, looking intently at Jess as she kept going.

She'd seen right through him, and he hadn't even interacted with this girl as much as the others. Was it possible he was more transparent than he thought?

It took Jess a few yards to realize he wasn't next to her. She came back to him cautiously, brows pulling in. "You used to have a heart. Still sort of do, since Rey is with you." The tall grass that lined the walkway shivered in the breeze, catching Jess's attention for a short time. When she continued, her voice was pensive. "These last few months, I've been trying to understand your actions from your perspective. Not the most comfortable thing to do, but I did try. And you should know…." They locked eyes. "You shouldn't beat yourself up for killing that woman in the cave."

He jerked his head back. "Excuse me?"

"That random woman you killed while you cut down those men? She basically ran right into your lightsaber. I saw it."

Ren felt like he was having an allergic reaction to her clemency. "She was afraid," he said as he ambled past her.

Jess ran up to him. "And she let that fear cloud her ability to think," she explained. "Instead she panicked, not looking where she was going. It wasn't your fault, what happened to her. And those men… each one of them deserved what they got."

"Says who?"

She jumped in front of him. He halted as to not trample her. "Says me, who was locked away in there because of them."

The silence stretched out as Ren stared and was stared back at. But then, he softened. "You view that whole ordeal as me saving you. But you don't realize what it cost me. Before that, I had never killed someone before. And I didn't kill them as this monster you've all come to know. I was my uncle's apprentice. My mother and father's son. That night was the true beginning of the end for me."

Jess blanched. "Do you regret getting us out?"

"No. I just wish…. Maybe I could have found another way."

Jess raised her palms out, flat and skyward. "Wishes in one hand, shit in the other. Which are you gonna have more of?"

The corner of his mouth curled up into the faintest of smiles.

When they made it back to the Falcon, Poe was sitting on the ramp, BB-8 beside him, waiting. The pilot quickly stood when he saw the two of them approaching.

They relayed their possible success to him as they walked into the main hold, Poe seeming somewhat hopeful over it. And it was good to hear that Rey had an idea in mind for where the weapon could be on Jakku.

Ren took off the cloak and placed it across the back of the lounge chair. Having nothing more to discuss, Poe and Jess headed to the cockpit with the droid in tow. Ren spoke up before they were out of sight. "Can I ask you a question?"

The duo turned back around. Ren was looking directly at Jess. "Sure," she replied.

Ren didn't want to ask, but he couldn't help himself. "How is it Skywalker doesn't know you were there?" Jess's mouth went slack. "He came to the caves right after I left. He helped those people get back to their families. But he doesn't show any signs of recognizing you. Why?"

Jess swallowed, glancing at Poe. "That's because as soon as I saw you leave, I left. I didn't want the people back home to find out what happened to me: that I ran away from home with a guy I barely knew and got sold into the slave trade so he could make a quick credit." Her face flushed a bright crimson. "It was humiliating."

Poe put a comforting hand on her shoulder. "Where'd you find the credits to leave Er'kit on your own?"

She wrapped her arms around herself, holding tightly to her sides. "I went back in the caves, wanting to get away from the others so I could think of a plan. That was when I saw the moonlight reflect off of something on the floor." She pointed to the silver hilt at Ren's belt. "I found your lightsaber. I took it, walked to town, and tried over the next few days to sell it for the right price. I only ever got offensively low offers, not enough for me to even travel home. But then this little orange humanoid found me and offered me five times the price I was asking."

Ren stammered before getting her name out. "Maz Kanata?"

Jess nodded. "I agreed, got my money, and went home. Pretty sure the few times I've seen Maz on Takodana she hasn't recognized me. I looked pretty haggard back then."

Poe asked a few more questions, but Ren had already checked out by then. He couldn't believe all the things that had to happen for his lightsaber to make it back into his hands.

"Word of advice?" Ren fixed his eyes back on Jess when she spoke. "You'll lose more than just Rey if Finn doesn't make it off the Finalizer alive." Poe agreed. Ren could have sworn BB-8 slightly nodded his domed head. Then the three of them went to the cockpit, readying the Falcon for departure.

Funny. He felt like he had lost everything already.

Carefully, he entered the part of the ship that housed the living quarters, briefly stopping outside his and Rey's room.

His hand hovered on the door's control panel, wondering if he should try reasoning with Rey right now.

He pressed it, stepping inside.

Rey was lying on the bed on top of the covers, wearing the loose clothes she preferred to sleep in. She must've taken a shower recently, for her hair was damp and the scent of lilacs were infused into the air.

She kept her stare on the ceiling. "I don't want you in here."

"Please just let me explain–"

She shot off the bed in a whirlwind of fury. "There's nothing to explain. Finn got himself taken to save us both. He never would have been in that situation if it weren't for you." She cut her hand through the air. "End of story."

"I know."

Rey put a palm to her chest and said mockingly, "Oh. You know. What a relief." She shook her head, eyes looking everywhere but at him. "Do you even know how important he is to me?"

"Yes." He took a step closer to her. She backed away. "I can feel how much you're hurting right now."

Her voice broke. "You know what makes it worse? You're the only one who can comfort me, but you're the one who did this to me. I hate you, but…"

"… you still love me," he finished. There was a tightness in his chest. A painful ache. It restricted his throat. "Are you really leaving me?"

She chewed at her lip, holding back the glistening in her eyes. "I don't know. But let me just pretend that I have the strength to actually do it."

He looked to the floor, getting ready to throw himself down at her feet and–

"Don't," she staunchly commanded, sensing what he was contemplating. "Don't beg me." She wiped a freed tear from her cheek. "If you care about me at all, don't do that to me."

He locked his knees. "We're going to get Finn back," he confidently told her. "Alive."

"I hope so. For your sake. And mine."

Extending his arm, he reached out to her. She denied him. "If I'm the only person who can comfort you, let me stay," he pleaded. "Let me do that for you, at least,"

Rey shook her head, adding strength to her voice. "I grew up consoling myself. I still know how to do it. So I'm asking you with the little restraint I have left not to yell, please leave me alone."

Her words had a finality to them that persuasion could not cut through.

With a reluctant heart, he gathered up his things and left.

Halfway down the hall, Ren stopped, deciding whether to march back into that room and… what? What could he say that would make her let him stay? Make her stay with him? Her mind was made up. She had seen just how lost he really was. Finally realized he was a worthless piece of bantha shit.

That was the thing of it, Ren thought as he walked into the main hold, making his temporary home in the med alcove: Snoke had broken something inside him. And Ren had let him.

Over the last six months, Ren had tried to put it all back together. He'd tried to be more like Ben. The Ben everyone expected him to be.

Rey had been a part of that. Love and all. It was all so cliched, but love kept him from being a full-fledged monster. Love and the cold hate he felt for everything Snoke had dragged him into.

Love and hate. Nice combination.

And responsibility, he realized suddenly. That had helped in an unexpected way, knowing the most extensive information about how the First Order worked. Knowing he was necessary, even if no one wanted to admit it.

Now Rey was telling him she didn't want to see him. Didn't need him. And the comfort of the Resistance needing him? Gone. With the release of those recordings, they would want nothing to do with him. Hell, they would probably try to kill him again.

With that thought, should he go to Jakku and help destroy whatever was there? Should he aid the Resistance?

But he knew the answer even before he asked. He would go, and he would help. Because his mother wanted a better son. Because Rey wanted to believe in him. Because he needed Poe as a friend. Because he would always feel like Jess's protector.

He wanted all those people to live.

And if Caliiya hadn't freed Finn by the time they were done on Jakku, he would go help her. Even if that meant him getting taken in the process.

He owed the trooper that much.

And Harter.

Gods, they had Harter. It was a relief to hear she was alive, but knowing Hux had her didn't grant him much comfort. He needed to tell Leia and see if they could come up with a way to rescue her. If not, guess he would have to go rogue again.

Ren went to the dejarik table and scooped up the datapad that was technically Finn's, but everyone used. It wasn't passcode protected. He quickly sent the news to his mother before searching among the files for any recordings. Ren knew Finn kept a journal on the thing, because he had told Rey about it… who had then told him about it.

He prepared a message to Soniee, attaching every single one of Finn's recordings, asking her to find a way to leak them onto the Holonet and the Outer Rim news stations. If she was as good with technology as she boasted to be, it shouldn't take her long to do.

But there was no doubt the woman had seen the First Order broadcast tonight. So where Ren refused to give Jess an explanation over killing his father, he gave Soniee an extended one.

What he said wasn't anything new: Snoke brought him to the Dark side, ordered him to do the unthinkable, he deeply regrets it, blah blah blah. He hated explaining it all. Sounded more and more like he was using excuses when that wasn't his intention. But it would be far worse if he didn't tell the woman anything.

He sent it, hoping Finn wouldn't mind that Ren was violating his privacy. The guy was fully ready to be the face of the Resistance anyway. This was just going to fast track the process since time was something they didn't really have.

Ren stretched out in the medical nook, not able to close his eyes. He focused on the jerks and creaks of the Falcon as it rose into the air and out of the atmosphere, the soft hum of hyperspace replacing the turbulence.

A memory came to mind, one so small, he was surprised he even still had it. He got out of the alcove, lifting part of the padding that had torn off long ago, before he was even born. Underneath was a drawing on the fabric. Not a good one, just a simple piece done by a child's unskilled hand. In it were pictures of planets and solar systems, a small ship zooming through it all, a boy at the helm.

A boy with raven hair.

He had drawn it without his father ever knowing. He wondered if Han had ever found it.

Ren ran his fingers across the faded colors, hoping that Han at some point had lifted up this ratted cushion and thought about the better times with his son.

He grabbed the tooka doll from his pocket and held it close to his chest as he laid his body out to rest. His mind, idle from the silence, went over the events of the evening, remembering that small prompting to not follow Carise. To turn back while he still had time.

I told you so, a voice inside his head said.

Sincerely,

Your intuition.

A/N:

Another chapter down!

So Ren went off and did something not so good. Again. I know it might be a bit controversial what he did to Carise, but as I have told you all, he won't ever really get back to the person he used to be. And hey, he promised Carise he would kill her one day. A promise is a promise! But it has now complicated things since Finn has been captured and Rey blames it all on him. Which it is his fault. I also wanted his father to have a certain presence in this chapter, hence the brandy and the picture under the med alcove. Han will always play an important role in Ren's life. He will always think about him constantly. I hope no one gets annoyed by how much Ren thinks about his father.

If you have a second, let me know what you think and if you have any theories as to where the story is going. May the Force be with you all!